My Buddy
I have a buddy,
My buddy's a toad,
He's kind of muddy,
He's flat on the road,
But he is my buddy,
My buddy to stay,
'Til he's peeled up,
And sailed away.
-From Garfield, a poem written by Jon
Yes I'm back. Since there seems to be such good reviews, I'm updating early this week. I was in more of an insane/ random writing mood (perfect for Raven Moon right now) so this chapter is more twisted than funny in my opinion. But I had lots of fun writing it. But: I do not own Captain Planet. Cartoon Network owns that. I don't own 4Kids Productions either. But if I did, there wouldn't be ANY (insert poorly dubbed anime here) uncencored sites.
Captain Planet is doing the reviews for this chapter (don't fret, it'll all become clear soon):
Atem's Queen- Yeah Kaiba's Kaibaman. If you've ever seen GX ep 35, you'll know. And REMEMBER, this is our PLANET! And it's up to us to keep it SAFE!
The Mad Writer- Catapult Turtle really tried to make this unique! Too bad she failed! (grrr, what did you say, Captain?) FRYING PANS OF DOOM SHALL BE USED IN THE fight against EVIL! And remember, it's up to YOU to protect our planet!
SilverChaosMageChione- You'll love this NEW CHAPTER! -Takes out yarn of I SHOULD CLEAN MY ROOM- (Don't worry it'll all make sense soon, if you consider any part of my story has sense, so maybe it won't). ANYWAY, it's up to YOU to protect our PLANET!
cantdueldontaskeme- Bakura will play a bigger role later... He's only yet began to shine. Speaking of which, did you notice how strongly the SUN SHINES? It's up to YOU to protect our ATMOSPHERE and POLAR BEARS!
cantdueldontaskme (again)- (Captain Planet becomes you mother) Now what did I say about driking at the computer while reading comediiies? (Transforms back) Glad you like it. And I hope you help PROTECT our NATURAL WONDERS! FOR I AM CAPTAIN PLANET!
Well that was annoying. Besides, why does Captain Planet need everyone's help if he'sa superhero? Gasp (there's a lot of gasping and sweatdtopping in this chappie). Well, GO TRISTAN anyway, and on with the story!
Chapter 8: Altered, Boarded and Screaming Old Guys
WITH OUR WONDROUS INANIMATE SOULS---
"Why did we choose Tristan and his band of personage who lack any skill?" asked a peculiarly bored inanimate soul of YG to no one in particular in some person's personal graveyard (the murder rates where they live are frighteningly high, and this guy collects dead bodies, a fun hobby might I add).
"He was all I could get on short order," explained the Suspending Sea Turtle of Ultimate Doom.
A random 4Kids dubber passed by the souls blabbing to another 4Kids dubber: "We're going to take out episodes 3-7 of YGO GX so we get rid of any characterization there, and tone down episode 50 so it produces absolutely no emotion or increase in brain waves…" All of the objects stared (if you can call it that) at them.
"And we're going to really kill One Piece and its 'Our friendship and bond was even greater than the treasure' theme, merge 14 episodes and skip three future seasons!" said the other. "Next let's dub Inuyasha so kids can watch it!"
Suddenly the inanimate souls shouted, "Earth, wind, Fire, water, thunder!" And all merged to become-
"I AM CAPTAIN PLANET!" The green skinned lame old Cartoon Network reject floated around before yelling, "Stop EVILDOERS! Have a taste of my YARN OF I SHOULD CLEAN MY ROOM!" He pulled out a ball of yarn.
"Well, then face the sacred power of our ANIME DESTRUCTION LASER!" they yelled together, each taking out-
Your mom's hairbrush!
"We had to edit out the guns," one dubber said. "Now PREPARE TO BE RUINED!" But even as the laser zapped, Captain Planet remained unphased.
"GASP!" gasped the dubber.
"GASP!" gasped some hobo I hired.
"GASP!" gasped a random crowd, your mom's hairbrush, and several webmasters of Pokemon websites.
gasp.
"I'm Captain Planet, a cartoon," he explained. "But not an anime! Prepare to feel the wrath of my YARN OF I SHOULD CLEAN MY ROOM!"
Captain Planet ah-ha-ed as he shot the yarn causing the 4Kids Dubbers to be the following thirty-two paragraphs are not appropriate for the targeted audience (or the untargeted ones) and has been CENSORED for your safety.
MEANWHILE, AT YUGI'S WITH OUR TWO POINTLESS FOCAL POINTS---
"I choose Naruto!" Tristan yelled as he continued to battle on Jump Superstars, a Japan- release-only DS game that lets you fight as your favorite characters from Shonen Jump. How cool is that!
"Here Garfield," Duke said to his Nintendog on his DS.
"Honestly Duke, you pay more attention to that thing than you pay me," Autumn Leaf observed as she and Yugi watched the very emotional episode 50 of YGO GX. Don't go Hayato!
"I bet our DS's can link up!" exclaimed Tristan after one rather one round of rather pointless battling. Before Duke could answer, his DS was picking up a signal.
"I choose Naruto!" Tristan repeated stupidly as a mini Naruto sprite appeared next to Duke's Nintendog (who was a lot bigger than the sprite).
"Garfield! Attack!" Duke yelled.
"Hiya!" Naruto yelled as he picked up the virtual dog and threw him far, far into the depths of space.
"I win!" Tristan said triumphantly.
"No you don't," Duke insisted, tapping in the ultimate cheat code. "Have a taste of virtual PETA!"
Suddenly a bunch of people appeared on screen in suits with lawyers. There was a court meeting and Naruto was found guilty on all animal cruelty charges and was thrown in the asylum with Michael Jackson, who was muttering something about pineapples.
"That's cheating," Yugi noted who was taking another tissue as Hayato lost to Chronos, and seeing all of those past happy moments.
MEANWHILE WITH KAIBAMAN---
Okay, so Kaibaman's first plan really didn't work out But that's okay- Seto Kaiba, disguised as Kaibaman was just outside of Yugi's house. He'd show YG what justice and revenge, but mostly revenge, are all about.
"With my hired Professional Crazy Guy from Pokemon the First Movie, they'll all go down," Kaiba thought aloud as his hired guy walked towards him.
"You hired me?" he asked in that mysterious business type way. He was holding a bunch of pointy and scary objects covered in BLOOD! - I mean fruit juice (shifty eyes).
"I hired you," Seto confirmed. "Your job is to have revenge on everyone in the house, even Yugi."
"Okay," he said in an insane fashion before crashing through the door of Yugi's house.
WITH YUGI AND THE NOBODIES---
"Hey Tristan did you hear something that sounded incredibly similar to a guy Kaiba hired running into the door to come have revenge on us?" Yugi managed to say in one very long sentence.
"Uhhh, no?" Tristan said as he started eating the doggy playing piece from Monopoly.
"I did."
"Who said that?" Yelled Duke. "There's no speech tag so we don't know!"
"That was just me," Leaf answered.
"Oh."
"Leaf, was that you again?" asked Yugi.
"No."
"It wasn't," Leaf said. "But I have the creeping feeling that someone's in this house whose out to get us."
"Maybe."
"Uh, we better put up our defense mechanism then!" Yugi decided, turning on his computer and going to mean?" Tristan started, but Yugi nodded. It was their only defense against this weird voice they were hearing. The lights dimmed, causing only the computer to illuminate the entire house.
"It's a badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, mushroom, mushroom, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, mushroom, mushroom, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, mushroom, mushroom, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, OH MY GOSH Snake, snake, oh snake---" The computer sang crazily as images of badgers, mushrooms and snakes all appeared.
"NO ONE CAN DEFEAT THE FLASH CARTOON THAT NEVER ENDS!" Yugi said.
"AGH! I'm melting!" Kaiba's hired guy yelled as he came into view.
"Gasp!" gasped Yugi.
Gasp.
"But I can still do this!" He yelled, taking out a USB cord and making beams going out to Yugi, Duke and Leaf.
"Oh no! Is this legal?" asked Yugi.
"Maybe in Utah, but not in Japan!" he yelled before leaping up and going up the stairs. Then he plunged out of a two story window. Mothers, keep your children in, there's a maniac loose on the streets.
"I'm a flamingo!" Duke said as he turned pink.
"Achh! I'm turning into an Oompa Loompa!" Yugi said, although he didn't need to shrink, because well-
You know.
"Oh no, I'm being turned into a hamster," Leaf said unenergetically as she was transformed into a hamster. Too bad she was one to begin with.
"Now you have to go to YGO GX to change back!" said a random mockingbird before exploding.
"NO!" Tristan yelled. "NO MORE SUBPLOTS LIKE THAT! NO!" In a twist of insanity and fury, he picked up the nearest steel baseball bat.
"Er, Tristan, don't be angered that we're genetically altered…" Yugi said. "Hey that fits part one of the title!"
"WHO CARES?" Tristan screamed. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU UNTIL YOU TURN BACK!"
"What poor grammar," Leaf noted.
"DIE!" Tristan hit Duke with the bat, then Yugi, then Leaf, and-
They all turned back to normal.
"Hey why do mockingbirds keep telling us to go into subplots then?" asked Tristan.
"You don't suppose…" Yugi trailed off.
"You do suppose. Catapult Turtle's been sending those mockingbirds to make us go in her favorite parts of Yu-Gi-Oh!" Autumn Leaf realized.
"Well?" Asked Duke who pointed to I, the FABULOUS narrator, Catapult Turtle. "Is this true?"
Uh, let's check with our good friends Ryo and Serenity-
"HEY!" they all yelled.
Er-
MEANWHILE WITH SERENITY AND RYO---
Little did they know, the apartment was actually a horrible torture chamber- you know what I'm talking about. It was a-
Boarding school!
Serenity opened the door anyway, Ryo flinched, someone died, a baby was born in
China and only seven clouds were in the sky in the entire world, a weather phenomenon we should all worry about.
"Oof," Serenity muttered as some guy on the other side pushed her in and grabbed Ryo in.
"Hello, my pretties." Ryo turned his head very slowly to see the evil principal staring at them. "Welcome to the Boarding School of Calculi, Neurology and Peanut Butter."
"Boarding school?" asked Serenity. "I thought this was an apartment."
"It is, but the first 19 levels are for our use," she explained. "I'm Mrs. Misses. I am your principal. I am the one who can tamper with your grades. You are now registries."
"But we didn't even tell you our names," Serenity pointed out.
"Names don't matter here," the principal answered. "You are F-56 and the boy is G-235. You are both 10th graders."
"But I'm not a 10th grader…" Serenity mumbled.
"Identity means nothing here, F-56. You are here to learn. We have a 300 college going rate here."
"Is that even possible?" asked Ryo.
"Probably not," answered Mrs. Misses. "You first class is Calculus 6 by the way. You better get going there."
"But we need to get to Big Brother…" Serenity whispered.
Suddenly, Mrs. Misses lengthened, her eyes bulging and teeth gritting in a complete spasm. "EXCUSE ME. WHAT DID YOU SAY?"
"Nothing…" Serenity grumbled.
She turned to normal. "Good and have an excellent day!"
So they went to Calculus 6…
ONE CLASS LATER---
"Oh, my arms hurt," Ryo said as the teacher threw him out of the classroom. Serenity followed, limping badly.
"That was the roughest math I've ever done," Serenity gasped as she fell in a pile on the floor.
"My brain hurts," added Ryo. "And I wish Teacher wouldn't hit me with a ruler whenever I got something wrong. How could I know 6 x 56 (xc – yr2) 5w7/ n85 equaled fish?"
"Well, next we have advanced reading," Serenity assured. "That shouldn't be too hard."
As soon as they walked in and saw the living, suffering students that decorated the wall, they just weren't so sure. The entire room was dark and there was gothic music playing. But the teacher was nowhere to be seen.
"How unprofessional," Serenity thought angrily.
"My arms still hurt," moaned Bakura.
"Hello, students." There was a puff of black smoke in the dimly lit room as Ryo and Serenity sat down. Their teacher was a vampire- Vampire Carmilla from the Seven Stars of YGO GX. "As part of my eternal suffering because of losing a shadow duel, I have been forced to work as a teacher." The pretty green-haired vampire winked at Ryo.
Ryo blinked blankly.
"I think she likes you," Serenity whispered.
"I think she just wants to drink my blood," Bakura answered with the likely reason.
"Anyway, you have to read this 445 page book and answer 68 questions about it," the vampire continued. "And if you don't mind, I like the lights to be very dim." With a snap, the lights turned off completely and four candles appeared out of nowhere to produce a very dim black light.
"I can't see a thing on this book," Ryo said as he squinted to try and read it.
"Hey, neither can I…" Serenity said. "And you know why?"
"Why?"
"Guess first."
"Is it just too dim?"
"No," Serenity said. "There's nothing written on this page. Or the next, or the next, or the one after that. This book is completely empty."
"Empty?" Ryo asked. "Then how can we do the worksheet for a blank book?"
"Ryo, there's something behind you," Serenity said. "I bet it's a fly, I'll get it." Serenity slapped it.
"Ow."
"Ow?" Ryo repeated. Serenity had slapped Vampire Carmilla who was right behind Ryo, dangerously close to his neck. "Serenity…"
"Yeah?"
"This is a trap to suck our blood out isn't it?"
"Yeah," Serenity confirmed.
"In that case: LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!" And without further ado, they burst through a random wall, allowing sunshine to come and melt Carmilla (Why didn't they think of that sooner). Yes I said sunlight. They crashed out of the 19 story building's windows.
"Uh oh," Ryo said briefly, before falling.
"I'll save you/ have my revenge on you!" Out of nowhere, Kaibaman came from the bushes and caught them both. In a trash can.
"Woah, thanks Seto!" Serenity said. "Oh no! That sounds like a SetoxSerenity line!"
"Don't worry, Serenity I have plenty of fuzzy feelings for you," Kaibaman said.
"It's nausea isn't it?" Serenity asked.
"Yeah," Kaibaman confirmed.
"Same here."
"Uh Serenity," Ryo said. How are we going to get back up without getting boarded?"
"I'm not sure," she answered. "But you just filled in Part 2 of this title. Any ideas Seto?"
"Call me Kaibaman. You could always go in that conveniently placed helicopter that says 'How Joey gets out and in his House.'"
Serenity and Bakura sweat dropped. "I feel stupid," Ryo said slowly.
"Well, let's get going," Serenity said as she hopped in the helicopter. "Let's go Ryo. And thanks Kaibaman, but I feel nauseous still."
"Good! Have a nice trip!" he said as the two flew off. "But I can't help but think I've forgotten something. Then he sweat dropped. "I forgot to have my revenge."
WITH YG AND REBECCA---
Rebecca threw another exiled plan to destroy Tea. It wasn't going so well. YG was resting from the Bottled Friendship and Rebecca's main thinking tasks had to do with Yugi in one shape and form. Then she had enlightenment. "Hey, YUGI's relation, have you ever noticed the Lone Ranger isn't really Lone?"
"No," he said. "How is he not lone?"
"He has a sidekick, YUGI's relation. That means he's not a Lone Ranger at all, YUGI'S relation." Gasps are heard around the world. "I found out how to defeat YUGI stealer!" Rebecca said suddenly, drawing a pretty picture.
"How?" YG asked. His eyes still stung from the friendship, so he kept them closed.
She showed YG her drawing. It was a picture of Yugi and herself dumping something into Tea's food. "We need ANTI-Friendship powder, YUGI'S relation," Rebecca explained. "It's her weakness, and you, YUGI's relation and I must have it and she must have it, so we can defeat her in a duel!"
"You can duel?" Rebecca sweat dropped.
"I'm not even going to dignify that with my YUGI filled answer," Rebecca responded flatly.
"Do you think I should open my eyes now? They sting a lot less."
"Sure, YUGI's relation." Slowly he opened his violet eyes. Rebecca screamed.
"What's wrong?" asked YG.
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, YUGI's RELATION?" Rebecca screamed. "YUGI's relation, your eyes have turned CHIBI!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO breath OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" YG yelled. "It must have been the Bottled Friendship! I'm going to turn cute!"
"We'll have to work faster than I thought, YUGI's relation!" Rebecca decided. "TO THE YUGI MOBILE NananananananaNANA!"
The insanity will reign on for most of the fic. And next chapter is the return of the AC of Doom and the Pink Duck army! Finally! But don't worry, I'm far from done. I haven't put everyone in the nessecary troubles! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! See you next week everyone! And remember, reviewing is your friend!
PINEAPPLE!