Part 4

December 10th

We come to a large window on Titan Tower…in which stand Charlie and Dickens.

"Today was the day that Titans East would arrive to celebrate Christmas with their fellow, more successful (oh come on, you were thinking it) team. Before we go any further, I must remind you that due to my mixing of the canon of two shows and one comic company, that the Speedy and Aqualad we see here are not who you think. Since the original Speedy and Aqualad, now known as Arsenal and Tempest, exist in their adult forms in this world, my Speedy and Aqualad are completely new people. Speedy is a boy named Nathaniel Parsons who became Speedy to piss off Green Arrow, and hence could not be considered an 'official' Speedy, and Aqualad is the child of an obscure DC hero named Oceania, who could control water, who was raised by Atlantis and hence he has the ability to control water, an ability that the Aqualad in the comics never manifested, and who had a name that I had given him once but I have forgotten it."

"Nice. You give the readers enough hoops to jump through?" Dickens said.

"Oh be quiet!"

"Was it really necessary to bring in the Titans East?"

"Hey, I'm trying not to repeat myself here! Besides, what harm could it do?"

And then the window of the sill the two were standing in swung open, knocking them both off the Tower with a scream, as Bumblebee leaned out.

"80 DEGREE WEATHER! NO SNOW! NO WIND! I CAN GET A TAN! I CAN SHOWER IN COLD WATER AND NOT CARE! I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE!" Bumblebee declared, apparently taking great delight in now being in Florida.

"…Are you not already…well tanned?" Starfire asked.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Bumblebee snapped back as she turned away from the window.

"Time, time!" Robin said, slipping between the pair. "Welcome to our home Karen. Enjoy your stay and please…keep your team reigned in."

"ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Came a scream from within the kitchen. A moment later Beast Boy poked his head out.

"Whoever left the empty can of sardines on the table, congratulations, you just traumatized Aqualad."

"Nos gusta el arroz con huevo? Donde esta nuestro arroz con huevo!" Mas Y Menos declared as they ran up, making everyone jump.

"Uh…hi to you too." Terra said.

"Samoa Joe solo no vendio maldiciones!" The twins said, and dashed off.

"…Hey! Don't open that! No wait, don't press that! Argh, there's a reason that lever is labeled danger!" Savior yelled as he chased the twins around. Robin sighed, as Scalpel walked in, carrying a large series of bags that he set down while he watched Mas Y Menos run roughshod over the room.

"Um…Miss. Beecher…I am still new to this planet, somewhat, and don't understand everything…but…have you ever heard of something called…discipline?" Scalpel said.

" 'Ey! No Somos los Titanes de East de Chaltab! Nos da un respiró…" Mas Y Menos said as they heard the voice and slipped over to it…and then actually got a good look at Nigel. "IYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" They shrieked, and ran from the room.

"…Thank you. Thank you so much." Bumblebee said, and kissed Nigel on the cheek. Nigel blushed slightly, not sure what he'd done.

Sophie walked in a few seconds later, thankfully missing the kiss.

"Would someone please explain to me why two Spanish speaking twins are hiding in my freezer?"

Things were calmer an hour later. Cyborg had distracted Mas Y Menos with video games, Robin was reviewing a list of Jump City's foes with Bumblebee in case there was any trouble during their stay, and Aqualad was trying to find his room in the tower from Beast Boy and Starfire's horrendous directions.

And Speedy was in one of the smaller general rooms, fiddling with his arrows, as Gauntlet walked in.

"Hiya!" He said.

"Hey." Speedy replied, not looking up from his arrows.

"I'm Gauntlet!"

Speedy just nodded, still looking at his arrows.

"Watcha doing?" Gauntlet asked.

"Making sure my dangerous and highly combustible weapons are stable so they don't blow up and kill us all." Speedy said.

"Oh." Gauntlet said.

Speedy continued working.

There was a long silence.

Speedy kept working, removing one arrow and making minute adjustments to the tip.

"…So, how's that lawsuit going? I hear you are losing, but I might as well hear it from you. Savior keeps saying Green Arrow will have your ass." Gauntlet said.

Speedy jerked and accidentally twisted the arrow tip. It began to rapidly beep.

"Oops." Gauntlet said.

KABOOM!

"…I don't know if you read the Titan charter, but it forbids members from suing other members." A soot covered Gauntlet said, as a soot covered Speedy could do nothing more then blink.

"Now I know why Bumblebee wouldn't trade Mas and Menos for him." Speedy said some time later, as he nursed a hot chocolate. "And another thing! You'd think in a tower this size that we'd get our own rooms!"

Despite all the arguing and Cyborg's vow, the Titans had been unable to work out a setup for the Titans to get a room each, even with the couples sharing a room together. So Aqualad and Speedy were in the same room, though Aqualad had literally gotten the short straw having drawn the floor to sleep on. Though, in all fairness he'd probably prefer to sleep in the shower.

"You have a point." Aqualad replied lightly, not actually seeming to care. It was late, and there wasn't much to do. The entire tower was either sleeping or getting ready to, as they were soon going to actually start preparing for the big day, sorting out the tree, sorting out presents, and so on. As it turned out, there'd been a list error and they still hadn't bought some of the gifts.

"I mean, it's pretty much the same size as our Tower right? We have room to spare!" Speedy said. "They claim they've collected a lot more stuff due to their longer history. That or they think they're so hot we have to sleep on the floor."

"It's not you who's sleeping on the floor, it's me, and what are you griping about anyway?"

"That damn Gauntlet, causing me to set off an arrow, not to mention beating me at my own game!" The archer complained.

"I thought archery was your game, not caffeine consumption." His aquatic friend replied, half amused, half indignant. "Though it was rather funny to see you wander around in such a 'drugged' state, remember then you tried…"

"Enough, enough. I just say I think its time we got our own back is all. For crying out loud, a fat nerd thought we were a joke! And the Titans just seem to keep backing that opinion up! So far they've beaten us in combat, caffeine wars, videogames, hell they've even beaten us in spelling!"

"Well… they haven't beaten us in pranks… Or eating. I'm sure with M and M's metabolism we'll probably do really well at that." The Atlantian commented to his aggravated, arrow-slinging friend, though mostly in that continued humorous tone.

"…Yes. Yes, you're right!" Speedy said. Aqualad arched an eyebrow. "They have yet to beat us in pranks! I have an idea! We do that, AND we get our own back with Gauntlet! Yes, it's definitely a plan!" Speedy declared, a pondering look on his face. "Tomorrow! Tomorrow we'll start something!"

"You're starting something now."

"What?"

"A headache, for me. Just go to sleep already." Aqualad said, as he turned over and wrapped himself up a little and tried to sleep.

"But you're on board with me on this, right?" Speedy asked.

"Yes yes! Sleep now!" Aqualad said, waving an arm and trying to get comfortable on the air mattress while his friend was working himself up into a frenzy, thinking about all the possibilities.

I wonder….

December 11th

"Ok people, listen up." Raven said to the gathered Titans. "There are nearly double the number of people in the Tower for the next three weeks, and that means there has to be more changes then sleeping arrangements. So, in order to accommodate these new arrivals, we will be setting up a schedule of shower and bathroom times. That means you, Gauntlet."

"Hey, my hair needs at least an hour of gel every day or else it gets limp and lifeless!" Gauntlet protested.

"I can fix that for you." Noel said, holding up a taser.

"Put that away Savior. As for you Gauntlet, just make yourself a Gen X-er ponytail and grow a goatee to match it. Now, for the next order of business…" Raven said, as Mas and Menos crept behind her. "Someone has been using an unusual amount of Red Bull ever since the new Titans showed up."

Mas Y Menos froze, Mas standing on Menos' shoulders as he was removing a twelve-pack of Red Bull from the fridge, every Titan seeing them except Raven.

"Since Mas Y Menos showed up at exactly around the time the problem started, I'll be putting them in charge of figuring out what's going on."

Everyone facevaulted. Raven arched an eyebrow.

"Ok…besides that, once Gauntlet and Cyborg remove their hidden cameras from Bumblebee's room, that should be everything."

"HEY! Why do you assume that I can't set up those cameras by myself?" Gauntlet blurted out.

If looks could kill, Gauntlet would be so dead by all the glaring females in the room even comic book resurrections wouldn't have worked for him,

"…Crap." Gauntlet said. Starfire and Savior managed to restrain Bumblebee from clawing his eyes out.

"Shame on you Gauntlet! How did I ever get you to talk me into that!" Cyborg scolded. Heh heh heh. Little do they know that I set up an entirely different set of cameras.

"And Cyborg, you do realize that you are thinking very loudly in the presence of somebody with vague, ill defined magical powers, right?" Raven said. Cyborg blanched as everyone looked at him.

"…All right, I confess! I had another set of cameras placed!"

"Cyborg, my ill defined magical powers don't include casual telepathy." Raven said.

"…DAMN IT!"

"Sometimes, I'm glad she's wasting her time here instead of being a real life Perry Mason." Robin said to Savior, who nodded, as Starfire got up to stop Bumblebee again…and found she wasn't moving.

"Friend Karen, are you not once more going to attempt the yelling and the eye gouging and the attempting of wounds with fingernails and the hurting and shoving?"

"…Why?" Bumblebee asked.

The whole room facevaulted again.

"Still have a crush on Cyborg, huh?" Terra asked a bit later, with she and Bumblebee sitting at the table while Cyborg once again played games with Mas Y Menos while Gauntlet impatiently waited his turn.

"…Yeah, I suppose. I mean…for all our differences, and the whole robot thing…he's fine."

"Arriba el Peru, carajo!" Mas Y Menos celebrated.

"Well, if you're into that kind of thing." Terra commented.

And then she got hit by a snowball.

"WHERE DO THOSE KEEP COMING FROM THIS IS FLORIDA THERE ISN'T EVEN ANY SNOW!"

Some time later, Starfire was standing before a large whiteboard, in the middle of sketching out a very complicated looking plan, when Speedy passed by her.

"Hello Friend Speedy!" Starfire said, still drawing.

"Hey Starfire. What are you doing?"

"Sketching out all the possible routes Santa could take so I could narrow down which ones would be the most likely!" Starfire said, and went back to her task, merrily. Speedy stood there for a moment.

"Santa Claus." Speedy said.

"Yes!"

"…And you want to intercept him."

"Yes!"

Speedy was silent again, and then walked away. He stood in the distance for about ten minutes, looking deep in thought, and finally he returned to Starfire's side.

"Starfire…"

"Yes Friend Speedy?"

"I really debated whether or not I should be the one to tell you this, but it's clear that if no one has told you yet that no one wants to, for various reasons, so I have decided to do it myself. Star…there is no Santa Claus."

Starfire stared at him.

"Your point being?" She said after a bit. Speedy nearly facevaulted.

"Starfire…Santa Claus doesn't exist. He's a very nice story, he represents great things, and if the world was perfect we'd all follow his example, we still should…but he's just a story. Your gifts come from us, not him. You can't intercept his path because he never took one. I'm sorry Starfire, but…he doesn't exist." Speedy said.

"…………………Your point being?"

Speedy facevaulted so hard he shook the whole Tower.

Noel walked into the room carrying a armload of presents and found himself flying into the air as Mas Y Menos ran past him, their whiplash striking his legs and throwing his feet out from under him. To add injury to further injury, the gifts then fell on top of him.

"What the hell!" Savior growled, as he picked himself up from the ground and saw the young speedsters continue to literally bounce off the walls, as several members of the Titans and Titans East chased them. "What's going on here!"

"Ugh." Robin said, as he landed next to Savior. "We ran out of Red Bull, and Beast Boy thought some coffee would do, but he mixed up the normal coffee with the kind Starfire has to drink when she has that Tamaranian 'issue' every five months and well…you see the result."

"VIVA MEXICO! VIVA LOS PANTELONES!" Mas Y Menos yelled as they continued to dash around. Savior sighed and got out of the way, as he tried to organize the dropped presents. Meanwhile, several Titans stopped to rest.

"Hey Cyborg, where's that catalogue we got? You know, the ACME one?" Gauntlet asked.

"Wha…" Cyborg said, as Gauntlet abruptly produced a stand with a blueprint on it.

"Plan A: I have a rocket pointed at a clever trap I have set up: a pile of Mountain Dew and tacos. Once they get there, I will set off the rocket, and there should be enough left over to make one speedster, Frankenstein style."

"We want to STOP them, not KILL them!" Aqualad protested.

"Fine." Gauntlet said, as he tore down the blueprints to reveal another set beneath them. "Plan B. Pile of Mountain Dew and tacos, filled with iron ball bearings. Once they're done eating, I activate this magnet and BAM! Caught."

"They'll die of iron poisoning." Robin said.

Gauntlet tore down the blueprints again to reveal another set.

"Plan C! A brave volunteer chases them down on rocket power roller skates!"

"…HELL NO." Bumblebee said.

RIP!

"Plan D! Mountain Dew and tacos plus fly paper!" Gauntlet said, as Noel walked over.

"Fly paper? What are you kidding? Gauntlet, the reason it's called FLY paper is because it only catches…"

And then Noel stared, as in the time he had spoken the sentence, Mas Y Menos had ended up trapped on the ground, glued to large sheets of the insect trap.

"…Wow. That must be some really good fly paper." Noel commented.

"Yeah, I got the recipe from Catman. Apparently he used it a lot in the mid 50's." Gauntlet replied.

"Well Rob, I hate to say this, but your plan actually worked. Good job."

"Yup. Although I did have a backup. Plan E."

"What? And what exactly was Plan…"

CRASH! A giant boulder abruptly landed on Noel.

"…THAT was your Plan E! Are you nuts? We said no killing!" Aqualad yelled.

"Hey, the coyote always survives." Gauntlet commented. "Besides, that wasn't Plan E."

"I AM GOING TO KILL…!" Savior roared as he shoved the boulder off.

And then a second larger boulder landed on Savior, smashing him and the first boulder into the ground once more.

"THAT was Plan E." Gauntlet said.

"All right, all right." Speedy said that night, as all the Titans sat around the fireplace, which had again mysteriously appeared as the Christmas season approached. "This game is called 'What A Way To Go'. Basically, you must theorize how someone you know will die."

"Ugh, do we have to play something that morbid…" Savior commented, still holding an ice pack to his head.

"Relax. This isn't a serious game. I don't want realistic odds on how we really will die. I want to know how others WILL die." Speedy said. "I'll go first. Green Arrow will die when Zombie Robin Hood comes back to demand that he get his own shtick."

"…But would Green Arrow really be so incompetent to be killed by a centuries-dead zombie? It would only be brittle bones…" Starfire said.

"No no no Starfire. This isn't an actual way for Green Arrow to die. It's just a joke." Speedy said.

"I still do not understand this game."

"It's simple. We're scoffing at our own mortality by making light of the deaths of famous heroes, ensuring that the deaths are the most ludicrous ones we can come up with." Gauntlet said.

"Oh, why did you not say so?" Starfire said, and grinned. Several Titans facevaulted.

"Does anyone else find it disturbing that Rob speaks fluent Starfire?" Cyborg commented.

"Not really. Rob's an idiot savant when it comes to languages. If only he had anything valuable to say…" Savior snarked.

Mas Y Menos said something in Spanish, Rob replied, and the two went back and forth a bit before the twins finished and the three laughed, secure in the knowledge that no one else had understood.

"You know, I know you mean me when you say Navidad." Noel commented.

"…Scheiss." Rob said.

"Oh, I know! Robin's going to die when one day Rob or Star 'helpfully' waxes his grappling hook." Beast Boy suggested.

"…This is not a good thing to do?" Starfire said. Robin arched an eyebrow, and then glanced at his belt as several Titans chuckled.

"And Speedy will die the next time he forgets that the bathroom is mine between 9 and 10 in the morning." Bumblebee said.

"Oh will you just get off it…"

"Starfire will die in Paris fleeing a horde of fanboys. People will talk about her decades after her death, and speculate about conspiracies involving the Royal House of Tamaran." Terra said. A few Titans giggled, while Starfire looked confused. "And Sophie's neck will snap under the weight of her fat head."

"Terra will finally suck so much she will collapse on herself like a neutron star!" Sophie snapped back.

"Down girls…"

"Mas will eventually become jealous of Menos' good looks and kill him in a fit of rage." Robin said. The twins looked confused, and then replied in Spanish, going on for nearly five minutes. When it was done, Gauntlet was on the ground struggling for breath.

"What could be that funny?" Savior asked.

"Sorry…it doesn't really translate…oh man guys, that's just WRONG…" Gauntlet giggled.

"Cyborg will die when he wakes up to a ringing one morning and accidentally answers the death ray." Scalpel said.

"Scalpel will die one day when his nose really itches." Cyborg replied.

"Aqualad will drown." Beast Boy said. "Ohhhhh, continuing the irony patrol…Oracle will regain the use of her legs and then trip down a flight of stairs!" Beast Boy added.

"Hey! Don't go there Gar…" Robin warned.

"Okkkkkk…Raven says one syllable wrong in her master spell and accidentally turns herself into a football." Speedy said.

"Raven says one syllable wrong in her master spell and accidentally turns Speedy into a rubber glove, which is then put on by a proctologist." Raven replied in a dry, acid tone. Everyone ohhhhhhhed.

"Beast Boy. Two words. Bird flu." Cyborg said.

"Cyborg. Two words. Water bucket." Beast Boy replied.

"Savior. Two words. Angst poisoning." Gauntlet said.

"Ha ha." Savior replied. "Anyone got a serious one?"

"Oh wait I know!" Starfire said. "Savior, despite all his planning and preparation, is swinging through the air one day…and he gets hit by lightning!"

Everyone laughed, while Savior frowned.

"Good one Star!"

"I don't think that works…" Savior said.

"Oh oh, wait! Better!" Beast Boy said.

"I'm pretty sure you have to be grounded to be hit by lightning…" Savior said.

"Well wait, no, pilots fear being hit by lightning, don't they?" Bumblebee interrupted.

"I'm pretty sure you have to be grounded to be ELECTROCUTED by lightning, which isn't what would happen to a plane." Savior said.

"Guys, I said this wasn't serious." Speedy said.

"Yeah, anyway, my one! Billy Batson says Shazam, and then he gets hit by lightning! Except instead of magic lightning, it's REAL lightning!" Beast Boy said.

"Really, this is wrong. I know you can get hit by lightning in the air, because the human body is far more conductive than air. The electricity takes the path of least resistance, and if it could take a route through a high-water, fairly low resistance human body over the high resistance air, it would. The overall resistance of the "circuit" would be the same, whether you're on the ground getting zapped or swinging through the air. Don't misunderstand me though; it wouldn't stop when it hit me, it would just go through me to complete the circuit. And I would only die if the bolt went through his heart or brain. Say I was about to jump off a lightning rod, and only had one foot on it. If it hit my other foot, it would go up through my genitals and out my foot into the rod, not killing me, but probably making me feel funny down south. You also have to consider that it has to go through my suit first, and my suit doesn't conduct very well, and the Shimmer doesn't conduct at all, hence it is far more likely it will avoid me completely." Savior said.

Everyone stared.

"Well…science backs Savior up. I think." Robin said.

"…Ok, fine." Speedy said. "Batman is driving the Batmobile when he gets struck by lightning and dies."

Robin looked cross.

"No no. Batman is driving the Batmobile when the charred body of Savior, who was struck by lightning seconds before, crashes into the windshield causing the Batmobile to spin out of control and hit a hospital, killing Batman instantly!" Gauntlet declared. Now both Savior and Robin were looking cross.

"The charred remains of the Batmobile are then struck by lightning!" Terra laughed.

"Which is then hit by the plummeting corpse of Billy Batson!" Beast Boy cracked.

"And then Superman kills himself because he hears on Fox News that some bizarre orange Superman died, and he concludes that he must also be dead!" Speedy said.

"I'm going to bed." Noel said, leaving the room. Robin did likewise.

"And then Lois Lane and dozens of construction workers, planning the gigantic thirty story metal statue that will be erected in Superman's honor, all get hit by lightning…!" Gauntlet said as his voice faded from Noel's ears.

Savior had been making notes for about ten minutes when he finally noticed that Raven had been staring out the window for the exact same length of time.

"Something wrong?" He asked.

"…I'm not wholly sure…" Raven said, as she turned away from the window. "Noel, I didn't mention it before, but for the past few days I've been getting…odd feelings."

"How so?"

"I don't know…mostly during meditation…I'll have a fleeting sense something is off, but it's long gone before I can put my finger on what it is."

"Is that a bad sign?"

"Possibly, but I really don't know. Could just be ripples in the natural field of magic. Or it could quite literally be something I ate." Raven said, as she sat down by the bed. "I'll let you know if it intensifies. By the way, you shouldn't take Speedy's game so seriously."

"…One shouldn't joke about death. I feel it can be…too tempting for fate." Savior said, as he finished his writing and slipped his journal away. "Besides, I don't need any holiday stress. It comes too naturally for me anyway."

Raven just looked mildly exasperated, as Noel shrugged and kissed her on the cheek.

"Night." He said, and promptly went to sleep.

"Don't forget who's the precognitive in the relationship here Noel." Raven said to Noel's back, and slipped under the covers herself.

"And try to lighten up. You're still pretty sour."

"I go where life takes me."

Famous last words.