Disclaimer: I don't own HYD or its characters. I wish I did though!
Chapter One: Invisible Tears
At a secluded corner of the okiya, a girl sat there staring out of the window and feeling the cool morning air against her face. After awhile, she slowly got up and made her way back to where her next class was starting in a few minutes. This had been her daily morning ritual ever since she first stepped foot there. The nights were bad but the mornings were the worst. The sunrise meant nothing, each day was the same to her.
"Tsukushi!" a cheery voice called out to her.
Turning around, she gave a smile to one of her few true friends at the okiya.
"Morning Yuki. What class are you having now?" Tskushi asked.
"Ikebana." Yuki made a face. "I hate arranging flowers. I just can't seem to get it right no matter how much I try. I wish I was like you, Tsukushi. You just seem to pick things up effortlessly. No wonder Okasan always sings your praises. I bet you will become a geiko soon."
Tsukushi laughed, "That's not true," although in her heart she knew it was. Learning just came effortlessly to her. She was blessed with talent and beauty, pre-requisites to become a top geisha. "But so what?" she often thought to herself bitterly. "I didn't even want to be here in the first place. I don't even care about being promoted to a geiko."
Turning her attention back to Yuki, she said, "I have shamisen training now. I'll see you later." And so the two of them parted ways.
At least she was starting the day with something she actually liked. The shamisen was a three-stringed instrument resembling a small banjo and Tsukushi loved playing it. In fact the shamisen was her greatest strength and she felt at peace whenever she was plucking the delicate strings. Just hearing the melodious strains of the notes made her content. When the class ended, she felt hollow again.
Sighing she left the room. She had to do several errands before her next class began. She had to pick up a new kimono for Shizuka Toudo, the most popular geiko in the okiya. Walking along the streets of Gion always made her feel depressed. Passing several geishas she recognised, she bowed to them and went on her way.
Tsukushi always wondered what would happen if she kept walking. Perhaps she might drop off the face of the earth and never be seen again, which to her would be an improvement given the state of her life now. Just merely existing was painful.
She hated the way that she had to put on a mask in front of everyone. In the course of her training, she was always drilled that, "Make your clients feel that they have done no wrong, can do no wrong and will never do any wrong." It was all that geishas lived for.
This totally went against Tsukushi's direct and open nature. She liked to say and do things the way they were. Being a geisha was the last thing she wanted if she had a choice. But she hadn't.
At the age of 6 years old, her very own parents had sold her to the okiya. Just thinking about them made her heart ache dully again. Her mind wandered to that day which seemed so long ago.
Flashback
"Tsukushi. We are going away for awhile. You have to stay here and be a good girl all right?" her mother had whispered to her at the okiya where she was to be left behind.
"But can't I come too?" she had pouted.
"No, Tsukushi. The place where we are going to is not suitable for little girls like you. Trust us. We will come back for you," her father reassured her.
So they had left her there. That same night, unable to sleep in a different environment, she tossed and turned in her new bed. Finally she decided to sneak out and search for her parents. Her mum had told her that they were leaving that night, so she crept along the dark streets determined to reach her parents before they left.
Reaching her home, she spied a car outside the front door. Her parents were packing in their luggage and were putting their last suitcase in the boot when Tsukushi ran up to them, yelling at them not to go.
Tsukushi's mother had hugged her and told her to behave herself at her new home while her father had looked on rather impatiently. Finally she let go and both of them got in the car. Tsukushi tried to do the same. Never would she have imagined that her father would actually shove her away and slam the car door in her face.
Her dress had been caught on the door and she was forced to run along with the car as it sped on the road. Her tiny fists pounded on the window and begged her father who was driving to stop. He paid no attention to her and drove faster instead.
Her mother just looked down in her lap. Tsukushi could not keep up any longer and she was dragged along. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, her dress tore and she was left behind. But the little Tsukushi had a never-say-die spirit and she refused to give up. Struggling to pick up herself up, she started running again after the car whilst sobbing pitifully, "Mum! Dad! Please wait for me!"
But they never looked back and it was at that instant that she realised this was the last time she was ever going to see them again. Finally she collapsed on the road and lay there limp like a little ragdoll before the hired help from the okiya carried her back. There, Okasan had told her that the okiya was her home now. It was only years later that she realised her parents business had failed. Their only choice was to escape from their debtors and to raise the money for that, they had to sell her to the okiya.
End of Flashback
Since than, the indomitable spirit that Tsukushi possessed seemed to have died in her. It had been replaced by one of apathy where she constantly thought, "Why bother trying?" That was why she never attempted to run away from the okiya. The scars from when she was a child had never healed properly. The open wounds were left to fester and they never went away.
As she continued to walk along the streets of Gion, Tskushi wondered if there would ever be anything that would resurrect that feisty attitude buried deep inside her again.
She remembered something Yuki had said once, "In life, each person would always have that special something that they will pursue and not give up for anything in the world."
Shaking her head Tsukushi continued along her way to complete the errand for Shizuka. She doubted that she would ever feel so strongly about something ever again. Suddenly she felt overwhelmed by it all and buried her face in her hands. It was something that came all too easily for her these days and she resented herself for that.
"You look like you could use this," a sudden voice interrupted her thoughts.
Startled Tsukushi looked up and saw a well-dressed young man holding out a handkerchief to her. She stared and him and hesitated for awhile before taking it.
"Dry your tears with that," he said shortly before walking away.
Tsukushi stood rooted for the spot for awhile. Wiping away her tears, she stared at the back of the retreating figure. Those haunting eyes of his contained something hidden in its depths. When she gazed into it, she thought she recognised something in it that resembled how she felt. Was it possible to feel total affinity with a stranger?
She looked at the handkerchief he had given her. It had a nice, pleasant scent. Turning it over she saw the initials 'H.R.' She traced it with her fingers and wondered what it stood for. She had a sudden longing to see that stranger again. In that short encounter, he had made her feel alive again. Even amidst his own invisible tears, he had noticed hers.
That simple kind gesture touched her heart. Tucking the handkerchief into one of her pockets, she allowed herself a small smile.
Perhaps there was a reason to keep trying, after all.
Chapter One: Invisible Tears
At a secluded corner of the okiya, a girl sat there staring out of the window and feeling the cool morning air against her face. After awhile, she slowly got up and made her way back to where her next class was starting in a few minutes. This had been her daily morning ritual ever since she first stepped foot there. The nights were bad but the mornings were the worst. The sunrise meant nothing, each day was the same to her.
"Tsukushi!" a cheery voice called out to her.
Turning around, she gave a smile to one of her few true friends at the okiya.
"Morning Yuki. What class are you having now?" Tskushi asked.
"Ikebana." Yuki made a face. "I hate arranging flowers. I just can't seem to get it right no matter how much I try. I wish I was like you, Tsukushi. You just seem to pick things up effortlessly. No wonder Okasan always sings your praises. I bet you will become a geiko soon."
Tsukushi laughed, "That's not true," although in her heart she knew it was. Learning just came effortlessly to her. She was blessed with talent and beauty, pre-requisites to become a top geisha. "But so what?" she often thought to herself bitterly. "I didn't even want to be here in the first place. I don't even care about being promoted to a geiko."
Turning her attention back to Yuki, she said, "I have shamisen training now. I'll see you later." And so the two of them parted ways.
At least she was starting the day with something she actually liked. The shamisen was a three-stringed instrument resembling a small banjo and Tsukushi loved playing it. In fact the shamisen was her greatest strength and she felt at peace whenever she was plucking the delicate strings. Just hearing the melodious strains of the notes made her content. When the class ended, she felt hollow again.
Sighing she left the room. She had to do several errands before her next class began. She had to pick up a new kimono for Shizuka Toudo, the most popular geiko in the okiya. Walking along the streets of Gion always made her feel depressed. Passing several geishas she recognised, she bowed to them and went on her way.
Tsukushi always wondered what would happen if she kept walking. Perhaps she might drop off the face of the earth and never be seen again, which to her would be an improvement given the state of her life now. Just merely existing was painful.
She hated the way that she had to put on a mask in front of everyone. In the course of her training, she was always drilled that, "Make your clients feel that they have done no wrong, can do no wrong and will never do any wrong." It was all that geishas lived for.
This totally went against Tsukushi's direct and open nature. She liked to say and do things the way they were. Being a geisha was the last thing she wanted if she had a choice. But she hadn't.
At the age of 6 years old, her very own parents had sold her to the okiya. Just thinking about them made her heart ache dully again. Her mind wandered to that day which seemed so long ago.
Flashback
"Tsukushi. We are going away for awhile. You have to stay here and be a good girl all right?" her mother had whispered to her at the okiya where she was to be left behind.
"But can't I come too?" she had pouted.
"No, Tsukushi. The place where we are going to is not suitable for little girls like you. Trust us. We will come back for you," her father reassured her.
So they had left her there. That same night, unable to sleep in a different environment, she tossed and turned in her new bed. Finally she decided to sneak out and search for her parents. Her mum had told her that they were leaving that night, so she crept along the dark streets determined to reach her parents before they left.
Reaching her home, she spied a car outside the front door. Her parents were packing in their luggage and were putting their last suitcase in the boot when Tsukushi ran up to them, yelling at them not to go.
Tsukushi's mother had hugged her and told her to behave herself at her new home while her father had looked on rather impatiently. Finally she let go and both of them got in the car. Tsukushi tried to do the same. Never would she have imagined that her father would actually shove her away and slam the car door in her face.
Her dress had been caught on the door and she was forced to run along with the car as it sped on the road. Her tiny fists pounded on the window and begged her father who was driving to stop. He paid no attention to her and drove faster instead.
Her mother just looked down in her lap. Tsukushi could not keep up any longer and she was dragged along. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, her dress tore and she was left behind. But the little Tsukushi had a never-say-die spirit and she refused to give up. Struggling to pick up herself up, she started running again after the car whilst sobbing pitifully, "Mum! Dad! Please wait for me!"
But they never looked back and it was at that instant that she realised this was the last time she was ever going to see them again. Finally she collapsed on the road and lay there limp like a little ragdoll before the hired help from the okiya carried her back. There, Okasan had told her that the okiya was her home now. It was only years later that she realised her parents business had failed. Their only choice was to escape from their debtors and to raise the money for that, they had to sell her to the okiya.
End of Flashback
Since than, the indomitable spirit that Tsukushi possessed seemed to have died in her. It had been replaced by one of apathy where she constantly thought, "Why bother trying?" That was why she never attempted to run away from the okiya. The scars from when she was a child had never healed properly. The open wounds were left to fester and they never went away.
As she continued to walk along the streets of Gion, Tskushi wondered if there would ever be anything that would resurrect that feisty attitude buried deep inside her again.
She remembered something Yuki had said once, "In life, each person would always have that special something that they will pursue and not give up for anything in the world."
Shaking her head Tsukushi continued along her way to complete the errand for Shizuka. She doubted that she would ever feel so strongly about something ever again. Suddenly she felt overwhelmed by it all and buried her face in her hands. It was something that came all too easily for her these days and she resented herself for that.
"You look like you could use this," a sudden voice interrupted her thoughts.
Startled Tsukushi looked up and saw a well-dressed young man holding out a handkerchief to her. She stared and him and hesitated for awhile before taking it.
"Dry your tears with that," he said shortly before walking away.
Tsukushi stood rooted for the spot for awhile. Wiping away her tears, she stared at the back of the retreating figure. Those haunting eyes of his contained something hidden in its depths. When she gazed into it, she thought she recognised something in it that resembled how she felt. Was it possible to feel total affinity with a stranger?
She looked at the handkerchief he had given her. It had a nice, pleasant scent. Turning it over she saw the initials 'H.R.' She traced it with her fingers and wondered what it stood for. She had a sudden longing to see that stranger again. In that short encounter, he had made her feel alive again. Even amidst his own invisible tears, he had noticed hers.
That simple kind gesture touched her heart. Tucking the handkerchief into one of her pockets, she allowed herself a small smile.
Perhaps there was a reason to keep trying, after all.