A Friendly Chat in Paradise

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki…I think everyone is aware of this. I am a pathetic person who loves sugar and meatcleavers ok? So naturally I don't own anything but said sugar and cleaver.

All right, all right…I'm finally updating, not that I seem to have many people checking but- WHACK! -my pity party is over. A special thanks goes out to saiyukisexy. She is soooooooooooo awesome! Thank you for your reviews. U ROCK! Everybody else follow her wonderful example and R&R too ok?

Ch. 3- Evil Interviews.

Taka entered the garden again several hours later. Her black hair swung in her face and her eyes glittered. I'm ready, she thought. This thought was a little late in coming however. It had taken an hour of extensive therapy just to form. She had good reason for the delay though. After all, she was interviewing Saiyuki characters.

"Are you ready Taka-san?" the film director asked concernedly.

"Absolutely," she replied. "Let's roll."

The camera was switched on and at the director's prompting Taka began to speak: "Hello there and welcome back to A Friendly Chat in Paradise! This is an exclusive interview with the many famous people, demons…and….stuff of Shangrai-La!"

There was a loud BANG from the villa and an evil cackle. Taka looked back at the home worriedly. If they're causing damage again, I'm gonna...!

"Anyway, please welcome to the set the Lady of the Castle, the wife of the totally evil dude that Nataku destroyed, the evil demon chick with the funky green hair that bosses everybody around- Gyokumen Koushu!" Woah, Taka thought when she came gliding out of the villa- She is really pretty scary looking…no fashion sense what so ever.

"Heh…So Lady Guy-oky-yu-mon Koa-shoe, how many sparrows in an English garden?"

"Sparrows, hmmmm? Do Sparrows have minds or wills? Can they be converted to our cause my pet? Maybe I could turn Lirin into a sparrow… no she talks too much as it is…Perhaps Kougaigi would be more willing if we threatened to torture sparrows…."

"Um…"

"Or we could use them as snipers on the Sanzo-Ikkou. YES! I'm brilliant! I'll use sparrows to rid myself of those annoying pests!"

"HEY! No evil plotting on set!" Taka yelled.

"AND WHO EXACTLY WERE YOU CALLING AN ANNOYING PEST HUH?" Goku bellowed from inside.

"Yes! The world will be mine!" Koushu cried exultantly.

Sparrows started to dive bomb the camera crew. Yelling and dropping the camera and equipment, the crewmen shouted and fled toward the house. Taka grabbed a stick and started playing Sparrow Softball while chasing the psychotic lady from the vicinity.

Several loud CRASH! BANGs! And a couple of BOOM!s later all was well on the set. Sure there was a decrease in sparrows and camera men (don't ask me where they went) as well as some more ruined property that Taka would probable have to pay for, but otherwise everything was ship-shape.

"All right," Taka said with a grimace… who's next?"

"It's Kougaigi. Oh- and you have a bunch of leaves in your hair." The director replied snidely.

"Thanks," she muttered. "Ok lets get on with it."

The camera started and the director said 'ACTION!'. "Well folks, we have a real treat today. The infamous son of Gyumaoh, the second-hottest red head ever (after Gojyo), the leader of the Kougaigi-ikkou, Kougaigi himself!"

Kougaigi calmly came onto the set, turned the chair right side up, and sat down. "Whatever- lets just get this over with. I'm only here because Lirin wanted to come."

"Ooooh how nice! It's a family occasion! If only Gyumaoh wasn't like totally frozen…" Taka spaced out.

"Ahem."

"Oh! Right, How many sparrows in an English garden? And please try to keep your answer… un-violent."

"Why do I care how many effing sparrows there are?"

"Kay," The host said cheerfully, thankful that it had been short and to the point. "Well thank y-"

CRASH! A huge boulder FELL on top of the villa and while everyone was safely out of it, Taka was livid.

"WHAT in HEAVEN'S NAME DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" Taka screamed at a small flame-haired figure.

"Is it my turn? Is it my turn? Is it? Huh Oni-chan? Huh?" an extremely hyper Lirin asked excitedly as she perched on Sanzo's shoulder.

"CUT!" Taka yelled as she stormed over to Lirin. " Now explain exactly WHY you dropped a BOULDER on the place that I'M PAYING FOR!" I'll kill her- I really will. Scratch the law, the paperwork, and the jail-time, I'm gonna kill 'er!

"I wanted to get the Sanzo party! But they got out again. Sanzo-sama gave me a meatbun though!"

"Lirin, you idiot," Kougaigi fumed as he stepped forward, "Why in #& do you have to do this every time!"

"YOU DESTROYED THE ENTIRE PROPERTY MINUS THE GARDEN JUST TO MAKE A BAD ATTEMPT ON THE CORRUPTED MONK"S PATHETIC LIFE? I"LL…I'LL… ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!"

Akuma dashed forward to dump yet another bucket of ice water on the host. This seemed to calm her down somewhat, at least enough that she wouldn't strangle someone.

"Now," Akuma smiled, "repeat after me: Thank you all for coming-"

"Thankyouallforcoming" a sopping wet Taka muttered sullenly.

"Ah-ah-ah. Smile." The raven-haired girl fixed a rather strained smile on her face. "now say: unfortunately there have been some difficulties…" Akuma told her gleefully.

"UnfortunatelytherehavebeensomeDIFFICULTIES…"

"so the program will continue in an hour"

"sotheprogramwillcontinueinanhor…try NOT to kill each other." Taka glowered.

"Haha- she sounds like a dying parrot! Repeating everything!" Goku giggled.

Taka glowered.

Gojyo snorted, "Its not like a monkey is any better."

Taka glowered.

Hakkai smiled.

Taka glowered.

"Glad I'm not paying for this mess- the Three Aspects would kill me." Sanzo shrugged.

Taka glowered. That is, she did until she realized that Sanzo's idea had it's merits… then she smiled, "OK, everyone! Crew, cast, all the jazz, its clean-up time! Sweep the rubble off the set, fix the camera, and for Gods-sake someone stop Goku from eating that dead bird. It's disgusting!"

Well, she thought, At least I still have the garden…

One hour later

Taka came on set and made an announcement. "We are going to take a bit of a break from the evil interviews as we've had some bloody bad luck with them…" Mischievous grin. "So, we are inviting the Three Aspects for an interview before we continue."

"So Aspects, how many sparrows in an English garden?"

Aspect #1- "Blah blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda blah dadeedadeeda. Thank you."

Aspect #2- "The gibberish gibberish, blah blah blah, lalalalalallalalalalala, spatula mustard blah.

Taka yawned. Wow, they really ARE boring. I can't even pay attention to what they're saying…although, did they say spatula? "So did you know that Sanzo is using your credit card to pay for this whole mess? Because, technically, this is his fault and I'm charging him for it…"

All Aspects- "WHAT!"

A violent debate broke out in which the aspects stared to bang their heads on one another. Even though this was quite amusing, Taka thought it best to move on before Sanzo found out…

"Now folks, on with the other side of the interviews! Our next interview victim- er… I mean- honorable guest- is Doctor Nii. He may have a cool name but this classic evil scientist is a real…dip. Please welcome Nii! Oh and his bunny doll thing."

"So, Doctor," Taka smiled stiffly as she edged away from him, "How many sparrows in an English garden?"

"Sparrows?" he queried, raising an eyebrow. (This action is meant to be dashing but Nii makes it look kinda weird.) He looked at the bunny whimsically.

"Yes, sparrows. How many are there in an English garden?" Taka replied through gritted teeth.

Doctor Nii (and his bunny doll)- "Hu hu, sparrows, dearest are inconsequential. I'm sure you'll agree, bunny agrees- don't you my sweet?"

"Umm… ew. What is with the bunny complex anyway?"

"Haha, aren't you funny. She is isn't she my pet?" He looked at her and smiled.

"Oooookaayy…. That's a little creepy. Ya, definitely creepy. Taka scooted back further. (The bunny thing is messed up. Talk about issues.)

"You know I once had an experiment like you…"

"Um…security!" The 'security' rushed in. They were a couple of nerdy manga critics. "Hey they were all I could find on short notice."

Well that concludes our portion of Round 2- Evil Interviews.

Next- A higher level of opinions (and no I didn't mean politicians when I said evil.)

A/N: Man, I am so tired. Aya! My stupid plot bunny ran away for a while so I am sorry about the delay for this chappie! R&R anonymous or not. I love them!

A/N: I love to torture sparrows! Can you tell?