Eoko: I… don't know what exactly made me do this. I wanted to do something Christmasy… and it's like… Christmas Eve… and like, 11pm by the time this is posted. So, it had to be relatively short. And 'Twas the Night Before Christmas' is rather story-like, so I thought I'd re-write that one...
Zell: She's such a moron. Disclaimer: Eoko doesn't own the FF characters as they belong to Squaresoft, now Square-Enix. She also doesn't own the carol but considering how many remakes there are, it can't be very difficult to get rights to one more. But she doesn't have them so it belongs to whoever wrote it first. She is definitely NOT making any money off this so suing would be pointless and useless.
Warning: This is a YAOI carol. Yay say all the fangirls. It's FF8 yaoi and there's no Squall mentioned, so you do the math. It's late and I have no beta-er but please ENJOY!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Twas the night before Christmas and from west coast to east,
Balamb kids were retiring from their big Christmas feasts.
The stockings were hung on their bedposts with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The students were nestled all snug in their bunks,
While cadets and SeeDs were off getting drunk.
And Selph in her short skirt, and I in my chaps,
Had just settled down as the room filled with claps.
Then off by the bar there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter.
Away to the duo I shot like a gun,
Tore them apart, and said they were done.
The shorter in leather and bangs standing straight,
Glared at the taller whom he really did "hate".
The other just smirked then looked to the stage,
To see eight pretty gals, each in a cage.
The music began playing, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it was time for a strip.
More rabid than jackals, the men they exclaimed,
And they whistled and shouted and called them by name:
"Yeeeeaaaa! Dasher!"
"Oh Dancer!"
"Ah! Prancer and Vixen!"
"Sweet! Comet on Cupid!"
"It's Donder and Blitzen!"
From their shiny, small bras,
To their little G-strings,
Were taken off, tossed aside,
Off they did fling.
As the ladies that shimmied and danced for the men,
Collected their things and withdrew once again,
It suddenly occurred to me both the blond twits,
Looked at the girls but didn't give a shit.
And then, in a twinkling, I realised just why.
They were looking at me with an interested eye!
As I drew my back straight and was turning around,
Strong arms wrapped around me and I was fast bound.
He wore a dark shirt, that clung to his chest,
And his trench was of velvet, if I had to guess.
My arms came between us to push him away,
And I tried to tell him I just wasn't that way.
His eyes--how they twinkled! His smirk, it just grew!
Then a second set of arms, around me they flew!
Zell's little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And he whispered to me, voice seductive and low.
Seifer grinned widely, showing his teeth,
And his arms they too encircled me like a wreath.
He had a broad chest as Zell did behind,
And they both felt so strong and sure of their find.
"He so pretty and cute, don't you think, Seif?"
And I laughed when I heard it, though mostly in strife.
A wink of jade eyes and a dip of his head,
Soon lead me to know I had something to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And thrust his tongue in my mouth- AH! What a jerk!
Zell splayed his fingers, up my torso they moved,
And without even thinking my body approved.
They both pulled away and to each other they grinned,
Then lifted me up and whisked me off like the wind.
And I heard them exclaim, as I was carried from sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"