All Mistakes Are Temporary

by vamphile

Post 513 Not everyone is as happy as they thought they'd be about the decisions they made.basically Season Six, in which the characters return to the people we liked before CL destroyed them.

2. Chapter 2

The End Done Right 11 to 20

Chapter 11

Brian awoke to the feel of someone nibbling on his ear. He bit back a grin and remained still. Justin's mouth continued it's decent down to his neck. Soon he was leaving hot sweet kisses on Brian's Adams apple, and then moved further down his chest. Justin looked up, and seeing Brian bite back a moan, knew he was awake, but if he wasn't going to admit it, Justin would just make sure that he did.

His mouth latched on to Brian's nipple, licking and sucking and then biting at the puckered nub. Brian let out a moan as his back arched. Justin sat up. "I knew you were awake."

"Yes well you're very smart." He mumbled, bringing his hand to the back of Justin's head, and guiding it back down to his chest. "But I think you missed a spot."

Justin grinned widely and went back to his previous activities, slowly moving his mouth from one nipple to the other until he heard Brian moan again, which he took a signal to move on.

He kissed a trail down Brian's stomach until he reached a thatch of dark hair, at which point he blew ever so slightly, tickling Brian and making him gasp at the same time as the cool air crossed his now throbbing dick.

Justin leaned over Brian, searching, pulling a condom from the nightstand. He whispered into Brian's ear "I want to ride you."

Brian leaned his head back and gave a half smile 'I'm all yours." Justin kissed the sensitive spot on Brian's jaw, and moved lower. The sound of Justin tearing open the wrapper made Brian buck a little, and the gentle feel of his hand as he rolled the condom on him was exquisite. Justin straddled Brian, putting his weight on his knees he leaned forward, kissing Brian on the mouth, refusing to stop until he elicited a response. Brian resisted responding for several seconds before his hands were entangled in Justin's hair and head lifted to meet Justin's mouth. Their tongues danced, and then he felt Justin pull away.

He leaned his head back again; content to let Justin have his way with him. Justin's hand, soft, and warm grabbed the base of Brian's cock and held it as he slowly lowered himself down upon it. Brian bent his knees, digging his heels into the mattress, and Justin lowered himself completely and leaned back against Brian's thighs. He began to raise himself up and lower himself again riding Brian slowly, as he squeezed his anus causing Brian to let out another involuntary moan.

Then Justin began in earnest, pumping hard, not touching Brian anywhere else. Brian wanted to thrust upward, to stay inside him buried deep forever, but Justin continued to ride him, biting his lips to hold back any sound, he wanted no distractions, he wanted Brian to feel nothing but the sensation of being inside him, of his taut muscles gliding over him, soon, sure Brian was ready to come, he lowered himself fully and simply ground down, rocking just a small bit back and forth, leaning back on Brian's thighs as he squeezed hard on the base of Brian's cock, and he felt Brian convulse, watched as his entire body compressed and expanded with the force of the orgasm.

Justin loved the way Brian looked at that moment, head thrown back in complete abandon, control relinquished as he gave himself over to the power of the moment.

And then they were both still. Justin didn't want to move, and couldn't anyway, Brian's hands had found his hips and held him still, as he remained inside him.

It was several minutes before Justin lifted himself off of Brian and lay on his back, head on his own pillow.

Brian pulled off the condom and threw it in the trash and turned his body towards Justin. "That was so fucking Hot"

Justin smiled.

Brian glanced down to see that Justin still had a hard on of his own, and moved his head down towards the engorged member to relive the pressure. Justin was now the one with his head thrown back; moaning loudly and Brian's magical tongue did things that were indescribably agonizingly perfectly orgasmic. Brian tried to prolong the pleasure but Justin was too worked up and came quickly, calling out Brian's name in a manner that was both pleading and grateful at the same time.

When they were both laying back on the bed, sated and relaxed, simply enjoying the feel of their bodies, touching gently at the hips, Justin's head tilted slightly so that it was in contact with Brian's, cool air gliding over their sweaty bodies. Brian rolled onto his side, propping himself up on one arm, he was about to lean over to kiss Justin when he saw Justin's right hand laying against his chest.

He lifted it up.

"What the fuck happened?"

Justin tried to pull it away but Brian held tight. "Brian, that hurts"

"Yeah it looks like it does. You're supposed to go easy on it."
Brian hadn't seen his hand this bad since the first few weeks after the bashing, and while he knew it still sometimes gave him problems, he was concerned at how claw like it looked. "Straighten you fingers out."

Justin looked at him, trying again to pull his wrist back from Brian's grasp, still to no avail.

"Straighten your fingers out." Brian repeated

"It'll be fine once I shower, I just overworked it a little last night"

"Yeah, you've been overworking yourself a lot lately, seems to be your constant excuse, what happened to taking it a little easier, taking care of yourself AND your art?"

"There's a lot at stake Brian, this show has to go perfectly." He was still trying to pull his hand away, but Brian refused to relinquish it.

"There's a lot at stake Justin, that's for damn sure, but are you really willing to risk not being able to work again?"

"Brian, this is a total over reaction, come on, come take a shower with me and I'll show you how very loose my hand can get." Justin said, licking his lips suggestively.

Brian knew that maneuver, he'd taught it to him, the "look, we'll have hot sex and then not discuss whatever we were discussing" move, was one of the first things he'd taught the kid, pretty much right after what a rim job was and right before the many uses of ice cubes. He sighed and followed Justin to the shower, adding the hand thing to the alarmingly increasing list of self-care issues that Justin was refusing to acknowledge.

It was forty five minutes before they were out of the shower, and Justin's hand did seem to be fine, full dexterity, as he'd proven twice before turning off the water and heading down to breakfast.

Justin was pissed. He had forgotten to soak his hand, forgotten to hide it better, and Brian had seen it. It had cost him a lot to hide how much it hurt this morning, but he had proven to Brian that a hot shower was all he needed to be back to fully functional. Still he recognized that he was going to have to put a little more effort into seeming okay, or Brian would start his overprotective thing, it wasn't something he did often, and it was never overt, sometimes Justin actually thought that Brian believed that no one knew what he was doing, and maybe Michael never figured it out, and maybe Lindsay didn't see it, but Justin was on to him, and knew when his casual questions were masking a deeper concern.

He made a great show of cooking breakfast and joining Brian to eat. Granted he had to rinse out every bowl and pan before use because of the dust, and they had to eat in the den, but that is after all why they'd bought a table and chairs for this corner of the room. Sitting across from Brian and casually chewing and swallowing as if it weren't killing him to do so. Justin held it together until Brian left for work. He kissed him deeply, and sent him on his way, and as soon as the car was out of the driveway he sat back down on the couch and began to cry.

He couldn't stop. He was tired, he was sore, his hand was killing him, and he knew he had a lot more work to do today before he could rest again. Almost an hour later the contractors started to file in and he wiped his eyes splashed some cold water on his face and cleaned up the kitchen, then he locked himself in the studio, cracking every knuckle in his hand twice before resuming his work from last night. About a half an hour later he threw a water bottle across the room in frustration and went through the ritual of cracking the knuckles again. When the nausea hit him he rushed to the bathroom just in time and was aggravated that he hadn't even been able to hold down a couple of fucking eggs. If he lost more weight Brian was going to…

He wasn't quite sure what Brian was going to do except not be happy, and after all this time, all he really wanted was to finish this fucking art show and make Brian happy, and now it looked like he wasn't going to be able to do either. He gave up and took half a percoset, just enough to take the edge off of the pain and he had a couple of cigarettes, waiting for the pill to take effect.

Finally he got to work, the details on this had to be just right or there was no point in presenting it. As he started working his breathing slowed, his heart rate lowered to normal and soon he was too intent on the work he was doing to hear the phone ring.

Brian tried to reach Justin, hoping he could entice him to meet in the city for dinner but there was no answer. He wasn't particularly surprised, the way he concentrated while working, often with music blaring in the background he was more surprised when he DID answer the phone, still he felt like celebrating, the Rapkins people had loved his pitch.

It had been difficult to get the creative team on board because it was such a departure from his usual method of going straight for the groin, but this time he went in a more emotional direction.

Photos of empty kitchen and dining room tables, juxtaposed with tables of laughing smiling diverse groups of people, couples, families, etc.

The pictures all had the same copy

"Where everyone's family…and there's always pie."

Rapkins loved it. He explained the marketing plan, that they'd advertise in alternative manners, reminding the after hours crowd that Rapkins was open 24 hours, Giving those who wanted to meet up with friends an option that wasn't so coated in atmospheric décor that conversation became difficult.

He had gotten the idea when Justin had mentioned the diner, after all, there was nothing special about the diner, far from it, the food was mediocre at best, the lemon bars were questionable and the service well, it was really only enjoyable if you were there more for the company than the service itself, and that's what Rapkins was to become, a liberty diner for middle America, with pie.

Brian was feeling on top of the world. When he got home Justin was of course in his studio. When Justin opened the door, Brian gave him the good news and his beautiful blonde gave him that 1000-watt smile.

"So I'm taking you out to dinner."

Justin felt a pang but pushed it away, he wanted to make Brian happy, he could let the painting sit for a few hours. "We don't have to go to Rapkins do we?"

Brian laughed out loud "That would hardly be a celebration worthy of a 25 million dollar account now would it?"

Justin smiled wider "25 million, does that mean we can get the custom bead board for the kitchen?"

"We were already gonna do that."

"We were?

"Have I said no to you yet on this entire monstrous renovation?"

"Justin leaned in and kissed him on the nose, the only safe place to touch him while Brian was still in his work cloths and Justin was covered in paint.

Let me take a shower and we'll go celebrate Justin said, practically bouncing up the stairs.

Brian watched him go and then poured himself a drink. Justin had really scared him for the past couple of days, but he had finally, Brian concluded, scared himself.

Justin took as long as he could in the shower while he tried to get his breathing under control. He dressed quickly and took a deep breath, he even wore the Prada shoes that Brian loved on him and when he came down stairs he knew his efforts were worth it. Brian's look was animal, predatory, and hot.

He backed Justin onto the couch and it was almost an hour before they were both dressed again and actually headed out for dinner.

The next few weeks went by almost too quickly. Brian was swamped with two new accounts plus the very demanding Rapkins representative. Justin was working almost non-stop in the studio, but he was getting a lot accomplished. And things seemed to be better as far as Justin's health. No more issues with his hand, he joined Brian for breakfast as often as not, and was usually in bed by four am, granted this meant that he was only getting three or four hours of sleep a night but he told Brian he was also napping during the day, when the light wasn't right.

The great room was actually beginning to look both great and like a room, the kitchen cabinetry was complete and the tile finished, all that was left was to have the new appliances delivered. Gus's room was almost finished, the bed was on back order, and JR's room was everything any princess could ask for, Justin had actually taken a couple days away from the studio to paint a mural on the wall for her.

He'd hand painted the road on the wall of Gus's room, so that when the racecar bed arrived it would actually look like it was driving off down a highway.

The guest rooms were painted, and guest baths almost completed, all that was left was the delivery of furniture and accessories.

Brian held up two shirts, cocking an eyebrow questioningly

Justin pointed to the russet colored one on the left. Brian put it in his suitcase, and then shrugged and put the blue one in as well. Justin laughed, as he shoved a couple of pairs of jeans and a few t-shirts into his duffle bag.

They were going to New York for one of his mandatory appearances at the gallery. Justin was nervous, not just that his art wouldn't sell but that Brian would recognize what the painting was actually of. He wasn't sure if even Brian's ego could take seeing his own eye 10 feet tall. After the show they were flying straight into Toronto to visit Gus, and Mel and Lindz and JR, they'd only be gone five days but Justin wasn't quite sure how he was going to handle it.

When Brian was busy, which he had been for the last several weeks, it was easy to convince him that everything was fine. Easy to take a muscle relaxer at night to ease the cramp in his hand, easy to eat, and focus on keeping the food down for as long as possible. That was his new trick. He focused on simply NOT vomiting for as long as he could, allowing his body to absorb whatever nutrients it could before it all came back up. Sometimes he even held down an entire meal, but not usually.

He told Brian stories about Daphne and her new boyfriend, they weren't true but Brian worried less when he thought Justin was staying in touch with his friends. He called his mother at least once a week to tell her he was fine, and he allowed Brian five times, in the past three weeks to drag him to the diner or Debbies house at some point.

He seemed for all intents and purposes to be over the hump, and as a result Brian had relaxed, had stopped grilling him about his sleeping patterns or his eating patterns. He had learned how to hide those attacks that woke him up in the middle of the night. He was holding it together and more importantly Brian thought he was just fine.

Brian packed a few of Justin's nicer things in his suitcase, because Justin was incapable of packing anything without it becoming a wrinkled mess. Also because he wasn't stupid, he knew Justin would use any excuse to not leave the hotel or Mel and Lindz's and not having anything to wear wasn't going to be one of them.

Justin was doing better, he was eating and sleeping some, but he still woke up in the middle of the night with panic attacks, and his nightmares were getting worse. Brian knew that Justin thought he had him fooled. Each time he'd sit bolt upright in bed, and go to the bathroom as if the sound of running water covered the sound of vomiting and crying. Brian had tried to approach him about it once and he had denied it outright, he couldn't force Justin to talk about it, but he was annoyed that he was lying. He worked so hard to make it seem like he was fine, and Brian wasn't stupid, he knew he wasn't. He saw him massaging his fingers when he thought Brian wasn't looking. He'd become a master at looking like he'd eaten something when all he'd done was push the food around on the plate, and Brian had noticed that about two weeks ago, he'd added an ingredient to his cigarette and water diet, and that was scotch.

He didn't care if Justin drank, hell, he was one to talk, but how much pain management could one body take on three hours of fitful sleep a night?

This vacation would be good for the both of them. Brian had been working hard at Kinnetic and was actually looking forward to Justin being in the spotlight. Maybe then he could understand his value enough to start taking care of himself as if he were valuable. As it stood now, he seemed to be more worried about getting the house finished and the show finished then he was about his own health.

When they had finally finished packing everything they needed for the hip art scene in New York and the Lesbionic family life of Toronto they took the car to the airport.

"Brian"
"yes Justin"

"Can you tell me what you're going to take BEFORE we get on the plane this time?"
Brian laughed.

Chapter 12

It was the same suite as the Barney's trip.

"We're back in the world of room service and big soft beds."

"Yep, so no tortured starving artist crap, okay?"
Justin held up two fingers "Scouts honor."

"Christ, were you really a scout?"

Justin blushed, "Only for a couple of years, then I got more interested in drawing than tying knots."

"I don't know, there's a lot to be said for being able to tie a good strong knot." Brian spoke the words slowly, suggestively, leaning in close as he finished the sentence

"Hmmm, I guess I'll have to give it a try sometime then." Justin replied, "Might be interesting to see what happens when you have no control at all."

"Not gonna happen." Brian replied casually

"We'll see"

Brian just looked at him, and then laughed "So what time is your meeting at the gallery tomorrow?"

"Not 'til two, and then the show is Friday, are you sure you want to go, you don't have to you know."

Brian pretended to ponder the question "hmmm, see my brilliant…Justin being honored for his incredible talent, or sit alone in a hotel room watching hetero porn, I'll let you know."

Justin gave him an annoyed look "There are clubs in New York, and I hear there are even a few worthwhile places to shop, I wasn't suggesting you sit alone in the hotel."

"Oh, I see, so I should go out clubbing while you get hit on by every art critic in New York?"

"Are you worried some pretentious asshole is going to sweep me off my feet and steal me away from you?" Justin smirked.
"No, because I'm going to be there to make sure that doesn't happen."

"Brian" it was half whine half laugh.

"Relax sunshine, I WANT to see your work, and as for pretentious art critics, I give you more credit than that."

"So you're really sure you want to go with me? I mean I'm gonna have to circulate and…"

Brian leaned in and shut him up with a kiss, "I'm going to be at your art show, the proud…Brian of the most talented artist the town has seen in years." and then when you've schmoozed the last person, and drank the last glass of cheap champagne, and ate the last stale canapé I'm going to bring you back here to this very room, strip off every item of clothing, and fuck you until you can't remember a single name or number that was pressed into your hand."

"Do I have to go?"

"Yes, you are contractually obligated to attend."

"Stupid contractual obligations"

"You know, you're not contractually obligated to be anywhere tonight."

"Really?"
"Really."

So what do you want to do?

"I want to go out dancing."

Brian looked at him as if he'd suggested they try going straight. "Really?"

"Really, it's been so long since we've gone dancing, and I never really got a chance to hit the clubs, any of the times I've been in New York."

"Well, you must have visited at least one or two when you were living here."

Justin wrinkled his nose, "didn't interest me then."

"And it interests you now?"
Justin shrugged, "Didn't see the point then, I knew I wasn't gonna find you there.

Brian tried to absorb this, he had always assumed that Justin had merely glossed over guys he'd seen and done in New York, he was now beginning to realize that Justin may have actually spent the entire time painting, and sleeping on an uncomfortable sofa.

"So we go dancing."

"Well it's still early"

Brian looked at his watch; it was only 8, far to early for anything but trolls and losers. "You're right…hmmm, how to kill the time."

Justin smiled "I say we crack open the mini bar, and relax."

"You know, you really are very smart…for your age"

Justin stuck his tongue out at Brian bouncing over to the mini bar, threw him a couple of tiny bottles, and grabbed a few for himself. They spent the next couple of hours developing a nice buzz, and fucking.

The club was, well, it was a club, loud, hot, with a beat that hit you in the solar plexus. Over priced drinks and hot guys cruising the both of them, separately and together. They hadn't discussed it but both seemed content to dance with each other. Brian was somewhat gratified to see that even after all this time, (six months, Christ it felt like longer), the two of them still drew stares when they danced together.

It was more than Justin's Twinkie goodness, and more than his confident swagger, together, they were something else entirely, and it felt good to move together, to separate and dance with others only to return to one another a few songs later.

Justin pulled a popper out of his pocket and Brian looked surprised, although he shouldn't have, hell, he just learned today the kid was a boy scout, and here he was, prepared.

The hazy buzz of amyl nitrate, combined with excessive amounts of scotch and the site of Justin, smiling, carefree, exuberant made him pull the boy closer, and then pull him off the dance floor altogether.

It was a practiced dance that they had done so long ago, as he would usher Justin into a back room but it had been a while and for some reason he was slightly more tentative, he needn't have been, Justin followed him gladly, and as Brian pushed him against a wall, pushing Justin's pants down off his hips, kissing his neck, it felt familiar and new and exciting at the same time, and Brian remembered why he loved this. He knew, with all the bullshit that had gone on in the past couple of months that he should be analyzing Justin's actions more, figuring out why a kid who's been practically a hermit suddenly wants back into the club scene, but right now, at this moment, all he wants is to bury himself deep inside him.

He pins Justin's arms above his head, and hears him moan, opening the condom wrapper with his teeth he slides it on in a well-practiced motion. His cock is throbbing and he pushes slowly, just hitting the rim of Justin's ass. Justin moans louder, his forehead against the wall, his arms above his head, pushing back trying to take more of him inside, but Brian savors the moment, moving just the head in, and then pulling out, he hears Justin whimper and he leans in, kissing his neck where it meets his shoulder, nipping at the sensitive skin there.

"Tell me what you want,"

"I want you,"

"What do you want me to do?"
"Fuck me."

"What?" Brian nipped a little harder and Justin moaned louder

"FUCK ME!"

A few heads turn but Brian just smiled and pushed deeper into him, he pressed his body against Justin's, pinning him to the wall for a moment allowing Justin a moment to adjust to the feeling of being filled by him.

Then he pulls back and begins in earnest, pounding into him, hard and steady, Justin pushing back meeting his every thrust, Brian keeps his arms pinned and Justin struggles just a little because he wants to come, wants to touch himself. "I'll do it for you" Brian says, and with his free hand grasps Justin's weeping cock. He presses his thumb against the slit, as he thrusts deeply into him and Justin moans his name "Brian" and then he matches his thrusts to his hand motions as he runs his hand from the base of Justin's cock to the tip and back again, running a finger around the head as if it were his tongue.

Brian loves this part, the part where he's in control, the part where Justin doesn't want anything but more of Brian's touch, and finally, he speeds up his motions and they come together, both throwing their heads back as if in a choreographed dance and as soon as Justin shoots all over the wall Brian releases his hands, and pulls out of him.

Justin turns around quickly, kissing Brian so hard he almost falls backwards. His legs are wrapped around Brian's waist and the taller man takes a step forward, leaning Justin against the wall for support as he continues to kiss him. Eventually Justin thighs release their grip on Brian's waist and he lowers his feet to the ground. He throws his head back and laughs. I thought my knees were gonna buckle. Brian just looks at him. Justin tilts his head and looks back "What?"

"You are fucking hot"

Justin smiles, "Dance with me." they straighten their clothes, and spend the next hour entwined together, hypnotized by the strobe lights, the thumpa thumpa, each others eyes, and the musky scent of one another, and at four in the morning they stagger back to the hotel to fall asleep, spent and exhausted.

Justin wakes up first, but not with an anxiety attack, with a smile. He had originally suggested the club to show Brian he wasn't a hermit, and to give Brian a chance to release, to just forget everything. He knew there were too many memories in the small gay community of Pittsburgh for Brian to really feel that same freedom that would come with the anonymity of a club elsewhere. What he hadn't counted on is how much he had needed it, or at least wanted it. He had been scared to death but Brian would be there, nothing to bad could happen if Brian was there, and then they were just… back, like they were so long ago, happy, carefree, dancing, watching men gaze enviously at them, and the back room, Justin had forgotten how good raw sex based on drugs and need could be, and suddenly realized why Brian thought people who gave this up forever were idiots.

No, he didn't want to dance every night, but every once in a while, it was nice to just lose yourself in the crowd, in the movement, in the beat, in the heady scent of sex and beer and catty gossip. Last night had been good for him and now if he could just get through today, this meeting, and tomorrow, the show, he would, he swore to himself, take better care of himself, stop being so pathetically afraid all the time, and let go of his death grip on Brian.

Brian opened his eyes slowly, his head feeling as if it were weighted down. He moaned a little and threw his arm over his eyes to block out the daylight. "Christ" he thought to himself, "Am I actually getting too old for this?" Then he smelled coffee, and heard Justin, "c'mon old man, you'll feel better if you drink this." He sat up to be rewarded with a mug of coffee just the way he liked it, black with about a pound of sugar.

"Last night was fun."

Brian nodded silently, not actually ready for conversation

Justin seeing Brian's need for a little morning silence kissed him on the forehead and grabbed his sketchbook.

Brian glanced over at the blonde, who looked no worse for wear, and realized that there was to be another entry in the "moments I'd rather not have captured" section of Justin's sketches. "Why don't you wait until I'm showered and dressed before you immortalize me?"
"Because that's boring, I like it when your face is all smooshed from the pillow, and your hair is kinda everywhere and you can barely keep your eyes open or your head up."

"You're a freak."

"Well, I was taught by the best."

Brian snorted, the closest he was going to get to a laugh until the caffeine did it's magic. He held up the mug of coffee "Thanks."

Brian glanced at his watch, it was noon, they still had a little time before Justin was due at the gallery. "Come here"

Justin put down his pencil and pad and walked over to him, wearing only the hotel robe, looking for all the world as he had the day Brian had found him the first time he'd run away.

Justin, sensing what Brian wanted, dropped the robe to the floor. Brian put the coffee mug down, and pulled Justin by the arm until his naked body fell on top of his.

They were running a little late when they finally got to the gallery.

Brian hung back, watching Justin, who seemed intent on convincing Ranston of something.

"It's upside down."

"Not a problem we can fix that. I'd like for you to be here on Saturday as well, if that's possible."

"I'm sorry, I have to be in Toronto on Saturday, but I'll be back in a month or two for another appearance."

"There are going to be some very important people here tomorrow."

"And I'll be here as promised, circulating and schmoozing." Justin threw the gallery owner a sunshine smile, "So can I see what other pieces are going to be in the show?"

Ranston put his arm across Justin's shoulder and led him around to the back of the gallery where some of the other artists' work that would be featured was being stored.

Brian watched Justin carefully, he could see a tight pulled look in his face, a sure sign of nerves, and then he watched him give that Ranston guy that smile, and he pretended that it didn't bother him. It was harder to pretend that he was okay watching the gallery manager so casually drape himself around Justin and lead him away. Brian took a deep breath, reminding himself that this was part of the deal.

Justin was so absorbed in the other artists' work that he lost track of time, it was almost two hours later when he emerged from the back room. His eyes searched the gallery franticly and he began to panic when he couldn't find Brian.

He glanced at his watch and realized just how long he'd been back there "oh god, he left, he just left." Justin closed his eyes, and tried to breathe but the air wouldn't come, his throat was closed, his mouth dry, his heart was racing; he was going to pass out. He was standing in the middle of the gallery, white walls spinning around him when Brian walked in.

Brian's eyes found Justin immediately, "about fucking time." He thought to himself, and then he really focused on him, "shit" his long legs covered the space between them in moments, and Justin was buried into his chest breathing deeply before he was even sure what was happening.

When Justin saw Brian he thought he was imagining it, he was dizzy, and felt like he was about to fall, but he couldn't move, he was cemented to the floor. But then he felt Brian's arms around him, and Justin breathed, inhaling the scent of Brian burying his head into Brian's chest.

Brian said nothing; he just kept his arm around Justin as the left the studio and walked a couple of blocks. Once Justin seemed to have calmed a bit he held him at arms length. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"You were gone."

"I went out for a cigarette, you were back there for two hours. Justin what happened, did he…"

"He?"

"The gallery guy"

"Did he what?"
Brian was still a bit shaken, Justin had looked like he was about to collapse, unheeded tears had been streaming down his face, and he seemed so desperate when they finally came together, he couldn't help but wonder if that fucker Ranston had hurt Justin. His stomach knotted at the thought, his jaw clenched.

"Did he hurt you?"

Justin looked at him confused "Ranston, why would he hurt me?"

Brian rolled his eyes, "what the fuck Justin, I go out for a cigarette, I walk back in and you're crying, looking like all the blood has drained from your body, tell me what happened" this last part he said more quietly, realizing that Justin was still upset.

Justin inhaled a ragged breath. Nothing happened, I was looking at the other stuff that was gonna be in the show, and I lost track of time, I guess I just freaked when I realized how long I'd been back there…"

"And that I wasn't there. Did you think I left?"

Justin looked down, embarrassed, realizing this was probably the stupidest reason to be upset ever.

"Look at me Justin"

"Justin raised his eyes slowly"

"Did you think I left, just walked out without a word?"
"Yes"

"Do you really think I'd do that?"

"No"

"Then what's with the drama queen tears?"

"Just practicing I guess, in case something bad actually happens." Justin tried to smile, to turn this back into something light and funny.

Brian pulled Justin towards him, draping his arm protectively around his shoulder, "Tell you what, why don't we go buy something insanely expensive and almost as pretty as me, and then go back to the hotel for some really hot…room service."

Justin laughed and said, "you think there are things almost as pretty as you?"
Brian leaned in and kissed him "there's you"

And Justin swallowed hard and forced himself to simply repress any more feelings of doubt he had at the moment. He was with Brian, the show would be fine and then they could get out of New York.

"We could go to FAO Schwartz and spend a ridiculous amount of money on your son and his sister, maybe even buy something for Sam."

Brian smiled, "Excellent plan, lets go spoil the kids rotten."

The room was now cluttered with toys. Brian had gone overboard at the toy store, but he couldn't resist. Justin had been almost happy, except for the tightness around his smile, he was genuinely enjoying picking things out for Gus and JR.

"We're going to have to pay extra to get all this stuff on the plane you know"

Brian just looked at him I just spent a couple grand on stuffed monkeys and dancing giraffes, you think I care what it's gonna cost to get them there?"

Justin shrugged, "Mel's gonna have a fit."

"Yeah well that's not new. You ready?"
"Ready as I'll ever be. Have I mentioned that I hate these things?"
"About fifteen times in the last half hour"

"Well, it bears repeating"

"Just remember, schmooze, champagne, canapés, home, fucking you senseless."

Justin reached up and snaked his arms around Brian, "don't wander too far tonight?"
"It'll be like I'm your personal body guard" Brian emphasized his statement by running his hands up and down Justin's body, watching his eyes dilate with desire. He bent his head to give him a kiss on the forehead and then smacked his ass, "Now lets go."

The show was uneventful, Brian managed to hover even from the other side of the room, wandering casually around and never quite taking his eyes of Justin. He watched him smile, shake hands, shove cards into his pocket as they were handed to him by art critics, art aficionados, and of course, the more than occasional guy who was just cruising the hot new artist. Justin paid little attention to any of the cards, just jammed them into his pockets and moved on. He constantly had a glass of champagne in his hand, and Brian noticed he didn't eat, but fuck, who would eat these disgusting hors devours. Finally hours later the last guest was gone, and Ranston shook Justin's hand, kissed his cheek, and Brian came up behind Justin his arms draped over his shoulders. Justin intertwined his fingers with Brian's and turned his head to kiss the only person who had kept him from falling apart this evening, even though they hadn't spoken a word to each other in hours.

"Ready to get out of here?"

"Mmmmmm, you know I drank the champagne and scmoozed the critics, now you have to keep up your end of the bargain." Justin emphasized the point by pushing himself back against Brian's body, feeling Brian's almost instantaneous arousal.

"Damn contractual obligations." Brian grumbled.

And they headed back to the hotel room.

Chapter 13

The plane landed in Toronto at a little after nine on Saturday morning. By the time they'd rented a car, managed to get all of the toys packed into it, and arrived at Mel and Lindz's it was well past noon.

Brian got out of the car and was immediately greeted by a blur of brown hair that attached itself to his legs calling "daddy daddy daddy" Brian smiled, and winced a little at the feel of the boys cast slamming against the back of his knee.

He bent down to pick up Gus, "Hey sonny-boy."

"Daddy, you're here!"

"Where else would I be?"
Gus seemed to ponder this for a moment, and then smiled "Away. But now you're not away. You're here." Gus then looked over at his mommies who were both hugging Justin hello. Justin was holding JR by the time Brian approached the group.

Lindsay hugged Brian while he was still holding Gus, and then took a step back, beaming at the both of them.

"Gus, why don't you let daddy and Justin bring their things in from the car, and then you can show him your new room."

"K" Gus wriggled until Brian put him down and laughed as the kid ran full speed towards a tire swing beside the house. "He's fast."

"He's in a hurry to do everything" Lindsay replied, reminds me of someone I know.

Brian took JR from Justin, "Christ, he looks like Michael, he's got his nose"

'Hi Brian" Melanie said as she removed JR from Brian's arms.

"Hey Melanie." Brian replied, relinquishing the girl.

The house seemed bigger inside than it appeared fro the exterior. The house in Pittsburgh had been somewhat cramped. This was large with an open floor plan.

He and Justin unloaded the car, and sat quietly as they listened to Gus squeal with delight at all his new toys, and Melanie and Lindsay admonish Brian for spoiling him.

"Well, if I don't spoil my sonny-boy, who will?"
"His parents" Mel said with a little more force than necessary. Brian was about to say something back when a hand on his knee from Justin and a glare from Lindsay made him reconsider. He shrugged, "We were bored, we killed some time."

"So Gus, you want to show me your room?"
Gus was entranced with a video learning system he'd just received and looked up at his dad and seemed to consider the question. "We can't right now, Sam is taking a nap." Brian nodded, and Justin moved down to the floor to play with Gus.

"So, have you two eaten?" Lindsay asked.

"No, we had to leave early, I'm going to have to kill Cynthia, she knows I hate morning flights."

"You're just mad because we got interrupted this morning."

Brian nodded, "Fucking bellman."

"Brian, language." Lindsay gave him a look.

"You told them to come get our stuff at seven."

"Who knew they were going to be on time?"

Lindsay laughed, "Honestly you two, don't you ever take a break?"
Brian's face, while pretending to consider the question, looked remarkably like Gus's, "No."

Well, let me at least make you some sandwiches, so you can keep your strength up.

Lindsay headed off to the kitchen.

Brian followed her.

"So how are you doing really?" he asked, sitting on a kitchen chair and propping his feet up on another.

Lindsay looked at him oddly, "Fine, I've been telling you we're doing fine for a while, why do you keep acting like you don't believe me?"

"Because I know you."

"Brian, nothing's wrong, it was a big move, and we're adjusting, everything is…"

"Fine." Brian finished for her.

"Yes, now could you please take these out to the table." she turned and handed him a couple of bowls filled with potato salad and something else that Brian wasn't going to touch, but he shrugged and put them on the table.

Gus was so busy telling the entire history of his day during lunch that he barely ate, apparently he and Sam had had several astounding adventures involving hiding under bushes, and running through a river, and chasing a rabbit for miles.

Brian listened attentively. He pretended not to notice that Justin barely ate his sandwich, but did manage to pull it apart and make it appear as if he had.

He hadn't pressed the food issue in New York, knowing that Justin's eating habits were directly related to stress and the show had thrown him off his game. But the piece had sold, for a higher price than expected. Brian had recognized what it was the moment he'd seen it. You can't spend as many hours as Brian Kinney did staring into the mirror without recognizing your own eye when it was staring back at you ten feet high. It amused him that someone now had him perpetually staring at them from their wall, but it amused him more that they had paid over 20 grand for the honor. He didn't mention the subject matter to Justin. But he was starting to get an idea of how much the artist had obsessed over him while in New York.

He looked over at Gus, who was still talking while Lindsay was trying to get him to eat something. She tucked her hair behind her ear as she tried to entice him to try a carrot stick.

"What the hell is that?"

Lindsay looked up quickly, and Brian put his hand on the spot where her jaw and neck met, there was a dark purple bruise. Lindsay pulled his hand away and moved her hair back to cover it, laughing "someone was a little overzealous with the hugging while wearing his cast."

"But mommy…" Gus said

"Oh honey, it's okay I know it was an accident." And she picked Gus up and said, do you think Sam is awake yet?"

Gus grabbed Brian and Justin's hands and dragged the upstairs, the house was sparsely furnished downstairs and the upstairs was in a similar state. Gus had bunk beds, "Sam sleeps on the top one and I get the bottom one which is cooler 'cause it's like a fort."

Mel had already taken Justin and Brian's bags up to the spare bedroom, which was outfitted simply with a bed and a single dresser.

"We're back to tortured starving artist world," Brian whispered into Justin's ear. Justin laughed and they continued to listen to Gus prattle on about Sam and his dog and the mean monster that they had narrowly escaped.

He sat on Gus's bed and listened to him go on about how loud the monster got at night. Gus climbed up and sat next to him on the bed, telling him a long story about the return of the Jedi, and Brian nodded and "mmmmmm hmmm'd" at the appropriate times. When Justin popped his head in on them twenty minutes later they were both sprawled half on and half off the bed asleep. Gus was pressed against his father's chest, Brian's arm laying half off the bed and serving as a pillow for his son.

Quietly Justin grabbed his sketchpad and pencil from his bag and sat at the door, capturing the moment.

Lindsay walked by smiling at the vignette on her way downstairs.

"Well Brian hasn't changed much" Melanie said as she began picking up and trying to find a place for all of the things they'd brought for Gus and JR.

"Mel, he hardly ever gets to see him, and he just wants Gus to know he's loved."

"He is loved, buy US, his parents, you and me, why the fuck did he even have to come up here?"
"Mel, Gus is his son, and Brian has changed, a lot. Did you see the way he was with Gus, and with Justin, he's softened."

"Why do I even bother, you always take that asshole's side."

"Mel that's not fair"

"And what is fair, is it fair that we had to leave the fucking country, is it fair that they won't let me practice law, is it fair that Brian fucking Kinney can provide for us and our kids when I can't?"

"Can't we just be grateful that he's willing to help?"
"No, I can't be grateful, I… You know what, FUCK THIS."

And with that Mel left, slamming the door behind her.

The sound of the slamming door woke Gus and his father. They both had the same groggy reaction, sitting up quickly. This of course caused Brian to hit his head on the upper bunk "FU…dge" He rubbed the spot he'd hit.

What was that noise?

"That was mommy leaving" Gus said, "She leaves loud sometimes."

Justin stood up and took his sketch into the bedroom to finish from memory while it was still fresh and Brian and Gus downstairs.

"Everything…"

"Brian, if you ask me if everything's okay I'm going to scream so just don't"

Lindsay was on the verge of tears.

"Hey Gus, why don't you go upstairs and Justin will give you some paper and you can draw with him okay?"

"K"

Gus ran up the stairs.

Brian sat on the couch next to Lindsay, pulled her to him and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Is the big bad Mel in a mood?"

"Yes"

"Is the big bad Mel mad that I'm here?"
"Yes"

"Is the big bad Mel gonna have to just get over it?"

Lindsay laughed, "Yes"

Well then, that's settled, "So what the fuck is up with you two?"

I've told you, she's stressed, Brian it's nothing. Brian nodded "If you say so."

"I do."

The rest of the visit went more smoothly. Melanie kept her temper in check, Gus and Sam were inseparable for the moment and Justin seemed to be pretty relaxed, for Justin.

There had only been one incident, a nightmare, causing him to accidentally wake Brian up by sitting up too quickly, not realizing where his hand had landed he basically punched Brian in the solar plexus. Brian had soothed him back to sleep and the next morning Justin didn't even seem to have a memory of the event.

Justin hugged and kissed Mel and Lindz goodbye trying not to cry when Gus was sobbing while saying goodbye to Brian, but he only held out until they got into the car.

"You okay there?"
"Yeah, I just…already miss him" he's so like you Brian

"Yeah but you've already got me, could you really deal with TWO of me?"
Justin leaned over and nuzzled into Brian's neck kissing him softly, I've missed you too.

They were late getting the car back, and they were both a bit disheveled when they finally got on the plane, but their smiles were wide, and Brian didn't get nearly as drunk this time, because it's hard to drink when there's a beautiful blonde who refuses to remove his tongue from your mouth or his hand from your pants.

"It's good to be home"

"It would be better if home weren't a construction site"

"They say they'll be done in two weeks"

Brian snorted, "That's what they told me when they started, two months ago"

"But you didn't believe them then"

"And I should believe them now?"
"It'll be done for the housewarming right?"
"I suppose, if not, it'll be one of Emmett's amazing theme parties, something with everyone dressed in hard hats and work boots."

"How very village people."

"We have to meet with Gregory tomorrow to finalize some things"

"do I have to be there?"

"Only if you want any say in the furniture for the great room, or the entire design of the bedroom."

"Tomorrow?"

"You got a hot date?"
"No I was just hoping to get some serious studio time in today and tomorrow, It's been almost a week"

"It's been four days."

"That's more than half a week."

Brian rolled his eyes, "okay, but then I'm going with the all black walls and the leopard print duvet."

Justin elbowed his chest lightly, and Brian winced, since he managed to hit the exact spot he'd bruised at Mel and Lindz's. "Whoops, sorry."

"'Sokay, just watch your hands next time you wake up screaming, or you could hurt something really important."

"I wasn't screaming, I was just a little nervous."

"A little nervous? That's a lovely revisionist history lesson you're giving me"

"Okay maybe I was scared"

"Of what?"
"I don't wan to talk about it"

"Doesn't mean you shouldn't."

"It was a nightmare, I get them sometimes, you know that, it's part of my charm" Justin smiled a close-lipped little grin that always amused Brian.

"Yeah, you're fucking charming, and strong."

Justin leaned in and kissed the spot "Better?"
"Mmmmmm, but now it hurts, lower"

Justin locked his eyes on Brian while he kissed Brian's abdomen, loving the feel of the muscles involuntarily contracting at the sensation. "How's that?"
"The pain just keeps moving lower."

Justin smiled and moved his head under the blanket, swirling his tongue lightly around the head of Brian's cock. He repositioned himself for a better angle and began to lick and suck just the head until Brian growled. He knew Brian wanted more, but he was determined to go slow, to make him wait, to get him to ask for what he wanted directly. And so Justin didn't speed up at all. He licked, and swirled, eventually he ran his tongue down the shaft, flicking it and then ran it back up the other side. Finally he took the whole head into his mouth again, but refused to touch any other part of Brian or take him any deeper. He felt Brian move and lifted his head to prevent him from thrusting into his mouth. He continued the languid swirling of his tongue.

Brian was getting aggravated, he leaned his head against the pillow, trying to lose himself in the feeling but he wanted more, and the fucking kid knew it. Justin was toying with him and he was not amused.

"God dammit Justin, fucking blow me!"

Justin lifted his head and raised an eyebrow "Ask me nicely."

Brian couldn't believe the little fucker had the nerve.

"You can have anything you want, all you have to do is, Ask. Me. Nicely."

Justin's voice was syrupy sweet, he licked lightly again at the now purple head of Brian's hard cock.

Brian gritted his teeth "Please. Blow. Me."

Justin seemed to consider the option and ran his tongue across the slit, applying just a small amount of pressure making Brian gasp involuntarily.

Brian had half a mind to get up and finish himself off in the shower, but he couldn't. Hell if he was gonna fucking beg for a blowjob. Then he looked down, Justin's eyes met his as his tongue shot out and performed another swirl.

Brian's voice was huskier now "I want you to blow me, please, I want to come in your mouth, I want to feel your lips on me, please. "

Justin smiled "All you had to do was ask." and then he went to work, sliding his lips all the way down until he hit the base of Brian's cock, feeling Brian actually slide down the back of his throat, he concentrated on a small swallow that made Brian practically buck. He continued his ministrations with tongue lips, and throat until he was sure Brian was ready, then his hand reached up and began to lightly fondle Brian's balls, delicate artists fingers working their magic, and Brian shot, moaning loudly. Justin wasn't done.

He continued to lick gently at Brian's cock and balls; licking him clean and when he was sure the job was complete he climbed back up to the head of the bed and kissed Brian. "There is no way you'd choose black walls and a leopard print duvet."

"I might, you should probably come with me as you have much better taste than I do."

"Flattery this is new."

"I just don't feel like hearing you bitch if you don't like it"

"What if I promise I won't bitch?"

"Shut up, you're coming, now would you fucking untie my hands so I can get up and take a shower?"

Justin laughed, "told you that I could tie a good knot."

The next day they met with Gregory at Brian's office. He had fabric samples for the furniture for the Great room and color palate suggestions for the bedroom. The boys were poring over these while Gregory tried to point out the benefits and down sides of each. They were agreeing on nothing and Justin just wanted to finish and get back to the studio, but his artist's eye couldn't resist the challenge that was finishing the house. It was the house of his dreams. It was the house Brian had bought when he had finally been willing to take a chance on love and Justin was scared to fuck it up.

Brian just wanted it done. He was sick of wearing shoes in the house, sick of the dust, sick of eating out because the kitchen appliances had been removed and the new ones weren't due for another three days. He was grumpy and aggravated, and Gregory was a pretentious motherfucker.

He pointed to a set of fabrics; they were all in shades of red "these."

Justin shook his head, "We'll hate them in a week, plus too trendy."

Brian shrugged, "these?" they were a deep plum color accented with cream

Justin wrinkled his nose "My grandmother had her entire condo done in just those colors."

"These?" It was a pale yellow and Wedgwood blue.

"Just no." Justin replied "These." he pointed it was saddle colored leather with bone and hunter green accents.

"Little too hunt club for me." Brian said

Justin moved on… "These?"

Hmmm, Brian carefully considered them, the dark brown leather for the sofa with sage and cordovan velvet accents.

"I like it."

"So do I."

"So," Gregory asked, "Should I place the order?"

"Yes" they spoke in unison. They'd spent hours choosing the style of the sofa, Brian's tastes still fell towards modern and Justin was still convinced that the modern look would go badly in the new house. He had given in on the den, because, well, it was loft like, and they both felt comfortable there, but for entertaining, and to make the house the showplace that Brian deserved, he had finally talked Brian into something just a little more traditional.

Gregory was showing them the area rug and accent pieces he felt would best compliment their choices, and other than a small disagreement about the coffee table, the rest of the decisions went rather quickly.

But then they were back to the color schemes for the bedroom. There was in fact a black and leopard skin option that made them both smile, as they moved it directly to the NO pile.

They were left with three possibilities after sorting through some of the horrific options Gregory had provided. Someone, somewhere, might want tangerine walls with a blueberry carpet, but it wasn't what they were looking for.

They considered the three boards carefully, as the bed was already there, and had a light wood, modern art feel, Gregory was pushing for the white art gallery look, but even Brian had to admit that while he loved the clean lines, it looked more like a hospital room than anything else, and so they discarded the white as well.

That left them with the option of pewter textured walls, which Brian kind of liked and the one that Justin preferred, it was a soft celery color with accents in off white and light wood, that would compliment the bed nicely but be more warm and welcoming, according to Justin. In the end the bedroom was truly Brian's domain, and so they went with the pewter walls and brushed nickel hardware on the pale wood furniture with modern lines.

Gregory breathed a sigh of relief; he could finally order what was needed for the two rooms that had given the couple the most difficulty. This project may actually be completed; he had begun having his doubts.

Decisions made, notes taken Gregory left to go place orders, argue with suppliers, and generally do whatever was necessary to keep Brian from destroying his career if the house wasn't finished by the date of the house warming.

Brian looked at his watch; it was only 2:00 "Lets go grab some lunch at the diner."

"Mmmmmm, I'd love to", Justin replied, "but I have to get…"

"Back to the studio" Brian frowned

"Brian, you promised you weren't gonna give me any more shit about it as long as I took care of myself, and look", he stood up and turned in a circle, "I slept, I've eaten, hand's fine" he flexed his hand a couple of times to illustrate his point "so can I please go finish my art so I don't have to admit that I'm a total fucking failure who can't even get enough pieces together when offered his own show?"

Brian looked at him. "Okay, but Debbie's gonna be pissed if she finds out you were a three blocks away and didn't stop in and say hi."

"And if I stop in and say hi? How long do you think I have to stay before she lets me leave?"

"Just keep me company for lunch, and then I promise, I'll get you out of there, 45 minutes tops."

"Promise?"
"45 minutes."

Justin sighed, "Okay, but I'm really not hungry"

Brian looked at him, "I believe that, but it's up to you to convince Debbie."

They walked to the diner in silence, Justin was fighting the urge to run, back to his car, back to his studio, away from the noise of the diner, away from all the people who knew him too well, away from… just away.

"Sunshine! And Asshole."

"Nice to see you too Deb" Justin said as she hugged him tight.

"Holy shit Sunshine. You're skinny as a rail, Here, sit, I'll get you a bacon double cheese burger and fries."

"It's fine Deb, I'm really not hungry."

"I'll take a turkey sandwich Deb, thanks for asking."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll put the order in, for the BOTH of you."

They slid into a booth "Told you." Brian said.

Justin looked like he was about to cry but he blinked and suddenly his eyes cleared. Brian figured he was just overcritical of Justin's every expression lately.

Deb put the food in front of them and Brian was more relived than he was willing to admit to watch Justin take a huge bite out of the burger.

They chatted amiably about the decisions they'd made for the house.

"I'll call Emmet tomorrow and see when we can meet with him about planning the party"

"Brian?"
"Mmmmmm?"

"Can I do it?"
"Do what?"
"Just let Emmett and me plan the party, I kind of want to do it for you."

"On one condition"

"Mmmmmm?"

"You make it what you want too…and I'm still paying for it."

Justin smiled, "that's two conditions."
"as long as you don't wear yourself out, you already have a lot on your plate, with the show coming up and…" Brian trailed off, realizing that the only other thing on Justin's plate was his stress level.

Justin took another bite of the burger, and tried to taste it, it felt like sawdust in his mouth. He finally swallowed. "I'm fine." And I won't let it distract me from helping you get the house finished, or from my work, trust me, I can take care of myself."

"Always knew you could." Brian decided now was not the time to ask him why, if he COULD take care of himself, he didn't.

They finished eating, and walked back to Justin's car, arms around each other. Brian gave him a kiss before Justin climbed into the orange box. "I still can't believe you drive that thing."

"It's perfect."

"And ugly"

Justin was sitting in the drivers seat now, putting his keys in the ignition. "You love it"

"No, I don't" Brian said, "But there are things I do love", and with that, he leaned in and kissed Justin again. Then he backed away closing the drivers door, and watched the car head off down Liberty Avenue. He turned and walked back into the office.

Justin was halfway home when a song came on the radio, he didn't recognize it at first, but suddenly he was sweating and shaking. He pulled the car to the side of the road and got out as quickly as he could, and promptly vomited everything he'd managed to eat at the diner.

"Stupid song." he thought to himself, "Not even a real reason to get upset." Just something he and his mother used to like singing in the car when he was a kid.

Justin sped the rest of the way home, and locked himself in the studio with one of Brian's bottles of scotch and a large canvas. His work that afternoon had a Jackson Pollack feel to it.

Chapter 14

Brian drove home from the office wondering which Justin he'd find when he got there. He had three basic options.

Hermit Justin, a knock on the studio door, an "I'll be out when I'm done" reply and then the possibility of seeing him in the morning.

Stoned/Drunk Justin, a happy playful, horny Justin that barely let him get his jacket off before Brian found himself pushed down to the couch, floor, chair, bed, or whatever was handy.

Housewife Justin, which meant dinner, would be ready, and Justin would be oddly quiet but extraordinarily careful to cater to Brian's needs.

In the past couple of weeks Brian had tried to find a pattern and the best he could figure out was that Justin worked obsessively and did the hermit thing, then felt guilty, and became housewife Justin, actually felt like he'd accomplished something, which got him stoned/drunk Justin.

The kid had been locked in the studio for the last three days, almost without stop. He had stopped after the first twenty hours when Brian announced through the door that he was going to have it removed if Justin didn't eat something and get some sleep. He watched a grumpy Justin do as asked, and figured he's have to accept the four hours of sleep the artist allowed himself before returning to the studio.

After the next 24 hours Brian had knocked on the door, and a drunken and morose Justin emerged, literally couldn't keep his eyes open over the take out Chinese Brian had brought home, and then fell asleep on the sofa in the den, refusing to come upstairs. Brian had covered him up and gone to bed alone.

He tried to push his concern to the back of his head, but lately it wouldn't seem to stay there. He was on the phone with Emmet, planning; he'd leave the house only to meet Emmet at Deb's to finalize plans, and then come home and barricade himself in the studio again.

Justin was feeling great, he'd been doing much better about taking care of himself, he'd eaten when Brian forced him to, slept at least three, sometimes even four hours a night most nights, and he had learned to simply medicate his panic attacks with scotch and disco-pharmaceuticals. The pain management helped in two ways, it got his mind off of the pain in his hand, and the pressure he was starting to feel about the house warming, which was just over a week away now, and the show, which he felt was bearing down on him like a freight train.

The only thing that completely cleared his mind was Brian, sex with Brian, hot fucking and sucking with Brian, and he knew that while Brian would never complain it was pretty unfair to just use him as a release valve, which is why after a night of debauchery he always swore to himself he was going to be the Justin that Brian wanted. He actually kept track of time, did some grocery shopping, cooked, cleaned, whatever, on those days. Trying to make up for hid past days behavior.

The Justin that Brian wanted was a happy Justin, at least that's what Brian kept telling him when he promised to do better, apologized profusely for the slightest things, or beat himself up for mistakes.

Justin stood back and surveyed the fifth large canvas. The set was done. Finished. Completed. He was relieved. He wasn't sure he was ever going to finish the last one, and had almost scrapped the entire thing in frustration but he had finished it and, he realized as he glanced at the clock, in time to shower and have something for dinner together before Brian got home.

It was Thursday, ten days from the House warming, and he had 25 completed pieces for the show, and about a dozen sketches and a million more ideas. For the first time in a while he actually felt optimistic. He smiled and hummed to himself as he scrubbed the paint off of his skin.

Brian wouldn't be home for another hour, Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays he went to the gym after work. Justin went upstairs in his robe, throwing his paint covered clothes into the washer and changed into "real clothes" jeans and a t-shirt that had never seen the studio.

He started chopping vegetables for dinner. He was surprised to hear someone come in.

"You're home early."

"Got to the gym early today."

Brian leaned in to kiss Justin, and tasted no scotch on his breath, "hmmm, domestic Justin, okay, good to know." he thought to himself.

Justin stopped chopping and turned around, attaching himself to Brian's lips, suddenly feeling the need he'd been putting aside.

The thing about channeling all of his energy into his work was that there was just nothing left for anyone or anything else. But he was dedicated, now that the fifth canvas was complete; to getting the party plans perfect, and being everything Brian wanted.

Brian was surprised, drunk and horny Justin was the one who made the first move, domestic Justin waited for him. Granted, he made the first move almost as quickly and dinner was eaten cold or reheated as often as not on those days, but this was new, domestic horny Justin.

Brian's hands grabbed the boy's slight hips and pulled him closer. Justin moved his head down, nuzzling Brian's neck, mumbling into it. Brian could barely understand him as he breathed the words into his shoulder, but he caught the gist. He'd finished that fucking fifth canvas. Brian smiled

"We should celebrate."

"I thought we were."

"We should celebrate properly."

"I don't want to go out."

"Who said anything about going out?" Brian raised an eyebrow.

"If I recall, the guest rooms have been completed for almost," he looked at his watch" six hours now, and we have yet to christen them."

Justin smiled "Race ya"

They both bounded upstairs. It was true; Gregory had arranged for the delivery and been there to oversee the placement of everything in the two upstairs rooms reserved for overnight guests just this afternoon.

The rooms were sumptuous and elegant, better than most fine hotels, beautiful canopy beds and warm colors in rich fabrics.

Brian's longer legs got him to the room first, but Justin was right on his heels. With a hand to his chest, Brian pushed him back onto the bed. Justin looked up at him, his desire clear.

They were both still clothed, and their arousal was evident as Brian leaned over Justin and then dipped his head towards Justin's lips and kissed him thoroughly. They divested themselves of clothes piece by piece, tossing them this way and that, until they were both naked. Justin rolled them over, lying on top of Brian, pressing his body against the taller mans until no part of them wasn't touching. He moved, just a little creating a delicious friction. Brian rolled him over again and shook his head. "You've been working too hard. Just lay back and relax. The words were sweet but the tone was clear, this was not a request, it was a command.

Justin let his arms flop out to on either side of him, showing his capitulation.

Brian smiled and kissed him again, entwining their hands out to the sides, making the two of them look, for all the world, like the sexiest crucifix ever.

Brian started slowly but his needs overtook his patience and soon Justin was practically folded in half, moaning Brian's name as Brian pounded into him, hard and steady. He watched Justin's face, knowing that his own need was overpowering at the moment but not wanting to hurt him but it seemed the rougher he got, the rougher Justin wanted it. He pulled out of Justin fully and pushed himself back in, watching Justin's eyes open in surprise and darken with need. Just when he thought he'd figured the kid out, he would find something new. Justin started moaning, "Hurt me, fuck me, do it."

Brian threw his head back with abandon and gave the kid what he asked for, again and again. When he felt Justin was on the edge, thrust into him one last time, leaning in to kiss him as they both came together, breathing in each others oxygen, reveling in the feel of their bodies convulsing in unison with pleasure.

They were both laying across the bed, sweaty and smiling, and it was several minutes before either one of them spoke.

"You may be the hottest fuck I've ever brought home."

"May be?" Justin good-naturedly pushed at his shoulder.

"Are. I'd have to say you are the hottest trick I've ever taken home."

"Well, that's cause this old guy picked me up when I was just a kid, and taught me everything I know."

"Sounds like a dirty old man."

"Oh he was. And a total bastard too, never thought of anyone but himself."

"Well, you should have just walked the fuck away, a guy as hot as you could have anybody he wants."

"Yeah, but I wanted him."

"So what'd you do?"
"I fucked it up."

Brian looked at him "No, you didn't." They'd never really talked about the fiddler again, not after their reunion in his office.

"Oh I totally did, but then he was smart enough to take me back, after I was such an asshole he should have never spoken to me again."

"Guess he couldn't get enough of you."

"Yeah, something like that, he always liked to fuck me."

"Sounds like he cared about more than fucking."

Justin shrugged, "I loved him, didn't matter to me if he loved me back by then."

"He probably did though."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, I think he's probably loved you for longer than he's willing to admit."

"Shit, then I should go find him." Justin pretended to get out of bed. Brian grabbed his arm and pulled him back "No you don't. I'm not done with you yet."

"Really?" Justin said tauntingly

"Really, so you're not getting out of this bed until I give you permission."

"You can't keep me here."

"Of course I can."

"What are you going to do if I leave?"

Brian seemed to consider this, "You won't."

"You seem pretty sure of yourself."

"Have you looked at me lately, I'm fucking amazing, you're not gonna get up and leave all this." he said glancing seductively down at his own naked and prone form.

"Arrogant bastard aren't you?"

Brian just smiled.

Justin made another move to sit up, and Brian pulled him back, sitting up and swiftly pulling the blonde across his lap.

"I told you I was going to do something if you tried to leave."

Justin was half laughing, but his breathing was deeper now "You gonna spank me?"

"You've deserved this for years." Brian said, watching Justin's perfect pale bubble butt squirm on his lap. He felt the younger man's arousal and it matched his own.

He shifted his position a bit, moving his leg over Justin's thighs, trapping him there.

"Brian." But it wasn't a no, it was breathy, and a little hesitant.

Brian hadn't planned, this, but he was now fully intrigued, he raised his hand and lowered it with a loud smack, leaving a red handprint on Justin's pale skin. Justin squirmed, but did not try to get away. He brought his hand down again and felt Justin move against him, and then he was slapping his ass in the same rhythm he had used earlier to fuck him, and Justin's response was astounding, he lifted his ass up, meeting Brian's hand with each blow, begging again "Oh god, hurt me." Justin begged.

Brian stopped after a few minutes, not wanting to actually damage that perfect ass, but he gave Justin a gruff command and Justin followed his orders to the letter.

He kneeled on the floor in front of the blonde, now on all fours, slipped on a condom and fucked him, hard and fast, brutal and passionate. Justin pushed back against him, meeting him stroke for stroke. Brian kneaded and stroked Brian's now bright red ass as he slammed into him again and again. Justin pushed his head into the thick carpet as he reached his hand down to touch himself, but Brian slapped his hand away.

Justin was moaning and begging. Brian pushed him into the floor, letting him feel the friction of the carpet against his straining cock. Finally Brian reached his hand down and grabbed him at the base of his cock, it took only a few jerks before Justin shot and as he did so, squeezed against the feel of Brian inside him, inciting Brian's orgasm.

When their breathing returned to normal and they were sitting up leaning against the bed Brian shook his head and laughed, "We have to have the carpet cleaned now."

"Told you we should have had hardwood put down in here."

"Yeah, cause it's so good for the knees."

Justin just laughed.

Brian looked at him seriously, "Did I hurt you?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry.

"Sorry's bullshit, I asked you to."

"Doesn't mean I should have."

Justin shrugged, "Hurt in a good way, I swear."

He leaned over to kiss Brian, turning his entire body until he was straddling the naked man, kissing him and moving Brian's hands down to his ass. "It feels good."

Brian kissed him back, and before the evening was out, much of Gregory's hard work was in need of a dry cleaning.

Justin met Emmett at Deb's the next day for another planning session for the upcoming event.

"You know, I could figure all of this out a lot better if you'd let me see the venue. I won't stay long, just a little peek."

"Sorry, no can do. Brian says it's off limits until next Saturday night."

"But Mel and Lindz are gonna get to see it before that, they're coming in on Thursday."

"Yeah, but that's the ONLY exception"

Okay, but Justin, with the special lighting and plans that you have, I'm going to NEED to be in there first thing Saturday morning."

Justin frowned, I could probably hook up the lights, and…"

"Sweetie, you can't do everything all by yourself, it's going to take at least five guys to get the place together, plus the caterers, and the florist, and…"

"Emmett, it's going to get done right? It has to be perfect."

"It will be, have I ever done any event that was anything less that spectacular?"
"No, but this is different"

"Because it's your event?"
Justin smiled "yes, and because it's for Brian"

Deb was trying not to interrupt, the last time she'd offered advice or opinion on anything concerning the party she'd been kicked out of her own house by Emmet, but this time she couldn't hold her tongue

"Sunshine, you should get to enjoy this too, don't make yourself sick."

"Deb, I just want it to be…'

"Perfect, we've all heard you, a thousand times. You want everything perfect, for Brian, well, what about for you, what would be perfect for you?"
"Everything is already perfect for me"

Deb looked skeptical "that why you look like shit?"

"Deb" Emmet admonished, "he's an artiste, he has a right to look…rumpled"

"Hey!"

"Well, honey, you are looking just a wee bit peaked these days, and while I'm all about looking young and beautiful, you're looking a little, well… "

"A little what?" Justin asked, swallowing the feeling that somehow they both knew.

"Skinny as a fucking beanpole" Deb responded

"Seriously sunshine, isn't that asshole feeding you?"

"Deb, why are you always so hard on him? It's not Brian's job to feed me."

"The hell it isn't. You say he loves you, and I believe that, hell I've known that longer than he has, but love means taking care of one another. You took care of him so many times, and now you're wasting away to practically nothing and he can't be bothered to order you a goddamned pizza?"

"Deb, you're being ridiculous" Justin's heart was beating fast in his chest. He had convinced himself that he was doing better. He was sure that he seemed fine, he worked so hard to seem fine, and now Deb is telling him that he's been kidding himself, they all knew. He threw her a big sunshine 1000-watt smile, and hoped that would throw her off the trail for a while.

"So" he turned his attention back to Emmet, "You need to be there with the crew Saturday morning?"

"I'll come help."

"Thanks Deb but no, even Emmet can't come, it'll just be the crew."

Emmet rolled his eyes "if you want it done right, you want it done by moi."

"Be that as it may, you're going to have to wait."

Justin packed his notebook, sketches, and other planning materials into his bag and handed Emmet a check, this should cover most of it, let me know if you need more.

Justin wandered around the house idly straightening a pillow or a floral arrangement. Brian was on his way back from the airport with Lindsay Mel, Gus and JR. He was excited to have their first houseguests, and nervous as well. After all the time and energy they'd put into each decision he felt as if it were an unveiling of artwork. He knew it was silly to feel this way, especially considering that Mel and Lindz wouldn't care what their place looked like, but he was still proud of it.

Brian drove Justin's car, wondering if the kid was a midget, he felt too tall in it, no matter how he adjusted the seat. It was the obvious choice, as his car didn't even have a back seat, let alone seatbelts and room for luggage and the myriad of accoutrements that came with a week long stay with an 18 month old. There was an odd tension coming of Lindsay and Mel, but he figured he'd have a chance to talk to Lindsay about it later.

"We're almost there," he told them as he glanced in the rearview mirror and saw that Gus was asleep. "What'd you do, dope him up?"
Lindsay smiled but her smile was strained. "I think the excitement of the airport and the flight just wore him out"

"Well, his room is ready for him, and same for JR, so he'll be able to sleep in peace."

They pulled into the long driveway, and Brian stopped the car in front of the house. Melanie let out a long whistle "pretty swanky."

"It's Justin's country manor."

He opened the back to pick up Gus, and Melanie unhooked JR from the baby seat, and carried her into the house. Lindsay grabbed a couple of bags, and followed.

They walked into the foyer and Lindsay was amazed, "Brian, this place is beautiful" Justin bounded down the few steps from the great room into the two story foyer, "isn't it great, I'm so glad you guys get to be the first to see it. Lets put the kids down and then you can have the grand tour."

Brian tried to repress a smile but was unable; he flattened his face into an almost disinterested look. "I'll be in the den when you ladies are done."

Justin stuck his tongue out and took Gus from Brian, he was still sound asleep. They went to Gus's room first. Lindsay was genuinely touched by the amount of time and effort that they had put into the boys room. And as Justin took off Gus's shoes and tucked him into his racecar bed she wondered for a brief minute if Toronto had been a hasty decision, but put the thought out of her head as she looked over at Mel, and placed a light kiss on her cheek.

Mel leaned her head away from Lindsay when she tried to kiss her. She knew what Lindsay was doing, she was trying to make it seem as if she weren't so impressed with what Brian had done for their kids, but it wasn't working. "Fucking Brian and his fucking money, and his fucking ability to wiggle his way into Lindsay's heart." It was just more than she felt like dealing with. She ignored the moist look in Lindsay's eyes as she followed Justin into a room of pinks and silvers and lavender and tulle. Melanie bit back her anger. JR wasn't even Brian's kid, where the fuck did he get off building her a princess suite. She put the baby into the crib, and leaned in to give her a light kiss, and Justin proudly showed them around the rest of the house.

He led them first to the guest room they would be using, all done in rich burgundy with antiqued gold trim and a huge four-poster bed in the center of it all. They put their bags down.

"You guys can take a nap if you'd like, I can give you the grand tour when you're less tired"

Lindsay laughed, "uh uh, you're not getting out of it that easily, I want to see everything."

Justin's beamed, and bounced them down the hall, showing them the guest bathrooms, and then leading them to the master suite.

Justin admitted to having doubts about a metallic pewter wall tone, but the way it had been textured and done was so tasteful and actually made the room seem warm rather than cold. The entire room seemed to give off a soft glow, due in no small part to an incredibly expensive and intricate lighting scheme that made it seem as if all the light from the room actually radiated from the bed.

"Jesus Christ" Mel said, "You two don't go in for subtle" Justin just laughed, and then shrugged.

"This was the only room Brian got complete free reign in, so, yeah, he might have gone a bit overboard, but…"

Lindsay kissed him on the cheek "don't apologize for anything, it's beautiful."

Justin couldn't stop smiling; he'd been working so long on all of this that actually showing it off felt like a dream.

They walked down the stairs to the great room, which was laid out with several cozy conversation areas but still maintained a spacious and grand feel. He then led them through the dining room, with the burled walnut and black oak table that sat 22 comfortably. The chairs were upholstered in the same sage velvet that accented the great room. "We never eat in here," Justin said.

They walked through the wine storage and wet bar area that led to the kitchen, which finally had all of the appliances installed. The room was done in a deep mahogany finish and looked like a simple country kitchen with an antique looking stove and period recreated fixtures, but the subzero refrigerator, and the second deep freezer and state of the art dish washer were simply hiding behind mahogany panels, and the kitchen was actually top of the line.

"Would either of you like something to drink?"
"Got a beer?" Mel asked

Justin got three out of the fridge, when Lindsay declined; he simply carried it with him, leading them down the kitchen steps.

"There are still a few rooms we need to finish, the carriage house out back hasn't been touched, and we haven't done anything with the basement or the parlor, but the den is done." He led them into the den and sat down next to Brian, handing him the other beer.

Brian took it and watched as Mel and Lindz sat on opposite sides of the room, Lindsay sitting on the other end of the couch from he and Justin and Melanie choosing a chair at the table.

"So what do you think?"

"Brian I think it's amazing, I don't know how you got it all done so fast"

"You'd be surprised what a lot of money can do"

Mel snorted and took another sip from her beer, "No I don't really think I would."

Justin waited but Brian seemed to bite back whatever he was going to say next.

"So Justin, I hear Brian created quite the space for your studio, I'd love to see it"

Brian looked over at Justin and saw him struggle.

"Lindz, all the work for the show is in there, hell, he won't even let me in anymore." This was not an exaggeration.

"I understand, and artists space is private." Lindsay said.

Brian lit a cigarette. After a long discussion with Justin they had finally come to the agreement that the den and occasionally the bedroom were the only places smoking would be allowed in the house. The den had large sliding glass doors that led to a huge brick patio overlooking the pool and tennis courts, and the ample ventilation was one of the reasons Justin had given in, the other was because he wasn't stupid, Brian was not going to go stand outside every time he wanted a cigarette and since he knew Justin smoked in the studio, that would lead to him having to share that space and that was something he just wasn't willing to do.

Mel walked over to the coffee table, picked a cigarette out of Brian's pack, lit it with his lighter and picking up an ashtray walked back to the table.

"Oh and look", Justin said, hitting a button on the wall, "We had an intercom installed so we can hear JR and Gus."

Melanie let out a long exhale of her cigarette.

The evening wore on like that, Lindsay, Justin and Brian trying to keep the conversation light, and Melanie getting progressively quieter. Finally, at around 11 Melanie announced that she was heading up to bed.

"I'll come up with you."

"No, stay and catch up with Justin and Brian, I'm just tired" with that Mel pecked Lindsay on the cheek and headed up the stairs.

"She on a permanent PMS cycle or something?" Brian asked

"She got turned down for a job recently, apparently there's a few more issues regarding her practicing law than she anticipated, she's really disappointed."

Lindsay's eyes seemed to look around the room to check for the mom police before she took the cigarette out of Brian's hand and took a long drag.

Brian leaned forward and lit himself another one, gesturing for her to keep it.

Justin leaned in and kissed Brian. "I'm gonna do a little touch up work in the studio. I'll see you later."

"Three." Brian said

"Four at the latest." Justin replied
"Three." Brian repeated, you didn't sleep at all last night

"Yes dad."

Brian smacked his ass lightly, which only made Justin lean in and kiss his neck, and then pull away, "See you at three."

Brian took out his stash and rolled a joint, sitting down next to Lindsay, he took a deep pull and handed it to her. Again she did the surreptitious glance before taking a drag herself. Brian poured himself a scotch, and offered her one. She made a gesture with her fingers indicating maybe a small one, and Brian poured her two fingers and sat back down next to her, putting the glasses and the bottle on the table.

It wasn't long before they were both thoroughly buzzed and laughing hysterically over something.

"It was not Maria Cooper, it was Mary Cassidy who fucked me to get to you." Lindsay said. "Maria Cooper was the one who kissed me and then thought she was going to burn in hell for eternity and eventually became a nun."

"Mary Cassidy did not have a thing for me, she was in love with you she told me so freshman year."

"She said that so you wouldn't know she wanted YOU."

"Like she had a chance in hell."

"Well you have been known to sleep with women."

"One, and I was very very drunk, and you were very very persistent."

Lindsay laughed again, "Christ it's hot in here" she said shrugging off her cardigan.

"Oh Christ you're not gonna hit on me again are you, because I may be drunk but I have a hot blonde…"

Brian stopped mid sentence. "What the fuck happened to you?"
Lindsay followed his gaze and too late realized what she had done. She pulled her cardigan back on.

"Let me see that."

"Brian."

"Interesting pattern you got there" did you fall down the steps, or did Gus do that to you?

"It's not what you think."

"Okay, so Melanie didn't get pissed off, grab your arms so hard she left marks and somehow managed to leave a lovely scratch across your collarbone." good, cause I'd hate to have to go kill her in her sleep, what with all the new carpeting we just put down.

Mel didn't do this Brian, "I was working at the gallery, and I almost dropped a painting, Joe grabbed me to steady me."

"Good, I'm glad I was wrong."

"Why would you think Mel would hurt me?"

"I'm drunk Lindsay, don't pay attention to me."

"I think it's time I go to bed."

Brian looked at his watch

"Fuck, it's three thirty, I've got to go pry Justin out of the studio before he pulls another all nighter."

Lindsay leaned over and kissed Brian "I'll see you in the morning."

He nodded "First thing after noon at the latest." they smiled at each other and as he held her hand he noticed a healing bruise on her wrist. Brian said nothing.

Chapter 15

Brian woke up to the sound of Gus crying. Justin didn't seem to hear it, and Brian couldn't figure out why it sounded like the child was in the walls until he remembered the intercom system.

He pulled on a pair of jeans and hurried to Gus's room.

He realized as he was walking that if they had thought it through more carefully they would have put the option of having the intercom also run into one of the guest rooms, but the setup was designed for when Gus and JR were visiting, not for when their mom's came with them.

Brian rubbed his face and pushed his hand through his hair and found Gus sitting on the bed, hugging his teddy bear, eyes wide, tears streaming down.

He stopped crying almost immediately when Brian entered.

"Daddy!"

Gus ran to him grabbing his leg and refusing to release his grasp.

Brian walked over to the bed, dragging Gus via his seemingly permanent attachment to his leg.

"Did you have a bad dream?"

Gus was still sniffling a little, his breathing ragged from crying, and as he opened his mouth to talk he hiccupped. Then he giggled and Brian let out a deep breath.

"I woke up."

"I noticed."

"No one was here. Where are we daddy"?

It suddenly dawned on Brian that they had put the child to bed, and forgotten that he'd never seen his room, and racecar bed or not, it's no fun to wake up alone and not know where you are.

"We're in you're new room Gus, at my house. This is where Justin and I live."

Gus smiled, "This is my room?"
"Yup."

"These are MY toys." Gus said possessively, waving his hand around at the array items neatly placed on shelves and in bins on the opposite side of the room.

"Yeah" Brian smiled.

"Where are mommy and momma?"
They're in their room.

"Did they get new toys?"
Brian laughed a little too hard at this.

"No, they had to bring their own from home."

"Want mommy" Gus said, sitting on Brian's lap.

"Well, lets go find her"

Brian put the boy down and took his hand; He wanted Gus to walk to the guest room so he'd be able to find it on his own.

They walked down the long hallway and Gus looked up at a few of the pictures on the wall, "did Justin make these?"

"Some of them."

"He colors inside the lines real good."

"Yes he does."

Brian heard muffled voices coming from the guest room, they didn't sound happy.

"Momma's being loud again." Gus said, "She's loud in the morning sometimes, that's why me and Sam go and play outside."

"Sam and I" Brian corrected automatically.

"You go and play with Sam too?"
Brian just shook his head and knocked lightly on the door.

Lindsay's voice, a little too chipper invited them in.

"MOMMY!" Gus yelled as soon as the door opened, launching himself onto the bed, no small feat as it was a raised frame and an upholstered two step riser had been created just for such purposes, but Gus managed to go from the floor to his mom's lap in a single running jump, cuddling into his Lindsay like a puzzle piece.

"I woke up and I didn't know where and then daddy told me that it was my room and everything in it is so cool and Sam's in there now making sure no one touches all my new stuff and then I wanted to see you and daddy said you were in your room but I didn't know where that was so he took me here and now I'm hungry can we have breakfast soon?"

Lindsay laughed, "We'll have breakfast in just a minute why don't we get dressed first and then we'll wake up your sister."

Justin walked in, groggy eyed, wearing only sweatpants, and holding a crying JR in his arms. "She's already awake."

He looked over at Brian "We really should have had the intercom connected to the guest rooms."

Brian smiled "I was thinking that very same thing."

Justin leaned in and kissed Brian good morning.

Mel, who had, up until this point, only been glaring, covered the space between JR and herself in three strides and plucked the girl out of Justin's arms. "We'll meet you downstairs."

Lindsay was wearing a simple sleeveless nightgown, and as she turned to pull on her robe Brian saw another bruise where her neck met her back. His stomach knotted and his jaw clenched. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before walking back with Justin to his own room.

They showered in silence; Justin was unable to interest Brian in anything more than a simple exercise in hygiene.

"What's wrong?"
Brian remained silent

"I offer to blow you in the shower and you turn me down, so either you've gone straight on me, or something's wrong."

"It's nothing."

Justin rolled his eyes

"Has refusing to talk to me ever worked?"

"Probably, once, I'd have to check all my case notes on you, which are at the office."

"You keep case notes on me huh?"
"Sure, there's a stenographer in the closet, and a video system in the lights over the bed."

"Mmmmmm hmmm. I'm gonna let it go, because when you're ready, you'll talk to me, but don't think I don't know that you're upset. Is it something I did? Are you mad that I interrupted you guys this morning?"
Brian looked at him oddly "It's not you, it's not anything, I told you, nothing's wrong, now, are you going to make my son eat something I cook, or are you gonna get your cute little ass downstairs and make breakfast?"
Justin seemed to consider his options. "Well, I guess we are better off without Gus having food poisoning, so let's go with the second option." And with that Justin stepped out of the shower and was in the kitchen ten minutes later, wearing studio ready clothes, and taking breakfast orders like the diner pro that he once was.

Justin had work to do around the house to prepare for the party. He'd convinced Brian to go with Mel and Lindz for the day. They planned on taking the kids to the zoo; Michael, Ben and Hunter were going to meet them there.

Brian spent the day watching Mel and Lindz carefully, he tried to put his suspicions aside, but it wasn't easy. Mel didn't take her eyes of Michael or JR and all but ignored Gus and Lindsay throughout the day. He'd like to be home, helping Justin but the sneaky blonde refused any assistance, determined to make this a party for Brian.

Justin spent the day on the phone with Emmet, driving him insane with final decisions, perpetual questions and general anxiety.

Michael had specific instructions to keep Brian out of the house for as long as possible today, and if at all possible get him too drunk to return home for the night.

It didn't work. At 8 all of them walked into the house Gus was asleep drooling on Brian's shoulder." Justin pushed Michael, out the door quickly, "NO, not 'til tomorrow."

The others walked into the house.

Justin and Michael stood in the driveway. Justin tried not to look aggravated but he was.

"What?" Michael asked, "He wouldn't even go to Woody's with me, he just wanted to get back here, something about helping out Mel and Lindz with the kids."

I thought you were taking JR back to your house. "Yeah well Mel thinks she's coming down with a fever, or a cough or… who the fuck knows, but she's keeping her here tonight."

"I've got a hundred people coming for a party tomorrow, and I have a million things to do and I need these people out of the house."

"It's fine, tomorrow they're meeting us at our place for brunch, and then… I don't know, I'll do something to keep them busy."

"I'm counting on you."

"I don't see what the big deal is, it's not a surprise. Brian knows there's going to be a party, hell he's paying for the whole thing."

"I want to do this for him, just keep him out of the house for one more day."

"Sure, whatever."

After Michael drove off Justin heard voices coming from the kitchen, the debate was pizza or Chinese. Brian grumbled occasionally about there being no decent Thai in the area, but he brought it home with him from the city often enough that Justin knew at this point the grumbling was nothing more than habit.

The decision was made, Chinese was ordered.

"I've got some work to do, I'll be…"

"In the studio?" Justin smiled and leaned down to kiss Brian. When he stood up Brian looked at his watch. Dinner should be here in half an hour.

"Not hungry."

"Two."

"Four."

These little battles were now almost love notes, almost; Brian did his best to keep it light but was pretty adamant about enforcing whatever compromise they came to.

"Two thirty"

"Four thirty"

Brian laughed, "You're going the wrong way."

"Two forty five."

"Three fifteen."

"Three ten."

"Sold."

"See you then." with a last kiss Justin disappeared.

"He's spending a lot of time on getting the show together," Lindsay observed

"Yeah, well, he's a perfectionist about his work."

"How's the new stuff coming?"
Brian shrugged, "He doesn't want to show it until it's done."

"Not even to you?"
"I think it may be an especially not to me kind of thing, but I'll just be glad when this party is over. I can't wait for people to stop nagging me about when they can see the house"

"Why haven't you let anyone see it 'til now?"

"It's not me, it's Justin, he won't let anyone see it until it's perfect"

They both looked at him oddly. "You do know that he's blaming this whole thing on you right?"

Brian concentrated on keeping his face blank.

"He's told everyone that you won't allow him to have anyone over until after the housewarming party."

"Yeah well, it's easier to believe I'm the one being the asshole than that he is, he went with the most logical excuse."

Brian let this information spin in his head. Justin had been so adamant about no one seeing the house until it was perfect that he had let it go, just throwing money at the contractors and decorators so it would hurry up and be perfect, but using him as an excuse, as if his mother, or Daphne, or even Debbie and Michael cared if the house was under a bit of construction. One more piece of damn puzzle. He wondered if it was time to talk to a shrink again, but he put the idea out of his head. Once the party was over, he could focus on Justin with a little more clarity, see if getting past this hurdle pulled him back to reality. He was hoping it would.

Brian glanced down at the table and saw Melanie holding Lindsay's hand, spontaneous shows of affection were a good sign, and maybe he was jumping to a lot of wrong conclusions lately. The doorbell rang and he got up to get the food.

"Why don't we eat in the den? Lindz, you want to grab the beer out of the fridge?"

They both nodded and Brian met them back there with the food.

They dug in and he and Lindz were trying to remember what the name of the terrible restaurant that they had always ordered from when they first got out of school, and were so broke they could barely afford ramen noodles. At ten Mel announced that she was tired and Lindsay followed her up to bed.

Brian rolled himself a joint and slowly got stoned, mixing the buzz with a couple of glasses of ice-cold gray goose as he got on the computer and did a bit of research.

Justin could not seem to get them out of the house fast enough the next morning. He gave them each a pop tart, and practically pushed them out the door.

Brian looked at the pop tart in his hand like it was an alien being. "What the fuck am I supposed to do with this"?

"Eat it."

Brian looked at it questioningly "Sodium, and carbs in a handy package of artificial flavorings and, what is that on top, rainbow sprinkles?" he handed it back to Justin, "I'll pass" Justin shrugged and pushed him out the door.

"I have a lot of work to do today, I'll see you at seven, no earlier."

It was nine am, Brian shrugged, "I'm going into he office after I drop them off at Mikey's, call me if you need me"

"I won't." Justin said

Brian leaned in and kissed him, pulling the boy into an embrace. Justin struggled, he had too much to do to…. Then he melted into Brian, "Mmmmmm, maybe I will call you."

"Don't work to hard, you're supposed to enjoy this party too."

He kissed Justin softly, nibbling on his lower lip, and pulling their bodies closer. "I expect you to have plenty of energy left at the end of the night."

Justin smiled, "I promise I won't wear myself out, I'll leave that for you to do."

"That's all I'm asking." Brian smiled; he lightly ran his tongue across Justin's lips and then climbed into his car "And if you take my car, don't leave any fucking trash in it."

Justin put up his fingers to indicate scouts honor and Brian smiled as he drove away.

As he was pulling out of the driveway Brian saw several vans pull up and realized that Justin really was going to have his work cut out for him. He picked up his phone and called Emmet.

"You're coming today to help Justin right?"

"He said you wouldn't let me."

"I'm giving you permission. I've got half a dozen vans driving up to my house, this is your area of expertise, give the kid some help."

"I'll be over in a flash sweetie."

Brian was at the office when his Justin called him on his cell. "Make Emmet go away."

"No, I told him to be there."

"No one's supposed to see it until it's perfect."

"It is perfect."

"But it's not done till the florist and the…"

"Give the phone to Emmet."

"Yes Brian?"

"Be persistent."

"Yes Brian."

"Brian." Justin whined

"Don't whine, Emmet promises not to look at anything until the party, just let him in the fucking house."

Justin hung up the phone without saying goodbye and Brian hoped that he was doing the right thing.

Brian returned to the house a little before seven. Justin saw him enter and ushered him upstairs quickly. He tried to glance around but it was difficult with Justin doing his best to keep him from seeing anything. He did notice that the place looked nice. He left it at that.

Justin and Emmet were almost done. The kitchen was bustling, floral arrangements, simple vases of calla lilies and orchids were placed prominently, and the dining room table was laid with candles and crudités. The bar was set up in the corner of the dining room, and another on the deck outside the kitchen.

Cases of wine had been delivered, and the bars were stocked with the high-end stuff that Brian preferred. In all it was probably a good thing that Emmet had been there.

The electrical guy had finished the lighting project just an hour before, and handed Justin the remote, showing him how it worked. When they tried it out Justin would have been jumping up and down if he hadn't been so tired.

When Justin was convinced that everything was under control, he went upstairs to shower and get dressed.

Brian was laying on the bed, fully clothed and half asleep when Justin came in. He was about to hurry Brian into the shower when he sat down on the bed and realized how tired he was. He kicked off his shoes and rested his head on Brian's chest, laying an arm across him and closing his eyes.

"Just ten minutes." Justin said.

Brian pulled him a little closer.

A half hour later Justin opened his eyes and yelled a stream of curses without stopping for breath. Brian looked up startled.

"I said ten fucking minutes, TEN."

Brian looked at his watch "It's fine, we've got plenty of time, the invitation says 8, that means no one will be here 'til at least 8:30, that's gives us almost an hour.

Justin was already naked and getting into the shower "You really think Deb is going to wait 'til 8:30, or Michael?"

Brian joined him in the shower as he franticly soaped his hair, while still talking

"Or Daphne, or my mom? Christ Brian, we're gonna be late to our own party." He turned around and punched at Brian's arm "Why didn't you wake me?"

Brian was doing his best not to laugh. "I'm sorry, I really am."

Justin picked up his razor and was about to start shaving when Brian grabbed his wrist. "Why don't you just slow down a little with the really sharp blade in your hand okay? Can't see first impressions of the house going well if your face is all covered in blood." He took the razor out of Justin's hand and with long slow strokes shaved across Justin's jaw line. Kissing each newly smoothed spot.

"Brian, we don't have time for this."

"We have plenty of time, now relax, I don't want to hurt you."

It's hard to argue with a man holding a razor to your neck; it's also hard to argue with Brian when his hot mouth soothes any potential razor burn. Justin leaned his head back and allowed Brian to finish the job.

"I'm glad Hunter volunteered to watch Gus and JR tonight, Mel and Lindz seem like they could use a break."

"Shhhh," Brian said as he finished the last stroke and kissed Justin right where his jaw met his neck. But it was nice to know he wasn't the only one who thought the couple seemed tense.

They dressed quickly and Brian said nothing about the fact that the suit that was tailored to fit Justin exactly just two months ago was hanging off of him and that his belt was on it's last hole. The kid had to start eating.

Brian wore black pants and his Armani tuxedo shirt, but decided to forgo a jacket, as it would seem too formal.

Justin was fidgeting but he looked amazing, even if the suit was no longer a perfect fit.

"Ready?"
It was 8:05 the heard the doorbell ring.

"Ready."

Brian interlaced his fingers with Justin's feeling the younger man's nerves coming off of him in waves. He stopped him at the top of the steps and kissed him, sucking on his tongue in a steady rhythm until he felt Justin relax a bit. "Okay, now we're ready."

They came down and opened the door.

Everyone was there, Deb was standing front and center, but Emmett and Carl flanked her on either side. Ted and Blake were directly behind them and Melanie and Lindz were standing next to Michael and Ben.

"Welcome all." Brian said, making a grand sweeping gesture he moved to the side to allow them access.

After the grand tour the doorbell rang again and this time Emmet answered it, and as people greeted Brian and Justin, the true flow of guests began.

For Justin everything after that was a blur. He circulated, making sure everything was going as planned. Accepting hugs from his mother and Daphne and a few others in a bit of a daze, making small talk with Brian's employees and business associates, and generally keeping an eye on Brian the entire time to make sure he was enjoying himself.

Brian was impressed, the party was going well, he hadn't expected anything less but was still relieved, as he knew how much this meant to Justin. People didn't seem too bored, and his friends were obviously impressed with the place, which he honestly did not care about. He was however pleased that Justin seemed to be getting rave reviews. At 11:00, Justin and Emmett seemed to take over for a moment, the catering staff was there to help, moving the furniture, and the DJ cut the music.

Justin pulled out the remote and hit a couple of buttons. The lights dimmed, and then went out, and suddenly, subtly placed floor lights, and the laser lights that had been installed this morning lit the place with a different kind of atmosphere. The DJ cranked up a dance tune and the entire house was suddenly doing a fairly accurate impersonation of Babylon. Brian threw back his head and laughed. The kid never ceased to surprise or amaze him.

And as the next song started Brian recognized it, and pulled Justin to him, and they danced, in the dark, together, as others followed. The table that had been so elegantly laid out with caviar puffs and baked Brie now also sported an ample supply of poppers and E.

The party livened up, and it was after three before the last guest staggered out into the night. Brian and Justin made it up to their room where there was one surprise left.

Brian walked into what could only be described as his old loft. Justin had sometime during the evening arranged for the light fixture, six neon bars to be hung over the bed. The dark blue sheets, the duvet, it all looked right.

"Were we feeling nostalgic?" Brian asked, kissing at Justin's chest, which had been bare for at least the last hour or so, he wasn't quite sure when the shirt had been removed, he just remembered having been angry it was there at the time.

Brian and Justin were both stoned, and horny, and suddenly Brian had an irrational surge of anger at Justin's pants. "You're pants are stupid."

"Why?"
"Because they're on you."

"I'll make them smarter."

"Do that."

Justin started to take his pants off, but Brian was too busy trying to touch him to let him do a very efficient job

When he was finished Justin laid back on the blue bed "Now you're the one with stupid pants."

"I'll make them really smart, I'll put them right here." He dropped them, arms out, at his sides, he took a step forward, looking like he did the first night they'd ever met.

"So are you…?"

Justin didn't even let him complete the line

"I'm staying."

Brian collapsed on top of him, his mouth everywhere at once.

And it was well after two the next day before they emerged from the bedroom, freshly showered, completely sated, a little bruised, and extraordinarily hungry.

Chapter 16

There were a couple of members of the cleaning crew finishing the task. The large silver confetti had all been swept up, the furniture was back where it belonged, and other than a few boxes of rental glasses the great room looked the way it was supposed to.

The dining room was also back in order, the kitchen however had a few extra items, specifically, a large table of guests.

Brian shot them all a crooked smile, not ready to deal with conversation before coffee. He walked over towards the coffee maker and was pleasantly surprised to find a full pot.

"It's fresh I just made it." Debbie said from her seat at the end of the table.

"Deb, it's so nice of you to just drop by." Brian said caustically.

"I came to see my granddaughter. She's been here for two days and this is the first chance I've gotten to see her." Brian winced at the sound of Deb's voice as he pulled down two mugs from the cabinet and filled each with coffee. He dumped sugar into his and handed Justin's to him, black the way he liked it. They silently toasted each other. Justin moved toward the table and took a seat next to Emmett.

Mel was sitting on Deb's right, not taking her eyes off of JR, and Michael was on her left, making faces at the baby.

Brian walked down the three steps that led to the den and sat on the sofa, watching Lindsay and Gus watch Dora the explorer.

"Great, you're already training my son to be a lesbian."

"Brian."

"Sorry Lindz, lack of coffee."

Ben chose that moment to come in from the back deck. "This property is amazing, I love the tennis courts."

Justin smiled, "I'm gonna have to learn to play I guess."

"I used to play in college." Ben said, "Be happy to give you a few pointers."

"Great than you and me and Justin and Mikey can play mixed doubles."

Everyone involved in the statement shot Brian a look.

Justin grabbed the aspirin from the cabinet walked over to him and kissed the top of his head. In a syrupy sweet voice, "Brian, honey, shut the fuck up until the caffeine takes effect, and here, open this goddamned bottle for me." Justin handed him the bottle in frustration.

Brian opened the aspirin and gave Justin a couple. Brian himself swallowed three with his next gulp of coffee and then just sat quietly, realizing that Justin probably had a point about keeping his mouth shut at the moment.

It was easy to do; everyone seemed to be talking at once. Dora was going on and on about some fucking plant, or maybe it was an animal. Emmett and Debbie were discussing the previous nights events, Michael was talking baby talk to JR, and Justin and Ben seemed to be in deep discussion about something or other. He let the sound wash over him, turning to lean his head against the back of the sofa, cradling his coffee as if it were the most precious item on earth.

Justin joined him on the couch a few minutes later, looking no better off than he was.

"Want to get out of here?"

Justin nodded.

"Let's go" Brian mouthed.

They quietly walked towards the garage door, and let themselves out before anyone noticed. Once they were in Brian's car, and out of the driveway they both laughed.

"I'm starving"

"Uggggh food."

Brian drove them to the same diner they'd originally found the very first day Justin was back.

Sitting and staring at each other, coffee cups in hand they both looked up and smiled.

"That was a hell of a party."

"I'm glad you liked it."

"I just wasn't ready for a coffee klatch to be going on this morning."

Justin lifted Brian's wrist to look at his watch, "It's three in the afternoon."

"That's really really early." Brian said.

"Well we'll just get something to eat and then head back. By then, hopefully either things will have calmed down, or we'll be less hung over"

Their food came; Brian ate his eggs and watched Justin tear apart a bagel into little tiny pieces.

Today was not the day to take this on, today was the day to recouperate and enjoy how much effort Justin had put into making last night amazing.

"Last night was hot."

"I do what I can."

"So, how many poppers do we have left?"
Justin laughed, "Actually it turns out that buying them in bulk has its privileges, quantity discounts are handy."

"Leave it to Emmett to know where to get volume discounts on the really important party supplies."

"Ready to head back?"

"Should we stop and pick up milk?"

Brian just stared at him "to make it look like we had a legitimate reason to leave, like a real errand to run?"
"No apologies, no regrets, it's our house and we felt like leaving."

He threw some money on the table and pulled Justin close to him as they walked back to the car, both feeling like they might be able to handle company now.

Brian and Justin walked back into the house quietly, but not quietly enough. Michael was the first to confront them "Where the fuck were you?"
Brian sighed "Out."

Michael followed the two as they headed back towards the den "Well it seems pretty rude to just leave when you have guests."

Brian pulled Michael to him, kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear "You're not a guest, you're family."

Michael relented, and the rest of the group simply shot them disapproving, if slightly amused looks and the conversation started back up, revolving around how big Gus and JR were getting, how Emmett liked still living with Debbie and Carl, and Michael and Ben's plan to take a vacation over Ben's Christmas break.

Brian and Justin might as well have been in their own world, they were both still tired, and Brian was working hard at looking bored while watching Mel and Lindz interact. He sat quietly on the sofa, Justin leaning against him.

Eventually everyone realized that the homeowners were asleep, tangled against each other. They disbursed, Mel and Lindz moving the kids outside. Debbie heading off for the dinner shift at the diner and Michael and Ben heading back to their own home. Emmet oversaw the last of the cleaning crew who were loading the van with the rental linens to return, and then headed over to Ted and Blake's new place. They had finally found a house, within walking distance of Debbie's in fact, and today they were supposed to be picking paint colors.

It was about an hour later that Brian came back to consciousness. He was on his back, Justin practically on top of him, still asleep.

He moved slightly, finding a more comfortable position so that Justin's knee wasn't pushing directly into his thigh.

He listened to the silence for a moment and then a harsh sound interrupted his return to sleep.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" it was Mel, she was yelling, Brian groaned and tried to ignore the noise.

He heard the soft murmur of Lindsay's voice, they were outside, apparently too far away for Brian to hear much of what they were saying, but it was clear that Mel was angry about something. The ebb and flow of the conversation continued in that manner, harsh bursts like gunfire from Melanie, a few discernable words, most of them curses, and then the soft, soothing Lindsay, obviously trying to appease her wife.

Brian closed his eyes and concentrated, trying to hear what they were saying, trying to ignore them, trying to decide if he needed to intervene.

The voices stopped. He heard the slam of a door in the kitchen and the stomp of feet up the stairs. He moved again, trying to dislodge Justin without waking him.

He eventually managed it, and casually walked out of the den onto the patio, lighting a cigarette. He glanced over and saw Lindsay sitting on the wooden bench on the deck, her body shuddering as if she were crying.

He walked up the few steps and sat next to her. Saying nothing he pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. Lindsay didn't say a word, and they stayed like that, in silence except for the occasional sob from Lindsay. Brian fought back the urge to yell, to tell her that the bitch wasn't worth crying about, that nothing Mel said mattered if it was going to make her this upset, but he really didn't know if he could keep from being unforgivably cruel if Lindsay decided to defend her. So he said nothing.

Justin woke up on the sofa, alone. His heart was racing as he looked around and found no one. He shakily lit a cigarette, and mixed himself a gin and tonic. He walked around the house, it was empty, and the cleaning crew Emmett had hired had obviously been first rate. All remnants of the party were gone. The place was perfect. Justin sat wearily at the kitchen table, nursing his drink, breaking the rules about where they were allowed to smoke. Justin was good at agreeing to rules and then breaking them. He eventually swallowed the last of his drink, and locked himself in the studio. He had promised Brian that today he would rest, but his mind kept circling back to the canvas he had left unfinished two days earlier, and he knew he would rest better if he could just see it, just contemplate the next stroke. It was hours later before he emerged from the studio, he hadn't even picked up a brush, he'd simply smoked and stared at the work he'd completed, letting the smell of paint and turpentine, the feel of the textured paint on canvass against his fingers, the look of a large stack of completed work calm him.

He opened the door to the studio to find dangerously calm Brian waiting for him in the den.

"We agreed no working today."

"I wasn't working Brian, I was just looking over a few things and…"

"Bullshit." Brian cut him off. "You're fucking exhausted and you've been running yourself ragged and you can't take a single fucking day to just…"

The sound of yelling interrupted Brian's diatribe.

Neither of them were quiet sure where it was coming from until they realized that the intercom in Gus's room had been left on.

"I can't fucking believe you're even bringing this up!" it was Mel's voice.

"I'm not bringing anything up, I was just saying it was nice to be back home."

"This isn't our home anymore, we have a home, this is Brian's home."

"I didn't mean this house, I meant Pittsburgh."
"Yeah, well we don't fucking live in Pittsburgh anymore, or can't you even fucking remember that much?"
Justin shot a glance at Brian, wondering if they should turn off the intercom, this argument seemed none of their business. He moved to hit the button when Brian made a gesture to stop him. Justin shrugged and they continued to listen.

"Mel, you're not being rational, I never said I wanted to move back here, or that I don't know where we live."

"You don't have to say anything, I could tell from the moment we got here that you think we made a mistake moving away."

"I never said that."

"I just fucking said that you didn't have to, Christ, you're getting more stupid every day we stay here."

"Melanie, would you just calm down, you're going to wake Gus."

"Well, I think we should wake Gus, and JR too, and get the fuck out of here. Every goddamn place I turn there's another thing Brian's done to lure you away from me."

"Melanie you're being ridiculous, Brian just made a space in his life for his son, what's wrong with that?"
"God, you can't even see it can you? He made a space for his son, and JR, who's not even his, why would he do that, huh? Maybe it's because his plan is to keep you and the kids here, he's always wanted you away from me."

"Mel, honey, Brian has done a lot to keep us together, you're not being fair to him."

That's when Brian heard it. A sound he knew well enough from his own youth. That's when Brian decided it was time to stop pretending nothing was wrong.

Justin watched Brian as he listed to the conversation, watched Brian get angrier, watch his expression get more bland, as his eyes darkened, and a small twitch in his jaw that gave away everything about what he was feeling. And then he saw Brian physically flinch at the sound, and suddenly Brian was moving quickly, Justin followed him.

Brian strode into Gus's room and before Melanie was aware of him, and before Lindsay could protest, he had the petite-framed brunette jacked up against the wall, his arm pushed against her shoulders, holding her there motionless.

He gritted his teeth. Justin, take Gus downstairs, and turn off the goddamned intercom." Justin silently followed Brian's orders.

Lindsay was crying, holding a hand to her face, but she reached to Brian.

"Don't, you're misunderstanding."

"Lindsay, shut the fuck up. Don't defend this cunt."

"Brian" Melanie was trying to pry his arm off of her, but he had her immobilized.

"Don't fucking talk to me."

Lindsay reached for Brian's free arm, trying to reason with him.

Brian backed away from Mel. She put her hand to the spot where Brian's arm had been.

"Pack your shit and get out."

"It's what we were planning on doing anyway asshole"

"Brian." Lindsay tried again.

"Don't even try to reason with him Lindz lets just go."

Melanie strode out of the room, and Lindsay turned to follow her. Brian saw the fresh red handprint on her cheek. He wrapped his hand around Lindsay's wrist and pulled her back, "You can follow her if you want, but Gus and JR stay here."

"Brian that's not fair."

"Fair's bullshit, this is your choice Lindsay, but those kids stay here, I'm pretty sure Mikey will back me on this one."

Lindsay stood, rooted to the ground, unable to make a choice. Melanie, realizing Lindsay was not behind her stepped back into the doorway of Gus's room. "I always knew when push came to shove, you'd end up choosing Brian over me."

Lindsay opened her mouth to say something but before she could get any words out Melanie launched at her, all the fury she'd been restraining for so long suddenly unleashed.

Lindsay was on the ground, Melanie on top of her. She only had the chance to land a single glancing blow before Brian physically pulled her back, lifting her completely off of Lindsay and positioning himself between the two women.

Lindsay stood up, scared, shaken, her voice wavering. "Melanie, I think it's best if you leave."

"JR and I will be out of here in 20 minutes."

Brian opened his mouth to protest but Lindsay beat him to it.

"The kids and I are going to stay with Brian for a little while, maybe you should just go back home, and we can talk on the phone."

"You can't keep my kid."

"No but they're still American citizens, you can't take them out of the country without the custodial parent's consent. You want to take this to the courts Mel?"
Melanie looked at Brian, surprised, he was right and she knew it, and he knew she knew it.

"I'm not fucking leaving without them."

"Well you're not staying here." Brian said.

"I'll call you a cab, you can go anywhere you want."

Justin came back upstairs in time to witness the standoff. Melanie refused to drop her gaze, and Brian didn't look like he was planning on moving a muscle. It was Mel who gave in first. "I'll be at my cousins."

"Justin, call Mel a cab."

Justin was startled, he didn't even know Brian was aware he had come back upstairs, but he responded quickly and went down to the den to find the number and make the call.

Gus was happily watching his tape again and talking to Sam. "Yeah, the monster was really mean but you did good pretending to be asleep." Justin was shaking when he made the phone call and was still feeling shaky a half hour later when Melanie loaded a suitcase into the cab and left.

Brian and Lindsay were upstairs, sitting on Gus's bed, neither of them had spoken a word since Mel had left the room and gone to pack. Brian knew he would eventually find out what he needed to know, but in the meantime, he gave Lindsay a small respite from the drama and when her breathing was even and her eyes closed, he eased her back onto Gus's bed, pulled the blanket over her and left her to sleep.

He walked into the den, saying nothing, poured himself a triple and downed it in two swallows.

Justin sat down next to him. "Everything okay?"

Brian didn't even move his head, just glanced over at Justin.

"You're right, stupid question. Can I help?"
Brian, still silent, shook his head, and then seemed to reconsider and held out his empty glass to Justin. Justin refilled it and sat back down, their legs touching, silently they both watched Dora explore something.

Hours later a very very drunk Brian, pretty much passed out on the sofa. Gus had fallen asleep in front of the TV. Justin picked up the boy, and carried him up to bed. Lindsay was still asleep in Gus's room. He changed Gus into a pair of pajamas and laid the groggy boy next to his mother. Gus snuggled his back against his mom's chest and Lindsay threw an arm over the boy instinctively pulling him a little closer. Justin saw the bruise on her arm, took a ragged breath and went back downstairs.

He watched Brian sleep; debating his options, and decided just to cover him up. A glance at the clock told him it was after midnight. Recalling the argument they had been having before all of this started, Justin discarded the idea of going back to the studio. He went upstairs, and climbed into bed where he tossed fitfully for the rest of the night.

Justin was the first in the house to wake up the next morning. This was probably because Justin was in the only room that JR's intercom was connected at the moment. He'd spent the previous day taking care of JR and keeping her occupied. He was now bleary eyed, it was only five am.

He changed her, and brought her downstairs, he had no idea what to feed her, so he poured her a sippy cup full of juice and looked in the fridge for anything that looked kid friendly. He ended up cutting up an apple and found a few slices of cheese. He had to assume Mel and Lindz had brought these, neither Brian nor Justin ate American cheese. It probably wasn't an ideal breakfast but Justin didn't think it would hurt her. He started the coffee and sat next to her high chair, watching her picking up pieces of apple, and offer them to him. He finally took one from her and chewed on it.

"He eats." it was Brian

"Shit, you scared me, how long have you been standing there?"

Brian shrugged and stepped out of the doorway, couple minutes. You're good with her." He walked up the steps from the den, "coffee smells good."

"It should be done."

"Want some?"
"Yes please."
"I take it she woke you up?" Brian motioned his head towards JR

"I was gonna get up anyway."

Brian shrugged, handing Justin a cup of coffee and sliding his leg behind Justin's back so that they were both sitting in the same chair. Justin leaned against Brian's chest. "I missed you last night"

"Yeah I guess I kind of…"

"Passed out?"

"That's one way of putting it."

"So what now?" Justin asked, taking a sip of his coffee and reveling in the warmth of both the strong brew and Brian's chest.

Brian lifted his head to take a sip of his own and shrugged. "No clue. I'd like her to stay here for a while."

They both sat in silence, sipping their coffee and watching JR.

"I'm not sharing my studio with her."

Brian laughed, "Never occurred to me that you would."

"Maybe we should get the carriage house done next, and fast. So she can have her own space."

"Maybe you should let her make her own decisions about what's next." A voice interrupted their conversation; it was Lindsay, holding Gus's hand.

She poured Gus a bowl of cereal, and poured herself a cup of coffee, adding milk and sugar.

She sat down across from the two of them. "I'm an adult, I'll figure this out, and I just need to talk to Mel."

Justin felt Brian's entire body stiffen at the sound of her name. He put a hand on Brian's knee, he didn't have to look up to know the mans eyes were dark with anger.

Justin tried to cut Brian off before he started. "Maybe you should wait a few days before you…"

"Maybe you just shouldn't talk to her." Brian interrupted.

"I'm not talking about this right now." Lindsay said. Brian, I appreciate your help but I can't put you in the middle. I'll take care of it.

Brian shrugged. "Okay." He wasn't going to subject Gus or JR to any more screaming or yelling right now.

The rest of the day was spent pretending. Pretending everything was fine, pretending no one was angry, pretending he was just going to let Lindsay go back to Mel.

Justin spent the entire day in the studio, pretending that he didn't care what had happened between Mel and Lindz, pretending he wasn't shaken by how used to it Gus was, pretending he was fine.

They all practiced pretending until Michael stormed in without knocking.

"What the fuck is going on?"

Brian was lounging on the floor watching Gus play with his trucks. He didn't even look up. "Hi mikey, nice to see you."

"Don't give me that bullshit, Melanie just left the store, she was ranting about legal action and getting a restraining order to keep you and me away from the kids. Brian what the fuck did you do now?"
Brian remained calm. "I guess I pissed Mel off. I do that sometimes." He'd eventually have to tell Michael what was going on, but not in front of Gus, not while Lindsay was still not admitting to it, not right now.

Brian backed Michael out of the room and into the foyer, so they could have this conversation outside of Gus's hearing.

"Fuck you Brian, she's my daughter, and you just don't give a fuck what the consequences are when you do shit like this. You know what, you're a…"

Lindsay had heard him come in; she'd been trying to lose herself in a book, curled up in a chair by the window in the great room. She interrupted Michael now.

"It wasn't Brian Michael, it was me."

Michael was too upset to even notice that Lindsay's eyes were red and puffy from crying.

"Well whatever you did, fix it." Brian took a deep breath and fought the impulse to punch Michael in the jaw, eight years and counting 'til his decade was up and he could deck the guy again.

Michael was frowning; his forehead wrinkled in confusion, Brian was trying to keep his voice down.

"Mel and Lindsay had a fight. Mel is angry because Lindsay chose to stay here."

Michael looked over at Lindsay "you guys always fight, just go make up with her, she's really upset."

Lindsay looked like she was going to cry again and Brian pinched the bridge of his nose trying his hardest to accept that his best friend was sometimes very very stupid. "It wasn't that kind of a fight."

"What do you mean not that kind of a…" Michael suddenly seemed to have been handed a clue, he noticed the darkening bruise on Lindsay's cheekbone, just below her eye. "Did she hit you?"
Brian inhaled deeply. "Gus is in the other room Mikey, you want to shut the fuck up?"
Lindsay backed away a little from the question. "She got angry, she's been having a really hard time lately and…"

"She's been beating Lindsay." Brian said.

"Brian, that's not true."

Brian looked at Lindsay, "you gonna blame this on Gus too?"

Lindsay looked at the floor, knowing that blaming her own son was wrong but she was sure, or at least had been that she could work things out with Melanie on her own. She knew if Brian got involved it would just get messier. But Mel had ruined her plans to keep Brian out of it. Melanie had dragged Brian, and now Michael into their personal business.

Michael took in all of what had just been said and sat down on the steps. "Lindsay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay Michael." Lindsay cut him off, I just need a little time to figure out what we're going to do."

"So JR and Gus are here with you now?"
"Yes."

"Well, I can take JR back to my place."

Lindsay kissed him "That's very sweet, but she's asleep right now, why don't you come by tomorrow and you and Ben can take her for a couple of days."

Michael nodded, and kissed Lindsay on the cheek. " Take care of yourself okay?"

Lindsay smiled and Michael left. Somewhat appeased. Lindsay walked unsteadily back to the chair she'd been sitting in for most of the day and stared out the window at nothing. Brian stood behind her.

"You shouldn't have told Michael that."

"It's the truth, he deserves to know the truth about the mother of his kid."
"It's not, Brian, it's not the whole truth."

"Melanie has been beating you. What part of that isn't the truth?"
"The part where you make it sound like she's just this evil asshole and I'm this poor victim."

"You let her turn you into one."

Lindsay inhaled sharply "Fuck you Brian you don't know anything about this."

Brian snorted. "Right, I don't know anything about parents who get really mad and hit people, cause I grew up in such a lovely world. Jack taught me a thing or two before he gave up on me. You know that Lindz."

"Brian it's nothing like that, she'd never hurt Gus or JR."

"So the monster that Gus and Sam run from, the loud one who they hide from, that's not Mel?"

"She would never hurt them."

"She hurts you."

"I can take it."

"You shouldn't have to. Never let anyone hit you Lindz. Why the fuck would you put up with it?"
"Because we've been through so much together, because this is just a phase, because I…"

"You what? you deserved it? Why, because you cheated on her? Because you agreed to move? Because you got a job before she did? Because you have friends who love you and whom you love? Which one of those makes you worthy of becoming a punching bag?"
"You know, I'm not at all sure I like the way you're characterizing this."
"You know I'm not at all sure I give a flying fuck how you feel about the words I use."

Brian was still standing behind her, he moved, to make eye contact. He reached his hand out slowly and ran his thumb over the bruise under her eye. She flinched as he touched it. "How long Lindz? How long has she been beating you?"

The tears were flowing freely down Lindsay's face, she almost couldn't talk. "Since before we left Pittsburgh."

Brian pulled her to him, letting her cry again. Angry with himself that he hadn't seen it sooner, that he'd let them leave, that he'd missed it.

He wasn't crying. It must be allergies.

Chapter 17

Brian had insisted that Lindsay to go to see a doctor. Lindsay came out of his office with a couple of prescriptions to fill. One was for pain, one was for Xanex.

Lindsay took a Xanex and a Vicodin as soon as Gus was tucked in for the night and less than an hour later she was out cold in the guest room. Her room.

It was early when Brian climbed into bed himself, it had been an exhausting couple of days and he actually had a meeting he couldn't miss tomorrow with the Rapkins people. He was surprised when Justin joined him in bed at a little after midnight. Justin had been in the studio and he hadn't expected to feel him creep in 'til after three, if at all.

Justin was quiet, rare for him when they were both in bed awake and not fucking. He was obviously deep in thought. Although Brian was lying on his back, Justin stayed completely on his side of the bed, making no move to curl up against Brian, or even make physical contact.

Brian reached for the blonde's hand. Their fingers intertwined and they both lay there in silence. Brian spoke first.

"Justin?"

"Mmmmmm?"
"You okay over there?"

"Just thinking?"
"Care to share?"

"Mel and Lindz."

"Pretty fucked up huh?"
"They've had their issues before but…"

"Yeah, I was kind of surprised too."

"But you knew."
"Suspected."

"They love each other."

"Loved."

"Lindsay still loves Mel."

Brian sighed, "She has to stop."

"Can you just make yourself stop loving someone?"
"It's not easy."

"Could you stop loving me?"
"Tried once, didn't take."
"But they've been together so long."

"So they should stay, even if one of them is getting hurt?"
"It could be us."

"We're not lesbians."

"That's not what I mean."

"It couldn't be us."
Justin turned to his side to look at Brian, and Brian turned so that their faces were close together. "Because I wouldn't let it."

"Well, no, I don't see you putting up with me hitting you."

"Not what I meant."

"Brian, you know I wouldn't leave you if you lost your temper."

Brian sat up, angry now. "Yes you would."
Justin sat up as well, draping himself over Brian's back, resting his head on Brian's shoulder. "I wouldn't give you up, not over a fight."

Brian's jaw clenched again. "You'd better, if I touch you, you're gone, understand?"
"Brian, couples argue."

"You don't fucking hit people you love."

"You hit Mikey."

"That's different, Mikey was being a twat."
"You tell me I'm a twat all the time."

"And yet I've never hit you."

Brian shrugged the boy off his shoulders and turned so he could look in his eyes. "You don't let people hurt you. That's an order. That means even me, hell, especially me."

"But when couples fight, it happens sometimes."

"Your parents fought Justin. Your father is an utter shit, did he ever hit your mother?"
"No, but he slapped me, when I came out to him."

"Yeah, and what did I tell you to do?"
"You told me to leave."

"Someone hits you, you leave."

Justin was playing with the duvet, suddenly staring at it as if it were fascinating.

Brian put a hand under his chin and lifted it, seeing tears in Justin's eyes. "It's okay, I'm not going to hit you." Brian grinned lasciviously, licking his lips, unless you deserve a spanking."

Justin smiled "I guess you have to be really strong to love someone."

"Gotta be stronger to leave them."

"Brian?"

"Mmmmmm?"
"Do you promise you'll spank me again?"

"As long as you promise you will leave anyone who's hurting you."

"I promise."

Brian leaned in and kissed Justin, mapping his mouth with his tongue, pulling him closer. Justin returned the kiss, and Brian's hands were strong but soft as they pushed Justin back down onto the mattress.

Eventually they fell asleep, Justin curled up against Brian, head on his shoulder and Brian rubbing his hand softly over the curve of Justin's ass. They both slept for hours, and it was Brian's alarm, not JR that woke them in the morning.

As Brian was leaving for work he pulled Justin into the garage. "Do me a favor."

"You want me to blow you right here?"
Brian smiled, "yes, but I don't have time. Don't bury yourself in the studio today, come out every once in a while to check on Lindsay."
"Sure."

Brian kissed him again. "Later."

"Later."

Lindsay was feeding JR, and had her diaper bag packed. Michael was expected at any moment to pick up the little girl. Gus was finished his cereal and bombarding Lindsay with questions about what they might do today.

"Lindz, I'm gonna go get some work done in the studio you gonna be okay?"
"Justin I'm fine, Brian is blowing all of this out of proportion."

Justin opened his mouth to say something, and the closed it again, he had no idea what to say.

"Just knock on the door if you need me."

Lindsay nodded.

Justin lost himself in his work. He was doing a small painting that was mostly texture. He worked with a concentration that calmed him.

After Michael came and took JR Lindsay felt lost. She felt empty, and each time she sat she started to reflect on the past couple of days, and that wasn't helping. She startled when her cell phone rang, and laughed at herself afterwards.

It was Melanie. Full of apologies, sweet words and promises. Full of new resolutions and old excuses. Full of love. Lindsay and Mel talked for a while and Lindsay felt much better after their conversation. Gus seemed happier too after talking to momma on the phone. At around two she knocked on the studio door.

Justin emerged, covered in paint, and rubbing his hand. Lindsay tried to peek inside but Justin took a step out and pulled the door shut behind him.

"Gus and I were going to have some lunch, want to join us?"
"I'd love to but I'm in the middle of something, and…"

Lindsay smiled "I understand. She kissed his cheek, "go back to work."

Justin backed himself into the studio, ensuring Lindsay couldn't glimpse the work inside, and got back to the painting.

Eventually he came to a reasonable stopping point and finished his bottle of water and just stood staring at the painting

Mel and Lindsay spent most of the day on the phone, talking, and it was as if the past few days hadn't happened.

Brian returned to find everything pretty much as he'd expected. Mel and Gus were playing on the floor. The studio door was shut but the faint sound of some crap Brian would never listen to was audible.

Gus looked up at him and smiled. "Hi daddy."
"Hi sonny-boy"

"We're playing castle, want to play?"
"In a couple of minutes, I've gotta go change okay"

"K."

Brian was back in ten, jeans and a white t-shirt, much safer option than a $2000.00 suit around his five-year-old son.

They played for a while in relative silence; Gus was describing all the rooms in the castle in detail.

"Did Justin give you a hand today?"
"He's been working."

Brian nodded, figuring as much. It was then that Lindsay's phone rang. She glanced at it, and put it back down without answering.

Brian raised an eyebrow

"Probably just Mel with another apology."

"Another, you've been talking to her today?"
"Momma's real sorry daddy, she doesn't mean to yell." Gus said

Brian stood up, taking the phone from Lindsay.

Lindsay followed him "Brian…"

"You're what, gonna make this okay, work things out, what Lindz?"

Lindsay fell silent.

Brian handed her back the phone. It was still ringing. "Answer it, your wife is calling."

Lindsay put the phone on the kitchen counter, "Brian."

He walked away, "I meant what I said Lindz, you can have her, but the kids stay here."

Lindsay took a deep shaky breath and went outside for some fresh air. Gus joined her and the two of them walked the grounds together, Gus with the enthusiasm of a five year old discovering everything for the first time, Lindsay smiling at Gus and doing her best not to cry.

Justin finally emerged around eight from the studio, he was out of water, and he padded down he basement steps for another case, and brought it back to the studio.

Brian stopped him just as he got to the studio door. "You eaten anything today?"
"Yeah, lunch with Lindsay and Gus." He was counting on Lindsay being too involved in her own issues to be reporting back to Brian.

Brian nodded, knowing he was lying. "Join me for dinner."

"Late lunch, not hungry."

Brian nodded and left it at that. But he no longer doubted his instincts. Something was wrong with Justin.

Justin closed and locked the studio door, his heart racing. He had no idea when he had become so scared of Brian. Actually that wasn't true, he felt safe around Brian, he was scared of Brian finding out how messed up he was. He and Brian had worked so hard, for so long at fucking things up, and now they finally had it right. If he screwed it up again, he wouldn't be able to make it, he knew that. And Brian deserved everything to be perfect. Justin wanted to be perfect for him.

Justin once again made a pact with himself that he would spend more energy making Brian happy, and if that meant cutting back on studio time, he would find a way to do it. Or at least cutting back on studio time that interfered with the time he could spend making Brian happy.

Gus was tucked into bed, and Lindsay was laying on her bed staring at the ceiling. Brian, doing an amazing impersonation of his son, launched himself onto the four-poster, landing on his back, next to Lindsay. He cocked his head to the left, and then to the right, and finally said, "Christ, I think I may have let Justin go a little overboard on the rococo elegance, this ceiling is kind of…"

"Dizzying?"
Brian smiled, "yeah."

"Well, I kind of like it, but then, I've always liked things a little less simple than you have."

"Sometimes simple is the easiest way to go." Brian pulled a joint out of his pocket, lit it, and took a drag, handing it to Lindsay who did the same.

"You can't always just choose for things to be simple."
"Sometimes you can, like this ceiling, I could have all of this stamped tin and crown molding pulled down in a day, leaving a smooth clean surface to start again."

"But there would be marks, from where everything was attached and connected."

"Spackle." He said it slowly, taking another long toke.

"Brian, you can't just spackle over something and make it look perfect again."

"Yeah, but you can't just beat the shit out of something and expect it to still be okay. If I were to start throwing hammers at it, we'd eventually have to get rid of it."

"Can we stop talking about the fucking ceiling?"
"We were talking about the ceiling?"
Lindz was just stoned enough to laugh a little at this. "How can I just walk away?"
He pushed her sleeve up her arm, revealing the fading bruises, "how can you not?"

"She's my wife."

"She beats you." Lindsay flinched at the words.

"What the fuck am I gonna do?"
"Stay here" Brian shrugged, "get a job, stay with me, get your own place, whatever you want, you know I'll help."

"I'm an adult, I don't need your help."

"Sure you do, everyone needs my help, and it's the bane of my existence." Brian threw his hand to his forehead in a "woe is me" gesture. The he looked at the joint that he and Lindz had almost finished "wow, this shit is good."

Lindsay laughed again. If I stay with you, do you promise you'll be nice?

"No."

"If I stay here, do you promise to be good?"

"No."

"If I stay here with you do you promise I won't get hurt anymore?" she was crying now.

"Yes."

He pulled Lindsay close to him, for a minute and then jumped up out of bed, grabbing her arm. "C'mon, lets you me and Justin, do something about dinner, I'm hungry."

Lindsay giggled as Brian pulled her downstairs and they started to raid the kitchen.

Lindsay was reheating some leftover hors devours from the party while Brian knocked incessantly on the studio door.

Justin finally emerged, paint smeared on his hand, and a dot of it by his left eye. "What?"
"Eat dinner with us."

"You're stoned."

Brian handed him a joint, "Join us."

Justin remembered his earlier promise to himself and put his brush in the sink, took the proffered joint and joined them around the kitchen table where Lindsay was setting out a vast array of puffed pastry. "I have no idea what any of them are." She shrugged. "But the round ones are really good."

Brian and Justin looked at the appetizers carefully, "Lindz, they're all kind of round."

Lindsay shrugged, and popped another one into her mouth.

Brian took one and offered it to Justin. Justin turned his head away. "C'mon, eat it, we're celebrating."
"What are we celebrating?"
"Our new roommate, Justin, meet Lindsay, Lindsay, meet Justin."

They shook hands formally, and then both started to giggle. Brian took the joint from Justin's and took another hit.

"This shit really is good." Lindsay said, as she took the joint from Brian and inhaled deeply.

"Justin, eat something." Lindsay said, you haven't eaten all day.

Brian looked at Justin, "thought you guys had a late lunch together."

"Oh he was too busy working to have lunch." Lindsay said.

Brian raised his eyebrows and said nothing. Justin stared at the table. "Well then, he must be starving, and Brian held a canapé of some sort in front of Justin's mouth, Justin opened his mouth and took the hors devours and Brian's fingers into his mouth.

"Shit, it actually did taste good," he thought to himself. And then picked up another one, watching Brian smile, he'd eat if it would make Brian happy.

It was a little later; they were all sitting around the table, happily watching the ceiling spin, drinking ice-cold vodka.

"I'll call the contractor tomorrow and get the carriage house started, that way you and Gus and JR can have your own space."

"Yeah, I really should get out of your hair."

"Pfft" Justin snorted, you're not in our hair, Brian's just afraid that if you feel smothered you'll leave, and then he can't protect you."

Brian was severely wasted at this point, his words a little slurred, as he lifted his head "I'm not trying to protect anyone, you can all do whatever you want."

They both looked at him, and he smiled "as long as I don't think it's pathetic."
"See, he likes to play big protector man."

"He's always been my hero." Lindsay said.

Justin shrugged, "Mine too. Didn't say I minded."

Brian stretched his long frame out leaning his head even further back in the kitchen chair, he could sit and listen to people sing his praises all night so long as they never knew he actually enjoyed it. He tried to scowl, but it came out more like a half smile, and finally he gave up on trying to make the right facial expression and just took another drink.

"The carriage house has great light though" this was Justin, "so if you wanted to paint again, you could set up space in there, and there's the upper loft and the two downstairs rooms plus the main space, so seriously, you and Gus and JR could do worse."

"You just don't want to share your studio space" Brian said.

Lindsay laughed, "like I'd ask him to, I'm beginning to think he's sacrificing goats in there the way he keeps it all locked up."

Brian raised an eyebrow…are you sacrificing goats in there Justin? Cause if you are the cleaning bill is going to be a bitch." Justin laughed,

"Not sacrificing anything in there, no goats, no virgins, no small animals."

"No virgins, well that's disappointing."

"Brian!" Justin and Lindz said in unison.

"Well, I thought it would be cool to know there were still virgins in Pittsburgh."

"I think you cured them all." Justin said.

"Cured you."

Justin blushed, and Brian laughed as he raised his head and looked at him.

"So I'll call the contractor tomorrow Lindz."

"Okay, but what are we gonna do about Mel?"
"We'll get a restraining order if we have to, I did some research."

"You did?"
"Yeah, that's how I knew she couldn't take the kids."
"So you planned this?"
"Nope, just prepared for it."
"My hero."

Lindsay kissed him on the cheek and he smiled lazily, eyes still closed, body still stretched out in the chair.

Justin, feeling inspired, kissed Brian as well, and after almost a full minute of exploring his mouth, Justin stood up, Brian, his eyes still closed said "that better have been Justin."

They all laughed.

"I'm going back to the studio for a little bit."
"One"

"Three"

"One fifteen"

"Two thirty"

"One thirty seven"

"One forty two"

"Don't be late."

Brian's eyes were still closed, and Justin had a feeling that Brian wouldn't notice what time he got into bed, but he had made a promise.

"I won't be."

Chapter 18

The next couple of weeks were rough on them all. It was early September and Gus was in Nursery school. Brian was willing to pay for a nanny for the kids, to give Lindz a break, but she refused. She spent her days taking care of JR until Gus got home, and then taking care of them both. Lindsay was recovering, slowly. It wasn't just the bruises, those heal. She missed Melanie, and she knew she shouldn't. It was almost impossible to talk to Brian about it. For Brian this was very black and white. Melanie was simply not worth missing. Justin was more understanding.

Lindsay and Justin had become closer. He was actually quite sweet and seemed to understand more than Brian did how you could miss and love someone who you knew you shouldn't but then Justin had been there, and was willing to admit it. Brian would never hurt Justin, not physically, but Justin had been told a thousand times he shouldn't put up with Brian, and yet, here they were, together, and seemingly stronger than ever.

Justin and Lindsay shared something else, an inability to sleep.

Brian and Justin still had their debates over what time he'd finish working for the night, but lately, as Justin left the studio at the specified time, he'd find Lindsay sitting in the den, mindlessly watching an old movie, or sometimes staring at a book pretending to read. Justin had taken to sitting with her sometimes.

They'd talk, and then they'd just sit, and she seemed to draw some strength, or comfort from the man's presence, from his quiet understanding. Justin marveled at how similar Brian and Lindsay were sometimes. They both felt that it was their job to be strong and fix the problem. Both of them sat in silence and brooded well.

At first, when Justin hadn't come up to bed at the agreed upon time Brian came down to retrieve his obsessive artist. He'd seen him sitting, listening to Lindsay as they talked in hushed tones. He just went back upstairs. The next night they were sitting silently, watching an old movie on TV. After a half a dozen encounters like this Brian still insisted Justin stop working, still haggled the times, but said nothing if he didn't make it up to bed 'til much later. He was helping. Lindsay was getting stronger. Together, Justin and Lindsay directed the contractors, and the carriage house was transformed into livable space. Two bedrooms on the first floor, a large open living space with loft space for Lindsay's bed and even enough room for an easel.

And through all of this, as colors were picked and plumbing repaired on the carriage house, Justin was looking worse and worse.

Brian had tried to confront him about it a few times, and Justin promised that in three weeks, when the first set of canvases were wrapped packed, loaded, shipped and received, he would slow down.

In the meantime Brian watched the dark circles under his eyes get darker and larger. His beautiful body, always lean and pale was now dangerously thin and far too pale. He ate, Brian saw that he genuinely tried to eat, but he often forgot to if no one reminded him, and he didn't sleep. He woke up often, sitting bolt upright in bed, his face contorted with fear. Brian would put his hand flat on his back, feeling his breathing and his heart rate, both dangerously high. He would rub small comforting circles on his back, trying not to focus on how very pronounced his vertebrae were. He'd make soft soothing sounds, and whisper sweet useless phrases. "It'll be okay, Shhhh, I'm right here."

More often than not, Justin would after a few minutes, lay back down, and Brian would pull him close, feeling his heart rate return to normal, and then his breathing would slow and become even. Once that happened, Brian could return to sleep as well, and most nights Justin didn't even remember that anything had happened. But as a result, Justin's few hours of sleep were never truly recuperative and he was subsisting on caffeine and cigarettes.

Tonight, Lindsay had been too tired to stay up; she'd taken a Xanex and curled up next to Gus in his bed. Justin crawled into bed at 2:51.

"Here."

Brian handed Justin a bottle of water and a small peach colored pill.

"What's this?"
"Xanex, you need to sleep."

Justin put the pill and the water on his nightstand and snuggled his body under the covers, resting his head on his pillow. "I'm going to sleep, right now."
"But you need to actually sleep, through the entire night, for more than four hours."

Justin wrinkled his nose. "I don't need a sleeping pill, I've been sleeping fine."

"No you haven't."
Justin opened his eyes at Brian's harsh tone. "Have I been tossing around, and keeping you up? I'm sorry, you should have said something. I can sleep downstairs if you want, or…"

Brian rolled his eyes. "You wake up every night in terror."

"No I don't"

"Oh, I guess I've been imagining it."

"Brian, I know when I wake up from a nightmare, I haven't had one in weeks, I've been too tired every night to even dream."
"These aren't nightmares, they're more like night terrors, and you don't wake up, at least not fully."

"Brian, what the fuck are you talking about?"
"You, and your little panic attacks in the middle of the night."

"Brian I haven't had one in weeks."

"You've had one every night FOR weeks."
"God, I'm sorry."
"Why are you apologizing, I'm just saying, take some thing for the fucking anxiety."
"If I take that I won't wake up 'til noon."
"And what would happen if just tomorrow you slept 'til noon."
"I wouldn't have enough time to meet with Gregory about final touches on the carriage house, and I wouldn't get a chance to stretch the canvas for my next project and even if I did all that, I'd have no time to get to the art supply store and I'm out of a few things that I desperately need."

"Give me a list, I'll go to the store."

"I need to go."
"Can't we hire someone to stretch the canvases for you?"
"It's important that I do it myself I want everything for this show to be…"
"Perfect?"
"Yes, is it so wrong that I want my first art show in New York to be perfect?"
"It's wrong if it's going to make you sick."
"I'm not sick."

Brian shrugged, "If you say so."

"If you want me to sleep downstairs I will."

"I want you to sleep here, in our bed, but I want you to sleep."

"You know I'd be asleep already but my…Brian won't shut the fuck up."

Brian laughed a little. Fine, but no working 'til eleven tomorrow, so there's no point in even getting out of bed 'til 10:30."

"Tomorrow's Thursday and you have to go to work, you can't keep me out of my studio while you're at work."
"Tomorrows Saturday."

"Really?"
"Really."

"Hmmm, the days are running together. I really do need to sleep. G'night" he kissed Brian on the nose and closed his eyes.

Brian watched him fall asleep, he really did practically pass out as soon as his head hit the pillow.

A week later the day had finally arrived. It was moving day, for both Justin and Lindz.

The carriage house was finally livable and Justin had completed 39 pieces for the show, enough to ship to Ranston's Gallery. He knew he should follow them. He owed the gallery owner two more appearances and Ranston had been calling him almost every day trying to pin down a date, but Justin had been putting him off. He finally agreed to go three days after the paintings were to arrive. It would give him a chance to make sure everything had reached it's destination undamaged and give him a chance to come up for air, he'd been spending so much time in the studio, and the rest of his time trying to comfort Lindsay and make Brian happy, that he felt he was failing at all of it.

Brian helped to settle Lindsay, Gus and JR in to their new home.

In truth, it was a safer place for JR, as no matter how toddler friendly they tried to keep the place, they just weren't very good at it. Sure all the outlets were covered, and the lower level kitchen cabinets baby proofed, which pissed Brian off every time he forgot, (every time he tried to open one of them), but last week they had found her chewing on a wine bottle cork, no one was sure where she had found it. Three days ago she'd graciously handed Brian an item that upon closer inspection was a beer bottle cap. Yesterday she almost pulled the runner, and the rock garden/candle display centerpiece onto her head, while sitting in the great room. The house just wasn't built for a baby.

The Carriage house had been professionally baby proofed. It had been redesigned to suit Lindsay's needs, and tastes. It was not what Brian would have chosen. A bit too many earthy crunchy prints, both in fabric choices and color schemes, but Lindsay seemed happy with it.

Justin was like a parent giving away his children as the men loaded the artwork into the truck. Each one was carefully wrapped, with protective pieces on the corners and wrapped in bubble wrap, and then secured into the truck, it did Justin no good to see their obvious professionalism, and their painstaking precautions, he was still pacing back and forth, biting his nails to the quick, and cracking the knuckles on his right hand systematically with the same emotional intensity of a truly repentant soul doing a rosary.

When the truck left, he cried.

Brian wanted to comfort him, but he had no idea what to say, and only slightly understood why he was crying.

Maybe once he saw the pieces, safely ensconced in New York, he'd be okay.

Two days later they were both packing.

"You don't have to come with me."

Brian continued packing.

Justin was cracking the knuckles on his right hand, a sound that made Brian grit his teeth but he was pretty sure Justin wasn't aware that he even did it.

"Brian, Lindsay probably isn't ready to be left alone, and…"

Brian's expression made him stop.

"We're going to New York, plane's leaving in two hours."
Brian flashed on their last few outings to the city. The fear in Justin's eyes, the hot night at the club, the absolute terror in his expression when he thought Brian had left. There was no way Brian was letting him go alone.

Justin sat on the bed and just watched Brian pack. "It's only one night, and you're going to be bored."

"Well maybe you can think of something to do to entertain me."

Justin tried to smile but he was dreading an entire day and night in a hotel room with Brian. And then he felt so guilty for feeling that way. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself.

Brian glanced over at Justin, sitting dejectedly on the bed. He was packing for the both of them. He wanted to comfort him, but he no longer knew how, and he was angry. Angry that Justin wasn't taking care of himself; angry that he didn't know how to make him do so.

They both hugged Lindsay goodbye, and promised to call, and they were off. Justin got drunk than Brian on the flight, a switch for them, and passed out almost as soon as they entered the hotel suite.

He came to a few hours later, breathing fast and shallow.

Brian was sitting at the table and smoking.

"You okay?"
Brian had tried, countless times to comfort Justin and nothing he did seemed to work, he decided to try a different, less hands on approach.

"What? yeah, fine, just gonna take a shower and…" Justin glanced at the clock, it was only 7 in the evening "Get to the gallery, make sure they didn't hang anything upside down."

Brian nodded. Saying nothing.

Justin was relieved. As much as he felt better, safer, loved when Brian soothed him, he also felt guilty and stupid and pathetic for needing anyone to do so, and even worse for asking Brian to. Brian was good at a lot of things, tenderness wasn't one of them and Justin didn't like the feeling of forcing Brian into a role that made him unhappy.

He showered, letting the ice cold water hit his skin. It hurt, but it also made him take deep breaths, and somehow calmed him more than a relaxing hot shower would. His teeth were chattering and his lips were blue when he finally emerged.

He pulled on a robe and started to riffle through the suitcase trying to find something suitable to wear for the meeting.

Brian stood behind him, pulling him backwards, leaning Justin against his broad chest. His hand was about to move down Justin's naked body when he stopped.

"Jesus Christ Justin, you're freezing."

Justin leaned against him. "Shower water was cold."
Brian turned him around and looked into his blue eyes, and then took in the fact that his lips were a similar shade and his teeth were chattering.

"What the fuck, are you okay?"

Justin smiled, "I told you the shower was cold."
"Cold showers, you don't think we have time to get rid of your sexual frustration the old fashioned way?"
Brian leaned in to kiss him, but his need to taste Justin, to feel Justin relax his body against him was actually secondary at this moment to his utter desire to see Justin's lips a color not usually found in morgues.

He kissed him slowly, until he felt Justin return the kiss, and respond. Soon Justin's cold skin was blushing back to a more normal hue. His hands were working at removing Brian's shirt as his body was busy showing Brian just how much warmth it was able to give.

Eventually Justin lost himself in the kiss and pulled Brian on top of him, only to laugh as he banged himself against the suitcase that was directly behind him on the bed.

"Ow"

Brian looked up and realized what had happened. He pulled Justin up and pushed the suitcase off the bed. At this point, he may as well have let Justin pack, everything was going to need ironing again but he didn't care. He kissed each part of Justin, stopping and spending a little extra time when he found a spot that was still cold from the shower. His hot mouth and tongue heating Justin's entire body until Justin was shaking and shivers were running down his spine, but for an entirely different reason.

When Brian finally flipped Justin over, pulling his robe off of him, his skin was flushed with color, and his need was apparent. As Brian put on a condom and slowly pushed into him, Justin moaned, an involuntary sound from deep in his throat.

Brian kneeled behind him and rubbed his hands up and down Justin's back, as Justin matched his rhythm, pushing back against him as he buried himself deep into the blonde's ass.

When Justin reached down, bringing himself to orgasm, Brian's movements quickened, and soon they both collapsed on the bed silently.

Justin curled up against Brian. "We haven't done that in a while."

"Three whole days."
"Has it been that long?"

Brian laughed and Justin snuggled closer to Brian. "You know, I don't have an actual appointment with Ranston today, and I suppose some of my work could be viewed just as enjoyably upside down.

"You want to just stay in?"
"Yes please."
Brian pulled Justin closer, wondering if there was any way he could convince Justin that it was just as okay to take a night like this in their own home as it was to do so in this suite in New York.

Justin was a wreck the next day. No matter what Brian offered as a distraction Justin continued to simply sit on the bed and shake.

"I'm sorry I'm being so stupid."

"You're not stupid, you're sick."
"I'm not sick."

Brian looked at him, curled up into himself in fleece pants, a long sleeve shirt and a hoodie his teeth still chattering.

"If you're not sick, you're doing an amazing acting job."

Brian called room service and ordered chicken soup.

"I don't want any."

"I didn't ask."

"Brian I can't eat today, I'm too nervous about the show, I need to go, to walk off some of this nervous energy."

Brian shrugged, "Put on some shoes, we'll go for a walk."

Justin looked at him, "I think I need to go alone."

"Bullshit."
"Brian, I'm just worried about the show okay, I'll be fine."

You eat the soup, you can go walk around all you want, but the last thing I saw you eat was two days ago, and I'm not really looking to have you pass out alone in central park, it's not on the itinerary."

Justin began pacing, cracking his knuckles, grinding his teeth together to keep them from chattering.

"I eat the soup and I can go?"

"Eat the soup and I'll stop holding you captive."

"What is this, magic soup?"
"You know what, do whatever the fuck you want, you always do. Go, take a long walk in central park, do whatever you have to do but pull yourself together."

Justin wasn't surprised at the tone in Brian's voice; he'd been expecting it for weeks, if not months now. Brian had his limits, and somehow Justin always managed to push him just over them. It was just a matter of time.

Justin pushed his feet into a pair of sneakers and stormed out.

"Fuck."

Brian fought the urge to go after him for several seconds, and then walked out of the room determined to find Justin.

It was a short search, he'd made it to the elevator before he'd felt the sudden need to sit down, he was tired, his legs were shaking like he'd just run a marathon, and he had no idea where he was going. Tears were falling unheeded down his face.

Brian found him like that several seconds later and simply put out his hand.

Justin took the proffered hand and followed Brian back to the room.

"Why don't we start this conversation over?"

Justin still crying nodded.

"Want to go for a walk?"
Justin shook his head.

"Want some soup."

Justin nodded.

"See, life is much easier when you just fucking listen to me isn't it."

Justin nodded again, looking up and smiling a little.

"You're not always right you know."
"Yeah, I'm sure I'll be wrong someday, and as soon as I am, I know you'll be there to point it out."

Justin lay down on top of the covers.

Brian answered the door, signed for the soup and hung a do not disturb sign on the knob.

He brought the soup back to Justin who made a halfhearted attempt at eating it before curling back up.

Brian folded the covers so that they were covering his dangerously small frame and went back to reading the paper, hoping something horribly tragic had happened to some earnest hard working nun in some third world country so that he could find something to laugh about.

PITTSBURGH

Emmett and Ted and Blake all made it to Deb's Friday dinner. Michael and Ben were there as well, but hunter had a date and was unable to attend.

Lindsay was still a little hesitant about it but Deb had insisted. The conversation flowed easily, and Lindsay remembered how much she really did miss her friends. Michael was thrilled to see JR, but his opportunities to actually hold her were few, as Deb seemed unwilling to relinquish the girl. She went about serving dinner with the baby on her hip.

"So you finally broke down and got a dog?" Emmett asked.

Ted smiled, "we did."
Blake laughed, "you know, I was the one who wanted the dog, and I think teed loves her more than I do."

"Well, she's so cute, have you guys seen the latest pictures?" and Ted began passing around pictures of the small Yorkie terrier they'd recently purchased. "Her name is bluebonnet, but we just call her blue."
They all smiled indulgently.

Lindsay was starting to really relax when Melanie appeared at the door.

"Should have known you'd just fall back into your old rhythms."
"Mel. W What is you doing here?"
"I came to see if you'd poisoned all of my friends against me." Melanie looked around the room. "Why am I not surprised that you go for the friends with dicks."

Carl took a step forward, preventing Debbie and Ben and Emmett from getting any closer to Mel, they all had dangerous looks in their eyes.

Michael had taken JR upstairs with Gus; he was trying to keep the kids from seeing too much of this.

"Melanie." Carl spoke slowly, trying to keep things calm. "I'm going to need you to leave, there's a Protection From Abuse order, a PFA that says you can't be here right now."
"You think I don't know what a PFA is you fucking asshole, I'm a goddamned lawyer."

"Mel, I know you know what it is, I just wanted you to understand your rights, so I need you to leave, why don't you just go home, and tomorrow we can…"

"Carl, shut the fuck up."

"Mel, look, why don't you and I talk outside." Ben tried.

"Right, like you're gonna help, you're trying to take my kid away."

"Mel, no one's trying to do anything right now, we're just trying to save you from getting arrested."

"Save me? You're trying to save me? Well, what the fuck do I need saving from? Lindz, why don't you and I go outside and talk, this whole thing has gotten too fucking ridiculous."

Lindsay was about to take a step forward when Emmett held her hand, he didn't pull her back, or restrain her, he simply offered his support. Lindsay gratefully accepted, squeezing Emmett's hand tightly.

"Mel, I can't do that. I'm sorry."

"Melanie, I have to ask you to leave or I'm going to have to arrest you." Carl said softly, trying not to upset the woman any further. Melanie glared at him, and eventually turned and stormed off.

"Well, that was…bracing." Emmett said.

Lindsay sat on the sofa and bit her lip, forcing herself not to cry. "I'm sorry, to all of you."

"What the fuck is you apologizing for? She's the raving lunatic." Deb said.

"Well, I didn't mean to ruin your dinner, and it was lovely Deb, it really was, I'm just so sorry that you all had to…"

"Lindz, it's okay, it's not your fault." Lindsay looked at Ben and wished she could believe him.

We'd better go she made a move to head upstairs and collect Gus and JR but Ben stopped her. "I think I'd really like you to stay with Michael and me tonight, I don't like to think about you being all alone."

Lindsay smiled, "I'm sure we'll be just fine."

"Honey, are you really sure, she looked pretty angry." Emmett asked.
Lindsay smiled again trying to look determined and brave. She looked scared, and pleading. "Stay with us Lindz." Michael watching Mel leave from the window had returned, with JR, Gus trailing behind him.

"Maybe just for tonight. Brian and Justin will be back tomorrow and…" Lindsay trailed off, not really sure what Brian and Justin's return had to do with any of it.

"Well now that we've got that settled, who wants some fucking dessert?" Debbie asked.

"Ooh me" Ted answered and they all returned to the table for coffee, and cake and each of them tried in their own way to make Lindsay feel better, and for the most part it worked.

NEW YORK

Brian woke Justin up an hour before they had to be at the gallery. He'd been sleeping fitfully but sleeping and Brian wasn't particularly happy about having to wake him but he actually did have a contractual obligation to be there.

Justin was groggy, and rubbed his eyes, Brian handed him some clothes. "C'mon sunshine, your adoring public awaits."

Justin yawned. "Can't they await for a little while longer?"

"The sooner you do this, the sooner we can get home."

Brian would love to keep Justin in New York, specifically in this hotel room for longer than a couple of nights, somehow, he seemed to sleep a little better here, but he knew that Justin was anxious to get back, and he was a bit anxious himself about leaving Lindsay on her own for too long.

Justin put on the black pants and turtleneck Brian had handed him.

"Christ, when was the last time you got a haircut?" Brian asked, his hair was getting long again, and between the blonde locks and the black turtleneck, Justin's face looked even paler and more drawn.

Justin shrugged, "I think it was before I moved to New York, so like, seven months, why, does it look bad?"

Brian nodded in that manner he had that meant the entirely opposite, and Justin smiled. "I don't have to stay for the whole show this time, I just have to be there to chat. Promise me we can come back early."

"Sure."

Justin was still shaking when they got out of the cab a block from the studio. Brian had pretty much assumed Justin's nerves would hit him hardest right before the show, which is why he'd left them some time before they were due.

He pulled Justin close to him, kissing the top of his head, and felt the smaller mans body trembling against his. He knew it was more than nerves, and vowed to himself that Justin was going to see a doctor as soon as they got back. Justin leaned his head back and Brian kissed him. Justin's arms snaked around Brian's neck, pulling him down for a deeper kiss.

"You ready?"
"To go home? Absolutely."
"Lets go."
And Brian pulled him towards the gallery, opening the door and watching as Justin circulated, smiling and talking to the patrons.

Brian looked at Justin's work happy not to see himself staring back from a 10-foot canvas this time. Instead they were showing three distinctly different works. The first was an abstract portrait or at least at seemed to be at first glance but as you moved closer you saw that each square was a smaller picture, a smile, a hand, an outstretched arm, it was an amazing piece.

The second was the Pittsburgh skyline, but from an odd angle, as if it were done by someone lying on the street looking directly up, the buildings seemed higher, and to be closing in on you. It was powerful. The third was apparently one of the ones recently delivered, it was smaller, a study in texture and form, light and shadow it was… Brian smiled, stepped back, turned his head to the side, and laughed, it was upside down, and it was his knee, he recognized the small black line from when he'd fallen off his bike onto gravel when he was 8, Justin had painted his knee.

Brian's gaze moved around the room and found Justin, their eyes met, and Brian raised his eyebrows suggestively. Justin's fake smile became real.

About an hour later Justin took Brian's wrist and said, "lets go."

"Are you sure?"

"Couldn't be more sure."

They had almost made it to the door when Ranston stopped them. "Justin, it was great to see you. Can we speak for a moment?"
"I guess."

Justin walked back into the room with the older man. Brian stood where he was, watching Justin's face as they spoke.

A few minutes later they were outside hailing a cab.

"What did he want?"

"Nothing much, he got all the pieces in, undamaged, which we already knew, and he said that after looking at them, he was surprised."

"Good surprised?"

"Yeah, I guess it's good, apparently most artist's first shows, well, a lot of the work is utter crap, and so they ask for a lot more than they need, because you know, to fill a gallery, well, he said that he wasn't aware that so many of the pieces I'd be submitting would be so large in scale, plus, he said the stuff was good, so he doesn't really need anything more for the show."

Brian looked at Justin, ignoring the passing cabs now.

"So you're done?"
Well, I mean if I want to submit more, they'll be happy to show it, but yeah, he feels confident that they have enough to fill the gallery and that most of it will sell." Justin swallowed hard.

"So you're done."

"I think I'm done."

Brian smiled, it was that same stupid smile he'd had the day Justin had told him he was back, when they had breakfast at the diner. It was creeping Justin out a little.

Brian picked Justin up and kissed him hard. "We should celebrate, this is quite an accomplishment."

"Yeah, I guess so."
Brian looked at him. "You'd rather just go to sleep wouldn't you?"

Justin melted against him. "Yes."

Brian smiled even wider, "lets get our stuff and get out of this hick town."

They were on the next flight back to Pittsburgh. Brian called the hotel and had them forward their belongings. Neither of them felt like stopping to pack.

Chapter 19

By the time Justin and Brian actually returned to the house they were both too wired to sleep so they found other ways to occupy themselves, and eventually they both drifted off, entangled in the sheets and each other.

Justin awoke a few hours later, it was almost six am. He pulled on a pair of jeans and locked the studio door behind him as he tried to focus on what to do next.

There was nothing to do. The show was done, there were other works he'd planned, but he just couldn't seem to motivate himself to begin any of them.

He left the studio a few hours later not quite sure what to do with himself.

Brian awoke to an empty bed. He looked at the clock, it was just after 8. He'd gotten a call from Michael last night, which had given him the gist of what had happened at Deb's house. He was glad Lindsay was staying with them. He figured she'd be back this afternoon sometime.

He pulled on a pair of jeans and headed downstairs. He was surprised to find Justin in the kitchen.

"You want something for breakfast?" Justin asked him as he poured two cups of coffee.

Brian shrugged. "I'll make eggs."

Brian watched as Justin made two omelets, and put them both down on the table. When Justin returned with toast and sat down Brian tried to hide his surprise. He did a lousy job.

"Would you stop looking at me like that, I told you I'd be better once I finished the work for the show. I finished the work for the show." Justin punctuated the sentence by shoving a healthy forkful of eggs into his mouth.

Brian took a bite of his own omelet. "Not bad."

Justin smiled and Brian felt a part of him that had been knotted tightly for the past few months start relax.

"So what do you want to do today?"

Brian chewed thoughtfully. "Today would be a great day to read the paper, and take a nap.

"Since when do you nap?"
"Since I feel like neither of us has actually slept in months."

"We could pick up Gus and Lindsay and JR and go to Hershey Park"

Brian simply looked at Justin

"Valid point, bad idea."

Brian didn't really have to say anything; he just wasn't an amusement park kind of person.

"We could argue over what we're going to do about the parlor."

"Library."

"Sitting room?"
"Back room."

"Home office?"
"Dungeon."
Justin laughed, and the knot inside Brian's chest unknotted a little bit more.

"We could actually figure out what's in those boxes."

"Nothing, I'll call someone and have them donated to charity."

"You know you can't do that until you at least get your personal stuff out of there."

"I could have it all hauled away as trash."

"Brian, there's probably stuff in there worth keeping."

Brian shrugged, "If I haven't missed any of it yet, I don't see when I might."

Justin yawned.

"What time did you wake up?"
"Little before six."
"So you got a whopping two and a half hours of sleep."

"It's good to be young, I understand as you get older, you need more sleep." Justin nodded knowingly at Brian. "It's okay, I understand, you're slowing down." He put a sympathetic hand on Brian's

Brian gave him a look that shut him up quickly.

"We could promise to have an entire day of not nagging."

"I don't nag."

"Right, perpetual reminders, they're very different from nagging because…" Justin looked at him questioningly "How are they different from nagging again, I always forget."
Brian laughed. And stood up, taking Justin's hand, "why don't you and I take advantage of the fact that there is no Gus, no Lindsay, no JR, no friends, no family, no work in the studio to get back to, no calls from Cynthia to return…" he had already removed Justin's shirt and was beginning to work on his pants when Justin's hands slipped under his shirt.

The next several hours were spent christening parts of the house they had missed at other times in their endeavors to make every spot of this house their home.

They were finally spent, sweaty, exhausted, and naked, leaning against the couch in the great room and surveying the damage they'd done to the dining room, the table runner was crumpled in a corner somewhere, and several of the chairs were lying like fallen soldiers on the floor.

"I may have to re arrange my top ten list to add today."

Justin laughed, I've given up trying to keep track. He looked up at Brian, "How many of your top ten were with me."

Brian seemed to consider this for a minute. "At least one, IF I rearrange the list to add today."

Justin laughed and elbowed him in the chest lightly. "Asshole."

"We should have Daphne and that guy she's seeing over for dinner."
"We should?" Justin knew that Brian hated dinner parties, so him bringing up the topic was more than surprising.

"And maybe Michael and Ben, I think we technically owe them dinner."

"Brian Kinney are you going all domestic on me?"
"No, I'm just thinking that there are a lot of people who would be happy to see your re-entrance into humanity after your brief period as a recluse."

"I was not a recluse."
"36 hours straight in the studio, three hours sleep, bottle of water, pack of cigarettes, repeat."
"I was not that bad."

Brian shrugged, invite them over for tomorrow.

"Really? You're sure."
"No, I changed my mind."

Justin got up to make the calls, which would have been easier if Brian weren't standing behind him and nibbling on his neck as he extended the invitations.

Once he was off the phone with Daphne, Michael and Ben had accepted their invitation, and promised to bring Hunter to watch the kids so Lindsay could join them, he turned his full attention back to Brian.

Mmmmmm, I've missed this, he was licking Brian's nipple, swirling his ever-talented tongue.

"My tit? It's been right here." Brian arched his back, reveling in the feel of Justin's mouth.

Justin leaned back, looking up at him "Brian, do me a favor."

"Mmmmmm?"
"Shut up."

"Mmmmmm"

And a few of the kitchen chairs joined their fallen comrades in arms on the floor.

Brian finally coaxed Justin back to bed, where they did nothing more interesting than sleep, for most of the day. It was well after five before they both decided that fighting their hunger was no longer a viable option.

They ordered a pizza, and ate it in front of the TV, watching the movie Diner.

"I can't believe you've never seen this film."

"It was made like the year I was born."

"No, it wasn't but even so, it's a classic."

"I don't get it."
"Shut up and watch."

"The entire left side of the menu?"
"Classic."
They sat in silence through the rest of the movie

"Good casting though."

"Mmmmmm hmmm"

"Somewhere around 8 they saw the lights come on in Lindsay's house."

"I'm gonna go help her tuck Gus in, Brian said, pulling on a pair of jeans and pushing his feet into a pair of shoes. Still shirtless he walked across the lawn to see how Lindsay was doing.

A few minutes after Brian left it happened.

Justin's heart started racing, his body felt as if it were tensed into one giant cramp. He made it to the bathroom just in time as the pizza came back up. He didn't know what to do. He sat on the bathroom floor, crying.

Everything was fine. The show was done, the party was done, Brian was okay, he was okay, he and Brian were okay together, why was he suddenly so horribly scared. He couldn't stop the tears. He couldn't stop shaking, he couldn't breathe.

He stayed there, hiding in the guest bathroom for a while, and when he finally pulled himself together enough to splash cold water on his face and took a couple of ragged breaths, he realized that it was probably just a reaction to so much food, and so much relaxation after being so stressed for so long. He wanted to laugh at himself for having gotten so scared, but he wasn't quite ready to laugh yet.

He was ready to go back to sleep however and that's where Brian found him when he returned from Lindsay's a little over an hour later, asleep in bed.

Brian, who had been sleeping significantly more than Justin over the past few months wasn't quite ready for sleep and so busied himself with a project he was hoping he wouldn't need, as he researched a few of Justin's symptoms, wondering if there was a reasonable explanation for his behavior or if the kid might just be going insane.

It was after midnight when Brian finally lay down in bed. Only a moment after he slid his body beneath the sheets Justin seemed to sense his presence and curled up around him. And Brian felt Justin's even breathing against his chest and exhaled slowly, falling asleep within minutes.

Justin had gone to bed at around nine thirty, so when he looked at the clock and saw that it was 11:30 he wasn't surprised. When he finally came to, and realized that it was 11:30 am he was concerned.

He jumped in the shower, moving quickly.

He pulled on a pair of clean but paint encrusted cargo pants, and an equally paint covered t-shirt. He sat on the bed, to put on socks and finished tying his sneakers. He looked for his wallet and couldn't find it, trying to retrace his steps he realized the last place he'd had it was the hotel.

"I need money."

Brian just looked at him.

"I left my wallet in the hotel room and we've got people coming for dinner and nothing to feed them. Give me your credit card so I can go grocery shopping."

"I'll go with you." Brian stood up

"I'm fine, I just don't have my wallet."

"And I have mine, let's go."

"Brian you're a pain in the ass at the supermarket, I don't have time for this, just give me the fucking credit card."

"I'm a pain in the ass at the supermarket. Who can't make a decision between vermicelli and linguine?"

"Fuck you, I'm… deliberate about my choices, you just throw anything into the cart and then we don't eat half of it."
Brian was about to say something, reminding Justin that he wasn't the one who didn't eat, but had sworn off the nagging for a while, especially after yesterday. Justin had eaten, and slept and obviously was feeling better.

Brian shrugged, "we're out of Pom juice, Pelligrino and bread."

"Whole grain or 12 grain."
"Why don't you deliberate, and decide for us."
Justin smiled and kissed his nose. "You're still an asshole."

Brian handed Justin his debit card. "Get yourself some cash too, if you don't have your wallet, we probably won't get it back for a couple more days."

Justin shrugged, he had no intention of taking Brian's money, but that was an argument for another day. He didn't mind when Brian paid for things, especially since it was true that his art supplies for the show had been expensive, and no matter how quickly he got to the check, Brian was always just that much faster, but he had never asked Brian for cash, even when he really needed it, and now that he didn't he just wasn't going to get in the habit of counting on Brian for everything.

He pulled out of the driveway, and realized he'd forgotten about Lindsay. He gave her a quick call. "Hey, I'm going food shopping, you need anything?"
"No, we're all set here, but thanks for asking."

"You doing okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, we're all fine."

"You're coming for dinner tonight right?"
"I'm not sure, if I feel up to it I'll be there."
"Please come."
"Well, it sounds like it's going to be a couples thing and…"

Justin laughed, "Daphne has been with this guy…Brad, Chad, something like that, for all of five months, they're hardly a couple, and Michael and Ben, are well, Michael and Ben, and if you don't come I'm going to tell Brian that he is having a "couple's thing" and then he'll go off and get drunk and leave me and it'll be all your fault."

Lindsay laughed, "Fine, for the sake of your relationship with Brian I'll be there."
"And Lindz, for the sake of my relationship with Brian…don't ever say that I have a relationship with Brian in front of him."

Lindsay laughed again, "you know, I think he actually is aware of it now."

"Doesn't mean he likes to admit it in public."

"Point taken."

"You sure you don't need anything?"
"Well, if you're going to be at the store, a box of cheerios, and some whole milk wouldn't be completely unwelcome."

"Lindz, you don't even have a car, are you sure you don't need anything else?"

"No, I'm fine, and I'm getting my car back soon."
"Fine, cheerios, and milk.

"Oh and white bread and American cheese."
"Okay now I'm going to have to start making a list."

"I'm sorry."
"And I'm kidding, white bread, American cheese, cheerios, and milk. Do you want any grown up food, or is everyone eating like a toddler in the house?"
Justin knew Lindsay well enough to know that she'd ask for what Gus or JR needed, but she'd never admit to wanting something for herself. "Never mind, I'll bring you a few things, at least until you get your car."

"Thanks Justin."
"Anytime, hey, did you hear the news, I'm done working on stuff for the show."
"Brian told me, you know that's really impressive."
"You're still coming right?"
"Hey, I practically discovered you, do you think I'd miss this?"
"Good, I need at least one friendly eye in the crowd."

"I think there will be more than one."

"It's still nerve wracking to think about, I mean, my stuff is easily overlooked against some of the other artists works that they show, but this will be, ALL my stuff, I mean NOTHING but my stuff…"

"Justin, your work is amazing, and powerful, and from what I hear, not so easily ignored, I heard almost everything you've shown has sold."

"Yeah, except for Brian's knee."

Lindsay laughed, "You painted Brian's knee? The one with the scar he hates?"

"Yeah, and they hung it upside down. Maybe that's why no one bought it."
Lindsay was trying to stop laughing. "Why exactly did you paint his knee?"
"It was an exercise in texture and shading."
"Pfft, you were sketching and his knee was in your line of vision."

"And that."
Lindsay was still laughing when Justin said goodbye to her and parked in front of the huge grocery store. It wasn't until he was actually there that he realized he had no idea what he was serving for dinner.

Two hours later he pulled back into the garage, the car loaded down with groceries. Brian appeared to help him carry in most of the bags.

"These three need to go to Lindz's, can you take them over? I want start marinating the chicken for dinner."

Brian looked at his watch. Dinner's not for six hours.

"I want to get started, I want everything to be…"

"Perfect?"
"Yes, now take the milk over to Lindz before it's cottage cheese."

Lindsay met him at the door, and took two of the bags out of Brian's hands just in time to keep him from dropping them as Gus launched himself into his father's free arm.

"Hey sonny-boy."

"Daddy, guess what? Me and Sam were at the ocean and we saw a big lizard and after it went swimming we brought it home and mom said we couldn't keep it and made us take it back to the ocean but it followed us home anyway cause Sam and Shelby are gonna keep it."

Brian looked up at Lindsay waiting for a translation.

"The pond, behind the old barn, Gus has decided it's the ocean. They saw a frog, we took it back, but now apparently Sam, his dog Shelby, and the frog are living happily together."
"And I still shouldn't be worried?"

"Your son has a very active imagination, it's the sign of a creative mind."

"If you say so."
"Brian, Justin is too sweet."

Lindsay was unloading grocery bags in the kitchen, Brian was sitting on the floor with Gus and his trucks, JR had sat down leaning against Brian's chest as he lay on his side. He looked up at her comment with questioning eyes.

I asked for milk and bread, she waved her hand displaying the vast array of things that weren't milk and bread that Justin had sent over with Brian. Brian laughed.

"He takes care of people."
"Everyone but himself."

"I think he's doing better, at least I hope he is."
"You're really worried about him."

"I was."
"We all were."
"Now you're not?"
"We trust you Brian, you won't let him fall too far."
Brian stood up abruptly. "I've got to get back, I'll see you tonight?"
"Of course."
He kissed her, and put JR back down on the play rug with Gus. "You take care of your sister okay?"

"I always do daddy."

Brian kissed the top of Gus's head, fished a cigarette out of his pocket and smoked it while he wandered around the property.

"We all trust you Brian, you won't let him fall too far." They were fucking stupid. Why would anyone trust him? Brian tried not to be angry but he couldn't help it. Fuck them, fuck Justin and his unwillingness to take care of himself, fuck Deb and Ben and Lindsay and Jennifer and anyone else who thought it was his job to take care of Justin, who thought he could do it. Who told them he could do it? The more he thought about it the angrier he got, what if Justin had fallen, what if the work hadn't been "perfect" what if he had finished the work too late and had actually collapsed? Why was everyone so sure he had the answers? Brian ran his hand through his hair and suddenly regretted the spur of the moment dinner party decision. He regretted it more when he got back to the house and found Justin setting the table. It was 3:00 dinner wasn't for five hours.

"You really think people are going to be here that early?"
"Shut up, I just wanted to get this out of the way so I could get started on dinner prep."

"You're cooking something that takes five hours?"
"No you freak, but I need to wash the endive for the salad, and chop the garlic and vegetables for the…"

Brian shrugged, "do whatever you have to." And went to the den where he rolled himself a joint, and got slowly mellowly stoned while seething inside at everyone who had decided that this was up to him to fix.

Dinner actually went well, Justin was surprised by Daphne's new boyfriend, he wasn't the type she usually went for, he was…well he was nice to her, which was a change from most of the guys she'd been dating and he was also relatively smart and charming. He and Ben seemed to have quite a bit in common as the evening wore on. Lindsay seemed to be in a good mood, and Justin was feeling like he might just make it though the evening without falling apart.

Brian was watching Justin carefully, he kept moving during the entire meal, constantly getting up to get something he'd forgotten, or clearing away dishes, he never stopped and he never ate.

After dinner Justin suggested coffee and desert in the great room, and he went into the kitchen to start the coffee. He finished putting the beans into the machine, and setting it to brew, and then ground his teeth at the sound of the beans grinding. He turned away from it and knocked one of the dishes that had been sitting on the edge of the sink onto the floor. The plate shattered.

Justin stared at it, unable to focus, unable to breathe. His brain spun, the tears were flowing down his face and he had no idea why, he started to yell but he couldn't seem to make a sound, instead he just picked up the entire stack of plates and threw them down with full force watching them shatter at his feet.

Brian heard the sound of a dish breaking and laughed, "fuck, he's gonna make me go back to that stupid store and buy more dishes."

Ben said something and they all chuckled and then he heard the louder crash of breaking glass and this time with more force. He moved quickly, and found Justin, tears streaming, his body shaking with the force of his sobs hurling dishes at the floor. Brian tried to step towards him but the look in Justin's eyes was frightening. "One fucking dinner party" Justin said, "I can't even fucking get through one fucking dinner party." He was practically keening doubled over as if in pain. His entire body wracked with each sob.

Michael and Daphne came to the kitchen to see what was wrong; Brian motioned them away. Michael tried to take a step forward. Brian glared at him.

"Get the fuck out." They all filed out of the house rather quickly, not sure what was going on but somewhat sure that Brian was better equipped to handle it than they were. Lindsay took in the kitchen scene and wasn't sure at all. While it was easy to focus on Justin and the pain he was clearly experiencing, she knew the look in Brian's eyes too well to ignore it. He had shut down. His face was blank. He took a step forward. "Justin."

"Fuck off Brian."

"Justin, just…"

Brian looked down as he stepped on a shattered piece of glass and noticed Justin wasn't wearing shoes. Justin had smashed the coffee pot and the steaming brew was pooling around his bare feet, as well as broken dishes and, Christ, was that blood? He tried to think. Justin rarely if ever wore shoes in the house, but had he actually served dinner without them? The floor was covered in shards of glass and pottery and he wasn't sure what was next. Justin was still crying, still yelling, telling him, them to go away. Brian looked and suddenly noticed that Lindsay hadn't left.

Justin inwardly was trying to pull himself together, he felt as if he were imploding. He'd left a plastic plate on a hot burner once, and it had melted inwards, it's how he felt now, as if he were melting into himself, as if everything were closing in on him. He tried to focus and was suddenly as intent on cleaning up the mess he'd just made as he had been on creating it, but he was doing it automatically.

Brian watched Justin take a step forward not seeming to notice that he was walking barefoot over broken glass. "Justin." Brian tried to keep his voice calm. Justin was kneeling on the floor now sweeping together the broken pieces that were near him with his hands. "Justin." Brian tried again, but Justin backed away, putting his hand down on a piece of broken coffee pot, the hot glass cut into him and Brian saw the blood. There seemed to be a lot of it. He was starting to really panic. Brian realized that the glass had cut Justin's wrist. The blood began to pool next to the crying man on the floor mixing with the hot coffee and broken glass.

"Justin." Brian took a step towards him again, "you're hurting yourself." Justin's eyes were blank. "Brian?"

There were tears streaming down his face but his body now seemed to be still, his shaking had stopped, the body wrenching sobs had stopped, but the tears continued to flow.

Justin suddenly became aware of his surroundings, became aware of what he'd done. All he had wanted was to make Brian happy; he looked up and saw Brian's eyes, and there was emotion there, but nothing that resembled happiness. He tried to breathe but the he couldn't seem to pull in any oxygen. He just wanted to apologize, to leave, to give Brian what he wanted, which was not to be responsible for him anymore. He stood up, his hand was wet, he wiped it on his pants and started to run.

Brian watched Justin stand up, he seemed cognizant now, aware of his surroundings, and then he bolted.

Brian took two long strides noticing that Justin was leaving bloody footprints on the floor and a trail of deep burgundy dots as the blood dripped down his hand and off of his finger. Brian was about to say something when Justin turned around to look at him. Suddenly his eyes seemed to roll back in his head and he crumpled to the floor.

Brian watched, unable to move, he wanted to catch him, to keep him from falling but he was just out of reach and it happened so fast. He was down on the hard marble of the foyer before Brian could prevent it. His body seemed to almost bounce from the force of the landing. He picked Justin up, and carried him to the bedroom where he pulled lifted Justin's hand, which was still bleeding profusely. He was relieved to see that while he had cut his palm, he had not in fact done any damage to his wrist or any major arteries. He pulled the piece of glass out, and grabbed a towel to stop the bleeding.

Justin! This time he was yelling. The kid was out cold.

"I'll call an ambulance" it was Lindsay.

Justin opened his eyes. "I'm fine, I'm just tired. I'm sorry I ruined dinner Brian."

"I think he needs a doctor Brian."

Brian looked at her, not knowing how or why he knew that the last thing Justin needed right now was to be pushed into an ambulance and rushed to the hospital. He just shook his head, and took a somewhat shaky breath.

"We'll be okay Lindz, just…"

She nodded and closed the door behind her, not at all sure either one of them would be okay, but trusting Brian to make the right decision.

Justin looked up. "Everyone left?"

"Mmmmmm hmmm."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

Justin wanted to ask him what he was sorry about but he was too tired.

He wanted to ask why Brian wouldn't let go of his hand, but he was too tired.

He wanted to ask if Brian still loved him but he was too scared. He wasn't sure he could take the answer right now.

"Brian."

"Yes?"
"I'm really tired."
"I know sonny-boy"

"I'm gonna go to sleep."
"Okay."

Justin turned his head to the side and closed his eyes. Brian felt his heart actually stop. He was so pale. He looked dead. He laid his hand lightly across Justin's chest, feeling the comforting rise and fall of his breathing, and the soft thump of his heart beating and he let out the breath he had been unaware he was holding. When he was sure that Justin was just sleeping and not unconscious, when he had checked his head to make sure he hadn't hit it against the floor when he fell, when he had made sure the bleeding had stopped both on his feet and from the cut on his hand he took off his sweater and jeans and lay his head on Justin's chest, dozing to the sound of Justin's heart beating in his ear.

Tomorrow there was a lot to do. There were doctors and conversations and apologies and promises, but tonight there was just the very reassuring sound of Justin's heart still beating.

Chapter 20

Justin woke up sure he was dying. "I'm having a heart attack," he thought to himself as he tried to take a deep breath, it felt as if his entire body was pinned under a heavy weight. Eventually he realized that it was Brian.

Brian's head was lying heavily on Justin's chest, his arms draped over Justin's frame, one leg tossed casually across his ankles effectively pinning him to the bed.

"Brian."
Justin tried to push at him but he felt a sharp pain in his hand and some of the previous evenings events came back to him. Justin tried to figure out what to do next. Apparently Brian's response had been to simply trap him in bed, which, under other circumstances might be fun, but right now Justin was starting to panic, a feeling he wasn't interested in revisiting any time soon.

"Brian!" louder this time.

Brian lifted his head. "Mmmmfff?"

"Brian get off of me." Justin tried again to push him off but winced as he tried to use his left hand.

Brian sat up quickly. He took Justin's arm by the wrist and pulled his hand, palm up, to examine the wound. It wasn't bleeding anymore but he wondered if he should have taken Justin to get stitches.

Justin, finally free of Brian's dead weight tried to stand up, but suddenly sat again as he felt a sharp pain in his foot.

"What the fuck?"
Brian watched Justin's somewhat feeble attempts at getting out of bed, or moving at all, and his concern from last night flooded back to him.

"Sit the fuck down."

Justin had one of his legs resting on the opposite knee and was examining the bottom of his foot.

"Well I have to sit down, at least until I figure out what the hell I just stepped on, I think it's still in my foot."

Brian leaned over the edge of the bed and examined the floor, he didn't see anything, and then he turned his attention to the bottom of Justin's foot. There were several cuts and scrapes on his foot and toes. As Brian turned on the bedside lamp he saw a few quick glimmers and realized that there was still glass in it. He sighed.

Less than five minutes later Brian was standing in front of Justin, holding a clean pair of jeans and t-shirt in front of his face. "Change, we're going to the doctors."

"I don't need a doctor, I need tweezers, and maybe a pin or something."

"Did it sound like a question?"
Justin looked up at Brian and for the first time noticed his expression, it was dark, and he was working on blank, but he wasn't accomplishing it very well at the moment.

"Brian, seriously I just…"

"Put on clean clothes, or you're going to the doctor covered in blood and coffee."

Justin looked down at his pants, and saw that they were ruined, they were stained and there was a tear in the leg, and little spots of blood at the knees. "Fuck, I'm sorry Brian, these were expensive."
"Yeah, I'm very upset that you ruined a pair of pants. Now get dressed."

Brian was on the phone his back turned to Justin.

"Brian I…"

Brian shot a look over his shoulder that made Justin think twice about protesting. He silently pulled off the old pants, and noticed that his knees were speckled with blood. As he ran his hand over the scabs he felt that there was a piece of glass still there, he tried to pick it out, but his fingernails were so bitten and ragged all he ended up doing was opening the scab and causing his knee to bleed again.

Brian finished his phone call and turned around in time to see Justin picking at his knee. His grabbed Justin's wrist, not hard, but firmly.

"Put your fucking clothes on or I'm taking you there naked."

Justin looked up, trying to give Brian a flirtatious smile but he was apparently in no mood.

When Justin was dressed he stood up, and tried to walk, limping in different variations as he tried to find an angle for each foot that didn't make it feel as if he were driving the glass deeper into his flesh. Brian watched for a couple seconds as Justin tried to ensure that the glass buried itself further into his feet and finally sighed. He grabbed Justin's sneakers with one hand and picked Justin up, flinging him over his shoulder with the other, and walked them both down to the car. Justin was still protesting when Brian actually walked past the garage.

"Look at the floor Justin…that's your blood. He took a few steps further and turned so that Justin could see the kitchen floor. He said nothing else. He sat Justin in the car, fastened his seatbelt for him in the same way he would for Gus and then got in the drivers seat, lit a cigarette, pulled out of the garage and headed towards the doctors office.

Justin was silent. Brian glanced over and he was in deep concentration bending his left wrist back as far as it would go, and examining the cut on his hand. Brian saw it reopen and he took Justin by the wrist again "Stop that."

They made the rest of the drive in silence. Justin wanted to apologize, but he knew it was too late for that. There were a lot of things he knew he wanted to say but he wasn't ready, not yet.

Brian was lost in his own thoughts. He didn't want to sit in an emergency room, so he had called one of the few doctors he knew who could be discreet. It was where he'd gone the first time he'd ever thought he had gonorrhea. It had turned out to be nothing but he'd remained his primary care physician for years. And right now, he just needed someone who could check Justin out physically.

They pulled into the parking lot in silence and Justin opened his door. Brian leaned over him and pulled the door shut.

"We're going to go in there, we're gonna get you cleaned up, stitched up, whatever, and you're not going to argue or be a general twat about it." It wasn't a question, or a request. It was a demand.

Justin nodded, head down. Brian leaned over and kissed him. "You scared me last night." He whispered.

Justin looked up surprised. "I'm sorry."

Brian sighed, "Would you quit apologizing. Now wait there, I'll be around to get you."

"Brian I can walk in."

"Without shoes?"
Brian held up his shoes with a taunting smile and then walked around to the other side of the car.

Justin was embarrassed but the office was empty and the nurse sent them right back to an exam room. Justin sat on the crinkly paper, and Brian hopped up on the table and sat behind him, flipping his leg so that he was straddling the table he pulled Justin back against his chest. "You okay in there?" he whispered into the top of Justin's head.
"Yeah, I'm just embarrassed."
Brian smiled and gave a half laugh, "yeah well you probably should be."

Justin wiped a tear. "I'm so…"

"If you say you're sorry I'm going to create a whole new bruise for the doctor to look at." He said it quietly, and Justin opened his mouth again to apologize, but apologizing for apologizing wasn't going to make Brian any less upset with him right now so he shut his mouth again.

The nurse came in, asked a few basic questions and took Justin's temperature, and blood pressure.

A few minutes later the doctor walked in.

"Hey Brian."

"Hey doc"

"Justin, would you like Brian to stay, he can leave if you'd be more comfortable."

Brian shot the doctor daggers with his eyes but the Dr. McKenzie ignored him. "Brian will you stay?" Justin asked.

Brian shrugged against Justin's back; he hadn't released his arm, which was still holding the blonde against him. "Where've I got to go?"

Dr. McKenzie started by examining Justin's hand. Looking at it carefully he eventually pulled the wound together with three stitches and bandaged it well.

He then began to ask questions about exactly how this had happened.

Brian felt Justin tense up against him, but he let Justin tell the story, he was actually kind of interested in hearing Justin's version.

Justin's version, as it turned out, was an exercise in revisionist history and lies by omission, but Brian didn't interrupt.

Justin finished with a shrug "So Brian made me come here to get my hand looked at."

"Yeah, while we're here, why don't you check his feet, and his knees too, since they seem to have suffered as well in the…what was it you entitled last night, minor moment of insanity?"

Justin smiled, okay, so maybe it was more than just a moment, but I'm fine now.

Brian nodded.

"So stand up."
Justin looked at him, and then looked down at the drop he'd have to make to get off the table, and frowned.
"Mmmmmm hmmm," Brian turned his attention to the doctor. "Could you do me a favor and look at his feet."

The doctor turned his attention to the bottom of Justin's feet, and after examining them under a lighted magnifying glass he swiped the bottoms with disinfectant, gave a shot of local anesthetic and went to work digging out the shards and slivers of glass.

Justin didn't feel anything due to the shot, but he still couldn't bear to watch. He turned his head and Brian held his hand over Justin's eyes for him. Trying not to laugh at the drama queen reaction.

When the doctor declared that he needed Justin to remove his pants so he could check on his knees Justin hesitated.

"My knees are fine"

"Twat." Brian whispered softly into his ear.

Justin sighed and removed his pants, feeling somewhat embarrassed sitting in nothing but his underwear. The doctor checked the scrape on his thigh, and then he moved on to Justin's knees, which he cleaned gently, watching as the boy winced.

Brian tightened his grip a little around the waist, still saying nothing. The doctor repeated the procedure he'd done on Justin's feet, but without an anesthetic, as the cuts weren't as deep.

He glanced up from his work once and wondered who was in more pain, Justin, who was wincing audibly, or Brian who looked as if he might simply scream at any moment. But they both made it through okay.

He moved on to listening to Justin's heart rate etc. and glanced down at his chart. Now if you could just step on the scale for me.

Brian saw the mutinous look cross Justin's face, and set his jaw.

"You'll be okay to stand now, and your feet should still be numb."

Justin lowered himself off of the table slowly, and the doctor handed him his pants. Justin had been dreading this. He knew he'd lost some weight, but he really didn't know, or want to know how much. He stepped on, holding his breath.

The Doctor set the scale, and couldn't get a read; he moved the main bar lower, and finally got the scale to balance.

He measured his height and wrote that down too.

"I'd like to have some blood work done," he looked at Brian, I know Justin doesn't have insurance and some of these tests can be…"

Brian interrupted him. "Do what you have to do, I'll pay for it."

The doctor nodded, my nurse will be back in a moment to take the blood then Justin I'd like to talk to you in my office, Brian you can join us if Justin says it's okay.

Brian had no intention of letting Justin say otherwise, but he just nodded.

While they waited for the nurse Justin tried. "Brian, I'll be okay, he probably just wants to tell me that I should get an HIV test if I'm hanging around with you."

"Three years since your last physical? You're supposed to get tested every six months."

Well, I didn't count clinic blood tests when the nurse asked.

Brian shrugged; "they're doing one anyway."

After the nurse took the last vial of blood Justin stood back up, and felt his head start to spin. But he righted himself quickly and pushed his feet into the sneakers and socks that Brian had finally returned to him.

When they were both sitting in the office the doctor started to ask Justin some questions. "Have you been having trouble eating or sleeping lately?"
Justin was trying to crack the knuckles on his right hand but having difficulty because he usually did it with the palm of his left, which was now bandaged and still sore.

"I was, I was um…suffering some stress."

Brian decided now was not the time to interrupt.

"I'm a little worried about your weight."

"Well, I have been eating mostly junk…"

"No Justin, you're not overweight, you're pretty severely underweight. You're currently tipping the scales at 118 lbs."

Brian took a sharp intake of breath. "Jesus fucking Christ!"

"Brian calm down, we both knows I've lost weight, it's okay, I'll start eating better."

The doctor nodded, that's a start, but I'm concerned about the possibility of anemia, as you seem to have bruises that are clearly from last night's incident but also a few older ones as well. The doctor then began to ask a series of extraordinarily personal questions that made Brian want to hit him in the face and Justin want the floor to open up and swallow him. When Dr. McKenzie was satisfied that Justin wasn't in any immediate danger of being beaten or fucked to death, he wrote out a couple of prescriptions. One for a multi vitamin, one for Ambien, which he assured Justin was less addictive than Xanex and shouldn't cause any allergy issues, but would help him actually achieve REM sleep.

Then he made the suggestion that Brian was hoping for and Justin was dreading.

"Justin, you're obviously having some difficulties due to stress and some recent lifestyle changes. I would like to strongly recommend that you talk to a professional counselor about these issues."

Justin said nothing, took the scrips and simply walked out. Brian paid the nurse at the front desk, and followed him to the car.

Brian drove and Justin tried to wipe the tears without Brian noticing.

"Allergies?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Why don't you tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking that I'm going to miss you."

"Am I going somewhere?"
"Brian stop it."

They were at a stoplight and Brian looked over at Justin. "Why are going to miss me?"
"Because I know that I have to leave, that you want me to leave. That I'm more responsibility than you want, or can handle."

Brian clenched his jaw and drove the rest of the way in silence.

Justin's heart was breaking but he held back any more tears, trying to figure out where he was going to go.

When they finally got back to the house the remnants of the previous night were still obvious. Magdalena wasn't due until Tuesday.

Brian took Justin by the wrist and walked him into the den. He sat him down on the sofa and started pacing in front of him. He was trying to collect his thoughts, he'd been trying to do this all morning, nothing had worked. He wanted to say something glib, something snide, something that would make how he felt clear without forcing the point, and finally he stopped and looked at Justin, who was still staring at his hands.

"I love you."

Justin looked up. "What?"
"You're gonna make me repeat it?"
Justin shook his head.

"I'm going to repeat it anyway, and I'm going to talk, actually talk to you, and you're going to listen, okay?"
Justin was still looking at his hands, refusing to meet Brian's eyes.

Brian took a step closer, and put his hand under Justin's chin, until they were looking at each other. "Okay?"
Justin nodded.

"Okay." Brian took a deep breath, not sure how to start this, or where it would end.

"I love you."

"You said that already."

"Shut up, I said I'd talk and you'd listen. I want you to be okay. I want you to be happy, and healthy and understand that I don't want or need perfect. I spent a long time trying to make everyone believe that what I wanted and needed was just me, and my ability to take care of myself.

I spent a long time lying to a lot of people, mostly to myself, but Justin, you never let me lie to you, even when I tried, you called me on it. You've known how I feel about you, and what I need longer than I have. And you do a fucking fantastic job of providing me with everything I need when you're taking care of yourself. That's because…"

Brian stopped, trying to find the words, well better words, different words, words that weren't this naked and raw, but he didn't have any.

"Because the only thing I actually need is you. I don't want you to leave, and in fact, I can't let you leave because that'll fucking end me, so drop that line of thinking right now. What I do need is for you to be okay, and I know you're not."

Justin looked up quickly about to deny that he was anything other than fine.

"Don't fucking try to lie to me now, because I'm not going to accept the lies anymore. We're going to do something new. We're going to have rules that YOU are required to stick to. You're going to eat, and you're going to sleep, you're going to take care of yourself and you're not going to try to pretend that you're okay when you're not. You're going to let me help and you're going to let me take care of you while you can't."

Justin tried to speak again and Brian put his hand up to stop him.

"I don't know where or when you got this obsession with everything being perfect, and I don't think that we can fix what's broken in you in a single day, or with a single conversation, but we're going to talk, honestly from now on. No more pretending that you're fine, no more lying about what's wrong, or how wrong it is. You're fucked up. I get that. You're scared. I get that too. But no more lying."

There was silence and Brian kneeled between Justin's knees. "You can talk now," he whispered.

Justin looked up. "I'm making you miserable."

"No you're not."
"I'm making you worried."
"Yes you are."
"You shouldn't have to worry about me."

"I always have. I have worried about you since the first time I dropped you off at school and realized that you had to face an entire locker room full of boys who would happily kick your ass just for being who you are.

I've had a million reasons to worry about you every day since then and I've pretended it didn't matter. Pretended it didn't hurt to watch you hurt, that I didn't die a little when you didn't need me. I'm fucked up, and pathetic but I like you being around, and I like taking care of you, and I like that you take care of me, and I do notice it, all the small things you do to make my life more comfortable, but you're doing them at the expense of your own health, and that, I. Will. Not. Accept."

"I love you so much Brian that it scares me."

"Yeah, well it scares me too."

"Are you sure you want me to stay."

"Are you being dense on purpose?"
"I just don't understand why you'd want a basket case like me around."

"There's lots of reasons, and the astounding blow jobs are just one. The others are a little more pathetic, and sappy."
"Are you going to make me go to a shrink?"
"I can't make you do anything, but I think you should, it won't be like the useless fuck your mother took you to, but I want you safe, I want you healthy and I want you around, for a long time."

"I'm not going anywhere if you don't want me to."
"But you're killing yourself Justin. You don't eat."
"I'm not hungry."
"I understand that but Justin, you've dropped a lot of weight, you're hurting yourself, and not just last nights meltdown."

"It was just an…."

"Don't try to downplay it, I was there, you imploded and then collapsed, you had a Chernobyl level meltdown, you could have hurt yourself much more than you did. And even if you hadn't, you've been spiraling for weeks, maybe even months."

Brian picked up Justin's right hand, which was clenched in a fist. "Straighten your fingers."

Justin did his best to flex his hand, biting his lip to hold back the wince; his fingers were stiff this morning.

"You're lying right now. You won't admit that hurts."

"It's not so bad."
"Justin!"

Justin flinched from the sound.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to scare you, but this has to stop, the lying has to stop. You're not okay; you're not 'fine'. You're nowhere close to it, and that's okay, but you have to stop with the fucking lies. You're not protecting me from anything, and you're hurting yourself trying to."

"But if you know how fucked up I am, you won't want me. You want pretty things, perfect things. You deserve the best."

"You are pretty, you are the best, and no, you're not perfect but hell, fuck if any of us are."

Justin sat in silence for a moment.

Brian was trying to be open and honest, which were two of his least favorite things to do when it came to talking about emotions, but he couldn't let Justin leave, he couldn't have Justin not be here, and he had no idea how to convince the strongest person he knew that he needed his strength, and his imperfections, and his sunshine smile, and his annoying inability to decide on a type of pasta and his perfect ass, all of it in bed with him at night or he couldn't sleep.

"I can't sleep without you drooling on my shoulder."

Justin smiled. "You really want me to stay, even if I'm crazy?"
"Justin, you are batshit insane, and I can't live without you in my life."

"You're going to deny all of this later aren't you?"
"Most of it, but the part where you eat, you sleep, and you don't lie to me, those parts are staying."

"What about the part where I give amazing blow jobs?"
"That parts true and you know it."

"Why do you get to set all the rules?"
"Because I'm not the one with the multiple injuries from his recent eschewing of sanity."

"You can't just make rules for me, you're not my dad."

"No, I'm not, because unlike your dad I have a vested interest in your well-being. I actually care if you live or die. I also care if while you're busy not dying you're happy."

"Are you happy Justin?"
"Right now? Yeah. I think I am."

"Are you going to stay with me?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to take better care of yourself?"

"Do I have a choice?"
"No."
"Justin, I'm so sorry I let you fall so far, I should have caught you sooner."

"It's my fault Brian I…"

"Let's not do the blame thing, just understand that I won't let you fall again, I promise, but I can only keep that promise if you stop lying to me."

"I never really lied."

"Yes, you did, and lies by omission count."

"I won't lie to you again."

"And I will listen when you try to tell me what's wrong. I know I'm not the easiest person to talk to, but I'll try."
Justin bit his lower lip.

"What?"
"I just don't want to bother you with my problems."
"Justin, have you seen the kitchen? We're out of dishes. You broke them all. Have you seen your hands, your knees, your feet? It bothers me more when you don't tell me your problems."

Brian leaned up and kissed Justin, moving his body until he was straddling Justin's lap, kissing him passionately, his hands in Justin's hair, feeling the blondes mouth respond to his, feeling his body respond to his.

Brian pulled back. "No more lying?"
"No more lying."

"Promise me."

"I promise, no more lying."

"Okay then, want to go back to bed?"

Justin nodded. "But Brian, I'm not really tired."

Brian laughed as he helped Justin up the stairs. "I didn't say you had to start sleeping right now."

And in fact it was quite a while before either of them drifted off into a sated sleep, and for the first time in a long time, not only did Justin feel truly safe again in Brian's arms, Brian truly felt as if he was able to keep Justin safe in his embrace.