Chapter 5: Thunder Fang
Last time on L/I: Licensed by Idiots: Stuff happened, I'll get back to you on the details…
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Thunder Lion Cage, a land of mysterious, err, mysteries! A tiny plateau, jutting from a far away continent, sitting along the great reef, separating the inner sea from the mighty ocean. Normally, the skies would be covered in oppressing clouds, rain would be pounding the raging surf, and thunder would strike any things that dare sail. However, because a certain guardian was reduced to a certain kitty, the impressive scene was not there. Instead, our broomstick flying agents found sunny skies and warm temperatures as they came across the rocky crags and sharp rocks that formed the edges of Thunder Lion Cage. The sea crashed into the rocks, sending spray well into the sky. The two broomstick riders easily sailed over the dangerous bit of sea and over a tall, ancient wall into the dark forest. In the middle of the forest, at the center of the land, sitting atop a laypoint (or raypoint) was what appeared to be a temple. Or a large building. Either way, the construction was most likely prehistoric, construed of huge slabs of moss covered stone. The constant rain that had normally befallen the island had long eroded whatever reliefs that had been carved by the original architects. Even with Nua Shax gone, the air was hot and thick, the forest still wet. Gallows and Jack landed right before the main entrance, staring down the large open door.
"You now, for the fact that Filgaia is a desert planet, we seem to be running across a lot of jungles…" Jack pondered.
"And this doesn't really look like a cage…" Gallows pointed out. "It's more of a temple or old building."
"Maybe the mean it metaphorically." Jack replied. "Like Nua Shax was trapped here for all eternity…"
"Yea, well that worked well. Sarcasm, sarcasm." Gallows huffed. "Onward, for Christmas!"
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Somehow, through the magic of the raypoint (or through some leaky plumbing), there was always a bit of drizzle inside the building. And by a bit of drizzle, I mean wet, wet, moisture, constantly raining down from the ceiling. About every square inch was covered in slick moss, covering the worn down statures and columns. Gallows and Jack stepped in, cursing once again their lack of ponchos. The two continued on, in through the temple corridors. It wasn't long before a puzzle completely stumped the two.
The two were standing before a great door. It was sealed shut. Jack and Gallows stared long and hard at the door, trying to figure this one out.
"Well I'm stumped. Time to go download a FAQ." Jack turned around.
"Wait! I got it!" Gallows placed a finger in the air.
"Well?" Jack asked, turning back to him.
"We need a duplicator!" Gallows announced.
"We don't have any." Jack stated.
"Then off to download a FAQ it is!" Gallows then turned around and began to march out when two unfamiliar faces greeted them. She was a young girl, about Lilka's height, but dressed in an orange dress and red high heels. She had long blonde hair and a blue ribbon in her hair that almost resembled rabbit ears. She stood in a haughty, arrogant position, her eyes also reflecting the same notions. Beside her was a tall, elderly chap in a black suit, similar to Gallows', but with an ascot around his neck. His eyes were squinted shut and his hair gray.
"Wow, Maya has a younger sister!" Gallows was confused.
"Outta the way, meat head!" The girl pushed Gallows aside and slid down the incline towards the sealed door. Jack stepped out of the way for the bitc… girl. "Magdalen!"
The elderly man followed after her, returning to her side. "Yes Jane?"
"Remove this door, right away!" Jane commanded. "Christmas is behind there. I can feel it!"
"Woah. Woah. Woah." Jack stepped up to the two. "Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. You two are after Christmas! You wouldn't happen to be G.U.A.R.D.I.A.N, would you?"
Jane rolled her eyes. "ZOMG, WTF, STFU!"
"Well said, Jane." Magdalen complemented the young woman.
"Wow, Jack, you totally got pwned." Gallows elbow jabbed Jack.
"Magdalen, make with the dynamite, chop chop." Jane clapped her hands as she took a step back.
"So if you're not G.U.A.R.D.I.A.N, and you know about Christmas being stolen… Just who the fug are you!" Jack raised an eyebrow.
"Le sigh." Jane once again rolled her big brown eyes. " I'm Agent Calamity Jane A.K.A Jane of ARMS, and this guy is agent Macdullen A.K.A Magdalen of the same. We're here to retrieve Christmas at all costs, as ordered by the president! And just who are you two morons? The Electric Company?"
Gallows frowned. "No, stoopid! I'm agent 003 Gallows Carradine and this is agent Man in the Cowboy Hat Jack van Burace of ARMS! WE'VE been ordered by the president to take back Christmas!"
"Yea, so push off!" Jack stepped closer.
Jane's eyebrow twitched. "Why would he send two teams to recover Christmas! It doesn't make any sense. I'm only here for Christmas and whatever treasures I can find along the way."
"Jees, talk about your humbug!" Jack uttered.
"Well, we're stuck with each other." Gallows crossed his arms across his chest. "It would seem that way. So why don't we try and work together. We're both after Christmas, right?"
Jack and Jane looked to each other and frowned. After a bit, they sighed and nodded. "Right."
"Good." Gallows smiled, being unusually leader like. "I'm going up the hill to play look out. You guys work on the door." With that, Gallows climbed the bank as Jack and Jane glowered at each other.
Jane finished her glowering as Magdalen set up the dynamite. She smiled an evil smile and looked over to Jack, who was still skulking. "Why are we fighting over this? We're both ARMS."
"You're the one who started it." Jack replied.
Jane ignored the comment and walked over to Jack. "We should help each other out, a hand here and there, you know." She turned from Jack, but pressed her body against his. Jack turned bright red as Jane looked back at him, one of her dress straps falling down her arm, and gave him one of her award winning seductive faces. "You find any treasure, you give it to me, okay? I'll make it worth your while…" She took her finger and played with a button on Jack's jacket.
SWEET! Jack thought. "I, uh, sure!" So not suave or cool….
Jane grinned, her features wet from the raypoints mysterious drizzle (or the leaky plumbing.) "Good boy."
Suddenly Gallows went flying down the hill. Well, sliding is a better way to describe it. Something had knocked Gallows down the slope, across the moss, and right under Jane's dress. She immediately turned placed her hands together and screamed, leaping off the bruised agent, and firing into him with her gun, an evil look in her eyes.
One beautiful sight and one gimel coin later, Gallows stood up, rubbing his now many wounds and gritting his teeth. "Why the hell did you do that! Jesus…"
"I'm down here!" Came a voice from beyond the door. Magdalen stepped back from the wall. "This dynamite business has me more worked up than I thought…"
"Why'd you think you stupid perv?" Jane growled.
"That time I didn't fly under a woman's skirt for pleasure." Gallows corrected. "There's a big bird on fire out there. I told him we're closed and he punched me. It hurt a lot!"
"Wait! Then that means they know we're here!" Jane realized.
"This is the part where we run!" Jack stated.
It was a three-man brawl to get to the top. Who would get out the door first! Well, no one, as a certain giant reptilian bird giant poked its fiery head through. The three skidded to a halt. Jack swallowed. "It's Moa Gualt!"
"No you stupid human!" The fire guardian growled, coming further into the temple. "It's Moor Gualt!" He came closer, his flames dying out the room. "What are stupid humans like you doing here at the Thunder Lion Cage!"
"Checking the Electricity!" Gallows went with his useless cover story once more.
"Don't tell me, you're those agents who are trying to reclaim Christmas?" Moor Gualt, once inside the room, raised to his full height.
"…Then we won't…" Jack shrugged.
"Prepare to be roasted!" Moor Gualt roared. He craned his neck to its maximum length and sounded like he was conjuring up the largest of fire based loogies.
"Magdalen! Time to blow!" Jane nervously shouted.
"Roger!" Magdalen placed a hard hat on and leaped back from the door, pulling a wire.
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The moment that door gave way, the four agents ran through into the tall dark halls of Thunder Lion Cage. They were running for freedom. Running for Christmas. Running for their lives. Moor Gualt crashed through, taking a corner and crashing into a wall. His angry roar bellowed through the halls. Jane was in first. I'll never know how because of her high heels, but she was definitely bookin'. Jack and Gallows were behind and if their lives weren't in mortal danger they would have probably enjoyed the view. Magdalen was in rear and he was very, very unhappy about it. Moor Gualt leaped from one wall to another, tearing down chunks of age-old stone and overall making a ruckus. His flames provided the only light in the hall. Taking a chance, the fire guardian sprinted foreword and leaped onto a wall, forcing his talons deep in the cracking wall. With a monstrous scream, a spouted a veritable inferno, turning the hall into a massive oven.
Magdalen looked over his shoulder to see the wall of fire coming his way. "Must go faster!" With new speed, the eldest of the four emerged as vanguard, leaving the others in his dust and at the mercy of hells flames. They all jumped up and fought for first, as the fire got ever closer. The thunderous steps of Moor Gualt followed the fires, His soulless eyes emerging in the flame.
Well, it would appear that all would be lost for our heroes. It would appear that way, but things aren't always as they seem. For just around the corner, Aru Sulato, a plain white giant of the snow, was walking down the hall, whistling a Christmas carol. Suddenly below him four humans turned the corner and ran right underneath him. As surprising as that was, it was nothing compared to Dante's Peak rushing towards him. "Woah, Woah, Woah!" Aru Sulato cried. From his hands sprang forth a blizzard of unfathomable proportions. It was most fortunate that the humans had already passed, as the two extremes met head on, creating a sudden explosion of fog and steam. As the agents ran down the hall, they were suddenly overtaken by an extreme gust of hot fog and steam rushing past them.
Moor Gualt was not pleased. Without his flames, he looked like a black naked reptilian chicken. Aru Sulato was no longer white, but completely covered in soot and ash. The two weren't happy at all. Moor Gualt counted backward from ten and exhaled. He then looked to the blackened giant. "Why did you do that, Aru?"
"If you didn't notice, there was a huge wall of fire coming down the hall, and that happens to be my weakness!" Aru shouted. "I didn't feel like being burned alive by your stupid carelessness!"
"My stupid carelessness! You let those humans run right by you! Thanks to you, I've lost them now!" Moor Gualt growled. "Why am I surrounded by idiots!"
Just then, Lucadia, a giant sea snake (or dragon, but he looks like a snake), slithered onto the scene. He took a look around and whistled. "Hey dudes, looks like there was a gnarly party here. The hallways aren't my place to jam, but whatever works for you, doods!"
"Idiots…" Moor Gualt grumbled…
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Next time on L/I: Licensed by Idiots: Jack, Gallows, Jane, and Magdalen have found themselves in the belly of the beast: Thunder Lion Cage. With at least three guardians on their tails, it won't be easy to find out what's going on! Find out what happens next time on L/I: Licensed by Idiots!
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It's now time for Lilka say's! Lilka says: It's not nice to make prior arrangements with your friends and then abandon them to play with some one else! That's called ditching and it's not very nice. If you have prior arrangements and someone asks you to hang out with them, tell them thanks, but you've got to be somewhere else. That's the right thing to do!
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