Part 10

"You know, this feeling I have, it's hardly new…" Savior said to Scalpel. Savior had arrived swiftly, and now stood nearby. Scalpel appeared not to be paying attention, but he was, as he walked around the Christmas tree he had chosen. He didn't have an axe, but that didn't matter. Sophie, now dressed up for winter, stood nearby, watching and also listening, as being out of his room and in such a different environment had finally seemed to allow Savior to open up a bit

"People claim the Peanuts Christmas special as one of if not THE best of its kind, and Charlie Brown had the exact same feelings. Christmas was too commercialized, people had lost what the season really meant, and they were moving farther away then heading back." Savior said, as Scalpel went up to the tree, made a mark, and then walked away as he continued to circle it, examining it.

"I mean…I thought I might find some catharsis in doing all the grunt stuff, letting people have fun, get rid of the feeling…I mean, I do like to help my friends, heck, at times I even like helping people…but that didn't get rid of it. Then I tried thinking it through, and I proceeded to do it nearly a thousand times from forty different angles…that didn't work either. I look around the Tower, and I see the happiness that this season can bring, despite dustups like the kitchen thing…it's there, but it apparently doesn't see me. And unlike Charlie Brown, I don't have a Linus to come out and recite a few Bible verses to wash away my melancholy. So really…I'm just lost, overall. When I think I know what the season means, I don't like the meaning…and when I don't…then I wonder what's the problem. With the world, and me."

Silence.

"…Well Noel…all I can say is this. Your people have been attributing great things to events, objects, theories, beliefs, and all that for centuries now when in the end it would be better leaving them alone and letting others find out what they are firsthand without having any previous idea so they think what THEY will of them…and as for you, well, you claim you find no joy in the season, no answers for your sorrow, I heard you say that multiple times…and yet…" Scalpel said.

And then he yelled and changed, snapping out his foot and kicking the pine tree perfectly at the base, the trunk snapping in two as the tree fell.

Shimmer lines caught it.

"You don't let it stop you from getting another tree that you didn't break to help the friends who you won't listen to for the sake of a season you won't believe in. You may not think so, Noel…but your name is apt. I think, most of the time, you understand what this season is more then anyone."

Silence, again.

"…You know, I think you're right." Savior said. "Perhaps it's like an affair. The one who needs to know most is always the last."

"Well, I wouldn't compare Christmas to infidelity…though then again your several of your human religions' Jesus was supposedly born now, after being conceived in immaculate conception with a woman who already had a husband…so maybe the whole season IS based in infi…"

"Ok ok, you can stop the musing there before you piss someone off." Sophie said, as she ran up to Scalpel's side as he began carrying the tree away by the trunk, Savior carrying the other end. "So Savior, you done sulking?"

"…Yeah. I think I am done."

"Yay!" Sophie said.

Then she kicked Scalpel lightly in the ankle.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Why didn't you say that a week ago?"

"Hey, finding the right words can be an art form my dear…"

"Whatever! Let's just get back to the Tower for some hot chocolate and whatever fun we can make up for." Sophie said, grinning.

In retrospect, Robin should have acted quicker. For one thing, there was no Santa Claus, so how could he be in the Tower? And the second was, this sure as heck didn't look like any Santa Claus he'd seen. This Santa wasn't a fat jolly elf with a white beard and a bright-red outfit. This Santa was a towering figure who rippled with muscle, his long beard more gray then white and actually done up in some braids. His outfit was more dark-red then red, the white and red of the outfit either sooty or dirty. Most of all, he was wearing a huge silver belt buckle that was in the shape of his head. Oh yeah, and he had a wicked, nasty look on his face.

Third was the fact he threw a bowling ball into Starfire's face. That was a definite cue that he should have acted quicker, as Starfire hit the ground. Fortunately, she did not suffer the literal version of being brained: her head was much tougher then a human.

Robin's eyes went wide, as did everyone's. In the back of his head, a thought chimed up, saying that this Santa looked familiar.

"HO! HO! HO!" 'Santa' laughed. "I don't know how I got here, but I know one thing!"

And he reached down and picked up one of Cyborg's Christmas 'timesavers'.

"I know good toys when I see them! But Santa is supposed to make the best toys, not kids in ridiculous outfits! That's very naughty!"

"Crap, he's got the Tinsel-Zooka 5000!" Gauntlet yelled.

"HO! HO! HO!" 'Santa' laughed evilly, as he opened fire. All the Titans dove for cover, as the tinsel tore through the furniture, Robin grabbing Starfire and getting her to cover as well. Raven flew up, beginning her chant…and then a chair was blasted by the Tinsel-Zooka and the pieces crashed into Raven's upper body, knocking her down and stunning her.

"What the HELL IS GOING ON!" Bumblebee yelled.

"Santa Claus is gunning you down!" 'Santa' laughed, and let loose with another series of blasts, as the Titans once again dodged.

"Ohhhhhhh…" Starfire groaned. "Santa…Santa…what did I do wrong…"

Robin grit his teeth.

"TITANS! GO! SHOVE HIM UP THE CHIMNEY!" Robin yelled, as he snapped out his staff. He didn't care who this Santa was or how he'd got in, he was going to introduce him to his own personal North Pole, as he leapt through the air, dodging the Tinsel-Zooka as he swung down his staff, hitting 'Santa' square between the eyes.

Santa didn't budge. He didn't even seem to feel it. It was like Robin had attacked Superman.

"Naughty!" 'Santa' chided, and then he backhanded Robin across the whole room, Robin crashing through the presents. "In fact, you're all naughty! Santa doesn't have any lumps of coal to give you, but he can sure GIVE YOU YOUR LUMPS!"

Of course, the Titans weren't going to make this easy, as they all attacked. However, they had never trained about fighting in such a small space with such great numbers, and hence pretty much all fell over each other, doing 'Santa's' job for him, though he clearly didn't like that. Apparently, he preferred to smash them himself.

"All right, enough! Santa says there are too many bad little boys and girls in too little space! I vote that you and you get five minutes in time out!" 'Santa' yelled, as he grabbed Gauntlet and Bumblebee and shoved them in the nearest closet and locked it with a gigantic padlock he produced from somewhere.

"…Well. Fancy meeting you here." Gauntlet said, as Bumblebee tried to get out and found she couldn't.

"Ok, enough room to play now! HO! HO! HO!" 'Santa' declared.

What followed could only be described as taking holiday chaos to a whole new level.

"LOOK OUT!"

BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!

"HO HO HO!"

"EAT THIS!"

"It's not doing anything!"

"No, not my stockings!"

"I'll stuff YOUR stocking!"

WHAM! CRUNCH!

"Oh no! He has the Snow Storm cannon!"

BLAST! SPLURT!

"Oh god, this stuff tastes like…icing?"

"Santa es malvodo! Culpe el Internet!"

"RARRRGGHHHH!"

"IYEEEEEEEE!"

"Eat explosive arrow, you…!"

BLAM!

"HOW DID THAT NOT WORK?"

"What an interesting toy!"

ZIIIPPPHHH!

"NOT AGAIN!"

"STOP USING MY INVENTIONS!"

"If you say so!"

RRRRRRRRRR!

"Oh god, look out, he has a lawn mower!"

GRAAAAHHHHHRGGGHHHH!

"HO! HO! HO!"

"AHHHHHH!"

"NOT THAT WAY!"

CRASH! BOOM!

"I had so much fun with this, I'll use it again!"

"OH NO YOU…!"

ZIPPPHHHHHH!

"ARGH!"

"Now I have you!" Terra said as she finally got into the open, raising her arms to summon rocks…

And then the window exploded behind her, and she turned around with a scream before she was knocked over by what looked like a caribou on steroids, the flying animal trampling her underfoot.

"Awwwwww! Blondie got run over by a reindeer!" 'Santa' said, as he jumped into his sleigh. "Thank you all children! I've been waiting so long to play! As a sign of my appreciation…!" 'Santa' said, as he pulled out a Christmas ornament…and pulled the pin, tossing it into the midst of the group.

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all, GOOD NIGHT! HO HO HO!" 'Santa' roared, and flew his lone reindeer out and away from the tower.

A second later, the whole room exploded, a massive fireball blasting from the windows, as 'Santa' flew away, roaring malicious laughter.

The smoke cleared from the room.

Revealing a black shield over half of it, as Raven lowered her arms, panting slightly. That hadn't been easy, but Raven had managed to block it. Not because of her strength, but because she knew what it was. Chaos magic. A kind she recognized. The off thing that kept bothering her had finally clarified.

She looked at the Titans. Speedy and Robin were tied up in gift wrap, while Aqualad were pasted to the wall with fake snow. Mas Y Menos were cowering behind a couch, while Cyborg was stuck under a still shuddering lawn mower, the blade having shredded on his metal armor but gotten attached to him the process. Beast Boy had been tinseled to the wall, though thankfully it was a pinning situation rather then an impaling one due to the angle of the blast. Starfire was still lying dazed on the ground, as was Terra from her mild trampling: she'd tend to her first, even as she glared at the gift wrap holding Robin and Speedy. Black energy seized it and tore it off, and the two, now released, began freeing the other Titans.

"What happened? And where are our gifts?" Beast Boy asked.

"Teleported them to the next room. Because I care." Raven said, as she finished fixing up Terra.

"Ok, who the hell was that! I am gonna kick his ass so hard…" Speedy yelled, as Robin sprayed something from his belt on Aqualad and helped free him from the fake snow.

"I have no idea." Robin replied. "But considering what he just did, we better find out, fast. And will someone let Gauntlet and Bumblebee out of the closet?"

"On it." A scuffed up Cyborg said, as he used a finger laser to melt the padlock.

Gauntlet came out first, grinning like a fool.

"Oh, what are you so happy about?" Cyborg said.

Gauntlet held up a scrap of paper.

"I got digits."

"Hello, anyone there? Hello? Robin? Anyone?" Savior said into his communicator. "Still nothing. Maybe they're not back yet."

"You think anything's wrong?" Scalpel said from his section of the T-Ship.

"I can't see what could be."

"All right soldiers of non-specific gender…" Gauntlet said, dressed in a Patton helmet. "We have a situation on our hands. Santa Claus, aka Saint Niklaus, aka Father Christmas, aka the Hanukah Zombie, has turned on humanity."

"And we can't find him again, why exactly?" Robin asked Raven.

"He's not reading on any radar systems, and I can't sense him with my talent or spells. To put it simply Robin…he's empowered by the season."

"…What?"

"He essentially 'blends in' with the time…basically, it's like he was a needle in a haystack. Yeah, I could find him…but it sure wouldn't be easy. It's this time. I can't explain WHY…but since it's Christmas, he can do that, and other things. Like how strong he is. It's why he ignored all our attacks. It's the problem with chaos magic: it has a wicked sense of humor."

"Great. So where did he come from and how do we stop him?"

"Working on both."

"While the sorceress is great, our own minds have devised two theories about this issue." Gauntlet said. "One, mankind's constant naughtiness, which according to many, COUGHCOUGHSAVIOR, has increased in recent years, which has caused him to snap. Now, it is impossible to reduce the naughtiness voluntarily. So, we will have to devise a mind control device. Vic, how long would it take you to create a model capable of working on a global scale?"

"Uh…"

"…Savior?" Raven said to herself, as Gauntlet's pseudo-cough caused a few of her own puzzle pieces to fall into place.

"Theory Two is that Santa has been replaced by some sort of evil doppelganger, either a clone, a robot, or some sort of master of disguise. If that is the case, then our only hope is to find the real Santa."

"Savior did it." Raven said, more to herself then the group as she put all the pieces together.

"Now, it is believed that Santa would be placed at the exact opposite pole of his jolly powers. So, we will split into two teams. One will work on the global mind control device, while the other will launch an expedition to the Antarctic, which was unfortunately made by someone to be on the exact opposite of the Arctic…"

"Savior did this!" Raven said.

"Savior made the Antarctic on the opposite end of the Earth from the Artic?" Gauntlet said.

"No. Savior caused this evil Santa to appear."

"What? How?" Cyborg said.

"…I don't know yet. I just know he did. I'll have to ask him exactly how when he gets back."

Everyone facevaulted.

"Well, we still need to find him and stop him, and Gauntlet, the mind control/Antarctic expedition? Ain't gonna fly." Robin said.

"Well, we could always go into town and form an angry mob." Gauntlet said.

"I'll go get my pitchfork!" Terra said as she got up and ran off.

"Angry mob?" Robin said incredulously.

"Hey, it worked on Frankenstein." Gauntlet replied, as Terra returned with a pitchfork.

"Hah! You all said I'd never find a use for this thing, but who's laughing now?"

And then Terra got hit by a snowball.

"WHO KEEPS DOING THAT!"

"Does anyone have a…I can't believe I'm saying this, PRACTICAL way to beat Santa Claus?" Aqualad asked.
"Well, a pitchfork to the heart usually works." Terra suggested.

"May I point out he took one of Speedy's explosive arrows, which is designed to stop a tank, and didn't even flinch?" Robin said.

"Ah man." Terra said, as she stroked her farm instrument. "There there Pitchy. Someday you'll get your chance."

"Look people…" Robin said.

And then a beeping came from the Titans' communicator, to signal something they had just set up: advance warning if anyone approached the Tower. All the Titans opened the communicators to take a look.

"Is it him?"

"Cyborg, where's the T-Ship?" Robin asked. Cyborg hit a few buttons.

"Still in the hanger!" Cyborg declared, not knowing that because of a glitch he was reading the ship when it was indeed out.

"ACK! HE'S BACK! MAN THE DEFENSES!" Gauntlet yelled, and the Titans scattered.

"Hello? Anyone there? Hello!" Savior said, as he bought the T-Ship in…unfortunately from the opposite site of the T-Tower so he couldn't see the hole in it. And the blast that had produced said hole had also screwed up communications: the Titans had been too busy to answer Savior before but now they literally couldn't.

"Problem?" Scalpel asked.

"Maybe. I'll go look." Savior said, as he got out of the T-Ship and headed for the nearest door.

And saw the tacks scattered around said entrance. Savior blinked.

"Well?" Scalpel asked.

"Scratch trouble. I think they're trying to prank me. I'll go in. You shut down the ship and get the tree ready…" Savior said, as he carefully stepped over the tacks. "What are they trying to prov…"

And then Savior stepped on the thick sheet of ice. Unlike Nightwalker though, he didn't exactly have a lot of grace on it.

"WHOA! WHOA!" He yelled, as he slid around, before the Shimmer kept him from falling on the tacks and doing his best Mick Foley impression. Growling, he slammed Shimmer lines into the ice, breaking it, and then headed for the door, which was unlocked.

And from which a paint can swung down when he opened it. Savior's training allowed him to dodge, and with another growl he walked into the room.

He stopped: it was dark. Savior took a deep breath to try and calm himself, as the Shimmer sought out and flicked the light switch.

"All right, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS MACAULAY CULKIN CR…"

And then voice-activated traps triggered, as Savior was sprayed with super glue and then with feathers.

He stood there for a moment, twitching.

"We got him! We got him!" Gauntlet yelled, as he and several Titans ran out, all of them dressed in ad-voc body armor like pots and pillows. "Oh. It's an entirely different brand of Scrooge."

A vein throbbed in Savior's forehead, as he tried to use Shimmer to peel some of the feathers away.

"Savior." Robin said as he also entered the room.

"Tim. Finally some sanity. WHAT'S GOING ON!"

"Actually…" Raven said, as she also entered. "We were hoping you could clear that up for us. Tell me Savior, did you touch anything while we were gone?"

"Savior is the only one of us who went through both experiences involving the horror movies at Halloween." Raven said, as the Titans sat and listened, Starfire using the heat aspect of her Starbolt powers to help clean Savior off. "The first time, at our tower, and the second time when he was spying on the Hive. Both times were the result of circumstances causing a…how shall we say, unique aspect of chaos magic manifesting, the end result was that horror films came to life. While I believed that there were no harmful aftereffects after both events ended, it appeared that Savior did indeed retain some of the latent negative magic. That was the thing that was bothering me, Savior: the stirrings of the dark power within you. I couldn't place it precisely because I was too close to it. But when Savior picked up this…" Raven said, holding up Santa's Slay. "The power found an outlet, mainly because this appears to be the first movie Savior's touched since then."

"Of course. He couldn't have touched some of Cyborg's extensive porn collection, or my Marvel comics, or our copy of Halo. Noooo, he just HAD to touch the BAD thing." Gauntlet said. Savior, now mostly cleaned up, glared at him.

"I vote we never rent movies again." Terra said.

"The result is the same as Halloween, except this is just one movie. Savior had brought the Santa of this film, played by a pro wrestler I believe…"

"Bill Goldberg." Robin said, having finally recognized where he recognized the evil Santa from.

"Right, this film's Santa to life. This film's Santa is really a demon on a killing spree, which is carried over here. But the magic has awarded an interesting, and by that I mean terrible, twist. This is Santa's season. He, in theory, including a chaos magic manifestation of him, would draw power from it. Or at least that's what the forces of evil like to think, because it's clear that he's virtually indestructible. Now, while that does not mean he's unstoppable…it means we have a problem. Now we need a…"

"Let me get this straight." Savior suddenly said. "We are faced with an evil Santa, with a bottomless bag of tricks and invincibility which is inexplicably due to this being Christmas, somehow letting him draw power from some vague undefined well, power we have no idea how to measure, counter, or stop, from an evil Santa I brought to life because I picked up a movie, just when everything was finally starting to look up?"

"…Yes, pretty much."

"………………………AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Savior bellowed. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE! IT JUST WON'T END! MALL ROBBERIES! TOY RIOTS!…"

"Actually that was due to Professor Chang's emotion warping ray, he caused it." Robin interjected.

"REALLY? GOOD TO KNOW! BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH! BECAUSE NO SOONER DO WE GO THROUGH ALL THAT THEN WE'RE FACED WITH AN INVINCIBLE EVIL SANTA! I'VE HAD IT! NO MORE! I QUIT!"

"You quit the Titans?" Robin said, shocked.

"NO! I QUIT THIS FANFIC! I REFUSE TO APPEAR IN ANY MORE OF THIS BRAIN-NUMB, OVERLONG, PERVERTED, CRAZY, TORMENTING PIECE OF GARBAGE WRITTEN BY A GOOSE-STEPPING ARM RAISING SIG HEILING EUROPE INVADING WAR STARTING AUTHOR, OR AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT SHE SHOULD BE DOING BECAUSE SHE'S MORE OF A DICTATOR THEN I'VE EVER SEEN AND I HAVE HAD IT AND I QUIT!" Savior bellowed as he stormed off to the side. He did not come back.

"….So…Santa?" Gauntlet said.

"…Yeah. We need to deal with this problem." Robin said.

"Well, brute force won't work. Logic clearly won't work…how about if we destroy the DVD?"

"But the store will be mad!" Beast Boy said.

"Oh for the love of…we donated five million dollars to charity this year, we can take a twenty dollar hit for a DVD!" Robin said.

"That won't work." Raven said. "We need to send him back INTO the movie, and to do that we have to beat him. If we have no movie, then we can't send him back. The trick is finding a way."

"Can't we just wait until Christmas passes, when in theory his powers will fail?" Aqualad said.

"And let him run riot for two days? Forget it." Robin said.

"What if Starfire left him on the moon?" Terra suggested. They looked at her. "Uh…could be the power of obscure irony…or something."

"No, I don't like the potential results of that. 'Psshhhaw this is an astronaut from 2046, we are doing the first lunar landing in 75 years…' 'HO HO HO!' 'What? I didn't hear you in space…'" Cyborg mimicked.

Amazing how after an eruption like Noel's, they can just go on making jokes.

It's probably best he left. This story was making him way too high-strung. Wait, he's naturally like that.

I'm high-strung eh?

Ack! How did you get in here? This is authors only!

The back door's unlocked. So, this is where the puppet strings are pulled, huh? Getting your jollies?

Actually, I'm trying to entertain people and make them laugh, and hence make them happy, which is the true point of Christmas and something you should do well to remember, Noel.

What would you know about me?

I created you as you know yourself, dumbass.

Whatever. I'm not going back.

Fine. You want to sit up here and do director's commentary?

No. Is that the script? I'd rather direct!

Hey! Give that back!

"All right, considering how messed up the situation is…Ok, I have the solution for our problem." Gauntlet said.

Give that back! You can't write the story!

Unless you want a Shimmer enema, YES I CAN.

"We need to intentionally use that chaos magic to free the evil robot Santa from Futurama, and tell him that someone else is claiming to be Santa. Then, robot Santa will kill Goldberg Santa. It's the only logical solution, given the circumstances." Gauntlet said.

Oh that's ridiculous! Change it!

WHIR-

"Ok, I have the solution to our problem." Gauntlet said. "We need to use that gigantic laser cannon in the Justice League satellite to destroy him for good! It's the only logical solution, given the circumstances."

Ugh! Change it!

WHIR-

"We need to call Superman in and have him toss him into the sun! It's our only…"

Change it!

"We need to fight him again, but this time use weapons based on the rival holidays, like Kwanzaa and Hanukah. It's…"

Change!

"We need to convince him to use the Mayan calendar so he'll see it's not Christmas, rendering him powerless…"

Change!

"If we could build some kind of wooden badger…"

Change!

"We need to baste him in teriyaki sauce and shove him into the shark tank at Sea World!"

CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE!

"Our only hope is…um…I had a bunch of great ideas, but now I've forgotten them all. And for some reason, I'm mad at Savior." Gauntlet said.

Alright, enough character bashing there Scrooge. Give us the script back.

NEVE…hey!

Change!

"I know! We have to find another holiday warrior from another movie, and bring him to life to battle evil Santa!" Gauntlet said.

Oh for the love of CH…

"That might just work." Raven said.

Whuh?

"We've never had two of these manifestations battle each other…but in theory they would emit the same kind of energy. The two might cancel each other out, give us a better chance." Raven said.

…All right, if my girlfriend thinks it makes sense, stick with it.

Since when did you become an author? I've half a mind to scar your face with acid so you'll be less of a Stu…

Charlie, the story?

Oh, right.

"Ok then…but just who are we going to bring to life?" Robin asked.

Gauntlet gave a wide grin.

"I have the perfect candidate."

"You're sure this will work?" Scalpel asked Raven, as the Titans gathered around the mystical symbol she had drawn on the floor.

"I'm an empath, tuned to certain things. I've felt this chaos effect, so I should be able to duplicate it. I just never thought I'd have a reason to." Raven said. "Ok, back up. This should work…or most of the state will be blown off the map, one of the two."

The Titans looked horrified.

"Kidding, kidding!" Raven said, and closed her eyes. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos… Azarath Metrion Zinthos…"

Power began to course through Raven, as the DVD rose up before her.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos… Azarath Metrion Zinthos…AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS…" Raven uttered as she opened her eyes, the pupils glowing pitch black, as a form began to emerge from the DVD.

"ZINTHOS!"

WHAM!

"This is Halloween! This is-OWTCH!" The immensely tall and spindly figure sang before he twirled and bashed into a wall. "I don't remember there being a wall there…hmmmmmm?" The figure said, as he turned, rubbing his nose and looking around.

Or rather, rubbing where he would have a nose, if he had one. Which he didn't.

The Titans stared in amazement, most unable to believe that it worked, as Raven set her legs down.

"Hello, Jack Skellington." She said. "Welcome to our world."