M: I don't think anyone who reads fanfictions at all has any right to speak of immaturity, really. Fanfics are simply fun, not serious works of literature. If you want something more mature, go read Milton or Thoreau or someone equally stuffy.
with that said...
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Codi threw up after that first battle—and after the second, as well. But, after the third, she retained the contents of her stomach. Her twenty-first birthday passed and, with it, the last vestiges of the girl she had once been. Gone was the shy, meek maid only just learning to stand up for herself—in her place stood a strong, self confident young woman. Codi's mother visited for her birthday and was well pleased with the results of Codi's stay. She asked Codi if it was time for her to return and did not push when Codi replied negatively.
Morgaine and Codi spent several days catching up. Codi told her about the dream she had the night before her first battle and the dreams and feelings of longing and emptiness that had plagued her since then. Morgaine simply nodded and smiled mysteriously, much to her daughter's frustration.
When Codi fell ill a week later, everyone but Merlin and Morgaine were concerned, and none more so than Codi. She moaned and wailed through her fever, muttering feverishly of emptiness and an intense need—but of what, she didn't know.
"Mother," she gasped. "Mother—I'm empty—so empty. Lonely I need to go--"
"Not quite yet, my lass," Morgaine said soothingly. "Soon, I promise—but not yet. You wouldn't make it three feet beyond the door."
"Need—need something—what is it? What—what--?"
Codi's fever broke, but the longing inside her did not. Unable to wait any longer, she threw back the bedclothes and crept through the slumbering village to the forest beyond. Barefoot, she made no sound. Codi all but ran through the forest until she came to a small clearing illuminated by the light of the moon. There she stopped, knowing that she had reached her destination.
A chill ran up Codi's spine as a wolf howled in the distance. In it she heard the echo of her own longing and loneliness. Codi closed her eyes as the pain flared up anew. Closing her eyes, she fell to her knees and gasped for breath. The wolf cried out once more, closer this time—more urgent. Codi looked up to see a large silver form burst from the wood and hurl itself straight at her.
Codi cried out as the wolf tackled her and knocked her onto her back. The twisting pain in her spirit was gone. She was so overcome with relief that she almost didn't notice the large, rough tongue that had made its acquaintance with her face. Once the shock passed, Codi laughed and wrapped her arms around the wolf's neck, glorying in the sense of fulfillment. She was no longer empty—this was what she had longed for. This was what she had needed.
After a few minutes, Codi and the wolf disentangled themselves and simply looked into each other's eyes. She knew his thoughts—not in words, but she could feel them as she did her own. She knew that he could sense her thoughts and feelings just as easily. This revelation renewed their joy, resulting in a playful wrestling match. Codi spent the rest of the night running through the forest and romping with her newfound companion.
As dawn approached, Codi decided reluctantly that she should probably return to the village. Her mother must be worried sick. As they made their way toward the village, Codi could sense the wolf's apprehension. She reassured him as best she could—she didn't know what his reception would be like, herself—and they continued on together.
A harsh caw startled her from her communion the wolf. Codi looked up to see her mother's raven regarding her with bright eyes from a low branch. She grinned up at the bird, happy that she now knew the mystery behind him and Tristan's hawk and that she was now a part of it. The wolf's ears perked up as he greeted the raven with a cheerful wag of his tail. The raven cackled and led the way back to the village.
Morgaine and Merlin were waiting for her with the entire village gathered behind them. Codi slowed and this time it was the wolf who reassured her and nudged her forward. Morgaine beamed and embraced her daughter, then knelt and looked solemnly into the wolf's eyes.
"You are welcome here," she told him. "We are honored by your presence, and your bond with my daughter."
Codi's contentment and pride thrummed through her twofold, reverberating in the link between her and the wolf. Morgaine took her hands and led her to the fire, where a figure knelt with his back toward her, mixing something in a bowl. Codi's breath caught in her throat. It couldn't be...
Tristan turned around and Codi could see the smile that spread across his face. He caught her, laughing, as she threw herself into his arms with more abandon than she had thought possible. She hadn't realized till just now just how much she had missed her friend. Codi stepped back, still grinning, and looked him over as he did the same. He had a new scar along his jaw, but he was still Tristan.
"You've changed," he said simply.
"You haven't," she returned. "What are you doing here?"
"Your mother sent word that you had fallen ill," Tristan explained. "I arrived barely an hour after you left."
"You came simply because I was ill?" Codi asked sceptically.
"More because I knew why you were ill," Tristan told her. "I wanted to be here for your Marking—and to bring you back with me."
Codi opened her mouth to protest, then closed it. It was time to go back. "What do you mean, my 'Marking'?"
In answer, Tristan pointed to the talon tattoos on his cheek bones and the bowl at his feet—ink, Codi realized. Merlin came and motioned for her to kneel before the fire. Codi did so, threading her fingers through the wolf's fur, and waited. Merlin sat cross-legged before her and took a needle. Morgaine stood behind her and placed her hands on Codi's head.
"By the power of the White Lady, the Triple Goddess—the Maiden, the Mother, the Crone—I welcome you, my daughter, to her service. We now count you among her most blessed."
Codi was at first surprised, then smiled at the wolf. She was indeed blessed. And if it was the White Lady of the Moon who had so blessed her, then Codi would honor her for it.
"Do you accept this wolf, her gift?"
"I do."
"And do you offer your loyalty and service in return?"
Only fleeting hesitation. "Aye."
"Then let her be Marked."
It didn't take long—not nearly as long as her first tattoo had. When Merlin was done, two fang shapes curved down from just below the corners of her eyes, framing her face. It smarted, but Codi was more content than she had ever been. Morgaine pulled Codi to her feet and embraced her, as did Merlin and Tristan.
"Come," Merlin said. "There is more to be said, but in private."
He led the way to his tent, where the four of them sat comfortably. Tristan's hawk rested on his shoulder and Morgaine's raven on her knee. The wolf settled himself beside her with his head resting on her knee.
"This is Ashai," Tristan said without preamble, indicating the hawk.
"And this Tau," Morgaine added. The raven fluffed his feathers importantly. "We would know the wolf's name."
Codi was about to protest that she didn't know his name, but simply stated, "Shasa." The wolf thumped his tail, grinning smugly.
Merlin nodded. "Never tell anyone else his name, for names hold more power than you might think. If ever you need Tristan or your mother, you need only speak Ashai or Tau's name and they will be notified. This method of communication is to be used only in extremity."
"We won't know anything but that you are calling," Tristan explained. "So we will assume that you are in dire need."
"If you just want to chat, find another way of getting the message across," Morgaine added dryly. "Or, if you have need of something specifically, you could send Shasa with a message that Tau can then convey to me. Only use the name trick if there is no alternative."
Codi nodded solemnly, then thought of something. Frowning, she asked Merlin, "Where is your familiar?"
Merlin smiled. "I have no one familiar...I share a bond with all the animals and have recourse to all the gifts."
"What gifts?" Codi asked in confusion.
"I Heal, I See, and I Change," Merlin said calmly.
"I Heal, and I Change," Morgaine told her.
"I am but a lowly Healer," Tristan said ruefully, "but it is enough, I think."
"What do you mean, Change?" Codi asked suspiciously, and then felt her jaw drop. She closed her eyes tightly and then opened them again. She hadn't been seeing things. There were now two ravens where her mother had been and a grizzled old wolf in Merlin's place.
"Holy shit," Codi muttered, and was glad Merlin couldn't understand what she said. He was very strict about such things.
"Language, miss," her mother said sternly, clearly human once more. So was Merlin.
"How—how--?"
"The Lady is generous with her gifts," Merlin said softly. "You could have any and all of these powers."
"How will I know?" Codi asked eagerly, gripping Shasa's fur tightly. The silvery wolf didn't seem to mind.
"I am fairly certain you have the Sight in some capacity," Merlin said, regarding her thoughtfully. "Your dreams are an indication of that. Healing is a possibility, although I don't think so...you don't have a Healer's touch. As for the Change...only time will tell."
Codi expelled a gust of air. It was rather a lot to take in. "So...what happens now?"
"You come back with me," Tristan told her firmly. "Past time you were home again, my lass. We've missed you."
"This is my home," Codi retorted.
"A home is wherever you make one," Tristan shrugged.
"You will go," Merlin said in a tone that brooked no argument. "You have a task to fulfill."
"And what is that?" Codi asked warily.
"Very simple," Merlin said. "Protect Arturius and fight by his side."
Codi leaped to her feet. "I will not fight for Rome," she said hotly. "Never."
"You will do as I bid you."
"But—Merlin, I would be fighting you—fighting my own people..."
"You will not be fighting me or our people if I can help it," Merlin told her. "But you will fight for Arthur—not for Rome, but for the man who will one day rule us."
Codi gaped at him. "What?"
"One day Arthur will save our land and, in doing so, unite it." Merlin regarded her intently. "This is your task. Protect him—he will see to the rest himself. Do you accept your task?"
"Aye," Codi sighed after a moment. "For Arthur. Never for Rome."
"Then we'd best be off," Tristan said, rising.
"We're leaving now?" Codi cried. "But—Guinevere--"
"Go gather your things," Morgaine said gently. "I will send her to you."
Guinevere came, as promised. She stood in the doorway as I swung a pack over my shoulder. She looked decidedly unhappy, leaning against the door frame with arms crossed and mouth pinched.
"You're leaving," Guinevere stated.
"Aye," Codi replied softly. "Tis time for me to return. Merlin has ordered it."
Guinevere's mouth hooked downward. "I've never had a friend like you—we're kinspirits, Codi, as well as cousins."
"I know," Codi sighed. "It seems like I was here for a decade and yet only a day all at once."
"Will you come back?"
Codi didn't answer right away. "I don't know. If there is any possible way, rest assured I will come." she smiled crookedly. "You won't be rid of me that easily."
"I don't want you to go," Guinevere said tightly.
"I have to," Codi said gently, and took off the necklace of woven leather and beads she had taken to wearing. "Here—take this until we meet again. Keep it safe for me."
Guinevere took the necklace and grinned at her cousin. "You read my mind—I brought this for you." She dropped into Codi's hand a bracelet much like the necklace Codi had given her and hugged Codi tightly. "Our paths will cross again one day, cousin, but until then, I'll miss you terribly."
"I'll miss you, too," Codi murmured. "When we see each other again, I'll have plenty of stories about Arthur and his men to tell you."
"I look forward to it," Guinevere whispered, and walked away.
Codi sighed and went to meet her mother, who was standing with a very peeved looking Tristan. When Morgaine saw her daughter, she smiled and touched her arm.
"There's one more thing that needs to be done," Morgaine said, ignoring Tristan's dour expression. "Tristan will return to my cottage and take care of the animals until we return."
"Return from where?" Codi asked, taken aback. "Where are we going?"
"I will explain when we get there," Morgaine assured her. "It's not far."
"Not far" turned out to be another three days' walk north into the hills. When they finally reached their destination—a quiet, secluded lake—Morgaine sat down on a nearby rock and motioned for Codi to do the same. Codi sat in front of Morgaine and leaned against Shasa comfortably.
She raised her eyebrows questioningly. "So are you going to tell me what all this is about, or will we just admire the scenery?"
Morgaine leaned forward and looked at Codi solemnly. "Codi, you know you probably would have died if you had given birth, don't you?"
"Yes," Codi replied, not sure where this was going. She looked at her mother suspiciously. "You don't think--"
"No, no." Morgaine waved a hand dismissively. "I know you're not pregnant. But childbirth is a very, very real threat. Even if you weren't thin, it would be very dangerous for you to have a child. There are no modern medicines, no modern technology, not even a modern concept of hygiene. Conception would be nothing short of a death sentence."
"Mother, I hardly think I'm in danger of getting pregnant," Codi protested. "Ever. Do you honestly think I could ever—ever--"
"Yes," Morgaine said bluntly. "Yes, I think you can and will, at some point. And so steps must be taken to protect you."
"What kind of steps?" Codi asked curiously. "The pill won't be on the markets for—what, another fifteen centuries or so?"
"There is a ritual," Morgaine said, very seriously, "to take away your ability to bear children. The gift of childbearing was given to women by the Lady—the Mother. If need be, she can also take it away."
A few weeks—even a few days ago, Codi would have merely smiled and rolled her eyes, but wasn't Shasa living proof of the gods' existence—and power? Codi shuddered as she recalled in perfect detail the moment she knew she was pregnant. She hadn't needed Tristan to tell her—she had known, and it had scared her senseless. Morgaine was right—pregnancy would almost certainly result in death, if she were to conceive again.
"Alright," Codi said. "What do we need to do?"
"We wait," Morgaine said. "The others will come when all is prepared."
And so they waited. And waited. And waited some more until a shadowy figure approached from the darkness of the trees a bit before midnight. Morgaine shook her daughter awake and led the sleepy young woman into the forest, where the shadowy figure drew back her hood.
"This is Nimue," Morgaine said, indicating the icily blond woman. "She will oversee the ritual."
"Come," Nimue said, taking her hand. She led Codi to a clearing where a small fire shed a little light on a pot of ink and bundles of herbs. Codi could see other women, hooded and cloaked, standing in a circle around the perimeter of the clearing. "Take off your clothes and lie on those herbs, there."
Codi raised her eyebrows, but didn't argue. She lay down on the soft bed of herbs and tried to push back the apprehension that seemed to be crawling under her skin. Her mother squeezed her hand reassuringly before turning to take her place in the circle of women. Nimue began by throwing some herbs on the fire and chanting in a strange language. The circle answered as a single entity. Codi shivered.
Nimue then sprinkled the same herbs over Codi's body and waved a burning bundle of leaves over her nose. Codi sneezed and noticed herself becoming—not sleepy, exactly, but passive. She watched with a sort of detached interest as Nimue circled and chanted and sprinkled more herbs here and there. The women circled and chanted with her, calling out answers in that same, strange language. Codi closed her eyes.
With a start, Codi suddenly realized that Nimue was pricking her with a needle—another tattoo, she thought woozily. Dad would flip. That's kind of a strange place for a tattoo, though, isn't it? Oh, wait, one of the Evils has a tattoo around her belly button. Ew, I don't want to be like her. This train of thought was interrupted as Nimue set a bowl of funny smelling liquid to her mouth. Obediently, Codi drank.
Almost immediately, her stomach began to hurt. It was a subtle sort of pain, at first—just enough to make her uncomfortable. Codi squirmed and muttered as the churning, twisting feeling grew and cried out as a sudden burst of pain wracked her insides. Nimue raised her arms and shouted something to the heavens, then knelt to hold Codi down. The circle set up a steady chant and stamped and clapped as Nimue continued shouting. Codi cried out again, in fear as well as pain. Her breath hissed through teeth clenched tightly against the pain.
The shouting and chanting was getting louder—or was it only the wind howling in her ears? Her stomach was being ripped apart—she would be torn in half—Codi moaned and felt the salty tang of blood as she bit her lip.
"Mother!" she gasped. "Mother, help me—I'm dying—ah, gods—Mother!"
Codi screamed as blood gushed from between her legs. There was a thunderous shout from the women around her and, as suddenly as it had come, the wind died. The pain died with it. Nimue released her and Codi lay still, panting. Morgaine was now beside her, holding her hand and pushing back her sweat-soaked hair.
"Is it over?" Codi croaked.
"Yes," Morgaine murmured. "I'm sorry, sweetie, but it had to be done."
"If that's what childbirth is like, then I'm glad we did it," Codi said weakly. "I'll take cramps over that any day."
"Silly, you won't have cramps any more either—you have your period so you can have babies. You won't have your period anymore," Morgaine told her, laughing.
Codi's eyes snapped open. "You're kidding."
"No."
"Well—shit, why didn't you tell me that before?" Codi demanded.
"Language," her mother said primly.