Guten Tag/ Morgen/Abend! Yep I'm taking German!
WOW! I actually have reviewers! I must be doing something RIGHT! GASP! Anyway, Duke gets to respond to these.
Duke: Hello!
Catapult Turtle: Just do the job if you ever want to see your hamster again.
Duke: Sniffles--- My poor, poor hammy. On to the reviews:
emotionalanime- GUARDIANS OF GA'HOOLE will rule the world!
SilverChaosMageChione- Glad you like us getting in our mishaps. Catapult Turtle thanks you for the review that made her Thursday a good one.
Atem's Queen-Bakura is normally shown eating or dissapearing at the start of sagas like me Woah, his hair does look like a tent!
Atem's Queen (Again!)- Catapult has seen them using the powers of the computer! With subtitles from 1-11 and the RPG part with Bakura. She does know the flow of the manga thanks to the internet, but is unable to actually go out and by them (actually she's just lazy, but since I want a live hamster, let's keep that between you and me...) You can see them, if you care at http/ If you think you're gonna face legal issues, 1.) If you live in the US, you'll be fine since it's still unlicenced there, and 2) Toei hasn't done ANYTHING Yugioh! for 7 years. They aren't gonna hunt you down. It is cool, but not for the type of person who flinches at every bad word (like Catapult Turtle does)...
Atem's Queen (AGAIN AGAIN! You're on a roll!)- Fweee! I love the Extreme Pallid Jird! Wanna see the Pallid Jird? See it at http/i2. The book and documentary of it will take years, though (It's hard getting through all of the internet for just one kind of animal).
Duke: Hey, that was remotely fun!
Catapult Turtle: FUN MUST DIE! knocks out Duke Onto the story! GO TRISTAN!
Chapter 6: The Teams, The Plan and the Running Over of Dubbers
AT THE KAIBAS' PLACE---
"I can't believe I was outsmarted by those insignificant characters," Seto muttered to himself. He had gotten rid of that stupid itchy tutu when Mokuba started taking pictures- he took the camera, tortured it, cut it up into a million individual pieces, fed each piece to a million individual zebras, and then killed all of those, thus significantly reducing the zebra population. Then, Kaiba went to his closet which is the size of Austria, to get one of his sixty million extra trench coats. Then he was beaten up by a clown that had a green nose. And now he was sad, because he was outsmarted by those pesky characters everyone ignores. But then he was revengeful, because he was outsmarted by those pesky characters everyone ignores. "I'm not out of this fan fiction yet! HEAR THIS, INSIGNIFICANT CHARACTERS! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"
MEANWHILE, AT DUKE'S PLACE, WHERE OUR FOCAL POINTS SHALL SPLIT INTO TEAMS---
"Helloooo?" Tristan said to the door that led into Duke's apartment. Although speaking to a door is quite ineffective when it comes to opening it, Tristan just stood there, asking the door to let him in. Serenity, Ryo, Rebecca and YG were all supposed to meet Tristan at Duke's to begin their- EVIL PLAN! Tristan had even brought the AC of Doom along, which he had inhumanely stuffed the Pink Duck army in. Finally, Tristan had a glorious idea. He ran into the door, causing it to fall off of its hinges to see-
"DUKE ARE YOU WATCHING THE FINAL EPISODE OF YU-GI-OH! WITH SUBTITLES!" Tristan screamed at the top of his lungs. Well, since I was RUDELY interrupted by a CERTAIN INSIGNIFICANT CHARACTER, I guess it's rather redundant to say Duke was sitting on the couch with his hamster (a fine tortoiseshell female who has won many shows) watching the last 8 minutes of Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters on his home entertainment system.
"What? I'M NOT WATCHING ANYTHING!" Duke insisted, ripping out his DVD player and throwing it out the window. "ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THAT WOULD BE A MAJOR SPOILER!" And as if to prove it, he picked up the entire system and threw it out the window, where it happened to safely land in a mother kangaroo's pouch (But at this time she had no baby, so no harm was done to this marsupial). Then Duke went over to Tristan and shook him repeatedly, yelling, "WHY WOULD YOU THINK I'D BE SPOILING THE ENTIRE SERIES?" before falling to the ground in a seizure.
"Don't worry, he's always like that," the tortoiseshell hamster squeaked at Tristan. "He'll stop after about sixteen seconds."
SIXTEEN SECONDS LATER---
"See?" The hamster went on. "He's all better now, except he has multiple injuries from hitting sharp edges as he flailed around!"
"Err, thanks?" Tristan said, quite confused. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Tristan ran over to the door to see Serenity, Rebecca, Ryo and YG. "This isn't my house, but come in anyway!" he shouted before taking off to the living room where Duke was petting his hamster.
"Hi everyone," Duke said distractedly. He lifted his hamster up for all to see. "This is my hamster. Her show name is Autumn Leaf, her normal name is just Leaf. She's a 100 pure tortoiseshell, and has won multiple best in shows because she eerily perfectly matches the American, British and the Japanese breed standard. SAY HI TO HER OR DIE!" So after a bunch of "Hi's" Hello's" and "YUGI, Hi's", there was an awkward silence.
"Uh, well we are here to break in our preassembled teams," Tristan started. "You see, according to a plastic turtle deep within me, we are destined to destroy the significant ones. So, in order to speed up we will break up. Now before we begin, I'd like to tell you, I've already selected the teams. Team A will be Ryo and I, Team B will be Serenity and Duke, and Team C will be Rebecca and YG. Any questions?"
"Yes," Duke said. "Can Team B's mission be to lock ourselves in a place of our choosing for an unidentified period of time, uninterrupted?"
"Sure!" Tristan said absentmindedly as Duke and Serenity started to walk away. "Hey… Wait a minute!" Tristan said as he finally deciphered what that mission meant, and ran up to grab the neck of their coats as they walked off. "Well, this ought to call for a change of teams. Duke, since I need to keep a special eye on you, you've been shifted to Team A with me, and Serenity gets to stay with only other sane person left- Ryo."
"Good," Serenity said briskly. "Can you let go of the neck of my coat though?"
"ANYTHING FOR MY SERENITY!" Tristan said in an odd spasm of release, even though I highly wonder why some certain sixteen year olds keep hitting on younger Serenity… Oh well, I'll add it to the list of things I wonder about (along with how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop).
"Well, what are the teams supposed to do?" asked Ryo. "After all, you were slightly sketchy on the details yesterday."
"Well," Tristan said. "I'm not really sure. I forgot what the Suspending Sea Turtle of Ultimate Doom said." So Tristan criss-crossed applesaused his legs and stroked his imaginary beard in an attempt to--- THINK!
So, while Tristan did such a brain straining activity, everyone dove into the fridge where the most unhealthy foods (And the most vegan) were. "Who wants a garden burger?" asked Leaf, Duke's hamster if you've forgotten already, as she opened a pack of frozen vegan burgers.
"Oh, I love meat like imitations that don't harm cows!" Ryo said. And soon, everyone except Tristan was eating Garden Burgers while watching the entire Pharaoh's Memories series on Duke's other home entertainment. There was blood, fat guys, possessed people, Dark RPGs- it was great! And they all had a fun time and grew old and died. The End!
I mean, just before the last episode, Tristan ACTUALLY REMEMBERED WHAT THE TURTLE TOLD HIM! Wow! And then he forgot it! Not wow! Suddenly, the window opened by itself, and a plastic sea turtle with strings attached hit Tristan in the face. "I am the Suspending Sea Turtle of Ultimate Doom," she said. "I am your soul, who was come to help you," she told Tristan.
"You mean you know what you were going to tell me?" asked Tristan. All of the others swiveled their heads over to Tristan who was insanely talking to a piece of plastic.
"No wonder this fic is called The Night Tristan Went Insane," Leaf thought aloud.
"A regular psycho," Serenity agreed.
"Anyway, Tristan," the turtle continued in a language only Tristan could understand. "We need you to stay with your teams, they're good right now."
"What do you mean, 'we'?" asked Tristan while the others watched on.
"Why, the other souls of your friends," The turtle said as more inanimate animals popped through the window.
"I am the soul of Duke, my name is the Burrowing Hammy of Ultimate Kawaiiness" a cute pumpkin orange plushie hamster said.
"I'm Serenity's soul, the Diving Dragon of Ultimate Jealousness" a pink dragon made of glass said with a wink.
"Allow me to introduce myself, I am the soul of Ryo Bakura and… someone else," a half black, half white clay cat said. The eye on the white side was blue and the eye on the other was green. "I am the Driving Cat of Ultimate Kindness," the white part said. "I am the Evil Cat of Ultimate Evilness. And together we are the Driving Cat of Ultimate Personality."
"I am Rebecca's soul, the YUGI-Obsessed Bunny of Ultimate Love," a red paper bunny said.
"And last and least is YG's soul, the Despaired Mule of Ultimate Boringness," said a blue mule carved from soap.
"As you see," Tristan's soul went on, "we are here to help you. And to do this I must remind you: You can defeat Yugi, Serenity can defeat Joey and Rebecca can defeat Tea. On your missions you must develop as characters to save this fan fiction from becoming a slur of boring, predictable characters. Now good luck." Tristan repeated what the Suspending Sea Turtle of Ultimate Doom said, for all to hear, until a wind took all of the inanimate objects and threw them out the window elsewhere.
"That was weird," was all Tristan said. "Well then, you heard the turtle. Let's get to work!"
MEANWHILE AT YUGI'S HOUSE---
"I better go look for Grandpa," Yugi said to no one in particular. His Grandpa had left about 12 hours ago. "I'm hungry. Why does Grandpa always wonder off like that? And why doesn't he let me touch the stove? Just because I'm short… WELL I'LL SHOW HIM! I'm going to drive all the way to Duke's house BY MYSELF and prove I am capable of using the stove!" Yugi hopped out of his chair, yelling, "I'M TIRED OF BEING A MOOCHING LOSER! I'M GOING TO BE INDEPENDENT!"
Yugi ran down the stairs with an American flag, even though he is Japanese, while singing "Oh say can you see?" He took a key off of a high rack. Or at least it seemed high to Yugi. He was all ready to go when suddenly, the TV turned on, showing the next poorly dubbed episode of Yu-Gi-Oh! Waking the Dragons. Yugi immediately froze and began watching the rerun in a hypnotic trance.
AT OUR FAVORITE FANFIC WRITER'S HOUSE---
Our favorite insane fanfic writer, yes, I, CATAPULT TURTLE was watching the exact same episode. As Yugi took his place for the Pharaoh in that one Doom episode where Pharaoh lost to Raphael, I lifted up one finger at the screen while millions of fangirls across the world cried as Yugi sacrificed his soul to the Orichalcos for our dearest King with no memories, I laughed my head off. And laughed and laughed and laughed.
BACK WITH YUGI, AFTER THAT EPISODE---
Yugi ran out the door and opened up his Grandpa's ancient car that had been made by Henry Ford himself. Yugi hopped in and started the car. "Oh say can you see?" he sang again. That's when he realized, he couldn't. "I can't see over the steering wheel and work the pedals at the same time," Yugi thought aloud. "Well, who cares anyway? I'M INDEPENDENT! OH SAY CAN YOU SEE!"
"You see, we're gonna really butcher YGO! GX so much that the characters will be bland and undeveloping, there will be no theme and we're gonna change all of the perfectly fine names!" A random 4Kids dubber said to another 4Kids dubber as they walked along, not noticing the raging car Yugi was in coming straight at them.
"Sorry bout that!" Yugi yelled as he bumped over the dubbers. More random dubbers appeared, and Yugi kept running them over- because I, Catapult Turtle, have a wEiRd and twisted imagination + I can't stand dubbers which Yugi running down every dubber! DIE!
After all were appropriately annihilated, Yugi made it to Duke's, only to see a police car. The policeman hopped out. "Sir, according to our observations, you've broken every known traffic rule known to man, and several others known to snakes. I'm gonna have to see your license."
"Err, I don't have one, exactly," Yugi said nervously. "I can't see over the steering wheel in driver's ed…"
"FINE BE THAT WAY," the policeman said, disappearing completely.
"Oookay," Yugi thought aloud. Suddenly, his Grandpa appeared out of the apartment. "Finally! Grandpa, I'm going to be independent from now on!"
"What do you mean?" YG asked as the rest of our heroes, except Duke came out.
"It means I'm tired of being good! I'm going to become a Goth!"
"What?" YG said.
"YUGI'd look great in black," Rebecca said.
"And a nerd at the same time!" Yugi added, pulling out a book for Calculus and Calculus 2. "I'm going to the black market. See you guys later!"
"A Goth and a nerd?" Tristan was troubled. "Well, it looks like I'm really going to have a problem."
"Why?" asked Ryo.
"I dunno, the author's starting to experience writer's block," Tristan said. "Oh well, let's all go home now. Tomorrow, the REAL plot will begin!"
No, really, the ACTUAL PLOT WILL ACTUALLY BEGIN! W00t!
Not much to say here. The rest of the story will be cut into pieces- one for Seto Kaiba, one for Team A, one for Team B, and one for Team C. If I have a real bad case of writer's block, I'll add more sections. I have no idea where it's going, but I don't think it'll be stopping anytime soon.
And in other news- Guys, I've been seeing all of the stuff Katrina did (oil all around, homes covered in unhealthy gunk, corpses floating on the gunk etc.) and it's really gotten depressing to just watch. So we should do something about it! This is big and it's for our own fellow Americans (even if I am in Korea right now) so go out and donate! I am, once I find the time in my schedule. Go and give 50 cents to a Bake Sale supporting relief, start your own bake sale, force your school to do something too! Tell everyone how important this is. If every author on gave 5 dollars to the cause, do you know how much we'd raise? A fat lot, that's all I know. So let's go and help our felllow man!
Well, that's it for today. See ya, lovers and don't forget to review!
GO TRISTAN!