A/N: Man…heh…I've got it bad:-) This is this year's Christmas fic from moi. Last year I've written one too but I won't post. It's horrible! However, this year my thanks to Gackt's "12gatsu no Love song"—yeah, dude, it's your fault!
Please take a look at my profile page for the link to read the story with the lyrics included!
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Gackt but if I had to chose I'd take both. Hell, why not? If I don't make any sense, tell me not please. If you don't like Seto and Serenity, go somewhere else. If you do like Silentshipping but can't admit, read secretly but leave an anonymous review.
Thank you, Tawnykit for beta-ing!
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Troubled Skies on Christmas
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Serenity pulled her coat closer around her small form and tried not to slip on the glacial surface of the sidewalk. Her boots left a clattering sound as she ambled down the street, passing by the brightly colored windows of each and every shop. She had been shopping for Christmas.
She smiled at the thought that she had surprisingly even found something agreeable for her brother. Her carefree smile faded when she caught sight of the surpassing strangers, people who were probably shopping for their loved ones, too. A couple smiled at each other, holding hands. He kissed her cheek while walking.
Serenity sighed heavily and kept on walking, gazing down on her feet. Christmas—what was it worth without the one you loved? The wind blew harshly and she pulled her thick woolly scarf tighter around her neck. There was no time for questions now. Joey had advised her to stop mourning just this morning and Serenity intended to keep his advise in mind.
If only it would be that easy, she thought and stopped in front of one window. Bright red lights surrounded the frame, blinking lights in between the items, small cotton wool balls like thick snowflakes laid sprawled along the bottom. When she spotted the gleaming item her eyes lit up. It was perfect—just what Seto would like!
Seto.
Should she really buy him something for Christmas? Would he give her something? Would he want to get something from her at all? Would she be seeing Seto this Christmas? Was he thinking about silly things like this, too? Was he thinking of her at all?
She sighed in a ragged breath, trying to regain her composure. She needed to grow into this situation or she would sooner or later have a breakdown. With or without him. What was left? What were they? Were they still together? Was there still 'Seto and Serenity'? Or were there just 'he' and 'she'?
Separated.
She hadn't heard anything from Seto for four whole weeks. She had not seen him once during that time. Didn't he miss her? Like she missed him so awfully much? Serenity bit her bottom lip and tried to suppress the stinging within her eyes as tears threatening to fall again. She took a deep breath and pushed it out, once again looking down at the little item she had found.
Was Seto worth it?
After all that had happened she wasn't so sure. Why wouldn't it work anymore? Why did they have to argue every other day? And they did, all the time. They argued about silly things actually, small things that should not be a problem at all. But Seto was just a jerk, not caring whenever Serenity's heart fell. Didn't he know that?
Or was it Serenity who could not understand the CEO's thoughts? Was she over-reacting? Was she too weak? Maybe she was making more out of a problem than there actually was. Did she not have enough control over herself to stop being childish? She was silly. That, she was sure of. If she hadn't… but she had.
And now here she was, Serenity Kaiba, who did not know if her husband still loved her or not.
She cursed the day she left.
-
When Seto stepped out of Kaiba Corporation, the driver immediately opened the limousine's door for him. The air was cool, something he appreciated at the moment. His head was spinning and aching. He slid his silver briefcase inside onto the car's backseat and slammed the door shut. The driver sent a questioning gaze.
"I'm going to walk," the CEO explained and buttoned his black coat up to his expensive looking scarf.
Kaiba started to walk aimlessly down the street toward the center of the city. His gloved hands patted along the pockets of his coat until he found the requested piece and pulled out a slightly crumpled pack of cigarettes. There was only one left and he put it between his lips. In his right pocket he found fire and tried to light the fag several times without success.
He cursed and threw fire and cigarette into the next bin, stuffing his hands deep inside of his pockets. He had tried to quit this ugly habit anyway. With success—four weeks ago he would not have touched one cigarette for three years! But now… everything seemed to change—for the worse he might add. Growling ever so lowly to himself he kept walking, trying not to think of the troubles in his life.
He didn't want to think of anything at all. He didn't want to think of Serenity.
But he did. Every day. Not a single hour passed by without his thoughts drifting to his wife. Would she never come back? Why did she never call? Was she happier without him? He scoffed. Of course. If she wasn't happier now she would have come back, would she? Why had he let her go at all? He was a fool not to do anything about it. He was stupid, bitter and heartless. She had told him a hundred times.
Now, his Serenity should be happy. She got rid of him. Didn't she? They were still married; he still loved her. But did she love him, too? When had she stopped loving him? Did she ever stop? What was left of them? Where would they go from here? Why had he never called her? Why was pride stronger than love? Was it his pride? Or was he too much of a coward? A coward—he of all people. But yet, he was. He should have just grabbed the damn phone and called her.
Would it be too late now?
He glared at some random guy who was passing the CEO by. Frustration and sadness—usually unknown to Seto Kaiba—filled his whole system. The thing was just he had never pitied himself. Instead he had turned his frustration and sadness into anger. But the only thing he was angry with was he himself.
If Serenity was happy without him, he would learn to live with the fact.
"Merry Christmas, young man!"
An old man stood at the side of the street and smiled toothlessly at Kaiba. The old woman next to him hit him with her purse and glared. "Stop grinning at strangers, old fool."
Seto chuckled mindlessly and went past them, quickly. He was not the kind of man who just smiled at strangers, just because they thought they were funny. Still, he was amused. That's probably how he would have ended with Serenity. She would hit him with her purse! She had all rights to. The thought made him almost grin, imagining his wife throwing her bag at him!
Then again, had it already ended for them? Was that all? Would she want a divorce? His stomach clenched, his chest tightened. He missed her. He had been a fool. More fool than anyone could be. He should have stopped her but he didn't.
And now here he was, Seto Kaiba, who did not know if his wife still loved him or not.
He cursed the day she left.
-
Four weeks earlier…
When Seto arrived at home he slid his briefcase onto the marble floor and shrugged his coat off his shoulders. Serenity had awaited him long ago when she slowly came down the big staircase. She smiled. Finally he was back. That was enough to make her smile.
"Seto." She stopped in front of him as he grabbed his briefcase again.
"Hi, Serenity." He gave a nod in her direction, exhausted from work.
"I've tried to call you several times in the office. Where have you been?" she asked, her tone soft.
"A conference," he replied monotonously and went to take off in his study.
"The whole day?" Disappointed she tried again, watching him as he walked down the hallway.
Seto stopped, suppressing a groan of annoyance. He turned to face his wife, not in the mood for reasoning with her. "There've been two conferences today, a marketing specialist visiting and a lot of people nagging me with different stuff."
"But your secretary told you I called, didn't she?"
"Yes." Now he did groan as he turned to leave. "She told me but I really could not find the time to small talk with you. I'm afraid there are more important things I've got to take responsibility for."
She smiled weakly. Of course. She had to understand. She did. Always.
"Where are you going? I've prepared dinner. I thought we would eat together…," she trailed off.
Kaiba coughed. "I've still got work to do, Serenity. Eat without me. I'm busy."
Seto opened the door and vanished inside of his study, leaving a very disappointed Serenity behind. She sighed and walked slowly into the kitchen, her legs suddenly feeling heavier than before. Taking a deep breath she looked at the dinner she had prepared. Seto had to eat after all, even if he was busy.
Just minutes later Serenity carefully knocked on the door and entered the study, her hands balancing a tray with food. Seto looked up from his work with a frown, than gazed back to the screen of his computer.
Silently Serenity placed the plate with food onto the desk and cleared her throat. "You must be hungry, aren't you?"
"What?" Quickly Kaiba looked up onto the offered plate, then paid his attention back to his work. "Yeah, thanks."
Serenity smiled inwardly. He appreciated her caring for him, didn't he? She nearly pitied him for his work and sometimes she wished he would just be a normal guy. Someone with a regular, simple low-life job, working from nine to five, then spent his time only with her. But Seto was just Seto Kaiba, president on Kaiba Corporation. Busy. Hard-working. Twenty-four-seven.
Leaving the office she decided to pay her attention to her own life. At first she called Tea, asking how she had been and chattering away about silly things. Then she grabbed her romance novel and read another two chapters. She yawned, suddenly realizing that it was getting late. She should go to bed.
Seto should leave his work, too. But she knew him. He would still be working, maybe even until late into the night. He would join her in their bed when he had finished working, when Serenity would already be fast asleep, only stirring slightly when she felt his presence. It felt so much better when he was close.
She smiled to herself when she entered the study again, as expected finding Seto over papers and blueprints in the blue-shining light of his computer screen. Walking up close she found his plate untouched. Her face fell.
"Weren't you hungry?"
Seto massaged one of his temples, not looking at his wife, responding mindlessly, "No."
Serenity's chest tightened, her heart ached all of a sudden. She took hold of the plate with the cold food and went to leave. Would that ever change? Would she spend her life with someone who would never eat with her, pay attention to her at all? This was not how she wanted to live.
She stopped without even thinking. "Is that all we'll be during our lives?"
Seto's eyes narrowed as he gazed up from his work. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about you and me, Seto. You know, lately I've exchanged more words with your secretary than you."
He knew where this would lead to: another argument. "Serenity, please, not now."
"What? Isn't it a good time to talk about our problems? Aren't they important enough to you? Maybe you should give me an appointment to talk to my own husband." Serenity trembled as she tried to keep in control of herself.
Kaiba closed his eyes briefly, clenching and unclenching his fist. Why did she always have to argue about things he couldn't change? He had a lot of things to take care of, to work hard to achieve his goals and he was lacking time, he knew that damn well. But, a little bit more understanding he had expected his ever so over-reacting wife to be.
"Aren't you going to say anything? Am I not worth replying to?" she hissed and glared at him.
"Serenity," he began and directed his eyes at her, glaring. "I've really got no time to argue with you now. So, please, will you stop behaving like that already?"
"Like what? How am I behaving? Like someone who's married to a robot? You never have time to argue, as well as time to eat with me, or whatever. I go to bed alone. I wake up alone. You should have married your stupid company!"
Seto growled lowly to himself, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He had to stay calm or everything would become worse, he scolded himself. He still had important contracts to read. He needed to concentrate and not any childish argument. His own wife sounded worse than Mokuba when he was just eight! He darted his eyes back onto the screen and ignored Serenity.
"Don't you dare ignore me!" She shouted at him, her small fists clenched into a tight ball.
"Grow up!" He suddenly yelled at her, glaring, before he just took his pen and started to write on one of his papers. "Maybe I really should have married Kaiba Corporation."
Serenity gritted her teeth and pushed out an angered breath. That was enough. She had tried, so damn often. "Maybe it's better if I move back in with Joey for a while."
Seto kept his gaze fastened on the papers but roared inwardly. She wanted to leave? She wanted to crawl back into the filthy apartment of that loser? Because he didn't eat with her? She had to be kidding! But fine! If she dared to threaten him, he was always up for the challenge. So then be it.
"Fine," he said, nearly hissing between his teeth. His lips built a thin line of anger as he kept ignoring her.
She flinched at his reply and pulled in another ragged breath. He didn't even care that she wanted to leave for a while. Turning, she headed out of Seto's study into the kitchen where she smashed the plate with food into the sink, not caring any tiny bit that it scattered into pieces. Growling but trying not to cry she ran up the stairs into their bedroom.
She wanted to hide under the covers of her bed and cry. But she would not. Not this time. She had enough. Serenity paced the room, sniffing back her sobs through her anger. She cursed him with every bit of her soul. Never in her entire life she had been so angry, disappointed and… heart-broken. Her chest felt so tight. The aching within her became stronger and stronger.
She made a decision.
Seto wiped along his brows as he finished his work; the last email was sent to one of his deliverers. Shutting down the computer he yawned and grabbed a bunch of papers. He would just drink a cup of tea and read through them before he went to bed. Settled within his mind he opened the door of his study and found Serenity in front of the main entrance, two suitcases next to her.
Kaiba raised his eyebrows, then narrowed his blue eyes when he heard his wife sniff and saw her pulling on her coat. "So you're really going?"
"Yes," she said and a tear slid down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly. "I've called Joey. He's going to pick me up. I hope that… if we're separated for a while, that… maybe we'll come back to each other."
Come back to each other? He truly wondered if she had gone insane! Was she trying to make a fool out of him? Did she expect him to beg her to stay? After she had called that mutt of her brother and probably cried her heart out? No! Not with him! Seto Kaiba was no one to play childish games with. Gazing coldly at her he shrugged.
"If that is your wish."
Serenity swallowed the lump in her throat. That was not her wish. That was what she hoped the best for both of them. She nodded nonetheless.
"You know where you can find me, Seto." Her eyes watched him intently, hoping he would say something, that he would call her, that he hoped she would come back soon, that he didn't want her to go, that he loved her.
Instead, he gave a curt nod and began walking down the hallway of the mansion.
Grabbing a suitcase in each of her hands, Serenity Kaiba left the mansion where she had lived for the last three and a half years. Left was the chilly feeling surrounding her heart and the hope everything would be fine one day. She had never meant to leave Seto forever.
-
Stepping out of the shop Serenity grabbed the bags in her hand tightly. She had forgotten her gloves and her fingers began to ache from the coldness. Nevertheless she didn't want to go back home yet.
Home.
Her home was with Seto. But the only home she could go to was Joey's apartment. Not that it wasn't cozy and nice but still, it was not home.
There was not her favorite sofa that she had bought and spent evenings on with Seto, just snuggling up close to him. There was not the kitchen she had used to bake cookies for her husband during the latest three Christmas holidays. There, everything belonged to Joey and one could clearly see that his habits lefts their marks.
There was not where she belonged anymore.
Her feet moved on closer into the mass of people. From the distance you could hear Christmas songs, people laughing and children screaming in fun. Bright lights everywhere made the city look like it was snatched from out of a fairytale. Nearby was an ice skating rink. Not a lake but artificial, and children were skating, couples holding hands onto the ice and a dog was barking alongside one of the young men.
Serenity smiled and sat down on a bench for a moment, placing her bags next to her. There was a Christmas fair in the city and she could smell all kinds of different delicious aromas. People were selling eggnog and hot wine, baked sweets and other well-tasting things. Bells were ringing in the distance and star singers around.
She loved that time of the year, usually. But, this year, her heart felt sad.
What would she do with the gift she had bought for Seto? Send it to him with a Christmas card? Give it to him personally, just to see him throw it away? The possibility was small but the tiny risk enough to make her back out. She would send it and hopefully animate him to call her for at least a thank you. If he didn't call, fine, then at least she would know where they were standing!
Under normal circumstances she would right now sit at home, maybe drink a cup of winter tea in front of the fireplace. She would have decorated the Christmas tree she had chosen for Seto and her like every year. He would joke about how she was sticking the candles up onto the tree, risking to burn it down. And when she tried to put a star on the top and dared to fall off the ladder, Seto would catch her, shaking his head.
She slowly drifted off, back into memories of better times.
-
The noises became more audible and the smell of different scents filled Seto's nostrils as he neared the Christmas fair. He didn't like to go through the mass of people, but it was the shortest way to the mansion, after all. Passing by an ice skating rink he suddenly stopped, frozen to the spot. A lone figure sat on a bench and Kaiba could have sworn it was his wife, Serenity.
Long hair flowed in the chilly late afternoon's breeze and her small form was ever so familiar to Seto. It was Serenity. There was no doubt. What was she doing here? Where was Joey? Was she all alone? Why would she just sit there and stare into space? She looked… sad. Not at all like the other happily grinning faces around here.
He took a deep breath and pushed it out. It was time for him to make a move. Walking to the next fair shop he ordered hot wine and paid the seller quickly, not wanting to take his eyes off Serenity, afraid she would vanish into nothing. Yet she sat still on the spot. Slowly he neared her figure from the side. She didn't realize his presence until he sat next to her.
Serenity snapped out of her daze and her eyes slowly shifted to look next to her. She couldn't believe what she saw. Who she saw. Was this just a dream? She blinked but he didn't fade away. He was still there. It was he.
"Seto." Her breath left a tiny cloud in the cold air.
"Here. You look cold." He handed the cup of hot wine to her and she took it hesitantly.
"Thank you," she replied like in trance, still not quite registering what was happening.
Silence erupted between them. Neither of them knew what to say. Serenity sipped from her wine, the hot liquid immediately warming her up from inside. She cupped the mug with both of her cold hands.
"How are you?" She asked, not wanting to just sit and wait for him to say something.
"Fine," he replied without thinking and cursed himself for doing so. Of course she would think he was pretty fine without her. Ironic how it was all the opposite, he thought.
Serenity nodded and turned back to look at the children on the ice. Her heart sank. But she did not want to cry or show him her sadness. He was fine without her. That was enough to make her lose all her hopes.
The man next to her felt exactly how he had once again turned her down. He was so stupid. Why was he making mistake after mistake? Hadn't he come to make amends with her? Didn't he love her? He had to act. He had to say something.
"Come back home, Serenity."
Her eyes snapped upon him and she stared in wonderment as hope filled her heart. Did he mean that? Was he going to apologize? Or was this just another one of his all too famous orders? Suddenly his hand reached out and took the cup of wine out of her hands, just to cover them with his, squeezing gently.
"I've been a fool to think I could do without you," he began and tried to keep his mind in focus of his task. "I've made a mistake."
Looking at her made him strangely lose the words for whatever he wanted to say. He gazed ahead, staring blankly at the scene of happy people in this place. But his mind kept on trying to find the words he had to say. An apology had never been what he could easily articulate.
She knew of his struggle. That was he, after all. As he turned she could see what he wanted to say even though words stayed unspoken. Tears filled her hazel eyes but she smiled.
"No, it's not your fault. I went. I've made the mistake."
"I let you go," he reasoned and sighed in a dreadful breath. "You don't need to blame yourself. I've been too stubborn to stop you from moving out."
She shrugged slightly. "I don't want to argue anymore. We've both been stupid."
"I guess." He gave a tiny smile and draped his arm around her, looking down into her eyes. "Will you come back home to me?"
"Yes. What kind of Christmas would it be without you?" He really didn't need to ask her twice as she quickly hugged his strong built frame. She had missed to feel that safe beside him. Even though she smiled, happy again, she couldn't hold back any longer and let her tears slide down her cold cheeks.
"Tell me about it. I've got an undecorated tree in my living room," sardonically he added and received a small giggle from below.
Resting his cheek on her head, Kaiba gathered the woman within his arms and held her tightly. He would not let her go away again. She was the only person he could ever imagine by his side for the rest of his life.
In silence they sat there as time passed by. They did not care.
Suddenly Serenity's head shot up from its resting position, leaning against his shoulder. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and turned to pick up one of her bags, fishing inside.
"I've bought something for you. I know it's still two days until Christmas but… I want you to have it." She handed him the small box, wrapped in red paper.
Surprised, he raised his brows as he took the gift. "Thank you. You shouldn't have—"
"No, no. Don't even say it. I know I shouldn't have." She winked at him and laid her hand across his thigh. "Open it."
Gazing curiously at the item in his hands, Seto started to unwrap the little box until he could see what was hidden inside and pulled it out. "It's a neck chain."
"Yes, one with a hematite. The man in the shop told me that it's said that a hematite has the ability to make its owner successful. He would win in any process," she explained euphorically. "And, it's the stone for your zodiac sign, the Scorpio."
Seto's lips slowly formed into a tiny smile as he listened to her explanations. "Really?"
Smiling, Serenity just watched as Seto regarded the item closely. "Silly, isn't it?"
Within the silver tribal cross was a black hematite surrounded by little thin silver lines. "No, not at all. I like it."
"I was hoping you'd like it."
"Put it around my neck for me," he asked and handed the chain to her.
Carefully she wrapped the thin silver chain around his neck, not to entangle with his chestnut hair and the scarf around his neck.
"Thanks. How did you know we would meet?" He asked as he draped his arm back again around her shoulders.
"I didn't. I would have given it to you anyway. It's Christmas after all." She smiled at him.
"Hm…But you won't get your gift before Christmas though." One corner of his mouth twitched, forming a tiny grin.
"You've got something for me?" She suddenly felt like a child again, all excited.
"Of course." He pulled her closer. "It's Christmas after all."
Bringing his lips down to hers he kissed her gently. She sighed into the kiss and let herself be carried away for a minute before they broke their kiss. She stuffed her cold hands underneath the fabric of Seto's coat and embraced him that way.
"I love you." She gazed up into the eyes of her husband. "Don't let me go again."
Seto's lips graced a rare smile that held a promise. "I won't."
Smiling blissfully she leant her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes briefly. How could she ever doubt him? There was nobody on this earth who was perfect, not even Seto Kaiba. She wouldn't even want him that way. Serenity certainly wasn't perfect either. She would talk to him differently in the future. She wouldn't freak out anymore, nor would she be always nice. She would tell him straight what she was thinking—she vowed.
Forgetting time, she suddenly shivered.
"Wanna go home?" Seto raised his brows in question at his wife who nodded. "You're getting cold."
Bringing himself into a standing position he pulled her up with him. His arms stayed across her shoulders. "I could make you one of my famous hot chocolates? That'll warm you up."
"Your famous hot chocolates?" She giggled. "Since when do you know how to do things like that?"
"Don't underestimate me. Ask Mokuba. I'm perfectly capable of making hot chocolate. You'll never guess how often he came home in winter with frozen feet and a sniffing nose." He mocked hurt.
Serenity just kept on giggling lowly. "Oh, okay. I believe you. I just…"
"You just what?"
"I just could have thought of other things you could do to warm me up." She batted her eyelashes innocently while she was walking close to him, one of her hands inside of his coat pocket.
Seto chuckled lowly. "I'll make sure to warm you up, Serenity."
-
The End.
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MERRY CHRISTMAS!