Chapter Thirteen: For Every Action
Disclaimer: I still don't own Prince of Tennis. Duh.
Author's Note: Here's chapter thirteen! Remember, the complete Author's Note for this fic is posted in chapter one. But here are the warnings, summarized for your convenience: May contain spoilers/ shonen-ai/ not-shonen-ai/ please review/flamers will be smacked with tennis racquets. Lol.
Whew, it's finally chapter thirteen! Ironically enough, this is the perfect chapter to go with such an unlucky number. (You'll see why soon enough…) Well, I hope you enjoy it, everyone! And thank you so much, once again, for the amazing reviews. I'm still kind of shocked that so many people are still reading it, lol. Okay, on with the fic! Let me know what you all think of chapter thirteen!
Tonight, I will make you understand…
I will make you face the nightmare we've been living.
Yes, tonight I will tell you who is to blame…
Are you brave enough to face it?
…
"Okay, I'm opening the door."
"You've got him, right?"
"Yeah, I've got him... Really, what was he thinking?"
A few stray murmurs suddenly caught Eiji's attention. He'd been sitting in the chair by the couch, flipping through a random magazine, when he'd noticed voices in the hallway. He heard the door open, and suddenly, there was Inui, Kaidoh, and Ryoma, standing in his doorway. And Inui was supporting Momo, all but carrying the younger man, who looking distinctly confused.
"Ya know, ya don't hafta carry me like this," Momo was mumbling, very inarticulately, with the syllables strung together as though he had forgotten how to talk.
Eiji blinked in surprise and stood up from the chair, coming over to his former teammates with a stunned look on his face.
"Is Momo-chin… drunk?" He looked as though he couldn't believe it.
"Hiya, Eiji-senpai!" Momo waved somewhat crookedly at him, confirming Eiji's suspicions, even apart from the distinct smell of alcohol that was lingering about him.
"He is drunk! Momo! What were you thinking?" Eiji hissed, looking completely taken aback. He would have yelled at his roommate for being so stupid, but of course, he didn't want to risk waking up Oishi with the noise.
"Something happened, Kikumaru," Inui attempted to explain. "I don't know exactly what, but… Fuji had something to do with it."
Eiji fell silent then, looking at Momo's extremely unfocused expression. He didn't quite know what to think… But somehow, if Fuji was involved it didn't surprise him all that much.
"Kikumaru-senpai, where's the bedroom?" Ryoma asked suddenly, glancing at the side passage to his right and ignoring a random giggling fit on the part of Momo.
"It's down that hallway, Ochibi," Eiji answered simply, looking slightly perplexed. "Why?"
"I'll take him in there," Ryoma explained briefly. "He should probably lie down. He can't walk straight anyway."
"I can too!" Momo protested indignantly, suppressing his own laughter and pulling away from Inui's grasp. He took one step forward and instantly veered to the left, until Ryoma gently took him by the arm and directed him down the tiny passageway to the other room.
"Where are we going?" Momo asked in a rambling voice, looking confused.
"You're going to bed," was Ryoma's frank response. For a moment, Momo thought about this, processing the answer. And then he grinned stupidly and chuckled, in a strangely high-pitched tone.
"You're not coming with me?"
"Momo-senpai, you're drunk," said Ryoma simply, as he turned on the light in the bedroom, only to reveal an even more cluttered space than the front room.
Carefully stepping in between the sea of disorder on the floor, Ryoma led Momo over to one of the unmade beds. Despite his best efforts, though, he wasn't able to stop Momo from tripping over the debris, and next thing he knew, Momo collided into him and caused them both fall down onto the mattress with a thud.
"Um… Momo-senpai…" To say the least, Ryoma felt slightly awkward, finding himself pinned underneath his much bigger friend.
There was a pause, as Momo tried to lift himself up, and then stopped trying, lying back down again on top of the tennis star without a word.
"Momo-sen---" Ryoma was going to try again to get his former teammate's attention, when he heard him start mumbling something, talking into Ryoma's shoulder.
"You know, I'm not stupid."
"Uh… what's that?" Ryoma asked, deciding to play along with whatever Momo was babbling about. He could faintly feel Momo's warm breath against his shirt, and that muted stench was starting to make him wonder just how much alcohol Momo had been drinking.
"I'm not stupid. I knew this was going to happen."
Momo's voice sounded strangely clear now, despite being muffled by Ryoma's clothing.
"What are you talking about, Momo-senpai?" Ryoma couldn't help asking, confused. It felt very strange, to be having a conversation with Momo while they were just lying there like that, in such an awkward position… But Ryoma suddenly got the distinct feeling that Momo was trying, even in his drunken state, to tell him something important.
"I knew… I knew that… I mean, Fuji-senpai just… Oh well. He doesn't understand."
Momo's voice slipped back into an incoherent mumble, and he rolled over off of Ryoma, much to the tennis star's relief. But when Ryoma tried to get up off the bed, Momo grapped him by the arm and pulled him down again, hard.
"Momo-senpai---?" Now it was Ryoma who was on top of Momo, staring right into those purple eyes and feeling extremely uncomfortable. But Momo's expression was somewhat distant, as though he didn't even know what he was doing.
"You don't understand, either," he said faintly, hardly even looking at Ryoma.
"What don't I understand, Momo-senpai?" Ryoma asked, trying to be as compliant as possible with someone who was very obviously intoxicated.
"I mean… you don't… I mean, you left. You just left. Stupid."
The insult was said with a strange kind of affection, and for a split second, Momo's strong arms went around the tennis star's back, pulling Ryoma so close to him that Ryoma could actually feel the power player's heart beating against his chest…
And then, just as quickly, those arms fell back down onto the mattress, and Momo closed his eyes as though the bright light was bothering him.
Ryoma took the opportunity to get off the bed, while Momo wasn't paying attention, but he couldn't help looking at his former teammate with concern.
"Are you okay, Momo-senpai?" he asked finally, very softly.
But Momo didn't say anything. Ryoma wondered if maybe he was asleep, but instead of inquiring further to find out, he just walked over to the door and turned off the light.
He glanced back at his friend, who just lay there, looking strangely peaceful. And something in him couldn't resist a smile, as he quietly closed the door behind him.
Momo slowly opened his eyes again, but they were met with nothing but darkness. And so he whispered it to the empty room instead.
"Stupid Echizen. Don't you know I love you?"
- - - - - - -
Ryoma walked back into the front room, only to find Inui and Eiji talking together very quietly about something. Kaidoh was just standing beside them without a word, looking strangely angry.
"Oh, Echizen, you're back," Inui observed as soon as he noticed the tennis star coming into the room.
"Is Momo-chin okay?" Eiji asked, looking worried. Ryoma just nodded.
"He should be fine… But I imagine that will be one impressive hangover," Inui noted, pushing his glasses up his nose.
"Why was he drunk anyway?" Eiji crossed his arms, eyebrows knit together.
Inui looked as though he was about to respond, but it was Kaidoh's rough voice that cut into the stillness, sounding even lower than a growl.
"Fuji-senpai."
There was an uneasy silence in the poorly-lit apartment. Eiji looked as though he was going to ask another question, but to his surprise, Kaidoh continued talking.
"It's the idiot's own fault. He was messing around where he wasn't wanted. He's tried to do it before."
A strange feeling came over Ryoma, looking into Kaidoh's face as he hissed those words. For some reason he couldn't explain, he suddenly felt very uncomfortable… maybe even frightened…
… But of what?
"What do you mean, he's tried to do it before?" Ryoma managed after a moment, swallowing hard and trying to ignore the tight feeling in his chest.
"Ffsssshhhhh," came the usual snake noise, and a firey glint flashed in those piercing eyes.
"He's just an idiot," Kaidoh said at last, and the bitterness in his voice was almost more than Ryoma could stand. Something in him wanted to protest, wanted to demand an answer, not only to his question but to all the things about this situation that he still didn't understand…
In that moment, Ryoma's back pocket began to ring.
"Uh… what---?"
Ryoma interrupted Eiji's vocal confusion with a quiet apology as he took out his cell phone. "Sorry about that. I'll take it outside."
He closed the apartment door behind him and flipped open his cell, holding it to one ear with a calm, "Hello?"
"Hello. Is this Echizen?"
"Fuji-senpai?" In a strange way, Ryoma felt himself trying to catch his breath, surprised at how beautiful the tensai sounded, even over the phone.
"Yes, it's me."
"Wait… How did you get my number?" Ryoma couldn't help letting the confusion come through in his voice as he tried to figure out the answer himself.
There was a slight laugh on the other end, and then came the simple answer.
"Momo gave it to me. I'm glad he gave me the right number. But I would have called you in your hotel room anyway, even if he hadn't."
"Fuji-senpai, about Momo-senpai…" Ryoma couldn't help wanted to ask about what had happened earlier, but he was interrupted.
"There's no time for that right now. I have something to ask you, Echizen."
There was a pause, as Ryoma wondered why his heart was beating so fast. It was just a question, after all…
"What is it, Fuji-senpai?" he managed at last.
"…"
"… Are you free this evening?"
In the silence that followed, Ryoma thought he heard someone else, far away, calling his name.
He looked around, surprised, wondering who in the world would be calling for him, and why. But of course, he didn't the noise again. And then the voice on the other line spoke up again, sounding mildly perplexed.
"Echizen?"
Ryoma took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Why was he so nervous, anyway? It was just a simple question.
"Yes, I'm free," he said as evenly as he could. He didn't know why, but he was starting to be afraid of that question. Every time someone asked it, something disturbing was always just around the corner…
"Glad to hear it. Are you familiar with our hotel's floor plan, Echizen?"
Now that was the strangest question yet, and it didn't help ease Ryoma's discomfort.
"I… I guess I am. Why?"
"I'll meet you at the rooftop garden in an hour. And come alone. I'll see you there, Echizen."
"Fuji-senpai---" But before Ryoma could say another word, the line went dead, and he was left staring at his cell phone, heart pounding.
Why did this scare him? It was Fuji-senpai. He knew that he'd been warned about the tensai over and over again, but it was still just Fuji-senpai…
Fuji-senpai could be strange sometimes, of course, but Ryoma had always trusted the tensai, always believed that Fuji would never take something too far, would never intentionally try to break something so that it could never be repaired…
… But this posed a question.
Should Ryoma still believe that?
…
"Echizen… Whatever you do, stay away from Fuji, okay?"
…
As Ryoma slid his cell phone back into his pocket, he thought he heard that voice again, calling to him.
Who was that?
Maybe it was just his imagination, but suddenly he thought that it sounded like Fuji himself, years ago, saying Ryoma's name with that sweet, cheerful voice he used to have.
And suddenly, Ryoma knew what he had to do.
Without even bothering to re-enter the apartment to tell his friends where he was going, he turned and walked down the hallway.
It was, after all, only an hour until midnight.
- - - - - - - -
By the time Ryoma entered the lobby of the hotel, it was already 11:55. The normally bustling place was quiet, with only a few businessmen still coming in from the late flights to check in for the evening.
Ryoma walked over to the elevators and pressed the button, waiting with a strange kind of anticipation. He hardly even understood why he was so tense. After all, what could Fuji have to say that could really be so shocking?
… Part of Ryoma, though, kept nagging him in the back of his mind, saying that he probably didn't know the half of it.
The elevator doors opened, and he walked inside, staring for a moment at the long list of floors. Until the very last second, he was unsure if he would actually press the button for the topmost floor, or if he would let his fear get the best of him and press for his own floor instead…
But press that top button he did, and with a slight jerk, the elevator was on its way.
There was a moment of silence, while he tried to breathe more normally and slow his steadily increasing heartbeat.
"Ryoma, what is wrong with you?" he found himself saying to the four tiny walls. It was then that he knew he was losing it. He never talked to himself. Ever. But somehow, now, he couldn't help it.
He sighed and mumbled, "Idiot. It's just Fuji-senpai, anyway."
He took a deep breath and watched the digital floor counter climb right along with the elevator.
"7… 8… 9… 10…"
Ryoma suddenly found himself feeling almost dizzy, watching those numbers climb, feeling himself going higher and higher, right up to the top…
"17… 18… 19… 20…"
He closed his eyes, just as the elevator lurched to a halt. With a slight gasp, he scrambled to steady himself, trying to keep from falling.
The doors flew open, and Ryoma found himself facing a small staircase, with the fresh smell of the night flowing downward into the hotel through the opening in the ceiling. He climbed the small handful of steps onto the roof, only to be met with a myriad of lights right above his head. The skyscrapers were glittering all around him, shining in every bright color imaginable, and just beyond them, the dim stars twinkled stubbornly in the darkness.
The wind suddenly picked up, whipping all around him and forcing him to grab onto his own baseball cap to make sure it didn't fly off his head.
After he had secured his hat, he found himself looking around, and it was like nothing he had ever seen before. What should have been a plain cement roof was surfaced with a gleaming white stone, and there were trees and shrubs planted in a geometrical pattern, with all kinds of branches rustling in the wind.
He didn't see anyone nearby, so he began somewhat hesitantly to walk down the path. He sniffed the air, suddenly noticing that it smelled like it was going to rain. He glanced up at the sky, only to see clouds just beginning to gather above his head, blocking the silver stars from view.
When he looked back down again, he stopped still in surprise. There before him was a long, rectangular fountain, stretching straight toward the edge of the building. The moon, almost fully obscured by the clouds, was right above his line of vision. And just beneath the moon stood a tall statue, winged and with arms reaching outward, palms tipped up toward the sky.
But it wasn't the fountain that had stolen the breath from Ryoma's lungs.
Walking on top of the fountain's edge was the tensai himself, haunting blue eyes wide open, looking almost as though he was in a trance. He took every step slowly, carelessly, absently smiling to himself about some unspoken thought…
It was the first time that Ryoma found himself unable to do anything but stare at such a beautiful sight. The strange light created by the dim moon and the bright city lights was reflecting off of the tensai's hair and clothes, lending him his own unearthly glow. The wind was blowing all about him, and something in Ryoma was convinced that any second the tensai was going to alight on the wind and fly away into the sky.
The strange enchantment of the moment, though, was gone before Ryoma even realized it. The next thing he knew, Fuji had noticed his presence and effortlessly stepped off of the fountain's ledge, walking straight toward him.
"So you did come," Fuji said at last, and Ryoma forgot to try to read the expression behind that beautiful voice, as he finally felt his heart start beating again. He hadn't even noticed that it had stopped.
He merely nodded in reply, and Fuji smiled a little, something strange glinting in those mesmerizing blue eyes.
He took a few more steps toward Ryoma, and it was then that the tennis star finally realized it. He hadn't noticed before, because he hadn't been close enough to the tensai to notice it yet. But it was true, nevertheless…
This imposing presence, this picturesque figure whose beauty was absolutely bewitching…
This enigmatic tensai had to crane his neck slightly upward to look Ryoma in the eyes.
Fuji himself seemed to notice this also for the first time, as he laughed lightly and murmured, "I thought so. Now even you're taller than I am…"
Ryoma watched, unable to move as those delicate hands lifted up to Ryoma's shirt collar and straightened it for a moment, and the tensai leaned forward, blue eyes open.
It happened before he knew it, but it happened, no matter how much it felt like a dream…
Fuji Shusuke, former tensai of Seigaku, kissed Ryoma lightly on the cheek, right next to the corner of his mouth.
… What was it about those soft lips that was so absolutely earth-shattering?
"I'm sorry," Fuji said apologetically, an actual hint of remorse in his voice as his fingers released Ryoma's collar. He turned away and walked slowly back toward the fountain.
"It was just for a memory, you know," the tensai added in a clearer tone after a moment, leaning over to dip his hand in the water.
"What do you mean?" Ryoma found himself following in those footsteps, coming up to the fountain and watching as Fuji splashed his hand into the small waves, sending a thousand tiny diamonds of water into the air.
"What I mean to say, I suppose, is that it wasn't for you," Fuji explained almost dreamily. "Perhaps you could say it was meant for the twelve-year-old boy instead."
There was an inevitable silence as Ryoma thought about this.
"I'm not the same person?" he inquired at last, looking confused.
"No," came the shockingly quick answer, cutting into the tranquil stillness.
The tensai's mood had changed completely now, and he turned to look Ryoma in the face, his eyes blazing with blue fire.
"No, you're not," he repeated, in a flat voice. "You're just a disappointment."
Ryoma felt as though he'd just had a bucket of cold water poured right onto his head, and he blinked in surprise.
"A disappointment, Fuji-senpai?" he couldn't help repeating. Oddly enough, something about the insult had actually hurt, stung like a slap in the face, and he didn't like it at all.
"That's right," came the cool reply, as Fuji flung another splash of water across the shallow pool. "And if they weren't a useless bunch of liars, everyone else would have told you the same thing."
"Fuji-senpai!" Ryoma couldn't hide the shock in his voice. He just couldn't. He didn't care that he was showing too much to someone who was starting to genuinely scare him. He couldn't. Why would Fuji say something like that about his own friends?
He didn't understand…
"You don't know why I'm saying this, do you?" Fuji said. It wasn't a question, though… It was said with the confidence of an established fact.
"No, I don't," he managed, in spite of his tightening throat.
"I wonder…" That beautiful voice was almost singing, light and airy, but the words it said were as dark as midnight itself. "I wonder how many things would have been completely destroyed before you realized it for yourself."
"Realized what, Fuji-senpai?" Ryoma asked in a low tone, eyes fixed on the back of the tensai's head.
A full minute passed with no response from Fuji, as the wind whipped all around them, howling as it slipped around the skyscrapers of Tokyo.
As though he hadn't heard the question, Fuji began walking alongside the fountain, approaching the edge of the roof. He was staring up at the moon, which had freed itself from the gathering clouds for a moment, shining a sickly white.
Ryoma felt himself following the tensai, without even deciding for himself to do so.
The moon slipped back behind the clouds, and Fuji stopped in his tracks, a few feet away from the raised ledge that separated the roof from the empty air.
"Tell me, Echizen," the tensai murmured at last. "Did you ever look back?"
"Look back?" Ryoma repeated slowly, trying to comprehend the question.
"When you left for America, did you ever look back?" Fuji repeated, more loudly this time.
"Why would I look back?" Ryoma responded, frowning. But the frown faded into nothing when the tensai turned his head, those eyes glaring into Ryoma like daggers.
Suddenly, Ryoma was unable to speak. He couldn't say a single thing. And that ugly feeling, that sudden ache in his chest, did not leave him. Instead, it slowly worsened as Fuji began to speak, grew sharper with every passing word…
"Ryoma, do you know what is holding this building up?"
The tensai took two steps forward, letting his hands fall onto the unnervingly thin ledge as he looked down into Tokyo.
Ryoma couldn't answer, but something in him already knew what the tensai meant by that.
How did he know what Fuji was going to say…?
And why did it hurt so much…?
"That's right," Fuji responded, even though Ryoma hadn't said a word. "Even the tallest skyscrapers have support pillars holding them up from beneath."
The tensai turned around suddenly, staring Ryoma right in the face. Fuji didn't look away again, either. He just stared, and for the first time in his life, Ryoma felt his knees go weak.
He had been on his knees back then, he suddenly remembered.
On his knees, before that man, on that day so long ago…
…
Echizen, become Seigaku's pillar of support!
…
Fuji was watching those gold eyes of Ryoma's intently, searching in them for something unspoken. And Ryoma felt strangely afraid, as if that stare of Fuji's was actually capable of seeing inside him, into every part of his being…
For the first time, Echizen Ryoma knew what it was to feel condemned.
"Tell me, Echizen…"
That voice was so cruel… so beautiful and so cruel…
Ryoma didn't want to believe it could say something like this. But all the same, he knew that it was going to…
"Do you know what a support pillar does, Echizen? Do you know what it's for?" Fuji asked, eyes gleaming.
…
"Echizen, come back to us, okay?"
…
"I have no doubt of it. You will be on top of the world."
…
"You will always be our pillar, Echizen."
…
"Promise me, Echizen! Promise me!"
…
Fuji's eyes were burning, burning with the coldest kind of blue fire, and suddenly Ryoma wished he could just run away… Run away from this merciless being with the beauty of an angel and words fit for hell…
But those eyes wouldn't let him move. He couldn't leave. And when that voice began to speak again, it pierced his chest.
"Do you know what happens when a pillar disappears?"
Suddenly, without thinking, Ryoma felt himself walk forward, walk to that ledge and look out over the abyss before him. The wind picked up again, shrieking somewhere above his head as he came up alongside the tensai…
Why? Why was he walking forward when everything in him wanted to run away? He didn't want to look over that terrible ledge…
"It's an awfully long way to fall, isn't it?" Fuji said quietly, tensely. Suddenly his voice rose to almost a scream. "Especially for those of us standing the closest to the sky!"
The fire in those eyes exploded into an inferno, and the tensai lunged forward, grabbing Ryoma by the arms and shoving him toward the edge. In a blurry instant, Ryoma found himself being held against the cement ledge, arms locked behind him, back bent so that his head was turned downward toward the earth beneath him.
And his eyes saw the shimmering city lights, dancing so far beneath his head, and he began to feel so dizzy that he felt sick. His heart was throbbing, painfully, frantically… He was absolutely terrified. He had never been so afraid in all his life, then by this sight of the ground so far below him…
Suddenly he was absolutely convinced that Fuji wanted him to die.
He wanted to cry out, to beg for his life, to plead to the tensai to please not push him over the edge, but he forgot to beg when the tensai all but shrieked at him from behind, still holding Ryoma's arms firmly in place.
"Don't look away, Echizen! I won't let you. God knows you weren't the one who had to fall so far!"
Ryoma still wished he could cry out, but in the roar of the traffic below his head, he began to be afraid of something entirely different.
He wasn't afraid for himself.
He was afraid for the ones who had already fallen.
He felt the hat slip off of his head, and he watched in something like horror as the white cap fell a hundred, no, a thousand, no, a hundred thousand feet downward, until he couldn't even see it falling anymore…
Oh, God…
It couldn't really have been like this, could it…?
"That's right, look for yourself," that cruel voice hissed. "And you know what they say about falling so far? That you black out before it's over? It's a lie!"
Looking down at those lights, so far away, watching that hat fall to its fate while Fuji spoke those words of poison…
Something in Ryoma broke then.
The lights began to blur in front of his eyes as Fuji continued in his frenzied, painful monologue…
"It's a lie, Echizen! You don't black out at all! You see everything, you see the sky slip away from you, you feel your body falling toward the ground, and you know…"
The blurred cityscape became painful to look at, and Ryoma's eyes started to burn, and something started to drip off of his face.
It couldn't be tears, though… because Ryoma never cried…
He didn't cry, no matter how painful the words of a fallen angel could become…
"You know that every second is bringing you closer to that moment, that moment when you're going to hit the pavement…"
Ryoma didn't recognize that sound. He had never heard it before, but it was coming in choked gasps.
It was the sound of himself sobbing.
"… And then you finally hit the bottom, and you shatter into a thousand pieces, Echizen! That's what happens when you fall so far! You never black out, not even once! You watch yourself DIE, Echizen!"
"Fu… Fuji-senp…" He tried to gasp out his former teammate's name, but he couldn't. He couldn't catch his breath, and the tears were still slipping out of his eyes.
… Why wouldn't they stop?
"I won't stop, Echizen. That's what you did to us. That's what you did when you left. You want to know who's to blame for everything falling apart, Echizen?" Fuji's voice was absolutely maniacal now, frantic with the force of his accusation, punctuated with the sound of Ryoma crying.
"YOU ARE!"
Fuji released his grip on the teenager, shoving him against the ledge. He watched as Echizen Ryoma, the tennis star who had conquered the world, sank to his knees and cried.
Fuji kneeled, an icy gleam in his eyes, and his voice lowered to a whisper as he put his lips right next to Ryoma's ear.
"That's right. You're the reason why we're not the people you left behind. Everything that ever went wrong… That's your fault, the fault of our renegade pillar who vanished without a trace and left us to fall back to earth."
Ryoma choked back his own sobs, listening to every word with a strange kind of resignation, even though he couldn't stop crying. It was as though all the tears he'd never bothered to cry had just decided to be released, all in one moment.
"You're the reason why the Golden Pair was shattered… Why Momoshiro and Kaidoh can't even stand to look at each other… Why three of us ran away from this disaster zone and swore we'd never come back… That's right, Echizen…"
Ryoma listened, horrified.
"You're the one who made our strongest pillar crumble into dust and blow away into the wind."
In the silence that followed, as Ryoma tried to stop crying, tried to catch his breath, Fuji gazed for another minute at the devastated boy. And then he stood up, expression calmer, those sky blue eyes almost drained of emotion.
"And you thought you were going to save us, didn't you? You really are a fool."
The tensai frowned, looking somewhat disgusted.
"I'm almost surprised you had the audacity to ever come back. It would have been better if you had never even bothered."
…
"Echizen… Come back. Promise me!"
…
It was a full hour later when Ryoma finally realized that Fuji had long since walked away. The tensai had just left him there, on his knees, leaning against the cement ledge as though he'd never be able to stand again.
He had finally stopped crying. He had never felt this way before. He had never known what it was like to cry until you couldn't anymore. It was almost a relief, but there was a distinctly sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, a stubborn, aching knot that refused to untie itself…
He couldn't chase that feeling away. And it terrified him.
Ryoma had always been able to ignore his own disappointment, his own inner conflicts. He just pretended they didn't bother him. And it worked. He never had any feelings strong enough to wrest tears from his eyes. Why should he? No, he never cried…
… He never cried for himself.
But this hadn't been for himself.
It had been the strangest feeling, but Ryoma had felt something like it only hours earlier. In that moment, when he'd distinctly felt Oishi's pain in loving Eiji, he had understood what it was to be in the former vice captain's situation. And the pain he had just felt, in this moment…
He was sure this was the pain of all of them. Of all of his former teammates…
… No, of his friends, of his friends that had meant so much to him…
… This was their pain. The pain of five long years while everything fell apart.
The pain he hadn't seen.
The pain he had caused.
He was shivering now. He couldn't stop, even though he desperately wanted to. He didn't want to believe that what Fuji said was true, either. But the truth was, he should have known it all along. It made sense. Far too much sense to ignore. After all, he had left, five years ago… and five years ago, everything had slowly begun to fall apart.
Maybe I did know it all along.
… I just didn't want to believe it.
I…
I wanted to believe they were okay after all.
I wanted…
He was shaking so violently that he desperately wrapped his arms around himself, trying to get warm. He wondered why he was so cold, and then he noticed that he was wet all over.
It was raining.
Slowly, painfully, Ryoma rose to his feet and looked upward, at the dark sky. His eyes started to sting, blinking in surprise as the raindrops fell onto his face.
I only wanted to see them again.
He stared blankly as the rain fell on and on. He slowly became aware of the painful feeling that was still aching in his chest.
And he wondered for a moment if that was the pain of a broken heart.
He didn't indulge in the thought for long. He didn't particularly care about the pain in his own body, when his mind was drowning in painful thoughts, thoughts he couldn't possibly ignore…
He could still hear Fuji's beautiful voice, echoing inside his head, cutting deeper into his own fears.
…
"And you thought you were going to save us…"
"It would have been better if you had never come back."
…
Ryoma stood for another moment, looking at the rain, gazing in front of him at the blurry cityscape as the sky cried a million tears.
And then he turned around and began slowly walking toward the stairs, hardly caring where his feet were taking him.
- - - - - - -
Tezuka watched from the hotel room window as the rain fell outside. He had just taken a shower, putting on a bathrobe and walking into the bedroom, only to find a stormy scene glaring at him from outside the window. Something about it had caught his attention and held it there, as he watched the drops fall down the glass. It was strange, he thought, but it looked unusually cold and dreary outside for a mere summer rain. Maybe it was the ugly dull gray of the sky, lit by all those city lights…
Suddenly, a chill went down his spine.
He thought he heard someone crying.
He knew that voice, didn't he? Who was that?
…
Whoever it was, they were sobbing. And those choked sobs cut him to the heart.
He looked around, only to hear the door suddenly creak open. He watched as Fuji entered the room, somewhat damp, hair dripping as it clung to the tensai's skin.
"Fuji, why are you all wet?" Tezuka couldn't help asking, even though he could already guess the answer without much trouble.
"Oh, I was just on the rooftop. They have a beautiful garden up there, you know," Fuji said somewhat cheerfully. Yet, strangely enough, he wasn't wearing his usual mask of an expression. Instead, his eyes were open, shining with some unreadable emotion. And this made Tezuka feel somewhat uneasy.
"Why were you on the roof?" he wondered aloud, frowning slightly.
"I just wanted to take a look around. Unfortunately, it started raining," explained the tensai smoothly, as he walked toward the former captain.
Tezuka sighed and turned back to the window, trying to ignore the unpleasant feeling nagging at him, only to feel two thin arms slip around his waist from behind.
"Fuji…"
Tezuka wished that he could make Fuji tell him where he had been. But he knew that he wouldn't be able to. And so instead, he said nothing.
Fuji smiled to himself as he leaned against the former captain's back, liking the feeling of the terrycloth robe against his cheek. And he murmured, almost to himself, as softly as a feather…
"It's alright, Tezuka. There's nothing to worry about. Everything will be alright now."
- end of chapter thirteen –
A/N: I know, I know! Fuji is evil! XD Well, it's okay if he seems that way to you all for the moment. That's kind of the intention. Because from here on out… The only secrets left are pretty much about Tezuka and Fuji. And I can promise you those secrets are anything but normal. So, if this seems to be taking a turn for the worse, I can assure you that there is more angst where this comes from. This is another turning point in the plot, and you'll see soon enough where it leads.
In other news, I'm so sorry this chapter is so late! T.T This past week I had a paper and two huge exams that I really needed to do well on, so I actually had to focus on college. (Bleah.) It was murder and I hated it, but fortunately it's over. And I won't be that busy again until mid-November, by which point I'm sure the story will already be complete. So no worries! I promise I'll update at least twice this week to make up for it, maybe more… Would that make up for the wait, perhaps? I hope so!
Well, despite the depressing subject matter, I hope this chapter was worth the wait! I promise that the end of this fic isn't nearly this depressing. Really! Anyway… Please let me know what you thought of chapter thirteen!
Coming Up Next: Ryoma disappears, and the Regulars are left to find out for themselves what passed between Fuji and Ryoma the night before. Now that Ryoma has been forced to face a certain truth about the past, what will he do in response? Will he vanish again and let history repeat itself? Or will he decide to face the problem once and for all?