Chapter Six: Move Forward and Rewind
Disclaimer: I still don't own Prince of Tennis. Boo-hoo.
Author's Note: Here's chapter six! Enjoy! Remember, the complete Author's Note for this fic is posted in chapter one. But here are the warnings, summarized for your convenience: May contain spoilers/ shonen-ai/ not-shonen-ai/ please review/ Ryoma thinks flamers are "mada mada dane." Lol.
Aww, you guys are all so sweet! Thanks so much to all my wonderful reviewers. Every time I post a new chapter, I'm more and more amazed at how many people have stayed with the story so far. Wow. And the comments were so cute this time around! I loved them! (Especially chibiukyou! XD Thanks for your funny dialogue… I was dying with laughter! Now if only I could write a crack fanfic like that…) I just wish I could respond to all the reviews and personally tell you all how great you are. But you'd rather read the fanfic, right? Well, in that case, read on and enjoy! Let me know what you think of the new chapter, everyone!
Why did I run away?
Why did I lose everything I ever was, in favor of a broken promise?
I think it was… No, I know it was…
It was because I was sure that you'd come and find me someday.
…
Tezuka sighed, a long, quiet sigh that seemed as though it came from somewhere deep inside his thoughts. His eyes looked distant, as if he was looking at something miles away that he could never hope to reach. He hardly noticed Fuji and Oishi's synchronized greeting.
Oishi saw that look on Tezuka's face, and it made him almost eager to say what he had come to tell him… But Fuji started talking before he could even begin.
"So, how was it?" Fuji came up alongside Tezuka, eyes wide open and sparking with sky blue fire. "Was it hard to find? I'm sorry to send you on an errand like that…"
"It was no trouble," Tezuka said shortly, handing Fuji a package. He meant to pull away just as quickly, but the tensai firmly clasped his hands over both the package and Tezuka's fingers, keeping him from moving away.
"Thank you, Tezuka," Fuji said, every word full of the most insistent kind of meaning.
"You're welcome." Tezuka didn't mean to sound angry, but he couldn't quite look at those blue eyes without a chill going up his spine. It frustrated him.
"Tezuka," Oishi said suddenly, taking a few steps forward. The former captain looked up then, startled. He hadn't really comprehended the fact that Oishi was standing in Fuji's apartment, but the sound of that sincere voice was a welcome surprise that he hadn't expected.
"Oishi," was all he said in reply, but Fuji could see him relax at the sight of his friend. The tensai couldn't help frowning at the change.
"Tezuka, I'm sorry to show up out of the blue like this," Oishi began somewhat hesitantly, noticing Fuji's displeasure.
Tezuka just shook his head and walked up to Oishi, ignoring the other person in the room. "You know I don't mind. But I thought you had a seminar."
"I did, but I had to come here and tell you myself…" Oishi felt his voice trail off. This was no good at all. No matter what Fuji thought, he had to say it. Didn't he? He tried to continue.
"Tezuka…"
He looked at the slightly puzzled face in front of him, and he knew he had to say it.
…
"I'll come back, Buchou. I promise."
…
"Echizen is back in Japan," Oishi said.
…
Drowning.
Tezuka couldn't remember the days before he knew how to swim, but this was what it must have felt like. Five words, and he was swimming in all the memories of the past that he'd long since locked away somewhere in his mind. Five words, and he couldn't breathe. He was drowning.
Oishi could see that Tezuka wasn't about to say anything aloud, but he knew his friend well enough not to need a verbal response. He could see the reply behind those lenses, and it was full of emotion, the kind that Tezuka would never express out loud.
So Oishi continued, as gently as he could.
"I got a call from Momo this morning," he explained. "It was very sudden. They only just found out about it yesterday. Taka has seen him too. It seems… It seems he expected to see all of us there."
"Really?" Fuji interrupted suddenly, startling the other two. "So he really didn't know after all."
They didn't have to ask what Fuji meant by that. Of course they knew.
"Well, that's just like him, I suppose," the tensai continued, waving his hand as though it was to be expected. "The poor boy always was a little dense."
"Fuji…" Oishi tried to object, but Fuji keep talking in a light, airy voice, taking out a cigarette and lighting it casually.
"Now, now, Oishi, don't get all worked up. I didn't mean it in a bad way. He's a gem, really, of course. After all, that's what all the magazines are saying, aren't they?" Fuji smirked ironically. "He's supposed to be quite the looker, isn't he?"
He brought the cigarette to his pale lips and breathed in, letting the smoke out again slowly.
"I wonder if he's still as pure as the driven snow," he chuckled.
A flash of light came into Tezuka's eyes, and he turned his head, meeting Fuji's stare without flinching. That glare seemed almost to delight Fuji Shusuke, and he continued, talking a little faster but with just as much meaning.
"You know, it would be interesting to find out. And just think of how entertaining it would be to become the ultimate source of jealousy for all those raving fangirls…"
"You wouldn't dare," Tezuka said coldly, eyes smoldering. It was a statement, not an assumption.
"Oh, wouldn't I?" Fuji almost sang, his expression threatening. "And why not? Could it be because Tezuka Kunimitsu would be jealous too? But the question is… jealous of whom?"
Tezuka took three infuriated steps toward him, hand pulling backwards ready to strike, when Fuji breathed a puff of smoke straight into his face and changed the subject entirely.
"Say, Oishi? By any chance, do you know where our illustrious and honorable captain was this past week?"
Fuji Shusuke was intensely conscious of his own cruelty, and he stared straight at his target, searching intently for the effect it would have on him.
Tezuka's face slipped back into a blank, and he let his raised hand drop to his side, but there was still something of that spark deep in his eyes.
"No, I don't," Oishi answered slowly, looking confused. "Why?"
"Tell him, Tezuka," Fuji urged with a suppressed laugh, walking over to an ashtray and tapping the cigarette on the rim. Tezuka just watched the tensai, standing as still as a statue.
"It's not important," Tezuka finally replied, annoyed. "I was in Switzerland."
"Ah, not important!" Fuji absolutely cackled. "Oh, come now, Tezuka. He'd be so furious to hear you say that! No, Oishi, that's not all there is to it. You see, I consented to let Atobe borrow Tezuka during vacation, and that's where he was, to be precise… at the Atobe family vacation home in the Alps."
"You went to see Atobe?" Oishi asked Tezuka, genuinely surprised.
"I did," confirmed Tezuka to Oishi, though his stare was still firmly fixated on the tensai, who now seemed only interested in his cigarette and was ignoring them both.
"It wasn't that important," he continued pointedly. "It was just a visit for old time's sake."
Even though Tezuka said that, in reality it had been nothing of the kind.
…
"You're a failure, Tezuka. Do you know how deeply you've disappointed me? You're not the man you once were. And he would be disappointed, too. No, I say that, but the truth is, he wouldn't just be disappointed. He'd be devastated. It's such a shame, really. You could have followed him, you know."
…
"It wasn't important," Tezuka repeated, almost whispering. He was lying through his teeth and he knew it. But what could he say? That those words had stung him, that they'd pierced him like a knife through his chest? No, there was no use admitting it. There was no use in denying it, either. There was just… no use for it.
And that was why, even if Atobe was right, Tezuka couldn't do anything about it.
It was just no use anymore…
… Was it?
Liar. You're such a liar.
He heard the words inside his head, swimming inside the memories like a separate train of thought. But who was saying them? The voice was familiar, but he couldn't place it…
And so he pushed the words away, out of his mind, just like he did now with all the things that threatened to tear him apart. It was so natural to him by this point that it was easy to forget the pain those words held.
"Tezuka," Oishi spoke up quietly, a saddened expression on his face. "I only came here to tell you what I heard, and, well… I think I should go now."
To Tezuka's surprise, Oishi walked over to the door and picked up his travel bag, slinging it over one shoulder. He reached out and started twisting the doorknob…
"Wait, Oishi---!" Tezuka suddenly blurted out, attracting even Fuji's attention. Tezuka never spoke awkwardly like that. Oishi stood completely still, staring, waiting, confused.
For a moment, Tezuka thought he was somewhere else again, some place far away, standing in front of someone else waiting so expectantly for an explanation. An explanation for something he could never excuse, for something that could not be forgiven or forgotten…
He swallowed, hard, trying to find the words he wanted to say, somewhere deep inside him. And for a moment, he let all those things that he had locked away torment him. Yes, that was what he had to say. No, that was what he had to do.
There was no avoiding it anymore.
"I want to go back."
Fuji crushed the burning end of his cigarette between two fingertips, not even flinching. His icy stare was locked on Tezuka, devouring the figure of the former captain like a tiger tearing apart its prey.
You fool. Who do you think you are?
Have you forgotten, Tezuka? Have you forgotten why you left?
I swear I won't let you forget.
Not on your life, Captain.
"Really?" was all Fuji said, donning his infamous mask for the first time in the conversation. His eyes shut and the corners of his mouth tipped upward. "You're going back? Just to see Echizen? Well, that's interesting. I wonder what his eyes would look like now, full of tears…"
As though that were a conclusive statement and not an unfinished thought, Fuji turned his back on his guests and began to walk out of the room.
"Fuji, what are you saying?" Oishi demanded, tense. He felt torn. He didn't know whether he was happy or afraid at what Tezuka had said, but he certainly didn't like the voice Fuji was starting to use. No, he'd heard that voice before, and he knew the pain it had brought Tezuka already…
Tezuka only stared at the tensai's back, helpless. He already knew what Fuji was going to say. He could hear it echoing loudly in his mind, even before he began.
"You know he'll cry when he finds out why you don't carry a racquet anymore. God knows I hardly blame him. Poor thing…"
Oishi saw the light go out of Tezuka's eyes then. He saw it, right in front of him… He saw that imposing figure become a hollow shell, with no inner nobility, and no resistance to the defacing of his own will.
He saw it. Just like that time, just over a year ago…
And he could still hear that same voice in the background. The voice that had lured his friend into falling to pieces… Yes, that was the source of the nightmare that Tezuka had told him once, in a broken tone…
A beautifully cruel voice, like a white rose wrought with thorns…
"I would cry myself if I still believed in you like he does. Of course, I'm not such a fool. I can see what you've become. I can see it, and when he sees it too, then where will you be? On a one-way flight back to Germany? You'll return only to run away again, hmm? What an interesting thought, Tezuka…"
…
"I HATE YOU!"
…
Oishi's hands were shaking, but he just dismissed it as a minor side effect from the coffee he'd been drinking. It had been a double shot, after all… it was no wonder his hands couldn't stop shaking… and anyway he had to say it, for Tezuka's sake, to end this nightmare…
"I'll go back too," he said.
Even his voice was shaking. Honestly, what was wrong with him? This was stupid. It would be fine. He knew everything would be just fine… everything would be fine…
"Oishi?"
Tezuka just stared at his friend, shocked. Even Fuji whirled around, eyes wide open.
"What did you say?"
"I said, I'll go back too," Oishi repeated finally, after clearing his throat. His voice was firmer now, but very quiet and full of tension. "I'll go with you, Tezuka. I mean, if you want company."
…
"I HATE YOU! JUST… GO AWAY! GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK!"
…
The black and white film was rewinding, faster and faster, the grainy scenes flashing by so quickly that Oishi felt as though he'd lost his footing and was falling down a thousand miles a second…
"I'll go with you," he said again.
Fuji was still, completely frozen in place. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had expected Tezuka's sudden decision. He knew enough about the former captain's state of mind to know what effect the news would have on him…
… But this, this turn of events…
… No, the tensai would not have predicted this. Not now. It should have happened much earlier, if it was going to happen at all…
Well. In that case…
That was that.
"We're all going," Fuji said flatly, as though this was the most natural thing to say after such a disjointed conversation. He turned back around and disappeared through a doorway.
Drowning.
The gigantic wave had crashed upon the shore in full force, and like victims of a fatal hurricane, three figures flailed helplessly in the water, pulled back to the ocean again and again until breathing was impossible.
- - - - - - -
For the thousandth time, a short clip of a young man serving a tennis ball replayed on a somewhat dim television screen.
It caught the attention of the only person standing in the perfectly clean living room. The man walked over to the screen, staring intently as the boy's slim body leaned backward, ready to strike, and as it suddenly lurched forward again, racquet sliding across the ball with adroit skill.
He stared, and a strange sound came from his lips. It was like the hiss of a snake, abrupt, almost annoyed.
"That Echizen."
His eyes looked ready to bore two holes into the television screen. His companion couldn't help noticing this as he came out of the kitchen to hand his friend a glass.
"You look tense, Kaidoh."
There was no reply as the shorter of the two took the glass and, not even glancing at the strange color of the liquid inside, took a long draught of the thick concoction.
He frowned, but it wasn't from the questionable taste of the juice. No, he was used to that.
"Senpai."
Inui looked up from his own glass of juice, somewhat surprised. The tone of his companion was one that he hadn't quite heard come from those lips before, and he'd heard more than a few surprising things from him in the past.
"Yes, Kaidoh?"
"I want to see him again," the nineteen-year-old said finally, in a low tone. "That idiot called, didn't he? And that's why he called."
He nodded toward the screen, where Ryoma served the ball for the thousandth-and-one time.
"He's back," Kaidoh finished knowingly, eyes still fixated on the image.
Inui lifted his hand to his face and pushed up his glasses, unable to resist a small smile.
Just according to my data. 97.8 percent chance of guessing correctly. It never fails when it comes to him, does it?
He's so predictable. Of course, that's what I like about him.
100 percent.
"You want to go back to Tokyo then?" Inui said seriously. "You know who's there."
Kaidoh hissed again at that. Oh, he knew, alright.
"Yes," he replied, setting his glass on the table with a distinct thud. "I know that…"
He felt his hand clench tightly into a fist.
"But I also know that they'll want to come too. When they hear about it, I mean. I'm sure that idiot has blabbed it halfway around the world by now. And that…"
Inui watched his companion start pacing impatiently around the room. He could hear the frustration in Kaidoh's voice.
"You don't want that." Inui couldn't help sounding a little angry himself. "I know. I don't either."
"What are the chances they'll be there already, senpai?" Kaidoh turned to his roommate expectantly.
Inui just sighed. "You know I have no idea. Not anymore. It would be bad enough if it was just Tezuka and Fuji. You know my data about them was always full of holes. But I can't predict any of them now. Not even Oishi…"
"Forget the data, senpai," Kaidoh interrupted suddenly. "Let's just go."
Inui met his roommate's stare, and he couldn't help smiling again. He liked that expression on Kaidoh's face.
"You're right. We'll go."
- - - - - - -
Ryoma brought his straw up to his lips again, taking a long sip of the sugary brown liquid inside. He wasn't quite sure what he was feeling at the moment, but this wasn't quite what he'd been expecting when his senpais had offered to go out to lunch with him.
He was glad to see his senpais again, of course. But he didn't quite like how they were acting, not after all the things he'd heard in the past twenty-four hours.
But it wasn't as though there was anything wrong with how they were acting.
Which, in Ryoma's opinion, was exactly the problem.
He watched Eiji steal another french fry from Momo's tray, mischief sparkling in those dark blue eyes. And he noted Momo's irritation as he discovered that his friend had stolen yet another french fry, and he watched Momo get frustrated and crumple up his straw wrapper into a ball and fling it down the front of Eiji's t-shirt…
"MOMO!" Eiji was really getting annoyed now, still looking for the straw wrapper, which had already fallen down his shirt and onto the floor. He leaned over to pick it up and fling it right back at Momo when…
"Kikumaru-senpai?" Ryoma said suddenly.
"Huh? What is it, Ochibi?" Eiji blinked in surprise. Ryoma hadn't spoken much all morning, and the sudden interruption had startled him.
"Why don't you say it anymore?"
There was a pause.
"Say what, Ochibi?" Eiji looked extremely confused, as did Momo. "Say what, Echizen?"
"You know…" Ryoma trailed off. But their expressions were still completely blank. He sighed, realizing that the only way they'd understand was if he actually said it…
"Nya."
"Aww, you're so cute, Ochibi!" Eiji laughed, enjoying the effect of the famous tennis star being reduced to making cat noises. "Do it again!"
"Kikumaru-senpai!" growled Echizen, annoyed. "You know that's not the point!"
Eiji just giggled, looking more than ready to keep teasing Ryoma about his odd question. Ryoma was starting to think he'd never get any answers out of his stubborn senpais…
"Hey," Momo interrupted suddenly, looking as though he'd just remembered something. "I'll be right back, you guys. I need to grab some cash from that ATM machine."
He got up from the table and hurried out the door, giving his two friends a casual wave before crossing the street. Eiji looked stunned at this turn of events, and then angry. He glared at the back of his roommate through the huge glass windows of the fast food joint.
That Momo… he did it on purpose…
"Kikumaru-senpai," Ryoma began again. He didn't like the expression on Eiji's face, but he had to know the truth. "Kikumaru-senpai, please tell me…"
Eiji couldn't look Ryoma in the eyes, but he didn't turn away either.
"Tell you what, Ochibi? What do you want to know?" he said finally, as if surrendering.
"Kikumaru-senpai…" Ryoma hadn't meant to lower his voice, but he found himself speaking softly, almost afraid of asking his question out loud. His senpai, just for a moment, had looked as fragile as glass. It actually scared him, in a way that gripped his heart and wouldn't let go.
Should he even ask…?
"What happened to Oishi-senpai?"
He heard himself say it, and even he was shocked at his own audacity. It was cruel to ask it. It must have been. That look in Eiji's eyes said so. It was the worst kind of cruelty…
And yet Eiji's voice was light, unattached.
"What about Oishi?"
Ryoma was stunned.
Gold was the most precious of all metals. It was malleable. It could bend. It could be hammered into every kind of shape.
But it could not be shattered.
And the Golden Pair was shattered.
Ryoma knew it now. He knew it for sure. Those three words had said it all. They'd spoken of a world of hurt that had led to nothing but apathy.
Eiji had said the name of his former partner perfectly coldly, and with perfect pronunciation. (1)
"Kikumaru-senpai…"
Ryoma's voice betrayed some of the hurt he was feeling, and even Eiji was surprised.
"Ochibi, what's wrong?" Those blue eyes held nothing but innocent confusion. And that much was just like Eiji. But then why was nothing else like him? Why was the spitfire redhead of Ryoma's memory who tackled him daily, and grinned like a maniac, and made noises like a cat, and jumped around and called his partner 'Tasty,' of all the crazy, stupid things…
Why was he gone?
"Kikumaru-senpai, what happened?" he demanded, his voice shaking slightly. He was glaring at his senpai, and he knew it… But he couldn't help it. This was just wrong. Horribly, painfully wrong.
"What happened to Oishi-senpai? And why won't you talk about him? And why, for God's sake, won't you just say 'Oishii,' like you always do? What's wrong with you, Kikumaru-senpai?"
He hadn't realized that it wasn't even a question he was asking anymore. It was an outright rant. But this was ridiculous. Gold didn't shatter. It just didn't. And if gold could shatter, well then, in that case why was he even on this stupid little island…?
"Why, Kikumaru-senpai?" His voice sounded strangely loud in his own ears.
The silence that followed was even more painful than the words he'd spoken.
"Why?" Eiji repeated at last. "Why? Why what, Ochibi? Oishi is gone, okay? He's in England, in case you haven't heard. He left over a year ago, you know. And you know what else? It's no big deal, Ochibi. I've talked to him since then. But I don't call him that name anymore. Like it or not, I'm going on twenty years old, and sooner or later, I have to stop using all of those childish nicknames."
"You still call me Ochibi," Ryoma mumbled, trying to calm down.
"Because you're still Ochibi," Eiji said frankly, finally looking Ryoma straight in the eye. "But Oishi isn't 'Oishii' anymore."
"What do you mean by that?" Ryoma snapped.
Eiji stared at his former teammate intently, and spoke slowly, as if he really wanted Ryoma to understand.
"If you saw him now, you'd know what I mean. He's not the person that you're thinking of. Not anymore. And that's why I…"
Eiji had started out bravely, but he was starting to waver now, and he blinked quickly, trying to stop his eyes from watering. After all, he was going on twenty, and he didn't cry anymore.
"Kikumaru-senpai, I'm sorry."
Ryoma had seen those tears, even though his former teammate had quickly blinked them back. Somehow, knowing that it really had hurt Eiji… It brought the pieces of his world back together, and he was able to speak reasonably again.
"But what happened to Oishi-senpai?" he asked again, more gently. "You don't have to answer, Kikumaru-senpai, but still…"
"I wish I knew."
Eiji's answer was perhaps the most surprising news yet. How could he not know what happened to Oishi? Of all people, Eiji should have known.
"I have no idea," Eiji continued, almost as though he was talking to himself. "I have no idea what happened to him. But you know what? He wouldn't look at me anymore by the end. He just… didn't want me around anymore. And I was hurt… I was hurt, and I was angry. I yelled at him when he left. I told him to never come back."
Eiji could still remember that day. He could see Oishi in front of him, telling him it would be alright. That everything was going to be fine.
Liar.
"I didn't want to see him ever again. But I got over it, I guess," and Eiji shrugged slightly. "Not seeing that look in his eyes everyday… I started to forget how much it hurt. I still wish I knew why he started to hate me, though. But that's just it. I'm sure he must have hated me… Why else would he look at me like that, with those eyes that don't have any light in them, with those eyes that just stare like you're the worst thing in the world and you should just go away and never come back? And so that's what I told him… Never come back."
…
"I HATE YOU! JUST… GO AWAY! GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK!"
…
"I think I wanted to see him hurt," Eiji murmured. "Just for a second, just so I could see he still cared, you know? But by that time, I couldn't see it anymore. I don't think that even if he was hurt I could have seen it. Not then. We were strangers by then. He'd been like that for months, and I didn't know him anymore. And so… that man… That man is Oishi. 'Oishii' doesn't exist anymore."
Eiji reached out and crumpled a hamburger wrapper in his hand.
"And that's it," he finished decidedly, wadding the paper into a ball and sticking it into the empty french fry container. "That was 'tasty,' right?"
He half-heartedly chuckled at his own pun, getting up from the table and walking over to the trash can. Ryoma watched him shove all of his garbage down the crammed disposal shoot, and then rub his hands together dismissively when he was done.
"Well, that's that," he declared. "Now, we should go find Momo-chin."
"What about me, Eiji-senpai?" Momo asked, suddenly appearing right behind his roommate.
"Oh, you're back?" Eiji responded almost offhandedly. "What took you so long?"
He already knew, of course. But he could be a liar, too. He could be a fake just as much as anyone else could. And of course, everyone else was. So he would play along too. He didn't have to be the only transparent one. No, not Kikumaru Eiji…
"Actually, I just got the strangest phone call," Momo answered hesitantly, much to Eiji and Ryoma's surprise.
"A strange phone call? From who?"
It was then that they both noticed how dark Momo's eyes had become.
"From some old friends. They want us to meet them at the train station in an hour."
Eiji glanced at Ryoma, and their eyes met. But it couldn't really be those people…
…Could it?
It was Momo who answered their unspoken question.
"It's Inui-senpai… and that guy, too. They're coming back to Tokyo."
- end of chapter six –
Footnote for the Perplexed: (1) Normally I wouldn't have made such an obscure reference become such a pivotal part of a scene, but I felt it was important here, so I went with it, lol. I'm sure most of you already know about this, but just in case… The whole 'Oishi' vs. 'Oishii' thing is a reference to Eiji's pet name for his partner. Eiji pronounces Oishi's name wrong on purpose and makes it into the Japanese word for 'Tasty,' which I find completely adorable. Hence all the angst about the fact that he doesn't use the nickname anymore, and also the particularly painful pun at the end. :P Personally, I find it very touching and sad, but if you don't, well, I don't blame you, lol. If I wasn't such a PoT nerd, I'd probably just find it darn confusing myself.
A/N: Whew! XD Sorry I didn't release this chapter earlier today, but I had a hard time with the first scene and getting the flow just right in a few parts. Oh, and technically today's my birthday, so all afternoon I was out with my friends, lol. But I was thrilled that I was able to finish it tonight, so I hope you all enjoy it! Finally we're getting to some of the angst, and getting closer and closer to a complete Seigaku reunion. And you better believe I'm excited. It's only going to get better. At least, I hope so, anyway! I've got some big plans for this fanfic, so I just hope I'll be able to keep it up until the end. (Lol, did you all like the brief reference to Atobe in this chapter? Yeah, I just couldn't resist giving him a cameo appearance, so to speak. He's such a great character!)
Thank you so much for all your encouragement, everyone. It really warms my heart to know that so many people care as much about these characters as I do. Gaahh… I love Seigaku. I really do. Well, please let me know what you think of the chapter! And I'll have the next one up by Monday. Yay!
Coming Up Next: Ryoma comes face to face with two more of his former teammates, and finds himself being warned of an event that is just around the corner…But why are his friends warning him about Tezuka's return? There's an ugly secret that no one's told him yet… a secret about the pillar himself. And the truth is, Ryoma may not be ready to discover it.