Chapter 2: Aqua Wisp
Mount Zenom. A land of intrepid wilderness. A land of rocky crags and sheer cliffs. A land of bitter cold and crawling glaciers. A land of, well, you get the point by now, I'm sure.
Jack and Gallows were driving a dirt road through the desert in a small 4x4 jeep. It was painted green because some genius back at HQ thought that would be camouflage, on Filgaia, the desert planet. The wind was refreshing as it blew past, sending Gallows and Jacks long hair trailing behind them.
"So…" Gallows began. "What kind of place is this Mount Zenom?"
Jack furrowed his brow. "Weren't you listening at all? The narrator already described it for us."
Gallows frowned. "Sorry, sheesh. I was, you know, not paying attention. It's a free country."
"Is it?" Jack eyed his fellow agent. "Is it a free country? Can we do whatever we like Gallows? Huh? Huh?"
"Uh, yea." Gallows replied.
"Oh. Thanks for clearing that up." Jack replied. "Hey, look ahead!"
The Jeep stopped as the two stepped out of the car. Lying in the road before them was some kind of dead creature. It stank of rotten flesh and over all was a mess.
"And why did we get out of the jeep?" Gallows asked.
"Look at it. It's a reindeer." Jack crouched into the sand.
"Reindeer?" Gallows raised an eyebrow.
"Reindeer. Smaller kind of deer." Jack answered. "But this fella wouldn't be this far out unless…"
"Unless…" Gallows responded.
Just at that moment, an entire herd of reindeer emerged from the dry brush. It was an awesome sight as hundreds of the deer charged into the agents.
Gallows grabbed onto Jack as their impending doom came upon them. "I love you Sarge!"
The two were then trampled to death by the oncoming herd of festive holiday critters. BAD END…
All right, when was the last time anybody used a gimel coin? Honestly, you never seem to have one around when you need one, but when you don't need em; you get 99 of them. Then when you try using opening a treasure box, you can't 'cus you're already maxed out on gimel coins. Then you forget about the treasure chest and then when you do the black box mission, you're missing a box and you can't remember where it was! So then you go spend all of your gimel coins on an EX-file key in the Elw dimension and now you can't seem to find ANY gimel coins at all! So then you tackle the abyss with like four gimel coins and-
"We get the point!" Jack roared. Apparently the two of them had been spared death.
"Yea, but just barely." Gallows rubbed his head. The two were covered in deer prints. "Well that was a random thing to run into…"
"Well it is a Christmas special and… hold a tick!" Jack suddenly got an idea.
"Yea?" Gallows asked.
"Hold on, I'm still thinking. That's why I told you to hold on." Jack placed a finger to his lip.
"Uh huh." Gallows then looked to where the reindeer had come from. Before him lied a great mountain, however, unlike say, previous description, it was covered in tropical trees and shrubbery. The sounds of birds and monkeys resounded from the peak. Agent 003 pulled out the map and stared long and hard.
"O.K! If the reindeer were here, then that means that Christmas can't be too far off!" Jack finally announced. "We must be near Mount Zenom!"
"Yea, like right in front of it!" Gallows pointed to the peak.
"Huh?" Jack shielded his eyes with his hand. "I coulda swore that Mount Zenom was like, covered with snow."
"Well let's blame global warming and call it a day." Gallows stood up and dusted off his knees. "Now! Let's go find some evil!"
The two hopped back into the jeep and with a turn of a key, the engine came back to life. The jeep then put-putted its way into the deep dark jungle.
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Night had come to the peak and with it some heavy rain. This was most unexpected because (A) it's Filgaia we're talking about here and (B) well, that's pretty much it. Unfortunately, the two secret agents were without hats (Jack had left his hat at the Chateaux like an idiot) and the jeep lacked a roof. So the two drove through the muddy trails being poured upon. This did not make them any happier than the mosquitoes or the humidity.
"This sucks. I mean, what the hell?" Gallows fumed through his soaking wet clothes.
"Yea I know. " Jack replied. "Couldn't get much worse than this."
"No! You fool!" Gallows lunged to cover Jack's mouth, but it was too late. Jack had uttered those words and now they could only wait for the inevitable. The Jeep then died on the spot.
"Haven't you seen ANY movie at all!" Gallows roared.
Jack sighed and stared at the high beams piercing the brush. "It seemed like the right thing to say."
"It's a pointless expression, a cliché that's used only by habit." Gallows suddenly sounded intelligent.
The rain continued to pour. Jack leaned on the steering wheel. "G.U.A.R.D.I.A.N… who could those bastids be? Maybe we should start walking."
"It's dark out Jack. You know what they say happens in jungles after dark." Gallows replied.
"…Carnival?" Jack replied.
"…You know, you're right. There's probably a party going on!" Gallows smiled.
"Well let's go for it then! Maybe G.U.A.R.D.I.A.N is at the party!" Jack became optimistic. "Can't be much worse than staying here."
Gallows growled. "You've gone and done it again! Never say those words!"
It was too late, yet again. At first the reverberations were small, simply creating a vibration in the passengers of the jeep. But then they became stronger. Jack eyed a puddle that had formed under the windshield on the dashboard. Small ripples undulated from the center outward. "Uh, Gallows…"
Gallows swallowed, reaching for his trusty PP7. "Yea?"
"Do you… feel that?" Jack asked.
THUMP. Now it was audible. A few birds took off into the dark storm.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Gallows whispered to his partner.
"That we get the hell out of here?"
THUMP! The sound of mud squishing and plants being crushed followed. The trees began to sway for whatever was coming.
"No." Gallows bit his lip as water ran down his nose. "That Green and Red Bagels would be the perfect Christmas idea…"
Jack just gave Gallows the oddest look before the brush separated for the colossal beast. The two men instantly looked up into the rain-drenched skies to see an enormous reptile looming over them. It stood on two read legs while it kept its two arms tucked under its massive brown chest. A giant set of jaws were sitting in the huge horned head, eyes searching for trespassers… or worse… prey.
Gallows swallowed and turned to Jack. "Th-that's a dinosaur."
Jack shook his head. "No. That's a Denogenos."
The Denogenos, as Jack called it, snorted rainwater from its nostrils and continued scanning the forest with its yellow, cold-blooded eyes.
Gallows watched the creature cautiously, not daring to move. "The hell is a Denogenos?"
"You're the Baskar. Didn't you pay attention to anything they taught you?" Jack whispered harshly.
"No. What's a Denogenos?" Gallows replied. He'd been asked this question too many times to take it seriously anymore.
"It's the guardian of the summit. I saw it on the Discovery Channel once." Jack answered. "Too bad we don't have a shaman with us…"
"Who needs a shaman?" Gallows grinned. "When you have a Baskar! We invented the whole thing!" Gallows then stood up out of his seat, immediately attracting Denogenos' attention. The beast snorted and growled, with each step, the mountain shook once more. "Hey Denogenos! Become a medium for me!" Gallows shouted.
Jack rolled out of the jeep and into the mud. "Gallows! Freeze!"
Denogenos, it seemed, did not care who Gallows was or if he was a Baskar. With a loud roar, the enormous beast trotted the few steps and bit down on Gallows meek torso, then proceeding to shake it through the air until it was nice, tender, and full of broken bones. The creature then proceeded to flipping whatever was left into the air and then wolfing it all down as it fell into its gaping mouth. BAD END.
Let's try that gimel coin once more.
Jack rolled out of the jeep and into the mud. "Gallows! Freeze!"
Gallows leaped from the jeep into the mud beside Jack as Denogenos ripped into the jeep. The holy beast found the leather chairs quite tasty and set into tearing them from the rest of the vehicle. Gallows looked to Jack. "Freeze huh?"
Jack shrugged. "I saw it in a movie once." He then noticed the wet mud all over him. "Oh damn, there goes this suit."
"We've got more important things to worry about, but I agree. My tux is ruined." A tired soared through the brush. "How do we get past Denogenos here?"
"I bet G.U.A.R.D.I.A.N sicked him on us." Jack rubbed his chin. He then noticed a couple of flares lying in the mud. "Hey! That gives me an idea!"
"What! What's your fabulous idea?" Gallows whispered.
Jack shoved the flares into Gallows' hands. "Light these and run down the mountain trail. I'll head on up and take care of G.U.A.R.D.I.A.N and any parties.
"That doesn't sound fair." Gallows narrowed his soaking eyebrows.
"Life isn't fair. Now go!" Jack then shoved Gallows crouching body onto the trail. Denogenos stopped his car munching to notice the human before him. Gallows' knees began to shake as Denogenos let out a frightening roar.
"It's all for Christmas. It's all for Christmas…" Gallows muttered under his breath. He flipped the cap on the first flare, immediately setting it to life. Bright sparks emitted from the rod and pink smoke rose. Denogenos was paying close attention, like a cat to a hanging piece of string. Gallows smiled. "Here guardian guardian guardian. Come get your toy!" Gallows then stated to run down the trail. Denogenos snorted and let out a reptilian cry of glee, shaking the earth as it began to follow the homo sapien.
"Heh, he called you a homo." Jack smirked as he quietly began to creep up the mountain trail towards the summit.
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Gallows ran and ran; however Denogenos was catching up. All this mud, rain, and the fact that he was running downhill didn't help one bit. Denogenos was becoming dangerously close and Gallows didn't wish to become another snack. He then threw the flares as far as he could ahead of him and slipped, landing in the mud on his back and sliding a bit before Denogenos overtook him, the giant creature running in full sprint ahead of him. Gallows let out a sigh of relief. He was now about 79 percent covered in mud. Gallows waited a bit for Denogenos to completely disappear in the foliage before getting up. He turned over and got to his knees when the thudding came back. Gallows sweat joined with the rainwater on his face as he peered over his shoulder. Down the trail emerged Denogenos, flares in his set of seven-inch teeth. Denogenos stood there behind Gallows, wagging his enormous tail and staring at the man. Gallows had no clue what was going on until Denogenos dropped the flares into the mud before him. The guardian continued to stand there, wagging its tail patiently.
Apprehensively, Gallows reached for the flares. Gallows grimaced, as they were covered in mud and guardian drool. Eewww! He picked one up and looked to Denogenos, whose attention was fixated upon the flare. "You- You want to play fetch?" Gallows asked. This was kinda weird. Denogenos was wagging his tail so hard that his rear end was shaking as well. Gallows stood up, watching Denogenos watch the flare. "Play fetch! Play fetch! Here stupid! Get the stick!" Gallows then threw the flare beyond Denogenos. The best roared as it turned around and chased the flare into the night once more. The agent then turned and started booking up the slope, towards whatever party Jack was at.
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Next time on L/I: Licensed by Idiots: Jack and Gallows are in for a surprise. It turns out the tomb their raiding is really a Hollywood movie set! Who's tricking who on the next episode of L/I!
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It's now time for Lilka Says! Lilka says: Sharing can be fun and profitable! Share you CD collection with friends and maybe they'll share with you! Then you can burn them all onto your computer and never buy another CD again. It's not freeloading, it's sharing!
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