Summary
Itachi's having problems with one of his subordinates - an overly
hyperactive 15 year old with the western name of Alex. Almost
driven to the extent of insanity, he decides to two birds with one
stone. He decides to sent Alex after Sasuke looking like him,
with the hope that the younger Uchiha will do her in, and in turn
Sasuke will believe that Itachi was dead and gone.
But, like all things in Uchiha Itachi's life, nothing goes as it seems. Being the ditz that she is, Alex miss interprets "Brother" for the friend "Lover". Now Alex is after Sasuke, completely confused as to what she's supposed to be doing. Heck, she ain't the love machine that Itachi is. What is Sasuke going to do with his new, completely insane, stand in Brother?
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I do own myself. Yes, I consider myself owned - take that!
Okay. You and I both know that I shouldn't be starting a new story - I have like uh... three-ish in the works. But I couldn't help it. My mind wonders. So, I did a selfish thing, and included me in a story. (Go me!) It'll have short chapters, but I'm hoping to make it extremely funny. And before you ask, yes I do declare my undying love and allegience to Itachi in real life - all the time.
Also, I suggest that before you read this, you read my other story Character Crazy. No, this isn't a sequel, it'll help to get some of the jokes (like Kyuubi Ice-cream) when you read this. That, and it'll give you a damn good laugh. You like laughing, right? Anywho, enjoy the first chapter of Uchiha Confusion.
Character Crazy: http/ I wouldn't call this... incest, no, not by a long shot, but it does have Shounen-ai references considering Alex is a complete ditz, and thinks that Itachi and Sasuke are lovers instead of Brothers.
Uchiha Confusion
Grinning, Alex bounced hyperactively around in her cage, the one that she'd been sent too for proclaiming the word 'Ice-cream' fifty times in a row while wearing a pink hat made of feathers. That, and she'd failed to capture (or gather any information) on the Kyuubi on her last mission. "Itachi-sama, when can I come out?"
Itachi sighed. Attaching a piece of raw meat to a pointed pole, he paused momentarily, looking towards his 'right hand girl'. "… Later."
"Later for Itachi-sama! Got ya! What ya going to do with that meat? Huh? Huh?"
"…" Itachi grabbed the handle of the pole, sliding it between the bars of the cage that held her. Giggling hysterically, Alex made a swipe at the meat. Itachi moved it before she could get a good hold on it. This continued until Alex was covered in meat-juice, and Itachi was dead bored, but Alex didn't end up getting the meat.
;-;-;-;-;
"Now that you've learnt your lesson…" Itachi said, trying to ignore the fact that Alex was glancing around the room everywhere, giggling every time her eyes fell on something suggestive. (Like the curtains or a chest of draws.) "I have another mission for you."
"ANOTHER MISSION?" Alex screamed, rocking back and forth on her heels, grinning hyperactively at Itachi, who had instinctively covered his ears. "What kind of mission?"
"… I want you to go back to Konoha."
"WOW! REALLY? You mean you really want that K-K-Kyuu-bi" Alex stuttered over the word. She always managed to pronounce it wrong, "Ice-cream?"
"No. I want you to pay a visit to my brother."
"YOU HAVE FRIENDS?" Alex was clearly shocked. So shocked that she covered her mouth. Itachi sighed, rubbing his temple. Again, Alex had completely confused the situation.
"No, my brother – eh Sasuke – is family. Not my friend."
"Oooooh. So he's your lover then! Itachi-sama… I didn't think you swung that way."
If Alex hadn't been so essential for the mission, he would have put her back in the cage, this time with ravenous monkeys..
"No. He's my Bro-ther. Say it with me. Brother."
Alex didn't say it, but Itachi thought she'd gotten the picture.
"Alright. So this is what you have to do. I want you to go to Sasuke, but I want you to look like me."
"Like you?"
"Yes. Like me. You do know how to use Henge no Jutsu, right?"
Of course Alex knew how too. Itachi had been formulating this plan for over six months, and it had taken just that long for Alex to master the transformation.
"OKAY! I WILL DO AS ITACHI-SAMA SAYS, BECAUSE I AM BLINDLY LOYAL!"
"Excellent…" Itachi muttered, a small smirk flashed across his face that went unnoticed by Alex. I'm so glad she's stupid. Itachi thought offhandedly, pondering his plan one final time. If she transforms into me and goes to find Sasuke, it'd be like killing two birds with one stone! Sasuke would kill her, and that would be a big load off my back, while at the same time Sasuke would give up trying to find me, thinking I'm dead! I'm a genius!
;-;-;-;-;
"I'll do you proud!" Alex declared, saluting to Itachi, who was trying to hide an evident grin that really wanted to pop onto his face. Of course, being the moron she was, it went completely unnoticed by Alex, who bounced up into the air, and over the Akatsuki headquarter walls, and into the forest. Itachi danced.
;-;-;-;-;
"I'm so happy that Itachi-sama trusted me with such an important mission!" Alex babbled to herself, grinning hyperactively. She'd been instructed to transform into Itachi only when she reached Sasuke's puny apartment. "Yeah, yeah, I'm going to do my best! And I'll bring back Kyuubi Ice-cream to make him happy. HORRAY FOR HAPPY! But… I wonder why Itachi-sama didn't just go see his lover himself –"
;-;-;-;-;
Back at Akatsuki Headquarters:
Itachi stopped dancing. He'd just had a really bad feeling, a cold rush of air through a cold window. "Oh shit." He muttered, "I hope she doesn't screw this up… my sexuality is in question here!"
;-;-;-;-;
"- Because, because I think that he'd make a better entrance than I could! And, and, and, I'll bet his lovers a real hotty. Only people who, who, who can date Itachi-sama – other than me, myself and I – have to be hot!"
Grinning hyperactively, she paused, mildly horrified.
"Wait… who's Me and Myself?" Alex suddenly shrieked, clasping her hand over mouth. "COULD ITACHI-SAMA BE IN LOVE WITH ME OR MYSELF AND NOT ME?" She added; "Or Sasuke" as an after thought.
Eventually, our insane hero, reached the apartment where Sasuke was living. The fact that Itachi had scribbled down the address on a small piece of note-paper made Alex even more sure that him and Sasuke were, in fact, lovers. Leaping through the window at the end of the hall, Alex landed almost directly in front of Sasuke's apartment (which out of coincidence was right next the window), looked around, and declared: "Henge no Jutsu!" Almost immediately, she was the spitting image of Itachi – she even had the Sharingan and the Akatsuki cloak.
"Man… I hope I'm as much of a love machine as Itachi-sama is." She muttered, before knocking on the door.
"Yeah, yeah." She heard a deep voice mutter, "I'm coming."
The poor unsuspecting Uchiha opened the door, blinking as he came face to face with what he presumed was his older brother.
"SASUKE!"
Sasuke blinked, completely confused. That being said, you can imagine Sasuke's horror as he was glomped by his homicidal brother's stand in.
To be continued…
I hope you had a good laugh reading the first chapter. And, please, don't forget to review nn!