A Friendly Chat in Paradise

Disclaimer: Again, I have no ownership whatsoever of Saiyuki characters. I own Taka, and Akuma owns Akuma…except when she goes schizophrenic- its kind of confusing. Anyway, I own nothing. sniff Darn…

note: If you liked this fic feel more than free to read the others. I have several stories in the making and they are all just as random as this one is. R&R!

Ch. 2 Round 1 of Disaster

"Y- yeah…that's right folks! How many sp-sparrows in an English g-garden?"

Taka stuttered. "And um, the first guest here is everyone's favorite moody monk, leader of the Sanzo-ikkou: Sanzo! Sure he's corrupted, unstable and might shoot you if you annoy him but he's got a heart of gold…deep, deep down. Please welcome- Genjyo Sanzo!"

Sanzo walked onto the set in a very grumpy mood. He sat down in the chair opposite Taka and started to arrange his priest robes so that he would be comfortable. Brushing his blond hair from his eyes, he told the host, "Can we just get this over with so I can leave."

"Uhh…Sure thing priest…" Droopy eyes, baldy…

"Are we rolling?"

"Yes we are! So, Sanzo- How many sparrow in an English garden?" Darn, this question is so stupid. He'll think I'm on crack or something!

"What?"

Yep! I'm definitely on his official druggy list… "How many sparrows in an English garden?" Taka repeated blushing cherry red with embarrassment.

"Sorry, I can't understand you over the noise of the birds. Did you say something about a barrel of English muffins?"

"No, I said-"

"Shut up you stupid birds! I said SHUT UP!" The priest yelled. He then proceeded to pull out his gun at shoot at the feathery music-makers. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

"What the- Who allowed Sanzo to bring the gun on set!" Taka screamed.

"Cease and desist your incessant twittering or I WILL kill you!" BANG! BANG! BANG! More gunshots bounced off the stone walls and lodged into tree trunks.

"Somebody take his dang gun before he shoots someone!"

BANG! BANG! BANG! "Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!…. Ahem, now what were you saying?" he asked rather irritably.

"Never mind…" Taka retorted, "I think you answered the question. Well, thank you for your…um…enlightening views Sanzo. If you would please go back to the villa."

She turned to the camera. "And that concludes our interview with Genjyo Sanzo. Next we have the cutest, most annoying monkey in Shangrai-La! I wouldn't call him that to his face though! Despite being the shortest of the group he packs a killer punch. With a stomach the size of Alaska, please welcome Son Goku!"

Goku ran from the house and sat in the chair provided. "Hiya!"

"Hello there, Goku! Goku?" Taka asked as Goku seemed to groan loudly.

"Oops! That's just my stomach grumbling. I'm hungry."

"Stupid baka-saru! How can you still be hungry after you ate all of the refreshments in here?" came the outraged voice of Gojyo from inside.

"Sorry 'bout that," Goku grinned sheepishly.

"Its fine" she sighed. Great! Taka thought sarcastically, On top of the damage I've already caused I have to pay for the bullet holes and the expensive snacks that were gobbled. "Anyway Goku, How many sparrows in an English garden?"

"Sparrows? Ohhhh. Yeah, those taste great! I had some once; they were really tasty. The chef-person cooked them up in a delicious sauce. It was amazing!" His golden eyes unfocussed. "They smelled so good, and they tasted even better. Yeah…and they were served with spring rolls, and salad and goukime, and meatbuns, and fish, and tiger-yaki and…."

"Ewww…He's drooling! Stop the camera! Yuck!" Taka started to move away and then realized that it wouldn't be right to leave him smearing his saliva on the guest seat. "Goku? Goku! GOKU!"

"Wha?" he, said plunged from his daydream by her shout.

"Thank you for your time. You can go raid the pantry again," Taka told him dismally.

"And now please welcome the half-demon, the hottest water sprite you'll ever see and the most lecherous one as well, Sha Gojyo!"

Gojyo came striding over to the set Scarlet hair swinging and red eyes glinting. Yep! Taka thought, He's definitely hotter in person.

"Hey baby." He nodded and winked one of those wine colored eyes. Taka felt her heart flutter and all thoughts abruptly faded from her mind. She didn't even register when he asked," So watcha doing tonight?"

A discreet cough from the director brought her back. "Oh! Gojyo, How many sparrows in an English garden?"

"Huh? Sparrows? Sparrow is the name of that chick I picked up back in- Oh, ya mean birds? What, am I the pet-shop keeper now? I've already got a monkey! #&! I toldSanzo I'm not gonna be his errand boy any more, darn it!"

Taka, a little surprised by his outburst fell of the chair. (She's clumsy. What else would you expect?) Gojyo broke off and came over to offer his hand. Blushing a bright scarlet to match his hair and eyes, she took it- and fainted.

The director stopped the tape and took over. "I'm sorry about this. She's had a long day."

"It's okay," Gojyo grinned, "I usually have that effect on women."

He went back inside while Akuma came out swearing and threw a bucket of ice water on the host. Taka came awake real fast! Spluttering she took the towel offered and glared at her friend. "w- what did you d-do that for!" she spluttered.

Akuma shrugged, "That was fun!"

"Oh well, lets get on with it," Taka said and flushed crimson again. Did I pass out all over him?" she asked dreading the answer.

"All over him!" Akuma affirmed gleefully.

Darn. "Ok start rolling again." Taka said to the director.

"Um- we've been filming the whole time. Sorry," he told her.

"Ya wha?" The host was too stunned to make her mouth move in any understandable direction. "Ok, ok. Let's keep going.

"Next, we have Hakkai. The handsome, good-natured, optimistic demon Cho Hakkai previously known as Cho Gonnou! Everyone say hi!" Tall, with brown hair and emerald eyes (one of them hidden behind a monocle), Hakkai strolled in smiling pleasantly. Hakuru, his dragon flew above his shoulder.

"So Hakkai, How many sprites- I-I mean sparrows in an English garden?"

"I have little experience with sparrows," he replied lightly. "I think I ran over one a couple of times. Oh and one pooped on my map."

"Ooooh, is that why you're always getting us lost and driving weird?" called Goku from the house.

" This is my interview thank you. "

Oh my gosh! He stopped smiling for a second!

"Anyway, I think jeep is scared of them. Do you want me to count?"

No it's ok. Taka thought."Oh sure, but don't feel obligated."

" No really-" he interjected.

"There's no need," This guy is way too nice.

"Seriously, I can count them, I can count. It's not like they're centipedes or…wait! It's coming back to me. I killed a thousand sparrows in my former…No! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" he yelled, falling to the ground.

"Gojyo, get in here and slap Hakkai!" Taka shouted jumping to her feet.

Gojyo sprinted on and whacked Hakkai across the face. "Oh, Ok better," Hakkai said.

"Are you sure you are all right?" she asked him apprehensively. I just wanted to see Gojyo again. I'm so pathetic!

"I'm fine," he replied amiably.

"Ok. Well thank you and goodnight." Taka waited for Hakkai to exit and then sat down again. "That completes the first half of our interview. Thank you for watching!"

"Cut!" called the director. "That's a wrap."

A/N: Thanks for reading people! Hope you like it. R&R!