Chapter Eight: Fool Me Twice
Disclaimer: I still don't own Prince of Tennis. … despite all wishing to the contrary.
Author's Note: Here's chapter eight! Huzzah! Remember, the complete Author's Note for this fic is posted in chapter one. But here are the warnings, summarized for your convenience: May contain spoilers/ shonen-ai/ not-shonen-ai/ please review/Karupin uses flamers as scratching posts. Lol.
Thanks once again for all the reviews! They've been so encouraging. But… my heart bleeds for all of you who have been affected by this story and find it painful. T.T I'm so sorry, everyone! I usually only write happy fluff fics myself, so I understand your pain. I offer this one assurance… this is not a deathfic and the ending will be, at the very least, bittersweet. I'm also sorry for all the suspense… I really am writing this story as I post it, so I don't mean to keep you all waiting, but well… college homework and all that… Anyway, be sure and tell me what you think of chapter eight! Hopefully you'll start seeing some hints at what is going on and why.
If I lied once, I lied a thousand times.
And somewhere along the way…
The lie that I don't love you became the truth.
Because if I loved you, I'd never hurt you like this.
…
Fuji Shusuke could still hear the whispers in that high school hallway two years ago, playing over and over in his head. The voices weren't exactly malicious, but they were relentless, suspicious, awe-struck…
They were the voices of those who had heard that he quit the tennis club at the start of his senior year…
I heard he was jealous of Tezuka. That he couldn't handle always being second best.
No way! I heard they were best friends, that they hate playing each other.
Best friends…? Ha, I doubt it. There's something too weird about that relationship for them to be 'just friends'…
No way! That's disgusting! Besides, wasn't Fuji dating that girl a while back…?
Yeah, dating her, and then he dumped her like a rock. One of his friends hit him for that one. You can still see the bruise.
And did you hear what happened to his brother? An awful situation…
Whatever. That was probably Fuji's fault too. He was always showing off and making his brother feel inferior.
… Those voices that would never stop talking, that were completely out of his control…
Would they ever be quiet?
He took another long sip from the glass in front of him, and the world in front of his eyes began to blur. The voices, too, started to fade away into nothing, and he could relax again. He was past the painful part, the part just before the alcohol set in, the part where all his ugly memories crowded into his mind at once and screamed aloud for acknowledgment.
Now he was in the soothing state of numbness where he was completely aware of everything around him, but incapable of being hurt by any of it. Incapable of feeling pain. Yes, that was the reason he drank, on occasions like this one. It was too risky to leave the hurt unchecked, to let it eat away at him inside.
Otherwise he'd say something that he'd truly regret.
Like that one time…
No, he obviously hadn't had enough yet. Not if that was still on his blurry conscience. He gulped down the rest of the glass and tried to recall his train of thought.
Good. It was gone.
"Fuji."
There came that voice, through his garbled consciousness, that voice that would have normally reminded him of all the pain of the past few years. Except that now he was much too drunk to remember the past, so instead, he allowed himself to be acutely aware of how that deep voice sent a pulsing sensation of pleasure to his brain.
"Yes, Tezuka?" he said, in a tone that was completely clear and sounded very self-aware. He had become a master at hiding it when he was intoxicated, and only someone who knew him very well would have been able to detect the unusual lightness in his voice.
"You're drinking too much." Of course, Tezuka knew him very well, so naturally he could tell already.
"Oh, don't be silly," and Fuji smiled calmly, letting his eyes focus in on the former captain's face, a face that looked perfectly well-defined even in Fuji's currently fuzzy reality. "I'm alright."
Tezuka had to admit, all in all, that lately Fuji was much more pleasant to be around when he was drunk. He was starting to wonder if alcohol was some kind of defense mechanism on the part of the tensai, to hide something that he was unable to deal with. Although what that could be in this case, Tezuka didn't know.
Either way, he did know that Fuji acted more like he used to be when under the influence. And that, though Tezuka would never admit it aloud, was a guilty pleasure for him.
Of course, he was unsure at this point whether he really felt that way, or whether that was his own shot glass talking.
He hadn't meant to get drunk, of course. But he'd consented to accompany Fuji to a bar, trying to be agreeable, and in the meantime, he'd let Fuji's trickery get the best of him.
Damn that Fuji.
Was it always going to be like this between them?
… What was it like between them?
As usual, Tezuka couldn't answer that question, especially not now that his thoughts were getting all mixed up. Whatever game they were playing, captain and tensai, the two of them had never agreed on the rules, and each always got the distinct feeling that the other was cheating, taking unfair advantage of the other.
Tezuka knew he felt cheated. But he also knew that most of what he blamed Fuji for, in his state of drunken annoyance, was not really the tensai's fault.
No, for most of it, he had no one to blame but himself.
Especially not that one time…
Tezuka would have taken another sip from his glass, but he didn't think he could get his fingers around it by this point without the risk of looking extremely stupid. Besides, for him, it never helped to try to forget the past with alcohol. No, it only made his mistakes more painful, and he would usually wake up with a new sense of guilt the next day for a fresh batch of mistakes he'd made overnight.
And he wasn't going to do anything like that again. Especially not now, not on a night like this…
Not on a night where he was supposed to face his conscience tomorrow and look him right in the eyes…
… Right in those shining gold eyes…
Oh, God…
Please don't let him see me. Not like this.
"We should go home," he murmured suddenly, not even thinking about how it was Fuji he was addressing. "Oishi's all by himself."
Fuji was silent for a moment, as though he was processing what Tezuka had said.
Then he smiled again calmly, and responded in a perfectly alert voice, "Ah, yes, you're right. But I did offer to him to come along. He's angry with me, though."
"Why… by the way, is that?" Tezuka remembered that he had wanted to know what had passed between the two earlier.
"Oh, well, you see, I was reading that notebook of his. I'm afraid I was rude," Fuji admitted, maybe a little too lightly, but with what seemed to be genuine remorse in his voice. "I don't mean to go overboard, but he does make me so angry sometimes…"
"You know that it isn't his fault," Tezuka interrupted huskily.
"Ah, well, from your point of view, anyway," Fuji promptly agreed, a beautiful smile still on his face. "But I can relate to his situation better than you can. And I know he could have done something entirely different."
He paused for a moment, thinking.
"Something that wouldn't have made Eiji cry, you know."
Tezuka didn't seem to hear Fuji's remark, instead rising slowly up out of his seat.
"We should go home," he said again, staring very intently in front of him, but not really seeing anything there.
"Hmm?" Fuji sounded as though this was the first time he'd heard the suggestion. "So soon? Well, I suppose we could. I don't mind."
And the tensai stood up too, looking perfectly sober, and caught the attention of the bartender. He addressed the man using perfect French, saying, "Excuse me, sir, I'd like the check, if you please."
"Ah, yes, of course, monsieur," the man nodded, turning around to print a receipt.
While he was handing the man his credit card, Fuji turned to Tezuka and observed, "You look a little tipsy yourself, Captain."
"I'm alright," was the somewhat gruff response. Fuji just looked at him for a moment, and Tezuka knew he couldn't tell what that expression in those blue eyes meant if his life depended on it.
"Alright then," came the brief reply, coupled with a smile, as Fuji pocketed his receipt. "But let me know if you need an arm walking back."
The cool night air was a sudden change from the heat and noise of the bar, as the two walked outside to head back to Fuji's apartment. The change of atmosphere cleared Tezuka's head somewhat. As bad as he was at holding his liquor, he usually knew himself well enough not to get dead drunk, and he recovered quickly.
With Fuji, on the other hand, it was impossible to tell just how drunk the tensai was at any given time. It was also impossible to tell how long the effects remained with him, since he was so good at hiding it and since his behavior when intoxicated varied as much as his behavior when sober…
Which was why Tezuka had no idea if the slightly slower pace Fuji was taking was a result of the alcohol, or perhaps because something was on his mind.
"What's wrong, Fuji?" he said at last, trying to sound completely collected.
"Ah, nothing, Tezuka," came the cheerful reply.
There was a moment, or maybe several minutes, of complete silence between the two, filled with traffic noises and the faint sound of talking.
"You know, I never meant to hurt you."
Tezuka stopped walking, trying to figure out who had said it, and then realizing that only the person lagging behind in his footsteps could have spoken those words.
"What are you talking about?" He knew it wasn't just the alcohol that made this statement confusing. Well, at least, not on his end, anyway…
"I mean, when I told you, that time, that I was leaving," Fuji attempted to explain, slowly, deliberately.
But Tezuka interrupted him.
"That was a long time ago, Fuji."
The tensai stopped in his tracks and looked up, past the buildings of Paris, up to the night sky where stars were sparkling.
"Yes. It was a long time ago," he agreed quietly, staring upward. "But that's what happens, when you decide to face the past. You remember things like that… things you shouldn't have said…"
…
"What do you want, Tezuka? Is this all you want from life? Is this really it?"
…
Tezuka shook his head, frowning, involuntarily gripping his concealed left arm with his right hand.
"That wasn't really your fault," he argued, voice distant. "That was mine."
Fuji kept staring up at the stars, a thoughtful expression on his face. A slight wind from the east began to ruffle his hair, and he blinked.
"Mine… yours… Maybe. Who knows?" His blue eyes took in the starlight with an ethereal effect. "The stars keep shining anyway."
For the first time in the conversation, Tezuka looked up at the sky himself. The feeling of glancing upward gave him a distinct sense of vertigo, and he took a few steps toward Fuji without thinking.
"The stars shine anyway, and here we are," Fuji added, almost in a whisper. Tezuka looked down again, and their eyes met.
It reminded Tezuka of other times, other nights spent walking to the very same apartment, other looks from those blue eyes that seemed to beg to be noticed. But it was nothing like those times at all, those times where intoxicated emotions were stronger than reason, those times where they'd said a thousand ridiculous things, things they weren't even sure if they meant.
No, it wasn't like those times, because Fuji kept talking, instead of allowing the moment to linger in silence.
"Here we are," he remarked again, almost cheerfully now. "We've done nothing but walk in circles, haven't we? Well, there's no help for that. I had my chance."
He took Tezuka by his right arm and began leading him down the street again.
"It's his turn now," he said, further confusing Tezuka's thoughts, which tried to make sense of all the cryptic remarks and failed utterly.
Above the buildings of Paris, a star trembled in the heavens, reaching for the bright moon before falling to earth. And Tezuka Kunimitsu and Fuji Shusuke kept walking.
- - - - - - - - - -
As soon as Inui and Kaidoh followed Ryoma down the stairs, Eiji came running up to them, looking somewhat perplexed.
"It's no good," he called out. "I can't find Momo-chin anywhere."
Inui smiled slightly and glanced at his roommate. "Looks like you managed to scare him off for now, Kaidoh."
"Fssssshhhhhh," hissed the snakelike teenager with a grimace. "That idiot… He's up to something."
"Up to something, senpai?" Ryoma repeated, sounding confused. But Kaidoh just shook his head, glaring.
"Well, I'll try to give him a call," Eiji said, taking out his cellphone and dialing a few numbers. "If he doesn't answer we can just…"
The redhead was interrupted by a voice on the other line.
"Ah, Momo? Yeah, it's Eiji. Hey, where are you, you moron? You just ran off…"
There was a pause, during which Eiji looked surprised.
"In an hour where? Why? … Well, okay. I guess so. Oh, he called you? Uh-huh. Okay, I'll take them there."
With that, Eiji hung up and shrugged.
"Apparently, Momo and Taka decided that we're all going to have dinner at Taka's place tonight. And it's on the house, too."
"Really?" Ryoma was somewhat incredulous. It sounded more like something out of the old days, like those celebrations they'd used to have after tournaments, than something they would be doing now that they were older. Still, he had to admit he liked the idea. It had been awhile since he'd had really good sushi.
"Yup," Eiji confirmed cheerfully. "Does that sound good to you, Ochibi?"
"Sure." Ryoma couldn't resist a smile, and Eiji heroically refrained from once again latching onto the shorter boy. Honestly, Ryoma was just so cute…
"Did you say you were going to take us there, Kikumaru?" Inui inquired after a moment.
"Oh, yeah, we should get going, even though it's a bit early." Eiji glanced at his watch for a moment. "It's pretty far from here, after all. Do you guys mind carrying your luggage?"
"Not at all," Inui answered for the both of them, shouldering his giant bag again as though he really could carry it all day long.
As they walked the whole way from the train station to Taka's place, Ryoma couldn't help noticing how he had to take more steps than his senpais to keep up with them. Even though he'd grown quite a bit from his preteen days, he couldn't help feeling like he would always be small next to his former teammates. Especially Inui. The data man was well over six feet tall and had been ever since the age of fourteen. Ryoma had seen even taller people, but he didn't think there could be any more imposing than Inui, with his thick glasses that hid his eyes from view.
And then there was Kaidoh, who was much taller than he used to be, a fact that made Ryoma feel even smaller. Kaidoh was almost as intimidating as Inui in appearance, and his eyes certainly weren't hidden, which meant that he could shoot glares at people that almost seemed capable of tearing them in two. Still, Ryoma knew better than to be afraid of this particular senpai. He was a good guy at heart, and it seemed like that hadn't changed… no matter how absolutely livid he seemed toward Momo now…
… Why was he so angry at Momo? Ryoma had already heard that they didn't even confront each other with their anger anymore.
But what could have caused them to become so furious that they now avoided each other entirely…?
Much later, with the sun just beginning to head toward the western horizon, Ryoma found himself walking down the same tiny sidewalk that he had arrived at the night before. The four of them were welcomed into the sushi shop by Taka, who had been waiting by the entrance with a friendly smile.
"Hey, you guys, come on in," he said, sliding open the front door with one arm and gesturing inside.
"It's been awhile, Kawamura," Inui remarked amiably. "You haven't changed a bit."
Taka just laughed. "Well, neither have you, Inui. Nice to see you, Kaidoh."
"Hey," was all Kaidoh said, but he nonetheless looked more relaxed than he normally did, as if he was happy to be back in such a familiar place.
As for Ryoma, he couldn't help feeling rather out of place. He was suddenly very aware of the fact that these were friends who had spent five years together while he'd been gone. These friends still knew each other so well that, even though they had been apart for some time, they were all perfectly at ease with each other. In contrast, he felt like a complete stranger, and that these friends he'd once known had become strangers too. It was an uncomfortable feeling, one completely unfamiliar to Ryoma. And he almost wondered why he cared so much.
He almost wondered, but he didn't. He already knew why.
"Hey, Echizen, come sit over here," Taka said, gesturing to the tennis star, who had unconsciously held back from following them.
As he sat down, Ryoma noticed that Momo had suddenly reappeared next to them all, with his usual carefree smile that seemed to disregard his absence. "So, did Echizen behave himself, Eiji-senpai?"
"No, Ochibi was a terrible little boy," Eiji teased with a grin. "You should punish him for being bad, Momo!"
"Kikumaru-senpai, what in the world did I---" But Ryoma's protest was interrupted by Inui's sadistic suggestion.
"I could make the new version of Inui Juice for him."
"NO!" Ryoma was genuinely scared. He only faintly remembered what those nightmarish drinks had tasted like, and he didn't relish the idea of being reminded again.
"Well, there's always the sushi method," Eiji offered, chuckling. "We could make him eat wasabi sushi. You know, just like Fuji used to have!"
Ryoma would have protested again, but suddenly, the thought of the tensai sitting and eating wasabi sushi made all the old memories from past celebrations come flooding into his mind… and he felt his throat tighten up again, with the vague image of all those happy faces, faces he never knew he'd miss so much…
"Echizen? Are you feeling alright?" Inui suddenly asked, interrupting his train of thought. "You look maybe about 12.8 percent ill."
"12.8 percent ill?" Momo repeated, laughing. "Inui-senpai, what in the heck makes someone 12.8 percent ill?"
"Actually, it usually means that…" But Momo interrupted Inui's attempt at explanation, exclaiming, "Never mind! I don't even want to know."
"You are okay, aren't you, Ochibi?" Eiji looked concerned, which was an expression on the redhead's face that Ryoma wasn't familiar with.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied, hoping they wouldn't inquire any further about it. And luckily for him, the conversation took an entirely new turn when Taka sat down to join them.
"Hey, you can eat with us, Taka-san?" Momo looked surprised. "You don't have to help out?"
"Yeah, it's okay for tonight, since it's not so busy," Taka answered, smiling. "We have more help than we used to around here, after all."
"Oh, yeah, how's the new assistant?" Eiji inquired amiably.
"Pretty good. My dad's happy with him, which makes my mom glad, too. Since after all he's getting older now…"
"He's still asking you for the date, isn't he?" Momo grinned mischievously.
"What date?" Ryoma was confused, especially when Taka blushed at the comment. Everyone was giving each other very knowing glances, and Ryoma was intensely conscious of being the only one who didn't get the joke.
"Oh, Echizen, I guess we never told you," Eiji finally responded, eyes sparkling. "Taka-san is engaged."
"Engaged?" Now Ryoma really was surprised. Why hadn't they mentioned this earlier…?
"Yup, he's engaged!" Eiji repeated cheerfully. "To this girl named Kimiko Hoshina. She was in the student council in high school and got to know all of us pretty well. And she's really pretty, too!"
"Wait… Was that the woman who was here last night?" asked Ryoma suddenly, remembering the girl who had left as soon as he came in to the shop the night before.
"What? You better not have been cheating on Hoshina-san, senpai!"
But Taka interrupted Momo's facetious exclamation with a nod and the reply, "Yes, Echizen, that was her."
"She looked at me kind of oddly," Ryoma murmured absently, still recalling it.
"Ah, well, that's because she knows who you are," Taka quickly explained with a chuckle. "I've told her all about you, you know."
"Oh, that's why." Now Ryoma understood. After all, complete strangers often recognized him, and in this case, it made perfect sense. He thought for a moment.
"She was pretty," he said at last. He couldn't resist giving his senpai a grin. "Nice going, Kawamura-senpai."
"He was quite the smooth operator," Inui noted. "I don't mean any offense, Kawamura, but it was rather soon after the breakup, wasn't it?
Breakup?
Ryoma noticed Taka's expression grow serious, even sad, but he managed a friendly smile all the same.
"I guess it was," he replied, rather slowly.
"What breakup?" Ryoma couldn't help asking. He wasn't sure what to think of that look in Taka's eyes. There was a moment of silence, and Inui just coughed, not answering. It was Momo who finally spoke up, frowning slightly.
"Hoshina-san went out with Fuji-senpai during the spring of their second year."
"With Fuji-senpai?" Now Ryoma was really confused. He didn't know why, but that sounded odd to him. Having already seen the girl, she didn't really strike Ryoma as Fuji's type… although the more he thought about it, the more he just didn't see Fuji as having a "type." He didn't seem like he'd be the kind of guy to date during high school, somehow.
And yet, apparently, he had dated this girl… and broken up with her…
He had a distinct feeling that he shouldn't ask about it, that it was a touchy subject. And so he stopped himself from inquiring further. But, strangely enough, Momo kept talking, even though Ryoma didn't ask any more questions.
"Actually, there were a lot of rumors about Fuji-senpai and Hoshina-san at school," Momo continued, almost lightly, as though he was just sharing some friendly piece of information. "Rumors that Hoshina-san had liked him since freshman year. And that he started dating her just for the heck of it. And that he hit her sometimes…"
"Momo!" Taka looked actually angry by this point.
"Well, it was true, wasn't it, Taka-san?" Momo shot back. "You knew more about it than anyone else. And you're the one who punched Fuji-senpai in the face when you found out that he broke up with her…"
"Momoshiro!" Inui interrupted sternly, eyebrows furrowed.
Ryoma couldn't believe what he was hearing. He thought maybe he was dreaming… a very strange dream… a nightmare, even. This didn't sound right at all.
Taka would never, ever hit Fuji. They were friends. Really good friends, who were always looking out for each other. He wouldn't do something like that to him.
… Would he?
… But why would Fuji abuse a perfectly nice girl?
No, this was all wrong…
It was all wrong… and Ryoma was distinctly aware that the look in Momo's eyes was wrong, too. His eyes were clouded, his face tense, even though his voice sounded almost detached from the situation. What was going on with Momo, anyway? He was acting nothing like the carefree guy that Ryoma had been friends with in junior high…
"It's okay," Taka said at last, even though his hands were clenched tightly and his eyes sparking. "It was a bad situation, I know. But it's in the past. It doesn't do any good to dwell on it."
"It wasn't your fault anyway," Eiji murmured, expression almost distant. "It was Fuji's. He was asking for it. He was being so cruel to her..."
"That's not true, Eiji," Taka protested, still frowning. "It wasn't really Fuji's fault."
"I still can't understand how you could say that, Kawamura." Inui just shook his head. "It had to be Fuij's fault. There's no one else to blame. And yet you always say that it wasn't him."
"Well, it was him, but… I mean, you shouldn't blame him like this when you don't really understand…" Taka trailed off, a sad expression on his face.
"What is there to understand?" Eiji looked confused, maybe even upset. "He was so cold to her. She even cried right in the hallway once."
"Look, Fuji had a lot going on during that time," Taka finally explained, somewhat slowly. "You know that his brother quit high school and started playing in the minor circuits back then. And his family wasn't too happy about it…"
"That's true," Eiji agreed softly. "Fuji did seem very upset about that."
"But you still hit him," Inui objected, arms folded. "You seemed to think it was his fault at the time…"
"I lost my head," consented Taka sorrowfully. "I know I did. And I know it didn't help Fuji at all. In fact, it's probably one of the reasons that he left."
"Fuji-senpai didn't leave because of a girl," Momo interrupted, almost smirking. "He's not like that. It doesn't make sense."
"What are you saying, you idiot?" Kaidoh suddenly spoke up, almost growling. "It's not like you know why he left!"
Momo met the gaze of his rival then, staring straight into those glaring black eyes without flinching.
"Oh? Do you know, Viper?" he mocked, almost viciously. "Do you know why Fuji-senpai left? Do you know why Tezuka-buchou ran away to Germany? Do you? If you do, then go ahead, enlighten us!"
There was a pause filled with so much tension that it seemed to Ryoma like the room would break. He'd seen the animosity between those two before… his memory of it was still quite vivid…
But it paled in comparison with the hatred he saw in Kaidoh's eyes as he stared at Momo now. The mere sight of it made his stomach twist in knots.
Finally, Kaidoh looked away, and the tension disappeared. He didn't respond to Momo's taunts, or even make that familiar hissing noise. He just… did nothing. Nothing at all.
Was that what it was like between them now? It gave Ryoma chills.
"Momoshiro," Inui said at last, looking frustrated. "You know that none of us know why Fuji and Tezuka left. You shouldn't taunt him like that."
"None of us?" Momo repeated, speaking in a strange tone that Ryoma didn't like. "Oh, I see. None of us here know anything about it, right? But there is someone who knows…"
"Momo-chin, you're being stupid," Eiji spoke up suddenly, frowning. "It doesn't matter who knows. The point is, we don't, so there's no use talking about Fuji or Tezuka now."
"Ah. I see. Well, then, you must think we shouldn't tell Echizen about Tezuka-buchou, in that case. That makes sense. After all, what good could it possibly do him to find that out?" Momo shrugged, like it was all a matter of course and he'd given up.
Ryoma felt his heart skip a beat. What---?
"Find what out?" he asked, trying to keep his voice even.
"Momoshiro, you know that's just speculation," Inui objected. "We don't know that for sure."
"Oh, of course, you're right…" Momo trailed off lightly, sounding decidedly unconvinced, only to be interrupted by Ryoma.
"Don't know what, Inui-senpai? What are you talking about?"
Inui looked at Echizen for a moment. Then he sighed.
"I guess there's no help for it. Echizen, there's a rumor circling around about Tezuka that you haven't heard yet…"
…
"Echizen! Become Seigaku's pillar of support!"
…
"Let's not get careless, everyone."
…
"I have no doubt of it. You will be on top of the world."
…
"Tezuka doesn't play tennis anymore," Inui said.
It's a lie.
The Tezuka that Ryoma knew could split the sky. He could make the impossible happen. He could do anything, even shock a listless twelve-year-old out of apathy and make him into a pro.
It has to be a lie.
Tezuka could fall, too, of course, but the one thing that Tezuka could never do was stop getting back up again. He had spent months in rehabilitation in Germany, taking the time to completely recover from a career-threatening injury, just so he could keep playing tennis.
It's a LIE!
"Buchou would never stop playing tennis," Ryoma retorted blankly. "It can't be true."
"Perhaps not," Inui readily admitted. "But what is true is that there is no record of Tezuka Kunimitsu entering, winning, or losing a single competitive tennis match or tournament since our third year of high school."
"It is strange," Taka added. "It sounds nothing like Tezuka, does it?"
"At least we know that's not because of a girl," Eiji sighed.
"No kidding it's not," Momo interjected, a grim smile on his face. "Tezuka-buchou didn't date a single girl during high school. Wasn't that how he wanted it?"
"Well, that may be true," allowed Inui, adjusting his glasses. "His attitude during high school did seem to suggest it was by his own preference. It wasn't like there was a lack of hopeful candidates…"
By this point, Ryoma didn't even hear a word that was being said. It was like he was somewhere else, somewhere far away from Japan, somewhere outside of the reach of time itself. He saw in front of him that shining figure, that imposing presence, telling him to stand up, giving him that familiar command…
"Echizen, become Seigaku's pillar of support!"
He saw that man, that man that he remembered so well, that golden light that still shone in his memories…
Was that man gone?
No. It had to be a lie. Ryoma was sure of it.
Gold could shatter. The sky could fall. But a pillar of support did not crumble.
It just didn't.
Momoshiro glanced sideways at Ryoma, looking at the vacant expression in his face. And his violet eyes grew dark, but he said nothing.
- - - - - - - -
An angel came to me last night.
He said I was going to die.
…
I think it was you who said so.
Oishi let the pen drop out of his hand as his fingers went limp. He didn't know how long he'd been scribbling across those apathetic sheets of paper, and his mind was in too much of a haze to read what he had written.
But he knew that, whatever it was, it was painful. It always was, on nights like this, when he was along in a dark apartment with no one but himself there. Then his words always came out in fragmented thoughts, with strange images and metaphors that hardly made sense to him afterwards.
He didn't mind writing when he was doing it during the day. Sometimes, he even wrote something that would make him smile, remembering happier times when he hadn't been so alone.
But during the night…
Oh, how he hated the night…
He could never sleep, not until the thin, weary hours just before dawn. And if he tried to lie down, he only had the ugliest kind of nightmares, the empty kind where you fall down a black hole just before you jolt awake. So most of the time, he would write, trying to forget his darkest thoughts. And when he fell asleep, it would be at his desk, with his head against his notebook.
But now, his thoughts were still going a mile a minute in a frenzy of anticipation. He knew he wasn't going to fall asleep. Not now, not on the plane…
Oh, God…
The plane…
He was shaking now. He felt cold all over, like he sometimes did on midnights in the dead of winter. Except that it wasn't winter, it was summer, and he was in Paris, and it wasn't cold…
But inside, Oishi was sure he was frozen solid.
He glanced down at the page, trying to read what he had written, and it made him want to cry.
You are like the angel.
Except that death would be kinder
Than your condemning eyes…
…
Tomorrow.
- end of chapter eight -
A/N: Whew! I wanted to post this chapter on Thursday, but I had to do some editing to make sure it made sense, lol. I guess that's what happens when you write three kind of disjointed scenes. So… yeah… Now I'm making both Momo and Fuji sound evil. Dangit. They're really not! I promise! XD Gaahhh… Fortunately I should get to explain all that pretty soon here. In the meantime, I'm probably going to get comments like "What the heck? Fuji beat up a girl?" and "Taka would NEVER hit Fuji! EVER! Sacrilege!" … Trust me, I know, it doesn't make any sense yet. But it will! Really!
(Although by now I bet you all are like… "Yeah, whatever, she says that in every AN, and in every chapter it just gets more and more messed up…")
I have a plan! I swear! XD Well, anyway, I'll shut up now, since I know you'd rather have more chapters than useless commentary. The next chapter should be up around the end of the weekend or so, with any luck. Well, please let me know what you thought of chapter eight!
Coming Up Next: Eiji and Momo take Ryoma back to their apartment, where Eiji finds a message waiting for him… Plus, Momo gets a phone call that confirms Inui and Kaidoh's suspicions. Are all the Regulars really going to be together again after five years? And after five years filled with more than their share of secrets, is that really something they all want?