Chapter Fifteen: The Sound of Breaking Glass
Disclaimer: I still don't own Prince of Tennis. Bummer. XD
Author's Note: Here's chapter fifteen! Remember, the complete Author's Note for this fic is posted in chapter one. But here are the warnings, summarized for your convenience: May contain spoilers/ shonen-ai/ not-shonen-ai/ please review/ Fuji will get revenge on flamers. Lol.
Many, many thanks to my reviewers, once again! I can't tell you all how much you have motivated me to make this story even better, and I hope it starts to show in these next few chapters. I wish I had room to thank you all personally, but I know you'd rather read the fic, so let me just say it again: thank you all so much! And to everyone who has read this story so far: I really hope you enjoy this chapter. Let me know what you all think of chapter fifteen!
Imagine what it would be like to watch your world come undone.
Have you known the pain of losing someone you love?
If you have, if you can understand a broken heart…
Then forgive this angel for falling into hell.
…
"Tezuka."
The former captain was somewhat distracted from the book he had been reading by two delicate hands, as they gently caressed his face. He looked up to see the tensai hovering around the chair in which he was sitting, looking intently at Tezuka as though he wanted something.
"Fuji."
That was all Tezuka said, but his eyes stared right back at Fuji, giving their own kind of reply. It was a reply that didn't seem to satisfy the tensai, however, and so he tried a more direct approach…
Fuji took the book right out of Tezuka's hands and threw it aside. It landed with a thud on the floor, pages crinkled and askew.
"Tezuka…" Fuji knelt right by the former captain's feet, placing his head in the taller man's lap. "Tezuka…"
"What is it, Fuji?" Tezuka finally asked, slowly putting out his hand and running his fingers almost reluctantly through the tensai's light brown hair.
For a moment, Fuji said nothing, enjoying the feeling of that strong hand as it smoothed out his tousled locks. But then he slowly began to speak again, in a sweet voice that sounded lighter than air…
"Tezuka, you don't really want to talk to Echizen, do you?"
There was a pause. A long pause, one that seemed to make Fuji suddenly uncomfortable. Pulling away from that resigned caress, he stood up again and looked Tezuka in the face, trying to read the expression in those amber eyes.
"You don't have to talk to him, you know," Fuji added at last, as though the silence was starting to unnerve him.
Tezuka just looked away, frowning.
"I know that," he said at last, in a very low tone. "I know that… But he has a right to know."
The silence became filled with something like pain, and Fuji's winning smile turned into a grimace.
"A right to know?" he repeated bitterly. "What right does that brat have to know what happened to you?"
"Fuji---" But Tezuka's threatening tone was interrupted.
"He abandoned you, Tezuka," Fuji snapped, ignoring the warning in the former captain's eyes. "I don't know if you recall, but he wasn't there on the night of your little accident…"
"Neither were you!" came the stern reply, sounding very loud in the quiet hotel room. The former captain had risen to his feet and was glaring at the tensai with a subdued kind of rage.
Fuji seemed almost shocked to see the anger in Tezuka's eyes. He took one step away from the taller man, as though part of him was afraid of where this was headed.
"Tezuka…" he whispered, sounding hurt. "Are you angry at me? Why are you angry---?"
Fuji's voice was softer now, almost timid, and he took another step backward and then fell to his knees. His blue eyes were wide open, staring in front of him with something like terror.
Tezuka watched for a moment, as Fuji sat there on the floor, staring blankly in front of him. The fire went out of the former captain's eyes, and he tried to hold back the anger in his voice.
"Fuji, I didn't mean that I---"
"I'll stay here."
The reply was said in a light, unattached tone, as though the tensai hadn't heard him.
"What did you say?" Tezuka frowned, taking a step toward Fuji and kneeling, trying to look the tensai in the eyes. But those blue irises were wandering, unfocused, not paying attention to Tezuka at all.
"I'll stay here, and you will go away!" Fuji repeated, with a nervous grin.
"Fuji, you're not making sense," Tezuka quietly protested, putting his hands on the tensai's shoulders, as gently as he could.
At that touch, Fuji seemed to shatter, and he threw himself into Tezuka's arms with something halfway between a sob and a shriek. The former captain let the tensai grasp desperately at him, as though he was used to such strange behavior, and drew the smaller man into his arms without a word.
Fuji had started murmuring the strangest things, but Tezuka didn't even try to make sense of them. He knew better than to try.
"He broke it! It isn't my fault. I only took the pieces! I didn't break it… So why are you angry at me?"
Tezuka didn't say a word, waiting for the tensai to stop talking in that frantic, frenzied voice, waiting for him to calm down again. He wouldn't say that he was used to these strange mood swings, but he had seen them before, and he knew enough to not interrupt the tensai when he was like this.
Instead, he just held Fuji, waiting. There was a dull look in his eyes as he listened to the tensai's rambling words.
After a few minutes, Fuji seemed to relax, and he looked around for a moment as though he had just re-entered the room. His blue eyes met Tezuka's again, and they grew wide with a kind of understanding.
"Tezuka," he gasped, looking almost guilty. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to. I…"
"It's alright, Fuji," Tezuka quietly interrupted, the frustration having left his voice some time ago. "Just don't think about it."
The tensai nodded slowly, more to himself than to Tezuka, and buried himself in the former captain's arms again.
"Tezuka," he said softly, after a minute had passed with neither one of them moving. "Does it feel the same to you? Like you can't stop falling, even though you know that you hit the bottom a long time ago?"
The former captain thought about this strange question for a moment. Fuji could hear Tezuka's steady breathing through his chest, lightly punctuated by the sound of his heartbeat. And then came that deep voice into his ear, murmuring an answer…
"I think I know what you mean," said Tezuka at last.
"Don't leave me," Fuji added, much too quickly.
At that, Tezuka sighed, an unmistakable sign of surrender.
"You know I never could," he replied.
- - - - - - - -
Part of Oishi wished that he could say something to Ryoma. But even if he had felt ready for such a task, he had no idea what in the world he could say to the tennis star that would do any good. Something had happened to the boy overnight; that much he could see. And strangely enough, Ryoma was hiding whatever it was quite well.
Had Ryoma, too, already learned the art of simply pretending that everything was fine? Had he learned this out of necessity? What necessity could have compelled him to learn it so quickly?
…
This was something of the train of thought that was running through Oishi's mind, as he sat next to the teenager on Eiji's sofa. But he didn't give a voice to any of his thoughts.
"Achoo!" came the now-familiar sound from his current companion.
"Are you alright, Echizen?" Oishi couldn't help asking, with a sympathetic smile.
Ryoma nodded somewhat blankly, grabbing a tissue from the box next to him and blowing his nose.
"I'm fine," he mumbled. "It's just a stupid cold."
"Which you got because you were wandering around in the rain!" came the agitated voice from the kitchen. Normally, Oishi would have blushed at the sound of that beloved voice, but for the moment, he couldn't resist a chuckle at the scolding tone it was using.
"He's right, you know," Oishi agreed after a moment, turning his attention back to Ryoma. "And you of all people can't be getting sick. You're a professional athlete, after all, and sick athletes can't pay the rent for their parents' penthouse apartment."
Ryoma couldn't help rolling his eyes. "Thank you, Oishi-senpai. I'm glad to know that the sole importance of my health is to ensure that I can keep making obscene amounts of money."
"Well, that's one reason," the former vice captain responded, still smiling. "Another reason might be so that you don't have to keep borrowing other people's clothes."
Ryoma sighed at that, glancing down at the oversized sweatshirt and black jeans that he'd been forced to wear, since his own clothes were currently in the wash.
"At least Kikumaru-senpai's clothes fit me… somewhat…"
"Are you complaining out there?" came the threat from Eiji, who was still out of sight.
"No, Kikumar - Achoo! - senpai," was Ryoma's rather disjointed answer, as he reached for another tissue.
There was a pause, as Oishi again waited for the tennis star to blow his nose. He thought for a moment, trying to decide what to say, and then he just shook his head. It wouldn't do any good to ask him, not yet.
"Oh, Echizen," he said suddenly, remembering something. "Would you mind getting my cell phone for me?"
He pointed to the leather travel bag that Inui had brought over from the hotel earlier, since it seemed that Oishi wasn't going to be returning to his own room any time soon.
"Sure," answered Ryoma, in between sniffling, as he rose from the sofa and started rummaging through Oishi's belongings.
"I hate to bother you, but it seems I've been forbidden to get up from the couch," Oishi added good-naturedly, remembering the scolding he'd received for trying to get up to retrieve the television remote.
"Oishi-senpai, is it in another---"
But Ryoma's question went unfinished, and the tennis star grew suddenly silent. Oishi frowned in surprise. "Is something wrong, Echizen?"
"Oishi-senpai, what's this?"
Ryoma held up a navy blue portfolio folder, the kind designed to hold photographs. At the mere sight of it, an almost dark look came into Oishi's eyes, but his spoken reply was mundane enough.
"Oh, that? That's a copy of Fuji's photography portfolio. He gave it to me awhile ago."
"Fuji-senpai's portfolio?" Ryoma gazed at it, with a mix of curiosity and dread in his golden eyes.
"Would you like to look at it?" Oishi asked quietly, watching the tennis star. "You can, if you want."
"I don't know," admitted Ryoma, coming back to the couch and sitting next to the former vice captain. "Would I?"
He looked straight at Oishi again, with the question shining in his eyes. At first, Oishi wasn't sure what to say, but then he nodded.
"Why don't you take a look?" he proposed. "I think you'd find it interesting."
At that, Ryoma opened the book, fingers running across the smooth cover with anticipation. He began to flip through the pages, slowly, staring at the black and white prints as though he couldn't look away.
And what he saw in that portfolio both fascinated and terrified him, in a way he couldn't even begin to explain.
At first, the pictures seemed random and disjointed, especially in their subjects. There was a photo of a sweet-looking boy, sleeping on the street, right next to a picture of a rose withering on a bush. There was a picture of a little girl wading in a fountain in the afternoon sun, next to a picture of an older woman in gaudy clothes peeking nervously out of a dark alley. There was a beautiful photo of a stone statue wrought with ivy, right next to a photo of a rotting apple, framed with garbage.
The juxtaposition of the ugly with the beautiful was the strangest thing about the first part of the portfolio. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to the selected subjects… Although, without fail, each photo was taken at some unusual angle that made the viewer almost dizzy.
"Did Fuji-senpai take all these photos in Paris?" Ryoma asked as he was flipping through the pages.
"I believe he did for most of them," was Oishi's quiet reply. "Although he would sometimes take pictures when he visited me in London."
Ryoma looked up for a moment from the photos, surprised.
"Fuji-senpai would visit you?"
Oishi laughed a little, but there was no mirth in it.
"Yes, he visited me," confirmed the former vice captain. "Although it might be more accurate to say that he came along when Tezuka visited me."
Ryoma frowned. Something about that seemed strange…
"Wait. Why would Fuji-senpai come with Buchou?" he asked, looking intently at Oishi. The older man smiled, almost sadly.
Of course he would notice that it's strange…
"Well, Tezuka wastraveling all over Europe, as I'm sure you already heard. But most of the time, when I saw him, he was in Paris with Fuji," Oishi explained softly. "And whenever Tezuka came to visit me, Fuji would always come with him."
Ryoma was about to ask something else, but he thought better of it. Instead, he lost himself in his own questions…
Buchou and Fuji-senpai…
It's somewhere in there. The missing piece is in there. The reason why Fuji-senpai left… and Buchou disappeared…
… It's in there. But what is it?
Unable to answer his own mental inquiry, Ryoma began to turn the pages again.
And then he stopped, frozen, staring at the images that had suddenly appeared in front of his eyes.
They weren't simple photos, like the others had been. These were layered pieces, probably integrated with some kind of photo manipulation technique, carefully arranged and blended together to create a single shot.
The finished effects were beautiful, almost hypnotic… and extremely unsettling.
Oishi noticed Ryoma stiffen as he stared at the pictures, and so he leaned over to see what the tennis star was looking at. When he mentally recognized the images, his expression became knowing, even sympathetic.
"They're strange pieces, aren't they?" he said gently. He reached over to point to one that was a myriad of gauzy fabric, flying insects, and dancing human silhouettes. "I saw him make this one. He takes single photos and blends them together, layering them on top of each other and taking out the pieces he doesn't want."
Ryoma swallowed hard and managed to ask, "He does it on a computer?"
Oishi nodded, continuing, "I think that's why Fuji rarely displays them in exhibits. But I have heard that his professor thinks that they are works of genius, even though he's known as a heavy traditionalist when it comes to photography."
Ryoma gazed at some of the pieces in silence for a moment, and they actually gave him chills. He couldn't quite explain what was so unsettling about them, but he was acutely aware of being disturbed by their strange appearance. One work showed a statue in pieces, smeared with a layer of ink. Another was a picture of a beautiful woman's hair, interlaced with barbed wire and framed with crinkled, aging lace.
"So, people think that Fuji-senpai is a genius?" Ryoma wondered aloud, more to break the silence than anything else.
Oishi nodded, thinking for a moment. But when he began to speak, it was in a slow tone, one that caught Ryoma's attention.
"Of course, people always think that being a genius is a good thing…"
Ryoma looked up at the former vice captain, and the expression in the older man's face sent a shudder down his spine.
"But I would say there is a very fine line between genius and… well, something that is not a good thing at all," Oishi added, in that same slow voice, still looking at the pictures in the portfolio.
"Oishi-senpai…" Ryoma wanted to say something, but Oishi leaned over and started flipping through the pages, as if he hadn't heard the tennis star.
Ryoma watched as the images flew by, full of candlelight and torn silk and grasping hands. And then Oishi stopped, and he pointed to the last picture on the page.
And Ryoma's heart stood still.
"That's Fuji's only self-portrait," Oishi noted, with a subdued hint of pain in his voice. "He took it himself shortly after he arrived at Paris."
Ryoma didn't know what to say. He would have responded, but somehow, he couldn't. Words would have trivialized what he saw before him.
The picture was terrifying.
It was not graphic in nature, or even disturbing in a way that could be explained. But in every subtle trick of the light, in every slight tilt of the tensai's limbs, there was something genuinely terrifying.
The picture showed the tensai behind an oily, cracked panel of glass, in stark lighting. His face was disjointed, fragmented by the shattered section, and the murky color of the pane made it difficult to see much of anything. But the one piece of the tensai that had not been molded to the form of the glass was his glinting eyes. Those eyes stared out from the photo, unshattered, glaring at the viewer with some unreadable emotion.
Suddenly, Ryoma shut the book, trying to block the memory of that picture from his mind. He realized that he was trembling.
…
"That's right. You're the reason why we're not the people you left behind."
"And you thought you were going to save us, didn't you? You really are a fool."
…
"Echizen? Are you alright?" came Oishi's voice into his train of thought. He shook the memory of Fuji's words from his mind, and took a deep breath.
"Yes, I'm alright, Oishi-senpai," was his quiet response as he stood up to put the book away.
Suddenly, a phone began to ring in the hallway. As Ryoma listened to Eiji answering the phone call, he remembered the reason why he had discovered the portfolio in the first place.
"Oh, sorry, Oishi-senpai," he apologized as he started rummaging through Oishi's travel bag again. "I never gave you your cell phone."
"It's alright, Echizen," Oishi replied, as cheerfully as possible. He could detect Ryoma's reluctance to explain what was bothering him, and so he attempted to play along. "I was just going to check my voice mail anyway."
"Here you go," Ryoma said, walking over and handing Oishi the phone. No sooner had he done so, however, than Eiji came into the room with a strange expression on his face.
"Ochibi, are you feeling well enough to go out for awhile?" the redhead inquired.
Ryoma blinked in surprise. He hadn't expected such a question, but…
"Yes, I'm feeling alright," he replied after a moment. "Why? What's going on?"
"Well, Taka-san gave me a call, and he asked if he could see you for awhile," Eiji explained, sounding unusually hesitant, maybe even a bit worried. "I can drive you to the shop, if that's okay with you."
Ryoma looked back at Oishi, but the former vice captain just nodded.
"Sure, Kikumaru-senpai," Ryoma agreed at last.
- - - - - - - -
"Go away! I don't want you here! I just want to be alone!" came that angry voice, screaming through the door.
Kimiko tried to turn the knob, but it was locked. There was no light coming from beneath the door. The room's inhabitant must have been sitting there in complete darkness.
"Shusuke-kun, please, open the door! I just want to see you," she called, as gently as she could through the unforgiving barrier.
"Well, I don't want to see you. You can't help me. Now go away!" said the beautiful, cruel voice, the voice like a white flower wrought with thorns.
…
Ryoma walked through the door of the sushi shop, having no idea what could be in store for him there. Still, he was fairly at ease, given that it was only Taka that he would be seeing. He trusted the sushi chef in training, after all. Whatever Taka would say to him, it would be meant in friendship, not to hurt him.
This was something of the mindset he had upon entering, and so he was surprised to see that it wasn't only Taka who was in the empty shop. Sure enough, there was Hoshina Kimiko, Taka's fiancée, sitting by the counter and watching Taka arrange the cooking utensils.
At the sound of the door opening, both of them looked up, each with their own sort of kindness in their eyes as they looked at Ryoma. And suddenly, the tennis star felt just the slightest bit of discomfort.
Why were they looking at him like that…?
"Um… hi, Kawamura-senpai," Ryoma said somewhat awkwardly as he approached the counter.
"Nice to see you, Echizen," Taka said amiably, gesturing to the girl sitting nearby. "I don't believe you've met my fiancée yet. This is Hoshina Kimiko."
"It's nice to meet you, Hoshina-san," Ryoma said politely, even as his eyes started watering from an impending sneeze. He put his hand over his mouth and…
"Achoo!"
"Echizen, are you sick?" Taka asked, looking surprised. He hadn't noticed Ryoma's slightly red nose or the way he was sniffling until now.
"I just have a cold," Ryoma answered, somewhat apologetically, as he took a tissue out of his pocket and blew his nose for the thousandth time.
"Really? Well, you should sit down, in that case," Taka said with a concerned frown, gesturing to the stool next to his fiancée. "Make yourself comfortable, okay? I have to go get something out of the freezer, but I'll be back in a minute."
Ryoma nodded and took a seat, watching as Taka left the room. He couldn't help wondering why in the world Taka had asked him to come to the shop in the first place…
"You were talking to Shusuke-kun, weren't you?"
Ryoma was surprised to hear how pretty Kimiko's voice was. It reminded him of something, but he couldn't quite say what…
However, that thought was completely eclipsed by the realization of what the girl had said.
Ryoma looked straight at her, the shock in his face unmistakable. "How did you know that?"
"You must have talked with him," she replied, very honestly, meeting his questioning gaze. "You have that look in your eyes. You're blaming yourself for something, aren't you? Because of something that Shusuke-kun said?"
Ryoma was absolutely stunned. How could a complete stranger be so dead on about something like that?
And then he remembered.
…
"Hoshina-san went out with Fuji-senpai during the spring of their second year."
"Actually, there were a lot of rumors about Fuji-senpai and Hoshina-san at school…"
…
"Hoshina-san, you knew because you dated Fuji-senpai," Ryoma said slowly. "Is that right?"
She nodded, and even though Ryoma could see an acute sadness in those honest eyes, she looked very determined, as though she had decided to complete some unspoken task.
"Yes, that's why I knew," she confirmed, a bit softly. "And also because I, too, had that look in my eyes once."
There was a pause, and Ryoma felt as though the air was holding its breath, waiting for something to be said.
"What did you blame yourself for, Hoshina-san?" he wondered at last.
At first, Kimiko was silent, looking as though she hadn't heard the question. And then, she stood up, taking a few steps closer to Ryoma, as though she wanted to whisper something to him. She stood there for a moment, just looking at those expressive golden eyes, and then she seemed to make up her mind to speak.
"Echizen-kun, don't make the same mistake. Don't blame yourself, whatever it was that Shusuke-kun said to you," she began gently, looking at him with a sympathetic expression. "I blamed myself once, and it was very painful for me… And it didn't help him at all."
She took a deep breath then, as if she was gathering her thoughts.
"Echizen-kun, I need to tell you something about Shusuke-kun."
…
"It isn't always like this, you know. Sometimes I can hear them so loud that I can't ignore them anymore. And then there's this sound… always the same sound… of glass breaking, of it falling and shattering against the floor. It's absolutely terrifying."
…
"Shusuke-kun is very sick," Kimiko said quietly.
Ryoma didn't understand. He had heard what the girl had said, of course, but it made absolutely no sense to him. The tensai wasn't sick, certainly not as far as he could see… or else there was something more to this statement, something that he didn't comprehend.
"What are you talking about, Hoshina-san?" he demanded, bewildered. "Fuji-senpai isn't sick."
"Well, I didn't think so either, not at first," she agreed, very gently. "Shusuke-kun isn't the kind of person to show his weaknesses, after all."
She thought to herself for a moment, and then sighed and sat down next to Ryoma again.
"Maybe it will make more sense if I tell you some things about the past," she offered. "It's not a pleasant story, but Takashi wanted me to talk you about it."
Ryoma watched her for a moment, as she clasped her hands together and set them on the counter, staring ahead as though she were far away.
"Please do, Hoshina-san," he managed at last, unable to restrain his curiosity.
She smiled a little, as though she were remembering, and then she began to tell her story.
"I didn't attend Seigaku in junior high, but I went to high school at Seigaku since I was a freshman. And as I'm sure you can imagine, the tennis team is famous there. I don't know a girl who attended Seigaku who didn't have a crush on at least one of its members. As I understand it, you experienced something similar in junior high, so I'm sure I don't have to tell you."
Ryoma winced slightly, faintly remembering all the shrieks of the fangirls from his junior high days. Oh, he knew all about that, alright.
Kimiko noted the grimace and smiled a little, but she went on…
"Well, I wasn't as interested in the tennis team myself. I was heavily involved in student council, and that was my main focus. But that's where I met Shuichiroh-kun…"
"You mean Oishi-senpai?" Ryoma interrupted, slightly surprised. He hadn't heard about this part, even though he faintly recalled that Oishi had been the student council president in junior high.
"Yes, that's right," Kimiko nodded, still smiling. "He became a very good friend of mine in high school. And so, of course, through him, I got to know Eiji-kun… and it also wasn't long until I met Shusuke-kun."
Here she stopped, lost in her memories for a moment, recalling the faded emotions of a time that now seemed so far away.
"He was beautiful," she mused, staring at the wall in front of her. "That was what I thought, the instant I saw him. I'm not the kind of girl who falls in love at first sight, but I think there's no better way to describe how I felt about Shusuke-kun back then. Of course, I know now that it was a foolish thing, to get so caught up in an infatuation like that…"
She paused for a moment, and the distant look in her eyes vanished.
"Anyway, I finally worked up the courage to ask him out in our second year. And when he said yes… Well, of course, I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. But it was then that I began to see things that I had never noticed before."
She tore her eyes from the wall and looked straight at Ryoma, sounding very serious.
"Echizen-kun, your friends have been through a great deal of pain."
Ryoma looked at those clear gray eyes, and suddenly, he understood why Taka was so in love with this girl. She was honest and sympathetic, obviously, but Kimiko was more than that. She was sensitive to the pain of others. And that, Ryoma knew, was a quality that she shared with her husband-to-be.
"When did you notice that, Hoshina-san?" was all that he said in response.
"I'm not sure when I realized it completely, but the closer I tried to get to Shusuke-kun, the more I noticed how broken his relationships were with his friends," Kimiko replied, choosing her words carefully. "I'm sure that your friends don't talk much about those years, but… Well, they all had their side to the story, I guess you could say."
She took another deep breath, and then she returned to her original train of thought.
"In any case, it's Fuji's side of the story that I know the best. And as it happens, he had a very hard time in high school. I don't know if you heard much about it, but he had a lot of family problems back then."
Ryoma thought about this. At first, he wasn't sure what she was talking about, but then he recalled one thing that Taka had said, three nights ago in that very room…
…
"Fuji had a lot going on during that time… You know that his brother quit high school and started playing in the minor circuits back then. And his family wasn't too happy about it…"
…
"I heard that his brother started playing in the minor circuits," he said at last. "Was that the problem?"
Kimiko nodded. She hadn't seen everything, of course, but she could still recall visiting the Fuji household back then, when the tension in the air had been stifling.
And she knew that whatever hints of suppressed frustration she may have felt, it couldn't have compared to what Fuji had endured alone…
…
"I'm leaving, Aniki. And nothing you say is going to stop me. I don't know why you're always holding on to everything all the time. It's not like I'm going away forever, you know."
"Mother and Father are always arguing about him now. You know that. Shusuke, if you'd just say something to them, instead of always hiding away like this… Maybe then they wouldn't fight so much."
"Shusuke, I won't hear any more of this! You're going to go to a respectable college and getting a real job, and that's final. You should know better than your little brother. You can't build a life on dreams and desires."
…
"Shusuke-kun responded to the problem somewhat strangely," Kimiko managed at last, looking very uncomfortable. "He refused to talk about what was going on. I only heard about it indirectly, usually through Eiji-kun or Takashi, who didn't want me to worry too much. But, more than that…"
Her voice grew slower, as though it was painful to explain.
"… He would lock himself in his room at home, for days at a time, and he wouldn't come out."
A chill went down Ryoma's spine, and suddenly, the strange photographs in Fuji's portfolio flashed through his memory.
With the screaming sound of broken glass, those two eyes stared at him from behind the murky windowpane…
"Why? What was wrong with him?" Ryoma asked, more as a way of distracting himself from those frightening images than anything else.
But it was her response that frightened him the most.
…
"It's an awfully long way to fall, isn't it? ... Especially for those of us standing the closest to the sky!"
…
"Shusuke-kun has a repressed form of schizophrenia," she said.
…
Ryoma stood up from his seat, and he laughed. It was a hollow kind of laugh, the kind full of the most pained irony.
"That's ridiculous," he said flatly. "Fuji-senpai isn't schizophrenic. He's much too aware of himself for that. And believe me, I know… I…"
He couldn't quite go on, but his mind went ahead a mile a minute, thinking of Fuji, thinking of the rain… Thinking of how there had never been a second where he had doubted that Fuji Shusuke knew exactly what he was doing.
No, this was ridiculous. This was a soap opera. This was a badly-written movie script.
But Fuji Shusuke wasn't schizophrenic.
And yet…
… the gleam in those eyes, behind that shattered windowpane…
…
"Echizen-kun, I understand how you feel," Kimiko was saying. "I didn't believe it either. My father is a psychiatrist, and so he's always analyzing all the people he meets. And so, when I would come to my mother in tears, my father would jump in, saying what 'my boyfriend's signs clearly pointed to…'"
She sighed, burdened with the weight of the memories.
"Of course I didn't believe him. I thought he was just being my father… But even though Shusuke-kun is very self-aware, he could be completely shattered on the inside, and no one would ever know the difference."
Ryoma couldn't deny that much. Whatever else the tensai was, he was a master at hiding his true self.
And if that was the case…
Didn't it make perfect sense that he couldn't believe it?
"Shusuke-kun is a very strong person," Kimiko added sadly. "He is so strong, in fact, that he represses his own symptoms. I don't know how much you know about schizophrenia, but the truth is…"
…
"Kimiko, dear, you have to understand that schizophrenia is a very specific mental disorder. It doesn't mean that Shusuke-kun is bipolar, or that he has duel personalities. It only means that he has delusions about reality, and quite probably hallucinations of some kind…"
"People say that schizophrenics are often prone to drug abuse, especially that of nicotine. Drinking alcohol can also be a way to numb the senses so that the hallucinations are less severe…"
"When men are afflicted with schizophrenia, they will usually show the first signs in their late teens…"
"… The most typical sign of the disease is when the victim becomes withdrawn from others, and perhaps is incoherent or exhibits strange behavior."
…
"Shusuke-kun is very strong," Kimiko said again, after she had finished her explanation. "He would never admit that he has a problem like that. But Takashi and I know that this is the truth, Echizen-kun. It's the only explanation that makes sense. And so…"
She paused for a moment, and then added one final thought.
"When Shusuke-kun hit me, or hurt his friends, or ignored his family… I firmly believe that it wasn't really his fault. I hope you can understand, Echizen-kun."
Ryoma had heard everything that she had said, but he couldn't manage a response. He was completely stunned.
It made sense. It made far too much sense…
And it hurt. It hurt, because despite Kimiko's sympathetic words, he couldn't help thinking that the cause of Fuji's illness pointed to only one person…
And that person was him.
He didn't know why he would matter so much to Fuji. And maybe he didn't. But somehow… whatever had triggered the tensai's illness…
… Ryoma had an ugly feeling that it could be traced back to his departure five years ago.
But that missing piece…
Where was that missing piece?
…
"And you thought you were going to save us, didn't you?…
… To save us….
… SAVE US!"
…
"Hoshina-san, thank you for telling me," Ryoma said at last, a strangely determined look coming into his eyes. He met the girl's gaze for a moment, and gave her a slight bow. "And now, if you'll excuse me…"
He began to head toward the door, much to Kimiko's surprise.
"Echizen-kun, where are you going?" she called, perplexed.
"I have somewhere I need to be!" he replied, not even looking back, as he shut the door of the sushi shop behind him.
Kimiko stared at the door for a moment, and then was startled out of her train of thought by the feeling of two strong arms, as they embraced her from behind.
"Where is he going?" she couldn't help murmuring to her husband-to-be.
"I think he's going to find Fuji," Taka answered, leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek to thank her.
"Because he's Echizen, after all."
- end of chapter fifteen -
A/N: Gaaaahhhhh! XDDD This chapter is so late! I'm very sorry, everyone. My sincerest apologies. I had a few commitments this past weekend that I couldn't get out of, and then, the worst thing that can ever happen to a writer actually happened… I got WRITER'S BLOCK! Uggghhhh…. That just figures. Naturally, when I try to go and reveal Fuji's Big Secret, writer's block strikes. … Is that just Fuji for you, or what?
Fuji: -smirks- That'll teach you to try and exposit about me.
Me: … Thanks a lot, Fuji. XP
In any case, despite the efforts of Fuji, one of the big secrets is out! … And now, cue the "What in the -bleep- is wrong with your head?" reviews. Lol. XD I also realize there are some things about this secret that aren't fully explained yet. That's just around the corner, though, I promise. And with any luck, perhaps some of you could see this secret coming, based on earlier chapters? Lol, well, maybe not. I mean, it's Fuji, after all…
(I do want to point out that most of my descriptions of the disease are 100 percent accurate. The only fallacy was intentional, and that will get sorted out later… It's Ryoma's assumption that his actions could have triggered the disease. But I did want you all to know I didn't make this stuff up… I really did research it!)
Anyway, I hope this chapter was worth the wait, despite my incompetence. More will be posted as soon as I can get it up, even though this next chapter will be tricky, so cross your fingers for me. And let me know what you thought of chapter fifteen!
As always, the FAQ is posted under my author profile, and e-mail me any questions.
Coming Up Next: Having discovered the truth about Fuji, Ryoma figures out the missing piece. With that knowledge, everything begins to fall into place, but the most shocking of all the secrets is still waiting to be discovered…