Author's Note: Hurray, I actually completed this, I rule, feel my writing prowess..ness…

ed. Yeah, anyway, we finally get to introduce the new main human character. This should be pretty good, oh, one more thing, poke'speak will be translated again, enjoy.

Disclaimer: Crimson Ziz does not own Poke'mon, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Teen Titans or The Winx Club. If I owned Poke'mon, not only would I be rich, but you'd watch this not read it, and if I owned The Winx Club, I would have committed the most complicated suicide possible. High-Elf-Swordsman is cool with his insertion, as I asked him; he gave me position on his page.

Poke'mon Z.E.R.O. Ch1 "How the Stabbing Starts" Pt2: "Phone Numbers"

(Irregular Productions, Violet City, Johto)

The sun raises, as it does, the light goes onto Ash's and Pikachu's faces. A bunch of people start singing in Japanese.

"Ukeilele genrewerewrw" sounds the soundtrack, as it is suddenly turned off, the picture skips several times until it rips. We see Author, still and Oddish, walk out of a room labeled office, although it's clearly a bathroom, a piece of toilet paper stuck to his foot. Stepping into what looks like a dirty office building with bad lighting and random boxes and knickknacks piled up everywhere. In the middle of the building is a giant machine, labeled plot device; it has a huge on/off switch, which is currently in the off position. The Narrator is next to the plot device, and is talking to two guys who were wearing tactical suits that looked suspiciously ripped off of the Generic Policemen from Teen Titans. The Author has a very angry look on his face.

"Alright, which one of you Bitch-sticks turned off my plot device," says The Author, glaring at everyone in the room

"Are you the Author known as Crimson Ziz?" asks the first expendable meat shield.

"Yeah, now answer my damn question!" shouted the Oddish, ready unleash an acid attack. He's obviously pissed.

"We're the Fanfic Police, Your under arrest," said Guard Number B, as both he and Meat Shield raised, or rather lowered because he's short, their automatic plasma rifles at him.

"Bull Shit! What are the charges?"

"Use of a song in fanfiction,"

"I asked Satoshi Tajiri, he didn't mind,"

"First, You need permission from Nintendo, as they own The Poke'mon Company, secondly, I doubt you know him,"

"That's still just a slap on the wrist infringement, what else did you wrongly accuse me of?"

"You are also charged with illegally breeding Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus for the purpose of being hunted off season,"

"That is completely untrue,"

"Then what the hell is that over there!" shouted Guard B, pointing to a cage filled with Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus, going at it.

"I can only kill one a day due to the limits in Johto, they do the sex by themselves, I have nothing to do with that," said the Oddish, folding his leave around the lower part of his body and turning away.

"There is also the Illegal use of Type-3 Flame Missiles,"

"That is totally and completely untrue,"

"We can see them right over there," said Meat Shield, pointing to the right of the plot device, to several missiles with scathing remarks written all over them.

"No, those are Type-4 'Constructive Criticism' Missiles, guaranteed to educate and make the newbies cry,"

"That's it, your coming with us," responded Meat Shield, as he bent down to cuff the Oddish. That was an incredibly stupid move.

"BERSERKERGANG!" shouted the Oddish, as he leapt up and bit the police officer in the lesser-protected neck. Using his acid he burnt through the specially treated rubbery plasticy material drew blood. The officer feel down screaming, trying to pry the grass type off his neck.

"Man down! I repeat, Man Down! We need reinforcements!" shouted Guard B, calling for assistance, several more Teen Titans rip-offs rushed in, breaking doors and busting windows while The Author continued to kill.

(20 minutes and 20 Murders later)

The Fanfiction Police Corps finished loading the now restrained Oddish into the armored van that would be transporting him to there correction facilities, where he would be brainwashed into being a normal person with a social life, a fate worse then death. The Oddish's feet were in large metal shackles, with each leaf on his head stuck in a vice like grip with his restraints, but the most noticeable addition is the huge metal muzzle that covered his entire body except his eye, he was making muffled sounds, most likely cursing out the officers. The remaining officers secured him to the truck, closed the doors, and drove off. Leaving a very confused Narrator behind.

"Well now what do I do?" asked the Elder Gentleman to no one. He had no idea how use the plot device, so because of that, he couldn't narrate, which means he'd be out of a job. How will little Jimmy and little Susan be able to eat if they had no money? They'd have to sell there home and become hobos and…

"I'll tell you what we do, we continue in spite of things," a voice cries out heroically. A figure is standing on the roof of a neighboring building, with the sun behind him preventing him from being seen. He heroically jumps off the roof! And falls on his face with an undignified thump. "Em uhvah, em uvah," mumbles the figure. He gets up and shakes the cobwebs from his head. He is wearing a light suit of armor that doesn't seem to be too heavy. He also has a cape on that's red on the outside and yellow on the inside, and has a sheathed short sword at his waist. He also has pointed ears.

"And you are…?" asks the Narrator

"I'm High-Elf-Swordsman, but you can call me Hes," responds the elf, brushing himself off.

"Alright, so why are you here?"

"Well my 'Crimson Ziz was arrested for killing police officers' alarm went off and I went to contingency plan alpha-zero-zero,"

"What's contingency plan alpha-zero-zero?"

"Put the Plot Device into character development mode and keep it running till he gets back,"

"This happens rather often doesn't it?"

"More then I'd care to discuss," said Hes, finishing the conversation. Both he and the narrator stood there for a while, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"Shouldn't you turn it on now?" asks the Narrator

"Oh, yeah, duh," says Hes, bringing his hand to his forehead, while shaking his head at his own forgetfulness. They go inside and Hes switches the on/off switch to on.

(Petalburg Woods, Hoenn)

All was peaceful in Petalburg woods, the Tailow were chirping, the Slakoth were slacking, and the Wurmple were wurmping…le…ning. Everything was peaceful and quiet, and after a whole year, the forest had finally recovered from Estella Briham's laugh. Yes, nothing could ruin this peace,

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Mew in mortal pain, proving me wrong as everything scattered back to the bush. "Ohmanthisisbadthisisbadthisisreallybaditcantbeworsethenthisexceptmaybethetimeigavealchaholtojirachiandshewasallwishigivingandiaccidentlycreatedspoinkandthenbutnothisisworseastheywilltrytokeepusliketherabbitandthepixiesand I DON'T WANT TO WATCH INFERIOR CG BLENDING!" Celebi fed up with his panic, grabs Mew. Wild Mew wants to battle, Celebi chooses Celebi, fight, doubleslap, Celebi uses double slap, its super effective, it hits 5 times.

"Stop (slap) Babbling (slap) and (slap) pull (slap) yourself (slap) together!" shouts the grass type, slapping mew back to reality. "Now, you're the father of all Poke'mon, you've been around longer then me, how do we close a reality rip?"

"We can't,"

"What?"

"We can't,"

"The rip itself will fade in a few minutes anyway when reality runs a 'systems check' and notices the error, but we already shifted our dimensions 'course' so its bound to 'crash' into the other dimension," said Mew, depressed, looking like someone whose lost all hope. However Celebi wasn't going to be associated with, those things, and didn't give up.

"What if we were to make another rip?"

"We'd have to do it at a specific spot and time travel a specific rate to undo it, and we can only undo it within the next few minutes, to figure out exactly where to do the teleport and time travel, then teleporting right next to it, it take to long,"

"Can't we travel back in time?"

"Dimensions run off there own time, we can't, it's hopeless,"

"We have to try…right?" said Celebi, lifting Mew's downtrodden chin and smiling at him. Mew nodded, then pumped his fist in the air.

"Your right, as long as we have time, we have hope, now prepare, for now you must…FEAR MY MATH PROWESS!" shouted the pink Poke'mon, as he donned a graduation cap, glasses, and a pencil out of nowhere, and started waving the pencil around in the air, seemingly randomly. A single bead of sweat rolled down the back of Celebi's head. "The circumference, times the width, carry the Torchick, multiple by a pie, make up some math terms…no…fucking…way…"

"…What?" asked Celebi, clearly confused?

"IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE!" Shouted Mew, pointing to a brown backpack, not twenty feet away from them. Quickly, Mew and Celebi rushed over to the spot.

"What are the odds of that happening?" asks Celebi

"1 in 4,266,222 squared," answered Mew. "All right, we only have a minute until the refresh, so I need you to hold onto me and go 4.266,222 nanoseconds into the future.

"…That's it?"

"Yes, that's it,"

"Allright," said Celebi, as she started charging up her time travel powers, Mew held her in a hug and teleported, and Celebi went to the future.

(57 Bedford Lane, New Red City, CT, America, Dimension 4266222, George Quadrant)

Two boys are lying in a room, one of them is taller and slightly chubby, the other is slightly shorter but in better shape. Both of them have unruly dark-brown, almost black hair. Each one has a game boy advance in there hands, the shorter of the two's is a SP. The taller one slots in a copy of Poke'mon emerald.

"So, do you think the plot changes and the battle frontier are worth it Ryan," asks tall, starting a new file. Mashing the a button.

"Maybe, getting all the different types might be, wished they included Celebi somehow, cheating isn't worth it, especially not with that whole, no cheating program installed, though you could care less, could you Sean?" asks Ryan, his face turning into a frown, as Flannery's Torkoal Overheats his Grovyle, his last Poke'mon. "God dam it, stupid fire type specialist"

"Whoops, almost made my trainer a girl. Wouldn't want to explain that one come the tournament. Yeah, I'm not so interested in any of the first or second generation legendaries, they just don't have enough character in them," said Sean, still mashing through the various long scenes. "Besides I'm not a perfectionist, Mr. 'I have 383 Poke'mon gained legally and yet it pisses they hell out of me that I can't find Three.' Oh, and your Flannery problem would have been solved if you just went with Mudkip when you restarted for re-honing your skills like I told you, that way Flannery would be no problem and you might be able to beat my Blaziken or Groudon,"

"Stupid Effort Values and you knowing them before me," mumbled Ryan, trying to see if he could find a decent water type.

"Well now that's weird," says Sean

"What?"

"My trainer ID shares the same six numbers as the first ones in my phone number,"

"426622?"

"Yeah isn't that," Sean said, but was cut off by a giant boom; suddenly a pink rip opened above Sean and sucked him in.

"What the fuck!" exclaimed Ryan, as the vortex closed. Then another one opened up, but that is a tail for another day.

(Petalburg Woods, Hoenn, Poke'mon Dimension)

"We did it, We did it, We did it!" shouted the legendary Psychic types in unison, as they gleefully skipped about, not noticing the figure falling out of their dimensional rip, landing on its back, and falling unconscious.

"WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU TO BEEN DOING!" shouted a loud psychic voice, it wasn't really much of a question, as it was more of an 'you fucked up and are going to pay for it' shout. Both Mew and Celebi looked at the figure, he was wearing a brown poncho like coat that covered most of his body, but with the hood not up, they could clearly see the horns. It was Mewtwo, and he was really pissed. Both of the Psychics looked at each other, and then tried to bolt, but Mewtwo grabbed the two and teleported to Cerulean Cave, most likely to reprimand them. There was a groaning sound as the unconscious figure opened his brown eyes.

"Ugghh, where the hell am I"

(Ruins of Alph, Johto)

An armored van was crashed right against the high cliff wall, the front of it was completely smashed in and its back doors were wide open, both the driver and the front-passenger corpses were unrecognizable. However, the five bodies in the back were somewhat recognizable, or at least their uniforms, totally and completely ripped off of Teen Titans. They were however, burnt with acid or decapitated, one of them had even been pissed on.

If we were to zoom out a bit, we'd notice the small bloody footprints leading away from the crash. Following these tracks lead to a small Poke'mon, all of his body is covered with blood and dirt, as he walks towards Ecruteak City. There is only one thought on his mind. Well two if you count tacos. The Fanfic Police are incompetent. They went after him when they could of gone after the authors who deserve it. So he's going to take action, and he will change the world.

Will Mew and Celebi get spanked? How will Sean react to being transported to the Poke'mon Dimension? And what is the Authors plan? Some of these questions may be answered next episode of Poke'mon Z.E.R.O. Ch1 "How the Stabbing Starts, Pt 3 "The Yellow Menace!" As we may get to the point of the issues.