EPISODE THREE: Extra, extra! Read all about it! Chatroom during lunch! Poll attached.
DISCLAIMER: Oh, Harry! Marry me!
As soon as McGonagall let them go, the seventh years headed straight to the Great Hall for lunch. Behind Harry, he could hear Hermione, Parvati and Lavender gossiping with Pansy and the other Slytherin girls about- who else? Professor Scott!
"…and then," Pansy was narrating animatedly, "as we rounded the corner where the broom closet was, we heard these funny noises. They were like moans and groans from a shagging couple!" The Gryffindor girls gasped loudly.
"Well," said Lavender haughtily, "I always thought she was a good for nothing flirt!"
"Lavender," said Hermione warningly, as she was the Gryffindor Head Girl. "Language, please."
Harry whirled around and decided to voice out his thoughts. "You know what? I reckon we should all stop discussing about our Professor. After all, she already got what she deserved. What else could go worse for her?" he said gently.
"Her baby looking like a carbon copy of Crabbe or Goyle?" Ron suggested. Everybody laughed while Crabbe and Goyle pondered "What's a carbon copy?"
They parted ways and settled on their respective tables when they reached the Great Hall (well, except Draco and Luna, who had taken to sitting with their girlfriend/boyfriend).
"Hello," said Ginny as Draco gave her a quick peck on the lips and sat beside her. "How're lessons?"
"Fine," said Draco. "And yours?"
"Pretty good, too," answered Ginny lovingly.
"Hey, Ron, Draco, why don't you tell your girlfriends about the chatroom-in-a-parchment?" suggested Harry.
"What's this?" Luna asked Ron, but decided against it when she saw that his mouth was overloaded with mashed potatoes. "Er, never mind."
"We won't have to, Harry," said Draco, staring pointedly at Parvati and Lavender who were scribbling on an incredibly long parchment.
And sure enough, another chatroom was circulated throughout the Gryffindor table! Here goes:
CHATROOM 666
MODERATOR: 'THE GOSSIPERS' GUILD
MEMBERS: PARVATI, LAVENDER
>gossipersguild
Message: Yo everyone! Who would like to join our guild? As of now there're only two members!
Footnote: WE ARE THE GOSSIPERS. WE LIVE TO ANNOY.
>sadisticflirt
Message: Parvati here! What do you say, guys? Join our guild!
Footnote: I CAUGHT BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!
>brownishlavender
Message: Lavender here! Everyone look over at the other tables! They're having their own chatroom too! And they look happy… Will someone please liven up this interaction?
Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!
>imaballerina246
Message: Hermione's online! Anyone who would want to join us, just log in and introduce yourselves!
Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
>harrythehippogriff
Message: Hello, everyone (waves)! Harry here! Whew! For a sec, I thought this chatroom would just be all about Professor Scott…
Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.
>dracosgurl
Message: So, this is the famous 'chatroom' everyone's talking about… Ginny here… I would've thought that would be obvious. I mean, look at my nick!
Footnote: HOT AND SEXY. THAT'S ME, NOT DRACO.
>Chavo
Message: Suddenly, I'm the footnotes' victim… Draco Malfoy- hot and sexy- online…
Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…
>isupportsnorkacks
Message: Hi, I'm Luna… Mind if I join in?
Footnote: I SUPPORT SNORKACKS COZ THEY'RE CUTE.
>giantsquid
Message: I'm Dennis Creevey! This is so cool!
Footnote: GIGANTICUS SQUIDUS ON THE LAKESUS.
>cameraboy
Message: And 'tis Colin here! Do I have to write down my autobiography?
Footnote: I MAKE THE PAPARAZZI INFERIOR.
>giantsquid
Message: Anyways, did you know about the rumor about Professor Scott snogging with Dumbledore every Tuesdays?
Footnote: GIGANTICUS SQUIDUS ON THE LAKESUS.
>imaballerina246
Message: She WHAT!
Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
>harrythehippogriff
Message: And I thought this was a Scott-free chatroom…
Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.
>gossipersguild
Message: Of course we knew! That was so like, a long time ago! Duh…
Footnote: WE ARE THE GOSSIPERS. WE LIVE TO ANNOY.
>giantsquid
Message: Yeah, well, I feel guilty. It was us, fourth years, who started this rumor! Just because Professor Scott gave us an assignment for five rolls of parchment…
Footnote: GIGANTICUS SQUIDUS ON THE LAKESUS.
>harrythehippogriff
Message: She WHAT!
Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.
>Chavo
Message: She didn't!
Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…
>imaballerina246
Message: What is so wrong with that?
Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
>Nevilleshortbottom
Message: B-b-b-b-but, that's TORTURE, that is!
Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.
>cleansweep2005
Message: Seamus here. Someone should start a hate guild…
Footnote: YEEHAWW!
>fulhamfootballfanatic
Message: Dean here. Seamus is right. Someone please start a hate guild against her…
Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"
>imaballerina246
Message: Wait! I don't understand! What homework did she give you anyway, Dennis?
Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
>giantsquid
Message: She made us list, in five long rolls of parchment, names of handsome bachelors we know and their addresses! Just so she can shag…
Footnote: GIGANTICUS SQUIDUS ON THE LAKESUS.
>isupportsnorkacks
Message: (gasp!) She WHAT!
Footnote: I SUPPORT SNORKACKS COZ THEY'RE CUTE.
>imaballerina246
Message: You know what? Seamus is right… Someone should start a hate guild around here…
Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
>harrythehippogriff
Message: Huh? Alright, imaballerina246! Where's the real Hermione? What have you done to my girlfriend!
Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.
>imaballerina246
Message: Ugh… I wanna kick someone's balls…
Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
>Pukinpastilles
Message: You know what? I reckon we should start a poll around here! Liven up this chatroom…
Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.
>dracosgurl
Message: Yo, big bro! That's it! Since we're all arguing about Scott here, and this chatroom needs a little decoration, why don't we start a poll?
Footnote: HOT AND SEXY. THAT'S ME, NOT DRACO.
>isupportsnorkacks
Message: Aw, Ronald. You're a born genius.
Footnote: I SUPPORT SNORKACKS COZ THEY'RE CUTE.
>sadisticflirt
Message: Okay, so since we're the mods, we'll start it. Ahem… What is the best punishment for a FLIRT, WHORE AND BITCH? Read: Prof. Scott. Lavi, you give the choices.
Footnote: I CAUGHT BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS.
>brownishlavender
Message: (A) Drag her naked to Azkaban. (B) Soak her head in carbonized stinksap. (C) Let Snape French kiss her for one whole hour non stop. (D) All of the above.
Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS.
>harrythehippogriff
Message: But the choices are all barbaric! Can I add a letter E?
Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.
>brownishlavender
Message: Which is?
Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS.
>imaballerina246
Message: (E) Toss her to the lake and let the giant squid shag her crazy.
Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
>harrythehippogriff
Message: That's not what I was about to suggest, Mione…
Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.
>imaballerina246
Message: Get real, Harry, nobody in this table likes her.
Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
>harrythehippogriff
Message: But Mione…
Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.
>imaballerina246
Message: DO YOU DARE DEFY ME, HARRY JAMES POTTER! BECAUSE IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO, I SWEAR I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN!
Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
>harrythehippogriff
Message: Uh, (sweating profusely; adjusting collar nervously) n-n-n-no, M-m-mione... Actually, that was just perfect and far better than what I have thought of.
Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.
>Chavo
Message: Mione should try applying for the military…
Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…
>dracosgurl
Message: They sure need a new commando there…
Footnote: HOT AND SEXY. THAT'S ME, NOT DRACO.
>Pukinpastilles
Message: The military officers will be impressed. She could pass the test with flying colors…
Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.
>imaballerina246
Message: Some friends. Backstabbers.
Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
>fulhamfootballfanatic
Message: On with the poll!
Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"
>fulhamfootballfanatic
Message: Oh, wait, I forgot to vote. I'm all arms to letter A: Drag her naked to Azkaban. Hey, you can't deny that she's hot and sexy! Seeing her struggling while naked… Man, I'm already having a hard-on. I'm heading to the loo.
Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"
>Nevilleshortbottom
Message: Letter B: Soak her head in carbonized stinksap is kinda good. I know the feeling. Don't ask why. It damn bloody hurts!
Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.
>Pukinpastilles
Message: Hmm, what would Fred and George vote? I bet they'd make their own choice- probably (A) Lock her in a room with Umbridge, Lucius Malfoy and Crumpled-horn snorkacks for company. There, that'd drive her nuts. But, I would vote for (A), same with Dean. With a killer body like hers, that incident's gonna make it to the Prophet headline, that will.
Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.
>cameraboy
Message: And leave the picture-taking to me. I assure you I'll catch her in many (million, to be exact) erotic positions.
Footnote: I MAKE THE PAPARAZZI INFERIOR.
>isupportsnorkacks
Message: Why do you all have to be so horny? And Ron, if she's locked up with snorkacks, then she won't be bored. I find them quite amusing. I vote for letter E: Let the giant squid shag her. At least she's happy with that punishment.
Footnote: I SUPPORT SNORKACKS COZ THEY'RE CUTE.
>harrythehippogriff
Message: Does the giant squid even have a penis?
Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.
>Cleansweep2005
Message: No. But it's got big, fat, long tentacles. Choice letter A's kinda cool, though. I really hope that'd happen. What're you rooting for, Harry?
Footnote: YEEHAWW!
>harrythehippogriff
Message: Well, not letter (A), coz commando might kill me. I vote for (C). Though sometimes I wonder… Is Snape gay?
Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.
>giantsquid
Message: You mean you didn't know? That rumor circulated like- uh- six years ago! Hellooo! He's gay! Aren't you wondering why he keeps staring at you and picking on Ron and cozying up to Draco? Duh…
Footnote: GIGANTICUS SQUIDUS ON THE LAKESUS.
>harrythehippogriff
Message: He WHAT! S-s-s-staring at me! One time, he even slapped my bum hard, saying he did that to enlighten me to study my potions harder!
Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.
>Chavo
Message: He's GAY! What the heck!
Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…
>dracosgurl
Message: That bastard! He's worse than Scott! Draco! How true is this!
Footnote: HOT AND SEXY. THAT'S ME, NOT DRACO.
>Chavo
Message: Hundred percent!
Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…
>imaballerina246
Message: And he's snuggling up to my kitty? My kitty? MY KITTY! MY KITTY!
Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
>harrythehippogriff
Message: Your kitty? Your kitty? YOUR KITTY! YOUR KITTY!
Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.
>imaballerina246
Message: Got a problem with that?
Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
>harrythehippogriff
Message: Oh, no. I was merely repeating the question (mumble mumble).
Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.
>isupportsnorkacks
Message: Oh, well… At least he's only picking on my guy.
Footnote: I SUPPORT SNORKACKS COZ THEY'RE CUTE.
>Pukinpastilles
Message: But Luna dear!
Footnote: SUP LADIES, I CAN MAKE YOU DROOL.
>gossipersguild
Message: No, you idiots! He's not gay, he's straight! That rumor was only proven as only a rumor like- uh- six years ago, too! Ugh, honestly! You read the Prophet to gain knowledge about what's happening in the wizarding world, when you don't even give a damn about what's happening here at our school!
Footnote: WE ARE THE GOSSIPERS. WE LIVE TO ANNOY.
>cameraboy
Message: How sure are you in saying that he's straight?
Footnote: I MAKE THE PAPARAZZI INFERIOR.
>gossipersguild
Message: Positively sure, especially if you walk in on him and McGonagall snogging each other senseless in the first floor bathroom.
Footnote: WE ARE THE GOSSIPERS. WE LIVE TO ANNOY.
>Chavo
Message: What! (gasp)
Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…
>cleansweep2005
Message: That's true. T'was me, Dean, Parv and Lav who caught them. They threatened to expel us if we chuck a word out, though. So we're threatening to kill all of you if a word of this leaks out.
Footnote: YEEHAWW!
>imaballerina246
Message: Oh… Right.
Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
>fulhamfootballfanatic
Message: Hi, I'm back! How're the polls?
Footnote: "CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT URANUS?"
>dracosgurl
Message: Where've you been?
Footnote: HOT AND SEXY. THAT'S ME, NOT DRACO.
>dracosgurl
Message: OH, NO, WAIT A SEC! DON'T ANSWER! I DON'T WANNA KNOW!
Footnote: HOT AND SEXY. THAT'S ME, NOT DRACO.
>brownishlavender
Message: I'm voting for D: All of the above. It'd serve her right.
Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!
>sadisticflirt
Message: D & E: Oh, the horror of snogging Snape!
Footnote: I CAUGHT BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!
>dracosgurl
Message: I vote for D. Wish it'll all happen at the same time! Exciting!
Footnote: HOT AND SEXY. THAT'S ME, NOT DRACO.
>imaballerina246
Message: I'm settling for D and F.
Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
>Chavo
Message: What's F?
Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY…
>imaballerina246
Message: Offer her body to the trolls and let them satisfy her cravings.
Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
>Chavo
Message: Oohhh… Intriguing. In that case, I'll go for that one, too. And A.
Footnote: I LOVE GINNY WEASLEY.
>cameraboy
Message: A coz it's gonna be cool.
Footnote: I MAKE THE PAPARAZZI INFERIOR.
>giantsquid
Message: D. Hello, that isn't even enough for her to pay me five rolls of parchment back!
Footnote: GIGANTICUS SQUIDUS ON THE LAKESUS.
>Nevilleshortbottom
Message: Whoa, that's the bell. On to COMC!
Footnote: SOME STUPID FOOTNOTE.
>brownishlavender
Message: And so it is. Here're the results of our poll (13 respondents). A: 4 votes; B: 1 vote; C: 1 vote; D: 5 votes; E: 2 votes; F: 2 votes. Well, that's all for now. I'm logging out. Bye!
Footnote: BROWNISH LAVENDER SNOGGING IN THE LOOS!
>harrythehippogriff
Message: Bye, Gin and Luna and everybody else! I love you Mione, no matter what.
Footnote: I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOUR BLOODY ARSE.
>imaballerina246
Message: Aww… I love you, too.
Footnote: I GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO SAY I GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
>dracosgurl
Message: I had fun. Goodbye and see you all next time! Bye! I love Drakie.
Footnote: HOT AND SEXY. THAT'S ME, NOT DRACO.
The bell rang aloud, alerting everyone in the Great Hall that classes for the afternoon session are now to be held. Ginny and Luna bid their guys, Harry and Hermione goodbye before setting off. The Gryffindor seventh years crowded together and left the Great Hall for their next class.
"That was fun," said Lavender casually, referring to the chatroom. "Remember when we used the same technique with Umbridge? Talking about her behind her back…"
"She's so horrible, after all," said Hermione quietly, shaking her head as she swung her messenger bag over her shoulder. Harry clasped her small hand.
"People tend to sin to fulfill their needs," said Harry. "She just wasn't careful, is all."
Draco and Ron joined them. "D'you think Professor Vector will offer her marriage?" asked Draco.
"Of course he will!" said Ron. "I mean, look at Professor Scott! Only a fool would let go of someone like her."
"I suppose…" said Hermione. They found themselves outside Hogwarts, heading towards Hagrid's hut.
"Chill, Hermione," said Harry gently. "After all, what goes around comes around." (wink wink)
(There! Please read and review.)
(Sorry if it contains some green things, but at least it's not graphic. And for the slight Snape and McGonagall… just let me know about your comments.)
(Thanks again for those wonderful reviews! Keep 'em coming! And please don't hate me for not updating for so long…))
(Next chappie: COMC: Care of Magical creatures. Chatroom? Yup, of course there's one. But it's gonna be difficult! Oh, no, no. With Harry Potter, friends and co., difficult is not even a word.)
(I love you all. Do check out my other work, the Goose Girl. It doesn't get many reviews. Thanks in advance!)
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