Okay, this is the longest chapter so far, so don't expect another one for a while.

And to answer the never ending question, yes, Alex is comming back soon...very soon.

Thanks so much to all my many loyal reviewers. You guys are so great and I love your reviews. Thanks a bunch.

As their time together was winding down, so was the morale of the two females.

Currently, Mackenzie and Olivia were on their way back from the stable where they had just helped the Feds load up the two horses into a transport trailer. Olivia knew that it was affecting Mackenzie more than she let on because with the horses already on their way to their new home, Mackenzie was next.

"Hey, what do you say to going down to the beach today? The weather's pretty much cleared up and the forecast said its supposed to be in the upper nineties today."

"Nah." Mackenzie shook her head. "I don't really feel like going down there right now." She looked up at Olivia. "Maybe later?"

Olivia half-heartedly smiled. "Sure." A few more steps of silence and she took in a deep breath. You didn't need to be a detective to know that this was a touchy subject for the teen. "You know Mackenzie, I know you're anxious and nervous and worried about going into the program and meeting your mother, but we still have two full days and nights here. You should try to have some fun."

Mackenzie stopped dead in her tracks. "Try to have some fun?" She turned around so that she was facing Olivia. "Have some fun? That's easy enough for you to say. You haven't been given a prison sentence…" She began pacing. "You're not about to be shipped off to God only knows where and given a new name, history, home and family.

"You didn't have everything you know and believeto be true suddenly turned upside down and then had these people you don't even know, these people you've never even seen before, come in and tell you that you're whole life is a lie…

"When we leave here, you get to go back to being Olivia Benson, Detective, Manhattan Special Victims Unit. You get to go back to your life, your home, your job and your friends. While I, on the other hand, am going to be God only knows who, God only knows where and for God only knows how long.

"So don't tell me to try and have some fun while I'm dealing with all this shit. Damn it, I thought I could trust you. When you're faced with all that I'm dealing with, then you can come talk to me. Until then, just leave me the hell alone!" With that, Mackenzie took off and started running.

"Mackenzie!" Olivia yelled after her. She contemplated following Mackenzie back to the house, but she of all people knew what it was like to be overwhelmed, confused and in need of some alone time. So instead, she sat down on a nearby boulder and pulled out her cell phone.

She sat there for a minute going through her list of contacts. She didn't know who to call. She needed to have an adult conversation with someone and hopefully get some help on how to deal with Mackenzie.

Logically, she first thought of Elliot. He had one grown daughter and two teen girls at home, so he should be able to help. But then she thought about Kathy. During a conversation they had when Kathy had first left Elliot, she had made it perfectly clear that the lack of time she and her husband spent together because of the amount of time he spent with Olivia had given her the final push in her decision to leave Elliot. Even though Elliot never knew of the conversation, he and Kathy were having luck giving their marriage a second chance and Olivia didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.

'Maybe I can call and invite the whole family up here?' She thought. 'No, that would probably only make things worse.' She let out a frustrated breath.

She thought. She let out a frustrated breath.

'Abbie?' She is planning on being in New York for a while. But that probably wasn't a good idea seeing as her baby was due any day now. 'I should probably pick something up for him too.'

She is planning on being in New York for a while. But that probably wasn't a good idea seeing as her baby was due any day now.

She continued through her list of phone numbers. She could call Serena…or Casey. She thought for a minute. She and Serena had known each other for a while and are pretty close. She usually tells Olivia what was going on her life and since she hadn't told her about doing anything, she figured she would be a good person to call. She didn't have any kids and she was an only child, but she was a teenager at one point and she would certainly be able to help Olivia have an adult conversation.

'Maybe Casey would be a better choice.' Having three older brothers and two younger sisters, she had to know a thing or two about teenagers. But she has known Serena longer, so she went for the person she was more comfortable with.

It only took one ring before she picked up. "Oh my God Olivia."

Her voice shakey and labored, like she was crying. That immediately alarmed the detective. Serena was usually so calm and collected, no matter what the circumstances. Since Olivia has known her, she's only cried in front of her a handful of times. "Serena, are you okay? What happened?"

"S…She…I had to break up with her?"

"Who? Casey?"

"Yes."

Olivia was a bit taken back. The last time she talked with either of them, things were fine. Oh, how much one can miss in only a week. "Why? I thought you two were fine."

Serena blew her nose. "We were, its just…its just…" She sighed. "I can't go out with a closet case again. I can't. I won't."

Ah, now Olivia got it. Since Serena had started her new job at the Youth Help Center as a children's' rights attorney, she was out to the world. While she was working at the DA's office, he goals had been different. Like every other ADA before her and probably every other after her, Serena had her sights on the DA's chair. And since the citizens of New York would most likely never elect an openly gay DA, she had stayed in the closet while at work. Most of the other ADAs suspected she was gay, but they never said anything. Only a few really knew.

Now, she realized that there were more important things in life than trying to be someone she's not. During her time at the DA's office, she had only had one relationship. It was mostly out of fear of being discovered that she had stopped seeing the woman. But with her new job, everyone was supportive and she felt that a huge weight had been lifted by letting all her co-workers know.

So, when she saw Casey at the bar one night, they started talking. And from that, they had formed a relationship. Serena knew exactly what it was like to want to stay closeted at work, and Casey wanted to do just that. She would rather her bosses not know that fact about her personal life. Serena understood that all too well, but since working at the YHC, she had dated one woman, before Casey, who was in the closet and she had fallen pretty hard for her. It crushed her when she had to break-up with her, but it had to be done. Just as it had to with Casey. She couldn't take all the secrecy and lying anymore. She had done that for four years and she couldn't do it any longer. Even though it broke her heart, she had to break-up with Casey.

"Oh sweetie." Olivia soothed. "Why don't you come up and join us for our last couple of days."

Serena sighed. "No, I don't want to disturb the rest of your vacation. You two should really be spending this time together."

Olivia laughed. "Oh, you wouldn't be disturbing anything, trust me. Mackenzie is mad at me and you could really help me by coming up here so I'll have someone to talk too."

Serena contemplated it for a few seconds. "Okay…I guess it couldn't hurt to get out of the city for a few days."

"There you go. It'll make you feel better. And there's a karaoke contest downtown tomorrow night." Olivia hinted.

Serena laughed. "Maybe…Okay, well I'll head out now and hopefully I'll see you sometime tonight.'

"Then I guess I'll see you later."

"I guess so. Bye Liv."

"Bye."

Not wanting to play favorites, Olivia called Casey right after Serena hung up. "Hey Case, how are you holding up?"

Casey sighed. "You already heard huh?"

"Yeah. I just talked to Serena…How are you doing, seriously?"

"Seriuosly?..It hurts. Just because I don't want to go running through the streets yelling that I'm with a woman doesn't mean that I don't want to be with her. She's such a hypocrite. She did the same exact thing when she was still working her." She paused. "But the more I think about it, the more I realize that she's right. It's not fair to her. It's better that she be with someone who is as open as she is."

Olivia nodded. "When did it happen?"

"This morning. We were having breakfast at this coffee shop and she was just being too…well…out. I told her that I wasn't ready for that and she just lost it."

"She broke up with you right there?"

"Yep? Right in front of everyone. And not too quietly I might add."

'Ouch.' "Well, that's Serena for you. When she's hurt, she takes no prisoners. When someone hurts her, she'll get them right back. She's so guarded with her emotions that when she actually lets someone in and she feels that they betrayed her trust, she does the only thing she knows to prevent herself from getting further hurt. Its her defense mechanism"

"Yeah, that's what I figured. It just hurts you know. I think she's the first woman I've ever really liked. And I never wanted to hurt her."

Olivia waited a minute. "I know. It will get better, just give it time."

"I know."

"Casey, I know this isn't the best time, but…"

"You want to know how the trial is going."

"Yeah."

Casey sighed. "For the most part, its going pretty well. There have been a few bumps, but the defense is certainly having a worse time. Both cases have been rested and closing arguments are scheduled for next Thursday morning."

"Good, good. We're planning on being back home by Saturday afternoon, so we'll definitely be there for them."

"Good. It will help to have some familiar faces around."

"Well we'll be there…Look Casey, I'd love to talk, but Mackenzie is pretty upset with me and I should go talk to her."

"A word of advice detective, give her some space. She'll come to you when she's ready to talk."

Olivia nodded. "I'll try, but if she doesn't talk to me by the time we get back, its your fault."

Casey laughed. "Okay, I'll take the blame. But I guarantee that she'll be ready to talk by days end. See you in a few days detective."

"Bye Casey."

Seeing no one else to call, Olivia closed her cell phone and began walking back to the house. She opted to take the long way, stopping by a few little shops along the way, hoping that it would give Mackenzie some time to calm down and her some time to think of what to say to her once she did.

It was over an hour later when Olivia found herself within eyesight of the beach house. The sight of a strange car alerted the detective. She went over to the back of the unmarked grey van parked across from the house and knocked three times, waited a second, and then knocked again twice. After a little rustling from inside the van, one of the doors opened.

"Hey, who does that car in the driveway belong to?"

The older man peeled his eyes away from the video monitors and picked up a clipboard. "Olivia Benson."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "The other car."

"Oh well, why didn't you just say so?" He picked up the clipboard again and flipped to the last page. Okay - 2005 Sandstone metallic Chevy Trailblazer, license plate AGFF 6503 leased to an Abbie Carmichael. She was on your approved list, so I let her in the house. She says she's here to discuss a personal matter."

Olivia nodded. "How long ago did she get here?"

He checked the clipboard again. "Arrived at 1:02pm."

Olivia looked at her watch. "Almost an hour ago. Thanks Frank." She closed the door and jogged across the street. Mackenzie was just coming down the stairs when she entered the house. "Where's Abbie?"

"She's upstairs sleeping. She'd already been here ten-fifteen minutes by the time I got back. She wanted to wait for you, but she could barley keep her eyes open. I was finally able to convince her to lie down in one of the guest bedrooms…She was out in two minutes." Mackenzie sat down on the last step. "God Olivia, she's gotten so thin."

Olivia sighed. 'So I guess I'm back to being Olivia now. I must've really pissed her off.' She moved closer to Mackenzie. "Well, she was pretty thin before she got pregnant, so I wouldn't worry about it."

Mackenzie shook her head. "No, she's reallythin. Thinner than me…and I didn't have a baby nine days ago."

"That's just Abbie. She always freaks when she finds an inch of fat on her body."

"Its more than that."

"Well, maybe she's just stressing about the baby. Taking care of a newborn twenty-four/seven is hard work. Does she have the baby with her?"

"No." Mackenzie answered sadly.

"Oh, did she leave him with his father."

Mackenzie again answered in the negative.

Olivia was getting frustrated. True, she had never had a child, let along nine days ago, but she didn't think that if she had, she'd be too willing to spend any more than a few minutes away from said child. She's heard that during the first few months, new parents can't get enough of their new child. "Did she leave him with her family, friends?"

Mackenzie shook her head.

"Do you know where he is?"

Mackenzie looked up with tears in her eyes. "Sacred Cross."

Olivia only knew of two Sacred Cross'. One was a hospital and the other… "No." She sat down next to Mackenzie on the step.

Mackenzie nodded. "She went in a week and a half ago. Just for a routine pre-delivery check-up. To approximate the baby's height, weight and to check his head position.." She wiped a tear away. "..and heartbeat. Everything was fine up until then. The doctor approximated the baby would be about twenty inches and weigh between seven and eight pounds…Then she checked his heartbeat…and there was nothing. She tried a few times, hoping that it was his position or something, but is wasn't." She looked up at her mother with a tearstained face. "He was stillborn."

-Several Hours Later-

Olivia was there when Abbie woke several hours later. Mackenzie was right, Abbie had gotten tremendously thinner. She had lost all of the weight she had gained during her pregnancy, and then some. And, on top of that, she looked terrible. Dark circles underlined her puffy, bloodshot eyes. Olivia could only imagine hours upon hours of crying and not sleeping had been the cause. She would yell at her for not taking better care of herself later, but for now, she needed to be supportive. "Why didn't you call?"

Abbie sat up. "I didn't know the number."

Rule #1: Never lie to a detective. Especially one you've known for quite some time. "Bull. You have my cell number."

Abbie looked down and started fidgeting with her hands. "I didn't know what to say."

That was understandable. "Was there a funeral?"

Abbie shook her head. "No. It's hard to say things about a person you've never met." As soon as the last word was out of her mouth, she broke down and the floodgates opened. "And since he was never alive…" She couldn't even finish the sentence.

Olivia just sat there and held her. She held her and tried to push the whole world out. Throughout the course of the evening, she's held Abbie close, tried calming her with gentle, soothing words, cried with her and was just there for her. The crying finally subsided when Abbie had cried herself to sleep. Olivia laid her back down and tucked her in. Once she was sure that Abbie would be alright, she closed the door behind her and went into her bathroom to take some deep breaths and wash her face.

She didn't get it. Why was it always the innocent children that had to die - well, Abbie's baby had never technically been born, but still. In her job, she encountered all sorts of scum that didn't deserve to take another breath. So why was it that this baby, this innocent child, was not even allowed to take his first?..Some things just don't make sense.

After she was confident that she was back in control, she headed down the hall in search of Mackenzie. She had an apology to make.

She had no idea what would have happened if Mackenzie was stillborn. Alex would be undoubtedly different. Who knows what would have happened to her. She may never have decided to become a lawyer. Mrs. Cabot had told Olivia that Alex became a lawyer to help rape victims like herself and to be a part of a team that rescued kidnapped children like her daughter. She became a lawyer with the sole purpose of one day becoming SVU's ADA. If Mackenzie had been stillborn, it was quite possible that Alex and Olivia would never have met. She never would have laid eyes on the beautiful blonde-haired, blue-eyed attorney and immediately fell head-over-heals in love with her. She didn't even want to think of what life would have been like if she and Alex had never met.

And what if she and Mackenzie had never met? In the short time she had known the teen, she had experienced a kind of love that she had never thought she would ever experience. The love for a child. Her thoughts ran back to a day several years ago when she and Elliot were discussing a case.

"Sometimes I just look at kids, and I just think why? Why do it at all?"

Now she understood why. Because there was no measure to the joy they brought. Because they didn't have a care in the world. Because they trusted you so implicitly that you just can't help but fall in love with them.

Which brought her back to her current problem. She couldn't have Mackenzie stay mad at her any longer. She needed to get this girl's trust back and assure her that she was worthy of that trust. A few steps down the hall and she heard the soft hum of Rachel Yamagata emitting from Mackenzie's bedroom.

She followed the soft music into the room. Mackenzie was sleeping, or so she seemed to be. One look at the stereo proved that she was quite the actress. "Mackenzie Paige, I know you are not sleeping." Mackenzie didn't budge. "Come on Mac. The CD is only on the first track and I know for a fact that you don't fall asleep until the fourth or fifth…So try again."

A sigh came from under the sheets. :Why do you have to be a cop?"

Olivia pulled over the chair adjacent to Mackenzie's bed and sat down. "Because I'm so good at it."

"Yeah, I found that out the hard way." Mackenzie turned over and sat up facing Olivia. After a long silence, she spoke. "Look Liv…I'm sorry. O totally blew up on you earlier and I had absolutely no right or reason to. You have only been trying to help me since the moment we met. You're the only one who has ever given a damn about me and then I go and take my frustrations out on you." She shook her head. "I shouldn't have done it and I'm sorry." She took in a deep breath. "There's just a lot of stuff going an and…I guess I'm just a bit overwhelmed."

Olivia was impressed. She wasn't so sure that is she was in Mackenzie's shoes that she's be willing to forgive this easily. She got up and joined Mackenzie on her bed. "It's okay sweetie, it was partly my own fault. I haven't even stopped to think of all you're been going through. I don't exactly ace the sensitivity course that Cragen makes the squad take every year." This elicited a laugh from the young teen. "But I am here for you. If you ever feel that you need to talk about anything, I'll always be here for you."

Mackenzie nodded. "Thanks, that means a lot."

"Well you mean a lot. I just want to make sure that you know that you can trust me with anything. You can always come to me, no matter what's going on…Always."

"I know…You know, growing-up there was never anyone I could really talk to. Well, I mean, I had a few close friends that I trusted enough to tell stuff to, but no one I could really confide in…You know what I'm saying?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do…I'll always be here for you Mackenzie, never doubt that."

"I won't…Are you feeling ok? It isn't like you to act like this?"

"Like what?"

Mackenzie was at a loss for words. "Well, all…sentimental."

Olivia laughed. "Yeah sweetie, I'm fine. I'm just going to miss you." She paused. "So…is there anything you would like to talk about?"

"Geeze, you cut right to the chase don't you?" Olivia shrugged. "Well, there actually is something that I was meaning to ask you."

Olivia urged her on. "Go ahead."

"Does it bother you…I mean, do you…"

"Mac, just ask me."

Mackenzie shifted. "You don't mind if I call you 'mom' do you? I mean, I just kinda started calling you 'mom' without even asking."

"Its fine…I kinda like being 'mom.'"

Mackenzie smiled. "Good."

Silence once again consumed them until Olivia remembered Serena. She got up and put the chair back. "Well, I am going to go downstairs and you are going to go back to sleep."

"Wait, I have one more question."

"What?"

"Why did Casey and Serena break-up?"

"How did you even know that they broke-up?"

"Serena called when you were in with Abbie to say that she and I asked her how Casey was and she said they'd broken up."

Olivia avoided the question. "Why did she call?"

"Oh, she said that she couldn't make it up tonight, but would probably be here early tomorrow morning. Are you purposefully not answering my question?"

Olivia kissed her daughter on the forehead. "Yes. Now go to sleep."

-Next Day-

Olivia had already been up for an hour and had two cups of coffee when Abbie came down the stairs. The creek of the third to last step pulled her mind back to the present. "Hey Abbie." She checked her watch. It was only 6:37. "What are you doing up? I didn't wake you did I?"

"No, the coffee did." Olivia smiled and poured her a cup. "Thanks." She took a long, slow sip. "Ah…you have no idea how good this tastes."

Olivia looked at the label on the coffee can. "It's just regular coffee, there's nothing special about it." True, she had French vanilla, but Abbie had the regular stuff.

Abbie took another sip. "There is when you haven't been able to drink it for nine months." She put the mug down. "Liv, I want to thank you for last night. I know I just showed up on your doorstep and you, and Mackenzie, have been nothing but supportive…I just had to get out of New York. There was no one there that I could take to and I knew you'd be willing to listen."

"What about Adam? He is the child's father." She paused. "Does he even know?"

Abbie sighed. "Yeah, he knows, and no, I can't talk to him about it."

"Why not."

"Because he and I are no longer together."

Olivia just about spit out her coffee. "Abbie, you've just suffered a tremendous loss. Don't you think right now may not be the best time to be making this drastic a decision?"

"No. I think right now is the perfect time. Liv, without the baby I can think about what I want and what's best for me. Before it was all about what was going to be best for the baby…He was the only reason Adam and I were together in the first place." Abbie could tell by the look on Olivia's face that she needed to her the whole story.

She sat down on the barstool across from where Olivia was standing. "His conception is not something I'm proud of…I had just broken up with this woman I'd been seeing…" Abbie's preference for women was not unknown to the detective. That was why it was hard to picture her and Adam together. "I was drunk…I never wanted this baby. He was the only reason Adam and I stayed together." She paused. "I know what I'm saying sounds terrible, but in a way, I'm glad he didn't make it. I'm just not ready for a baby…And it wouldn't have been fair for him to be living with two parents that didn't respect each other, much less love each other. We fought enough without a child, I can only imagine how bad it would have gotten with a baby around."

Olivia sighed. She couldn't tell if Abbie was in denial, shock or of that was really the way she felt. But the look on Abbie's face said that she was speaking truthfully. She hated that an innocent child didn't have the chance to be born, but she truly believed that it was what was best for everyone involved. "So…did her have a name?"

"Yeah." Abbie nodded. "Ryan Henry. Adam wanted another 'A' name, but I didn't. So I picked Ryan and Henry after my father."

Olivia nodded and took another sip. She didn't know what else to say.

After Abbie could no longer take the silence, she spoke up. "So, where's Mackenzie? Her bedroom door was open and she wasn't in there. What teenager actually gets up before seven a.m. while on vacation?"

Olivia laughed. "Well not mine, that's for sure. Lexie woke her up, so she took her for a walk."

"By herself?"

"Yes and no. We both have our own protective details as well as a round the clock surveillance team. She probably went with Carrie-Agent Martin. Kenzie trusts her the most."

"Ah." They finished drinking their coffee in silence. As Olivia was putting the mugs in the dishwasher, she suddenly remembered something. "Abbie, you know Serena Southerlyn pretty well don't you?"

"Yeah. We went to law school together. Not to mention she took over my job, so we met a few times to discuss a few cases. Why?"

"Well, you know how she and Casey were going out?" Abbie nodded. "Well, they broke up and I suggested that she come up here for a couple of days. I told her before you came, so I hope that's alright."

"Yeah, of course it is. Olivia, this is your place and you can invite anyone here you want." She stood up. "I should actually get going soon anyway."

"Abbie Carmichael, sit your ass down. You're not going anywhere. There are four guestrooms, we have plenty of room for the both of you."

Abbie was about to protest, insisting that she didn't want to intrude, but as soon as she opened her mouth a loud barking beat her to it.

Olivia looked out the window to see Serena's silver convertible pulling into the driveway. "Serena's here."

"Serena!" Mackenzie said, running into the arms of her attorney.

"Hey sweetie, how's it going?"

Mackenzie pulled away. "It's going."

Serena laughed. "That good huh." Not wanting to be ignored, the minute the two stopped talking, Lexie jumped up on Serena, looking for some attention. "Well hello to you two."

-An Hour or Two Later-

After Serena was settled in, all four had decided to go down to the beach. But on the way down, Serena and Mackenzie caught a sigh advertising tennis courts. Needless to say, only two made it down to the beach.

"You know," Serena began as she hit the tennis ball over the net. "I hear they're having a karaoke contest downtown tonight."

Mackenzie hit the ball back. "Yeah, mom might have mentioned that once or twice."

"You sing." She ran to hit the ball and missed it by a mere centimeter.

"Yeah. I took a few classes over the years." That was an understatement.

Serena served the ball again. "You know who else sings?"

Mackenzie ran after the ball. "No." She missed the it and let it travel all the way to the back of the court. She took the opportunity to catch her breath. "Who?"