Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

Title : Window shopping

Chapter 10: Alone

Notes: More angst! Whoo! In case you wanted some, here it is! I'm going to re-do ' Ginger' some time soon . This is a Peter Pettigrew POV angsty monologue, sorry.

I'm cold, all of the time. Even when I'm with them , laughing with them, I know I'm never going to be where they are.

I'm act like their friend, but I'm only an accessory. What group, and what person, would be complete without a friend they pity?

I know they care about me but none of them have ever known how cold it gets when you've never had the spotlight on you.

How flat most good things can be when you know you could be enjoying them instead of being near them.

I know Remus suffers but he never leaves their thoughts. Never is there a person who'd forget him. I admit it, I envy him. Every month it happens but we're there.

Remus feels guilt, and he's even foolish enough to hate himself. The pity he gets is out of concern.

A feeling that never leaves his friends. I don't talk of anything on my own . I just add to what they say, I don't laugh until they do…

The more I hang off of them-hold on- the more I stay just off to the side…the more absorbed I get with them.

Until…I belong to them and not with them, with no will of my own. I used to think I should be unhappy that I was only an after thought…until I fell into it so easily…until I stopped being Peter and turned into a non-person. When they leave the room they don't give me another thought, when I'm in it…they look so surprised to see I'm still there.

No…not one of them has ever truly been alone, James, Remus and Sirius …I know them but the three are held tighter together than the four of us could ever be.

I'm a bit so unimportant I don't get mended or knit close like them.

Oh I'm not ungrateful because I know …I know how it is to be far from the spotlight when you're as close as I am you know it isn't the same across the room.

People may overlook me but when they think of the Marauders …they still think of me no matter to the hesitation.

When you've got recognition and acceptance- acceptance the funny thing about is that if enough people recognize you, you don't care who they are.

No matter how cold and alone you really are…people on the other side of the room want to be you, and then it makes being alone in a crowd seem less hollow.

I do know someday , when I can, I'll take my chance to be the one they want to talk with instead of talk at.

Some day I won't be alone.

a/n: DEPRESSING but I'm on my way to making a chapter on every main-ish character! WHOO, favorite characters? I'd have to say... LUNA HARRY HAGRID FRED AND GEORGE MOLLY GINNY ARTHUR NEVILLE SEAMUS …okay all of them.

I can't pick favorites, tell me yours! Correct my grammar ( I used spell check but I wanna know if it messed up) ! ...anything! Just -review-!