Yes, I've returned! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME! MUHAHAHAHAHA! And here to respond to my beautiful reviewers is Serenity:
Bakura Girl- Just wait till you see this chapter, with magpies, mockingbirds, tutus and reference to hamsters. Even if one peculiar hamster is such a pain... I know where you live (or at least Catapult Turtle does)
Atem's Queen- Tristan's not my favorite character either. Anywho, he's kind of cool. Go Tristan anyway! Since he's my big brother's friend!
Thank you Serenity, and now to the fanfic!
Note: This chapter has 2 inappropriate references. Don't like it? TOO BAD!
Chapter 4: Tutu?
But even more importantly than that death-defying trench coat was that-
"Why is Kaiba wearing a tutu?"
-I was getting there. Anyway, Kaiba stood utterly embarrassed to see friends of Yugi in his elevator, wearing a pretty pink tutu over his pants.
"Um, I can explain," he said. "MOKUBA!"
And Mokuba- who happens to have good relations with flying bison- suddenly came through the window, wearing a red tutu. "It's National Tutu Day!"
After a bunch of "oh yeahs", "that's rights" and "I forgots", they also realized the DOOM duelists were sitting in a corner with Tristan's AC of Doom (trademark).
"Waaaaait a minute," Tristan said. "What are you guys doing with my AC of Doom?"
"Heh heh heh," said Dartz. "This is our AC. For free."
"What are you talking about?"
"Look, it says 'DOOM.' We are the DOOM duelists. Therefore it is ours."
"What kind of logic is that?" Tristan asked. "GIVE IT BACK!"
"Is YOUR name on it?" Raphael asked. Tristan shook his head.
"Or maybe it is…" So Tristan searched around the AC and found- "Honda!" Hey, I was getting there. Anyway, Honda had manufactured this Air Conditioner. Yeah, the car company. Honda is Tristan's last Japanese name.
"Something's suspicious," the tutued Kaiba said. "Why on earth would a car company make ACs as well?"
"Honda makes lawnmowers, Samsung made the building our fanfic writer is currently in, Goldstar makes TVs and microwaves," Duke continued to count the other trillions of things made by weird wide ranging companies. Of course, nobody paid any attention to him… so anyway…
"Mine!" Tristan yelled, but as he pushed Dartz away to finally use his 4000 percent evil AC, he suddenly grew smaller into a-
"Hamster!" Serenity screamed!
-What's up with you people and interrupting the narrator? Do you think it's fun, or easy to be a narrator? IT'S NOT! I'm trapped in a dark room- and all I can do is narrate and I'm A FAILURE IN LIFE! ARE YOU HAPPY?
Oh sorry, back to the story. Tristan had turned into a hamster. Kawaii! But all Tristan could sigh is, "Why do I always turn into the animals? Why?" That's simple- Catapult Turtle has a sick and twisted sense of humor. In fact-
"Narrator, we don't want to know," Duke said. "But how did Tristan turn into a hamster?"
"He must have hit the 'Turn into a hamster switch' conveniently located behind him," a random mockingbird said. "The only way to change back is by going to first season Yugioh." And then someone reading To Kill a Mockingbird killed the mockingbird- I mean the mockingbird grew very tired and slept on the ground, without breathing or moving.
"I have the turn into the hamster button," Seto started, "to keep away the character bashers and fan girls."
"How does it work?" asked Serenity.
"By using the powers of the nonexistent 'heart of the cards' and 'Shadow Realm' the dub keeps talking about. I mean these weren't even in the Japanese version."
"What do you expect from 4Kids?" asked Tristan in a squeaky ham-ham voice.
"Oh, he's so cute!" Duke squealed. "I love hamsters! They're so soft and cuddly and- why is everyone staring at me?" asked Duke as he picked up Tristan.
"You wouldn't understand," Yugi's Grandpa said. "Now how to get that trench coat…"
"Come, my pink duck army," Tristan yelled, and they came right through the window in pretty pink tutus (National Tutu Day is for everyone!).
"Pink Ducks!" Kaiba screamed. "I'M ALLERGIC TO PINK DUCKS!" Seto started to run around the room, which was pretty hard considering the fact that he's so tall, and he's wearing a tutu.
"Go for the trench coat," a Pink Duck (Pinkius Duckalious) told the rest. Kaiba was still panicking as much as he good, until he finally tripped on his own trench coat and landed flat on his face. Then, the Pink Ducks came and pulled off the coat, thus making our favorite CEO (SETO IS BETTER THAN DARTZ rdfhfjhndf) completely powerless.
"Let's get his deck," said Yugi's Grandpa as the Doom characters mysteriously dissolved into the wind, although there can't be wind in a building. Yugi's Grandpa opened Seto's metal briefcase o' doom (not Doom, just doom and this one has Kaiba's logo on it, so back off Varon). After doing the happy dance with the Blue Eyes, Kaiba (who is currently frozen and unpowered) was starting up his allergic reactions. Now don't worry, Mokuba always carries Epi Pen around.
Because Tristan is clinically insane, he jumped out of the window rather than using the elevator in his hamster state, with everyone but Bakura (because he's sane), Serenity (because she enjoys watching people in pain), and Rebecca (because she was wondering about what Yugi would look like in a tutu). When they had all reached the ground in painful or less painful ways, they had to use the small scrap of info given about 2 minutes ago: to change back Tristan they'd have to delay, go into a STUPID, pointless subplot in YGO! First series- the one that follows volume 1-7 of the manga somewhat-ish and was completely edited out by 4Kids for the sheer violence, cursing, confusion, evil yo-yos (I'm not making this stuff up, people), and violence again. Therefore they'd have to go to their local Odd Stuff Shop (trademark) and get a "Transfer-me-to-first-season-YGO-button" which being a plastic button defies logic so much that logic explodes causing you to be sucked into first season YGO where logic is like an empty peanut shell. And so off they went, with Duke carrying Tristan along in his pocket.
"He's such a cute hamster," Duke thought aloud.
"Stop it Duke," Tristan squeaked back. Duke pet him on the head.
"Good boy." Tristan bit him.
"That's okay, all untamed hamsters do that," Duke continued as he pet Tristan again, only to get bitten again.
"That's it Duke, I'll carry Tristan," Serenity said. "Honestly, if this goes on, you won't have a hand left." Duke reluctantly traded over his new "pet" and Serenity didn't stuff him in her shirt pocket for obvious reasons, and just held him all the way there.
When they got there, Duke split off to find hamster food, and Bakura went off to find some hair dye (how do you think he keeps his hair so white?) leaving Serenity, Tristan, Rebecca and Yugi's Grandpa to find the button.
"So where do you think it is?" Asked Tristan.
"Let's try that display next to the sign that reads 'HEY FOOLS! SALE ON TRANSFER-ME-TO-FIRST-SEASON-YGO-BUTTONS!" Serenity suggested.
"Hey, they have pictures of YUGI on them," Rebecca noted.
"Shouldn't we get those other peoples first?" Yugi's Grandpa asked. And by the power of mere coincidence, Duke and Bakura suddenly came back.
"Hey, hammy!" Duke said, ripping open the hamster food bag (although it is resealable). "Have a sunflower seed!"
"Err, thanks?" squeaked Tristan who picked up the humongous seed and nibbled at it.
"He's so cute when he's eating," Yugi's Grandpa randomly said.
"Well, let's all hold hands and I'll press the button," Serenity decided.
"But I'm not done with the sunflower seed…"
"And I'm not done feeding the hammy. This is three pounds and it cost me eight bucks. I mean, what's up with that?"
"Tristan, my YUGI sense tells me you can hoard it. My YUGI sense is also telling Duke to give the leftovers to the needy hamsters at Small Angels Rescue Group Inc. (Trademark)." So they all held each other's hands and paws as Serenity pressed the button that would zap them into a horrible world of bad animation, bad words, wEiRdNeSs and reference to porn tapes. Yes the world of 1st season YGO awaited them and the perils-
"Hey, narrator (who happens to be the fic writer's little puppet), could you hurry it up so I can press the button?" Serenity interrupted. Oh whatever. Serenity pressed the button and they all landed in Domino High School, the 1st season way. Which means they all conveniently landed on the poor girls, Anzu (Tea) and Miho (a classic throw away character with blue hair and an orange uniform).
"Miho-Chan!" It was Tristan. Or some would say it was. No, this was Honda, our Japanese Tristan with a major crush on scatterbrained Miho.
"What happened?" asked Tristan. He had been returned to normal. Or that's what he thought!
"You've been sucked in an episode of Yuugiou! Shadow Games," observed Yugi, who looked even shorter and higher-pitched than ever.
Before Tristan could say a thing, the opening had begun:
Just walk a bit further along the road like this, shoulder to shoulder…
Counting the dreams that are becoming further away…
Seeing the gradually lessening friends…
At this moment I am lost in the familiar streets…
And created the other side of myself in the darkness.
A yell of thirst,
As if piercing the heart already filled with depression,
I want to invite you to see this world with me, (Come along with me!)
Inside my heart are answers no one else has,
Find the crucial key,
Then, Fly At Higher Game!
"Huh? What kind of opening song was that? Although the tune was catchy."
"Who knows?" It was Joey, or rather Jonouchi. In fact everyone was there, Yugi, Honda, Anzu, Miho and of course Jonouchi as I've just said. "You look like Honda."
"I am Honda- but in the dub, they call me Tristan." Tristan stopped and looked at the 1st series characters. They all needed more shading and better colors and outlines. Tristan looked back only to gawk. The ones in the series already had turned their original colors, Serenity's hair was pink, Bakura's eyes were green, Yugi's Grandpa was wearing a pink shirt under beige overalls, but Rebecca and Duke, who never appeared in the series remained the same. Tristan looked at his hands. It was poorly outlined and was in desperate need of more shading. "WHAT THE (insert explicit word here) is going on? Wait, did I just curse?"
"Yes, you (explicit)er, you did. In first season YGO everyone does. There's an average of 3-4 swears per episode." Jonouchi said. "Now why do you look like Honda?"
"I am him, but I'm the new version of him, but since we're here, I downgraded," Tristan explained. "These are my friends and- Rebecca what are you doing?"
"It's YUGI…" Rebecca quietly said. "HE'S SO KAWAII IN THIS SERIES, YUGI!" She yelled, and tackled him.
"Hey, get off of Yugi!" Tea growled.
"Hurting Miho's friends makes Miho very angry!" Miho said too.
"And what makes Miho angry makes Honda angry!"
"It's o-okay," Yugi stammered in his very cute 1st season voice. "But who are you?"
"You don't know who I am, YUGI?" Rebecca cried. "I'll fill my YUGI in. One day, YUGI came around with the supposedly stolen Blue Eyes. When I dueled YUGi, I fell in love. The end, my YUGI."
"When was this?" Yugi asked Duke. "And who are you?"
"I'm Duke, Otogi in Japan. It was after Duelist Kingdom in the filler arc. Remember?"
"Duelist Kingdom?" All of the first series characters asked.
"Guys, it's before their time," our pink haired Serenity finally said.
"Hey, you're- SHIZUKA?"
"No, I'm Serenity from the Duel Monsters version of this show," Serenity explained as everyone got up. "We're from another world. And we need to get back."
"Well, why don't you use this 'GO-BACK-TO-YGO-DM-button' I have?" offered Honda. "These were at a one day sale, which is on today."
"Hey can I see it?" asked Ryo Bakura (Oh, I'll just call him Ryo). Ryo was holding it so nicely that when Duke suddenly dropped the hamster food all over him, the button angled at the chalkboard, causing the button to turn into a magpie and float away.
"Oops," Duke said. "My bad. And we don't even need the food."
"AHH!" Honda yelled. "You've dirtied the floor! As part of the Beautification Committee, it is my duty to save the earth from dirtiness!" Honda pulled out a broom from absolutely nowhere and began cleaning.
"He's a janitor," Jonouchi whispered to the other Tristan. "Since Honda has your real name, let's call you by your first, Hiroto."
"As long as everyone else can keep their names," Hiroto decided. "But can we call Yugi's Grandpa YG? Saying 4 syllables hurts my brains…"
Of course dear. I, the superb fanfic writer hereby declare on the name of the sea turtles that Yugi's Grandpa will now be known as YG. May God hear my answer and give his approval.
Amen.
"Oh, and do you know where we can get another button?" asked Ryo, holding the crushed one and sobbing.
"Yeah, at the place where we got the other one," Yugi said happily with Rebecca holding his hand. "I'll go too."
"We'll all go. Besides they're having a sale on porn tapes- I mean corn crepes," Jonouchi said with shifty eyes.
"What are we waiting for? Let's go!" YG said and all of them skipped class to go retrieve the button.
Will our heroes (or villians who are trying to overthrow the heroes) get the button? Or will something terribly bad happen, forcing them into a another subplot? Or maybe I'm just insane? Well, the Suspending Turtle of Ultimate Doom agrees. Will Hiroto (Tristan) get out of this mess and get to Yugi to take him down? Well, even I don't know that, so go Tristan! anyway!
Till next week, see ya Lovers! And don't forget to review!