All Mistakes Are Temporary

by vamphile

Post 513 Not everyone is as happy as they thought they'd be about the decisions they made.basically Season Six, in which the characters return to the people we liked before CL destroyed them.

3. Chapter 3

Chapter 21

Justin moved slowly, as he headed towards the bathroom. His body felt as if he'd just run a marathon, or been in a fight, and he grimaced as he realized that maybe he'd just done both. His feet still hurt especially against the cold tile floor and he realized that a bath was probably a safer option than a shower.

Brian appeared in the doorway just as the water filled the tub. He dropped his jeans and lowered himself in, pulling Justin in with him. They both laughed.

Justin leaned against Brian's chest and felt the older man's arousal as he pulled his body to him. Brian picked up the bar of soap. "Shhhh" he whispered in Justin's ear, although he hadn't made a sound. "Let me take care of you." And he began moving the soap across Justin's chest, making lazy circles of suds. His hand moved lower and Justin let out a little moan.

Justin turned his body, wrapping his legs around Brian's waist and grinding their matching hard-ons against each other. Brian gently pushed Justin back until he was nestled into the nook in the tub, designed for just such a position.

Justin's hand dropped into the water and he winced, as the wound got wet. Brian lifted his arms, and put them on either side of the tub. "I'll handle this." And he hit the button that started the jets. Justin moaned again as the pressure of the water hit his back, and ran across his belly teasingly. He writhed a little under Brian's gentle ministrations. He was desperate for release but Brian put it off for a while as he continued to move the soap, hitting every spot on Justin's body, gently washing his knees, which were bruised and scabbed. Paying specific and careful attention to those areas that showed the damage from the previous day.

Eventually Brian lifted himself out of the tub and picked up Justin, who was now limp. "Putty in my hands." Brian whispered into his ear, and carried him back to the bed, where he laid him down almost reverently, and watched as the sheets beneath him became a little darker with the dampness from his body. He then crawled across Justin carefully.

Brian surveyed the almost entirely limp boy, and was gratified that there was one part of him that couldn't be described as anything other that rock hard. He kissed Justin gently but passionately and then his mouth began to move lower, nuzzling at his neck, finding the spot on his right ear that with a simple tongue swirl could make Justin whimper. "Brian." It came from the back of Justin's throat and Brian smiled and moved lower, focusing on Justin's nipples. "Mmmmmm, you know, I kind of miss you're nipple ring."

"I'll get it pierced again if you want." Justin said, his voice shaking with desire.

"I think you've done enough damage to your body at the moment." Brian said, licking again at the ever-hardening nub. He moved his mouth to the other nipple, swirling and sucking but never biting. Justin's back arched, as his chest rose to meet Brian's mouth.

Brian moved slowly, savoring the clean and yet increasingly musky taste of Justin's skin. Kissing down his chest until he reached his navel. Brian slowly circled it with his tongue, sucking at it, and then plunging his tongue in the way he'd eventually plunge himself into Justin. Justin's response was immediate and wanton, his head thrown back; he gripped the sheets beneath him, and cried out.

Brian moved lower, licking just the tip of Justin's cock, watching a small bead of precum emerge, and then licking it again. He took the whole of it in his mouth, down to the base, and then slid his lips back up, releasing it.

"Brian!" this time it was pleading, almost a wail.

Brian moved back up to Justin's mouth, kissing him, and then whispering, his hot breath against Justin's ear. "Shhhh, now I have to start all over."

Justin's eyes flew open, and he remembered their first morning back together. He moaned.

Brian smiled, and began again at Justin's neck, moving slowly back to his nipples and Justin's body seemed to melt into the mattress, his hands raised above his head gripping the pillow with a death grip, trying not to spontaneously come as he watched Brian's head move slowly down his body.

Brian had no plans to do anything quickly. His movements were languid. It took all of his control not to simply plow into this beautiful blonde, whose very taste was more addictive than anything his disco-pharmacologist could provide, but he also knew that Justin was sore, that it would be a while before Justin was back on his feet, literally, and almost as long before he was back on his knees. This left Brian in control, a place that he was perfectly happy to be. He continued his torturously slow ministrations as Justin's body wriggled beneath his mouth and ever wandering hands.

He positioned himself between Justin's legs, licking at Justin's thighs, his hands stroking the back of Justin's legs and rubbing his ass until he pulled his perfect thighs over his shoulders and he ran his tongue along Justin's crack. Justin pushed his body forward, and made a soft keening noise. Brian used his hands to open Justin just a little bit, letting his tongue flit over his puckered hole. Justin tried to buck, to impale himself of Brian's tongue, but Brian's soft hands were denying him such freedom of movement.

Brian's tongue continued to tease Justin, licking and flickering against him until finally he plunged his tongue into the puckered ring. Justin's moan was deep, primal and involuntary. His body bucked with pleasure and Brian continued to fuck Justin with his tongue, while Justin tried to formulate thoughts, and then gave up and simply grunted with unrestrained pleasure. Brian's hand snaked around Justin's thigh and he simply covered Justin's hard member with it, not moving it, just letting Justin feel the heat. Justin tried to move against it, to generate the friction he so desperately wanted, but Brian lifted his hand just a little. Justin understood all too well the rules of this game and stopped moving; when he was still again Brian put his hand back down. Justin fought the urge to grind against it, knowing it would be counterproductive to his goals at this point.

Brian's tongue continued it's little dance for a while until he couldn't torture the boy any further.

He moved slowly, taking Justin back into his mouth, sliding his lips all the way down the shaft and back up again, and then raised his body over Justin, offering Justin's mouth a finger. Justin took it and sucked it as if it were Brian's cock, and then Brian offered him a second, and Justin understood, he sucked on them until Brian slowly put a third finger into Justin's mouth and Justin tried to hold back as he considered what was to come.

Brian's wet fingers moved down his side, and Justin lifted his hips and Brian moved them along his ass, and slowly he pushed one inside. Brian's mouth was back on the head of Justin's dick, sucking hard, but only at the head, his tongue running along the ridge, making painfully beautiful swirls on the sensitive flesh. Brian's fingers were deep inside Justin now, and Justin's hips were riding them, as Brian's mouth opened and he let Justin thrust against the back of his throat, all the while fucking himself on Brian's fingers. Justin's rhythm increased as his passion did until he couldn't hold back any longer. When Brian felt the change in rhythm his free hand began to gently fondle Justin's balls, caressing them with deft fingers until Justin shot into his mouth, and he swallowed, continuing the movements of both hands, letting Justin come hard and long.

When he felt Justin's body relax, the entire body now looking like it was melting, he pulled off of him. Justin wanted to turn, to curl up against Brian but he wasn't sure he could move, his legs were still shaking, his body so relaxed he felt boneless.

He turned his head and looked at Brian, who had a very satisfied grin on his face. Justin smiled back and Brian leaned in to kiss him.

As Brian moved to get closer to Justin, the blonde realized that Brian was still hard. He moved his body to get in better position to reciprocate the sensations Brian had just provided him, but Brian shook his head, moving his hand slowly down his own chest, Justin just watched with passion darkened eyes as Brian brought himself to orgasm, shooting against his own chest. "This one was all for you Justin." He whispered and Justin knew that here, in this moment, he'd found perfection.

Lindsay was walking outside with Gus, listening to him ramble on about the exciting new adventures of Sam and Shelby when her phone rang. It was Melanie.

"Don't hang up."
Lindsay sighed, "What do you want?"
"I want to talk. Just to talk."

"About what?"
"About us."

"There is no us anymore Mel, there can't be."
Melanie's heart constricted at the resigned tone in Lindsay's voice as much as at the words, "There will always be an us because we have a family."

"Mel, I…"

"Lindsay I'm sorry, and I know that nothing I say will make what happened okay, but this can't go on, we need to be able to talk, I miss you and I miss the kids."

"You get them every other weekend."

"That's hardly the same."

"Mel, what do you want me to say?"
"Nothing, I don't want you to say anything, I just wanted to know if maybe we could…"

"Could what Mel?"

"Could be friends."

Lindsay considered the words carefully. "I miss you Mel."
"Can we meet, somewhere public, just you and me?"

"Not today, maybe later in the week."

"Whenever you say, I just want to see you."

Lindsay nodded, and then realized how silly it was to nod at a phone. "Do you want to talk to Gus?"
"Of course."

"It's momma." Lindsay said as she handed the phone to Gus, who started the entire story about Shelby, the lizard, Sam and the ocean all over again.

They continued to walk across the grass, JR on Lindsay's hip, Gus chattering away to his momma and Lindsay deep in thought.

Michael and Ben had to admit that they were impressed with what Ted and Blake had done with the place in such a short time. The floor plan was exactly the same as Deb's but somehow they made it feel spacious and modern. The walls were all neutral shades of sand and beige, the kitchen had been completely redone in updated stainless steel appliances and Light marble countertops. They'd replaced all of the carpeting throughout the downstairs with a light hardwood that made the rooms flow together.

The furniture was contemporary but not obnoxiously so, (at least that's how Ted put it).

The second bedroom had been converted into a study with cherry barrister bookcases and a large desk with state of the art computer equipment. Blake, it turns out was a bit of computer geek. There were actually two machines and two work areas because the least compatible thing about Blake and Ted were their computer preferences. Ted had always been a Mac user and Blake swore by his PC, and thus rather than try to compromise, after several heated debates, each had agreed to simply accept that the other was a freak, and created the two computer spaces.

The true owner of the house was Blue. The dog was protective of her house and owners and spoiled rotten. Michael and Ben found it cute, and obnoxious at the same time.

"So Justin just started breaking all the dishes for no reason?" Ted asked, "Wow, that must have pissed Brian off."

"He didn't look pissed." Ben said, "He looked fucking terrified."

"Brian, terrified? I don't believe it."

"Trust me Ted." Michael interjected, "I've seen Brian angry, this wasn't anger."

"Well, Christ, is Justin okay?"
Ben shrugged. "I guess we would have heard if he wasn't"

"Unless Brian is just pacing back and forth in a hospital refusing to call anyone"

"Michael, stop that, Brian would call if something were really wrong."
"Would he?"

Ben and Ted both seemed to consider the question for a moment.

"He wasn't scheduled to be in the office today, cause they would have just been coming back from New York last night, but he's got a meeting with the Rapkins people tomorrow, I guess I can ask him if he's okay then."

"Ask him if he's okay?" Blake said, "Would he give you an honest answer."
They all looked at each other and in unison said "no."
And then they laughed.

"Brian's been through worse than this with Justin, he'll be okay."
"Ben, you didn't see him when Justin was hurt, and that was before he admitted he even liked the kid, he was a wreck. What's he gonna do if Justin really isn't okay, send the kid packing and then go back to slowly killing himself?"

"Michael, I don't think he'd do that."

"Ben, I know Brian, he'd do that."

"I really don't think so Michael, I mean Brian and Justin seem to be in a different place now."

"Yeah, I noticed."

"Michael, is there anything Brian and Justin could do that would make you happy?"
"Well, Justin left for New York, that was a good start."

All three of them just stared at Michael. "Do you remember how Brian was while Justin was away?"

Michael pouted, "I just don't see what he sees in the little twink."

Ben laughed. "I think he's gone beyond twink status at this point honey, they've been together for almost six years now, and Justin is an accomplished artist in his own right, did you see the article on him in the paper? He's not in need of Brian's money, that's for sure."

Michael just grumbled. And Ben leaned in and pulled Michael forward for a kiss, "Why don' t you let Brian and Justin worry about Brian and Justin and you and I can find something else to worry about, I'll even let it be your choice."

Michael gave a half smile, "I can pick anything I want to worry about?"
"Sure."

"Well okay then." And the subject moved off of Brian and Justin and on to far more interesting topics, like Ted and Blake's consideration of showing Bluebonnet in the local dog show.

Justin woke up in a panic, but as he swung his legs to get out of bed he realized that there was nowhere to go. It still hurt to walk, some of the cuts on his feet had been pretty deep, and he was still pretty tired.

Brian walked into the room with a tray. "You're up."

Justin took a deep breath. "Woke up scared."

"Are you okay now?"

"Yeah, I think, just thought I'd try this new honesty thing."

"I like it."

Justin shrugged. "Besides, I'm stuck in bed cause of my stupid feet."

"It's not your feet that are stupid."

Brian had been up for about an hour, and had used his time productively. He'd picked up the prescriptions at the nearest pharmacy, and then swept up the mess in the kitchen. He'd even managed to get rid of most of the blood in the foyer before making a couple of sandwiches.

"Here" he said, motioning with the tray "I brought you breakfast in bed."

"It's 7:30 at night"

"So it's a late breakfast."

Brian put the tray down on the bed and sat on the other side of it.

Justin looked at the sandwiches dubiously "what are the odds I'm gonna be able to get out of eating this?"
"If you want something else I can order pizza or Chinese."

"That's not what I meant."

"The last thing I remember you eating was pizza, the night before last. So the odds of you not eating anything are nil."
"I'm really not hungry."

"I understand that, but new rules say it doesn't matter, you have to eat."

Justin picked up the top piece of bread from the sandwich and inspected the contents.

"It's turkey, just eat it."

Justin ate the bread in his hand, and Brian decided that for now, that would do.

"I picked up those prescriptions the that Dr. McKenzie ordered." Brian moved to the foot of the bed. "You're supposed to put this on your feet knees and hand."
Brian began applying the antibacterial stuff to Justin's feet, which made him giggle. "Brian! That tickles."

"Sorry sunshine, doctor's orders."

He tried to be careful but Justin's feet were extraordinarily ticklish and the blonde was giggling by the time he was applying the stuff to his knees.

"Christ, you really did a number on yourself."

"Well, I guess I don't do things half way."

"Nope, that was a full-blown meltdown."

"It was stupid."

"Stupid happens." Brian shrugged.

Justin was eating the sandwich in component pieces. He would nibble on a slice of tomato, and then move on to a slice of turkey. Brian didn't care how he ate it, so long as he ate.

Once his knees were done Brian sat up on the bed and took a bite of the sandwich he'd made for himself. "Hey."

Justin looked up questioningly.

"You gonna be able to keep this down?"
"I'll try."

"Do you realize that you've lost over 20 lbs in a little more than 3 months."

"Some people would kill to be able to do that."
"And some people can die from doing that."

"Brian I'm not gonna die."

"Not if I have anything to say about it, but I gotta ask you a question."

Justin just looked at him.

"Was this ever on purpose, were you making yourself sick?"
"What?"
"The whole eating thing, was it a control thing or…"

"I am not anorexic if that's what you're asking."

Brian just shrugged, he believed Justin, but so much of the research he'd done had pointed to the possibility he felt like he had to ask. "Are you lying to me?"
"Didn't I promise not to lie anymore?"
"Yeah, but it's such a longstanding habit with us."

"You know, I'm beginning to not like this whole 'new honesty' thing."

"You'd better get used to it, because I'm not letting anything like this happen again."

"You do know that you're probably blowing this whole thing out of proportion, I mean you could be accused of queening out over it."

"Yeah well you weren't there."

Justin took a deep breath, "I guess maybe I wasn't."
Justin finished half of the sandwich and pushed the rest away, "Brian I really can't…"

"Okay, half is fine for now, you'll be back up to your insatiable appetite eventually"

Justin laughed, there are still some things I have an insatiable appetite for, and he leaned over Brian, as if to kiss him, but at the last minute grabbed his bottle of beer from the nightstand and downed most of the bottle in a single pull.

Brian laughed.

"C'mon, I'll take you downstairs and we can watch a movie or something."

"You can't carry me around, it's pathetic."

"Well, you're not walking on my hardwood floors with that goop all over your feet."

"So get me a pair of socks."

Brian handed a pair of socks and drawstring sweatpants to Justin. Justin pulled them on slowly, obviously still a little sore. Brian scooped him up and carried him to the den, while he protested, but not very adamantly.

They spent the rest of the eveneing arguing over weather Luke and Leia ever had sex with each other, Brian believed that they did before they knew they were brother and sister, but Justin found it too squicky to contemplate and thus disagreed.

It was well after midnight before Brian handed Justin an Ambien.

Justin wrinkled his nose at it. "I don't want it."

"I wasn't asking if you did."

"I'll sleep fine."

"I'm taking the word fine out of your vocabulary, you're no longer allowed to use it."

"You can't just ban random words from my vocabulary."

"Sure I can, here's a few, Fine, Sorry and Perfect." All three, gone."

"Well, your Perfect cock is going to be sorry that it will never be granted entrance into my fine ass again if you're going to be that way."

Brian laughed, "You really want to play that game?"
"No. But I don't want you to get to power hungry with this whole rules thing either."

"Okay, very few more rules, but taking your prescribed medication is one of them."

Brian put the pill on his tongue and wiggled it leaning in for a kiss.

Justin looked at him "that's gross."

Brian kissed him, passing the pill into Justin's mouth. "Gross?"

"It's more fun with E"

"Well, we'll try that on a day when standing isn't more than you can handle."

"Brian."

"Mmmmmm?"

"If I sleep tonight to I have to take one tomorrow too?"
"We'll see."

"Is that just what you're saying so you don't have to argue with me anymore?"
"We'll see."
"You're enjoying this power thing way too much."

"We'll see" Brian raised his eyebrows suggestively. He stood up, and carried his sunshine to bed.

Brian went back downstairs to give himself a much-needed respite. He'd been on an emotional roller coaster for the last couple of days, and while he could keep a strong outward appearance most of the time, eventually he just needed some "Brian time". He wasn't at all sure he was up to the task he'd committed himself to, but he knew he wasn't up to the task of losing Justin and so of the two, he picked the one that seemed easier. Didn't make it actually easy though.

He lit a joint and sat in the dark, contemplating what to do next. It was a couple hours later that he finally slid into bed, Justin was sleeping hard, but not so hard that he didn't curl up around Brian as soon as he was under the covers.

The next morning Brian had come to no conclusions except that he needed to take some time off. He called Cynthia. "Have the Rapkins people talk to Ted, and Bruce, he's doing the buying for the TV spots anyway, and clear my calendar, I won't be back 'til the 20th." "Brian that's 10 days."

"Wow, thanks, I was really having trouble with the math"

"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."

"Is Justin okay?"

"Justin will be okay, I just need some fucking time off, can you do that?"
"Fine."
Cynthia hung up the phone and he thanked god that she was able to shrug off his moods after all these years, or he'd have spent a fucking fortune in flowers.

Justin had caught the last half of the call. "You're taking ten days off, can you do that?"
"No, my boss will probably fire me."
Justin hit Brian with a pillow.

He swatted it away. "It's either that or I have to hire some big beefy nurse to carry you around the house…your choice."

"Would he be hot?"
"No SHE wouldn't"
"So, you or nurse Ratchet, hmmmm."

Brian hit him with a pillow again, "Shut up and tell me what you want for breakfast."

"I…"

Brian gave him a sharp look.

Justin sighed, "Cereal's fine."

Brian nodded and brought him a bowl of froot loops. Mocking him the entire time he ate them for both the name and the ridiculous colors that it turned the milk. "Only a fucking faggot would want pink milk for breakfast."

"I didn't want pink milk, I wasn't hungry"

"For a guy who's not hungry you sure are scarfing it down."

"Well I wasn't hungry, then the fruity goodness got to me."

"You realize there's no actual fruit or anything resembling fruit anywhere near that cereal right?"
"Mmmmmm hmmm, your point?"

Brian just rolled his eyes. "So, what do you want to do today?'

"Promise you won't get mad?"

"No."

"Then I'm not telling you."

"Fine" Brian rolled his eyes, "I won't get mad."

"I want to go through the stuff in the boxes. And why do you get to use the word fine if I don't?"

"Because I haven't abused the privilege. And no, we're not going through those boxes today. We will, but not today. What's your issue with those fucking boxes?"

"What's yours? I'd think you'd want to get your stuff put away."

"It is, it's put away neatly in all those boxes."

This time it was Justin who rolled his eyes. "Can you at least promise we'll do it before you go back to the office?'

"No."

"We will."

Brian just ignored him.

They invited Lindsay over for the day, explaining that with Justin laid up he could probably use the company.

Lindsay arrived a little after ten with JR. Gus wouldn't be home from school until one, and then she promised to make them lunch, which was a great relief to Brian who had used up his entire cooking repertoire with the sandwiches and cereal.

Lindsay met Gus at the bus stop and brought him back to visit with his dad and Justin.

Gus made them watch the Empire Strikes Back again, and Lindsay agreed with Brian about Luke and Leia, which made Justin realize why it was the two had become such good friends in the first place. Once Gus fell asleep for his afternoon nap, which, he swore he was too old for until the moment his head hit the pillow, and JR was put down for a nap as well. Brian and Lindsay regaled Justin with stories of the insane people they'd roomed with in college.

Justin loved to hear about Brian when he was younger; it made him feel somehow closer to him to think that he had once been a stupid kid, almost as stupid as Justin had been when he first met Brian.

Eventually Lindsay took the kids home for dinner and baths and Brian and Justin entered into a marathon game of monopoly that ended with Justin owning everything and Brian naked.

Chapter 22

After five days together Brian and Justin were both sick. They were sick of strip monopoly, sick of strip trivial pursuit, (although Brian was surprised at how much useless knowledge the punk kid had in his head), and almost sick of each other.

The men were debating between Chinese and Pizza, and they were definitely sick of both of those options, but Justin still wasn't okay standing for more than a few minutes at a time, which made cooking impossible. Lindsay was usually there to help with lunch, but they'd eaten just about everything edible in the house, and were out of ideas for dinner. Justin tried to say something about skipping dinner entirely but Brian's face made him stop mid sentence. He wasn't in the mood to argue, he'd eat something, even if he couldn't hold it down. It was still an effort.

They were arguing over nothing in particular when the doorbell rang.

"Mikey, so nice of you to stop by, uninvited."

"Well, we figured you would be sick of all your take out options so we brought you Burgers, and Fried chicken." Michael raised the greasy bags and the chicken bucket enthusiastically.

"And Thai" Ben said, leaning in with a bag.

"Mikey, how nice of you to stop by uninvited." this time there was no sarcasm in Brian's voice, and he moved to allow the couple entrance.

They followed him to the den.

"Well, if you brought the Thai food then let me provide…"

Brian went into a drawer in his desk and removed the silver canister with a flourish

"The Thai stick."
They laughed, and spread the food out on the coffee table while Brian expertly rolled a couple of joints.

He took a toke and passed it to Michael who inhaled deeply and tried to stop coughing. "Shit, this is strong."

Brian said nothing but honestly wished that Mikey would remember that he only bought the good shit. Michael always ended up wasting the first toke. Michael passed it to Ben and Brian raised an eyebrow as he watched the professor take a healthy amount into his lungs. "Why professor, I didn't know you indulged."

"I'm not this paragon of virtue you all seem to think." Ben said smiling, as he passed the joint to Justin, who inhaled deeply and then passed it back to Brian.

Brian took a hit, and then another before passing it along, the second hit he shared with Justin, who shared it right back, until there was very little smoke to exhale.

Brian loved getting stoned that way, more than just the almost kiss was the fact that the amount of oxygen one took in from someone else's exhale just made the buzz hit faster and stronger.

"You know." Ben started, "there are entire religions based around the use of marijuana to achieve a feeling of closeness and openness to the world around them."

Brian snorted, "Yeah, that's why I get stoned, to be one with the world."

"You get stoned because then you don't feel guilty about eating fried chicken." Michael said.
"That too."

Soon they were all baked, and digging into the billions of calories spread across the table.

Ben was sitting next to Justin now, and trying to explain to him the importance of being balanced and centered. Brian was lounging on the floor, Michael leaning against him. "You know you're boyfriend's full of shit."

"He's my husband."
"You know your husband's full of shit."

"Yeah, I do." Michael laughed,

"You know your twink is a drama princess."

"He's my…Justin."

"You know your Justin's a drama princess."

"Yeah I do, I think he may have even graduated to drama queen last week."

Justin, hearing his name turned, and when he heard the last part of the sentence he stuck his tongue out at Brian, which struck the man as so funny he had a difficult time not laughing.

Justin decided that if anyone could settle the argument about Luke and Leia, it would be Michael, so he brought up the subject. Which led to a long monologue by Michael about the force and how Luke would have instinctually known it wasn't right between himself and Leia, and then he was putting in the DVD to illustrate his point with specific scenes. Which only made Brian glare at Justin, until they both started laughing.

Ben was still trying to prattle on about some deep spiritual bullshit but he got sidetracked by the idea of oneness with everything and started to go off on a tangent about oneness with people being different than oneness with inanimate objects or animals. Ben wasn't making any sense, but Justin found it oddly calming to just listen to his voice, maybe it was because he's heard no one's voice but Brian's in so long.

"I've got it!"
Brian yelled and Justin startled.

"Do you have syphilis again?' Justin asked, because if you do…" he waggled a finger at Brian.

Brian dismissed Justin's finger waggling with a glance. "I know what we should do with the dungeon."

"You have a dungeon?" Ben asked.

"We have a parlor, but he likes to call it the dungeon, I think we should make it a library."

Brian threw down a piece of chicken, "if I keep eating like this I'm gonna get all old and fat, we need to build a gym."

"Yeah, but we should put it in the unfinished room in the attic, or finish out that part of the basement, we can't turn the parlor into a gym."
"Why not?"
Justin shrugged, "it'd be tacky."

"You think I'm tacky?" Brian tried to look hurt, he was honestly too stoned to be anything other than amused.

"No I think…." Justin was seriously stoned, "fuck, I don't remember what I think, but if it'll get you to go through those boxes, I'll say okay to a gym."

"We'll just put the boxes in the attic."

"What boxes?" Michael asked.

"Brian's loft is in the parlor."
"I thought Brian's loft was here in the den." Ben said.

"No, this is loftesque. The actual stuff from his loft is in the parlor, and he won't go through the boxes."

"There's probably some really cool shit in there." Michael said.

"Nothing I need." Brian shrugged.

Michael rolled over so he was lying almost on top of Brian. "Brian, that's your stuff, from your home, you're just willing to give up all of that?"

"Mikey, its just stuff, that I don't think about until blonde boy over here starts nagging."

"I don't nag, that's your department." Brian stuck his tongue firmly in his cheek and smiled. "You nag, you just don't do it as well as I do."
"Pfft, you just think that you nag better because you think you do everything better."

"Not everything, you're a much better…bottom."

Michael, in his hazy state of mind caught a nuance of this "better? As in you've compared?"
"What?" Brian looked at Mikey. "Well if he's better then you must know how you'd do so when do you ever bottom huh?"
Justin smiled, wanting to se how Brian got himself out of this one, and Brian suddenly wondered when Michael had become insightful… he'd have to keep the good shit away from Mikey if he was going to actually start getting a clue when he was stoned.

"In college" Brian said, rolling his eyes.

Justin bit his lip, he would love to argue the point but if he ever ever ever wanted to fuck Brian again, he knew he could say nothing.

"Oh" Michael said, letting the subject drop. Brian heard a sort of low murmuring sound, and realized Ben was still talking, at length, to no one in particular. "Christ, no wonder he's tenured, anyone who can go on for that long about nothing must be a brilliant professor."

Now it was Michael's turn to laugh uncontrollably. When he finally pulled himself together he said "well, he has equally good stamina in bed, so I just ignore him when he starts rambling."

Brian nodded knowingly. "I agree, when they start rambling in bed, it's best just to ignore them or shut them up."

"Hey!" Justin said, "I don't ramble."

"No, you babble."

"I don't babble either."

"So then, Daph and I were going to the mall but she forgot all her money and my wallet was in the car but when we were checking out the stuff at banana republic we came across this killer sweater and I wanted it but she said it was better for her and then…." Brian rambled in a poor imitation of Justin, using a falsetto voice and a speaking manner more like Gus's than Justin's.

Justin threw a pillow at his head. "Like you never say odd things in bed."

Brian gave him a warning look.

"What does he say?" Ben asked, pulled out of his little diatribe on the condition of the hybrid potato crops.

Brian looked at Justin, waiting to see what he would reveal, as he casually took another hit, without removing his hazel eyes from the blue ones across the room.

Justin shrugged. "Nothing, he just mumbles grocery lists and random advertising mottos in his sleep." Brian smiled; sometimes having a …Justin who could lie well was handy.

Michael shrugged, taking another hit before passing the weed back to Ben. "That's nothing, I've heard him rattle off the entire starting lineup for the Steelers."

"When did I do that?"
"One of those nights after seeing your dad."

Brian shrugged again. My dad would never shut up about the Steelers, it's like he never got over that time during the war when there weren't enough men so the Steelers and the Eagles had to merge. He talked about it like it was the fucking end of the world."

Brian sat up, reaching for something…he finally found it and took a long pull off a bottle of beam.

Justin was going to say something about not drinking right out of the bottle but decided against it and went back to slouching, eyes half closed, and letting Michael and Brian reminisce.

They did it oddly, Michael bringing up stories, Brian correcting his version of them, and then the two of them agreeing, seemingly only upon who they hated in school, (everybody), who they had thought was hot, (Patrick Hannigan and Tony Rinaldi), and which teachers were gay (the gym coach and their 11th grade science teacher).

Justin was trying to pay attention but he couldn't. "I need chocolate." He said, getting up to go and find his stash in the studio. Brian would never admit it, but he couldn't resist chocolate, and so every time Justin bought any it was gone, that's when he'd started locking it in the studio fridge.

The minute he stood up he realized it had been a mistake. A pain shot through his foot. He sat back down.

Brian looked at him suddenly concerned "Are we out of chocolate?"

Justin laughed, "No, it's in the studio fridge."

"Give me the key."

Justin shrugged "I think I left it upstairs."

Brian sighed "fine." He got up and walked over to a videocassette box that was in the drawer under the TV. The case was for the movie "chocolat."

"Um Brian, I wanted actual chocolate, not a movie about a guy who eats chocolate, even if it is Johnny Depp."

Brian just looked at him and opened the case to reveal ghiardhelli dark and milk chocolate squares."
"You hide chocolate from me?"

"You lock YOURS in the studio."

"That's because you eat all of it if I don't."

"You're the one that eats all the chocolate, that's why I hide mine from you."

"I can't believe you're keeping chocolate secrets, that's just so wrong."

"And I can't believe you won't share your hazelnut milk chocolate bars with me, and keep them locked away, that's wronger."

"Wronger isn't a word."

They two continued to bicker until Ben broke in.

"Hey, hey hey! You two are missing the most important point."

Both Brian and Justin looked towards Ben.
"There is chocolate."

They both laughed, and Brian poured the silver and gold wrapped squares over the coffee table. They all leaned in to take one, and Brian padded up to the kitchen, retrieve glasses and the gray goose from the freezer. Some people insisted that chocolate went with milk; Brian knew better, chocolate required ice-cold vodka to be savored properly.

When they awoke the next morning they were both a little hung over.

"Last night was nice, it's good to see you and Michael getting along again." Justin said

"I think he may have actually grown up."

"Right because that was the problem HE was too immature."

"Are you calling me immature?"

"Take it as a compliment."
"Whatever, I'm just glad Michael is off your case."

"Uggggh, I so don't feel like getting out of bed."

"We don't have to."

Justin moved himself against Brian, savoring the feel of their skin against each other. "Mmmmmm, you're right we don't. I don't actually even remember coming to bed last night."

"That's because you took your Ambien with a double vodka, and I had to carry you."

"Sorry."

"You're not allowed to use that word."

"I apologize" he made each syllable distinct."

Brian kissed the top of Justin's head, because it was the part of him closest to his mouth at the moment. "I think the gym idea was actually a good one though"

"I still think it should be in the attic room."
"Fine, but I want to get started, I can't just skip the gym for weeks every time you have a breakdown."

Justin leaned up on one arm and looked at Brian. "Do you really think I'm gonna have another breakdown?"
Brian shrugged, I'm just saying IF you did, I'd hate to get fat because of it, or lose my muscle tone."

Justin settled back onto Brian's chest. "So who does one call when one wants a state of the art work out facility installed into their home?"

"One does NOT call Gregory, I don't need all my equipment to be color coordinated and named after fruits and vegetables."

"I'll do some research today after I'm done in the studio."

"The studio?"
"Yeah, it's been a while, and I really should start back to work, you know, there is the possibility that my things will sell enough to warrant a second show sometime in my life."

"But you're not gonna do that thing again right?"
"What thing?"
Brian rolled his eyes, "That thing where you almost kill yourself."

"Oh, that thing…no, I tried that, it pissed a lot of people off."

"Okay you go work in the studio, I'll research what we need for a good home gym."

They both continued to lay in bed, neither moving.

"You know, I think we actually have to get out of bed to do those things."

Brian rolled over on top of Justin, "then fuck the research and the studio."

Justin leaned up to kiss Brian, and was still amazed that even his hangover morning breath tasted sexy.

Hours later Justin went to the studio, his feet feeling a little better. He sat down and contemplated his next piece.

Brian tried to pretend that he was okay with Justin being in the studio again, he knew he should be, but he was still worried. He idly scrolled through the Williams Sonoma site until he found the pattern they had and ordered more dishes; he'd been meaning to do that for almost a week.

He really did think putting a gym in the house was a good idea, but he just couldn't summon the energy to even start researching the project. He was deciding what the first step should even be when the phone rang.

"Were you even going to tell me something was wrong?"
"Mother Taylor?"
"Don't play cute with me Brian, let me talk to Justin."

"He's in the studio."

"Just go get him."

Brian knocked on the door, but Justin probably couldn't hear it, the music was blaring. He tried the knob. It was unlocked. Surprised, he walked in and handed Justin the phone, It's your mother, she's pissed.

"Hi mom."
"Don't hi mom me, when were you going to tell me?"
"Tell you what?"

"I was talking to Daphne and apparently you've been sick and didn't bother to even let me know."
"I haven't been sick, I had…" Justin wasn't sure what he'd had.

"I was exhausted, and I guess the pressure of the show got to me."

"Exhaustion does not cause you to require stitches in your hand, or for Brian to take ten days off to take care of you."

"He took off because he wanted a vacation."

"Justin don't bullshit me, I'm your mother."
"Really? I'd forgotten." Justin was trying for glib, Jennifer was in no mood.

"I'm coming over to see you today."

"Today's not good, I'm working."

"I thought you were taking time off."

"I took time off, now I'm back working."

Jennifer sighed, "Justin sweetie, I worry about you."

"I'm fine, I promise."
"Why don't we meet for lunch tomorrow."
Justin's heart felt tight, his breathing shallowed. "Not tomorrow, we've got plans."

"Well, then Sunday lets have brunch."

"Okay why don't you bring what's his name here, we'll have brunch, you'll see I'm fine."

Jennifer was silent for a moment.

"Mom?"
"What's his name and I aren't together anymore."

"Good"

"Justin."
"Right, I'm supposed to be upset by this. Lets pretend I am."

"Justin!"

"What do you want me to say?"
"Say that 11 is good for brunch."

"11 is good for brunch."

"See you on Sunday."

Justin limping only slightly brought the phone back to Brian. "We're having my mother for brunch the day after tomorrow."

"Sunday brunch with the in-laws, how…"

"It's just her, she broke up with that kid."

Brian chuckled, "I can not believe you have an age issue thing after your mother was most un-mom like about you and your gross old boyfriend."

"No one ever thought you were gross or old."
"Right they just thought I was 'inappropriate"

Justin shrugged "You were, but that's why you're so very irresistible"

Brian rolled his eyes, you know cute and flattering isn't going to make me feel better about brunch with the mother in law."

"What would make you feel better about it?" Justin asked absently as he looked over Brian's shoulder at the gym equipment on the screen. "I like that one." Justin pointed.

"Good to know, and what would make me feel better is not having to be here."

"You don't, she's mad at me for not calling after the um…thing"

"Thing?"

The thing where I broke all the plates and lost my mind"

"Oh, that thing, yeah, you probably should have called her, you're a terrible son."

Justin laughed, "Fuck you, she's madder at you."

"Oh, then I'll definitely stay for brunch, nothing beats eggs benedict and nagging, they're a magnificent combination."
"Shut up I'm gonna make a quiche."

"Well yeah, quiche and nagging complement each other well, um, what were you planning on using for plates."

"That's kinda why I'm out here, we need to go back to the store."
"I just ordered them online, they'll be here next week."

"Brian we've been eating off of paper plates all week, or out of take out boxes, I can not serve my mother brunch on paper plates."

"Can you serve her out of a takeout box?"
"You know where there are probably dishes?"
Brian gave him a warning glance, knowing where he was headed with this. "Where?"
Justin leaned in and nibbled on Brian's ear, whispering "In the parlor."

"Fuck you" Brian swatted him away. "Go back to the studio, I'll go buy us a fucking box of dishes, but now we're going to have service for 16, and that's just overkill."

Brian grabbed his keys and his wallet and headed to the garage.

Justin went back to the studio, he was going to stretch a canvas for a large piece, he felt like it had been years rather than just days since he'd last been in the place, but that was also because sometime in the past week Brian had let the Magdalena in and everything was so neat, all the overflowing ashtrays and empty water bottles were gone.

The room was dusted, and everything was put where it belonged. Justin lit a cigarette, grabbed a bottle of water and locked the door. He lost himself in thought as he stretched the canvas. Brian obviously had some issue about the boxes, or what was in them, and Justin was too curious to let it drop, but he wasn't sure how far he could push him right now. He'd put him through a lot since they'd been back together. On the other hand, he really thought a library would go well in that space. Much better than some dusty old boxes full of god knows what.

Justin pulled the quiche out of the oven; his feet practically healed now. He was cutting up some fruit, and pouring the juice from the carton into a pitcher when the doorbell rang.

Brian opened the door to an ambush.

Justin served the food and they were all sitting and eating in silence when Debbie started. "When the fuck were you going to tell us?"

"Deb," Jennifer put a hand on her arm,

"No, fuck respecting their privacy, Brian, you should have told us."

Brian had been waiting for the outburst, the moment he saw Deb at door with Jennifer he knew that this may be more of a lynching than a brunch. He would have left if he didn't think that they'd simply jump on Justin instead, and while he seemed to be recovering, Brian wasn't sure how much double team mothering Justin was up for, so he threw himself on the grenade.

"I had it under control." He said keeping his expression blank.

"Brian, no one doubts that you think you can control everything but I'm his mother, I had a right to know."

"What was I supposed to do Jen?"

"Well, you could have tried a fucking phone call asshole" Deb broke in "I had to hear it second hand from Ben."

"So are you worried about Justin or just pissed off that you were out of the loop?"
"Both!"

"Honestly Brian" Jen cut in "you could have called. I would have been happy to help."

Brian rolled his eyes, "I was busy."
"Busy taking care of Justin. I'm his mother, I could have helped."

Justin sat in silence toying with the food on his plate. "I'm fine."

"Oh sweetheart we know you're fine now, but we're still worried. I was thinking maybe you should go see a counselor."

Brian's watched Justin react, he withdrew into himself. Brian had brought up the idea of making an appointment with a counselor earlier in the week, and had been making some progress towards getting Justin to agree. All of his progress disappeared the second Jennifer mentioned it.

"I'm not going to see a counselor, I'm doing just F…" he glanced over at Brian. "I'm doing very well thank you all for caring." Justin's voice was cold and clipped.

"Hell Sunshine, you'll be great, your stronger than anyone gives you credit for." Deb broke in.

"I still think maybe you need to see a professional." Jennifer said softly.

"Mother Taylor" Brian said, trying to keep his voice neutral. "Why don't you just drop the counselor thing, it's Justin's decision."

Jennifer sighed, but dropped the subject, recognizing that she'd hit a nerve.

And with that both Debbie and Jen turned their attention back to Brian.

Almost ten minutes later Justin couldn't take it anymore, Brian's patience was coming to an end, all the warning signs were there, his eyes dark, his jaw clenched and his expression blank, and getting more bland by the second. Everyone was so sure that he was crazy, that he was some little kid who couldn't take care of himself. How did this become Brian's fault, he was the one who fucked up. Justin pushed himself away from the table.

"I'm fine! Brian's the reason I'm fine, maybe the only reason, and the two of you can't leave him alone. Why don't you leave us alone, just leave!"

Justin was almost crying, when he stormed off.

The scene struck a painfully familiar chord with Brian who followed Justin upstairs.

He found him sitting on the edge of the bed, crying, his body shaking. Brian put the violent thoughts about what he'd like to do to Deb and Jennifer to the back of his head as he sat down next to Justin. "You here?"

Justin looked up, wiping his eyes with the edge of his sweater. "What? Oh, yeah, I'm here."
"Mothers, they just never give up."

Justin gave a half smile "Why do they always blame you?"

"Cause it's usually my fault?"
"Oh yeah, I forgot abut that."

"Twat." Brian pulled Justin against his side, "you want me to get rid of them?"

"You know they're not going to leave until they see I'm okay."

"I can get rid of them."

"Brian you can't have my mother and Deb killed."

"Are you sure, I mean, I know people, who know people."
Justin laughed again, leaning up to kiss Brian, "I'm fairly certain I don't want them whacked."

Brian leaned back against the bed, and Justin crawled on top of him, his need apparent in his every move and kiss.

Within moments, he pulled off his sweater, and then began to tug on Brian's. Brian raised his arms over his head to assist the blonde. Soon Justin was kissing down Brian's chest, nibbling and sucking on his abdomen, watching his muscles contract as he continued to kiss him.

Brian moaned, and pulled Justin back up to his mouth, grinding himself against the smaller man, feeling him respond with enthusiasm.

Justin climbed over Brian grabbing a condom out of the drawer, he returned, straddling Brian, and undid the man's fly. When Brian's cock was free of his pants, Justin opened the condom wrapper with his teeth, and slid it onto Brian's stiff member.

Then he raised himself up on his knees, not feeling any residual pain, focusing on nothing but his immediate need, and as soon as he had lowered his pants enough he impaled himself on Brian, leaning forward to kiss him, and then sitting back up and riding him with an urgency they both felt. Before long Justin had his fist around himself, Brian's fingers intertwined with his as he came. Brian felt Justin's body convulse, and watched as he threw his head back in release, the tears gone, his eyes wide and his lips parted and red.

Brian came just moments afterwards as he thrust again into Justin.

It took another minute for Justin's breathing to return to normal. He leaned in and kissed Brian again, murmuring, "thank you" into his ear.

When they came back down to the dining room they both looked a little rumpled, but far more relaxed. Brian smiled and took his seat; Justin cleared the plates and took requests for coffee or tea.

As he was making the coffee Brian kept ear to the kitchen, but allowed the two women to chastise him a little longer before he interrupted them. "Justin's doing his best, he just needs time, sorry if you feel left out but he's a grown man, if he wanted to tell his mommy, he would have."

Jennifer opened her mouth to reply but Brian interrupted her. "Excuse me while I go help Justin with the coffee."

Deb looked at Jennifer and shrugged, "he's got a point, Sunshine is a grown man."

"He's still my son."

"And you know I feel like he's mine too but what are you going to do? He's got Brian, he's always gonna turn to Brian.'

"You told me once Brian would finish with him."

"I was wrong, Brian's grown up recently too if you haven't noticed, they kinda grew up together."

Jennifer sighed, "He's still my little boy."

"I know."

They sat in silence listening to the muffled clatter of dishes in the kitchen.

"You don't think that they…." Jennifer trailed off.
"What, did a little fucking and sucking while they were upstairs? If they didn't Brian's changed more than I thought he could."

Jennifer rested her head in her hands, "Am I ever gonna get used to this?"
Deb shrugged, "I don't know, but if you don't, you'll never get to see your son, and is that what you really want."
Face still in her hands Jennifer shook her head, and then straightened her shoulders and met Justin's smile with one of her own when he and Brian returned with the coffee.

"Brian, I'm sorry, I do trust you, and sweetie…" she turned her attention to Justin, "I just worry about you, I'm a mom, it's what I do."

Justin walked around the table and kissed her cheek. "Thank you."

He leaned over and kissed Deb as well, "both of you."

While Justin and Brian were facing the wrath of the mothers at brunch, Lindsay was dealing with her own issues, having agreed to meet Melanie for lunch. She left Gus with Michael and Ben, who were already watching JR and drove to the restaurant Mel had chosen, unsure of what to expect, or what she was going to say.

Chapter 23

The restaurant was quiet, so were Mel and Lindsay. Neither wanted to be the first one to speak.

The waiter left the breadsticks and poured the wine they'd ordered, as they continued to sit in silence, studying their hands, the menu, the fringe on the curtain pull, anything to avoid eye contact.

"I'm sorry."
Lindsay looked up, exasperated. "Stop saying that, it doesn't help."

"What would?"

"A time machine."

"I left that in my other purse." Melanie tried for humor, and missed the mark.

"Mel, I know you're sorry, you've always said you're sorry, the words mean nothing anymore."

Melanie sighed, "I just want us to be able to talk."

"So talk."

"I'm working for legal aide."

"That's nice, you'll really be able to do some good there."
"I hope so."

"Why didn't you just go back to your old firm?"
"I'm trying to make some changes. And I'm seeing someone."

Lindsay was silent.

"Oh, no, not like that, I mean I'm seeing a therapist, well, a new therapist."

Lindsay smiled half heartedly, "I think that's great."
"She's helping, with the anger, and the…"

"Violence?"
"Yeah, with the violence. It's been tough to admit to myself let alone anyone else that I did that to you, that I became that person. I'm on some meds now too, I think they're working."

"That's good."

"I just want to be able to see you, to pick up the kids at your place and not have to make the swap in a 'neutral environment."

"Ben and Michaels is hardly like having to pick them up at the Family Services building."

"You know what I mean."

"I do, but I don't know how comfortable that would be considering…" Lindsay trailed off.

"Brian."

Lindsay nodded, "You know Brian Mel, he's very black and white about things, and I don't know how he'd feel about you coming to see Gus at the house."

"I thought you weren't living in the house."

"I'm not, but I'm living in a house across the lawn, and Brian has been spending a lot of time with Gus and JR, he's really a part of their lives now."

"Fucking Brian."

"Mel."
"Sorry, I'm working on it, it's just difficult to understand how you can always defend that…"

Lindsay stopped her. "It's time to change the subject, because I'm not having this argument again, we've been having it for 10 years, and it's not going to change. Brian is part of my family. I'm not going to say another word about it."

"So how's Gus doing in Kindergarten?"
"He's loving it, and I'm running out of room on the fridge.

"So do you have any idea what the pictures are?"
"Sometimes I think I can make out a tree, but if I mention it, I'll find out it's a dog, or a house."

Melanie laughed. "I've got plenty of room on my fridge if you need to annex some space."

"I'll send some of his work with him next weekend."

"I'd like that."

"So what's going on over at legal aide?"
"Same old bullshit, people are trying to protect themselves and getting screwed over. I'm doing a lot of landlord tenant mediation."

The conversation began to flow once they got past actually addressing their issues, and when Mel leaned in to give Lindsay a peck on the cheek as they said goodbye, Lindsay didn't flinch.

"She's WHERE?"
"Stop yelling."

Justin had forgotten that Brian didn't know about Melanie and Lindsay's scheduled meeting, and when he mentioned it after Deb and his mother left, he should have been prepared for the outburst, but he wasn't.

"I'm not yelling. Where were they meeting?"
Justin shrugged, "Some restaurant, a 'neutral setting' is how Lindsay put it."
Brian shook his head and poured himself a scotch. "She's gonna get back together with Melanie."

"I don't think so."
Brian didn't say another word, he sat, pouring himself another and trying to think. He'd always hated Sundays.

His brain was spinning but his face remained blank. Justin knew the look well, and kissed Brian on the cheek.

"I'm gonna go do some work."

Brian nodded absently, and then glanced at the clock. It was only two in the afternoon. "Dinner at eight."

Justin wasn't ready to try their negotiation banter at the moment. The restrictions Brian was putting on his work, and his time were starting to grate on his nerves but he knew the man well enough not to enter a power struggle when he was mid brood. "Eight" Justin repeated and disappeared into the studio, lighting a cigarette as soon as he entered and contemplating the work he'd already accomplished on the piece.

Brian tried to pull his anger apart. It was something he'd learned years ago, when you were angry with too many people or situations at once, there was no way to manage the pain. No amount of drugs, or alcohol or sex could help. But if you separated the issues, made sure you knew exactly whom you hated, and why, then you could drown each one. Bury it deep beneath the joy of the orgasm, or the numbing relief of killing brain cells. He started with Melanie, she was easy for him to hate, she hurt Lindsay, she upset Gus, she was no better than his father. He poured himself another.

The rest was harder to untangle. He wasn't angry with Justin, well, not as angry as he was scared for him.

Justin was putting up a good front. He realized he'd pushed too hard, and he seemed to recognize the danger he'd put himself in. But Brian wasn't naïve enough to think that a couple of days of bed rest and some takeout had fixed the problem. The medication helped him sleep but he still woke up with nightmares sometimes. Brian still watched him crack his knuckles as if that was the key to all his problems. He'd seen Justin take on that same possessed look while getting brunch ready that he'd had the night of the dinner party. So whom do you hate when the person you need in your life isn't okay?

This was the one Brian had been struggling with. There was no one to punch, no one to hate, and no easy solution. Brian tried not to think about it, he lit a joint.

There was Jennifer. He wanted to scream, to stand in her face and yell that she wasn't helping, but she wasn't trying to hurt Justin. She didn't understand his aversion to therapists. They had been a symbol that something was wrong with him, when she first took him to one, as if there were something that needed fixing. And after the bashing all they had done was try to bring up pain he didn't want to feel, and then try to get him to accept the unacceptable, that his show of affection to the man he loved led to a bat to the head.

In retrospect, beating the shit out of every snotty straight guy he could find with the pink posse probably was far more therapeutic than anything any of those fuckers told him after the bashing. "Including me" Brian thought to himself, as he remembered all of the times he'd told Justin to simply forget about it, put it behind him, move on. He shook his head and started looking through the top cabinet of the entertainment system. It was barely reachable by Justin, and thus totally out of reach of Gus and JR. He found the vial and took a quick snort. He didn't use coke often, but there were times when feeling wired, without quite remembering why, was the best defense.

Moments later he felt a little better, and he stopped trying to pull apart the pain into separate piles, instead he simply forgot about the glass, and drank the scotch straight from the bottle while watching East of Eden and muttering every line under his breath with the actors.

Justin found him at eight, passed out on the sofa, the empty bottle laying discarded on the floor. He picked up the vial and put it away. The movie had been over for a while, but he hit play again, hoping that the soothing and familiar words would penetrate Brian's inebriation enough to make him feel a little more in control.

Justin knew this mode of pain management well; he'd seen it often over the years. It only happened when Brian couldn't control the things that were wrong, the things that were hurting the people he cared about. Justin knew rationally that this was about Melanie and Lindsay as well as himself, but he couldn't help feeling that if he had just been better about hiding it, better about taking care of it himself, or strong enough to leave, Brian wouldn't be doped to the gills and passed out in his own house unable to figure out what to do next.

He sat on the other side of the sofa and watched the movie, debating what to do to help the man lost in his own pain, but it wasn't his own pain, he took on everyone else's, and that's why it became too much for him to handle.

Justin went back into the studio and grabbed a sketchpad and a couple of pencils. He turned his back to the movie and sketched Brian as he slept, mouth open, arm flung off the couch, sounds that were almost but not quite snores rattling in the back of his throat, wearing a white t-shirt and black jeans, shoeless, Justin lost himself in capturing the peace in his easy grace that juxtaposed the slight furrow of his brow, which the artist knew meant that even copious amounts of scotch and pot, helped along with coke, had not managed to permanently kill the demons this man was currently fighting.

Brian woke up with a start several hours later to find Justin sitting on the floor, knees pulled up, sketch pad resting on them, his tongue sticking out just a little as he concentrated.

"Shit you're drawing me like this." He ran a hand over his face and through his hair.

"You're awake."

"Perceptive."

Brian checked his watch, it was after 11

"Did you eat something?"

Justin wanted to say yes, but he had promised not to lie anymore. "Do you want something?"
"Not hungry thanks. Did you eat something?" Brian wasn't so far gone he missed the fact that Justin hadn't answered the question.

"I'll eat tomorrow it's bad to eat this late at night."

Brian looked at Justin and wanted to argue but was too tired. He shrugged, "kill yourself, I'll only miss you a little." And with that he sat up and hit the remote to change from the DVD player to regular TV.

Justin sighed, and came back downstairs with two apples and a handful of cheese cubes. He handed Brian one of the apples. "You haven't eaten either."

Brian took a bite, and relaxed back onto the sofa, his feet on the coffee table.

Three days later Brian returned to work.

Justin cooked him breakfast, and did his best to hide his anxiety.

Everything had been fine, well, not fine, but easier, when Brian was there. Granted the whole 24/7 thing was beginning to feel confining, but at least he knew when he had and anxiety attack, or a nightmare, Brian would be there. It was time to go back to being independent, and he wasn't looking forward to it.

Brian knew that Justin was nervous, but he didn't want to make him feel like an invalid. He'd made strides during their house arrest, as they'd chosen to call it, but he still woke up with nightmares, even through the medication. He still had moments of sheer terror for no reason, while doing mundane tasks like throwing out a take out container or loading the dishwasher. He still ate sparsely, and refused to see any kind of professional. Brian knew that getting him back to have his stitches taken out on Friday was going to be difficult but that was Friday, and today was only Wednesday. He also knew that once he got back into the office he'd be swamped, he'd been fielding calls for the last several days from Ted, and Cynthia, and a couple of clients, and he'd managed to keep them all reassured that nothing was falling apart, but he wasn't so sure, and in truth he was anxious to get back to the office.

He'd seen every movie he'd ever bought, twice. He'd played strip Boggle, and strip Scrabble, and strip truth or dare, which wasn't really much of a game between the two of them, it mostly consisted of getting stoned, saying stupid things, getting naked and fucking, and while that was fun, very fun, eventually you needed to leave the cocoon and live again. He just hoped Justin was ready.

"Meet me at the diner for lunch today?"

"I'm sure you'll be swamped, and I've got some ideas that I'm dying to get started on in the studio."

Brian shrugged, he probably would be busy, he'd make time to meet Justin, but if he wasn't ready, well, he wasn't going to force the kid.

"Don't work too hard."

Justin kissed him, and Brian put his hand on the back of the blonde's neck, pulling him in for a deeper kiss.

Justin locked himself in the studio and breathed deeply. "I can do this." He kept repeating to himself.

He grabbed a bottle of water and drank most of it in a single gulp, refusing to acknowledge his irrational fear of being alone in the house. Cranking up the radio until he couldn't hear himself think, he got back to work.

That's how Brian found him when he got home 14 hours later. He'd called during the day, no answer. He'd resisted the urge to simply walk out of the office and drive home to reassure himself that Justin was okay. He'd tried to get out of the office early but every time he thought he was done someone put something on his desk that needed his approval or signature. There was a stack of phone calls to return, and a new client that wanted to set up a meeting ASAP. He plowed through all of it, gritting his teeth. Trying not to let his imagination take over, trying no to worry like a mother hen. He put up a good front until 10, then he simply slammed down the pile of documents in front of him, turned out the office lights and went home. He knocked on the studio door and Justin opened it, the music blaring. He was covered in paint.

"You stop for lunch?"

Justin smiled "The muse hit hard, I've gotten so much work done today. We should let Magdalena in here more often, it's nice to have a clean studio."

Brian tried not to glower, he failed and Justin saw this and took a step back. Brian hated to see Justin scared of him, but the first opportunity and he'd fallen back into his old patterns. Brian was less than amused.

"I'll make dinner now." Justin said as he turned off the stereo and headed up to the kitchen.

"I'll be back down in a minute." Brian walked upstairs, trying to push his anger back down, trying to ignore his fear. He changed into jeans and met Justin in the kitchen.

"I was going to make salmon, but if you want something else…"

Brian came up behind Justin and pulled him backwards, kissing at his neck. "You broke the rules." he whispered into Justin's ear.

A chill went down Justin's spine, not entirely unpleasant. "I was working. I ate breakfast, and look, now dinner, so…"

Brian turned Justin around so that they were facing each other, forehead to forehead; he rested his hands on Justin's hips. "You broke the rules." he repeated, trying to convey with his fingers, his eyes, his lips, his breath, his touch that they weren't rules for the sake of power, or fun, they existed to keep Justin safe.

Justin wriggled out of Brian's grip. He felt the intensity of Brian's feelings, and he understood, at least he thought he did, Brian's concerns, but skipping lunch was hardly a federal offense. And he said so.

Brian sighed. "Salmon's fine, I'm starving."

Justin put the fish on top of the chopped vegetables and seasoned them, then put the lid on the pan and turned down the burner.

"Should be ready in about ten minutes."

Brian watched carefully as Justin did all of this, mostly with his left hand. He'd learned to work around the bandage and the cut was almost entirely healed, he'd been lucky not to have suffered any nerve damage, and the stitches would be out soon.

Justin started to set the table but Brian came up behind him and grabbed the dishes. He pulled Justin towards the table and took the cramped right hand into both of his. He began a soft massage starting at the palm using his thumbs to relax the muscles. Justin leaned his head back and enjoyed the sensation.

"You're supposed to stop before your hand gets like this." Brian said quietly.

"You should see the work I'm doing, it's really coming out well." Justin said, his eyes still closed, his head back, reveling in the gentle feel of Brian's hands smoothing out the kinks in his fingers, straightening them and then intertwining their fingers together.

"Look at me."

"Justin opened his eyes, and lowered his head, meeting the hazel gaze head on."

"You've got to take better care of yourself."

"I will, as soon as…"

Brian dropped his hand, and stood up, getting glasses and silverware, but obviously agitated. "As soon as what? There's always an 'as soon as' with you. You need to take care of yourself now."

"I'm sorry." Justin said and Brian resisted the very strong urge to throw a glass at his head. "How many rules were you planning on breaking tonight?"
Justin wanted to apologize again but seeing Brian's white knuckles was honestly afraid the glass he was holding was about to shatter in his hand. He tried a different tack. "You're right. I guess I just got lost in the work, I'll figure something out so that it doesn't happen again."

"Well, you could have answered your fucking phone."

"Oh, I turn it off when I'm working really hard, that way there are no distractions."

"Get distracted."

"Okay, I'll leave my phone on."

"And you'll eat, every day."

"And I'll eat every day. But Brian I haven't gone a single day without eating since…"

"How long did you hold down breakfast?"
Justin was startled, he still had trouble holding down food sometimes but he'd been much better about it, and much better at not bothering Brian with it. But the honesty policy still stood so he answered "Almost an hour."

"So an hours worth of toasted blueberry muffin is what you've been using to build your strength back?"

"Today was our first day back from house arrest, it makes sense that I would be a little nervous, and that always makes the eating thing harder."

"Yeah, today was the first day back and you've already started to rekindle your love affair with bad habits."

"You're right, I'm…" Justin was about to apologize but the look in Brian's eyes made him change mid sentence. "I'm gonna be more careful, and I'll keep some food in the studio."

"Okay then."

Brian brought the glasses and silverware to the table and resumed his massage of Justin's hand. Several minutes later, Justin was able to pick up the pan and serve the food with both hands.

They were in the den watching the new Showtime series that had replaced "Gay as Blazes" when the phone rang, it was midnight. Justin answered.

"I have the perfect idea for the next issue."

"There's a next issue?"

"Sure, shouldn't there be?"

"I guess."

"What are you doing tomorrow at five?"

"Let me guess, I'm meeting with you to discuss ideas?"
"Exactly."

"See you at five."

Brian raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Michael has a new idea for Rage, so we're gonna have a story meeting."

Brian nodded, and put a blue pill on his tongue, Justin leaned in for a deep kiss, swallowing the pill, but not releasing Brian's mouth from his own for several more seconds.

"Have I mentioned that I don't mind taking my medicine so much anymore?"

Brian smiled and leaned in for another kiss.

He pushed Justin back against the sofa, pulling his shirt over his own head, and then pulling Justin's off as well. But rather than discard them he used the sleeves of Justin's shirt to bind his wrists, tying them to the frame of the sofa.

Justin's eyes opened wide, but there was no fear in them. His lips were parted and his breathing was shallow. His back arched naturally with his arms bound over his head, and Brian slowly removed the paint stained cargo pants, never breaking eye contact.

Justin was hard before Brian's hands even touched the Velcro at his waist, by the time Brian had thrown the thin khaki cotton to the side he was writhing and throbbing.

Brian pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and then released it, and Justin just stared, wanting to bite Brian's bottom lip himself. He squirmed a little as Brian leaned in against him, kissing up his chest.

"You broke the rules." He whispered into Justin's ear and a shiver went down Justin's spine.

Brian flipped Justin over, causing the shirt binding Justin's wrists to twist tighter around them.

Justin wanted to say something but he wasn't sure what.

Brian leaned in again, kissing at Justin's neck. When the blonde tried to turn his head to kiss him back Brian simply put a hand on either side of his head and laid his forehead back down on the sofa. He pulled a pillow off the back of the couch and slid it under Justin's hips, pushing his ass up in the air, and Justin had a pretty good idea of what was coming next. He arched his back, and whispered "please."

"Please what?"

Justin didn't know.

"Do you want me to stop?"
Justin knew. "No, don't stop."

Brian's hands were gliding gently up Justin's back, and scratched lightly as he dragged his fingers back down to Justin's ass. The sensations were indescribable and Justin's body was shaking, he tried to move his hips, to thrust himself against the pillow and when Brian saw what he was doing the pillow was removed.

"On your knees."

Justin struggled without the use of his hands, but pulled himself up to his knees, his cock leaking, his body needing whatever came next, needing to feel Brian's touch, rough, gentle, he didn't care.

Brian stood next to the bound boy, undeniably turned on by his body, by the soft tremble he could see, and his obvious need.

He leaned in to kiss Justin and then moved his head back to his ear, licking around the little shell like curl of it. And whispering again "You broke the rules."

Brian moved behind Justin on the sofa, kissing the spot between his shoulder blades, watching the goose bumps rise on Justin's flesh. He moved his head lower down Justin's back slowly, painfully slowly. He stopped occasionally, leaving a hot wet kiss, and then blowing across the area, raising the goose bumps again. He could feel the heat from Justin's body even through his jeans.

His mouth moved down lower, licking and teasing the very edge of the crack of Justin's ass. Justin moaned into the sofa, arching his back, wanting more.

Brian knew what Justin wanted, and wasn't ready to give it to him yet. He began to flick his tongue just across Justin's ass cheeks, never delving inside, taking little nips at his ass, watching the boy writhe and listening to the soft sounds coming from the back of his throat.

His hands moved up Justin's back again and scratched their way down lightly, as Justin's stomach muscles contracted with desire. Brian reached his hand around and lightly ran his fingers along Justin's dick and listened to him almost cry when his fingers moved on.

He finally spread apart his ass cheeks and licked, flicking his tongue quickly and lightly, teasing but never providing any real pressure.

Justin was desperate now, bucking backwards, but Brian just moved back further and soon Justin, his hands still tied to the base of the sofa, couldn't lean back any further, and he lost all contact with Brian. He cried out as if the loss of contact caused physical pain.

Brian stopped and began rubbing Justin's ass lightly, surveying his work. His cheeks were beginning to show small signs of the bites he'd left, and when he touched one Justin almost jumped at the touch. He planted a hot wet kiss on each cheek and then blew across it. Justin bucked as the cool feeling of air against the wetness left behind cooled his ass, which felt as if it were on fire.

Brian flipped Justin back over, this tightened the shirt around his wrists again, and Justin moaned. Brian leaned in, his full body, still denim clad from the waist down grinding against Justin. He kissed Justin and checked to make sure he was cutting off the circulation to his hands. He licked his ear and whispered again "you broke the rules."

Justin, back arched, body straining wanted to apologize, to promise he'd never do it again, to beg to be touched again but Brian, seeing him about to speak, leaned in and kissed him hard, his tongue invading, surveying, and then dancing with Justin's. He lifted himself off of Justin and moved his mouth down his neck, and onto his chest. He pulled a nipple into his mouth and bit, pulling the nipple with his teeth, Justin arched his back further, loath to lose even this slight contact.

Brian continued lower until his mouth was at Justin's cock. He licked at it, lightly. Justin whimpered and thrust up trying to invade his mouth, to create friction, to get some release. Brian grabbed the base of his dick, putting his thumb on the vein that ran along the bottom, stopping Justin from coming.

"You broke the rules." He said again in a passion deepened voice.

Justin was beginning to realize that this was going to be a very long night.

Brian continued his slow and methodical arousal of every inch of Justin's skin; to Justin it felt like days. Finally, when Brian didn't know how much longer he could hold himself back, he pulled a condom out of his pocket, lowered his jeans and slipped it on.

Justin wanted to cry he was so grateful. Brian lifted Justin's legs onto his shoulders and felt Justin's body trembling uncontrollably. He pushed into him, just a tiny bit, just past the first ring of muscle. He was far enough back on the sofa that Justin could not push himself any further back no matter how he tried. Brian stayed like that for almost a full minute, feeling Justin's body tremble and try to pull him inside. He looked into Justin's eyes and slowly, agonizingly slowly entered Justin, inch by inch, watching the boys eyes darken even further with desire. Watching him lick his lips and when he was about to open them and beg Brian leaned in again for a kiss, this time pushing himself into Justin to the hilt. "You broke the rules." He whispered again.

He raised his body again, and began to thrust in earnest, still ignoring Justin's leaking cock, moving his body to actually graze lightly but never quite hit his prostate, keeping Justin on the edge for as long as he could. Finally, he pushed in deeper, hitting the spot Justin had been waiting for, and after three thrusts Brian came.

He pulled out, and Justin whimpered again as he backed up, Justin's legs falling back onto the sofa.

He untied Justin's hands, and Justin's arms were around him as soon as they were free, his dick was still hard as he pushed Brian back against the sofa, straddling his denim clad lap, grinding against him, kissing him deeply. Brian felt the wetness on his face from the tears he's wrung from Justin but apparently there were no hard feelings as Justin continued to kiss him.

Brian's hands moved to Justin's ass to instinctively pull him closer. Justin's mouth was everywhere as he kissed Brian's neck, and chest, ducking his head to concentrate on his nipples. Justin felt Brian's harden again and he lowered himself to the floor, unzipping Brian's fly he took him into his mouth in one deft move, He felt Brian harden in his mouth and as soon as Brian felt himself slide down his throat Justin gave three consecutive swallows, causing Brian to buck against Justin. He tangled his hands in the blonde locks that were caressing his abdomen, and watched as Justin's head bobbed up and down over his cock, his tongue running along the bottom and swirling around the head before he deep throated him again, using his throat, his tongue and now his fingers to bring Brian to orgasm.

When Brian came, he moaned Justin's name, and Justin almost came just from the sound of it.

Justin swallowed as Brian shot. And when he raised his head and climbed back up to kiss Brian he reached for his hand, moving it onto his own erection, which had been too long ignored.

Brian took his hand off of Justin's cock. "Uh uh uh," he said in a slightly mocking tone. "You broke the rules." Justin's eyes widened, "Brian, you can't, that's not fair."

Brian stood up, taking Justin's hand, "Time for bed."
"I'll do it myself."

Brian sat back and watched, as Justin wrapped his fist fully around his shaft. He smiled and then removed the artist's hand. and took both of Justin's hands in his. "Not tonight. You broke the rules."

Justin had known there would be consequences but this was…" he tried to think of something to say, but there was very little blood going to his brain at the moment.

Brian laughed. "In the morning sonny-boy, I promise."

Justin pouted, unable to form a cohesive thought but unable to move much either. Brian leaned in and kissed him again, and pulled him off the couch walking backwards, leading the naked boy with both hands towards the bedroom.

Justin wanted to cry, and Brian could see the frustration in his eyes, but that was fine. The sleeping pill would kick in soon, and he'd crash, but until then, he needed to understand that there were consequences to breaking the rules.

When Justin finally lay in bed, his hand drifted towards his ignored erection, and Brian pulled him towards him. "You broke the rules."

Justin tried to snuggle close to Brian but all too soon Brian realized that what he really wanted was just to rub himself against his naked body. "Do I have to tie you to the bed?" he asked.

Justin pouted, and lay on his back, arms behind his head "I'll be good."

Brian leaned over and kissed his nose. "That's all I ask."

Soon Justin did fall asleep, his body returning to a relaxed state. And Brian just wanted to wake him with his mouth, feeling bad for denying Justin anything, but he gritted his teeth and tried to remind himself that this was for his own good.

Chapter 24

Justin awoke in a bad mood. He was angry with Brian for denying him last night. He knew that maybe he deserved it, maybe he had fallen back into his old habits, but dammit, Brian had never denied him like that before.

Justin vowed to himself that he would start paying more attention to his eating habits, to the cramping in his hand when he worked too hard; to how much time he spent in the studio. He was obviously upsetting Brian, and that was the very last thing he wanted to do, plus, he wasn't sure how long Brian could go without allowing him to come, but he really didn't want to test it.

All of these thoughts ran through his head as he idly played with one of Brian's nipples. Justin had woken in his usual place, leaning against Brian, one arm flung across his lover's chest, Brian's arm wrapped around his waist his hand resting lightly on his hip.

Justin's mouth moved to follow his fingers, as he licked at Brian's body, until he woke up.

When Brian awoke to find a nimble little blonde kneeling over him, tasting him as if he were a delicacy he smiled.

Justin felt the change in Brian's breathing and knew he was up, he was aware of just how up he was when Brian pounced, pushing him backwards onto the bed, kissing him thoroughly while their bodies melded together in a familiar but ever exciting perfect fit.

Justin let Brian kiss him, moving his hips in slow circles against Brian's erection. Brian knew the boy would wake up needy, but Justin's eyes made it clear just how deep that need was running at the moment.

When Justin wrapped his arms around Brian and rolled them over so he was on top Brian realized that Justin needed more than just to get off, he needed to feel in control, something Brian understood well. He allowed Justin to set the pace as the younger man's kisses became rougher, his nibbles almost bites.

"You give me a hickey on my neck and I'll have to think of something horrible to do to you" Brian said, feeling the light nips get a little less light.

"Something more horrible than last night?"

"Was it so very bad?" Brian asked, mockingly.

Justin stopped what he was doing to look into Brian's eyes. "Don't ever do that to me again."

"Don't break the rules."

Justin chose to ignore the statement; instead he reached across the bed for a condom. Plastic square between his teeth, Justin rolled them over again, Brian leaned back, ready to take the wrapper from Justin. Justin pulled it out of his mouth and held it slightly out of Brian's reach.

Brian could get to it easily if he tried, but he was interested in where this might be heading.

"I want to come."

"I'm trying to help you out here sonny-boy, you're the one holding up the works."

"I want to come while I'm inside you." Brian took in his words. He rarely bottomed for Justin and NEVER bottomed for anyone else, at least hadn't in years, but he saw the seriousness in Justin's eyes, and understood even more clearly now how much Justin needed to take control back. He was sitting up, straddling Justin and felt the boy buck his hips against him and he acquiesced.

Brian spread his arms out to either side. "I'm all yours."

He was almost blinded by the sunshine smile.

Justin took his preparations very seriously, he didn't want to hurt Brian, but he wanted to fuck him, and fuck him hard, claim him, remind him that he wasn't the only one who had the ability to take control when necessary, plus, he was really really horny.

He handed the condom to Brian, who rolled onto him, and then he lay on his back, reaching for the lube, handing the bottle to Brian.

He dribbled a little Astro-glide onto Justin's dick, not too much, he wanted to feel this, suddenly he NEEDED to feel this.

Justin's eyes didn't leave Brian's hands as he prepared the younger man's cock for entry, and when Brian was done Justin sat up and climbed behind Brian who was on his knees on the bed. He wrapped his hand around his narrow waist, pulling him closer as he pushed his dick into the entrance to Brian's ass. Brian's head leaned back onto Justin's shoulder biting his own bottom lip as Justin pushed himself inside.

Brian forgot sometimes how much he loved this feeling, being stretched from the inside, filled.

Justin removed his arm from around his waist and pushed Brian's torso away from him, Brian caught himself, a little surprised at the force Justin had used. On his hands and knees he felt Justin's soft touch run down his back, relaxing him, allowing him to adjust to the feeling of him inside.

Then Justin began to fuck him in earnest, hard, rough, leaning in to kiss his back, his neck, wherever his mouth hit. And Brian pushed back against him, wanting it harder, faster, rougher.

Justin changed his angle just a little and Brian's body convulsed, an actual cry escaped his lips before he clenched his teeth against such sounds. But Justin knew what he wanted and he wasn't going to stop until he elicited such sounds from Brian. He reached down to grab Brian's hard shaft, and in a move he'd learned from the master he applied a small amount of pressure to the vein at the base with his thumb.

Brian's eyes opened when he felt the pressure. His arms fell to his sides as his face dug into the pillow, and Justin continued to sweep the head of his cock against his prostate. Brian was crying out, the noises almost ripped from his body. There was nothing to think about now.

No Justin to worry over, no Lindsay and Mel to handle, no idiot fucking up another layout in the art department there was just the astounding sensation of Justin, and Justin's complete control over his body. He gave in, moaning into the pillow, reaching, trying to get Justin to release him but Justin's hand remained like the worlds softest cock ring.

Justin ignored Brian's hands, pushing himself deeper and deeper into his ass, wanting him to feel this tomorrow, next week, forever. He pulled almost entirely out and pushed back in full force, and when Brian was groaning, moaning out Justin's name, he leaned in and kissed his shoulder whispering into his ear, "do you want to come?"
"Yes" Brian said through gritted teeth.
"Are you sure?"

"Yes" Brian answered again

And with that Justin released his grip on Brian, pushing with all his weight into the man until he was flat, face down against the mattress, grinding against the sheets, while Justin pumped into him.

Justin felt Brian come first, felt his body tense and then release, and he didn't stop, he continued to move inside him, the head of his cock stroking at his prostate as the aftershocks made Brian's body tremble. And when Justin was sure Brian couldn't take anymore he came too, thrusting hard, his head thrown back in passion and pleasure. And then he collapsed on top of Brian's body, staying inside him a little while longer.

A few minutes later Justin rolled off of Brian, removing himself completely. He discarded the used condom and leaned over Brian's inert form to grab the pack of cigarettes and lighter that were on the opposite nightstand.

He lit one, laying on his back, ashtray resting on his chest. Inhaling deeply.

Brian rolled over, removing the cigarette from Justin's hand and taking a long drag before giving it back.

"Where the fuck did you learn to do that? Brian asked.

Justin just smiled one of his little knowing grins that drove Brian crazy and took another long drag before exhaling small smoke rings.

Brian smiled, perhaps the student really had become the master, and he decided to stay with that thought, because although by nature, he wasn't a particularly jealous man the thought of where and when Justin had learned such technique was not something he was in the mood to contemplate.

Brian got up first to shower, and Justin joined him shortly after. It was a really smart move to put in a second water heater, and they were both very relaxed, almost an hour later when they emerged, red skinned from the heat of the water and the flush of passion.

Brian was running late when he got into the office, not an easy task considering he was the boss, but he was met with a sheaf of messages, a stack of forms, three scheduled client meetings and the thought that he probably should have gone for a more padded chair if he was going to let Justin top him in the mornings.

Justin didn't even bother to put on shoes as he made his way down to the studio. His first instinct was to lock the door and get started, ignoring the small hunger pang he felt but then he remembered the vow he'd made to himself just a few hours ago, and the promises he'd made to Brian. He grabbed a yogurt and stopped in the den to pick up his phone off the charger, he would leave it on.

Brian called him at 11, and he answered.

Brian called him at 12 and he answered

Brian called him at 1:30 and he answered

Brian called him at 2:00 and he turned off his phone.

He stood back to survey what he'd accomplished so far and headed towards the cabinet for more cerulean. He searched and couldn't find it anywhere, he started to curse Magdalena when he glanced over at the four empty tubes laying crushed beside the easel and realized that he had run out.

He debated and finally decided that he would have to take a trip to the art supply store. He went back upstairs to grab a pair of shoes and his wallet and was halfway out of the driveway when it hit him. He was suddenly sick, he couldn't breathe again. "Fuck the radio's not even on" he thought to himself as he tried to relax.

He pulled back into the garage and got out of the car, kicked off his shoes and locked himself in the studio where he contemplated his sketches while smoking a cigarette and finishing off a third bottle of water.

When Brian came home at seven he found Michael and Justin at the kitchen table, sketches and scribbled story ideas strewn across the entire surface.

Brian kissed Michael on the cheek, and leaned down to kiss Justin in a less platonic manner.

"You turned your fucking phone off."

"You called me every fucking hour."

Brian just shrugged, "Sometimes I need to look busy so Ted doesn't start yammering about that fucking mutt of his."

"It's not a mutt, it's a purebred."

Brian grabbed a beer out of the fridge and silently held one out in offering to the two men at the table. Michael took one.

Brian opened them both and placed one in front of Michael and then sat across from Justin looking over the sketches.

"So what great acts of derring do is rage up to?"

"JT goes away to visit the his family on Kroyton, and Rage gets really aggravated but then when JT comes back he's opened up this vortex without realizing it, and because he doesn't have powers in the alternate universe, he's trying to keep up with Rage but he keeps getting pulled back into the vortex, only Rage doesn't realize it at first, and then eventually he falls so far that Rage has to rescue him and…."

Brian held up a hand, trying to stop the onslaught of Mikey's geeker joy. "How do the two of you come up with such original ideas?

Justin smiled, "JT's family blames Rage for the whole thing and he almost takes them out with his powers of mind control"

Brian just laughed. "You guys have dinner yet?"

"We were gonna order a pizza." Justin said, but I'll make something if you want.

"Pizza's fine." Brian let out a breath quietly, no arguments about food, out of the studio at a reasonable hour, and from the looks of it, his hand was holding up okay. Maybe Justin was actually recovering.

Brian got up to order the pizza, and then went back down to the den to leave the Zephyr and JT to their comic book.

He noticed that Lindsay's lights were still on and headed across the lawn to see if Gus was still up.

"Daddy!" Gus took a flying leap that almost toppled Brian, and did spill his beer on his new shirt.

"Shit."

"Brian. language."

"Sorry, Lindz, Hey, sonny-boy" he smiled. "Should have known better than to come over here without changing first." He said ruefully, Lindsay just smiled.

"So how was brunch with Melanie?" he asked.

Lindsay stopped picking up the toys she'd been tossing into a basket and turned to look at him. "Brian, you have to understand."

"I understand" he said, settling onto the sofa as Gus climbed on top of his lap. "If you two want to work things out, that's between you and Melanie, but the kids stay here."

Gus was reaching for his beer and Brian absentmindedly handed it to him.

"Brian!" Lindsay said as she saw Gus upend the bottle into his own mouth.

Brian looked down and laughed, taking the bottle from Gus "Not ''til your 16." he said, kissing the top of the boys head.

Gus made a face, "don't taste good."

"Doesn't taste good." Lindsay corrected.

"Then why does daddy drink it?"
Brian just looked at Lindsay amused, and while she tried to be angry, she couldn't "Because daddy is silly." was the best she could come up with, "now go put on your pajamas and I'm sure daddy will read you a story and tuck you in."

Brian rolled his eyes. But couldn't completely suppress his smile.

"JR asleep?"
"For the moment."

"So are you getting back together with momma?" he said the last word slowly enunciating each syllable, making his displeasure clear.

"No. She asked if we could meet to talk, and I thought it was a good idea." Lindsay busied herself picking up the rest of the toys scattered across the floor and tossing them into the basket.

"What is there to talk about?"

"Brian, we have a family, we have kids together, and I don't want them to grow up in a world where their parents can't be in the same room together without yelling. Is that what you want for Gus, or JR? Do you want them to grow up thinking their parents hate each other?"

Brian considered what she had said. He shrugged, which was the closest Lindsay knew, he would ever come to admitting that there had to be a space in the equation for Mel. "She hurts you again and…"

"She won't, I won't let it happen again."

Brian nodded and left it at that. Gus came running a few seconds later with his new favorite book "The Hungry Caterpillar."

Brian sat Gus on his lap and read it to him while the child fell asleep against his already ruined shirt. When he'd finished the book he carried Gus to his room, and put him to bed, kissing his forehead. Lindsay smiled, glad to be back in Pittsburgh, glad to have Brian be a part of Gus's life, glad to feel safe again.

She hugged Brian as he was leaving. "Thank you." Brian shrugged again, too tired to deal with the soppy emotional bullshit. He headed back to the house, hoping the comic book morons had saved him some pizza.

While they were climbing into bed that night Justin couldn't seem to stop talking about the new issue. Brian let him babble, he'd missed the enthusiasm Justin felt when he wasn't so intent on making everything perfect, he'd missed that light in his eyes when he was talking about something passionately.

Brian held up an Ambien to Justin, who just nodded, and Brian administered the medication in his usual manner.

After Justin had swallowed the pill Brian pulled him back in for a deeper kiss, needing to feel Justin's body against his, and Justin responded in kind. When they finally drifted off to a sweaty dreamless sleep they were both sticky, and sated, and Brian felt his body truly begin to relax, after what felt like years of tension.

Over breakfast Brian reminded Justin that he had a doctors appt to get his stitches out. Justin scrunched up his nose. "I hate that guy?"

"Why?"
Justin shrugged, "Just do."

Brian just lifted his eyebrows

"He can't leave well enough alone."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

Justin wanted to say yes, but he knew Brian was busy and it was just to get his stitches out, so there was really no need. "No, I'll be f… I'll handle it"

Brian smirked amused that Justin was finally removing the word fine from his vocabulary. "Appointment's at 4:30, want to meet me in the city for dinner after?"
"We're supposed to be at Deb's tonight, it's Friday."

"Forgot, tell you what, I'll meet you there?"
"See you at 7."

Justin examined his hand, he hadn't needed to bandage it for the last couple of days unless he was in the studio, and it looked pretty much healed. He wondered what it would take to pull the stitches out himself and avoid the doctor's visit. He put the thought out of his head, and started to head out to the art store, breathing deeply and intent on doing this without a fucking panic attack.

He made it halfway there and pulled to the side of the road, cursing, yelling, pacing beside the car, unheeded tears rolling down his cheeks, his heart racing, trying to catch his breath.

Eventually he ended up leaning against the car, hugging himself and wondering how fucking crazy he might be.

Shakily he got back in the car and returned to the house. Once he was in his studio he considered how to finish the painting without cerulean but couldn't. He'd have Brian pick some up for him later. For now he started on a smaller canvas.

Brian called at noon.

Brian called at three, and was relieved to hear him answer while crunching on something. Eating without prompting was a good sign.

Brian called at four to remind him about the doctor's appointment.

Justin took his usual position when considering his newfound insanity, as he liked to think of it. He was on the stool in the studio, smoking a cigarette and gazing at nothing in particular.

It was 4:35, he'd missed his doctor's appointment but he couldn't face getting in his car, just to have to turn back again. He examined his stitches again and made a decision.

He dug through the drawer in the bathroom sure he'd seen one, and was rewarded with a tiny pair of scissors, designed to cut nails, or nose hair or something. He turned on all the lights and concentrated fully on cutting below the knots on the stitches.

Getting the first one out was tricky but once he'd figured it out the second two were far easier. He rinsed his hand, put the scissors back, and felt like he could breathe again.

He looked at the clock; he had over an hour before he had to leave for Deb's. He invaded Brian's stash and rolled himself a joint, smoking it slowly, and then mixing himself a gin and tonic. Another joint and two gin and tonic's later he was relaxed enough to face dinner with the family.

Brian arrived a little after seven to find Emmett and Ted deep in conversation about the latest in small dog apparel. He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to prevent the headache he felt coming on.

When Michael and Ben arrived, obviously in mid tiff Brian knew the evening was going to be a long one. Lindsay and the kids arrived, JR in a finicky and cranky mood. Brian stepped outside to have a cigarette when he saw Justin pull in.

Justin stepped out of the car, happy to see Brian. The drive hadn't been too bad but he'd had a few close calls with the anxiety.

"Brian" Justin practically leapt into his arms. Brian pulled the blonde closer and kissed him tasting cigarettes and…

"What the fuck?"

"Justin was kissing Brian's neck "Mmmmmm?"

Justin you're drunk.

"Puhlease. I had a drink, I'm not drunk."

Brian put a hand on each of Justin's shoulders and held him at arms length so he could see his eyes. "And stoned."

"Needed to relax" Justin shrugged, dipping under Brian's arms to lean in closer and kiss his chest.

"Brian closed his eyes, head back, trying to push his anger aside. "What the fuck are you doing coming to Deb's stoned."

"Brian, you're ruining my buzz."

Brian shrugged and draped an arm over his shoulder, "c'mon, you're gonna be one of the few people who will be able to eat enough to make Deb happy tonight."

Ben and Michael maintained a tactical silence throughout the meal while Emmett talked to Ted about the possibility of putting blue in a feather boa for her next show.

Brian watched Justin eat like…well, like he had the munchies, and left just after dinner.

Justin hung around for only a few more minutes then followed Brian back to the house.

Brian was pouring himself a second scotch when he heard Justin pull up.

Justin poured himself straight vodka and sat down on the sofa next to him.

"You know I don't want to become your fucking mother"

"Don't marry my dad."

"I actually have to tell you not to drink and drive, or smoke most of my weed and drive?"

"No, I'm a big boy Brian, I can figure these things out for myself."

Brian ran his hand through his hair. "So are we gonna just replace bad habits with different bad habits?"

"You might be blowing this out of proportion, just a thought"

"You might be one sick little boy who needs to pull it together. Just a thought."

"You know what? I ate today, I worked a little, I did what I had to do and now the Great Brian Kinney is going to go all-hypocritical on my tight little ass? Fuck you!"

"How was your doctors appointment."

Justin knew he was fucked.

"Didn't go."

"You have to get your stitches out."
"Took 'em out myself."

"Wow, I missed the part when you when to med school."

"Fuck you Brian." And with that Justin stomped upstairs and lay in bed gritting his teeth and wishing Brian had never been born.

Brian came up a moment later.

"You know, you tell me to fuck you, to fuck off, to get fucked, and then you walk away. Last time I checked I had to actually be in the room to fuck you."

"Last time I checked you've been fucking me over since I came back."
Brian stood stock still in the doorway. He'd given everything to Justin, and if it still wasn't enough, if after six short months the kid was frustrated and unhappy again, this was it, it was never going to work.

Justin looked up and caught Brian's expression, right before he shut down completely. "Oh fuck, Brian, I didn't mean that. He got up off the bed and stood on tiptoes to wrap his arms around Brian's neck, to pull him closer.

Brian remained expressionless as Justin clung to him, neither acknowledging the contact nor responding to it. Until he felt Justin's tears against his shoulder and he walked him back towards the bed.

They sat in silence for a while, side by side, heads touching, thighs touching, fingers entwined, tongues tied.

Finally Justin spoke first. "I had a bad day, and I took it out on you. I'm … I shouldn't have."

"Yeah well, it's not like I've never done the same to you."

"But that's less reason for me to have to do it, I know how much it hurts."

"Well, then don't fucking do it again." Brian said as he stood up and began undressing, he was still in his suit, as he'd come straight from the office.

Justin lay back expecting Brian to climb into bed, they did some of their best talking and best making up in this California king sized therapy aid. But he pulled on jeans and a black wife beater and walked out of the room.

Justin realized he'd gone too far, and he debated. He had two options. He could ignore the issue; Brian may never bring it up again. The problem was that even if he never brought it up again, he would add it to the list in his head of reasons why he should pull away from Justin. Justin wasn't really in the mood to deal with a cold and distant Brian. The other option was that he could follow him downstairs and force the issue, tease him into admitting that they were both over reacting and then fuck him into the sofa as they made up.

Justin decided he liked the second idea better.

Brian was exactly where Justin assumed he'd be. Very very stoned, and halfway to drunk. Jim beam, straight from the bottle, never a good sign, perhaps, the most dangerous animal on the earth was a shoeless Brian with a bottle of beam, but Justin was determined.

"Brian I'm sorry."

"You're not allowed to use that word."

"Oh would you fuck the rules for a minute and let me say…"

"No, the rules are there so that you don't fucking kill yourself until you don't need rules and figure out that you have to take care of yourself for yourself, because you yourself are yourself."

Justin tried not to laugh but Brian wasn't making any sense and his speech was slurred. He wondered how much he'd smoked before he got home.

"Brian." He tried again

"NO! Don't just say my name like you know it goes straight to my cock and then act as if you didn't break like forty major rules today."

"I don't even have 40 rules, how could I break that many."

The drunk shoeless, Jim beam from the bottle Brian put his face just inches from Justin's. "The rules are IMPLIED."
Justin wondered if now would be a bad time to point out that just because something was implied didn't mean the person would infer it, but decided that this was not a good time to argue semantics.

"It's implied that I'm not allowed to touch your stash?"
"It's implied that you have to go to the doctor when you have an appointment, not pick the stitches out with a fork."

"I didn't use a fork"

"Well that's good, cause I thought we were gonna have to buy all new forks."
Justin had an urge to leave; Brian was making very little sense, and getting less sensible by the second.

"You're supposed to go to the doctor so he can tell you important things, that matter, and are important, like that you need to see a shrink cause you're fucking crazy, and that you need to put on weight because you're fucking skinny, and that you need to fuck me more often because you're fucking hot."
Justin stared at Brian for a full minute before they both started laughing uncontrollably. This was probably, in some sense, an important emotional breakthrough for Brian, but hell, he was drunk and Justin was laughing, and they could get rid of their clothes in mere seconds.

So Brian fucked Justin into the sofa, and in the morning, they decided that shoeless Brian drinking Beam straight from the bottle would have to be only an occasional guest, because while he was great in bed, even if his kisses were a bit sloppy, he was a danger to all of their cool stuff when he tried to juggle.

Chapter 25

Justin followed the rules. He ate, he slept, he took his medication, and yet Brian still seemed to be retreating from him.

Brian no longer seemed to care if he ate or not. Brian no longer following him up to bed, holding him until he fell asleep. More often than not, somewhere around midnight he'd crawl into bed, only to become aware of Brian's presence at three in the morning. Justin wondered what Brian was doing until three, but when he asked he got a shrug, or a random "working on an account" excuse.

Justin was up and in the studio early most mornings, but he no longer blared the radio, he listened for the distant brunette's footsteps in the kitchen and joined him for at least a morning cup of coffee. Brian didn't seem to care.

That was the thing that had Justin so upset; Brian no longer seemed to care. All the pretty words, all the "I want you to be happy and healthy." had been about crisis prevention, pain management, being in control. None of it, Justin thought seemed genuine because once he was okay again, or at least some facsimile thereof, Brian stopped giving a shit what Justin did.

Brian watched Justin go through the motions. He slept, he ate, he made a point of letting Brian know that he was doing these things. Justin was so busy proving that he was following the rules, that Brian was pretty sure that the boy had lost sight of why the rules had been established.

It wasn't that he didn't care about Justin's health, he did, and seeing the blonde put on a little weight, and lose the dark circles under his eyes was a good thing. What he did care about was Justin's motivation. It seemed like a nitpicking point. If he was taking care of himself, who cared why? Brian had always been a firm believer in the ends justifying the means, but this was different. Justin didn't care if he ate, or slept or worked himself into a point of complete exhaustion. The only thing he seemed to care about was proving to Brian that he was doing these things. Justin was taking care of himself to make his…Brian happy, not because he was at all concerned for his own well-being.

Brian couldn't admit, even to himself how much that scared him. When he'd given up his parental rights to Gus, he'd done it with an absolute sense of rightness. He was giving Gus two parents who loved him and cared about him, and making it clear that in the end, counting on him was not in Gus's best interest.

He knew that Justin loving him and counting on him was not necessarily in the artist's best interests, but he did it anyway. The problem was that Brian wasn't sure how much of his love he could handle without feeling as if the whole world was crashing down upon him. He could take care of Justin, and he would. But, lately he couldn't help but wonder, why Justin didn't have any desire to take care of himself beyond pleasing Brian?

Justin's love had always been a frightening thing for him, and lately he felt as if it were life and death, as if he were holding Justin's future sanity and safety in his hands because Justin had handed it to him.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts. The alcohol was making him maudlin and introspective, two things he hated. He knew he'd begun to withdraw, it was what he was good at, and he knew that Justin felt it, and it was a vicious cycle. He'd withdraw; Justin would try harder, so he'd withdraw further, refusing at this point to praise him for doing what he was supposed to do. (eat, sleep, not drink and drive) and so Justin tried even harder until it seemed most of the younger man's actions were about making Brian proud of him, or happy, but not about his own self preservation.

The one thing he did feel better about was that Justin was reconnecting with the outside world.

Jennifer had come for lunch on Tuesday. Justin and Daphne had been hanging out a lot lately. The friends had ended up talking so late into the evening, catching up that he found them both crashed on the bed in the guest room the next morning. Emmett even seemed to be around more often, spending afternoons keeping Justin company as he talked about the show and the work he was contemplating. All of this was good, and healthy, and positive, but lately, Justin seemed reluctant to leave the house. Brian wondered, with all the rules Justin was so careful to point out his adherence to, if he were breaking a main one, the honesty, and lying by omission part.

They both got out of the shower, orchestrating their morning with an easy rhythm. Justin had slept a little later than usual today, and Brian had gotten up a bit earlier and so they had some quality time wet naked and soapy.

"Hey, can you do me a favor?"

"You want me to blow you right here? I just did that five minutes ago."

Justin snapped a hand towel at Brian in mock exasperation.

"No, I need you to stop at the Paint Loft on 5th and pick up a few things."

"That disgusting store full of pretentious starving artists and housewife cum wannabe painters?"

"It won't kill you, and I wasn't planning on going into the city today"

"Of course you weren't" Brian mumbled as he watched Justin pull on studio clothes while he finished putting ridiculously expensive product in his hair.

"What?"
"Nothing, give me the list, I'll get what you need."

Justin handed him the list and a credit card. "What the fuck is this?"

"Method of payment." Justin gave him his best "duh" face and tried to find a pair of socks. The studio floors got cold lately; tile did that in Pittsburgh in October.

"Justin, you know I actually have one of these of my own."

"I pay for art supplies, then there's no issue as to…"

"Whatever."

Justin was hurt, but didn't say anything; he hated when Brian cut him off, and felt as if Brian was angry with him simply for trying to show some independence.

"This is a very detailed list."

"Yeah, if you give it to Oswald, he'll get everything you need, you're not gonna have to search around for stuff yourself."

"You don't trust me?"

"I trust you, I'm just trying to save you time."
"And why can't you get this stuff, at the place in Havertown?"

"Because they don't have the pure cobalt, they have to order it, the one downtown actually carries it, and I need it, I've got to get this piece finished."

Brian shrugged, pulled on a pair of pants and shoved the note into his pocket. "I'll stop on the way home."

"Thank you."

Justin leaned in to kiss Brian, and Brian accepted the kiss without really returning it.

He grabbed his jacket and briefcase from their spot in the foyer and yelled over his shoulder, "I'm gonna check in at the diner for breakfast. See you tonight."

Justin heard the 'vette drive off and breathed a sigh of relief. He had tried four times in the last week to get to the store himself and each time had failed. The pure terror that sometimes still woke him in the middle of the night seemed to overcome him in the car now. He felt as if the Ambien just held it at bay and never really stopped whatever was after him from coming.

Brian considered the list in his pocket. He had gone art supply shopping with Justin a few times. He'd never gone voluntarily but every once in a while Justin got sneaky, swore he just needed to run a single errand, and before anything else could even be said, Brian was staring, bored, at tubes of paint, and canvas stretching paraphernalia. The only reason he put up with it was the reverent joy Justin experienced in the store. It was as if there was nothing in the world but the potential that all of those supplies presented. He was surprised, to say the least that Justin had asked him to pick the stuff up, and even more surprised at how long the list of things he needed was, as he was usually stocking up on something three or four times a week.

Brian thought back. Two weeks ago, they had been at Deb's for dinner, Justin stoned, and drunk, Brian angry and worried. After that, Justin had gone to see Michael…no wait, Michael had come to the house to pick up sketches. And Emmett had come to visit a few days later and stayed for a drink before he left. Then Justin had mentioned lunch with his mom…but he'd talked about what he'd cooked.

Brian couldn't remember any time since dinner at Deb's two weeks ago, when Justin had left the house. He shook his head, knowing he'd been withdrawn since that night. He probably just hadn't been paying attention.

Brian gave the list to Cynthia, asking her to call the store and have them get the stuff ready so he could just pick it up. He tried to concentrate on the new account Kinnetic had acquired but he couldn't think of an interesting angle. He looked at some of the ideas that others had come up with and tossed them aside, they were worse than his.

The day went along tediously as Brian tried not to wrack his brain to come up with the last time that he knew Justin had left the house. He couldn't remember, the only one he could think of was Deb's.

After work he stopped by Woody's for a drink, and found what he was looking for, Emmett.

"Hey stranger, haven't seen you in forever."

"Busy."

"So I hear."

Brian just looked up questioningly

"Justin. He says you've been nose to the grindstone for weeks."

"You talk to Justin a lot?"

"Well, not as much as you do sweetie." Emmett said. The last thing he wanted was for Brian to do one of his "non-jealousy" acts.

"No, I think you may talk to him more lately."

"Trouble at casa de bri-tin?"
Brian gave him a withering look "Fuck off."

"Brian, you know, Justin would talk to you if you were more…available to him."

"Brian waved to the bartender for a refill and mumbled something under his breath.

"Didn't quite catch that."

"Emmett what the fuck is wrong with him?"

Brian had to give Emmett credit, he hid his surprise well, and dropped the full flame tease he'd been doing when he realized Brian was asking him a real question.

"Brian, what makes you think I'd know?"

"Because you two are friends."

"I think you're a little closer to Justin than I am." Emmett was hedging and Brian knew it.

"This is bullshit, you talk to him all the time, you pry shit out of people almost as well as I do, so if there's something to know, you fucking know it."

Emmett dropped all pretenses. "He's scared."

"What the fuck is he scared of?"
"Honey, I don't think he knows."
"how can he not know?"
"He's scared of a lot of things, Brian, have you really talked to him, I mean since the um…"

"Incident?"
"If that's what you're calling it."
"No, he won't talk to me."

"Well then maybe you should talk to him."

"And say what?"

"Well, I'm not one to say what goes on behind closed doors."

Brian shot him a glance

"Okay, I'm one to always say what goes on behind closed doors, but let me ask you this, Mr. Cold, distant, and I'll take care of everyone's problems…how much do you listen?"
"That's the third fucking time you've told me to talk to him or listen to him. I don't have time for this crap, I've got to go pick up a bunch of shit at the art supply store before I hit the gym, so why don't you tell me what I'm supposed to be listening for. What the fuck am I supposed to be talking to him about?"
Emmett shrugged.

Brian dropped money on the bar and left.

Emmett followed him out "Brian, he needs to talk to someone, but he's scared and he's afraid to tell you because he thinks you're going to push him away, in that 'very special way you have', so he tries, and now he's spending the same energy trying to prove he's okay as he did trying to hide that he wasn't."

"He's not okay."

"I know that, and you know that, but I don't think our little boy knows that."

"Fuck. Emmet, one other thing…you repeat this conversation and…"

"I know, I know, you'll have my balls, or my dick, or kick my ass, or sew my lips shut, I get it, confidentiality is my middle name."

Brian walked away swallowing a nasty retort about other middle names that might be more appropriate.

It was well past nine by the time Brian got back, he'd burned off a lot of energy at the gym, and made two important decisions, the first was that they were going to put a home gym in soon, the place had been crawling with trolls and lesbians today, the second was that he and Justin were going to the art supply store together tomorrow before dinner at Deb's.

Justin was in the den when Brian came down in jeans and a sweater. He was sketching something and kept staring up at the TV as if it were going to provide divine inspiration, then he'd look back down at the drawing and start working again. Brian sat next to him and tried to figure out what he was watching but it was anime without subtitles.

Justin looked up when he had gotten the line drawings in.

"Hi."
"Hi."

Brian leaned in and kissed Justin, moving the sketchbook and pencil to the coffee table.

"How was your day?"
"Boring, yours?"
"I got some great work done on the new issue."

Brian began massaging Justin's hand, something he hadn't done in a while, and Justin felt a surge of hope go through him.

"Did you get that stuff I needed?"

Brian had hoped he'd get more than a couple of minutes before they had to get into this, but apparently not.

"No."

"Brian, I needed that to finish."

"We'll pick it up tomorrow before dinner at Deb's."

Justin's stomach clenched. Brian watched his face; Justin closed his eyes, and swallowed hard.

"Hey, what's wrong."

"What? Oh nothing."

Justin looked at Brian and knew he wasn't buying it. "I just really wanted to finish that piece tomorrow and get it shipped out. I think it will complement some of the other works in the show and I wanted to get it to Ranston as soon as possible."

"And that's all?" Brian was terrible at this. He knew how to manipulate, how to ask questions to make people give him the responses he wanted, and how to make people realize what they should be doing, but he was terrible at actually listening, actually talking. Communication was not Brian's strong suit.

"Yeah, that's all."

"Are you lying to me?"
Justin took a deep breath, not sure how to answer the question. If he was honest with Brian then there's be all kinds of things to deal with that he just didn't want to deal with, and if he lied to him, he would be breaking the honesty policy they'd set, and admitting he'd been breaking it for a while, which could piss Brian off enough to send him away completely. He sat in silence.

"Justin, hey, Justin." Brian's voice brought him back to the question at hand.

"Promise you won't get mad?"
"Tell me the truth."
"You didn't promise."

Brian stood up, frustrated, "how the fuck am I supposed to know if I'll get mad?"
Justin was not scared of Brian but his emotional reaction was unnerving.

"Fucking talk to me Justin."

Justin looked up at him. "Okay, sit down and we'll talk"

Brian poured himself a drink, and sat down. Justin took the drink and downed it in a single gulp. Brian gave a half laugh and poured them each another drink, and then sat back down, bottle on the table.

"I'm scared."

"Yeah, I know."

"No, I don't think you do. I get scared a lot still. But I've been good, I've been following the rules."

"Why?"
Justin looked at him for a moment not understanding the question. "Why what?"
"Why have you been following the rules?"
"Because you told me to."

Brian sighed, downed his drink and poured another. "Do you know why we made the rules?"
"Because I almost hurt myself."

"You DID hurt yourself, there was no almost about it. The rules aren't there to make me happy. You're just following them because you're afraid I'll be mad if you don't."
"You're mad at me anyway."
"I'm not mad at you."
Justin rolled his eyes. "You forget sometimes that I know you better than anyone."
"Justin I'm not mad, I'm frustrated."

"I'm following the rules, why would you be frustrated?"
"Because I don't understand why…"

Brian stopped. "FUCK" he thought to himself, he hated words, they were great for selling stuff, but they sucked when it came to actually expressing emotions. If he were stoned he could go around in circles thinking about which caused which to lose meaning. Using the word love, entitlement, joy, promise, desire, all to describe a new moisturizer made the words mean nothing when it came time to say them for real, about something real. He pinched the bridge of his nose and tried hard to clear his thoughts.

"What don't you understand Brian? I follow the rules because I don't want you to be unhappy."

Brian was ready to walk out but he tried to remain calm. "I don't understand why you don't care about yourself as much as I do."

"What?"
"You eat, because I'd be upset if you didn't. You sleep, because I am upset when you don't. You do all the things you're supposed to so that I don't have to worry about you, but you don't worry about yourself."

"Brian I've been taking care of myself."

"When was the last time you went outside?"
"This afternoon, I played with Gus."

"When was the last time you went out of the house, off the grounds, took that ugly orange box that you call a car out of the garage?

"Ummm."
"Deb's two weeks ago?"
"Yeah probably I've been really busy with…"

"You had to be buzzed to get there."

"Well, yeah, I've been having a lot of anxiety lately, because with the show coming up and…"

"Justin, you're not okay."
"No Brian I am, I've been eating and sleeping, and look" he flexed his hand, "no pain"

"You really want me to shrug this off, pretend it's no problem, ignore it?"
Brian turned his body towards Justin's, entwining his fingers with the smaller ones. He leaned his forehead against Justin's. "You're scaring me again, you eat, you sleep, you paint, you sketch, but you're not okay. Justin, I can't make you okay, you need to talk to someone."

"I talk to Daph, and to my mom, and Emmett and Lindsay and…."

"A professional."

Justin was crying but Brian didn't move his forehead from Justin's. He lifted their hands fingers still entwined, and wiped the tear away with his thumb. "I know you're scared, but you've gotta do this."

Justin gave an almost imperceptible nod. "Okay."

Brian pulled his head back, and kissed him on the forehead. "Good."

"Brian?"

"Mmmmmm?"

"Will you go with me?"

"If you want me to."

Justin leaned against him. "You know, I might be totally insane, what if they want to lock me away?"
"I won't let them."

"You won't?"

"I'm the only one allowed to drug you and tie you to a bed."

Justin laughed. "Wanna practice?

Brian smiled and they walked upstairs.

An hour later, Justin was in fact tied to the bed, but he swore that he could hear the colors and Brian decided that if he was going to act like a tweaked out kid on E he'd have to cut his dose, but then he listened to Justin's elaborate and detailed description of what' he'd like Brian to do to him while he was bound and immobile, and Brian decided that maybe they needed to do this more often.

When they finally came down, sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed smoking a joint they decided that caring communicative E administering Brian could come around as often as he liked.

Justin called Dr. McKenzie the next day to get a referral for a decent therapist. He gave him two numbers to call. Justin called both, and made the appointment for Tuesday morning at ten, he wanted to make it at a more convenient time for Brian but it was that, or two weeks from Thursday.

Brian had Cynthia clear his schedule for Tuesday morning and decided he was done telling himself that Justin was recovering nicely. Every time he convinced himself of that, something else came up. So for now, he was just relieved that this hurdle had been jumped. And then the perfect idea hit him for the stupid ad campaign for the new women's athletic line that Brown was launching.

He didn't look up from his desk again until five thirty.

Chapter 26

"We don't have to go."

"Yes we do."

It was Tuesday, they'd had this conversation more times than either cared to count over the weekend, but Justin thought it might be worth another shot.

"It's not gonna help anything."
"Maybe not, you're still going."
Justin stood in front of Brian, wrapping his arms around his neck, and nibbling on his Adams apple, as he pulled their bodies closer. Brian leaned in to nibble Justin's ear, his hands sliding down the smaller mans back, hands resting on his hips and pulling him even closer. "This isn't going to work," he whispered

"Dammit." Justin pulled away, "It was worth a try."

Justin followed Brian to the car, trying not to pout, and doing his best not to fidget too much.

The drive went in relative silence, except for the sound of Justin cracking his knuckles.

When they got to the office Justin was even more anxious, Brian thought he might have to physically drag him inside.

"Let's go princess."
"This is a bad idea." Justin's eyes were wide with fear and Brian could see that he was having a difficult time breathing.

"Hey, it's just talking, for an hour, you're good at talking non stop."

"You'll be here there when I get out?"
"Nope, I'm leaving you."

"Not. Funny."
Brian leaned in and kissed Justin, he barely responded. He leaned in and kissed him again, feeling the boy respond a little more. He resumed his steady sucking on Justin's tongue until the hand he had placed on Justin's chest felt his breathing become deeper and slower.

Brian leaned away, ready to get out of the car but Justin pulled him back, moving in to kiss him harder, his hands wandering. Brian knew what he was doing, and it took all of his willpower to push him away. "Later, right now, you have a very expensive appointment."
Justin pouted, but was feeling a little more relaxed, as Brian pulled him close and they walked together into the office.

Once Justin filled out a few forms, and Brian wrote a check, Justin disappeared into the inner office. Brian paced.

He wanted to sit, relax, and tell himself this was all okay, but he'd been doing that for months and that's what had gotten them to this point in the first place. He went outside to smoke a cigarette and paced in the bracing October air, he came back in, and paced in the elegantly appointed waiting room. Finally, 50 minutes later Justin reemerged. His eyes were red and puffy. He'd been crying.

Brian wasn't sure what to do, he wanted to pull Justin against him, but was hesitant. Justin walked past him and headed towards the car. They drove in silence for a few minutes while Justin tried to regain his composure. "I'm sorry."

Brian rolled his eyes.

"Don't, just let me talk for a minute."

Brian remained silent.

"I'm sorry that I expected so much of you. And I'm sorry that I'm making you take care of me, and I'm sorry that I'm not what you want, but I really do want to be."

Brian nodded. "I take care of you because I care, and you are supposed to expect things of me, I'm your…Brian, and when you're not what I want, I'll let you know, but I don't see that happening. What made you feel the need to apologize all of a sudden, you've been good about it for a while."

Justin took a deep breath. I was telling him the story, you know, how I ended up in his office, and you turned up in the story a lot."

Brian smiled, "I'm a main character in your life huh?"
"Yeah, and I realized just how much I've put you through."

"Well, I've been really easy to live with. It is all your fault."

Justin reached for Brian's hand and the sat quietly just enjoying the feel of their hands resting comfortably. "Most people don't end up with their high school boyfriends." Justin said quietly.

"I wasn't your boyfriend."

Justin laughed, "Most people don't end up with their high school…Brian's"

"Do most people get a high school Brian?"
"If we could market one we'd be rich."
"Or we'd get sued for intolerable cruelty."
Justin shrugged, "it wasn't so intolerable"

"Lunch?"

"We never did get to the paint loft, can we go?"
"Sure, lunch at the diner, possibly get Deb off our cases, a quick run to the paint loft, and then perhaps, if you're very very good…"

Justin smiled, "what if I'm very very bad?"
"That's even more fun."

The light banter relaxed them both as Brian headed into the city. He made a quick call to Cynthia to make sure all was well at the office, and there were no immediate fires to be put out, and then pulled up by the diner.

Michael and Emmett were in a booth and Justin slid in next to Emmett, Brian next to his best friend.

"Well, look who's out and about." Emmett said, casually slinging an arm over Justin's shoulder.

"Yeah, I've got some supplies to pick up, and um… I went to see a doctor."

"Sweetie, are you okay? You didn't… you know hurt yourself."

"No, I'm apparently insane, so Brian's making me see a shrink."

"Well it's about time" Michael said, "I've thought you were insane since you started hanging out with him, maybe the doctor can cure you."

"There is no cure" Brian said, Justin is sadly dealing with a lifelong addiction to me."

Justin rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue "I'll be cured of you someday…maybe when I'm as old as you are."

They all laughed, Brian was happy to see Justin's sense of humor return, even if it was at his expense.

They chatted and ate until Michael headed back to the store, reminding Justin that they needed to meet to finalize sketches and other plot issues. Justin nodded and Michael kissed Brian on the cheek before he left.

"So, what horrible new wedding disaster are you creating this month?" Justin asked.

"Ooh it's going to be fabulous." Emmett went on to describe at length the over the top over the rainbow gay commitment ceremony he was doing, he was in mid cake description when his phone rang. He didn't answer it but seeing who it was gave a wide smile. "Got to go, see you all later."

Justin stood up to let Emmett out of the booth. Brian leaned his back against the wall and Justin sat back down on Brian's side of the booth, leaning back against him.

"You know, someday I may have to cut Emmett's hands off," Brian said, pulling Justin a little closer to him.

"Hmmmm?" Justin said, leaning his head back, suddenly very tired.

"Why does he always drape himself all over you like that?"
Justin gave a half smile; Brian's ridiculous jealousy that he'd never admit to, was one of his favorite things. "Because Emmett likes pretty things."

"I'm pretty, he doesn't hang all over me."

"Because then you would cut his hands off."
"Good point."

"You ever fuck Emmett?"
Brian dropped his French fry back on the plate. "No."

Justin shrugged, "just wondering, I mean, small gay community worlds studliest top, worlds queenliest bottom, both so…tall, seems like it might work"

"I don't fuck my friends."
"Yeah but you weren't always friends."

"What the fuck are we even talking about?"
"Honestly I have no idea, I was just curious."

"Don't we have errands to run?"
"Yes and then I'm supposed to be very very good, or was it very very bad?"
Brian shrugged, pushing Justin forward a little, "either way." He leaned in to Justin's ear; "I'm going to give new meaning to the term intolerable cruelty."

Justin felt a warm flutter in his stomach, "lets get out of here."

Brian grinned and dropped the cash on the table as they left.

When they got to the art supply store Oswald did have everything he'd requested ready, but Justin insisted on walking up and down the aisles anyway. Brian wanted to be annoyed but he was just happy to see Justin out of the house. Justin was running his hand over some paintbrushes, enjoying the feel of the sable on his fingertips when he was hit with a wave of panic.

Brian was only half paying attention to Justin as a really hot guy was three aisles over. When he glanced back at Justin he knew there was something wrong.

"Justin." Louder this time "Justin!"

Blue eyes wide with fear met his. "It's okay" he pulled him closer, grabbed the box of supplies they'd already paid for and walked out of the store. Justin was barely breathing.

"Justin, come on, breathe" Brian knew it was a stupid thing to say the moment it left his mouth but there was a blue tinge to the boys lips.

Tears came, and Brian pulled the young artist's face against his chest as they stood in front of the store, box of supplies forgotten at their feet. As Justin sobbed, he took a deep inhale, and Brian let out the breath he'd been holding. He just stood there, unsure what to do next, unsure if there was anything he could do.

Several minutes later, he felt an arm grip his waist under his jacket, and Justin pulled away so that they were standing side by side. "That was stupid."

"No, it was brilliant."

"I'm sor…"

"Don't fucking apologize, it's okay."

"But…"

"Lets just get into the car, where we can turn the heat on, you're shivering."

Justin complied and once the car warmed up the conversation did too.

"Um, Brian?"
"Mmmmmm?"
"The doctor, you know the one I saw today, Dr. Blackstone"

"Yeah?"
"He said that I need to see a real doctor."
"I thought he was a real doctor."
"No, he is, but he's just psychologist, he thinks I need to see a psychiatrist, for you know, medication."
"So we make an appointment."

"He thinks I'm crazy."

"Did he say that?"
"No, but wouldn't I have to be crazy?"
"Well, I've always known you were a little…off."
"Brian."
"Justin, if you need to take something, take something, you can't live the rest of your life in fear of… what are you afraid of, any idea?"
"Depends on when you ask me."
"Right now."
"I was afraid that if I bought the sable brush and tried to paint with it, my hand would go out of control like it used to and I'd fuck up something important."
"Okay, but…"

"But that's a lie, cause that's just what I was afraid of today, yesterday it was that my mom was gonna call and tell me that Daph was dead, and last week it was that I was going to wake up and you'd be dead in a ditch on your way to work."

"Wow, you have a great imagination. What did the doctor have to say?"
"A lot of technical stuff and that it was mostly just adrenaline rushes and fight or flight and the thoughts don't bring on the panic, but the panic creates the thoughts and that's why I need medicine."

Brian nodded. So, we switch you from poppers and E to whatever the good doctor says and you'll feel a little better.

"You won't think I'm a loser?"

"Not following your line of thinking."

"Well, you've been through way more shit in your life than I have and you manage without medication."

Brian looked over at him, for the first time wondering if Justin might be a little insane. "Justin, when have you ever seen me deal with shit without medication?"
"Um…" Justin thought about it. "So you just drink and…"

"Yeah, but see, I know how to work around my issues, you're gonna need a little more help because you are stronger than I am, and actually work through them, so…"

Justin didn't say another word; he wasn't sure what to say. He knew he wasn't stronger than Brian, but he was too tired, too emotionally drained and too confused to even talk about it. He leaned his head back as the heat and the rhythm of the road soothed him. He closed his eyes.

Brian considered what Justin had told him, about his fear, and seeing a psychiatrist, and wondered, not for the first time, how the kid had held it together as long as he did. He never ceased to amaze him.

When they pulled back into the garage, Brian hated to wake him, but knew it would be cold in there soon. "Justin, we're home."

"Mmmmmm, was I good?"

Brian laughed as he walked the tired boy upstairs. "Very very."

Three days later the entire "We don't have to go" conversation was replayed to Brian's aggravation and Justin's frustration, and they went to see the psychiatrist Dr. Blackstone had recommended. Justin walked out of the office twenty minutes after entering with two prescriptions.

"It's official, I'm crazy."

"I thought we already knew that."
"Brian, shut up."

The next couple of weeks went by relatively uneventfully. There was some decrease in the anxiety Justin felt, but for the most part they just worked, fucked, slept, ate and debated the important things in life, such as what to do with the boxes in the dungeon and which equipment was really necessary for the gym.

Justin was even starting to feel better, fewer anxiety attacks during the day, fewer nightmares at night. He and Brian were joking about something when the phone rang.

Brian was lighting a cigarette when he heard Justin's voice rise. He couldn't hear exactly what he was saying but he clearly heard the phone slammed down in the kitchen.

Justin sat down next to Brian, obviously agitated and took the cigarette out of Brian's hand, taking a long drag and then exhaling in exasperation.

Brian counted on his fingers, 4,3,2,1

"Fucking Ranston."

"What's he want?"
"Contractual fucking obligation."

"When do you have to be in New York?"
"I haven't given him a date yet, but he wants me there next week, and then the first two weeks in December."

"Two weeks in New York, sounds like fun."

Justin shot him an evil look

"What? Maybe it's time you got to enjoy New York."

"Fuck off"

He stormed upstairs; Brian put out his cigarette and followed.

Brian leaned against the doorframe amused, Justin was storming around the room, grabbing items and randomly throwing them into a duffle bag.

"I didn't mean you should leave tonight."

"I said fuck off."
Brian shrugged and turned around to walk back downstairs.

"That's it? You're just going to let me go?"

Biting his lip, Brian did his best to keep his temper. "I've never tried to make you stay."

Justin sat down on the bed, "I don't want to leave."

"I know."

"I just…"

"What?"
"I don't fucking know."

Brian gave out a half laugh and Justin looked up surprised. "You're laughing at me?"
Brian tried his best, but he lost it "yeah, I think I am"

Justin started to laugh too. He walked across the room to hug Brian. "I think it's official, we're both batshit insane."

"Finally, you're listening to me."
The taller man walked Justin backwards, pushing him down on the bed. "But I know a cure" he leaned over, pulling Justin's shirt over his head. "No, you drive me crazy when you do that."

"Really?" Raising his eyebrows and licking his lips, lets see how crazy you really can get.

And Brian slowly removed Justin's clothes, keeping his on while he tortuously teased Justin's body. Pushing the duffle bag off the bed, to leave it forgotten in a heap.

He lay his body against Justin's, and found himself on his back in seconds. Justin returned the favor, removing all of Brian's clothes, slowly. When they were both naked and panting, unaware of anything other than the feel of skin on skin, the tightening need in the pit of their stomachs the feel of hot wet tongue against hot flesh. Finally, when Justin was whimpering with need, and Brian wasn't sure he could hold off any longer he opened the condom wrapper with his teeth. As Justin heard the sound he rolled over, raising himself up onto his knees.

Brian pushed himself inside, his hand on the small of Justin's back, helping him to relax, and their easy rhythm became harder. Brian leaned against Justin; his chest melding to the younger mans back, their hands finding each other, fingers interlocked as their bodies combined again and again.

Brian didn't even need to touch Justin's cock, he felt him come as he stroked inside him. Increasing his rhythm until he too came, collapsing on Justin's inert form, resting a few moments before he rolled off in order not to crush him.

Justin was tired, his new meds made him feel a bit loopy sometimes, and Brian had just ridden him hard, and that was probably the reason he didn't censor himself when he said "Mmmmmm, that's why you're the only one I let do that."

He was curled up against Brian's chest, his fingers making lazy circles around his nipples, his eyes closed.

Brian sat up a little. "The only one recently?"
"What?"
"The only one you let do what?"
Justin suddenly realized what he'd just said. "Shit."

"What?"
"Nothing."
"Justin, I'm the only one you let do what?"
Justin was blushing, and Brian sat up, looking at him. He hadn't seen him blush in a while.

"Justin, the only one you let do what?"
Justin rolled off of him and lay on his back, covering his face with his hands. He had never planned on telling this to Brian, never figured it would actually come up.

"Justin."

"Fuck me." He said in a small voice.

Brian let out a half laugh; "it's a little late to reinvent yourself as a virgin Justin."

Justin sat up, "you don't believe me?"
"Justin, you've fucked a lot of people, I know, I've been there for oh, maybe half of them."

"I didn't say people I fuck, I said you're the only one… Oh, never mind."
It was starting to dawn on Brian exactly what Justin meant. "You don't let anyone else top you?"
Justin shook his head.

"Never?"
Justin thought about it. "Once, and it sucked, so yeah, never."

"When was the once?"
"Oh, I don't know, some guy I went with at Babylon, when I was like 18"

"And it sucked."

Justin shrugged.

Brian wanted to ask the question, Brian was afraid to ask the question; Brian couldn't conceive this to be the answer to the question. "Ethan?"

Justin just shrugged again, "I fucked him."

That shouldn't have made Brian feel better, he knew that, it shouldn't have made him happy, but it did. He had a wicked grin on his face.

Justin looked up after he realized Brian hadn't said anything in a while and laughed at the smirk Brian was wearing.

"You don't have to seem so self satisfied about it. I mean, I knew you didn't want me to, when we were together, whenever we took someone back, or even on date nights, no one fucked me but you, I guess I just got used to it."

"Got used to it." Brian repeated each word slowly, as if they had a hidden meaning he was trying to determine.

"Most guys are bad at it, and then it hurts and besides, it's nice to be in control sometimes. Don't you think?" Justin said, turning the tables on Brian.

"Mmmmmm, you know I love to be in control but if you don't like it, then why do you…I mean we, "

"Stop fishing for compliments"

Brian smirked again. "No one else huh?"
Justin shook his head, "no one but you."
The air was knocked out of Justin's lungs as Brian pounced on him, his body stretched fully against him, every inch of his naked skin covered in Brian. Justin thought he was floating, or drowning in him, and didn't care as Brian's planted possessive kisses on his mouth, his eyes, his shoulders his chest. And he heard the one word Brian kept repeating as he moved his mouth down Justin's body. "Mine" it was a growl, a whisper, a prayer, and a statement, and Justin sighed as he realized that he may possibly have given far more information than the already healthy ego could withstand.

When they awoke in the morning Brian's self satisfied grin was still in place and Justin was complaining half heartedly about the number of bite marks and hickeys Brian had left while claiming his body repeatedly. "Sheesh, I look like I have leprosy"

Brian laughed, toweling Justin's hair dry.

"You look," he said, moving his mouth down Justin's neck, "like you're mine." And Justin moaned, leaning over the bathroom counter as Brian leaned into him. They'd have to shower again, but they were both okay with that.

Chapter 27

Justin was getting better at handling drunk "I don't want to fly" Brian. First he made sure Cynthia faxed over a detailed itinerary, with flight numbers, hotel reservation codes, and anything else he might need should Brian be unable to remember the particulars. Then he prepared himself for the shameless flirtation with the flight attendants, be they male or female.

And he was never opposed to the way Brian proved he was still alive after such a harrowing ordeal as a 50 minute flight from Pittsburgh to New York.

Justin was straightening his clothes, and wiping at his mouth when Brian emerged from the stall in a similar state of dishevel. He handed him a bottle of water, and wrapped his arm around his waist, heading for the cabstand. Flying with Brian wasn't so bad.

It was the same hotel, same room, and Justin was relieved to see that. It somehow made him more comfortable. He wondered if Brian told Cynthia to do that, or if she just knew, or maybe this was where Brian always stayed when he had business in New York. He actually did have business this trip.

He had three meetings set up for tomorrow, which was fine with Justin who was planning on spending the day at the Ranston Gallery going over placement of pieces for the show and seeing what else was being shown with his stuff.

They had left Pittsburgh at 11:30 am, it was only a little before two by the time they were checked in. They had an entire day ahead of them and no plans.

"We should go sight seeing."

Brian glared.

"To see what? Tall buildings, green French women with torches, ground zero?"
Justin shrugged, "I've visited New York, I technically lived here, and I've seen very little of it."

"Well, then we should see the important parts." Brian said, "Christopher Street, Soho, The Village."

Justin laughed, "You want to go gawk and the New York gay scene?"

"We could do more than gawk."

Justin smiled, he had an idea what Brian had in mind, but wasn't sure. He shrugged, "Let me take a shower and we'll head out."

Brian joined him in the shower, and later on the floor of the bathroom, and then across the bed, and it was well past five before the two of them locked the hotel room door behind them and made their way to an area more conducive to a friendly drink.

They walked down the street arm in arm until they found a likely looking establishment. Well it wasn't the looks that drew them it was the sound. The beat could be felt in the pavement. Justin grabbed Brian's hand and opened the door.

They made their way to the bar surveying the patrons as they went. "This'll do" Brian said, smiling. Justin's smile just got wider as he ordered them a couple of double beams and turned around back and elbows against the bar surveying the dance floor.

Brian downed his drink and pulled Justin forward until they were forehead to forehead on the floor, moving to the music.

They danced for a while, losing themselves in the beat. Justin knew what Brian wanted, and he wanted it too, it had been a while, but he also knew that Brian was somehow different this time around, that he'd have to make the first move. He pulled the taller man up a set of steps to better scope out the candidates.

"Him?"
Brian shot Justin a glance and once again marveled at the boy's ability to know him so well. He shook his head "Bad chin."

"Him" Brian pointed. Justin wrinkled his nose, "Too young." Brian's eyebrows shot up but he continued to scan the floor.

"Him." Brian followed Justin's gaze to the tall blonde with close-cropped hair and a great ass. "Him." Brian agreed as the two made their way towards their prey.

The three of them were in a cab when the trick offered up his name, neither was paying attention. He was sitting between the two of them and they leaned over and kissed each other, their hands roaming along the mans thighs as their tongues dueled.

When they were finally in the hotel room, Justin stood behind the man and Brian in front of him, and their hands worked together to remove his clothing. Their mouths and hands showing their interest in him, while their eyes remained on each other.

Brian established the rules quickly as he turned the man around so that Justin had an opportunity to work his magical tongue against the tricks nipples. "We top, no kissing, and anything else we'll let you know."

The guy nodded in agreement as Brian rolled a condom onto Justin. "I want to watch you fuck him." he whispered into Justin's ear, and Justin's dick jumped at the sound.

"Suck him off." Justin instructed the trick as Brian sat up against the headboard. The guy eagerly crawled forward, taking Brian into his mouth. Justin ran his hands along the guys back, scratching lightly and he moaned into Brian who threw his head back a little.

He didn't take his eyes off his beautiful blondes face as he entered this random stranger with a power and command Brian had forgotten Justin possessed. He started slowly, stroking in and out in long easy movements. The guy was loving it, using his tongue well, and taking all of Brian into the back of his throat.

Justin wrapped a hand around the tricks cock, holding it steady, "Don't come 'til I tell you to." The trick, bob, bill, brad, something like that moaned his understanding around Brian's shaft.

Justin forgot what it was like, to fuck someone else, to feel the heat around him and still watch Brian's eyes, watch his face in those agonizingly beautiful moments of pleasure. Forgot how good it felt to bring a stranger into the mix and still feel like they were the only two people in the room.

When Brian started to come, Justin increased his momentum, moving faster, pushing harder, but not letting the trick go yet, holding him off until his own orgasm was imminent. When he came inside him, Justin let out a moan, leaning forward to kiss Brian, their mouths meeting with intensity, their hands on each other, the man they were both inside all but forgotten.

As Brian lay back and Justin pulled out, bob, bill…whatever rolled over, and began to jerk himself off. Brian grabbed his wrist to stop him. "We're not done yet." The new stud whimpered but allowed Brian to reposition him on his back. This time Brian slid on a condom, pushing into the guy hard. Justin was on his knees, turning the tricks head to the side, so that that he could push himself into the willing mouth. He began sucking in earnest. And Brian and Justin's hands roamed his body while their mouths met again and again, stopping only when they felt they might pass out from lack of air.

When Justin came, bobuckbuddy licked lightly, cleaning Justin's dick completely, using his hands to pull Justin closer too him, and as Brian leaned into him full force, pushing against the mans prostate until he was moaning and pleading for release Brian stroked his cock a few times lightly, and the trick came. Justin smiled down at him as Brian threw his head backwards and felt his balls draw up. He came after a few more pounding strokes. And lay back on the bed.

"You done with him?" Brian asked Justin.

Justin nodded "You?"
The two were sitting next to each other on the bed Justin leaning his head against Brian's shoulder their hands intertwined. Brian kissed Justin again, "Oh yeah."

Brian turned his attention to the sated and sticky man on the bed. "You can go."

He looked confused, but he began to quickly pull his clothes on. "Hey you guys were great if you're ever in the city again."

Justin's eyes met his and he just shook his head. "Repeats aren't our thing."

Brian laughed out loud as the guy, in shoes and pants, still shirtless walked out, closing the door behind him.

"Fuck I love you" Justin said, rolling on top of Brian, and kissing him again, down his neck, his shoulder, his chest. Stopping to pay special attention to his nipples. He moved all the way down until he was staring directly at Brian's once again eager dick. He leaned in to lick it, taking it down his throat, bobbing his head over it until Brian pulled him off. "I'm going to fuck you."

Justin moaned, as Brian slipped a condom on. He lay Justin on his side, and slid into him, moving slowly at first but soon Justin was desperate, begging to be fucked harder, faster, more.

"Christ you're a bossy bottom tonight." Brian said, pulling himself out of Justin to reposition him onto his back. "You want it hard?"
"Oh yeah." Justin said. The wanton look and his body's reaction to every touch made Brian's need even more intense as he slammed into him.

He fucked Justin hard, at times he would stop, holding off his own climax, making it last longer, and each time he did Justin whimpered and begged and eventually Growled. "FUCK ME!" And Brian did, hard and fast, brutal and bruising, and Justin moaned with pleasure.

Brian held his hand at Justin's throat, feeling his pulse, and squeezed. At first Justin's eyes shot open with fright, but in a moment Brian let go, and when Justin felt the rush of air back into his body, he understood. He threw his head back, exposing his neck, giving Brian silent permission to take it further and Brian did. They'd done this before, once or twice, but not in a while, and Brian was careful, measuring Justin's pulse, watching his breathing, holding off the inflow of air just long enough to give Justin that little high. Then he'd let go, and as Justin gasped for air, he'd pound into him harder.

He watched Justin's body, and felt his own orgasm pushing him to the brink, he squeezed again, and Justin saw stars, his head thrown back, mouth open but unable to take in any air, and as Brian felt himself about to come he fisted Justin's cock a few times, and then he let go.

Justin inhaled deeply and came harder than he ever had before. Gasping and moaning. Brian came just a moment after that, feeling Justin's body convulsing around him, milking him with each spasm. Brian collapsed on top of him, his chin against Justin's shoulder, their bodies tangled together, their sweat and come and breath combined.

Ten minutes passed, and then twenty. Finally Justin pushed at Brian's shoulder and he rolled over. "Now do I make the top ten?"
Brian laughed, "I think you may have broken the top three this time."

And they fell asleep, sticky and sated.

The next morning they both hurried to be ready for their meetings on time, but hot showers, and wet naked Brian had a tendency to make Justin forget all about time and contractual obligations. Which in all fairness, Brian didn't seem too concerned about until he couldn't find his black shoe.

"I'll bet that fucker stole it."
"Brian why would a nameless trick steal a single black Prada shoe?"
Brian didn't have an answer for that, but he continued to bitch about it until Justin pulled it from under the bed.

"How the fuck did it get there?"
"It's a mystery, how the fuck did I get come in my ear last night?"
Brian smiled his tongue pushing out his cheek "It's a mystery."

They kissed quickly (for them) and left for their respective appointments.

"I've got my phone with me, call if you need anything."

"I will, you'll be at the show tonight, 8:30?"

"Have I missed one yet?"

"Later."
"Later."
And they walked in separate directions hailing separate cabs.

Brian's first meeting went well, the client was impressed with his ideas and the deal was inked.

Justin's day was not going quite as well. "I don't want to show those tonight, I wanted those to be part of the December show." He told Ranston.

"They're a large set, I'm concerned that if we don't show them together, and without as many distractions from your other work we won't get a reasonable asking price."

Justin sighed, he hated the part of his art that was about money, especially these, the five pieces he'd practically killed himself over. "Pick any six other pieces you want. But those are NOT to be unveiled until December."
Ranston sighed, he hated the part of business that required dealing with artists, but he eventually acquiesced.

They spent the next several hours debating which six pieces would be shown this evening. Justin wanted one of the newer ones, which had been shipped separately from the original set he'd sent but Ranston seemed reluctant.

"What's wrong with the new stuff?"
"It seems to be…."

"What?"
"Well, less, intense somehow."

Justin pushed his hand through his hair and stood back to stare at the pieces that were lined up against the wall. He bit at the side of his right thumb, deliberating. He knew Ranston was right, that the pieced he'd done once he started following all those fucking rules were less intense, less angry, less…well just less, but what the fuck could he do?

He pulled out a landscape he'd completed only weeks ago, "It looks like a starving artist show at the Marriott" he thought to himself. He pulled out a few others. They weren't all that bad, and in all fairness, it was based on a sketch he'd done for Gus.

Eventually, after several hours he and Ranston came to an agreement on what would be up for the night, and Justin put a tiny yellow sticker on the back of each piece. "The sticker goes on the bottom, make sure they don't hang them upside down this time."

Ranston smiled, and shook his hand as the young artist left. It was after five and he apparently had dinner plans before the show this evening.

Brian's next meeting was a little more amusing. It was with Corthometics, a large and well funded but still relatively obscure Cosmetics Company that was looking to market themselves in a more upscale manner. Brian met with Pamela; the director of marketing, and her assistant, turns out his name was Bob. Brian smiled at him, his face showing no recognition; Bob wasn't as skilled at hiding his surprise. But in the end, Brian had a good feeling about his chances with this account.

His third meeting was a waste of time, some asshole with a bad idea for an online service looking to market it as something other than a useless waste of bandwidth. Brian did his best to convince the client that there were a few interesting ways to market a product but the Mr. Tanner fancied himself a creative type and wanted something that wouldn't work. Brian wasn't worried. The entire company would be out of business in months if not weeks. He checked his watch, it was well after seven. Hailing a cab he decided to go directly to the gallery.

As Justin was leaving the gallery, heading back towards the hotel he felt an arm on his shoulder and heard his name. "Fuck."

"Justin."

Justin spun around "Ethan."

"I was hoping I'd find you here."

Justin looked pointedly toward the window of the gallery where a sign with his name prominently displayed stared out at both of them. He was tired, and just wanted to go home, maybe shower, change, and grab some food before he had to be back.

"I was hoping we could talk."

"About what?"

"Well, just, I mean, we haven't really spoken since…"

"Since you cheated on me, lied to me, fucked with me?"

"I was hoping you wouldn't still be bitter."

"I'm not bitter Ethan, I'm tired."

"I could buy you a cup of coffee."

"I can buy my own coffee." Justin started to walk away.

"Justin." He turned again, his eyes narrowed.

"Go away."

"Just a cup of coffee."

Justin sighed, and nodded, and the two walked silently the couple of blocks to a Starbucks. Justin sat down at a table, not sure why he was even there.

Ethan went to the counter and was back several minutes later with two large latte's.

"Extra foam and cinnamon, the way you like it."

Justin nodded and took the cup from him, waiting for Ethan to start.

"I'm sorry."

Justin wondered how long you had to be in or out of a relationship before you were allowed to ban words, and if his statute of limitations was up on this one.

"Sorry's bullshit."

"I was wrong."

Justin snorted derisively, "About what exactly?"
"I was wrong to hurt you, wrong to take you for granted, wrong to ask you to put up with that stupid contract."

"No, you were wrong to fuck someone else when you said you wouldn't."

"I was wrong about that too."

"Okay, so you're sorry, and you were wrong and it was over three years ago, so…"

"So I was wondering if there was a chance that we could…start over. I miss you."

"What exactly about me do you miss? You never even fucking knew me."

"I knew you, I knew what a talented and smart man you are and I knew I loved you."

Justin wanted to scream, to cry, to walk away. These were the pretty words he'd left Brian for?

"So is there any hope that we could be…friends?"
"No."

"Justin, I'm asking you for your forgiveness."

"And you have it okay, I forgive you for being a self absorbed asshole who couldn't go an entire day without getting laid but we'll never be friends, because as a rule I am not friends with people who lie to me."

"Brian lied to you all the time."

Justin pushed his hands in the pocket of his jacket to keep from pouring his coffee over Ethan's head. "Brian had nothing to do with why we broke up, and he never lied to me, you still don't get it do you?"
"I guess not, so why don't you explain it to me."

"I don't have to. I don't owe you anything anymore."

"We were lovers, we were partners we were…"

Justin cut him off. "We were a lot of things, but now you're an old bad stupid mistake, a memory, and ex and I would appreciate it if you would leave me alone. If you'll excuse me, I have to go home and change, I have a show in less than two hours."

"Home, you live in New York now?"
Justin saw the hope in Ethan's eyes and he wanted to tell him that he'd found that lovely country home they used to talk about, and he lived in it, with a beautiful studio and a beautiful man, but it was none of Ethan's business. "No, back to my hotel, I still live in Pittsburgh."

Justin grabbed his bag, slung it over his shoulder and hailed a cab.

He took a hot shower, but not hot enough to burn away the aggravation the day had left him with. Brian hadn't come back to the room, and as he dressed he called his voicemail. There were two messages, one from Daphne wishing him luck, and one from Brian saying he was running too late to come back and change but he'd be at the gallery.

Justin put on his shoes and jacket and headed back to the gallery, hoping tonight went quickly.

The gallery was already half full by the time he arrived. He checked his coat and his eyes scanned the room. Brian was in front of him with a glass of champagne before he really had a chance to look for him. He kissed Brian and sighed "I've missed you today."

He saw the smile reach all the way to his hazel eyes. "It's only been a couple of hours."

"They were very long hours, promise me we're going straight back to the hotel after the schmoozefest."

"I promise." Brian nodded solemnly, the smirk never leaving his lips and the humor never leaving his eyes.

Justin leaned against Brian for a moment as though borrowing strength and then stood back, straightened his shoulders, plastered a smile on his face and began to circulate.

Brian watched Justin carefully from afar for most of the evening. Ranston had a tendency to usher Brian away each time he headed towards the increasingly popular artist. Apparently it was better to leave him ambiguously gay and somewhat available. Brian understood the sales technique and thus simply stood around looking bored, he fit right in with the rest of the pretentious clientele.

He had already scoped out the pieces Justin was showing before his arrival. A large angry canvass of color and action, a smaller piece that looked suspiciously like something Gus might have made, until you looked closer, and saw that each stroke and each detail told a story, tiny pictures and symbols buried in the seemingly simplistic design. A landscape of their house, including a small orange blur that Brian knew to be Justin's ugly car, and a couple of other works that Brian had seen before.

He was glancing over at some of the work by another featured artist, trying to decide if this one was right side up or upside down. Justin approached him, apparently Ranston was busy with a wealthy patron and thus Brian was now allowed within five feet of the "very talented young man."

The were discussing the possibility that this artists piece was in fact hung the wrong way when Ethan approached them.

Justin was standing so close to Brian that they were almost touching, and Brian was holding back the urge to sling his arm over his shoulders and pull him close.

The blonde felt Brian's body tense next to his before it registered. He looked up and Brian's eyes had lost all humor, they were dark.

"Justin, I wanted to stop by to tell you that your work is amazing."

Justin simply nodded, willing the stupid fiddler away
"I'm sorry we couldn't have talked longer this afternoon, I really wish you'd let me take you to dinner, we still have a lot to say to each other."

Justin leaned in closely to Ethan, shaking his hand, and once their faces were mere inches apart, and Justin knew that Brian's anger was peaking he spoke.

"Fuck Off."

Ethan looked up pretending to just notice Brian. "You two are back together?"

"He said Fuck Off." Brian gritted through clenched teeth.

Ethan shrugged, wandering off, pretending not to be intimidated.

Justin held Brian's arm and pulled him around to a private corner. "I was going to tell you, I didn't have time, I ran into him on my way back."

'What did he want?"

"Me."

"Really?"

"He's an asshole Brian, I told him that when I left him, I told him that when I saw him this afternoon, and I'll tell him again if I have to. What the fuck did I ever see in him?"

Brian shrugged.

"Why didn't you tell me I was being a stupid kid?"
"If I stopped to tell you that every time you were being a stupid kid, I'd never have a chance to say anything else."

Justin scrunched up his nose and stuck out his tongue.

Brian slung his arm around Justin's shoulders, he walked him back out to the show, and then leaned in, claiming Justin's mouth with his own. Justin kissed him back, not giving a shit what Ranston thought. Brian's hands caressed Justin's back and eventually when they broke their kiss Justin leaned against the taller man as he slung his hands over Justin's shoulders. Their fingers intertwined and they surveyed the clientele.

Justin briefly wondered what was going through Ethan's mind.

Brian had only one thought in his "Mine."

Ethan had watched Justin rush Brian to a more private area and secretly hoped he'd caused a problem between the two, but when they emerged, and he saw them together, their easy grace, the way they fit, their obvious connection he simply left, he realized now that he'd never stood a chance.

After 11 Justin and Brian hailed a cab and discussed their plans for the next day. Technically they had the room until Monday but both realized what they really wanted was to go home.

It was Sunday morning when they pulled the car into the driveway, they were back earlier than expected, but the plans for dinner and a show before a late flight seemed less appealing than returning home before anyone knew they were there. Brian barely admitted it to himself but Justin's seeming recovery was still too tenuous and they'd had too many scenes at that particular hotel, he was all too happy to leave, with a mental note to get Cynthia to find another Five Star place in New York and set up an account.

"What's Michaels car doing in the driveway?"
Brian shrugged," He's probably at Lindsay's to see JR"

Justin nodded. "No one knows we're back?"

"Not a soul."

He hit the code to unlock the door and Brian's mouth was on Justin's before he could say anything about grabbing their bags and unpacking.

Brian continued to kiss him, backing Justin slowly up the foyer steps, and through the great room. Their shirts were left where they were removed as they continued their long kiss, and grope session heading towards the bedroom.

"I'm going to fuck you until you see stars," Brian whispered, his hands pushing at Justin's hips as he guided the blonde towards the bedroom.

They opened the door and Justin moaned into Brian's mouth when he heard a gasp, it was coming from the bed.

Justin turned around to see Hunter, Naked, laying on top of someone who's only visible features were her bound arms and the legs she had wrapped around Hunters back. Whomever he was with was obviously there voluntarily.

"Should we have knocked?" Brian asked.

Justin was aggravated. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"What does it look like?"

"Who let you in?"
"Mikey has a key, Duh."
Brian was amused, Justin less so. "Well get the fuck out of my bed."

"Fine Christ," Hunter muttered as he stood up. When Hunter stood Justin got a look at who it was laying beneath him. He turned his back quickly. "And fucking untie my sister!" Justin yelled as Brian became more amused and Justin's temper hit full throttle.

Chapter 28

"Erm, hi Justin." Molly said hesitantly, her face bright red, as she waved a bound hand towards her brother.

Justin didn't notice, he stormed out of the room. Brian raised his eyebrows at the two "get dressed." And followed his irate little blonde.

He found Justin sitting head in hands on the sofa in the great room. Brian bit his lip trying not to laugh. He sat down beside him.

"Well, at least she's not dating someone too old for her."

Justin had never wanted to hit Brian so much in his life. "Fuck you."
"Oh, come on, it's funny, except for the part where they're on our 1200 thread count sheets, that fuckers going to pay for those."

"Brian there is nothing funny about this!"

Brian was about to list the numerous amusing things in the situation when both Hunter and Molly quietly came down the steps hoping to escape unnoticed. Their attempt failed.

"Get the fuck over here!" Justin yelled, standing up his face red with anger, and his voice brooking no argument. Brian wanted to mention to Justin that he wasn't wearing a shirt, had about half a dozen hickeys currently visible and one that was disappearing into his waistband but thought better of it and instead simply threw his discarded sweater to him.

Justin was pacing now as Molly red faced and quiet and Hunter, relaxed and seemingly amused sat on the sofa across from them.

Justin tried to gather his thoughts, he tried to focus but all he could think about was killing Hunter in about a thousand different ways. As each new method came to him he turned and paced in the other direction.

Brian wanted to say something, to calm Justin down, to maybe convince Molly that her brother wasn't about to kill her, although he wasn't entirely sure of that, and to get Hunter to wipe that smug satisfied smile off his face. He had no idea what to say to accomplish any of this so he leaned against the doorframe of the dining room watching the scene play out.

Finally Justin gave up with creative ideas and just lunged, deciding he'd figure out how to remove Hunters head, including that obnoxious grin once he had his arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

Brian watched Justin stop pacing, he saw him lunge, and realized that maybe he was more upset than he'd originally factored. He tried to pull him off of Hunter. Molly was screaming, and Hunters arms were flailing about. Brian didn't blame him but he'd be damned if he'd let him hit Justin anyway. He finally got the blonde under control, or at least off of Hunter. He held him, Justin wasn't comforted, he struggled.

"Justin, c'mon, you're not going to accomplish anything this way."
"I don't want to accomplish anything, I want to kill him." With renewed strength Justin tried again to escape Brian's hold.

"STAY HERE." Brian commanded the younger couple as he maneuvered the struggling man into the kitchen. He handed him a bottle of water from the fridge. Justin threw it at Brian's head. He ducked and tried again not to laugh. "What exactly is the issue here?"
"He's fucking my sister!"
"I'm fucking her brother, you don't see her trying to take my head off."
"That's different."

"Why?"
"Because he's fucking my sister."

"Glad we're using logic."

"Brian do you have a sister?"

"Yeah, you've met her, she's a cunt."

"And you don't care who fucks her?"
Brian tried to think if he'd ever cared, but he hadn't, he and his sister didn't have that kind of relationship. "My family is a bad template to use."
Justin's breathing was more regular now, his face less mottled with rage, "He still needs to die."

"Justin, has forbidding a couple to be together ever worked?"

Justin took a deep breath. "No. That's why he has to die."
Brian ran a hand through his hair, and then pinched the bridge of his nose trying to figure out a way to get this over soon, he still had plans to fuck Justin, well, once they'd changed the sheets. "Why don't you just go talk to them."

"Because he has to die."

"Would you stop fucking saying that."

"Why?"
"Because you and Mikey are finally on good terms if you kill Hunter that might change."

"Oh fuck, we should call Michael and Ben."

"Yes, because they'll be rational and helpful."
"Brian?"
"Yes sunshine?"
"Will you help me kill him, we could bury him behind the lake, no one needs to know."

"You know, eventually someone was going to fuck your sister, she's 17." Brian thought about adding that Hunter may not even be the first, but he wasn't sure how much Justin could take before his head exploded. He handed Justin a beer, and then poured him a double Gray Goose. "Drink this, and then go talk to them, your sister's scared to death, and I'm sure you'll find just the right words to put the fear of god, and big brothers everywhere into Hunter."

Justin swallowed the drink in a single gulp and held out the glass. Brian refilled it. When Justin was somewhat calmer, they both carried their beer back towards the couple that was currently involved in some heavy petting on the sofa. Justin lunged again, but this time Brian held him back more easily and the couple separated quickly upon hearing the commotion.

"How long." It was the first almost rational thing Justin had said since he'd come home.

"Justin, we've been dating for a while."

"How long is a while Mollusk?"

"Don't call me that, and like three months."

Justin buried his face in his hands again. "That's not a while."

"Well how long were you and Brian together before you…" she trailed off. Brian smirked, wondering how Justin was going to answer this one because twenty minutes seemed like it might actually be exaggerating the truth.

"That's not the point."

"I really like Molly." Hunter broke in, "and I don't see why this is such a big deal to you."

"She's my sister." Justin said, teeth gritted and brain spinning. He knew, logically that he was being ridiculous, that she was the same age he was when he met Brian, that she'd waited three months longer than he had. He knew all of this and what he couldn't stop was the irrational anger that someone was touching his sister. He suddenly understood how hard his relationship with Brian must have been on his mother, gay or straight, Jesus, she's just a kid.

"You're just a kid."

Molly snorted, "hardly."

"Look, I wouldn't hurt her, and we were safe." Justin had forgotten, had put it out of his mind, his anger had been about something else. Hunter was positive. FUCK!

Brian watched the change in Justin's features, and realized that things were actually now more dangerous. "Hunter, go home."

Hunter protested. "Hunter. Go. Home." Brian said, leading the kid towards the door, "You'll see Molly again I promise."

"Like you'd have anything to say about it." Brian considered helping Justin bury him behind the lake, but settled for pushing the littlest hustler out the door and closing it behind him.

"I'll be upstairs, changing the sheets." He looked at Molly pointedly and she blushed a similar shade to her brother. "You two should talk."

Molly moved to sit next to her brother, taking his hand in hers. "Justin."

"Yeah?"
"You okay?"
"No."
"I am."
"No you're not."

Molly was trying to be understanding, but Justin was being a dick.

"Fuck you I am fine."

"Molly, he's positive." Justin said it quietly.
"You think I don't know that? Do you really think I'm some dumb kid who'd just go off and sleep with a guy she didn't even know?" Justin buried his head deeper into his hands, trying to battle the horrible screams of hypocrite that were assailing his brain from within.

"I know everything about him, his shitty mother, his shitty life, his shitty disease. He's a good man, he's a nice guy, he opens doors, and when we're alone he's different, not so arrogant and annoying and he likes me, and I love him and why can't you just be happy for me?"
Justin wanted to call his mother and apologize for everything ever.

"Because you're my little sister and I worry about you."

"Yeah well I haven't been a little girl for a while, and you haven't been around much, in case you forgot."

Justin looked up sharply. His eyes meeting Molly's, he knew what she'd said was true. He'd left when she was 12, and hadn't lived at home since, they'd stayed in contact but not like they should have, not like he should have. "Christ Molly, I'm sorry, I've been a shitty brother."

"No Justin, you've been fine, but you can't just walk in now and start telling me what to do."

"Okay, lets start here, how bout if I can tell you what you can't do IN MY BED!"

Molly looked down at her hands. "Hunter said you wouldn't be back until late tonight or tomorrow."

"But why here?"
"Well we can't all have old boyfriend with their own apartments." Justin gave a half smile. "You should dump him, and join a convent."

"We're not catholic."

"Then just dump him and…"

"I'm not gonna dump him Justin, I love him."
He wanted to tell her that there was no way to know who you loved at 17, but then he heard Brian coming down the steps and realized nothing he said was going to make an impact.

"Does mom know?"
"About Hunter?"

"No, about your mid term exams."
"She knows I've been seeing someone and that he's about my age, she wants to meet him."
"She already has."

"She doesn't know that part yet."

"What about Michael and Ben?"
"Yeah they know, but not about using your house, Hunter said Michael would kill him."
"Michaels not the only one." Brian said, lounging easily on the chair. "What the fuck were you doing in our room?"
"We already covered this." Justin said.

Brian nodded, taking the hint to shut up.

"Moll, let me drive you home, and you have to tell mom."

"Justin."
"I'm not telling her, it's your turn."

Molly pouted and Brian noticed that the two shared more than hair color.

"Fine, but can we take the 'vette, your car is ugly."

Brian laughed out loud, "You know, if I were straight…"

Justin gave him a look that promised horrible nights of torture and not in a fun way if he didn't shut up right then and there.

"We're taking my car."

The siblings talked on the ride home and Justin somehow managed to swallow almost half of his anger by the time he pulled into the garage. He was still furious but somewhere the rational side of his brain was reminding him that he had no right to be. His head hurt as though the rational side and the pure protective brother side were actually having a death match in his cerebellum. He walked directly into the den, and pulled out Brian's stash.

Brian removed the canister from Justin's hand. Before he even had time to protest he simply explained. "You can't roll a joint for shit."

He expertly rolled one, and while Justin lit it rolled another, he had a feeling this might take several before Justin was mellow enough to be considered okay.

They were working on their third joint, silently, both drinking directly from their respective bottles. Brian felt the event called for scotch. Justin had always been a rum fan in times of family crisis.

"We have to buy a new bed."

Brian raised his eyebrows, it was his only movement. They were on the sofa, Justin sitting/slouching, Brian on his back head on Justin's lap.

"We're not getting rid of our bed."

Justin shuddered, "We're never having sex in that bed again."

"Hey, I'm not happy about our bed being used for breeder sex either but…"

"My sister, Hunter is fucking my sister."

"I thought we covered that hours ago."

"It keeps popping back in my head, like that stupid pink bunny."

"There's a pink bunny in your head?"
"That battery bunny."

"Oh yeah, the guy who thought of that was brilliant."

"I liked those other ads better."

"Which ones?"

"The ones that were dumb but meant we could afford the kitchen stuff."

Brian laughed a little. "They weren't dumb."

"Were too, but they also mean we can afford a new bed."

"I changed the sheets."

"Did you burn the old ones?"

"I think a run through the spin cycle should get all the sister juice out."

Justin shuddered again, exhaling and passing the joint to Brian, and taking a deep pull from the rum, "don't say sister juice."

"What should I call it?"
"Nothing, don't call it anything, she's 12"

"No, I think she's older."

"Can't she just be 12?"
"Only if I can be 19 forever."

"19?"
"Yeah, perfect body, never had to work out, never needed sleep, fucked all day, all night, nineteen was a good year."

"you still do all of that, except you work out."

"And I need at least 6 hours of sleep."

"A week?"
Brian laughed again, "Yes, with you I get about six hours of sleep a week."

"I'm sorry."

Brian reached a hand up, trying to put his fingers on Justin's lips to shush him, but he missed and ended up with a finger halfway into his nose.

"Hey, when they say penetrate every orifice, I think it's just an expression." Justin wrinkled his nose and swatted Brian's hand away.

"I was trying to get you to shut up."

"Why?"
"Because you were breaking a rule I think."
"No I wasn't I was saying you should sleep more, like now." He ran his hands through the brown hair lying on his lap, running gentle fingers over his eyelids, pulling them closed. "Shhhh" sleep.

Inhaling deeply through his nose Brian savored the feel of Justin's fingertips on his face. His eyes were closed which is why he didn't have a chance to move his head before Justin's hand slapped down hard on his forehead.

Justin soothed Brian and then lay his own head back, only to have the image that was now burned into the back of his eyelids return. He slapped his hand against his thigh, forgetting that Brian's head was currently resting there.

"Ouch."
"I'm sorry."

"That's the rule! That's the rule you broke!"

"You're drunk I didn't break a rule."

"You aren't allowed to say that word. And again ouch."

"Even if I hit you in the head?"

"Even then."

"Then I'm not sorry, but I should call my mom, and tell her I'm sorry."

"Did you hit your mom in the head?"
"No but Brian, I fucked you after 20 minutes when I was 17, what the fuck was I doing?"
"You were doing me, and it was hot."

"Yeah but my mom must have been really upset."

Brian chuckled, "She got over it."

"I'm never getting over it, we have to switch rooms."

"We're not switching rooms."

"Hunter was naked in our room."

"Well, it's not the first time Hunters been naked."

"It better be the first time he's been naked in our bed."

"I'm sure it was."

"Oh god Brian, what if it wasn't?"
Brian reached for another joint, and lit it, inhaling deeply and passing it to Justin who was obviously not stoned enough yet. "I'm sure it was."

"He had her tied to the bed."

"Mmmmmm hmmmm." There was no good response to that statement.

"We have to sell the house, we need a whole new house"

"Brian sat up, put out the roach Justin was holding and pulled Justin off the sofa, "That's it, lets go."

"Where are we going?"
"To bed, we're going to re-christen it."
"I'm serious, we're never ever ever having sex there again."

"Okay." Brian continued to lead the staggering blonde towards the bedroom.

"Never ever ever ever ever."

Brian nodded at him, while they walked upstairs.

"Not ever again."

He pushed Justin back on the bed, pulling off his pants, and then his shirt. The entire time Justin was simply repeating the phrase "never ever"

When they were both naked Brian allowed Justin to continue mumbling as his mouth moved along the boys body.

He rolled him over, and Justin was now moaning but the words were the same "never ever ever again." Brian let him continue the mantra as he slowly moved his tongue in and out of Justin's ass. It was almost two full minutes before Justin's moans of never ever became more coherent.

"HEY! I was making a point here."
"Me too." Brian replied, continuing to move his tongue. He reached for a condom and moved up Justin's back, his tongue dragging along his spine as the blonde buried his head into the pillow continuing to insist that they would never again have any kind of sex in this bed.

When Brian pushed himself inside Justin pushed back, moaning Brian's name, his drunken fog lifting slightly as he realized that Brian had tricked him. And then he let the lovely feelings wash over him, deciding that they could sell the bed in the morning.

When morning arrived the two of them were too hung over to list the bed on ebay.

"I think you broke a rule."

Brian's looked at him questioningly, "I don't have rules"

"I said never, and then…"

"Didn't feel like redecorating just because…" Brian trailed off, not knowing what to say that wouldn't enrage Justin again. It didn't work.

"FUCK!"

"You do realize that eventually you'll have to get over this."

"I'll be over it once Hunter is dead."
Brian pulled Justin closer, "We can't kill him, Ben's pretty strong, I think he could take us."

"Fuck Ben."

"I did, and I don't do repeats"

Justin reached over Brian for a cigarette, rolled onto his back and lit it. "We have to fix this."

"What's to fix?"
"He's fucking my sister."

Justin inhaled deeply and Brian took the cigarette from him, taking a drag and handing it back, "She'll be okay."

"What if she's not."

"You keep acting like this and she won't tell you if she's not."

Exhaling he considered the wisdom of Brian's words. "You know that thing you do?"
Brian raised his eyebrows, "Which thing?"
"The thing where everyone thinks you're an asshole but in the end you're doing it for their own good even if they never figure it out and stay mad at you for a long time?"
Brian nodded. "Yeah?"
"Lets do that."

Brian laughed, "I've never done it just because someone was fucking your sister."

Justin groaned at hearing the words coming out of someone else's mouth. "But we could do it, an evil master plan."

"My plans aren't evil."

"Sometimes they are."

"They're for everyone's own good, and I don't even do that thing you're accusing me of anyway."

"Oh, you sooo do it. You did it to Mikey on his birthday, and you did it to me before the Rage party and you did it to me when I dropped out of school and you did it to me when you were sick…"

"Hey, you do it to me a lot."

Brian stared up at the ceiling, not enjoying this little trip down "Brian's an asshole lane"

"Don't know what you're talking about, C'mon, I've got to be at the office in less than an hour, and you stink."

"We both stink, and Hunter's fucking my sister."

"Well a shower will fix all that."

"You're not making any sense." Justin's eyes narrowed.

Brian shrugged, "you haven't made sense since we walked in on them."

They showered, dressed and Brian went off to work with promises from Justin that there would be no murder planning without him. "Remember I'm the brains of this operation."

Justin snorted but agreed that he would not kill Hunter today.

His work in the studio had a very angry aspect to it, and a lot of images that if looked at carefully might resemble a creepy little skate rat being decapitated. The work may never see the light of day but he felt a little better, and sometime after two headed over to Lindsay's to see Gus and JR.

Lindsay was on Brian's side, she thought it was cute and amusing, and was actually happy for Hunter and Molly.

"you're right." She said, "They shouldn't have used your bed."

He leaned his head back, why did nobody get this. "he shouldn't be"…he glanced over at Gus happily playing "WITH my sister."

"Justin, think about how hard Hunter's had it, and he's positive, your sister may be one of the few people, let alone girls his age, who can understand."

"Why because I'm gay?"
"Because she sort of knows our bizarre incestuous little family, and because she cares about you and Brian, and because she understands things, and because she and Hunter, well, they seem to really like each other."

Justin's head snapped up, his eyes meeting Lindsay's "You've known about this?"
"For a little while, I see Hunter when I drop off JR, and then Molly seemed to be around a lot, and then she needed a woman to talk to."

Justin dropped his head in his hands again. "You told her it was okay?"

"Not to use your bed, not even to sleep with Hunter, but if they were going to, well, we can't all have Brian teaching us can we?"

"So you've known."

"I've know they were dating, I had a feeling it was moving on to more, but Justin, they're sweet, they're young and they think they're in love."

"With that stupid hustler, she's in love with that little rat bastard hustler."

"Justin, you're not being fair."

"How am I supposed to be fair when he's…"

"Yes, I've heard, he's with your sister."

"Lindsay, they shouldn't be together, she's going to get hurt."

"She probably will, first love hurts."

"Then we have to stop it."

"Justin, do you remember your first love?"

"How can I forget it, I live with him."

"Yes but do you remember when you didn't care, I mean about anything other than seeing him, not about what your parents thought, or we thought, or what anyone told you."

"I was a stupid kid, a stupid stupid kid."

"You were in love, and nothing anyone said could make you believe that there was anything else in the world for you but Brian."

"There wasn't, there still isn't."
Lindsay smiled, "There is, but you have Brian as a part of all that now."

"But that's not how it works, I mean not for most people, not for anyone really, I was lucky."

"Lucky?"
"You don't think I was lucky?"

"I think you were very lucky, after a lot of hard work."

"Lindz, he's gonna hurt her."

"I don't think he is."

Justin gritted his teeth. "You're telling me I'm just supposed to accept this?"
"What option do you have?"

"There's the killing him and burying him behind the lake."

Lindsay smiled, "and aside from that?"
Justin sighed deeply. Will you come for brunch, Sunday? I'm thinking I'll have a whole family get together."

"We'll be there."

"You know I'd invite Mel but…"

"It's okay, it'll just be me and the kids, no need for you and Brian to blow gaskets at the same time, you're much better when you're taking turns."

Justin smiled ruefully, "I think it's been my turn for a little too long." He glanced at his watch, "I've got to go, thanks."

"Anytime."

Lindsay finished folding the laundry kissed Justin on the cheek, and watched him walk out, knowing he'd eventually come to terms with this.

The week passed, and everyone agreed to come, His mother, Molly, Michael, Ben, Hunter, Ted, Emmett, Blake, Deb, even Carl. Brian wasn't sure what Justin had in mind, but he was determined to find out before there was a melee in his dining room.

They were getting undressed for bed, it was Saturday night and they'd spent a quiet day for them, studio work, client account catch-up, take out Chinese. They were both a little buzzed from the joint they'd shared earlier, but mostly they were both just tired.

"So what's on the agenda for tomorrow?"
"Brunch."

"I mean ulterior motive wise?"

"No ulterior motives, just figured that a lovely brunch with our entire extended incestuous stupid family would be fun."

"Fun." Brian rolled the word around on his tongue like he'd never heard it before.

"Fun, you know, that thing you have when you're not miserable."

"I know, I've just never thought of it connected with the word family."

"You have fun with Gus."

"Not in the middle of a shit storm."

"It's not going to be anything like that, if they're a couple, then they can act like one, showing up at family functions and behaving like adults."

Brian smiled, "You're trying to scare them away from each other."

Justin threw his shirt at him "I am not, I'm just welcoming the new couple into the fold."

Brian rolled himself on top of a now naked Justin, "let me welcome you into a fold of our own."

Chapter 29

Brunch started of well, until Jennifer and Molly arrived. Everything seemed to get quiet. Hunter walked towards Molly taking her hand in his. Chatter started back up as the all moved to the dining room. Justin clenched his teeth and watched as the two sat next to each other.

He was cutting up fruit when Brian grabbed a full serving dish to put out. "Make them put their hands above the table."

Brian smirked, "what is it you think they're doing under there?"
"Same thing you used to do to me."

"You never seemed to mind."

Justin chopped louder.

"Don't hurt yourself this is supposed to be fun remember?"

Justin flashed him a grin, it was fake, but it was a start. "Fun."

The rest of brunch went relatively well. Small glances were aimed at the newest couple, and then back at Justin to see how he was handling it, but he kept himself in check. By the time they reached coffee and dessert conversation was back to regular topics, Blue and her recently winning another show, Brian and Justin's progress on the home gym, Where Molly was thinking of applying for college.

It was well after three before the house was empty again, except for Lindsay and Gus. Michael and Ben had taken JR for a couple of days, Hunter and Molly had gone off together to see a movie, and the rest had disbursed to their own lives.

Lindsay sat back on the sofa in the den, and put in a Dora The Explorer Disc for Gus to watch, she was tired.

Justin felt no better about the situation, but he had brought his anger somewhat under control, hopefully Molly would choose a school well away from the little interloper and that would be that. He held on to that hope while he turned on the dishwasher and joined Lindsay and Brian in the den.

"Well that WAS fun."

"Shut up, it was nice to see everyone."

Lindsay smiled, "It went smoothly."

"Yes, I didn't kill him."

"And we're all very proud of you." Brian said as he pulled Justin down almost on top of him.

The three of them sat in silence for a while, tired and relaxed, listening to the background noise of the Dora show as Gus slept on the rug in front of the TV.

"Should we move him to a bed?"
Lindsay looked up, "let him sleep, he's fine there for now."

"So, have you heard back from the college?"

Brian looked up "What College?"

"Oh, Allegheny Community College Needed a Director of their art program, I had an interview but I'm sure they'll find someone more qualified."

Brian nodded, "Capwill is the Dean there."

"You know the dean of ACC?"
"They use us for their ads sometimes Brian shrugged, and I went to school with him."

"Brian, no phone calls, I get the job or I don't, on my own merits."

"No phone calls." Brian repeated.

When Gus woke up he seemed to have more energy than ever, and Lindsay took him outside to run around.

"Brian she meant it when she said no phone calls."

"She didn't say anything about emails, or lunch."

"Brian."

He smirked, "Relax, I'll let Lindsay get the job on her own merits."

The next week seemed to fly by for Justin; he had his creative force back. Yes, he was having a few more anxiety attacks then before, but he was still seeing his therapist twice a week, he made it to the appointments on his own, and was usually on time. He was working on something he thought might be brilliant and was totally focused on it.

Thursday Brian knocked on the door. "Here, I picked them up for you."

"Thanks." Justin took the bag with his medication in it; Brian drove by the pharmacy on the way home so he usually picked them up.

"Come on in."

Brian was surprised; it had been a while since Justin had allowed him into the studio. It was a mess again, full ashtrays, empty water bottles, but, Brian noticed also, food wrappers. "We need to let Magdalena in here again."

"Yeah when I'm done with that." Justin gestured to a large canvas covered with a sheet. "Still not ready for viewing?'

"Nope."

Brian picked up the medicine bottled he'd handed to Justin and took them back towards the bathroom to replace the old ones.

"What the fuck?"

"What?"
"When did you stop taking these?"

"Justin shrugged, about a week ago, I'm doing well, I don't need them anymore."

He shrugged. "Take them okay."

"I really am okay now, I'm not obsessing, I'm sleeping, I just don't need to be drugged all the time to function."

Brian nodded, hoping Justin was right. He walked out of the studio and went upstairs to change, when he came back to the den Justin was there.

"Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad."

"You're something."

"I'm something else." Brian smirked.

"Seriously, I have been doing better without those things, you haven't had to worry about me, I haven't had to worry about myself, c'mon, this is a good thing. It's over."

Brian nodded. "That would be good."

"You don't think it's over?"
"We'll see."

Justin gave him a bright smile, "you look tense." He crawled next to Brian and began soothing his shoulders with gentle fingers. He kissed the top of Brian's head when he leaned it back.

"Here, sit on the floor, so I can work you over." His eyebrows shot up but he complied, and allowed Justin's fingers to work their way down his shoulders and arms, along the muscles of his back, and eventually he found himself laying face down on the floor, the little blonde straddling his hips as he cracked his back for him and continued using his fingers and hands work through the tight knots of muscles.

It had all started innocently enough but when Justin's hands moved lower down his waist, slipping under the waistband of his already unbuttoned jeans he felt it become something else.

Justin worked Brian's muscles, feeling the tension leave them, wanting to show him that he was okay again, able to take care of Brian for a change, and just wanting the older man to relax. He worked diligently, as he did with everything, not stopping until he was sure he had done everything he possibly could. He felt the change in Brian's breathing as his hands slipped down below his waistband, and he felt himself harden when he noticed that Brian was, as usual, not wearing any underwear. He continued his massage, slowly, deliberately, not changing the rhythm or the pressure, simply moving lower until Brian spun underneath him and their eyes locked.

Brian waited for Justin to make a move, but he didn't he continued to slowly massage his lower back, but the small grinding movements he was making against his ass were about more than a massage. Brian could be patient, but he had his limits, eventually he decided it was time to take what he wanted. He flipped over quickly, and their eyes met.

Justin smiled; licking his lips as Brian pulled his lower lip between his own teeth and released it in a gesture Justin was pretty sure would raise him from the grave just to kiss this man one more time. He leaned in and their mouths met. Brian's hands were on Justin's thighs, sliding up and kneading the round globes of his ass through the fabric of cargo pants he'd been wearing in the studio.

He ran his hand along the seam that followed the crack of Justin's ass and watched as the blonde's eyes darkened with want, and smirked, as he seemed to be readying himself already. Justin's hands slid lower, unzipping Brian's jeans and pulling them down just a bit, his eyes now mesmerized by Brian's throbbing cock, he slid lower on Brian's body, mouth literally watering as he pushed his head down, taking the entire member down his throat in a swift movement that elicited a gasp from Brian who buried his hands in the blonde hair. Justin used every trick he knew, moving his head and his tongue, using his throat, and his mouth, sucking and licking. He released Brian from his mouth only to flatten his tongue along the base of the shaft and run it along the vein that ran there. The soft hot tongue, and the sight of Justin enjoying himself by giving such pleasure made Brian impossibly harder.

Justin started licking again, and in moments Brian was coming down Justin's throat, as he swallowed, the thick hot liquid sliding deliciously down his mouth. Only when Justin was sure that he had milked Brian dry, did he remove his mouth, sitting up with a very satisfied grin on his face.

"Well that relieved some tension."

Justin laughed and leaned his body against Brian's, "Maybe yours, but now I'm all tense."

His strong arms pulled the blonde closer as he rolled them over.

"Fuck me Brian, I want you to fuck me."

Brian didn't need to hear it to know what he wanted, but it didn't make it less hot. He grabbed a condom out of his pocket, still not bothering to fully remove his jeans. As he pulled Justin's cargo pants off of him the feeling of his body wriggling to assist him heightened his arousal. He pulled Justin forward until he was in line with his ass and Justin's legs were wrapped around his back. Justin's mouth was open, his breathing shallow with need, his body jumped at the lightest touch and Brian pushed into him, showing no mercy, finding the sensitive bundle of nerves and pushing into it, swiping the head of his cock against it, never letting up.

Justin had lost all words, all he could feel was the bolts of electricity shooting from his center to his toes, to his fingertips, through his body with no respite,

"So close, Brian, close"

Brian's hands ran up his chest, pushing his paint stained t-shirt towards his neck and tweaked at his nipples and then slid his strong palms along the sides and up to Justin's shoulder blades, pulling him up, making his back arch more, his body take him deeper. "Come for me." And Justin did, he came, his muscles tightening around Brian, pulling him as deep as he could go. Brian kept his rhythm, never stopping his assault on Justin's prostate until he could feel the quivering throughout his entire body. He released his hold and Justin fell back, and as he leaned over him he pushed again, and Justin's eyes shot open as a wicked look crossed Brian's face.

Brian started again, leaving the blonde no time to catch his breath. He continued to move inside him and Justin was sure that this time Brian would kill him with his insatiable appetite, this time his body would just disintegrate under the barrage of sensations but he felt himself harden again, felt his body respond, and met Brian's strokes, his hands pulling him closer, his dick loving the feel of Brian's body rubbing against it. He came again, and this time Brian came with him. Justin's body jerked so hard, spasmed and clamped down on Brian so tightly it almost hurt, almost. Brian threw back his head and emitted a deep growl as his entire body shook with the force of his orgasm. And while watching Justin's body, writhe and twitch he couldn't help but bump a few more times against the sweet spot, watching Justin's back arch, his fingers reach for something, anything, but finding only hardwood beneath him he lay his hands flat against the wood and used the leverage to raise his body closer to Brian's, his back arched so that only his shoulders were on the floor. He gasped, and moaned, and then finally Brian withdrew, and he collapsed, trembling.

Brian pulled his cigarettes and lighter off the coffee table as he lay beside Justin on the hardwood floor. The rug they had started on was askew and nowhere near them anymore. He inhaled deeply and offered the cigarette to Justin who tried to grab it but then simply flopped his hand back down deciding it was too much energy.

Laughing Brian held the cigarette up to Justin's lips, and let him inhale. He took another drag himself. Justin exhaled deeply, concentrating on getting his breathing back to normal.

The phone rang.

They both turned towards each other, mouths open each to command the other to get it. Instead they kissed. Eventually the phone stopped ringing. Then it rang, again. Then Brian's jeans began to ring and he cursed. He cursed louder when he saw who it was.

"Mommy's dead."
"Fuck when?"
"She… I just, She was home and now she's gone. I found her."

"Claire, calm the fuck down, where are you now?"

"I'm at her house, they took her away Brian."

Brian rolled his eyes and sighed, "I'll be there soon okay?"

"Brian," she was sobbing.

"Did you call anyone else?"
She made a noise that Brian interpreted as a no.

"Okay call the minister, I'm sure he'll come to keep you company and I'll get there when I can."

Claire made another sound that Brian chose to interpret as a yes and hung up the phone.

"Fuck?"
"What's wrong?"

"My mother died."

Justin was struck dumb; he had no idea what to say. "Brian, I'm…"

"Don't even think about saying you're sorry, I've got shit to do, Claire's already falling apart and I'm gonna be stuck with this mess."

"You know I'll help."

"Yeah, thanks, I've got to go, she's sitting in the her house waiting for me."

"Claire?"

"No, my dead mother."

"Brian."

He kissed Justin and sat up, looking for his shirt.

"I'm coming with you."

"You don't have to."

"I'm coming with you."

Brian nodded and together they gathered their clothes, and drove in to his mother's house. By the time they got there Justin had used his time wisely and called all of their family to let them know, Michael was waiting at the door when Brian and Justin arrived.

"I figured you could use some help, you know, at least to handle Claire while you handle the other stuff."

Brian kissed Michael on the mouth and let Mikey hug him

"Thanks."
Michael nodded and Brian walked in, Michael and Justin flanking him on either side.

Claire was crying the good Reverend Butterfield holding her hand in the dimly lit room.

She stood up as soon as she saw Brian and clung to him.

Brian resisted the urge to push her off and run, he hated this woman, he hated his mother, he wasn't even that fond of the good Reverend, but he stood expressionless, motionless and emotionless while Claire cried against him. Eventually he looked up to meet the concerned face of the minister.

"What the fuck happened?"

"It seems your mother took a fall late last night, or early this morning. Claire came by to bring her to church for the Late Sunday Service and found her. She was gone when the EMT's got here, apparently she'd been gone for some time, they think she may have had a heart attack, which caused the fall.

"Or she was too fucking drunk and fell down the goddamned stairs."

"Brian!" both Claire and Michael berated. Brian rolled his eyes and Justin just put his hand on the small of Brian's back, wanting to lend him comfort, but having no idea how at the moment.

"We'll need to make arrangements." The reverend said, I can hold the service as early as Tuesday, will you be having a wake?"

Brian pushed Claire off of him and steered her towards the reverend, who sat her down and continued to hold her hand, passing her a box of tissues.

"I don't know." Brian said

The reverend nodded, "Of course. It's just that the hospital needs a signature to release the body, and you'll need to find a funeral home, and…"

"I know what the fuck I'm doing." Brian said, "I did this for my father already."

The reverend nodded silently and Brian took the stairs two at a time to get away from the scene downstairs.

Michael stayed with Claire; Justin followed Brian and found him sitting on what must have been his parent's bed.

"She's got a plot, right next to dads, I've just got to find the name of the cemetery and the funeral home we used" He opened a drawer on the far side of the room. "She always kept the important papers here. Under her one good pair of earrings and her mothers watch."

Justin sat silently while Brian riffled through the papers finding what he needed. He made a few terse phone calls and then continued to move as if in a daze, seemingly unaware of Justin's presence, possibly talking to himself.

"Should dress her in a leather corset and fuck me pumps, just to piss her off." He pushed dress after dress aside until he found something he seemed satisfied with. "This'll do."

He headed back downstairs.

"Martins will be picking her up, I've got to drop these off, he held up the suit and shoes, so that they can get her ready. We'll have a wake Tuesday, figure on a church service and graveside burial on Wednesday."

The Reverend nodded.

Brian leaned in and kissed Mikey again, You can get out of here now, Claire's got a lot to do, and so do I, and I'm sure you're needed at the store, thanks."

Michael nodded; extricating his hand from Claire's and both Justin and Michael followed Brian out.

By the time they got home Brian was silent, his face blank, and they both went to bed, neither saying much.

In the morning they headed towards the funeral home.

"Fuck, did I bring my checkbook?"
"Brian, I'm sure you can write them a check after it's all…."

"No, they're gonna want payment, dammit, check the glove compartment."

Justin did, "yeah, you've got a check book in there."

Brian lit a cigarette and the rest of the trip was interrupted only by the voice of the radio announcer.

When they got to the Martins Funeral Home Brian seemed to steel himself before entering, and Justin felt like he should be doing something, anything to help him but he didn't know what, or how.

"I need to be stoned to do this."

Justin held Brian's hand, "I'll be here for you."

Brian nodded, his face blank. A short man in a conservative suit came to greet them and take them back to a small wood paneled office.

Brian gave him the details he'd need to place the obituary, and agreed to times and discussed locations.

"Where will the wake be held?"

"The Church,"

The man nodded, and wrote down the address, "Now, we'll need you to choose a casket"

Justin saw Brian flinch but just held his hand tighter. The man opened the door in the back of his office that led to a showroom, and Brian looked at the dozens of models laid out expensive sports cars. He walked slowly around them his face remaining blank. Justin stood back, watching him run his hands along the smooth tops of the grisly boxes and tried to read his expression, but Brian wouldn't raise his eyes. Eventually he climbed into one and laid down.

"Brian, c'mon, I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to be taken for a test drive."

Brian frowned, "This one's too short, promise me when you bury me I won't have to lay with my knees bent for eternity."

Justin took a sharp inhale of breath "I'm not promising anything, I'm not burying you, you're not dying."

"Justin, we all die."

"Yeah well, not today, only one Kinney a day gets to die, so…out of the fucking coffin."

Brian pulled the lid closed over himself and Justin panicked.

He'd had this image, this dream this fucking nightmare so many times, Brian dead, the final time they close the casket, and now he was standing here watching it. He started to hyperventilate.

"Brian! It's not fucking funny." He pulled the lid up and Brian was laughing.

Brian was laughing until he saw Justin's face. He pulled himself out of the box quickly and pulled Justin to him,

"It was a joke."

"Well it wasn't fucking funny"

"I'm not going anywhere"

"You fucking better not."

"You okay?" he felt Justin nod against his chest and pull back a little, and the two of them continued to look around the showroom. "I wonder what the markup is on these?"
"Why? Are you gonna haggle with the guy?"
"No, I'm just saying there's no way this thing costs like seven grand to make."

"Yeah well, it's not like you have to buy more than one."

"Whatever, this one." He pointed to a simple black box, white satin inside, silver hardware. Justin nodded, looks good to me.

The funeral director came back in, "have we made a decision?"
"That one." Brian repeated, pointing to it.

"And would you like an embellishment?"
Brian stared at him.

"On the top, we can put an emblem, if she was a member of a union, or a dove or a cross."

Brian smiled, "How bout a gay pride symbol?"
Justin hit him in the chest.

He turned his attention to the Funeral director, "A cross, she was religious"

The man nodded and went back to his office to finish the paperwork. "Brian you have to take this seriously?"
"Why?"
Justin was at a loss, he shrugged, "Suit yourself."

They finished the paperwork and brought the suit and shoes for his mother in from the car. And they left.

Deb, Michael Ben and Lindsay were all at the house when they got back.

Brian walked past them all and went upstairs.

"How's he holding up kiddo?"
"He's fine I guess, I mean, he's Brian, he's just doing what he has to do."

Debbie put a comforting arm on Justin's shoulder, "he does that, but he pretends to be a lot tougher than he is, you make sure he's okay, got it?"
Justin nodded, "Oh and tell him not to worry about the wake, Emmet and I will handle the catering." Justin nodded again and went upstairs to make sure Brian was okay.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Debbie and Emmett are going to cater the wake."

"Good." Brian lit a joint and deeply inhaled, not even bothering to offer a hit to Justin. "I don't fucking need this right now."

Justin said nothing, hoping Brian might open up, express something other than aggravation but he wasn't too hopeful. They'd been together six years, what Justin was really hoping for was that the fallout didn't have too high of a body count.

The wake went as expected, flowers, Claire crying hysterically, Lasagna and a Deli Platter. Brian was half stoned and mostly drunk through the entire thing but managed to be morose and subdued, which was far better than belligerent and loud, so everyone was simply relieved that for the moment chaos had been averted.

Justin drove them back, Brian was in no state to drive, or talk apparently, he was lost in his own thoughts.

Brian glanced over at Justin and scared himself with how comforted he was that Justin was still there, still with him. He was an orphan, he'd wished for it for so long, wanted his parents, his past, gone. Wanted to be free of that house, and that family and now he had everything he wanted, his own company, an amazingly hot guy who never seemed to tire of him and his parents were both gone. His childhood was gone, behind him, and he was… Sad. He ran the emotion over in his head several times, trying to make it something else.

Anger made sense, joy made sense, relief made sense, sadness didn't and no matter how many time he tired to turn it into something else, no matter how many times he told himself he was thinking about it wrong he couldn't feel anything but loss. Fuck, he'd said goodbye to his mother years ago, probably before he'd written his father off. He may have hated the old man, hated Jack for hitting him, for not wanting him, for being the backslapping breeder he never wanted to be, but there was a part of him that understood Jack Kinney.

There was a part of Brian that knew that he was a lot like his father, that settling down, tying himself to a single person, trying to live up to what one person wanted, was beyond him. And while he'd hated his dad for the drinking and the hitting, he'd at least understood some of the reasoning behind it. What he never understood what Joan.

Why would you put up with that shit? He didn't understand staying voluntarily with someone who hated you. He'd gotten the fuck out as soon as he could, and Joan had stayed. He'd offered her an out once, when he'd first had the money, told her she could go anywhere, he'd help, but she stayed. "I don't believe in divorce." She'd told him. But she believed in staying perpetually drunk. Staying unhappy and unloved with a man who hated her, hated his life, and his family. Brian hated his mother because he couldn't respect her, couldn't understand her, and she had never tried to understand him.

He knew, he knew that he'd never really tried, never given her a chance to understand him but even if she had, her church, if not her reverend, was clear on fags, and what an abomination they were. His mother loved Claire, because she'd done her duty, married an asshole, had snotty bratty little grandchildren for her, and that was more respectable than living an honest life. He took the vial out of his pocket and snorted. He needed to be far more fucked up than he was because his head was spinning and the funeral was tomorrow and he should be angry, and joyous and relieved and instead he was sad.

Justin glanced at Brian's blank expression as he drove them back to the house, he watched his fingers become whiter as his fists tightened, and he wanted to reach out, to touch him, to tell him it was okay, whatever he was feeling was okay, but he was not sure how Brian would take it. He wanted to lighten the mood, but he didn't know how. He saw Brian take a snort and wondered what it was he was taking. He seemed far too calm for it to be coke, and Brian wasn't a crystal fan. He watched carefully. He resigned himself to watching Brian carefully for the next few days.

His downward spiral, and Justin wasn't new at this, that's what this was gonna be, was gonna spin fast. Justin sat up a little straighter in the car, getting his head ready for his one and only job at this point, to make sure that wherever Brian spun off to, he came back, in one piece. That at the end of this they were both in once piece and still together.

With that in mind Justin pulled into the driveway and led Brian to the bedroom to let him release whatever pent up feelings he had in the way he did best. They didn't talk, they said nothing, but their bodies communicated as they always did. Justin making it clear that he was here for Brian, and Brian making it clear that he needed to lose himself in the physical sensation. And when they'd both spoken their piece, without words, they crashed. Sleeping fitfully, but sleeping.

Chapter 30

The funeral service was long; the reverend had known Joan, probably better than anyone else. The pews were sparsely populated. Mel, Lindz, Michael Ben, Ted, Emmett, Deb, Carl, and Justin all sat close to Brian. There were a few people sitting near Claire, mostly older women from the church who were trying to comfort her, and then there was the gaggle of churchgoers who felt it their duty to attend.

All of his friends and family kept shooting looks at Brian, waiting for him to do something inappropriate. He stayed perfectly still. He knew what they were expecting, and there was a strong part of him that wanted to do just that, to get up, say a few well-chosen nasty words and then leave, but he didn't feel like he had the energy. He concentrated on the feel of Justin's fingers, running through the hair at the back of his neck, and steeled himself, he was not going to fucking cry for this bitch.

Justin watched Brian's face carefully but surreptitiously, he knew that too much scrutiny might set Brian off, at this point, just about anything might set Brian off. He continued to run his fingers through the fine soft hairs at the nape of Brian's neck, just letting him know he was there, there wasn't much else he could do.

The minister finally finished and they all filed out to head to the cemetery. Brian Justin, Claire and her two kids in the limo, everyone else following.

"I can't believe you brought him." Claire said. The way she spit out the word made it clear what she thought of Justin, and his relationship with Brian.

Justin said nothing, and Brian opened his mouth to say something and then stopped. "I want him here."

Claire was crying again, using tissue after tissue, as her kids pushed and poked at each other, insulting one another and studiously keeping their attention away from Justin, who was glaring at them grimly. His animosity towards anyone who tried to hurt Brian was automatic, but he knew how much this kid had hurt Brian, how much it had hurt when his entire family had believed his insane accusations about him, and Justin wasn't sure he'd ever be able to forgive him for that. But it wasn't the issue today. Today was merely about getting through.

The graveside ceremony was blessedly short, and Brian wandered off before he had to watch Claire fall to pieces as the kids put a flower on their grandmother's grave and it was lowered into the ground.

He found the vial and took a couple of hits. Justin watched his back and thought he might be crying; when he walked over he realized that wasn't what was making Brian's body shake like that. He wrapped an arm around his waist, lending his support wordlessly. Brian held the vial out to him, and Justin shook his head, one of them needed to stay clear headed.

The food was again laid out at his mother's house. Brian had already called Jennifer and told her that it was going to need to be listed. He'd deal with Claire later, there was nothing in the house that he wanted, she could have it all, but he wanted the house gone, out of the family, out of his life.

"Christ, doesn't she ever shut up." Brian asked, hearing Claire start another crying jag.

Justin didn't say anything, leaning against him and hoping they could leave soon.

He got his wish; five minutes later Brian approached Michael, "I need my keys." Michael had followed in Brian's car, Ben in his own so that Brian would be able to leave when he needed to. Justin stood up. "Why don't you let me drive."?

Brian nodded and Michael handed the keys to Justin, while Brian leaned down and kissed him. "Thanks."

They left.

"Home?"
Brian nodded. And as soon as they were back at the house he went upstairs and changed. He was pacing the floor like a caged tiger and Justin was more than concerned. Eventually Brian kissed Justin lightly. "I've got to go out." Justin nodded. "I'll see you when you get back."

There was a time when he might have tried to stop him, tried to go with him, tried to change the inevitable but he was past that now.

Brian walked into the baths, it had been a while, but the smell never changed, sweat, and sex, and something less pleasant, something fetid and rank, and all of it made his dick hard tonight. He cruised the rooms looking for something, and found it. A larger room, a press of bodies, none of them too disgusting, some of them even hot, and he moved in, pulling a tall brunette to his body, and pushing him down, where he eagerly complied. Hands found him, stroking his chest, his back, his ass, and for a while he was awash in pleasure, no emotion had a chance to surface, and when he came, he simply turned towards another man, smaller, more olive in complexion. He slid on a condom and fucked the guy without even seeing his face, feeling the heat from the mass of bodies writhing around him, hearing the moans and grunts of anonymous pleasure, and when he was spent, he showered and grabbed his clothes from the locker and stopped at Woody's for a couple more drinks before he went back to the house.

It was almost three am when Justin heard the garage door, and he stopped pacing. He sat down and pretended to be casually reading something, in fact he'd bitten all his nails to the quick and hadn't truly been able to breathe or relax until Brian returned. Brian was still blank, still dazed, but he looked tired, and less angry, and Justin walked him to bed, and they slept, neither speaking.

When he awoke in the morning it was to the familiar feel of Justin's arm slung across his chest, his head leaning on his shoulder drooling a little, and Brian smiled to himself, and then stopped. This was a bad idea. He didn't want Justin to end up like Joan, making him content with less than he wanted or deserved. He slid out from under the kid and showered. He felt the cold air as Justin joined him. "How was last night?"
"It was alright," Brian said, tongue in cheek.

"Where'd you go, Adonis, the Gravel Pit, that new place?"

Brian smirked, what makes you so sure I went to the baths?
Justin kissed him, and then whispered hotly into his ear. "I know you."

Brian pushed him away, "You don't know everything."

Justin shrugged, "So if you didn't go to the baths, where'd you go?"
Brian ignored him while he finished showering and silently got dressed for work. "I'll be home late, client meeting."

Justin nodded and pulled on studio suitable attire.

He was immersed in a highly detailed piece when his hand gave out on him. "Fuck."

He shook his hand and tried to straighten his fingers, it hurt. Glancing up at the clock he realized it was well past seven and he'd been in the studio all day, he showered, paying extra attention to letting the hot water soothe the sore muscles in his hand and pulled on a robe, padding upstairs to put on clothes that wouldn't ruin the sofa with paint and chemicals.

He looked in the fridge and found nothing appetizing but grabbed an apple and some leftover pizza. It was almost nine when Brian came home.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"You hungry?"

"I ate with the client."

Justin nodded and accepted Brian's kiss.

"I've got to be at the lawyers tomorrow, official will reading." Brian poured himself a drink.

"You want me there."

"I'll be fine."

"What time?"

"Nine thirty."

"I'll meet you there, leave me the address." Brian downed his drink and poured another, "Don't worry about it."

Justin nodded, "Your call."

Brian sat down next to Justin, not touching him. Still in his suit he glanced at the clock and wordlessly walked upstairs. Justin didn't follow, if Brian wanted his space, he'd give it to him. When he came back down he was obviously not planning a quiet night in.

"Got an appointment?"

Brian shrugged, "I'll be home."

"I know."

Brian left and Justin wanted to punch a wall, to scream, to do something, anything that would make him talk, but he knew nothing would work, that this was part of the Brian Kinney operating manual, pain management 101.

Brian sped out of the suburbs and back into the city, not sure where he was headed, mostly just sure he needed to feel something else, something besides the sympathy and pity he was getting from everyone. He didn't even like his mother, why did they all act like it was such a sad thing that the bitch was gone? He drove faster and found himself on Liberty Avenue, not a surprise; he had known where he was going from the start.

He considered his options. Babylon was gone, they had turned the space into a strip mall, with a Rapkins restaurant and a Hallmark shop that specialized in gay themed crap. There was boy toy, but he had one of those, meat hook, but he really wasn't in the mood to deal with all the fucking bullshit there, Popperz, which seemed to have replaced Babylon as the vanilla club of choice but none of them were really what he was looking for. He cruised the street, and found what he wanted.

The guy was well-built, broad chest, great abs, he looked back, the guy watched him walk, and within a few moments they were in the alley between Popperz and the bookstore. He leaned his head back against the cold brick of the wall, it was mid November and he could see his breath as he exhaled. He concentrated on the swirls his breath made while he felt the orgasm shoot through him. He zipped back up and walked away, muttering something that sounded like thanks.

He was looking for something more and he knew he'd have to find Eddie or Anita to get what he wanted. If Anita's clientele was still the same she'd probably be at Popperz, or thereabouts. He paged Eddie who met him on the corner fifteen minutes later, the transaction was made quickly, and Brian was restocked when he headed to Woody's for a drink.

He arrived back at the house around 3:30 and Justin decided not to say anything about him being late. They'd never actually discussed curfew's, it hadn't seemed necessary at the time, and now it seemed more important that Brian just come home, he didn't care what time, he just wanted him there.

Brian kicked off his shoes, dropped his jacket on the floor and crawled into bed fully clothed.

Justin took off his pants, and his shirt and curled up next to him, making trying to soothe him, just wanting to be near him but he pushed the blonde away and turned his back making it clear that he didn't want to be comforted.

The next week went by in a similar fashion, Brian went out, got laid, came home smelling of cigarettes, beer and other men, and Justin helped him to bed and wondered how long this was going to last before one of them actually spoke. He didn't care about the tricking, but Brian didn't seem to want to touch him, or talk to him, and that he cared about.

He wasn't usually worried about Brian's pain management skills but then again, he wasn't sure he'd ever seen it this bad either.

Brian wasn't worried about anything, he went to the office, pounded out brilliant campaigns based on the idea that people liked to have sex and bought things when pretty people wore them, used them, or ate them, and he was right. He started keeping a change of clothes at the office so he didn't have to come home before he headed to the bars, the baths or the clubs.

His main concern was Justin, the kid wouldn't leave, and he needed him to. He needed to get Justin away from him before the little twink gave up his whole life and ended up as unhappy and empty as Joan had been. He tried, but Justin wouldn't take the hint. Brian wanted to scream, to yell, to push, but he doubted those things would work this time.

It was almost four am, he was driving back from the club, he'd been at meathook, enjoying the rough and harsh feeling of the place, enjoying the rough and hard fuck he's had earlier, and wondering why none of this was keeping the memories at bay. He was heading back to the house when he remembered his mother. He was six, maybe seven years old, Jack was sitting in his favorite chair, drinking, and Brian had done something to piss Claire off, stolen her doll, or her book or something, he was running down the steps with it and Claire had been following him screaming.

He'd turned around, not looking where he was going and knocked over Jacks bottle. He remembered clearly the sound of breaking glass, the image of the shattered bottle, brown fluid seeping across the linoleum and making its way into the carpet. The entire house seemed to go silent and then Jack was on him. What he remembered was that his mother had thrown herself in between them and had ended up with a broken arm, and bruises that kept her in the house for days. Brian flinched at the memory, it had been the last time she'd tried to protect her son, and it hadn't worked anyway. Jack had gotten to him despite her efforts.

He put his foot down on the gas, trying to drive away from the memory when the car spun. He wasn't aware what was happening at first, his mind lost to memory, his reflexes dulled by drink and drugs and then everything went black

It was five in the morning and Justin was pacing, he'd been late before, but never this late. He called Michael, who hadn't seen him. He called Emmett, who said he'd left Woody's at two, he didn't know who else to call, if he called Deb she'd just worry as well, if he called his mother, well, there's be more explaining than he had time for.

He was unable to think, his anxiety was making him shake. He took a drink to steady himself, lit a cigarette and tried to convince himself that it was all fine, that Brian was grown man, and was just a little later than usual. It was after six when the phone rang.

Justin made record time, and probably broke forty major laws getting to the hospital, but he was there.

"Brian Kinney."
The nurse looked up at him, "Sign in here."

"No. I'm here to see Brian Kinney." His voice was shaking, his body was shaking, his head was spinning. Brian was dead. He knew it. He couldn't breathe.

The woman at the desk looked up from her clipboard, "And you are?"
"I'm his partner, where the fuck is he?"
Then he heard Brian's voice. "Get that thing away from me!"

Justin didn't wait for the nurse to respond, he followed the sound of Brian bellowing. He found him behind a curtain halfway down the hallway fighting off a couple of orderlies.

"Brian."

"Justin, tell them to get that thing the fuck away from me."
"Brian, just…" Justin didn't know what to tell him, his face was bloody, his arm was cut, and the doctors were trying to give him a shot, which Brian apparently was resisting.

Justin walked closer. "What happened?"

"I have no fucking clue, I'm on my way home, and suddenly these assholes are trying to use me like a fucking pincushion."

"We just need to sedate him so we can tend to his wounds and set his arm." one of the orderlies grunted as he tried again to restrain the man.

Brian flailed out and finally the orderlies got one of his arms in restraints. "Get the fuck off me." Brian gritted out as he tried to bat them away with an arm that wasn't working all that well.

"Brian." Justin said it softly, coming to his side; glad he was alive, wanting to kill him for acting like such an asshole. "Brian." He repeated.

"What?"
"Let them take care of you, you're bleeding."

Brian tried to move his hand up to his face where Justin was running his fingers below the cut but his arm didn't seem to cooperate. "Fuck, I think I broke my arm."

Justin took in the odd angle at which his arm was dangling and nodded, "you need to let them fix you."

Brian lay back, his face still showing his defiance, but allowed them to administer the shot. "We need to get his face cleaned up, and get him to X-Ray."

Justin nodded, "What happened?"
"There was a car accident, he was pretty out of it when the EMT's brought him in."

Justin's face went white. Was there, I mean, the people in the other car are they…?"

"No other car, Corvette vs. Tree, seems like the tree won."

Justin nodded, he hadn't killed anyone. He watched them clean up the wound on Brian's head, it wasn't as bad as it had seemed, and the other cuts were mere scratches. He answered their questions as to Brian's health history as they gave him five stitches above his left eyebrow. "We'll have the plastic surgeon come down and do a consult in the morning, make sure there's no scarring." Justin simply nodded. He hated hospitals, he hated medical procedures, he hated doctors, and right now, he hated Brian.

When they wheeled Brian out to get his arm X-rayed he made the calls he'd been dreading.

Two hours later, when Brian was back in the room, his left arm in a cast, shoulder in a sling, everyone had gathered to greet him.

He was awake, and angry, and as his eyes opened his head began to pound harder. "Justin, get me some fucking aspirin."

Justin stood next to him, the rest of the motley crew smiling slightly. "I think the doctor has to okay that first. And um…"

Brian looked up, "The police want to talk to you."

Brian lay his head back on the pillow, "Not now."

"What the fuck are you all doing here?" he asked, eyes still closed.

"Justin called us." Michael said, "Christ, Brian you could have…" Ben put a hand on Michaels arm, shaking his head, now was NOT the time.

Michael stood arms crossed, worried and aggravated. Emmett stood behind Justin, "How you doing sweetie?"

"I'm fine." Justin lied.

"You're not allowed to use that word." Brian said, smiling slightly. Justin smiled too.

"Well, in this instance, I'm fine and you're not."

"No, I'm perfect, dislocated shoulder, broken wrist, and a headache that's trying to kill me from the inside out."

Justin kissed him on the forehead. "I'll see if I can get you some aspirin." Brian nodded eyes still closed.

"The rest of you can go home, I'm not dead, so there's nothing fun left to see."

"I'll stop by tomorrow." Michael said as he kissed his friend. Brian held his arm a moment, "don't worry, it's just a scratch, I've had worse." Michael kissed him again and walked away.

"He has you know, had worse."

Ben nodded, "I've assumed."

"We don't talk about it, he doesn't talk about it."

"Maybe he should be talking about it."

Michael shrugged, "You want to be the one to get Brian to talk about something he doesn't want to?"

Ben smiled, "Good point."

Lindsay had stayed home with the kids but Justin called her to give her an update, and she was relieved. "What's he gonna do?"

"What do you mean?"
"Justin, he can't just pretend this didn't happen."
"No, but we're not there yet, lets start with getting him home before he kills an orderly."

Lindsay gave a small laugh and they both hung up.

When Justin got back to Brian he was alone with Deb. "Make her go away."

"You want me to make Deb do something?"
Brian closed his eyes again, "Deb I'm okay."

"You're fine, you're perfect, you're okay, you're an asshole Brian, and you better pull yourself together."

Brian nodded, "I'll do that right now mom just go home."

Deb kissed him on the forehead, "I'll be by tomorrow with lemon bars, and chicken soup."

"I broke my arm, I don't have a cold."

She smacked him lightly on the head and he winced. "Fine, chicken soup, tomorrow."

She smiled and left.

"Is everyone gone?"

"Yeah, you chased them all away."

"Good, now you can go too."

Justin froze. "I'm not leaving."

"I'll be fine, I'll see you at home."

"Brian you don't have a car."
"WHAT?"

"You totaled the 'vette."

"Fuck, I liked that car."

"Yeah well, I like you more, and you almost totaled yourself."

Brian rolled his eyes and then winced at the pain it caused. "Lets not be a drama queen about this, I was in an accident."

"That the police want to question you about."

"Fuck, was there another car, was anyone else…"

"No, you hit a tree you asshole."

"Why is it that my car gets totaled, my arm is broken, my head feels like it's about to fall off and people can't seem to stop calling me an asshole."
"Because you're an asshole."

"Your education did wonders for your vocabulary."

"Brian…"

Brian put up a hand to stop him. "Can we not do this now."

Justin clamped his mouth closed. "Why do you want me to leave?"

"I said I don't want to do this now."

"Fine."

"And you're still not allowed to use that word."

"Fuck you."

"Later, when we get home."

Justin smiled, "Promise?"

He pulled Justin towards him with his good arm and kissed him, hard. "Promise, now get me the fuck out of here."

It was several hours before they were actually allowed to leave. First the plastic surgeon came, and scheduled an appointment for two weeks, at which point Brian had to come back and have the wound cleaned up, any scar tissue removed etc. Then the police came.

They went over the story time and time again and Brian's answers remained consistent. "By the time the they took blood your tox screen came back clean, but don't do it again." was all the officer said before he left.

Justin didn't say anything, he had known Brian was at the very least drunk when the accident happened but they found no controlled substances in the car, or on him, and his blood alcohol level was below the legal limit once they finally got him tested, he was lucky not to lose is license, but maybe he should have. Justin wasn't really looking forward for a repeat of this morning's activities. On the other hand, maybe this had been enough to bring Brian back to his senses.

Once they'd signed all the paperwork, picked up the prescriptions at the hospital pharmacy and gotten Brian relatively comfortable in the car it was almost noon. They drove home in silence.

Justin was helping Brian out of the car and into the den. He was settled on the couch when he first spoke.

"You should go."

Justin smirked, "yeah, I should go."
He sat down next to Brian, who turned his dark eyes on him with a deadly seriousness. "I'm not kidding, I want you out of here."

"I'm not leaving."

Justin settled his head against Brian's chest, "you're stuck with me."

Brian struggled and moved away from Justin. "You shouldn't be stuck with me."

"I'm not, I chose to be with you." Justin was getting aggravated now. "What the fuck is this about?"
"It's about you. You need to move on."

"Fuck you, I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm not giving you a fucking choice."

"It's not your decision to make."

"I don't get to decide who I live with? Justin, get the fuck out." Brian turned his back to him, pouring himself a drink. He knew Justin was stubborn, and it was killing him to do this but he also knew it was the right thing, the only fair thing for Justin.

"Brian, you shouldn't be drinking with the stuff the doctors gave you."

"You're not my fucking mother."
"No, unlike your mother, I give a shit what happens to you."

Brian turned quickly. "Shut your fucking mouth, you have no idea what you're saying."

Justin took a step back from him, scared. "Brian."

"Just get out." He sat back down on the sofa.

Justin was beyond aggravated, beyond angry, he was irate, he was…he knocked the drink out of Brian's hand, straddled his lap and kissed him, hard, pinning him to the sofa, pushing lightly against his good shoulder, grinding his body against Brian's.

Brian resisted, and then couldn't, opening his mouth and letting the blondes tongue explore the recesses there, he felt Justin nibble on his lower lip, open his mouth fully and kiss him deeply, claiming him in a similar manner to their first kiss when he'd come back. His hands were roaming, carefully but still some how forcefully, and when he pulled his mouth away looking into Brian's eyes, they were both breathing hard.

Do you really want me to leave?

Brian dropped his head, "No. But you should."

"What the fuck is this about?"

"You've got to go, before it's too late and there's nowhere for you to go."

"Brian, I'm NOT leaving, so drop it."

"Justin."

"Brian I don't know what else to say, I'm not going anywhere." He leaned into Brian again, kissing him passionately, showing him with his mouth, and his fingers and his skin what his words were apparently not making clear.

"Can we talk about it later?"

"You promise we'll talk?"

Brian nodded and with his good arm threw Justin down on the sofa, and very carefully they managed to remove most of their clothes.

Justin lay entwined in Brian's arms, sated, sweaty, naked, and listening to him breathing, they still had a lot to deal with, but he thought maybe the crisis had been, if not averted, at least mitigated.