Bijoux: Um...yeah...this chapter may be a bit longer than the previous one, and may drift away from the Christmas theme slightly...either way...the next chapter will be Christmas day so...yeah...it'll be full of Christmas craze...meh...knowing my luck I won't even finish the last chapter before Christmas...I'm so slow at these things and all..meh...if not this Christmas, expect this too be finished by next Christmas...if not the one after...
I don't own Star Ocean, Christmas, the Grinch...um...that minni cockroach thing which is one the ceiling above me right now...come closer and I'll feed you to my dog...stupid bug...oh, and I also don't own the ice cream in the freezer right now...IT OWNS MEEEEEEEEEE!...please enjoy...sorry for any/all character bashing...Chapter 3: The Worse Get's Worserer
Nel had soon gotten sick of watching everyone cheer over the 'defeat' of Peppita, or as Cliff was calling her 'Pepperoni'.
"DIE PEPPERONI! DIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!" Cliff's roars were heard followed by merciless cheers from other crew members, as Nel exited the bridge, simultaneously rolling her eyes as she went along.
Nonetheless, Nel was happy that 'Pepperoni' had been 'defeated' for the time being. The only problem Nel had was, how repetitive these people could be at times. Cliff had been cheering the same "Die Pepperoni! DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!" for the past 10 minutes, and everyone still cheered and laughed like it was new news…
But no…it was no new news to Nel, and she had no need to remember old news…well…not as long as it was that memory of how Albel gave Magistrate Lasselle that flag pole wedgie last 'New Year' party.
The memory still made her laugh, and in times of great, harsh struggle, it would make everything okay again.
"Ah, if it isn't the Aquarian scum, Zelpher…" a voice hissed closely behind Nel. Nel rolled her eyes, taking a defensive stance, she recognized the voice to be Albel's.
"Nox…" Nel nodded as if to greet him. There was an awkward silence in which Nel turned to face Albel. Albel had bored expression on his face, and looked like this was one of those conversations where you'll talk, but no one would reply, then you realize your friends have ditched you again…(begins to cry)…Why ZOE! WHHHHHYYYYYYY!
Um…anyways…yeah…on with the story…(coughs uncomfortably)…
"So…what brings you to my death hallway…? Maggot…?" Albel scowled at Nel, who raised an eyebrow at the enemy before her.
"Death hallway…? Gee that's creative…though it's even more pathetic than that time that the Queen was having nightmares…
(Flash back)
Lasselle had awoken one morning to find numerous horrid things…
The Queen was sprawled all over his bed, (probably due to having another nightmare in her sleep, in which a giant Big Mac would chase her across the land, before it squashed her, and it kept going down Mt. Barr for some reason…)
She was right on top of him
He couldn't escape
He needed the bathroom
The Queen was snoring like some kind of piggish creature, right in his ear
She appeared to be drooling down his neck
The punk kids from down the road had egged his bedroom window again…
And that was all for now…
"Um…your majesty…?" the Magistrate whimpered as he shuffled a bit underneath the sleeping royal. The sound of his voice only somehow aggravated the Queen in her sleep, and she soon began thrashing about, groaning and hissing in her now enraged, sleep.
"You're majesty!" Lasselle whimpered louder, his voice was cracking slightly, probably indicating his fear right now. This only enraged the Queen further…and Lasselle would now need 'trauma getting over' classes during his free time…the poor man…(coughs)…
(End flash back)
"And another thing…since when was this YOUR hallway!" Nel finished screaming at Albel. He had a look of shock on his face. Nel had never seen him this way…then again…she had never been this angry…meh…either way…
"What the…?" Albel said as he frowned at Nel slightly. Nel looked around the grey hallway nervously, an awkward silence had begun and it was no sooner, time for Nel to make a getaway…
"Um…I'm going…now…" Nel coughed slightly as she maneuvered away from the scene of the crime before her.
Albel was left speechless, and confused as the red haired one disappeared. Her tantrums seemed to be worse than anyone else's he had ever known…and he had worked with Shelby the heavy handed at some stage…that man was like…a tape recorder…stuck on the same line, sticky taped to a half destroyed, and out of place beach ball.
"Attention all passengers, please report to the bridge, immediately. I repeat, all passengers-" Maria's voice echoed somewhere above Albel's shocked looking face. He stood in the same spot for a while before he started his way towards the bridge, a scowl on his face.
"What is it you fools!" Albel spat as he thrust himself through the doors of the bridge. Everyone who had arrived looked at Albel as if he had an extra head, which would probably be mistaken for his twin sister, scowling just as hard as he was.
"As I was saying…before I was rudely interrupted…" Maria finally spoke as she scowled slightly towards a bored looking Albel, "Cliff has come up with this crazy idea…that we should 'get together' with each other…for Christmas or something like that…" Maria sighed as she rolled her eyes.
Cliff currently wasn't in the room, which made everyone breathe a sigh of relief. They would be safe from his plotting for at least a couple more hours.
"Maybe we'll be lucky and he'll die halfway through the attempt or something…" Roger said as he looked at the steel floor hopefully.
Everyone else was thinking the same thing, but Cliff wouldn't be stopped…he couldn't be stopped…he had already started his plans, from his bedroom on the Diplo…and oh man…it was horrible…
"Now…I think…yes…Roger…and Peppita…" Cliff said as he scribbled some notes down onto a sheet of paper.
(Shows Peppita sitting on the Sandal Churner)
"I don't why…but I'm gonna kill Cliff first when we catch the Diplo…" Peppita stated with a confused face expression.
"You do that milord!" Picolotto said as he bowed on his knees in front Peppita, praising her like a god.
(Back on Diplo in Cliff's room)
"Now…let's see…the last people left would be…Fayt…Sophia…Nel…and Albel…that could only equal one thing…Magistrate Lasselle times Queen Romeria…" a look of surprise played across Cliff's face, before a large green beam came crashing through the roof of the Aquarian castle.
The Queen didn't even seem to notice at all, that she was being slowly pulled towards a newly made hole in her Audience Chamber. Lasselle watched in horror as she floated away from her throne, still in a seated position. She had bored face expression, not even flinching when Lasselle jumped up to grab her ankles.
His attempt at saving the Queen failed and he was soon being levitated upwards too, his arms wrapped tightly around Romeria's ankles, as he looked at the distant floor.
Cliff waited in anticipation at the transport room. He cackled evilly when the large cylinder lighted up, and the Queen appeared before his eyes, Lasselle sprawled on the floor beneath her, his face buried into the floor as his arms continued to somewhat, 'hug' the Queens ankles.
Fayt burst into the room, at the sound of Cliff's evil laugh. He stared in horror at the sight of the Queen, standing there with her trademark boredom face. His face turned to even more horror when he spotted Lasselle lying on the floor, probably crying…
"CLIFF! WHY! WHY DID YOU DO THIS!" Fayt yelled as he stormed right up to his friend.
"I duno…more excitement on the Diplo…?" Cliff shrugged as he stared at Fayt pout fully.
Fayt rolled his eyes. He looked once again at the two, still in the same spot and positions. He sighed before walking up to them.
"Um…I'm sorry about this your majesty…here…come with me and I'll go get you a room…" Fayt said as he walked over to the door, waiting for it to open, while the Queen started to follow. She didn't get very far however, probably due to the fact that she could barley move her legs with Lasselle still hugging them. He was dragged across the floor, but still did not let go.
Romeria angrily growled as she kicked towards the nearby wall, Lasselle was repeatedly slammed into the wall, causing him to groan and flinch at the pain.
"LET GO!" Romeria gave one loud shout before she slammed her foot towards the wall with such force, that Lasselle fell temporally unconscious, his arms slid down to her feet where they lay loosely on her shoes.
She stepped out of his annoying arms and continued on her journey after Fayt.
Lasselle came back to 'life' a bit after the queen had left with Fayt. Cliff was kneeling right in front of Lasselle, and the sight seen wasn't a very pretty one, right after waking up.
"You alright man…?" Cliff asked as he pulled Lasselle to his scrawny feet.
"I'll be fine…" Lasselle stated as he dusted his robes off and looked at Cliff expectantly.
"Hey man…don't worry about her…she'll come 'round…" Cliff said as he wrapped one of his chunky arms around Lassalle's small shoulders, forcing him towards his chest.
"What…?" Lasselle asked as he frowned at Cliff.
"Ya know…" Cliff said as he took a step away from the magistrate, eying him suspiciously.
"No…know what…?" Lasselle asked as he raised an eyebrow at the large member of the Klausion group.
"Ya know…how you…and then she…ya know…?" Cliff whispered, he was still eyeing Lasselle like he was a murderer or something…well…it couldn't be proved that he wasn't or anything…Dion did disappear in the castle and all… (Corad: Um…I think--) SILENCE!
"Look…Clifford…I don't know what the hell you think you're talking about…but I don't understand one bit of what you're saying…" Lasselle spat angrily at the larger man.
Cliff looked slightly disturbed at these words, let alone his name…
"But dude…how can it be so obvious to everyone else…but it's not even obvious to you…?" Cliff whispered in a confused tone.
"What…? That you're an idiot…?" Lasselle spat at Cliff, as he turned away from him slightly. Lasselle now held a defensive pose, with a scowl on his face, his arms tightly crossed over his small chest, as his back faced his opponent.
"No!" Cliff said as if it wasn't even insult, but a stupid theory to a stupid question. Cliff looked around the half empty room, to make sure that there were eavesdroppers, he found none, and decided to finally continue on with his assumption of stupidity.
"You…like…the Queen…" Lassalle's face turned into a whirling pit of shock and horror at these words. The world seemed to crumble around him, as his anger gauge increased way over the limit.
"WHAT!" Lasselle screamed as he abruptly turned around the glare at Cliff angrily.
"Hey calm down man…" Cliff said as he put up his palms for a defense, "It's okay…I have a plan on how to pair you two up…alright…my coupling never fails…"
(That 'I Believe in Miracles' song comes on as screen becomes host to snapshots of couplings Cliff has created, everyone is handcuffed to their partners. Couples include:
Adray and Clair
Nel and Clair
Mirage and Steeg
Shelby and Clair
Albel and Roger
Albel and Fayt
Sophia and Leiber
Clair and Clair 2
Maria and Gonnella
Ursus and Albel
Nel and Albel
Fayt and Cliff
Marietta and Shelby
Albel and Vox (and Shelby)
Shelby and Cliff
Cliff and the McDonald's sign)
"But I don't like her! Well…not like that anyway…" Lasselle screamed at Cliff.
"Look man, I know this is embarrassing for you…seeing as though your secret has gotten out…but I assure you, you'll feel much more less guiltier when you're finally waiting at the end of the wedding isle, while she comes down it looking at you…(Cliff snakes an arm around Lassalle's shoulders again and leans in closer) Aww, imagine how beautiful Adray would look in a wedding dress…(Cliff looks down to see a disgusted face expression from Lasselle) uh…I mean Romeria…yeah…Romeria…heheh…heh…um…yeah…" Cliff said as Lasselle scowled up at him. Cliff gave a nervous glance, as he decided to move away from the aggravated Magistrate.
Lasselle stood, angrily as he glared at Cliff.
"Now don't worry man…here…you put this on, while I go get the mistle toe…" Cliff said as he handed Lasselle some form of Cliff made tuxedo.
Lasselle took the suit reluctantly, as he stared at Cliff, who was exiting the room. Lasselle rolled his eyes…it was going to be a long day…
Meanwhile, Queen Romeria Zin Emurille, (Also known as Aquaria XXVII or pizza eater 6005) was sitting in her newly declared, bedroom. She was bored, as per usual, and was debating in her head of the possible things she could be doing right now…(1: Eating, 2: Sleeping, 3: Being a good Samaritan at Christmas time or 4: Harassing the innocent…)…and yes it was obvious of what she would do…she stand up the plate of joy, and be the best person she could be, she would stand high and mighty, her silhouette appearing on every heroic wall…while she gave Roger S. Huxley…a pre—wedgie!
"Please miss majesty…I don't know what I did to make you mad at me like this…but I promise I won't do it again your highnessness…" Roger cried as he dangled in mid air by his underpants.
"Prrrp, you and your stories raccoon boy…" Romeria laughed as brought Roger higher into the air. He yelped out in pain, complaining of underwear burn, before he was dropped onto the floor again, and his underwear was pulled completely over his sulking head.
Queen glared at the pathetic bundle at her feet. It was even more disgraceful, than that time that Farleen had a crush on Magistrate Lasselle…god only knew the age difference between them…and the poor magistrate never found out why he felt so threatened when he walked around the castle, or slept…he would never know that the purple haired complaining machine, stuck on high note 25, was stalking him.
Romeria became bored with the small Menodix's crying and screaming, and general panic stage. She was no sooner going on a stroll towards the bridge of the Diplo, to check out what was happening.
The Queen reached the bridge with a big entrance, complaining that 'this place stinks', before she came and towered over Maria like she was a little kid or something…
"Um…why are you here…? Shouldn't you been down in Elicoor or something…? Don't have a kingdom to rule…a magistrate to get married too…?" Maria spat as she rose from her seat and glared at the Queen. The Queen's eyes turned to tiny slits of hatred as she stared at Maria.
"Excuse me! You can't talk to me like that, girlfriend!" Romeria stated in a snobbish tone as she made snob related hand movements to go with it, "I'm like, the queen!"
The room fell silent as everyone gaped at the Queen, as if she had just declared Christmas canceled.
"Okay…I'll go now…" Romeria stated as she did a shifty gaze across the room of confused looking programmers. She coughed as she backed out the metallic door.
Once the door was closed, the confused looks still continued the Queens direction as she headed elsewhere, even though they technically couldn't see her.
It took about 10 minutes before everyone went back to what they had been doing beforehand.
And while this was happening, Vox was also having a somewhat 'adventure'…
"Wow! You really did that Mr. Roger's dad? Please…tell us another story sir!" Vox gasped as he leaned across the small coffee table and gazed, wide eyed at Aznor S.T Huxley.
"Certainly young man!" the Menodix stated as he smiled at a happy looking Vox, a bored and irritated looking Albel, a neutral faced Woltar.
"Can I go now…?" Albel sighed as he rolled his eyes.
"SILENCE! Can't you see the man's a hero telling his heroic stories of manliness!" Vox roared as spit flew all over the place, especially Albel, and the brown, polished coffee table.
Albel just growled while Vox ushered Aznor into another story.
"Well…this one happened a few years ago…I was walking along that road…ya know the one along the Aire Hills…? Yes, well there I was…then this large fellow, with sandy brown hair…and a beard…yes he had a beard too, well he comes jumping out, his robe…cape thing blowing in the wind…and he does this massive belch…and I swear…the smell was like poison, let alone the noise…it sounded like a bomb had gone off…then he just runs off like a lunatic…comes back after about 20 feet, then asked me I have change for 5 bucks…it was horrible…Scary Movie 5 even…" Aznor explained, a look of deep interest played across his face, while Albel slumped further into the couch, and Woltar shifted his gaze towards the door hopefully.
"Heheh…yeah…what a monster he was huh…?" Vox laughed nervously as his beady, evil like eyes darted around the room uncomfortably. Just at that moment, Forte G Huxley entered the room; she was carrying a tray containing a teapot, 4 teacups, a saucer, a metal cup containing sugar and a plate filled with cookies.
"Oooo!" Woltar squealed at the sight of the tea. Albel's bored eyes widened with horror as he leapt to his feet.
"NOOOOO!" Albel screamed as he dived for the small female Menodix. She screamed as he tackled her to the floor, the contents on the tray flying everywhere.
"NOOOOO!" Vox then screamed as he dived for the plate of cookies that was hurdling to the floor. He successfully caught them and began to eat them all, gorging himself like the fat pig he was.
"YES!" Woltar cheered as he held the teapot he had caught, high in the air. He then ran out the door, clutching the teapot for dear life, as he giggled like a school girl, who happened to be being asked out by the school heartthrob.
"COME BACK HERE OLD MAN!" Albel screamed as he climbed off the shocked looked Mrs. Huxley, who was covered in the milk and sugar from before. Albel ran out the door, and you could hear his angry screaming, while Woltar's maniacal laughing echoed around the Diplo's hallways.
The two of them ran past Fayt and Sophia who were happily talking in one of the hallways. They stopped dead in their words, when Woltar ran past with the teapot, giggling like a loon, Albel screaming and ranting as he pursued after him.
"What the hell was that…?" Fayt asked as the noise dispersed as the two grew further and further away.
"I don't know, Fayt…" Sophia replied while she looked off in the direction the two lunatics had just gone.
"What is it with old men and tea anyway…?" Fayt asked before the scene was switched back to Woltar and Albel running around the ship screaming.
"Put the tea down old man!" Albel screamed at his old fart of a friend.
"Make me, you fluffy haired, answering machine!" Woltar aggressively screamed back, as he hugged the full teapot to his old chest.
"WHAT! I don't even know what that means!" Albel screamed back as he frowned. And as the two of them ran around, they became quite hot, sweaty, and in the end smelly…yes…they even smelt as bad as Vox's socks (shows a quick film of the King forcing a trophy away from Vox and giving it to Albel and Woltar, while Vox moped in the background.)…
Another thing which happened was a large bomb like siren that sounded around the hallways, while Mirage's voice appeared on the loud speaker.
"Attention all passengers…this is a code red procedure…I repeat, this is a CODE RED, procedure. This is not a drill! An old man, aboard this ship, has received a full teapot from somewhere, someone, or something (Shows Forte laugh nervously while she glanced around the room, a nervous glint in her eyes)…" Mirage spoke while Albel and Woltar continued to run.
"Panic, I repeat, PANIC…no wait…I mean…DO NOT PANIC, we will be sending soldiers out with tranquilizers to deal with the problem immediately…" Mirage's voice disappeared and was replaced with some form of elevator music, the siren still in the background, as the hallways flashed a red colour.
"SLOW DOWN OLD MAN!" Albel yelled as soldiers began running around in all directions, tranquilizer guns in their hands.
"I GOT HIM!" a soldier suddenly screamed as he threw his hands up in the air, accidentally letting go of the gun, "Uh-oh…" the soldier said as the gun hit another guard, then rebounded and hit another…then another…then another…knocking them all unconscious as it bounded along.
Woltar swayed on the spot for a bit, while Albel watched in anticipation, for the old fart's next move.
"Hahahoohhrarhahahahaeh…eh…" were Woltar's last…um…words, before he went hurdling to the floor.
So there the old one lay, unconscious and with a tranquilizer thingy sticking out of his, in the air, backside. It was a lovely why to die that…butt in the air, nose buried into the floor…he looked kind of like a slug imitation gone horridly wrong…
Albel made an irritated noise, as he exited the scene. The soldiers slowly dispersed, leaving Woltar, and the shattered teapot mess behind.
Vox then came round, doing shifty eye movements, as he slowly and cautiously edged his way towards Woltar, who was now snoring like Santa Clause himself.
"Yep…I think I see the problem here…" Vox said as he examined Woltar below him, "Come 'ere you…" Vox said as he heaved Woltar over his left shoulder, and headed away towards the horrid garbage ejection system.
"Seeya Wolty-pie! 'Member to get me present kay!" Vox said as he loaded Woltar's sleeping form into the system, he then closed off the shaft, and watched as Woltar was sucked into the Galaxy.
Though Vox didn't know that people couldn't breathe in space, it was okay anyway, because Woltar was somehow safe as he rocketed away. He soon smashed into another ship, indenting the metal, like the Christmas tree had done earlier.
He drifted out of his newly made dint, and went floating around the atmosphere.
(Meanwhile on the Sandal Churner)
"Um...Captain Peppita…" Dulcinea nervously said as she eyed the control panel below her.
"Yes…?" was Peppita's reply, as she looked over the heads of her ships controllers. She tried to make her appearance look more important like, as she sat stick straight in her chair and rested her hands casually on the arms of it.
"Um…well number one, someone just fired an old man at us…and number two, I think it was the Diplo…" Dulcinea said as she fiddled around with the panel in front of her.
"Okay…now its war…Ursus, Gonnella, Picolotto, come here now!" Peppita screamed, as the three men appeared around her.
"Yes Little Lady?" Ursus asked as he and the others bowed before Peppita, as if she was a Queen or something.
"I want you to fire back…manually…" Peppita hissed, her eyes turned to slits, at the 'manually' bit.
"Yes mam!" the three of them shouted as they saluted Peppita. Ursus and Gonnella then bent down and picked up Picolotto.
"Huh…what the…let go! PLEASE!" Picolotto screamed as he was carried out the door, and towards the Sandal Churner's rubbish eject system. He was later seen floating around outside with Woltar, occasionally bumping into him. Woltar was apparently still asleep as he aimlessly drifted around.
Meanwhile back on the Diplo…
"Hey…has anyone see Count Woltar…?" Cliff asked as he looked up from his magazine, looking at Fayt expectantly.
"No…" Fayt replied as he looked at Cliff.
"Okay…" Cliff said as he turned to look out the window, "Oh no…" Cliff said when he spotted Woltar floating around with some other old man.
"What is it Lummox head…?" Roger asked as Cliff advanced on the window, gaping out of it like an idiot.
"What the…is that Picolotto…?" Fayt asked as he too looked out the window. Roger came up and looked out the window too; he began to laugh as the two old men collided heads then floated slightly away from each other before they floated back to each other, colliding again, before they looped the past movements again.
"Hey…yeah it is actually…" Cliff replied as he watched the two men outside, Woltar had awoken and was now screaming, as he flailed around helplessly, before be fell asleep again for some reason.
"Huh…are they taking old man Woltar away…?" Roger asked as the Sandal Churner approached the old farts. They abducted Woltar onto their ship then began to reverse away, leaving Picolotto to screaming and cry at them, though it was not audible.
Fayt looked at the Sandal Churner and spotted Ursus and Gonnella laughing their heads off as they pointed at Picolotto.
"Oh, so they're gonna play the hostage game huh? Well I can play that game too!" Cliff yelled as he slammed a fist into his other palm.
Fayt sighed as Cliff disappeared out the door and towards the bridge. A green beam soon shot out of the Diplo and Roger and Fayt watched as it hit Picolotto, making him disappear from view.
His screams could be heard somewhere down the hall, and Fayt rolled his eyes, at the thought of Picolotto being on the Diplo now.
Cliff was however pleased with his work, and immediately set to work with tying Picolotto's limbs together with their pairs. And even though he would now have to put aside his pairing up business for now…he was pleased with his hostage work…
To Be Continued...?
Woltar: Will Lasselle and Romeria ever be paired up...? Will Bijoux ever add in that love triangle that someone requested? And will Bijoux eva update this before Boxing Day! Find out next time on...
Bijoux: Cram it geezer! (throws tub of cream at Woltar)...
Woltar: You'll regret this! (runs away covered in cream mess)...
Bijoux: (In unsual high pitched, and generally gay sounding voice tone) Please review...Corad...get away from my controler...I don't want to come back to find Fayt's name has been changed to Fart again...(insert awkward silence here)...and I don't wanna see Albel's name turned to Albelch...and don't even get me started on that time that you changed Maria's name to Mr. Page...or Nel to Belchy...or Cliff to Big Mac...mmmmm...big mac (drools all over keyboard)...
Corad: Um...you did that to MY game...
Bijoux: Prrrp! You and your stories Corad...you and your stories...