No I didn't die. No you're not dreaming (I think). CATAPULT TURTLE IS FINALLY UPDATING LIEK OH MY GOSH!
Sorry for taking so long. Since I updated early that one day, I'm updating really late. Fwee. This chapter isn't one of my better ones. I'm in a mood to read, not write and this one was really forced humor (except for the parts with Kaibaman). Here to respond to your reviews is Kaibaman (Bakura will respond one day):
Atem's Queen- Yep, I'm still Kaibaman. More of this really stupid story coming up
SilverChaosMageChione- Well, looks like Catapult Turtle forgot to give me a themesong. Better wait till next time when I get my ultimate weapon (allows 4-6 weeks for delivery). You say Asuka is my and Joey's daughter? So, who carried the baby? (This is what will ever confuse me about yaoi fanfics that end up with kids)
SilverChaosMageChione (once more!)- Actually, Catapult's taken up fangirling. Which I assume is hard to do seeing that she's nearly dead... (HEY YOU'RE THE 20TH REVIEWER! FWEE! OY! HURRAH AND SUCH!)
Pikpik246- (Blink blink) If you want me, I'll be playing in traffic...
Chapter 9: Return of the AC of Doom!
Kaibaman slouched in his unreasonably comfortable computer chair at the KC headquarters. Want to know why it was so unreasonably comfortable? Because it was made with parts regularly used for blankets. Thousands of men slaved over making it, almost all of which lost their lives as they struggled to complete this magnificent work of-
Oh wait, where was I? Oh yeah with my Kaiba-kun.
Anyway, Seto was watching the WGDs (World Galactic Debates) on his computer (illegally of course) as he tried to come up with a new plan to defeat those embarrasers. So far, he had come up with a list like this:
1.) Will make a list on destroying embarrasers.
And he had writer's block too. So he just watched the LCD like a mindless drone.
"WELCOME TO WORLD GALACTIC DEBATES!" an enthusiastic announcer who had thirty-nine cups of coffee in hand yelled. "HERE AT WGDs WE ARE DEDICATED TOBRINGINGYOUTHEMOSTCONTRIVERSIALDEBATESEVER!" The caffeine high announcer continued. "TODAY IN THE WORLD OF DEATH WITH PHARAOH NAME WITHHELD! AND ANCIENT SETO, WE WILL GOTHROUGHANOTHERDEBATE!"
Seto Kaiba sighed. His hand was now asleep. I mean it had a blanket, pillow, teddy bear and everything. Seto even read it a bed time story and kissed it goodnight. Anyway…
"TODAY WE WILL COVER A FEROCIOUS AND HIGHLYCONTRIVERSIALDEBATE!" the announcer went on, his eyes ready to pop. Ancient Seto glared at Pharaoh from his cloudy podium thing as Pharaoh name withheld for you people who haven't seen Pharaoh's Memories or don't know the story , who once lived in that Millennium Puzzle- you know you were there and I was there and there was pizza and we all had fun and got old and junk. "TODAY'S HIGHLY CONTRIVERSIAL DEBATE IS- IS IT THE PURPLE PEOPLE EATER OR THE PURPLE PEOPLE EATER? WE START WITH PHARAOH BECAUSE HIS NAME GOES FIRST ALPHABETICALLY AND WE DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY LIVES ANYWAY!"
"Thank you, thank you," Pharaoh said to his cheering dead people who used to be under his rule. "Well, I must say it's clearly a Purple People Eater. No kids' song would ever use such terrors as People Eaters!"
"What about Ring around the Rosie?" asked Ancient Seto. "That's a kids' song and it's about the plague! Therefore, it is the Purple colored People Eater!"
"You weren't EVEN around during the plague!" said Pharaoh. Ooh, that's true!
"Who cares?" growled Seto as he turned into comic effects he doesn't understand! And pulled out his Millennium Rod.
"Hey, you're not allowed to bring Millennium Items to the World of Death!" Protested Pharaoh, turning into those comic effects he doesn't understand!
"But you kept your Puzzle," retorted Seto. And well, Pharaoh did have that Puzzle around his neck.
"Yeah, but it's my ultimate fashion accessory," Pharaoh said. "And I'm a Pharaoh. I can do whatever I want!"
"Well, when you mysteriously disappeared due to effects I don't understand, I became Pharaoh, so I can do whatever I want!" Seto yelled back.
"Didn't think about that," Pharaoh murmured and Seto hit him on the head with his block of gold. "Ow! It's a Purple People Eater!" Pharaoh hit Seto in the head with his Puzzle.
"Ow! Purple People Eater!" Hit him with the Rod.
"Ow! Purple People Eater!" Hit him with the Puzzle.
"Ow! Purple People Eater!" Rod.
"Ow! Purple People Eater!" Puzzle.
"Ow! Purple People Eater!" Rod.
"Ow!" Puzzle.
"Ow, what was that for?" asked Seto.
"I just didn't like you that time," Pharaoh said back.
"NOW GUYS TAKE IT OUTSIDE!" the caffeinated announcer yelled. "CUT TO COMMERCIAL!"
"Hello," the cheap infomercial guy said. "Are you in desperate need to have revenge on your embarrasers?" Seto leaned towards the screen.
"Yes," he said.
"Are you so desperate you're writing a list?" asked the infomercial guy.
"Yes!"
"Is your name Seto Kaiba?" the guy went on.
"YES!" Kaiba yelled, shaking his laptop.
"Then HAVE WE GOT THE PRODUCT FOR YOU! IT'LL SAVE YOU THE TROUBLES OF REVENGE COMPLETELY! ALL FOR THE UNBELIEVABLE PRICE OF $999,999,999.999! Call at 1-800-THIS-NUMBER-DOES-NOT-EXIST or go to for this special offer! Order now! Supplies limited!"
Seto leaned closer to the screen. Yes, this was what he needed. It would save his plan. It'd get rid of those pesky insignificants! It was---
MEANWHILE, WITH TRISTAN AND DUKE (MUHAHAHAHA CLIFFHANGER!)---
"Man, YG's never coming back is he?" asked Tristan. "He must actually be working with Rebecca. Now what am I going to do?"
"You could always steal one of Yugi's friends, like Duke and keep him for ransom," Leaf suggested. Silence.
"Why didn't you say that before?" asked Yugi who was performing a number of highly advanced Calculus equations as he made his new textbook; Calculus 7 for the Distressed Soul Stuck in Boarding School.
"Didn't feel like it," Leaf answered.
"Oh, Duke," Tristan called giving him a VERY SCARY look.
"What?" asked Duke who had just raided the refrigerator for his protractor, which are very delicious with salt…
"Come here now," Tristan said. "I have a plan!"
"Finally!" Duke said.
But there was a knock on the door. Actually, it was more like something had knocked into the door. "I'll get it," said Yugi as he ran downstairs and opened the door. "GAHH!" There was a huge rumbling/stampeding noise as Yugi was sent on his back. Tristan, Duke and Leaf went down to survey the situation immediately.
"GASP!" gasped Duke.
"The Pink Ducks and AC of Doom have returned!" discovered Tristan. In front of him was his entire pink duck army, Yugi somewhere underneath, and his AC of Doom. Le gasp!
"Greetings, Master," the AC of Doom said politely as it walked- err scooted in and closed the door somehow.
"You can talk?" asked Leaf.
"Not talk- conversations are my specialty," the AC of Doom corrected as the Pink Ducks flew off for the bathroom after their long trip. "And you can talk too, this fic doesn't make sense and I learned a couple things while the Authoress forgot about me!"
"Where have you been?" asked Tristan.
"Oh, you know. Me and the Pink Ducks, we did a lot. Learned English, saved the Earth from world domination a couple of times, ate toast, stopped a cloning program that was going to restore Hitler, went skydiving, hooked up with a real cute dishwasher, went bungee jumping- everything you would do if the Authoress forgot about you for a lot of chapters."
"Oh," Tristan said. Awkward silence.
"So what are you doing here?" asked Duke.
"Meh. We have to do something in this fan fiction," the AC said, bored. "So, anyone to inhumanely stuff in here?" Then Tristan went all creepy on us again towards Duke.
"Yes, yes we do," replied Tristan, taking Duke by the scruff of his collar and somehow pulling him off of the ground with superhuman strength.
"Err," Duke said before being inhumanely stuffed in the AC of Doom.
"GASP!" Yugi shot up. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY FRIEND HAVE YOU TURNED EVIL LIKE OH MY GOSH I MUST SAVE HIM! 787687876868685!"
"Woah, that was easier than expected," Tristan said. "DUEL!"
"It's almost a shame I left my cards with Grandpa," Yugi said calmly.
"WHAT!" Tristan yelled.
"He said he needed them for some reason," replied Yugi.
"Guys?" Duke said from the AC of Doom. "I can't breathe in here."
"Now what are we going to do?" asked Leaf.
"Nothing to do but wait," Tristan said.
BACK WITH THE ONLY SANE CHARACTERS IN THIS ENTIRE FANFICTION---
"Hey Serenity, do you have the sinking feeling that we'll be thrown into another funky chapter only- multiple chapter sub plot?" asked Ryo as the helicopter stopped at the port at the first level of the actual apartment.
"Well, since you've said that and cursed us completely, yeah," Serenity replied, jumping onto the platform that led to the door that led to the apartment that led to Joey that led to being significant, that led to world domination. Or at least for Serenity.
As soon as they walked in, they realized that they had indeed been thrown into some sort of sub plot. On the wall was a neon sign reading "Welcome to the Tribe of Enlightenment!" A secretary sat there, playing poker with himself and winning fiercely.
"Hello?" Serenity said uncertainly as the secretary got a royal flush.
"Welcome to the Tribe of Enlightenment," he said distractedly.
"I thought this was an apartment complex," Serenity growled.
"Yup. The people who live here are members of the Tribe of Enlightenment."
Serenity and Ryo sweat dropped. "Joey never told me about this," Serenity managed to say. "Anyway, can we go through?"
"No," the poker player answered. "Not until you hear my beautiful poetic verses telling you your new sub plot:
A new plot you've been thrown in,
Do it for your chin,
Three tasks you must do,
Cuz I sez so dododosodooo,
Raindrops are falling on my head,
Not really dead,
This world is weird,
Wonder what Rebecca's doing,
Cuz raindrops are falling on my head,
Yeah."
"So, what do we have to do?" asked Ryo.
"Just got to go to three random guys' apartments and bug em for the stuff I put on this card," the secretary informed as he jotted down three things and showed it to them:
'You must find: What color doughnuts Pegasus prefers (from Alistar).
How many ducks Marik has (from Raphael).
The purpose of life (from Joey).'
"Wait a minute, why is Joey, the person we need to see one we need information from?" asked Serenity.
"Look, there's only four sad, sad members in our tribe," the secretary bursted. "That's why in order to get into the apartment you have to deal with our frinking sad sad lives. UTYUYTUYFGFHGJYGJYGUTY8969689!"
Serenity and Ryo just stared.
"Sorry, pent up emotions," the secretary mumbled, crying.
"Whatever," Serenity said.
MEANWHILE-
"Hey you're not going to cut us off this early, are you?" demanded Ryo. "I mean we got like ten seconds."
ER, UM MEANWHILE-
"Hey, don't you dare!" Serenity's voice droned out.
ANYWAYS, WITH OUR CHIBI OLD GUY AND OBSESSIVE PRETEEN---
Rebecca and chibifying YG sped in the Yugimobile at twice the legal limit to go exactly 0.23432111111 blocks to Tea's house, crushing every car in the process and breaking several world records. They hopped out, with Rebecca's ultimate deck in hand.
No with this deck she just couldn't lose. Nope. No way. Nada. Zilch. Chocolate Herrings.
The two burst in. "Gasp!" gasped Tea. "The stalkers know where I live!"
"Actually, we'd be terrible stalkers if we didn't know where you live," pointed out YG. Silence.
"PREPARE FOR FRIENDSHIP!" Tea screamed anyway, pulling out her bottle of friendship. She sprayed Rebecca and YG with plenty of force.
"I am unaffected!" said YG triumphantly. "Because I'm already infected, I can't be made worse."
"Darn it," said Tea.
"And I still have my special YUGI edition glasses," Rebecca pointed out.
"Double darn it," said Tea. "Well then… Uh…"
"Prepare to duel the mistress of YUGI!" Oh come on do I really have to tell you who's saying this? Are you this ridiculously inattentive? Forget you…
"But I don't duel," said Tea. "I'm the cheerleader who just sits around and is liked a lot. But dueling- tried it once and never again. I prefer Duel Masters over Duel Monsters, actually."
"You're sick," YG said.
"Yeah. Well, if I happened to be forced into dueling by the revival of British elk, I may change my mind. And just to help you, British elk live in the Pacific on the International Date Line." And Tea mysteriously disappeared. Actually, Rebecca and YG disappeared to the International Dateline by Tea's hidden powers of alchemy.
"Well, by YUGI, this sucks," Rebecca said on the funky island they were on.
"I know, it makes me look even more chibi," YG complained.
"Stupid sub plots should be shot by YUGI." And the entire world agreed with that one statement.
What a horrible way to end a chapter. Stupid return of writer's block…
Return of writer's block- I have plenty of books I'm itching to read. As Kaibaman said, I've taken up fangirling. Target bishie- Ed Phoenix of YGO GX! Mission: Failing miserably. But hey, he's cute (this sounds so frinking wrong). Oh well, expect an update next week. Or something. BLEFORO!
---ATTENTION ANZU HATERS AND THE GENERAL PUBLIC--- Anzu saves the entire series. True it is. It was HER idea of transferring the Pharaoh's name's symbols to Pharaoh by the hand holding thing, thus preventing Zork from taking over the world and twisting the world of Memories with our reality. ENTIRELY HER IDEA. Anzu is the series' saver. TAKE THAT TEA/ANZU BASHERS! MUHAHAHAHA, FEAR THE APRICOT!
See you whenever, Lovers!