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Disclaimer: I do not own Spencer or Ashley, or any of the other characters that might or might not come into play here. They are all owned by the creator of South Of Nowhere, whose name escapes me.

It's Where You're Going

Chapter 2

By Persephone's Nautical Nun

I'm always embarrassed when I bring Ashley up to my room. It's so small, and common compared to her almost loft-like room, with the graffiti painted wall, and awesome drum set. Mine doesn't have anything cool. That's why I'm embarrassed.

After dropping my bag on the floor, I move over to my window and look outside. I can almost see Ashley standing in the exact spot she stood when we ditched school and went to the beach. I'll never forget that day.

Oh, God, it started out horribly. I brought up the subject of my confusion, that I think I might like girls, and then she ran off with some boys. Hanging out with them, flirting with them. Here I am, confused out of my mind, trying to tell her indirectly that I'm in love with her...

Holy shit. Did I just admit that?

I hear the bed move behind me, and I turn around to find Ashley sitting on it, her knees under her butt, looking at me, and waiting. Just waiting. There was no look of boredom, no look of eagerness, or anxiety, she was just waiting. Letting me take my time.

I go and join her on my bed, but I don't meet her eyes. I look everywhere but at her. Suddenly my bed sheets seem really interesting as I play with the corner of them.

The thing is, I can't look at Ashley. Not in this close proximity. I was safe in the car, because I couldn't do anything. I'm not safe here, because I know that if I look at her, if I fall into her eyes, I'll want to kiss her. And I don't want to do that. Not this way. I want everything to be out in the open. I want to be sure about my feelings for her. Or at least, I want to know exactly how she feels about me.

There's a warm, tingly feeling under my chin as her fingers guide my face up to look at her. Her eyes are wide, but knowing. Why won't she say something?

She doesn't move her hand away from my chin as she speaks. I am becoming very aware of the texture of her fingers. And I'm starting to think that maybe I don't want them moved after all. "Spencer, why won't you look at me?"

Why does she always ask the hard questions? I could have answered, "Why did you run out like that?" but this... This was too much. But, she's Ashley. I know I have to try to answer this question without sounding too dumb.

"It's just that... well, when I'm around you... I..." I stumble for an answer.

She puts a finger to my lips to silence me. Thank God, I don't have to talk anymore.

"It's okay, Spence. I get it."

She said it with pain in her voice. I didn't think she got it at all. "No, Ash, I don't mean anything bad..."

"No, look, it's cool. When you're around me, you feel awkward because of what might have happened. It's cool, I understand."

Now it was my turn to be hurt. Didn't she know me well enough by now to know that I wouldn't feel awkward over that? Didn't she know me well enough to know that I wouldn't turn my back on her because of something like that?

"No, Ash, that's not it. I..."

"Then what is it, Spence? If I'm wrong, then set me straight. Just tell me already."

I sighed and took her hand in mine, gently brushing the back of her palm with my thumb. I looked at our hands for a few seconds, she had started doing the same to mine. Then I looked up at her and dove in. "I can't look at you, Ash, because if I look at you, if I see you for all that you are... I'm going to want to kiss you."

"Jesus Christ, Spencer, why is that so scary?"

There are so many answers to that question, but I know that's not what she's really asking. She's challenging me, if anything. She wants to know if I have the guts to go through with it. Why she wants to know that is beyond me. Maybe she feels something for me. Maybe she's trying to figure out who she's dealing with. I don't know. But, I know that no one backs down from a challenge from Ashley Davies, least of all me.

I leaned closer to her, and I immediately felt her fingers on my cheek again, guiding me to her mouth. After that simple move, it was like I didn't have to do any work. She did the rest. I just closed my eyes and focused on the feeling of her hand against my cheek, her breath in mine, and finally... her lips against mine.

It didn't last long, a few seconds at best. When she pulled away, I tried to lean in again. Her lips were so warm and soft, that I just wanted to stay there. But she put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me away.

"Careful, Spence. Wouldn't want Mommy Dearest to come and catch us, now would we?"

It suddenly became very clear to me why she chose my house instead of hers to have this conversation. She didn't want me doing anything I wasn't ready for, which I probably would have under different circumstances.

We laid on my bed listening to music and holding hands the rest of the afternoon. One thing that still bothered me, though... I still didn't know exactly how she felt about me.