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Disclaimer: I don't own Crossing Jordan or the rights to the song All I want for Christmas is You.
All I Want For Christmas is You
Christmas is only days away. I am trying to put up a good front. I want everyone to think I'm okay. I mean I don't know why I am so worried about what my friends think? They know how bad this year has been. It started out with so much promise!
Woody and I were getting along so well. I got to see Dad. Maybe put a few demons to rest where that is concerned. I helped to free a woman who was on death row while reaching what was an important decision for my future.
It was during that trip that I began to realize that the feelings I had for Woody were real. I had been battling with those emotions because they felt so foreign. I had never loved someone the way I loved Woody. Stupid me, I was still too afraid to tell Woody. But he knew; I know he knew. Why else would he have tried to give me the ring?
The blessed little ring! Why did he have to go and buy it? Why was I so stupid to refuse it? I wanted it; I wanted to accept it so bad! It just frightened me. I knew it meant commitment. I didn't know if I was ready for that yet. Who was I trying to fool? It was a dream come true for someone to want me that way. To want to be with me forever. Why did I have to go and screw it up? I have lost so much over that decision.
If I had accepted the ring when he offered it, we would have been a couple when he was shot. Even if I still hadn't told him how much I loved him, the last minute revelation would have been received better before he went into surgery. He wouldn't have kicked me out. He would have let me help him. Be there with him and for him. Instead, he was suffering at the hospital all alone, while I was suffering just outside his door, wanting to help him.
Now here I am looking at celebrating my first Christmas all alone. Dad was gone last year, but I had Woody.
I could ask Nige to come over, but that wouldn't fair to him. I would be moping around and he would try to cheer me up. I guess the truth is I don't want to be cheered up. I am wallowing in some of that pity Woody accused me of possessing. A little self-pity.
I sound like the girl who sings lead in that depressing Christmas song by Vince Vance and the Valiants, All I Want for Christmas is You.
Santa can't bring me what I need, cause all I want for Christmas is… Woody.