Hello everyone. School's started so I'll probably update every Friday henceforth. THis chapter was sort of forced on me, and I certainly don't consider it to be my best. FRIENDLY KAIBAS ARE SCARY!
Well, Duke was going to respond to my fabulous reviewers, but seeing asI have none- Poor Duke will have to wait.
Duke: That's not fair!
Catapult Turtle: Blame the readers then!
Anyway onto the story which is filled with connections... GO TRISTAN!
Chapter 5: A Field Study of an Extreme Pallid Jird
And so everyone (Tristan in his unhamsterified form, Duke, Serenity, Ryo, Rebecca, YG, First season Yugi, Anzu, Honda, Miho and Jonouchi) all walked down the street to the store where the GO-BACK-TO-YGO!-DM buttons were sold, which for legal reasons we will call "Small Mart." Yep, it was pretty boring. That is until they came to the darker alleys of 1998 Domino…
"We have to be careful," Yugi said, still holding Rebecca's hand, "This is the place where the evil yo-yo gang lives."
"Evil yo-yo gang?" asked Ryo, who is the one of the few sane people left in this cartoon universe.
"They use yo-yo's to attack people," explained Honda. "But really, plastic hurts. Jonouchi used to be with them, but he overthrew the leader with a 'walk the dog.'"
"I think they're having troubles with the pink panda plushie gang anyway," added Jonouchi. That's when for no reason, the evil yo-yo gang appeared- with yo-yos! (gasp)
"NO, NOT THE YO-YOS!" all of our ignored characters screamed as they ran for their very lives.
"HA! You cannot escape us!" The punky leader said as he was making an Eiffel tower design with his yo-yo, causing- err I don't know, the writer has a bit of a block, sooo let's just say it did something bad… I'll give you five dollars if you do… I mean, back to the story.
So as the evil yo-yo gang did something bad to our hero-type people, they did not notice their greatest threat was just behind them-
"GET BACK EVIL DOERS!" A small voice squeaked. There was a flash of awesome yo-yo skills from the holder of the voice and the gang members went home with band-aids that appeared from nowhere in the power of anime. Well, everyone stopped, looking for their hero.
"Where'd he go?" asked YG.
"Maybe he's like Spiderman," wondered Tristan. "You know, he comes, does his work and leaves?"
"Actually, I'm down here," the voice squeaked. They all looked down. There was an adorable little gerbil, with pale orange fur and wolf markings, a furless tail, and the cutest eyes you may ever hope to see. He was on a mini dark blue skateboard, and had a red-white-and-blue cap held in the backwards way. And he had this awesome bracelet that had spikes on it (like Bowser)! He was cute! Kawaii! And fashionable! And he was a rodent! Next to him was a yellow yo-yo. "I saved you," the gerbil said.
"Oh, KAWAII!" Duke squealed, as he grabbed the gerbil and gave him a big hug. "He's a Pallid Jird, Gerbilius perpallidus! There's no way we're going without him!"
"Yeah, you're right," Anzu said. "Maybe he knows the way there. We don't."
"You mean we've been aimlessly walking around for hours?" asked YG.
"Yeah, pretty much," Anzu answered. "So, can you come along with us?"
"Well, it's not like I have any important skateboarding to do," the Pallid jird said. "What the hay? I'll come." Meanwhile, Duke was sketching pictures of the cute little rodent, and taking plenty of pictures.
"I'm going to make a new rodent book," he announced to everyone. "I'll call it A Field Study of an Extreme Pallid Jird. It's so perfect!" Duke squealed again, and gave our nameless gerbil a kiss on the nose.
"I think he's insane," the gerbil whispered to Tristan after leaning through another death defying hug.
"Don't worry, I am too," Tristan answered pretty stupidly. But hey, with insanity comes stupidity.
So the gerbil, on his dark blue skateboard that had an awesome lightening bolt running down it, skated closer to Small Mart. But-
"Hi, I'm Kaiba. I like games." A green haired Kaiba with yellow eyes appeared from a corner, almost causing our kawaii little rodent to fall!
"Oh, hello, I don't believe we've met," Yugi said, shaking Kaiba's hand. Yeah, they hadn't because this episode is a hodge-podge of hold episodes in unchronological order. And now, my friends get ready for- BUM, BUM, BUUUM- FRIENDLY KAIBA!
"I like games? Do you?"
"Yes," everyone replied, except for Rebecca who added YUGI after her yes.
"Hey maybe we could all get together and play a bunch of games!" Kaiba said. And maybe I can get that Blue Eyes from stupid YG.
"But-" Tristan started, and never finished. They were all taken into a limo to Kaiba's mansion, where they played games. All of the first series characters were having a blast. But our DM friends were afraid opening a box might really trigger a blast. But Kaiba remained friendly. It was plain unnatural. Scary and wrong and sick.
"Oh, and YG, could I see that ultimate rare card you've got?" asked Kaiba before they left.
"No," he answered back.
"Why?"
"I said no."
"That's not very nice," Yugi said. "Kaiba was so friendly and hospitable. If he could only have one look, I'm sure he'd be satisfied."
"Yeah, just wanna look at it." And switch it with a copy, Kaiba added in his head.
"Your friendliness makes me sick," YG answered and left without another thought, assuming he thinks. Everyone else except Kaiba followed, because- well, I don't know why, but that's not the point.
So we could go through the adventures against the pink ponies, ninjas, assorted lip glosses and income tax our heroes faced on the way to Small Mart, but we've got things to do today, so I'll just shut up. Anyway, they got to Small Mart, got the button and were ready to return to their world. And they did the standard paying procedure after begging Anzu for some money, were ambushed by some more pink ponies etc., and went to Anzu's house for the night cause they felt like it. Hey, I told ya the writer has writer's block- and, hey a letter. Let's read:
Dearest Narrator,
Your narrating days are over.
Fairest wishes, Catapult Turtle
Huh? Ahhh! Catapult Turtle is here! OW! OOPH! GAHHH!
Sorry about that folks. I'm the new narrator so italics will be turned off. That's better. Now where were we?
Oh, yeah, they were attacked by some more pink ponies as they walked outside with the button for only $67.0786555! And since dialogue is needed to fuel the plot:
"Hey, Yugi, I just thought of a new shipping," Anzu said. Yugi was still holding Rebecca's hand, or rather she was holding his.
"What is it?" asked first season Yugi.
"WeevilxAkunadin. I call it Irrelevant-time-shipping!" She said triumphantly.
"What do you mean, 'I call it?'" asked Serenity.
"Oh, Anzu's made every anime shipping to date," Honda explained. "From SetoxSerenity, to Ash's PokedexXMisty's Pokedex, she's made them all."
"Wow," Tristan said, as they walked through the badly animated world with badly animated people. "CARROT STICKS!"
"FRUIT PIE YUGI!" Rebecca screamed randomly. Sadly, she did not know that saying FRUIT PIE YUGI in Japan may bring town-destroying cockerels, as that is their breeding call, also known as Massivilia Desilio Chikenmaybenotreallyno. Suddenly, the sun blotted out as the huge chickens came closer and closer and closer-
"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" a random mockingbird said who was killed (or fell asleep and didn't move or breathe) by some dude who was reading To Kill A Mockingbird. However, as the chicken neared, a one-in-a-million years dimension portal appeared out of nowhere.
"We're being sucked in!" The extreme Pallid Jird squealed as they were being flunged (I make up the darnest words) into the dimension portal. As they flew through time and space, fought some more ponies and saw Kaiba singing karaoke, they were flung into Duel Monsters- with one slight problem.
"WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?" Tristan demanded a now revamped Jonouchi.
"It seems we 'happened' to have gotten in the portal too," Honda said.
"You held on our pant legs, didn't you?" YG asked in a statement kind of way.
"Yeah," admitted Anzu, who now looked like our DM Tea. Even Miho had been changed. She now looked very pretty (and the one writing this sentence is a girl…) but was still quite dopey, even with more shading, highlights and better edges and colors.
Of course, all of our heroes had conveniently landed in one of the few parts of the Atacama where rain has never even been recorded. But since life makes no sense…
"I can get us back to Japan," the gerbil said. "Now, put your hands together…"Everyone, including the gerbil, put their hands and paws together in the typical way like the first episode. The gerbil pulled out a bottle marked with "friendship." "This will hurt a little." He gave it a spray and they somehow returned to Japan (it was pixie magic I TELL YOU dgdfhgfhgf).
"Wow, thanks so much kawaii gerbil hero!" Duke said, turning a bit chibi.
"Wait, did you say hero?" The gerbil said as he started to vanish in thin air. "The hero cycle developed by some dead dude 37 years ago says after I do my heroic duty, then I disappear or die. So see ya, peeps!" Duke cried, cursing himself for not getting more pictures of the extreme Pallid Jird.
"Well, we have a bit of a problem," Tristan said. "Since you are now main characters, I'm gonna have to get rid of you too, but if I call you heroes who've already had their decisive victory, you'll go away…" Yugi, Jonouchi, Honda, Anzu and Miho were already fading.
"YUGI!" Rebecca screamed as he faded away.
"Be sure to watch my show and see me around, Rebecca," first series Yugi said before completely disappearing.
"That was weird," Ryo noticed.
"Yeah," Serenity said.
"Well, now we can finally create a plan to get rid of everyone and finally use the AC of doom and pink ducks!" Tristan finally said.
"Let's have it over dinner!" YG said. "Yugi's treat."
"YUGI?" Rebecca asked, confused.
"I sold him to the part-time slave market. I mean, no one ever goes to my store. My last customer was Caesar. Spell check hates me. Young ones hate me. And they love me. But they think I'm a stalker, which is only partially true." Serenity blinked. And blinked again.
"Touch me and die," Serenity said simply.
"Oh well. The point is we can pay for the food. Let's go to some unknown restaurant that has terrible singers! It's called the Army Club!"
"Okay," Ryo said and so they marched to the Army club, where there was a pond filled with-
"Oh, WOW!" Duke screamed. "OHMYGLAUXTHISPONDHASRED-EAREDSLIDERS (TRACHMEYS SCRIPTA ELEGANS)! IT'S SOOOO KAWAIIIIII!"
Next to Duke is our favorite fic writer, I, Catapult Turtle, who is currently screaming I LOVE RED-EARS at the top of my lungs. TURTLES ARE SO KAWAII
Anyway, they managed to pry Duke away from the kawaii turtles and entered inside. There wasn't much decoration, and on stage performers from the Philippines were causing glass to shake quite dangerously. After getting a table far away from the stage, and ordering whatever their hearts may desire, Tristan could have claimed one of the decorations, a sea turtle being held from the ceiling with strings was coming ever closer. In fact, he didn't care until the turtle slapped his head into his nachos.
"Ewww," Tristan said to himself. "Now I'm all cheesy."
"Hey, stupid," the plastic sea turtle said. Time suddenly froze, and it was just Tristan and the sea turtle. "My name is the Suspending Sea Turtle of Ultimate Doom. I am your soul." Oddly enough, this turtle was a female. 0O
"My soul?"
"Your soul."
"Are you sure?" The turtle dunked his head in the nachos again.
"Yes, I'm sure, stupid. Now listen up. I want to get rid of those stupid YGO characters like you do. But I can't do that, since I'm your soul. I gave you the duty of getting rid of them. But 1 character down in five chapters? To help you speed up, I think you six guys should break up in teams and get rid of the mainest of the main; Joey, Tea and Yugi. As a hint, I'll tell you this: You can defeat Yugi, Serenity can defeat Joey and Rebecca can defeat Tea." Tristan was watching the Suspending Sea Turtle of Ultimate Doom, even if his head was in nachos. "And don't get the cheesecake, it goes right to your thighs," the turtle added as Tristan awoke.
His head was still in nachos. "You were conked in the head with that plastic turtle," Duke said. "You passed out half an hour ago. You've been snoring in all that cheese. You know dairy products can get you high."
"I feel lightheaded," Tristan said, thinking about the turtle. Was it just a dream? Had it been something else? Actually, I don't know. So who cares? "I have a plan," Tristan added.
"Let's hear it then, I'm sure it'll be great!" Ryo said in his optimistic way.
"Okay…" And thus Tristan began to explain his plan, given by the Suspending Sea Turtle, but you can't find out what that plan is exactly until it's carried out because I'm a mean, insane authoress. So nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh, what will happen?
Just on a couple of things:
Today, I overheard a conversation about this girl who tried to get high off of yogurt. She tried tomake it work. The fact remains that you cannot get high off of dairy products.
The Army Club is based on the Navy Club herre in Seoul, but the Navy Club is decorated and the singers aren't too bad. They even serve nachos! And they really do have kawaii turtles in their pond, which will be big enough for when they grow up (makes me happy)! There really is a Suspending Sea Turtle of Ultimate Doom, a real cute plastic turtle. And yes, it really is Tristan's soul.
I drew a picture of the Extreme Pallid Jird. If I get any requests to see it, I'll put up the link. I ensure you that I am fine at drawing, assuming my peers, teachers and whoever elses are correct. The extreme skateboarding gerbil idea was just one of those odd moments when reading my Encyclopedia of Rodents and Rabbits.
There really is an evil yo-yo gang in first series. It's funny, people are just beating each other up, and using yo-yos too. Gangs always surprise me, butthat Takahashi makes me wonder if he's all the way sane...And the Friendly Kaiba existed for but half an episode (BUT THAT WAS CREEPY!)
So, review pweez? Duke really has to respond. If you don't, he'll join PETA and throw paint at you!
So till whenever, lovers, see ya!