Whee! I didn't die. I promised another chapter before Christmas and I just made it wipes brow Phew! Now onto the story, Christmas Special's coming sometime tomorrow:

Chapter 15: In Which Something Happens

The dwarf hamster began nibbling through the cords, causing very small and painful shocks to be sent up his little furry form (kids, don't try this at home!). Of course, rodents don't really do well with negative reinforcement. Or positive, for that matter. Right now, the hammy was getting tons of negative, since electrons are negatively charged particles.

LET US FOLLOW THOSE WIRES TO A MACHINE---

There was a machine. Taking energy. From the wires…

AND WE FOLLOW THE MACHINE'S WIRES TO A (I NEED A NEW JOB) ---

And there it was! How could anyone not see it! In all of its glory!

And now, I, Catapult Turtle, will reveal…

It was a jet. And on it were the two evilest minds imaginable. Yes! I have not forgotten Al Kahn and Roger Slifer!

"When are we going to Japan?" asked Slifer loudly.

"When we suck enough power from our own base and have enough free reward miles from Visa credit cards," Kahn said EVILLY!

"That's really cheap," a random Harry Potter fan girl said aloud outside.

"I know," Kahn said, and immediately turned her into a Cabbage Patch Kid using an ash tray.

"What's not cheap about us? We reuse voice dubbers, make edits that would be done better by a four year old, cut out stuff, find the moldiest dialogue around and generally suck like our weird machine."

Al Kahn's phone rang. And rang. And rang again. Then he picked up the phone. But it still rang. Then he opened the phone. And it stopped ringing. "Hello?" said some guy on the other side of the line, but for security purposes, we'll just call him Mr. Ramirez.

"What is it now?" he snapped. "We've been stuck in this plane for like 9 frinkin' hours. Do you have enough miles now?"

"Uh, actually, about that…" he said. "We got so many miles; we decided to move to China. We are currently very happy, are married and are starting families. So, uh, bye forever, Princess." And then the other side of the line went click.

"NOW WE CAN'T GET TO JAPAN!" Kahn said, with a real death grip on the obvious.

"Why don't we just god-mod our way there?" asked Slifer.

"Have you been on Runescape?" Kahn growled.

"No, that's actually an RPG term. When n00bs decide to give themselves ultimate power and kill everyone and the plot. I do it all the time!"

"Then let us god-mod!" Kahn said, and they god-modded their way across the Pacific Ocean and into tomorrow- Japan!

WITH SERENITY AND RYO---

Yes! They had made it to Joey. They stared at him. He stared at them. They gawked. Then there was Little Red Riding Hood, but since she made her house of straw, the mean old witch was thrown in the oven. Wait, wrong story. Or stories. Whatevah.

"And now we will find out the meaning of life!" Ryo said. "Painlessly!"

"You've cursed it again," Serenity muttered as a boot suddenly appeared out of nowhere and attacked.

"Silence fools!" Joey declared. "I am now the holder of infinite knowledge."

"I thought you were an idiot," Ryo said, confounded.

"SHUT UP!" he yelled, pelting Ryo with a few goobers and hairbrushes. "I was once an idiot. NOW I AM AN IDIOT WITH INFINITE KNOWLEDGE!"

"Glaux help us all," Serenity muttered. "We just need to ask a frinkin' question. If that's so frinkin' hard to do, why don't you frinkin' go frinkin' murder yourself so I frinkin' angst?"

Ryo turned to Joey. "She has problems," he affirmed in a whisper.

"Oh."

…

"So," Ryo said.

"So," Serenity said.

"So, what is the meaning of life?"

Joey gasped. "Why hast thou forsaken us in our purity!" he gasped.

"That's from Guardians of Ga'Hoole, book 2!" Serenity screamed. "THAT WAS TEH MAJOR SPOILERZ! IT BASICALLY REVEALED THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE SERIES IN ONE SENTENCE!"

"I am High Tyto!" Joey insisted. One of his penguin guards hit him in the back of the head with a tomato. You may not know this so allow me to explain:

Once upon a time, Little Red Riding Hood was asked by her mother to bring some custard to her elderly Grandmother, since Hoody often got herself in trouble back home. On her path, while picking a bouquet of flowers, the Big Bad Wolf came out and hit her in the head with a tomato. Her body swelled until she became a bloodthirsty manticore, which had the power to make Wolfy into solid gold. He was sold on eBay (highest bidder was swiperman8963335). She ate the custard (it's how she obtains her gold-turning power) and turned the forest into gold, before selling it on eBay (highest bidder this time was bettathanu6778). Later, the scientists held a convention and tested the manticore. Their results were inconclusive, as they were all turned into gold and sold to K-Mart, which was nearing bankruptcy. You know. Manticores have a very strong attraction to K Marts. Then, Cho Chang, a fictional character from the Harry Potter books (first appears in book 3, Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban, falls off a conveniently placed freakishly high ledge in book 8, Dobby House-Elf and the Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Ordinary Bedside Lamp) declared that some guy said it was in Hoody's genes. Hoody's jeans have been repeatedly checked, so the true cause is a mystery. Only incredibly stupid humans can possess this ability. Some say, the blondes become Metal Beak, an evil owl from the Guardians of Ga'Hoole series, about a band of owls who have to save all the kingdoms and stuff like that.

Thus, Joey was swelling. Or anti-swelling. With a pop, he became a fully fledged Barn Owl with a metal mask and beak. "I am HIGH TYTO!" he shrieked.

"You're an idiot," Serenity pointed out.

"I have all answers. My purity is BETTER THAN YOURS!"

"Then what is the purpose of life?" asked Bakura. So close---

"The purpose of life," he boomed with a metallic clack! "The purpose of life is to find your purpose in life!"

Insert ANIME FALL here. This machine does not accept credit cards. Please call 8447- 686237- 3637- 668- 39478 (THIS- NUMBER- DOES- NOT- EXIST) for assistance or further details.

They anime fell so long, the front guy who was just being ugly and weird came up. "You have completed your tasks," he said.

"Wait, how do you know that?" asked Ryo.

"He's like a video game," Metal Beak explained. "He isn't very smart, but once you find the answer, you don't even need to type it in or anything; when you go to him he just knows."

"Yeah, that's pretty much it," agreed the front guy. "You may now challenge High Tyto to a duel!"

"FINALLY!" Serenity yelled. "Then I can win, and we can go to Tristan, and then take over the world (forget the "we" part on that one) and we'll be so happy---"

After the Christmas special…

"Yup, just after the Christmas special," she droned. "WAIT A MINUTE! What Christmas special?"

Have a Merry Christmas! It's next chapter.

"What! After all that hard work we have to break into a Christmas special! I'm OUTRAGED! You can't do---"

BELIEVE ME I CAN, NOW FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER…---

Christmas special is coming up! it's going to be a long one though...