Chapter 6: Ice Crystal
This chapter is rated M for mature because I heard that somewhere in the game someone gets stabbed, though I can't confirm this because I'm only on the third level so I'll have to get back to you on that.
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Jack, Jane, Gallows, and Magdalen continued running down the dark hall for their lives until they could run no more. Literally, they couldn't run any more, for they had entered a dead end. The dark stone hall was silent, save for the agents catching their breath.
"I-I think we lost them…" Jane huffed.
The moment she said those words, Moor Gualt and Aru Sulato showed up behind them, raging with flame and ice. Moor Gualt bellowed a deep growl as Aru Sulato cracked his white knuckles. This did not look good for Homestar Runner…
"It's Moa Gualt and some ice thing…" Jack pointed out. Thanks for the obvious, sir!
Moor Gualt raised his head and snorted. "I think I have to update the phone book or something. Everyone keeps calling me that."
"I believe proper introductions are due before we pound you into nothing." Aru Sulato would have grinned if he had a mouth.
A musical tune began in the background, probably from the guardian of show tunes, if there was one. Moor Gualt stomped the ground, forcing three Chapapanga's from the earth. The tiny super heroes knew what they had been called for, as Moor Gualt tend to this often. With little effort, Moor Gualt set the whole hall ablaze, lighting everything in an orange glow. Aru Sulato was quite perturbed, but knew it was all part of the skit. Gallows swallowed. He and musicals didn't go well together.
Moor Gualt:
I'm Mister Green Christmas
I'm Mister Sun
I'm Mister Heat Blister
I'm Mister Hundred and One
They call me Moor Gualt,
What ever I touch
Starts to melt in my clutch
I'm too much!
Chapapangas:
He's Mister Green Christmas
He's Mister Sun
He's Mister Heat Blister
He's Mister Hundred and One
Moor Gualt:
They call me Moor Gualt,
What ever I touch
Starts to melt in my clutch
Chapapangas:
He's too much!
Moor Gualt:
Thank you!
I never want to see a day
That's under sixty degrees
I'd rather have it eighty,
Ninety, one hundred degrees!
(spoken):Oh, some like it hot, but I like it really hot! Hee hee!
Chapapangas:
He's Mister Green Christmas
He's Mister Sun
Moor Gualt:
Sing it!
Chapapangas:
He's Mister Heat Blister
He's Mister Hundred and One
Moor Gualt:
They call me Moor Gualt,
What ever I touch
Starts to melt in my clutch
I'm too much!
All:
Too Much!
The moment Moor Gualt had finished his ditty; Aru Sulato outstretched his hands, bringing forth an icy blizzard, freezing the fires and the rocks, creating a fortress of solitude. The Chapapangas ran towards Aru Sulato and took their places.
Aru Sulato:
I'm Mister White Christmas
I'm Mister Snow
I'm Mister Icicle
I'm Mister Ten Below
Friends call me Aru Sulato
What ever I touch
Turns to snow in my clutch
I'm too much!
Chapapangas:
He's Mister White Christmas
He's Mister Snow
Aru Sulato:
That's right!
Chapapangas:
He's Mister Icicle
He's Mister Ten Below
Aru Sulato:
Friends call me Aru Sulato,
What ever I touch
Turns to snow in my clutch
Chapapangas:
He's too much!
Aru Sulato:
I never want to see a day
That's over forty degrees
I'd rather have it thirty,
Twenty, ten, five and let it freeeeEEEEEEeeze!
Chapapangas:
He's Mister White Christmas
He's Mister Snow
Aru Sulato:
That's right!
Chapapangas:
He's Mister Icicle
He's Mister Ten Below
Aru Sulato:
Friends call me Aru Sulato,
What ever I touch
Turns to snow in my clutch
... too much.
All:
Too Much!
"Oh it was too much all right." Gallows retorted.
"O.K, Sulato, you can unfreeze the place!" Moor Gualt growled.
"Why? It's perfect this way." Aru replied.
"Because it's fuggin freezing!" Moor Gualt barked. "Why am I even talking to you!" The Chapapangas scrambled as Moor Gualt once again set fire to the hall.
"You always force what you like on everyone else!" Aru Sulato shouted. "Well I like it cold!" The agents went from sweating to shivering rather quickly, but none dare interfere.
"Is that how you want to play!" Moor Gualt roared, spreading his fiery wings. "Well take some of this!" Moor Gualt flapped his wings, causing a wave of fire to sail towards Sulato.
Sulato caught fire and started running in circles, shrieking, as Moor Gualt laughed. "Eagh! Well have some of this!" The still on fire giant started freezing the phoenix-a-saurus from foot up.
"Hey! Hey! Hey!" Lucadia, the sea guardian slithered up. "C'mon guys, we can work this out with a little talk!" It was not Lucadia's day, as he was water based, and doesn't fare well against the evaporating power of fire or the freezing ability of ice. The two feuding guardians stopped what they were doing and super froze then super heated the serpent. In an act of rage, they had completely shattered the beast. Whatever remained of Lucadia was now just small pieces of frozen dragon on the floor. The agents were speechless.
"Oh God, oh God, oh God…" Aru Sulato started biting his nails, the fire extinguished.
Moor Gualt melted the ice encasing him. "Calm down man, it's no big deal…"
"We just killed him, man! We just KILLED him! Y'know what that means!"
"Just calm down man, we can deal with this…"
"We're gonna go to the big house man! We're gonna get the chair!" Sulato began freaking out. "I can't handle that!"
"Nobody has to know man." Moor Gualt placed a fiery claw on the giants quivering shoulder. "We'll just get rid of the evidence. No one will ever find out."
"What about them, man! They saw the whole morbid thing!" Sulato pointed to the four clueless humans.
"…We didn't see anything…" Gallows replied. "Just go on and do what you need to do!"
"No, we gotta waste them! There can be no witnesses!" Moor Gualt narrowed his brow.
"Killing more people! When's it gonna stop man! This can't go on!" Sulato was once again freaking out.
"You're partner in crime is fragile." Magdalen finally spoke up. "It would probably be best if you took him out. He's going to crack eventually."
"Naw man, you wouldn't do that, would you! We're best buds man! I won't talk man, I won't!" Sulato waved his hands.
"The humans right. You're weak and you're gonna get the Po sooner or later." Moor Gualt shook his head. "I'm gonna have to take you down man."
"C'mon Moor Gualt, be cool, man, be cool!" However, Aru Sulatos please were to no avail as Moor Gualt pretty much incinerated the snow giant with one heaping plate of his strongest fires.
Moor Gualt then turned to the humans. "You're next! No witnesses left alive!"
"I don't think so!" Jack replied, pulling out a fire extinguisher. "Crime doesn't pay!" He then sprayed the fire giant with the tiny extinguisher.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! What a world, what a world, what a world…" Moor Gualt, with the NO power of Darth Vader, fizzled off out of existence.
"There's another one for you Solus Emsu!" Jack grinned.
"Wow, that was pretty cool." Jane admitted to Jack. "But where's you get the extinguisher?"
"Yea, seeing how you left your hat at base." Gallows also wanted to know.
"There was one on the wall behind me." Jack pointed to the case behind him. "Fire code and all."
"You know, I have a feeling that G.U.A.R.D.I.A.N is made up of guardians…" Gallows thought.
"You think?" Jane gave him the eye. "Now come on, we have to go save Christmas!"
Unexpectedly, the wall behind them mysteriously opened. The four turned around to see what appeared to be a large green rock filled with craters. There was a hole where two yellow eyes stared out at them. The eyes blinked and then the giant rock began to roll towards them.
"Oh shit!" Jack shouted as they started running back up the hall.
"What did you think would happen!" Jane retorted. "We're in a temple, of course there's going to be an homage to Indiana Jones!"
"Is this thing a guardian too!" Gallows asked as the rock was catching up.
"It's Rigdobrite!" Magdalen stated. "It's the guardian of the stars!"
"Guardian of the stars!" Jack was puzzled. "Then what the crap is it doing on Filgaia!"
"Who knows! Just keep running!" Jane barked.
The four of them ran out of the hall, up the moss-covered incline, out of the building, across the forest, through a gap in the wall, before reaching the edge of the plateau. Rigdobrite crashed through trees and pummeled through the wall. As the giant boulder guardian thing rolled up after them, Gallows coulda swore he saw the tiny green prince rolling it from behind. They ran to the edge, the angry sea hundreds of feet below. Before you could start signing "Na na na na na na nanana nanananananana," A.K.A The Katamari Damacy theme, the four leaped to the side. However Jane was still in the way. Magdalen couldn't get to her, simply because he to had been rolled up in the Rigdobrite katamari. Gallows quickly pried Magdalen off as it rolled by. Jack dove for Jane, quickly grabbing her and rolling himself away. Rigdobrite sped right off the cliff and fell into the jagged rocks at the bottom.
"If anyone else knows a better spot that they could have played "Rollin'", I would like to know." Gallows commented before he noticed the awkward situation just over. Jack had saved Jane from certain Katamari related doom, however that didn't help the situation he was in, for as the two had rolled away, Jane ended up on the ground and Jack over him with a hand cupped over a squishy thing he shouldn't have. Both of them were beet red for a moment before Jane gave Jack the upper cut to end all upper cuts. Jack soon joined Rigdobrite at the bottom of the sea.
Jane then stood up, marched to Gallows, and kneed him right in the gut. "And that's for looking!"
Gallows keeled over as Magdalen swallowed. Sometimes the little lady could be quite dangerous indeed.
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Nightfall came upon the ancient wall and Gallows, a very wet Jack, Magdalen, and Jane were sitting around a campfire perched up against the black bricks. Jane was the first to speak. "Well, if our idea that G.U.A.R.D.I.A.N is made up of guardians, then to know the enemy's status, we just have to know how many guardians there are, right?"
"Well…" Jack said before sneezing. "There was Denogenos at Mount Zenom (and he's still there), Dan Daraim at Sielje, and then Moor Gualt, Aru Sulato, Lucadia, Rigdobrite, and Chapapanga here at Thunder Lion Cage. Of those mentioned, only Denogenos and Chapapanga re still around."
"Well how many more are there?" Gallows asked.
"You're the Baskar, shouldn't you know!" Jane angrily said.
"No." Gallows quickly replied.
"Well, I know who would." Magdalen spoke up. "But it would require us to leave the Thunder Lion Cage for now."
"But Christmas is here! We're this close!" Gallows spoke up.
"After those last encounters, I think we need to get some back up." Jack stated. "Or some guns. Really big guns."
"Don't keep us waiting Magdalen." Jane started. "Who?"
Magdalen stood up. "To Baskar!"
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Next time on L/I: Licensed by Idiots: Probably more sexual jokes involving Jack and Gallows doing something perverted to Jane and she beating the hell out of them, though I'm not entirely sure. Stay tuned and find out!
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It's now time for Lilka says! Lilka says: Fox! Do a Barrel Roll! Double tap the Z or R button to repel enemy fire!
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