Well, I'm not allowed to post responses to everyone's reviews anmore, but I can still tell you: I AM ALIVE! BE HAPPY FOR THIS UPDATE! Gosh, I've been so busy lately. I'm even illustrating a book cover (and I'm 13)! Too much to do. That's why this chapter has taken over a month to write. It's longer than the others. I have revived back for good! Expect at least another chapter before Christmas and of course, a Christmas special! In case you're wondering, Mustelids are creatures in the weasel family, including badgers, wolverines and ferrets.
Chapter 14: Attack of the Mustelids
WITH WHOEVER THE HAGSMIRE THIS STORY IS ABOUT---
"You know, I think I'll get my own motto," Tristan said to our incredibly bored friends who for whatever reasons didn't seem to mind the authoress is trying to lengthen this fiction by delaying Tristan's duel…
"Mottos taste good," YG said hungrily. "I'm going to order some pizza." I could have a bunch of luscious poetic prose of millions of descriptions on how velvety his voice was, but I won't so GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR!
Meanwhile, Serenity was watching an excessively gory movie, hoping to get some tips for her plan of world domination. "That was awesome!" Serenity exclaimed as some good guy fell off of a really tall tower and burst into flame just for that dramatic effect, before blowing up into oblivion.
Rebecca was bored. She hadn't moved in hours. She was intently staring. Then she burst into flame for reasons unknown before being tackled by an I.D. card. But still, no one seemed to care.
The AC of Doom was watching the same excessively gory movie as Serenity. At long last, Duke no longer screamed in terror. Some assumed he was dead, some say it was because Leaf had put forty layers of duct tape over his mouth. But the world will never know.
And Leaf herself was watching mysteriously well subbed episodes of YGO! She was mainly wondering, though if it was one of the horsemen of the apocalypse.
AND NOW TO- WAAIIT A MINUTE WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT SECTION? IT WAS LIKE SO SANE---
Oops. I forgot about the plot, actually…
WANT TO TRY IT AGAIN---
Maybe. Anyway, Tristan was eating a Pokeball that had been laid by a Golden Snitch when there was a faint knock. WHICH COULD ONLY MEAN INSANITY IS ON ITS WAY!
"We must set up the defense system at once!" Tristan screamed, immediately cutting the power for the TV and basically every electronic system except the computer.
"Er, why'd you cut off the power?" asked YG. Ah, a smart question at last.
"For that dramatic effect!" answered Tristan who suddenly burst into flame. "NOW TO THE COMPUTER!"
Yugi was already getting the badger song up. The door was cracking, a pale moonlight slithering out. I know. That was poetic! Because I said it was slithering out, but it's not actually a snake. Yeah. Metaphor to the max-o.
A foot stepped in. A cold chill seemed to cover the entire room. The rest of the owner came out. It was…
HARRY POTTER!
He looked like he had been chased for thirty-seven miles before running into several trees, then taking a wrong turn at Albuquerque and buying way too many pistols at the gun shop. Yes, your worst nightmare.
"He's not succumbing to the great BADGERS!" gasped Tristan.
"You have to help me," he said at once, taking his pistol and flinging it somewhere behind him, which hit a bird, that hit a car, that hit a mole, that got the black plague from the car, that exploded, that ended its species, that caused the earth to fall out of orbit, that hit Mars, that hit a random really big asteroid, that hit the sun, that hit a star, that hit a black hole, that hit another black hole, that hit the center of the universe, that hit some other universes that suddenly killed everyone in a dramatic explosion with nuclear mushrooms that messed up the order of life as we know it.
But hey, since when has life not been messed up?
"I've been chased by the fangirls!" he continued. "The only way I could get by was throwing Draco at them. They stopped for a while, but they're chasing me again! I need food, rest and-"
Tristan slammed the door before yelling "MAY GOD HELP US! THE ONIONS ARE COMING!"
The door opened again. Then it was shut. Then it was opened. Then it was shut again. And then…
You get the point.
But Harry used some very illegal spells and kept the door from slamming back. "C'mon, you owe me this!"
"We do?" asked Leaf.
"Well, no, but you should…"
"NEVER YOU FREAKY RED COAT OF A VEGETABLE!" Tristan yelled and slammed the door on Harry's wand. Oops (okay, not really).
For no peculiar reason, Hedwig landed on his arm. Harry opened the door again, a single tear drop falling. Could it be angst, tragedy, something better than this stuff which is worth your weekly dose of crack!
Pfft. Yeah right.
"Voldemort killed my parents," he added.
"O RLY?" asked the funky O RLY! Owl that pops up everywhere. There's even a YUGIOH RLY! One. Yup, owls were not made to have Yugi's hair.
"What do you mean, they weren't made to have my hair?" asked Yugi, coming dangerously close to err us I guess. "DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST MY HAIR?" I cannot tell a lie. Normally. I have nothing against it.
A random kamikaze watermelon flew into Yugi's hair. "Cool hair cut!" said a billion Harry Potter fan girls from the open doorway.
"That explains the draft," General of the pink ducks noted.
"Uh-Oh." But Yugi had nowhere to run!
Is this the end of our spiky head hero? Or will Tristan actually play a part in this fiction? Or am I just crazy? Oh well. The world will never know.
Well, until later in the chapter.
BACK WITH RYO AND SERENITY---
"Hey Serenity, I was wondering why you're here if the authoress put you earlier in the chapter," Ryo said. They had at last made it to Joey's room. Took 'em long enough.
"That's because I was watching the gory movie here, but the others were watching it over there," she said, knocking the door down with awesome ninja skills she picked up from watching Naruto. For no reason in particular, the door burst into flame.
They were hit with a blueberry cobbler. "HEY YOU!" yelled some monk- like guy. "You are on the Sacred Holy Ground Type Thing of the Blueberry Cobbler God! You must bow to the cobbler!"
They didn't realize they had walked on the top level. In front was a staircase. A long, long staircase going into the clouds.
Serenity pulled out the cobbler from her hair and threw the syrupy blueberries and pastry at the monks, who began worshipping it immediately. "Well, that was easy," she said, running up the stairs.
"Wait Serenity, what if it's a—"
A huge Block-Block from Mario appeared from the staircase, which Serenity crashed head on to.
"Trap?" finished Ryo. Of course, Serenity couldn't hear him. Neither would you if a poorly made 3D model was kicking you down a couple flights of stairs.
"Maybe there's a shortcut?" suggested Ryo. "Whenever we do things the right way, we find out there's a perfectly safe alternative way to get there. So why don't we look for that?"
On cue, a flaming phoenix appeared out of nowhere.
"Yo my G's, want a ride to the Gangsta Masta?" The phoenix asked, an iPod playing rap in its ears.
"Uh. Yeah." Said Ryo. They climbed aboard. And they made it to the top undisturbed, unless you count the random kamikaze watermelon that crashed into them multiple times.
"Here you are, Dawgs, I gotta get the newest albums of trashy music that pops my eardrums," the phoenix said as Ryo and Serenity slipped off. In front of them was a chair. It was sparkly gold. Not very well made compared to the chairs and thrones of ancient Machu Pichu (that's no typo- the great center of the Pikachu empire where everyone praised his cute pre-evo) and the Mayans (who rule!), but getting into the technicalities and speculations of how and why magnetics were practical to these seats, and why gold has constantly been esteemed are far too protracted for this typing session. I think I'll turn the nerd switch off now.
"Well, this is it," Ryo said.
"After this, Tristan's duel can't be stalled anymore," added Serenity. She poked the throne. The throne shuddered. Many badger assistants came from the shadows, snarling quietly.
"What bidding do you bring- a good one, a bad one or a mediocre one?" asked the closest badger. "Don't make us release the wolverines (they're scary)."
"Not the wolverines (they're scary)!" screamed Ryo.
"Ah, you didn't answer our first question! Now face the wolverines (they're scary)." Out of nowhere, a little box popped up, and in that box was another box, and in that box was another, and in that box was another box and in that box was Thylacine, and in that Thylacine was a box, and in that box was another box and in that box was a---
WOLVERINE (they're scary)!
"Grrr, I'm mad," the wolverine (they're scary) said. It looked just like a---
"HEY IT LOOKS LIKE A FERRET ON STEROIDS!" Serenity blurted out. She only speaks the truth. Have you ever seen a wolverine (they're scary) up close? All it is is one big ferret.
"Serenity, we're not allowed to endorse drugs on Bakura reminded.
"But- a –ferret-on-steroids!" she laughed at the wolverine (they're scary) who was trying to angrily slice off everyone's heads.
"ENOUGH OF THIS!" Legume. A kind of mushroom. Or something like that. Oh wait, where was I? Oh yeah, that voice came from the throne, and he was throwing legumes at everyone. That's right.
The throne swirled around to reveal---
BACK TO THE OTHER GUYS (HAHAHAHA CLIFFHANGER) ---
"DIE FAN GIRLS! DIE!" Yugi screamed, throwing Tristan at them and running into a broomstick several times inside the house. That's when it hit him (again, and again). Broomsticks could fly in Tom and Jerry. Why shouldn't it fly here?
"Forget you, gravity!" he screeched once more before jumping on and flying away in the night. WOW, that's gotta be the cheapest thing I've written so far.
MEANWHILE---
Thankfully, the fan girls didn't really care about Tristan. They squashed him lots. It's like the guard dogs that used to patrol the border of East and West Germany. It didn't matter if you threw them a ham, because they were trained specifically to attack people. Here, it didn't matter if you threw them a Tristan, because they were trained to attack whoever the specific group was after. And groups of Tristan lovers? O Pleez.
"HURRAY, I'M DEAD!" Tristan yelled as the fan girls followed Yugi. Wherever he was going.
BACK WITH KAIBA---
"Soon, my ultimate weapon, we will get rid of those insignificants and restore the natural balance to the world," said Seto, pushing his box (on wheels) up the hill to Yugi's house. The box said nothing.
"Oh shut up," Kaiba snapped as he continued up. Soon, he'd get his revenge.
BACK WITH THE DWARF HAMSTER---
The dwarf hamster twitched his whiskers in apparent disgust. Something was wrong with the machine spurting out episodes. Now, I'm not going to say dwarf hamsters are stupid. Let's just say they're a little on the challenged side.
"Squeak?" said the dwarf hamster. "Squeak squeaky squeaker squeak!" The hamster slowly sorted out a way to fix it. "Squeak!" It decided. It ripped out all of the cords from the machine. It still didn't work. "Squeak you!" It growled. Little did it know someone was making it not work. It was stealing power.
LE GASP!
I hope you enjoyed it. Boy, sure has changed over these 2 months. Happy after-Thanksgiving!