.:Angels Losing Sleep:.
You'll understand perfectly why the title is called ' Angels Losing Sleep.' I wrote this after reading something about how common this stuff is in America and all over the world. It's sad but it's true- don't give up- you'll never know what the truth might be.
Graduation- Finally the day had come. I had never seen my mother so proud of me and actually crying tears of happiness, and sadness. She had been happy that she had witnessed her daughter grow up to become something beautiful and grow up, to achieve and move on and be whatever she wants. I knew the other reasons why she shed those other tears because of my father- He had passed on, but she really wished he could be here to cheer me on when I was given my diploma.
" Kagome look, Kagome!"
I could hear my little brother Sota, before I could ever spot him out of the crowds of parents and friends who with all their cameras remarked a huge group of paparazzi.
We all stood in a perfect line; Girls went in one side, and the guys down in another. I hated my dress; It was long and bright red. I was never the girl to be seen with my hair done up in butterfly clips or even have the works of mascara, eye shadow, and eyeliner on my face. Somehow my mother had talked me into it. This day had been more for her than me, more than I ever realized.
" Kagome there she is mom! She's next!"
My brother was jumping out of his skin practically, tugging on my mother's sleeve to have that camera in place and to snap all the shots they possibly could until I felt blind. I didn't mind though- It was just a couple more hours before I could throw the dress off and say goodbye to all my friends that were moving away, going onto college- doing whatever they planned with their lives. The girls behind me were giggling, the girls I hated with a passion who always seem to have their noses up in the air. They bragged the whole entire time to others how expensive their dresses were, and honestly no one gave a damn. I just wanted to hit them as hard as I could but, it wasn't the time or the place. I was thankful I wasn't going to see their powered faces ever again.
Ayumi was behind me. She just nudged me while two more girls proceeded delicately down the aisle of the auditorium.
" Kagome, your nervous aren't you? I'm not. I'm actually excited! After this I'm moving in with my boyfriend. Getting an apartment and a part time job at that classy restaurant that's a block away from your place. Maybe you can come visit when your not busy with your love life!"
Ayumi's smile you could see across any room. She seemed so happy about moving on, everyone did. With me, I just wasn't excited at all. I was so use to wearing my school outfit running down the halls late for classes, and getting myself out of dates my friends always tried to push on me. I wasn't ready to start a life yet- as odd as that felt coming from me. Everyone looked at me at the girl who was ready to get out there and do whatever I pleased. Not likely. Sad part was I was already missing people. People close I knew who were moving miles away.
I was already missing Sango. I could only imagine her beside Ayumi in a beautiful long black dress that was just as beautiful as Ayumi's ivory one. She would have the most pure smile and I knew she would of loved to be here like the rest of us. I knew with the others I couldn't find or get Sango back. It just wasn't possible. I just tried to keep an open mind, and placed another one of my famous fake smiles that everyone believed was real.
" Hey I'm never busy with my love life. I guess if you count Hojo placing this corsage on my wrist and asking me to come to his place after the graduation party. I guess you can consider that something."
Ayumi nodded. I just stood around, barely looking even alive or excited by the fact of graduation at all. I just looked back at the main hallway behind us and stared through the windows, waiting the snow slowly falling down making a huge white blanket against the ground. I had been so side tracked by the snow fall and the thoughts of Sango, I barely even realized I was the next one standing in line.
" Kagome it's your turn."
Ayumi spoke with amusement in my voice and pushed me forward. I walked in. All eyes glued to me. I strolled down the aisle with a smile and with a bounce in my step as crowds of friends and family were screaming and cheering, even guys whistling from the back. The guys ran up with dim-witted smiles, who appeared to have been drunk before they came. Which were all good friends of mine, who failed grade twelve at least twice.
" Kagome high five. You show them. You show them man.."
I laughed, while there I could hear the screaming that was louder than the rest; My family.
My brother had been placed on my mother's shoulders in order to see past everyone so he could get a clear shot of me walking down the aisle. He held the camera to his face, while my mother waved with a smile and a glimmer of tears streaming down her cheeks. Sota waved and screaming until I waved back, and took more pictures until I had been out of sight.
We were all arranged to seat in our proper seats. I had been between Hojo and Ayumi which wasn't the greatest mix. A guy who completely interested in me, and a girl who loved getting him interested in me.
The screaming and cheering had finally died down, while Hojo smiled dressed all proper in a suit; which all girls found a little disturbing to see. Hojo had the flower pinned and the long bloody red tie, and his hair pulled back. He just smiled at me, and squeezed my hand tightly which gave me chills.
" I'm surprised your still wearing it. You don't look too thrilled to be here. What's a matter?"
I looked down at my wrist; seeing the beautiful small white flowers and the sparkling ribbon that tied them all together. His hand cupped over mine, and I couldn't help but blush at the idea. I wanted his hand off of mine but, I wasn't going to be rude especially on this day. He invited me over, and suckered me in so I was only let him be with me for a night no longer than that. He tried so hard to get me, and eventually I gave up fighting him off.
" I'm fine, believe me I'm fine."
He turned his head slowly, as the lights had dimmed until the whole place was so dark you could only make out outlines and shadows. The front stage lit up with all bright white lights, and simple decorations of glittery streamers and real flowers in the corners of the stage. The principal had finally made her way to the front, fixing the microphone as though she had been doing this for four years straight.
" I'm very proud of everyone tonight. Some of you struggled to get here and we are proud you managed to move on with the rest of your friends, and get out there. I'm proud of the people who tried and strived to be excellent. This is why all of you are today. You tried, and it shows. Today is the time to look back on memories during the year. The funniest moments to the saddest. Another is a special tribute to the people who couldn't make it, but only in spirit."
While everyone kept their eyes on the screens of all the pictures of students and stupid faces, most were playing with their lasers and throwing paper airplanes in the back. The principal cued for the people at the side of the stage behind the scenes to flick off the stage lights, and put on the front screen.
It went through a huge slideshow; there were pictures of unfamiliar people and most were friends and people I was very close. There was lots of girls laughing, and guys pulling pranks and doing the bunny ears behind one another's heads. There had been one of Hojo and I at the last school dance. My face had been flushed and you could tell by my expression it wasn't my idea of a picture it was his. He looked at me briefly when he saw that picture and squeezed my hand, and turned back to the screen. You could hear a lot of laugher from the auditorium when there was a picture of guys doing some dance, and pretending like they were kissing. Music played along with the pictures. Section by section they went through. Sports, school, dances. Then there was one picture that struck me deeply; it took my breath completely away. I had the felling in my gut like I was falling when I saw it.
It was a beautiful picture. Spring- The grass finally resurfaced from the snow and everyone in short sleeves, shorts and skirts. There it had Sango; She had a white skirt and a bright blue skirt with her laying on her side, laughing as she was trying to push her hair out from her eyes. There was a lot of her, and most I took. But that spring picture was the best out of all. Her smile was just so beautiful and pure and she didn't deserve what she got.
My cheeks were burning, and tears were quietly streaming down my cheeks. I didn't want to look at them, but at the same time I just had to. In a way it was the only glimpse to see her at all. Through photos and memories. They just weren't enough. It was too painful to look at. I tried to look around the place to keep my eyes away, anything would of done it. When I looked around I looked at all the different groups of parents lined up against the wall, cameras hanging around their necks patiently waiting to take another shot of their kids in their suits and dresses. There was one parent without a camera around her neck. Sango's mother.
I could barely make out it was her until I saw someone come in. There was enough light for a moment to make sure it was her, and it was. Even though her daughter wasn't here she still came. She still managed to gather her courage to go, almost like she envisioned Sango sitting in the seats near us laughing, living life like the rest. She had a tissue locked tightly in her hand bringing it close to her cheeks every moment she caught a glimpse of her on the screen. Kohaku had appeared through the door with a handful of tissues and quietly leaned against the back wall beside his mother. When it got to the opening of loved ones, she bowed her head down and tugged at Kohaku's hand. Her hair hid her tears as she walked out. It was too much for even them to handle.
She knew it was about Sango; She knew she'd be one there. She was only one of the two that disappeared.
The principal came back on stage with a half smile knowing this was coming to a hard and serious part. The lights flickered back on while everyone went dead silent as she had a speech already prepared. Hojo squeezed my hand again for support, he could see me shaking and tears already streaming down my face. He slowly leaned in and placed his lips almost close enough for me to feel them against me.
" Kagome I know you miss her. You loved her, we all did. She was a great person. Are you going to say that speech up on stage for her you wrote out? Or-"
Hojo had great concern for me. He knew how close we were. It was a bond, and friendship we never thought could be broken apart. We dreamed of going to California as a road trip, we even started saving chump change into a jar for it. We knew it would be a lot, but we were both determined to get there in an old RV even if it killed us. It had been Sango's idea for a beautiful trip. Her father walked out on her whole family, and the last place he called on a payphone was in California. She believed she'd find him there, and that's where she wanted to go.
I bowed my head down, while his hand gently pressed against my flushed cheek wiping away the tear that was streaming down.
" Yes." My voice shaky from being over whelmed with emotions, and going up on stage in front of everyone talking about the friend I lost. It was hard but I knew in my heart I had to. It was important to me and I knew she would do the same for me.
The principal calmly adjusted the microphone on the stand until the sound came loud and through the speakers. Her smile faded, tilted it directly to her tainted red lips.
" This part is special out of all. It's a time to remember those who have passed on. Some we were friends with, with others even family. They were special people who had their time cut short but, they will live on in our memories and our hearts. We cherish theses pictures we have of them, and made them into a slideshow. After the slideshow we will have some speeches by fellow students. So please remember and respect them and the people who loved them. It's sad but they are the people who gave, and gained so much in return. So please take time to remember."
The lights went off once again. Most people were settling down from their conversations, and at that moment Ayumi and Hojo looked at me, their eyes open wide as though they were feeling the exact same pain. Ayumi leaned in forward, her body half way out of her seat until she could get close enough to me. She crouched down in the aisle, enough that she could look at me.
Her hand just brushed my shoulder, and she just placed on a smile as best as she could, seeing her eyes were just on the verge of watering. " Kagome, I miss her. I miss her as much as you do. Look, I know it's hard to talk about her, even in a speech. Words on a piece of paper don't describe her enough. Listen after this, I'll come up with you for support. Ok? Hang tight Kagome. It will be alright."
Ayumi was a very loving person. Even in her words you could hear it, and definitely feel it. She kissed me lightly on the cheek while I nodded, too overwhelmed to even say one word.
My eyes busted open as though I had been awaken horribly from sleep. My hand grasped on tightly against Hojo's, and he calmly closed his hand over mine for support. He understood clearly it was hard to see pictures of someone you loved, who passed away even if it wasn't resent. It had been at least a year and a half. To most that seems like plenty of time to get over something like this, but if you love them it's takes a whole life time to accept and get over the fact their gone.
There were so many of her than I realized; One was of her looking after little kids. One of the girls with pig tails sitting on her lap with her little arms holding her tightly, and Sango smiling looking always happy. Another was of her at the Halloween dance dressed in a cat costume with the little ears and the tail she seemed quite shy about wearing. There was another of her playing a mean game of tennis; her hair pulled back and inches away from hitting the ball. Then there was one of her and I. Our faces were so close to the camera but it was a nice shot. Her cheeks took up half of the picture, her eyes disappearing from her laughter. Me, trying to a hold a smile without screwing the picture up.
" I miss her Hojo, I miss her so much!"
I whimpered, and I almost felt weak. I hated crying and feeling like my throat was dry, trying to hold them all in. I just couldn't. I just busted out leaning in towards his chest digging my face into his shoulder, while his one hand bonded around my back trying to comfort me anyway he possibly could. He was whispering in my ear trying to calm me down, trying to remind me Sango wasn't real gone, she was here in spirit. Finally I could here the principal speaking ready for the others to make the speeches about them. My paper had been unfolded and folded so many times it went to a neat paper, to one that looked like it had been cherished over and over again. I didn't know how to condense how I missed her in words, and make it short and sweet as possible. It killed me to write it, but at least I had something.
" Now this is the time for people who want to say and speak on behalf of the loved ones. Please line up on the side."
I stood up from folding seat, and everyone could tell I wasn't stretching, they knew I was going up there the paper was a dead give away. I wanted to turn back and sit back down, but this wasn't about me it was about Sango, no one else.
Ayumi supportively placed her hand on my back and helped me right the aisle until I was in clear sight of the huge steps onto the brightly lit stage. I slowly grabbed the railing with all my strength, while Ayumi smiled sympathetically.
" Look I'll come right on stage with you. You know words on paper can't describe how you feel. Don't worry about timing or anything. This is all for Sango. Take as long as you want. Remember she's probably watching and listening right now."
" Alright, thanks Ayumi."
Finally there I was, on the huge stage in front of a huge crowd of people. That wasn't my own fear. I just felt so small seeing all the faces of people from the school staring down at me watching my every move. Ayumi stood idly by the podium, very quietly waited on me to unfold that little piece of worn paper, and speak my feelings, whatever came to mind about her.
The minute I unfolded the paper, I didn't need it anymore. No words on paper could explain her. Only I could. All for Sango, nobody else.
Been awhile since I've written or submitted anything. I thought this would be good to write to keep me inspired and continue writing. I kind of stopped because I lost alot of inspiration and in my case that never, ever happens! But I'm back. I wrote this after I watched something that was a scary but true thing that happens all the time. You'll all understand once you get into this. Thanks Kandra for being supportive in all my work, and help me become inspired.