Harry Potter police people: uh, m'am, please put your hands behind...

Mitsuko: I ain't owning it, dang, back away from me! DISCLAIMER

police: you have the right to remain silent--

Mitsuko: Will ya stop! Ok, 5th chapter! mentions to police git yo' filthy hands away from me, molester!I'm takin this to court! Oh, yes, thank you for the reviewers--Harmonious Pumpkiteers, lotrgtw (thanx 4 that, I look forward 2 food after skool, but that's me), SherbetKitty (well, Slughorn's got a screw loose, dunn he?), and skichik, aaah!LET GO OF MEEEEEEE!

Masterminds of the Green Greedy and the Green Thumb

The fresh morning dawned over Hogwarts. Every student was in the Great Hall, getting schedules and such. Minerva looked over hers. Hmm...Monday-1st G/S, 1st H/R, 2nd G/S, 2nd H/R...Four classes. That's good. I'll start with the rules and regulations, then we'll go from there... She bit on her toast, slowly perusing the rest of the week's list and savoring the flavor of toast on her tongue.

"That's quite a good schedule you have there, Minerva," a voice said behind her.

"Holy sh--" the Headmistress almost screamed. She looked around and saw the whole school staring back at her. "--erbets," she meekly said, a good fifty decibels lower than her, erm, uh, reaction.

"Nice wake-up call, Minerva! Heard it all the way out in the Quidditch shack!" chuckled Amelia, now walking into the Teacher's Table.

"Now, really, we must not encourage it. Minerva, even at your position at Deputy, I must admit, that isn't the kind of language that we must impress upon our students. Don't you agree, Albus?" cooed Professor Lilycove, clad in her long flowy wizard robes certainly not appropriate for a Herbology class.

"Actually, I think my deputy's reaction is natural since I did scare her out of her wits. Right, Min?" asked the Headmaster.

"You didn't scare me! You just...surprised me, that's all," concluded Minerva. Penelope looked from Albus to Minerva and scoffed.

"All right. I can see I won't win in this situation here."

"Well, that's it for me, I'm afraid," said Minerva, carefully putting her knife and fork together. She took her wand and whispered a few words on her plate. It turned into a dove and perched on her finger. Minerva set it in front of her while she wrote a note and slid it into its tiny claws. She took it in her finger again and guided the little dove to fly out the Great Hall's doors. The school was awed. "Wow," murmured Amelia.

"Er, Professor, what did you do?" a little girl's voice rang in the silence.

"Don't you have to thank the provider for the food they made for you to strengthen your minds for the day?" Minerva questioned. "Please excuse me," she stood up, pushed back her chair quietly, and left the hall. The silence was eerie, but it lasted for another moment. Finally, Albus declared, "Continue with your breakfast. Classes will begin shortly."

A few minutes later, the bell rang for the classes to start. As students piled out the doors to get there, a couple of teachers remained, the Potions and Herbology teachers, to be exact.

"Horace, would you do me a favor?" Penelope asked.

"Anything for the best planter to roam the school," said Slughorn the kiss-ass...

"Would you find any..How do I say this? Incriminating information on our fellow Deputy Headmistress?" Lilycove glanced, to see if anyone else was there.

"Gladly, Professor, gladly. Although, we'll have to talk about the payment, now, won't we?"

"Oh, of course, the payment, my dear professor. I can influence my husband to give a certain Potions master a high ranking position once we've booted off the woman holding it, right?"

"But how am I sure? I'll need collateral, Penelope."

"Take my engagement ring then. It's a deal?" She took off her ring, her "undying love" for the Headmaster and gave it to the scheming bald man.

"Yes.. A deal."

O

"Attendance first." The Transfiguration Professor took out two pieces of parchment. "Gryffindor 1st years. Slytherin, copy the rules on the board while I'm calling attendance."

"Black."

"Here."

"Evans."

"Here, m'm."

"Finnegan."

"Here."

"Longbottom."

"Here,m'm."

"Lupin."

"Here, m'm."

"Pettigrew."

"At the nurse's office," someone said.

"Potter."

"I'm here, duh? First day of school, and teacher's already --."

"5 points from Gryffindor for your disrespect. Weasley. "

"Wh--?"

"You want detention?"

"No, ma'am."

"So. like I said, is Weasley here or not?"

"He's here."

"Copy the rules at the board while I'm calling attendance for Slytherin."

O

What's really going on that woman's mind? thought Albus. When I hired her, she was all nice. I kissed her last night, she acts disheveled. In the morning, she acts like nothing's going on and sends a frickin' dove to prove it! ARRRRRRRRRRGGH...Albus slammed his hand on his desk. Why don't I just go up to her room, and we can sort this whole thing out now? Why not?

"Albus? Are you in there?" a wandering Herbology professor silently closed the door behind her. "Dear sweetums?"

"Why, hello, Penny. Good morning to you. How was your sleep last night?" Albus asked, returning the kiss his fiancee bestowed upon him.

"Well, miserably, if you must know the truth. You weren't right by my side, Albus since you believe against premarital blah-blah," Penelope said. 'Premarital Blah-Blah' was her way of expressing her annoyance at the fact that her man wasn't about to get his mojo going on until the wedding night. And she was furious about that, mind you.

"Is that all, Penny? I am kinda busy, and don't you have any classes?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. You're more involved around your work than you are around me. My classes?" She glanced at him. "Minerva's got most of my first years, and the older students are in other classes, I'm afraid. Stupid jerks wanted the smart lot for themselves. I gave my third year Hufflepuffs the books. They don't really have the flair for the planting, if you know what I mean."

Hmm...I know for sure that a handful of those Hufflepuffs have grown marvelous herbs and other greeneries...There's something wrong, Albus pensieved...

"So, how's Minerva on her first day? She seemed to have done a first impression on the students this morning," said Lilycove, referring to the "Sherbet-Dove" number. "Are you sure her credentials are right? McGonagall's lip sure have earned her quite the 'street rep' from the school, but that dove 'good manner' thing was a great come-back."

"In the order of your comments, my dear: yes, I did check her spectacular credentials, she is prone to do that, due to the fact that it was just a reaction really, and she always thanks the host or hostess that cooked the meal, ever since her first feast in Hogwarts here as a student. I'm sure you and you girl mates at Beauxbatons did the same?"

"Never, Albus! Those lowly houselves do not need reminding their duties, it is their responsibility to cook, and not our duty to thank them!" said Penny, carefully reciting the code of the French school. "What are her credentials exactly, and what made them so 'spectular' in your own opinion?"

"For one, she was the first in her Advanced Transfiguration class to graduate in Hogwarts, under my own guidance. Minerva got her master's and bachelor's degrees at the Richard's College for Alchemy and Transfiguration. I was her thesis adviser until then. That enough credentials for you?" He sounded offended at her opinion of his choice. "Is that all you came for dear?"

Whoa...Talk about protective shield coming up...Penelope was shocked. Certainly there was something going on here. But what? No matter. It'll come clear soon enough when Horace, the slug of a bastard, comes up with the info. "No, that'll be all, dear. Thank you for listening to my daily rambles..." Professor Lilycove quietly stepped out.

My Christmas present to all you ADMM people...and others who wanted something, or just depressed...