A.N: The poem is the part in brackets. The italics are speech. This chapter is a series of flashes of memories. The poem is by Felicia Connor. I had to reorganize it a bit for it to work. I think it's the shortest one so far, but there's something about it I'm in love with.
Without You
-Felicia Connor
I love you, Remus.
I love you too, Severus. You have no idea how long I've wanted to say that - and hear it.
(Hearing words you said to me
Made me happy,
Stopped the pain.)
His kisses always taste like chocolate dipped strawberries. It's like he lives on them. I started to really enjoy sweet like that after we first kissed.
He sits on my lap and takes my book, setting it on the coffee table. Chocolate and strawberry kisses.
I love you, Severus, he whispers.
I smile. I know, I say and kiss him again.
(You touched my life like no other has.
You made me happy when I was sad.
Even though I only said it once or twice,
You were the very first love of my life.)
Chocolate and strawberry kisses. I think of nothing else as I sip my brandy. It is oddly bitter tonight. The fire is dieing down, but I do not move to rebuild it. It is not worth it. It is not like anyone is coming to see me anyway.
(But now you're gone and your love went too
I just can't stop thinking about you.
I don't know when your love for me had gone
But when it went, it brought me down.)
I'm so sorry Severus. I don't know what to say. I don't answer. I still care about you. I do! It's just … different. Gods …
My legs feel like they are about to give out. It's like Crucio, but it is somehow stronger. The pain is both physical and emotional. Amazing how all this anguish has been caused by a few simple words. My heart actually hurts. I'm not ready for this. I need him. I cannot look at him. Merlin, make it stop!
(You said you didn't feel anything special anymore.
This made me want to hit the floor.
I still have all these feelings for you.
They make me hurt; I just don't know what to do
Without you.)
Last night was the full moon. I wonder if he is in pain. I hate knowing that he is, and there is not a single thing I can do for him. He doesn't want my assistance. But I sent him the wolfsbane potion - I hope he took it.
I wonder if he was expecting to see me there this morning, hoping that I would have gone to him. I wonder if he misses me. I have been there every morning after for over two years now. I made him chocolate chip pancakes sometimes. They are his favourite.
(Thinking of you,
Wondering if you're thinking of me,
Has made me sad,
Has made me blue.)
I just miss him so much.
Even to talk to him would be enough.
(Not only did I lose my first love
I lost the best friend I ever had.)