I'm glad you're pleased, duckies! here we go...

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As summer moved into autumn, Codi found herself happier than she'd ever been. She spent her days roving the woods with her mother, learning the ways of the forest. She found that simply learning how to function on her own did amazing things for her self-confidence. Although Gawain could still charm and cajole her when he really wanted to, Codi learned that she could say no more and more often. She found she liked this new arrangement and her feelings for Gawain grew as she found less and less reason to be irritated with him.

Codi had explained about her lessons with Morgaine to Arthur. At first he had been furious and forbidden her to go (she had no intention of obeying) but was surprised when he sought her out some time later to tell her that he'd reconsidered. She strongly suspected that Tristan had had a hand in it. Tristan was the only person she told about her mother. He listened carefully and nodded solemnly, accepting it as truth. He didn't press her for more information or demand explanations and for that, she was grateful. Codi wanted desperately to ask about his hawk and tattoos. It wasn't coincidence that both he and his former teacher had uncannily intelligent birds attached to them and tattoos representing said birds. Morgaine had crows feet at the corners of her eyes—which Codi thought was kind of funny, but that was beside the point—and Codi had long since noticed that Tristan's bore a remarkable resemblance to talons. However, Tristan never pried, so neither should she.

Or so she told herself. One day, Codi simply could not resist any longer.

"Tristan," she asked as they walked along the ramparts. "What do your tattoos mean?"

"They're for my bonny lass," Tristan said fondly, stroking his bird's chest with a finger.

"Well, I guessed that," Codi said, "but there's more to it than that, isn't here? Mother has a raven and tattoos. She said she taught you everything you knew. I know there's a connection there somewhere."

"Not everything," Tristan said mildly. "I did know some when I went to her."

"Don't avoid the question," Codi told him sternly.

Tristan sighed. "I promise, Codi, you will know some day. Perhaps within the year—who knows? When the time is right, you will know."

"That's not an answer," Codi grumbled.

"Well, tis all you're getting, my lass," Tristan said briskly, and changed the subject. "How are things between you and your husband-to-be?"

"He's not my husband to be," Codi said patiently. "Not yet, anyway."

"He seems to think differently." Tristan looked down at her gravely, but his eyes were twinkling. "Just yesterday he was pledging to name his first son after me."

"Was he drunk?" Codi snorted.

"Perhaps," Tristan said with a wicked smile. "Or perhaps not."

"Well, he can name his first son whatever he likes, but it would be his son, not mine." Codi grinned impishly. "I would never name my son after you. He might take after you in habits as well as in name."

"What habits?" Tristan demanded, affronted. "My habits are perfectly respectable, thank you."

"You never comb your hair and rarely bathe," Codi said succinctly. "You spend your time drinking and gambling and trying to steal your friend's woman--"

"I do not," Tristan sputtered. "I bathed just yesterday--"

"Only because you came home covered in mud--"

"And I don't drink nearly as much as Gawain or Bors--"

"You can't hold your liquor!"

"And I don't gamble--"

"Yes, you do, you lost five silver pieces to Lancelot last night--"

"That was the first time in more than a year!"

"A likely story."

"And I am certainly not trying to steal you or any other woman," Tristan huffed, looking extremely disgruntled.

Codi had only rarely seen him so ruffled. She had to laugh. "Oh, Tristan, I'm only joking. If I ever had a son, I would be proud if he turned out like you."

"You are a horrible, poxy cow," Tristan muttered. "I don't know what Gawain sees in you."

"Blathering fool," she returned sweetly, and they continued on in silence until a loud, happy voice interrupted.

"Codi!" Gawain called, loping up and grabbing her hands. "Codi, come see. I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" Codi asked dubiously, slanting a glance at Tristan, who shrugged. "What kind of surprise?"

"A good one," Gawain said, eyes twinkling.

"What--"

"Come and see for yourself," Gawain cried, tugging her hands. "I've just finished it."

Curious, Codi allowed Gawain to pull her away. Tristan followed, clearly as curious as she, though he didn't say anything. To Codi's surprise, Gawain led her to Vonora's house. At the door, he covered her eyes and led her inside. She could hear children chattering and whining and Vonora shushing them.

"Ready?" Gawain asked.

"Is this something I should be ready for?" Codi asked, only half jokingly. You never knew with Gawain.

Gawain chuckled and uncovered her eyes, revealing... a bed. Her own bed tucked into a corner. It was a tiny bed, one that would barely contain her, but it wasn't a pile of straw infested with bugs and rats and spiders. It even had a small pillow. Her blanket was spread neatly on top of it. Codi spun around and threw her arms around Gawain's neck.

"Gawain, this is wonderful!" she cried. "How did you manage it? Surely you didn't do it all today--"

"I cut the pieces separately and then put them together today," Gawain explained, hugging her back. "You like it?"

"I love it!" Codi exclaimed, and flopped down to prove her point. "Oh, I can't wait to go to sleep tonight..."

"Why does she get her own bed?" Bors' favorite bastard, Gilly, asked. "She's just a girl."

"Hush," Vonora snapped. "She works harder than you do, sirrah, and you would do well to remember it."

"Mmm," Codi murmured, and wriggled about it ecstasy. Tristan shook his head in amusement and excused himself. "You're amazing, Gawain."

Gawain bent over to give her a sweet, lingering kiss. "How amazing?" he whispered.

"Very amazing," Codi whispered back, and kissed him.

Vonora cleared her throat loudly. "There will be none of that under my roof," she said firmly.

Codi raised an eloquent eyebrow and looked at the cluster of bastards watching on.

"Cheeky miss," Vonora muttered.

"What she means is, there will be none of it under her roof unless she's the one doing it," Gawain said in a stage whisper. More quietly, he added. "What would you say to finding somewhere more...permissible?"

"I doubt I would be saying very much at all, if we found such a place," Codi replied with a grin. "Shall we?"

"Indeed, we shall."

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"Codi, I'm leaving tomorrow morning."

Codi looked up from Number Seven, Vonora's youngest child, who she was putting to sleep. "Leaving? Where?"

"West," Gawain replied, looking extremely unhappy. "The Irish are raiding villages along the coast."

"Oh," Codi said softly, and led him outside so they wouldn't wake the baby. In the months that she had been there, she had almost forgotten that her knights were—well, knights. Their job was more than just patrolling the Wall and helping villagers catch thieves and bandits. "How—how long will you be away?"

"Who can say?" Gawain sighed. "Maybe three weeks, maybe a month. Maybe two months, even."

Codi shifted uncomfortably and rocked Number Seven. "Are they dangerous, these Irish?"

"No more so than any I've fought," Gawain shrugged.

"But there's a chance that you could—could--"

"Aye," Gawain said quietly. "There is always a chance. But I have survived ten years of fighting men like them. I think I'll survive another couple of months."

For a moment, there was silence and then they both spoke at once.

"Gawain--"

"Codi--"

Codi gave a shaky laugh. "You go first."

"Codi..." Gawain looked down. "You know I will do my best to come back, regardless. But—I would feel better riding off tomorrow with nothing left unsaid."

"Gawain..."

"No." Gawain put a gentle finger on her lips. "Please, just...just listen. I love you, Codi. I think I loved you from the first time I held you in my arms—although I'm sure you don't remember. You were unconscious, after all."

"I thought I remembered being on a horse," Codi muttered.

"You were so small—so helpless, even though I could tell you were solid muscle." Gawain smiled softly. "I promised myself that I would protect you always. And I will, if you'll have me. Please, Codi... I want to know when I go into battle that I have something to look forward to—someone to come home to. I want you to marry me."

"Gawain--" Codi swallowed. "I...I don't know if I--"

"Codi, I would do anything—everything—to make you happy," Gawain said earnestly, holding her hands tightly in his. "I just know I would be a good husband—and a good father. I promise. Codi, look at me."

Codi looked up into his eyes for the first time and saw that he was afraid, regardless of what he had said. She felt a rush of warmth for her knight—her knight, who wanted to marry her. How could she let him down now, when he needed her? She couldn't let him go into battle with such an enormous rejection on his chest.

Gawain cupped her face gently. "Please...it would make me that happiest man alive."

Codi leaned into his touch. "On one condition: you have to promise to come back safely. If you die, I shan't marry you."

Gawain, who had begun to look alarmed, let out a sigh of relief and smiled crookedly. "That sounds reasonable. I promise."

He pulled her into a tight embrace which Codi returned, burying her face in his shoulder. She didn't want him to leave. Promises would mean little to a man bent on killing him. She thought of the company returning with one riderless horse and shivered.

That night, sleep eluded Codi. But she couldn't decide if it was worry for Gawain...or if it was the little voice in the back of her mind that kept whispering, what have I done?