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justlikeyou: Yes, you were dedicated. That's how much I love you.
Author's Note
First off, I'd like to apologize ahead of time for this chapter. Please believe me when I say it was necessary. I have to push the girls to their breaking point. Now, would also be a good time to say that this fic will be coming to a close in the next few chapters. Don't worry, I've already got an idea for a sequel, so there will be more Spencer and Ashley goodness coming from me in the future. Also, for that story, I am in need of a beta reader. So, yeah, anyone who's interested, just tell me. To anyone who says that the following is unrealistic, and that these circumstances can't bring two people together, my response to you is... bullshit. That's my only answer to you. On a side note, I will be leaving on Tuesday, and will not be back until the following Monday. I will have some internet access, but I can't say how much writing I'll be able to get accomplished. With all that said, on with the story.
This chapter is dedicated to the memory of Sarah. I never stopped loving you.
It's Where You're Going
Chapter 6
By Persephone's Nautical Nun
The halls were buzzing, as usual. And, as usual, I was walking down the buzzing halls next to Ashley. But, what wasn't usual, was the fact that we were now holding hands. It doesn't seem like much. Girls hold each other's hands all the time. It doesn't mean anything. But, to me, it does.
I was embarrassed about the way I acted in her room. It's just that I'm so afraid of losing her. Even though I don't really have her. It's just that I'm afraid that something better is going to come in her life, and she's going to be swept away from me. Swept away on the passing wind. And I'll be left alone.
I thought maybe if I could give myself to her, she'd stay. She wouldn't get bored. Maybe she wouldn't get tired of waiting around for me to figure everything out. I still should have known her better than that. Even before she explained, I should have known better.
It's in the middle of the day, so it's not like we're heading anywhere special. Just our separate classes. It just so happens that our classes are in the same direction. Nothing special, right?
We had a few moments to spare. It was a big campus, so we had longer breaks between classes. There were things that I wanted to talk about. But, lately, there have always been things that I want to talk about. It's like no matter how much talking we do, I never say what I mean, and there's always misunderstandings.
I was confused. Why would she want me at her house after she confessed that she wanted to be with me, if sleeping with me wasn't on her list of things to do? As much as I care about her, I just don't understand Ashley. Then again, I don't understand myself, so it's pretty much expected that I wouldn't understand another human being.
Like I said, we had a few moments to spare, so I took her over to the side of the hallway, leaving room for other people to go by and not pay any attention to us.
She had a stray strand of hair in front of her eyes, and I pushed it behind her ear for her. Just a simple gesture. No big deal. I didn't notice the girls across the hall watching us.
Ashley looked nervous. That should have been a red flag. Ashley's never nervous. "What's wrong, Spence? Can it wait?"
It probably could have waited, but it didn't feel that way at the time. It felt like if I didn't say it now, I never would. "Ash, why won't you let me be with you?"
Ashley started to shift her weight around, and her eyes started to get shifty. "Look, Spence, not now, okay?"
"Why not? Why not now?" I was getting a little flustered by this time. I was ready to talk. I was ready to tell her that I knew that I wanted her. Why was she making this so hard?
"Just... Not. Now."
I was starting to get really mad, you know? She was so keen to tell me how she wanted to be with me in the privacy of an abandoned playground, but now that we're back in reality, she's pushing everything aside.
"Ashley, I want to be with you. I know that. I want to be with you more than anything else, and I just... want you to let me. I know my feelings for you aren't just friendship. If we both want to be with each other, why can't we?"
Ashley closed her eyes, and looked down. "Spencer... not... now... please."
I had had enough. Once again, I was getting nowhere. So I stormed off. What else could I do? If I stayed in front of her, I knew that I would try to prove my point in a more physical manner. So, i walked off to cool my head. Think things over. Think of a better way to tell her how much I wanted to hold her.
I was so distracted by these thoughts that I didn't notice the group of girls start moving the same time I did. The only thing I did notice, was Ashley calling out my name. I thought about ignoring her, but she sounded so scared. I couldn't turn myself away from a scared Ashley.
I turned around. I saw Ashley in the background, still screaming my name. Then I saw the hand flying towards me.
Then my world went black.