The rest of that day was filled with angry yelling from Mom and Dad.
"To think we spent all that money on sending him to such a violent school!" Mom was saying.
"Well, we paid them, so, violent or not, he's going back," Dad snarled.
"Oh, sure! Just don't think about the safety of your son!"
Calvin sat in his room with Hobbes listening in on the conversation.
"Ah, music to my ears," he sighed happily. "It's so special when they yell and it's not about me."
"What's with these people?" Hobbes wondered. "After all, shouldn't Christmas be about happiness and such?"
"It's about gifts, Hobbes," Calvin said firmly. "Get that through to your head. And once Santa compares me with the rest of the town, I'll get more presents than anyone else!"
"Or maybe Santa will judge the city as a whole," Hobbes suggested. "He'll think that because they're all in a bad mood, we're in one too!"
"Pah!" Calvin scoffed. "Not likely. He monitors every single person individually."
"How do you know?"
"I read about it."
"What was this book entitled?"
"Uh… Santa Claus Watching for Dummies?"
"You really haven't a clue, do you?"
"Not a one."
"So then how do you know that I'm wrong?"
Calvin looked at him disdainfully. "Man, I hate it when you do that."
"Glad to be of service."
Calvin looked out the window towards the sky. "So you think that if the town is in a bad mood, then we'll get bad gifts along with the rest of them?"
"It's possible, yes," Hobbes replied.
"Well, we'll just have to do something about that, won't we?"
"How are we gonna cheer everyone up?"
"CHRISTMAS IS ON ITS WAY, SO BUCK UP SO SANTA'LL RIDE HERE IN HIS SLEIGH! I WANT YOU ALL TO BE HAPPY SO THAT I CAN GET MY THERMONUCLEAR WEAPONRY!"
Calvin and Hobbes were out on the street, and Calvin was wearing a halo over his head and had cardboard angel wings on his shoulders. He sang loudly and off-key. Hobbes sat near him, covering his ears.
"Calvin, how is this supposed to make everyone happy?" he asked.
"Simple: everyone will realize that my gifts may not come, based on their attitudes, and therefore, they'll sympathize with my problem, and then they'll cheer up so that I can get my gifts."
"That has got to be the dumbest idea ever."
"It is not."
He turned back to the street and threw his head back.
"EVERYBODY NEEDS TO SMILE SO SANTA CLAUS WILL FLY THE MILE! I WANT THOSE GIFTS ON CHRISTMAS MORN, SO EVERYONE STOP BEING FORLORN!"
"Shut up!" someone shouted.
Calvin was instantly creamed by a snowball.
"Is too," Hobbes snorted.
"I don't get it," Calvin sighed, wiping the show off of his face. "Caroling is the ultimate source of Christmas joy! Especially when they're about me!"
"Where's the joy in all this again?"
"Shut up. Let's get started on Plan B."
"Which is?"
"I'll let you know when I think of it."
They walked down the street to Brown's General Store which was a block away.
"What are we doing here?" asked Hobbes.
"Well, as its Christmas, I feel we should get some candy canes."
"Okay."
They entered the store and went to the rack that held the giant candy canes. While Calvin was paying for them, Hobbes looked at the bulletin board that was on the wall near the door. It had a lot of papers tacked on, but there was a poster that caught his attention.
"Boy, even Brown himself is in a bad mood," Calvin muttered, handing Hobbes a candy cane.
"Calvin, look at this."
Calvin looked at the bulletin board. There was a poster that said UPCOMING CHRISTMAS PAGEANT THIS SATURDAY AT 5:OO. PLEASE SEE AT THE TOWN SQUARE.
"What about it?" Calvin asked. "It's just that same pageant that Mom and Dad drag me to every year."
"But it could be helpful this year. If we can just send out a message, letting people know that this bad mood is going to plague us all, maybe they'll snap out of it."
"That's a dumb plan, Hobbes, but unfortunately, it's all we have to work with."
"Thanks."
So as they left the store, they knew they had a mission. That called for one thing:
"ATTENTION! ATTENTION!" Calvin said. "This meeting of the Get Rid Of Slimy girlS Club will now come to order, Dictator-for-Life Calvin presiding!"
"Hear, hear!" said Hobbes.
"Today's meeting shall be about our plans to restore the Christmas Spirit and save the winter holiday before we get nothing but coal and whips," Calvin started. "We have decided to send a message through the upcoming Christmas pageant this Saturday, and we need to know how to do it. Any suggestions?"
There was a pause.
Hobbes finally raised his hand.
"First Tiger Hobbes?" Calvin asked.
"Maybe you participate in the pageant?"
Calvin gave him a blank stare.
"You've got to be kidding me."
"No, I'm not. It'd be an easy way to do it."
"But I'm not comfortable wearing stupid outfits in front of masses of people like that?"
"But then how do you explain the Noodle Incident?"
"THAT WASN'T ME! THAT WAS AN IMPOSTER!"
"Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. But think about Christmas! It's completely stink for you if you don't come up with a way to persuade these people to buck up."
Calvin rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll do it, but if I get laughed at, it'll be your head."
"What an honor," Hobbes muttered.
"Okay, men, you have your assignment!" Calvin declared. "Let's hop to it! Meeting adjourned."