Chapter Eleven: Telephone Bills from Hell

The date… well, if we were to have asked Mizuki, he would have described it as 'to hell and back', just as Fuji had promised. Let's get into too much detail, for the events that have occurred were just too horrific and terrible to even whisper about. Let's just say that when Yuuta knocked on Mizuki's door…

"Mizuki-san?" the teen called, knocking again, harder this time, when there was no answer. "Mizuki-san, are you okay?"

"W-W-W-Who i-i-i-is i-i-i-it-t-t-t…?" came Mizuki's stuttering voice, so unlike his usually calm and high-strung one.

"It's Yuuta," Yuuta sighed. From within the room, there was a sudden din of clattering and clashing before Mizuki's terrified voice could be heard:

"N-N-N-No! P-Please! D-D-D-Don't k-k-kill m-me! I-I-I h-h-hav-ven't d-d-done a-a-anyth-th-thing w-w-wrong!"

Yuuta rolled his eyes. His brother was truly scary, truly. To think he- she could even have changed the unchangeable Mizuki into a squeaking stammering mouse was just… unbelievable. No, not unbelievable. It was straight out scary.

"Mizuki-san, no one's going to kill you," Yuuta insisted.

"N-N-No…! P-Please g-g-go aw-w-way!" Mizuki wailed. "O-O-Or e-e-else m-m-m-master w-will… m-m-m-master w-w-w-will… k-k-k-k-i-i-i… k-k-k-k… k-k-k-k…"

Yuuta stared at the door. Forget scary. The day Mizuki called his brother 'master' (which, apparently, was today) can only be described as horrifically terrorizing. Somehow, the thought of his brother in a devil costume with fanged teeth wielding a whip and laughing evilly with Mizuki petrified in a little mouse costume whimpering at his feet just didn't… just didn't calculate.

The boy sighed and turned away, not wanting to try and reason with his sempai anymore. But honestly. He really needed to talk to his brother… eh, sister.

Fuji, meanwhile, was receiving a lecture on the phone from Tezuka about life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and of course…

"Fuji," Tezuka sighed as he rubbed his temple and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Tezuka, I am," Fuji insisted, but she couldn't help smiling. "But I couldn't help it, and as I recall, you-"

Their conversation was interrupted with an abrupt beep.

"Atobe's on the other line," Tezuka muttered as he put Fuji on hold. A couple seconds later, the two of them came on again.

"… and I demand-"

"Kei-chan? Have you heard the rumors?" Fuji laughed evilly. She could just picture the teen pale at the sound of her voice, which might as well be that of the devil's advocate.

"…You…!" Atobe screamed. "Tezuka, why is…!"

"If you had complaints, Atobe, you might as well let her hear it too," Tezuka said in total deadpan, though you might have picked up some hints of gloating in there if you really tried.

"Oh, complaints? What kind of-"

But once again, another beep interrupted the threesome's conversation.

"Ah, it's Yuuta, let me put him on," Fuji said happily.

"Aniki, why is Mizuki suddenly acting like a traumatized mouse?" Yuuta sighed. "And WHY is he calling you his master?"

"Mizuki?" Tezuka asked with an air of confusion.

"Oh, right," Atobe replied leisurely. "I couldn't have your teammate tainting my reputation anymore, so I sent her somewhere else."

"…Wait, who are they?" Yuuta asked.

"My friends from the forest," Fuji replied with a giggle.

"Right… Maybe I should call you back, Aniki, after you three-"

BEEP!

"It's Inui," Tezuka said emotionlessly.

"Put him on!" Fuji cheered.

"No, don't put him on, we don't need anymore-"

"Ah, Tezuka," Inui began. "And there's an ninety seven percent chance that Fuji is on this line too, and a seventy-nine percent chance that Atobe is on this line as well, and a forty-two percent chance that Fuji's younger brother is here as well."

"Yuuta!" Yuuta hollered. "It's Y-U-U-T-A Yuuta! Not Fuji's younger brother! Someone get it right?"

"There was a hundred percent chance that you would have said that," Inui noted. "Anyway, Tezuka, Echizen and Momoshiro are-"

BEEP!

"Why are there so many interruptions!" Atobe growled, clearly agitated and stressed. After all, he was locked up in his room, lights off, curtains shut, and a huge uproar of people outside. Who wouldn't be stressed?

"BUCHOU! This is Momoshiro with Echizen and-"

"Momo-sempai… don't be so loud."

"You're cousin's marrying Atobe!"

"… Okay, I'm hanging up," Yuuta declared as he exited himself from the call.

"Hey, who was that?" Momoshiro called obliviously.

"… and then there was a sixty-four percent…"

"… just shut up and…"

"… joy of blackmail…"

BEEP!

"… percent chance that Eiji will…"

"… phone bill and the stupid media…"

"… so much fun…"

"Hoi! Everyone, be quiet for a second, nya!"

All the lines immediately silenced as Eiji poked into the conversation. It seemed that there was just more and more and more people coming in and-

BEEP!

"Atobe, have you noticed how your fiancée strangely resembles-"

"Nya, who are you?" Eiji demanded. The uproar began again.

"… Oshitari, she does…"

"… don't understand, Echizen…"

"… is mada mada dane…"

"… chance that Yamabuki…"

"… camera film…"

"… gone, nya!"

"… know she is Fuji Syusuke…"

"… DESTROYED my reputation…"

"… hungry, Echizen…"

"… eat, mada mada dane…"

"… ninety-seven percent that Rikkai will…"

"… pink dress, Tezuka…"

"… toothpaste, nya!

"… marrying her…"

"… Everyone, be quiet!"

There was silence once more as Tezuka's slightly agitated voice effectively shut their mouths' up.

"Can everyone who was not involved with the original conversation please-"

BEEP!

"Momoshiro-kun? It's An. I was wondering if you could come over here for a bit. Kamio-kun is-"

BEEP!

"MOMOSHIRO! I WANT YOU DOWN HERE NOW! SO I CAN CRUSH YOU AND-"

BEEP!

"Fuji, it's Saeki. Little Yuuta here is-"

BEEP!

"Echizen-kun desu! It's horrible desu! Akutsu-sempai is-"

BEEP!

"Kamio. I think everyone hates me. I was walking down this street when this old lady dropped her purse, and when I tried to pick it up, her son told me to back off and I was only trying to help and all and then-"

BEEP!

"Dan-kun! It's Minami! You better come down to the courts now because Akutsu is having another-"

BEEP!

"Ah, Sadaharu. I just saw the latest news in the media and it is my guess that you-"

BEEP!

"Yanagi-sempai! Can you please tell Niou-sempai to stop burning-"

BEEP!

"Yuushi! WHY aren't you here yet! We've been waiting for forever, and if you see Atobe, tell him to-"

BEEP!

"An, if you're randomly calling people again for-"

BEEP!

"Kirihara! I just burned your-"

BEEP!

"Saeki, it's Atsushi. I want to talk about that bill-"

BEEP!

"Atsushi da ne! Mizuki is in-"

BEEP!

"Atobe! Did you see my stuffed-"

BEEP!

"Jirou? I just wanted to let you know you left your-"

BEEP!

"Marui, it's Jackal. Sanada said-"

BEEP!

"Oh! I'm so unlucky! Akutsu is-"

BEEP!

"YOU #$! I'LL KILL-"

BEEP!

"Atsushi it's Ryou, and about that-"

BEEP!

"Niou, stop starting bonfires in the-"

BEEP!

"Aniki, I called back because Mizuki is-"

BEEP!

"Yanagi, why is my-"

BEEP!

"Sanada? Is everything all-"

BEEP!

"Yuuta, do you know why Mizuki is-"

BEEP!

"Eiji, did something happen? Everyone is-"

BEEP!

"Tachibana-san, it's Ishida and I-"

BEEP!

"This is Kajimoto and-"

BEEP!

"Kajimoto! Tell those two little twin brats to-"

BEEP!

"Uh… Um… R-Ryoma-kun… I…"

BEEP!

"Sakuno! Did you call him yet? Did you? Did you? Did you? Did you? Did-"

"Everyone who isn't part of the original conversation please hang up, now!" It was one of those few times when Tezuka was just truly scary, and everyone just couldn't help but obey due to fear of his wrath. So the less that pleasant phone relay was put to a-

BEEP!

"Yo! Osakada! How dare you insult my two years of sewing-"

"NOW!"

Tezuka, Fuji, and Atobe never did quite finish their telephone conversation. Atobe had hung up after sliding in a few insults at the two, and Tezuka left saying something about telephone bill. Fuji hung up soon after.

"Saa… That went well, didn't it, Mizuki-chan?"

"Y-y-y-y-yes …. M-m-m-m-master…"

"Now, about that purple miniskirt you're going to wear on Thursday…"

And hell froze over.