All Mistakes Are Temporary

by vamphile

Post 513 Not everyone is as happy as they thought they'd be about the decisions they made.basically Season Six, in which the characters return to the people we liked before CL destroyed them.

4. Chapter 4

Chapter 31

It was several hours before Brian came back to consciousness. His body ached, his head was throbbing again, and his shoulder was uncomfortable pressed against the sofa as he lay on his back. Justin was still asleep, wrapped around him and pressed against the back of the sofa. Even in sleep Justin had managed to avoid putting any undue pressure on his relocated shoulder. He grimaced and tried to extricate himself without waking the blonde.

He found the bottle of pain pills on the coffee table and chased them with a pull straight from the bottle.

"You're really not supposed to take those with alcohol."

"You're awake."

Justin nodded. "So, can we talk now?"

Brian was about to pull on his jeans when he saw they were muddy and bloodstained, he made a face and tossed them to the side.

"I'll get you some sweats." Justin pulled on his own pants and padded upstairs.

When he returned he tried to help Brian into them but the man stubbornly refused his assistance and pulled them on himself if somewhat less gracefully than usual.

"So what's all this shit about me leaving?"

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose, "you need to leave."

"You keep saying that, and you know I'm not fucking going anywhere."

"Yeah that's the problem."

"The problem?"

"You, you're not going anywhere, you're standing still, here, with me."

"I thought that's what you wanted."

"Well, it's not."

Justin froze inside, he thought he might vomit but he held back the urge fighting off the anxiety he felt overtaking him.

"You don't want me here?"

Brian sat down on the other side of the L shaped sofa, as far away from Justin as he could. "I don't want you to end up like her."

"Like who?"

"My mother." Brian said it quietly, but the words hung in the air.

"Brian, I'm not a homophobic frigid religious freak, so I think we're safe."

"I'm a lot like my dad."

"No, you aren't"

"I am, and you'll end up like her, hating me, with an empty life."

Justin let out a mirthless laugh, "You think I have an empty life?"

Brian looked up at him, "You will if you stay."

"I KNOW what an empty life is, I've experienced it."

"Then you know you have to leave."

Justin moved closer to Brian, moving his chin so that their eyes met. "No that's how I know I have to stay."

Brian looked confused.

"You think you're like your dad, but you're not, and you think I'm like your mom, but I'm not. You. Are. Wrong."

Brian flinched at the words, no matter what state of mind, he hated being told he was wrong. "I'm not wrong, I know. I was there, I watched them."

"First of all, you weren't there, you left." Brian's eyes looked at him, guiltily. "No, it's good you left, it was what you needed to do, for you."

"That's the thing, I do what I need for me. I'm… selfish."

Justin gave him a look "duh."

"What are you doing with a selfish asshole?"

"Brian, I'm not going to let you beat yourself up like this, you go after what you want, it's good, and it's healthy. But you're also the most generous person I know. And you know that too."

Brian didn't say anything. Justin stood up, trying to figure out how to explain this in terms Brian would hear. He paced for a minute and then he took Brian's old tack. "Okay this time, I'm going to talk and you're going to listen."

Brian's eyes shot up about to protest but Justin pressed on.

"When I met you, I was a kid, a stupid kid, and you were right, I'd bought into the greeting card bullshit, of monogamy, and love and flowers and hearts and pretty words. And I wanted that, and I went for that, and I longed for that, and then I got that. And you were very very right, it was just bullshit, just words."

Justin ran a hand through his hair, biting his thumbnail as he tried to find the right words. He sighed heavily. "Words don't mean shit Brian, you and I both know that, but the thing I think you've forgotten is that I'm not that stupid kid anymore, I'm not 17, I'm not in high school. I'm not some pretty little twink who wants flowers on his birthday. What I want is real, it's messy, and it's you, and it's Us and it's what We have. Brian, I don't give a shit who you fuck. I don't care if you fuck all of Pennsylvania, or all of North America. I care who you love, and unless it's changed since the last time I checked, that's me."

Justin waited, hoping Brian absorbed this. "Is it me?"

Brian didn't say anything and Justin was shaking. "Brian?"

"Can I talk now?"

Justin smiled, "yes."

"Yes. It's you."

"So what the fuck?"

"I don't think I can be what you want."

"You are what I want."

"What if I change?"

"You have changed."

"What if I change back?"

"You have changed back."

"You're not gonna leave are you?"

"No, I'm really not, you are out of tricks to get rid of me."

"But I'm a lousy person, I'm a bad father, a bad son, a bad…Brian."

"You know I have to kick the ass of anyone who says that about you, including you."

"You're gonna kick my ass?" Brian smirked.

Justin smiled and shrugged, "I might be able to in your current condition."

Brian winced, "Yeah, I really did a number on myself huh?"

"You were trying to do worse."

Brian just looked up at him, "You were trying to sabotage yourself, I know you, you're brilliant at it, you don't do anything half way."

"Why didn't you leave?"

"Because someone had to stay to clean up the mess you were gonna make."

"That shouldn't be your job."

"Who's then?"

"No one's"

"So you are an asshole and deserve to be left alone to slowly kill yourself?"

Brian said nothing.

"Then I'm the selfish one" Justin whispered, "Because even if that's what you want, I'm not going to let it happen."

"Justin."

"If you say one thing that even intimates that I'd be better off without you I'm going to have to do something very drastic."

Brian smirked this time, "like what?"

"I'm going to make you drive the Element and I'll get the new car."

Brian shuddered, "No. Fucking. Way."

"Then I suggest you accept a few things, one, I'm not leaving, two, I'm staying, and three, I'm going to be fucking you in about fifteen minutes, once we get upstairs."

"Why so long?"

"Because you smell like a cross between the hospital and the Gravel Pit, and you need bath."

"Shower."

"Can't get the cast wet, bath."

Brian sighed. "Wait, you're fucking me?"

"You owe me one."

"I do?"

"Yeah, I'm not going to nag you incessantly about the hypocritical bullshit you laid on me about not drinking and driving when you then go and wrap the 'vette around a tree."

"Oh that, yeah, I guess I owe you one."

"You owe me like a hundred, but I'll settle for one right now, and then you're taking tomorrow off."

Brian tried to respond but Justin put his fingers on the older mans lips. "And then you're going to pull yourself together a little bit more. You want to go to the clubs, the bars, the baths, fine, but you want to risk your life, your car, and the lives of others, I can't let that happen."

"Justin I…"

"Just shut up, Sorry's bullshit, right now, and anything else you say will probably piss me off. So come take a bath like a good little patient, then let me fuck you into the sheets and tomorrow, we'll do some research and figure out what kind of car you want."

"I want another 'vette."

"Uh uh, no back seat, least fuckable space ever, and besides, it was ugly."

"You're talking to ME about ugly cars?"

"Yep, I'm telling you, if you're not good, I'm getting you a Toyota echo."

Brian laughed, the painkillers taking effect, and a weight lifted off his chest. "Fine."

Justin held up his part of the bargain and when they both collapsed on the bed, they were smiling.

"You should let me do that more often."

"I thought you loved it when I fucked you?"

"

Brian," he elbowed him. "You know I do, I just…"

"Mmmmmm?"

"Never mind, I just love fucking you sometimes."

He looked over but Brian was asleep. It was almost eight, and Justin dozed off as well, when they woke up it was morning.

Justin was cooking breakfast when Brian came down. He handed Brian a glass of juice and offered him another pill for the pain.

"I'll take mine if you take yours." Brian said taking the juice.

"I don't take mine 'til tonight."

"You're taking them again?"

"Yeah, for now, the anxiety came back and I thought maybe it wasn't time to stop yet."

Brian nodded. "I'm okay though, got any aspirin?"

Justin opened the bottle and handed him three. "So I called Cynthia, she'd already cleared your schedule, apparently Ted called before me."

Brian nodded again, and sat down as Justin brought breakfast to the table. "Nothing fancy, bagels and fruit… And coffee"

He swirled the mug in front of Brian as he reached for it pulled it out of his reach. His eyes darkened, "don't fuck with my coffee." Justin smiled, and put the mug down in front of him. Brian drank it silently.

"I'm thinking about a Range Rover."

"No."

"What?"

"They get like 8 miles to the gallon, it's bad for the environment."

"But they're hot."

"They're overcompensation for something you defiantly don't need to overcompensate for."

"So what, should I get a little ugly orange box?"

"Shut up, it's my car."

Brian booted up the computer, ready to research his next purchase. Justin followed him with his own cup of coffee. "Brian that's the same problem, no back seat."

"I like it."

"You're not getting a mini cooper, you're too tall."

"The Jag is hot."

"I like the green."

"What about this one?"

"Mercedes are pretentious."

"You think everything's pretentious."

Justin shrugged "Suit yourself."

He went sat back on the sofa and turned on the TV.

"Don't you have work to do in the studio?"

"I'm taking the day off."

"Really?"

"Taking care of you today."

"I'm fine."

"When can I ban that word?"

"When I'm not fine."

"How's your shoulder?"

Brian tried to shrug and winced. Justin smiled. "The word is officially banned."

Brian smirked, "we'll see."

They spent the rest of the day debating car options and television viewing options. Their lighthearted bickering felt good to the both of them. They both felt almost normal.

"You know what we could do today?"

Brian raised his eyebrows

"We could go through…"

"If you say boxes, I'm leaving."

"I just thought we could start to figure out…"

"There's nothing to figure out."

"Can I go through them without you?"

"No."

"So when are we going to…"

Brian stood up and kissed Justin on the top of his head "drop it."

Justin did. Today was not the day for pushing things.

"So did you make a decision?"

"Nope, I'm gonna have to test drive them, Wanna come?"

"Now?"

"Why not now?"

"Well, cause um…you only have one arm."

"Oh that, I can probably take the sling off for an hour or so."

Justin shook his head "Doctor said only for bathing for two weeks."

"What do doctors know?"

"Well, you're the one who was so adamant about doctors orders for me."

"Shut up twat."

Justin smiled, his point made.

Two nights later Justin woke up with a start, his heart beating fast, his breathing shallow. "Fuck."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just, one of those…"

"Night things."

"Yeah."

Brian sat up and pulled Justin back towards him, his good arm wrapped firmly around the blonde, his chin resting on his shoulder. "Remember what it was about?"

"The accident, you were…there was a lot of blood."

"But I'm fine."

"You're not allowed to use that word."

"But I AM okay, see, feel my heart beating?" he pulled Justin back towards him firmly.

"You scared me."

"I know."

"Don't do it again."

"I'll try not to."

"You're stupid."

"I am?"

"You are, you do stupid things that scare me."

"Is it possible you're still asleep?"

"Why?"

"Because you're not making any sense."

"I do too make sense, and maybe I'm half asleep but it doesn't make you less stupid, for scaring me."

"So you've said."

"Sleepy."

"Then sleep."

"K"

Brian smiled and lay back down, Justin curled himself around Brian, breathing with him, listening to his heartbeat and feeling his own slow to a normal rate."

"I love you."

"Mmmmmm"

Justin smiled and fell back asleep almost immediately.

Brian was back at the office. He'd allowed himself one long weekend, and Monday was itching to get back to work. Justin wondered if he was planning on getting back to play too but didn't bring it up.

He had 10 Days before he had to leave for New York for his two-week contractual obligation; he'd been dreading this. He hated New York without Brian, he wasn't even that fond of it with Brian, but mostly, he hated being away for two weeks.

Justin threw himself into the few last pieces for the show, he had no idea if he had enough time to finish them but he knew that he needed to continue to work, 'til the very last second, the schmoozing and decisions and bullshit in New York could seem very far away when he was in deep concentration on a particular brush stroke. So he lost himself to it, letting the music and the muse take him.

Brian's shoulder still hurt, but for the most part he got by on aspirin and coffee. He had hired a car and driver for the week, which made him grit his teeth, he hated not being able to drive, not being in control, but with a sling on his left arm, he couldn't shift gears, he couldn't drive, and he had finally given in to Justin who had found the least pretentious method of getting around. At first Justin had offered to drive him to work each morning but the thought gave Brian the creeps, felt too domestic, too dependant, too…something, so he had this asshole who just sat in the car all day waiting to be ordered around. Brian shook his head, and wondered why he hadn't gone of the full stretch limo with a stocked bar. He knew why, Justin. But he gritted his teeth against the thought.

"Stop here."

The car stopped and Brian got out, "go park somewhere, I'll call you when I need you."

The driver nodded and drove off, Brian entered the baths. It was the new place that had filled the void that the Liberty Baths had left when Stockwell had closed them down. Most places had reopened, but the owner of the baths, after receiving a ridiculous amount of money for the building from Kinnetic, Inc. Had retired to Florida and some other entrepreneur had seen his opportunity.

The place was pretty average, a little cleaner than most, but still dark enough to give the customers the atmosphere they were looking for.

The moment Brian walked in he knew it was a mistake. It wasn't where he wanted to be, but he shook the thought off, where he wanted to be was annoying him right now.

He and Justin had talked, and they'd worked it out, in their own little way, but he still wasn't sure, wasn't convinced that in the long run they wouldn't end up hurting each other. Better to do it in the short run and get it over with. He was still in deep thought when a hand ran down his chest. He looked at the man and was surprised. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Thought I deserved a night out."

Brian laughed, draping his arm around Justin. "This really where you want to be?"

Justin smiled and the two of them left walked deeper into the building Justin in a towel, Brian still in his suit.

The two of them were a sight to behold and when they went after what they wanted, eyes turned, men otherwise occupied stopped what they were doing to watch. It was as if there were no one in the building but the two of them when they looked at each other, no matter whom they might be fucking at the moment.

Justin breathed a deep sigh. He'd never minded date night, and he knew that Brian was feeling claustrophobic, and most importantly, he had been concerned that he'd be mad to see him here, encroaching on his alone time. But Brian seemed happy for them to play together, and they did, they played hard, and both stumbled out into the cold night spent and leaning on the other.

"You drive here?" Justin nodded. Brian called the driver and sent him home for the night, "Eight tomorrow." And Justin drove them home where they luxuriated in a hot bath, removing the smell of the other men and the baths and later replaced the smell with each other.

Brian lay in bed, considering a lot of things, wanting to know that he was making the right decision, that he wasn't hurting Justin that he wasn't causing the kid to give up his life.

He looked over at him, sleeping. In sleep he still looked like a kid, but he wasn't, he wasn't a child, he wasn't a twink, he wasn't the little stalker with his heart on his sleeve that he'd propositioned under a streetlamp on the night Gus was born. He was a man now, a pretty fucking amazing one too. Stronger than anyone he'd even known, and fuck, he loved this man.

Godmotherfuckingdammit he thought to himself as he lit a cigarette, there has to be a way out of this.

This was never supposed to happen.

Brian tried to sort it out, how any of it had happened, how he managed to go from a 29 year old without a care in the world to a psuedo-hetero husband. Actually that was easy to figure out, as he looked at the sleeping form next to him, the question was what happened that made him okay with this? More than okay with this? He took another deep inhale and realized the answer was the same, it was the same blonde who was currently muttering in his sleep. He put the cigarette out and tried to find a spot that didn't hurt his shoulder too badly and realized that he was stuck, and not unhappy about being stuck, and then he took a pain pill, more to knock himself out then shut out the pain.

Everyone was there Friday. Deb was in her glory. A table full of people to feed, one of them needing her special brand of care. Not that Brian accepted any special treatment, or any treatment at all, from anyone, he mostly glared at the sympathetic worried glances that were shot his way until the conversational flow twisted its way back to issues other than his recent accident.

Justin smiled to himself knowing that Brian hated every minute of the concern his friends showed, and yet would have been somewhat aggravated had they not shown it.

"Are you really thinking about breeding blue?" Justin asked, tuning back in to the conversation.

"She's almost ready, and we found a stud."

Brian opened his mouth to say something and Justin elbowed him.

"Well, I think it's great Ted." Lindsay broke in, "as a matter of fact, I think Gus is ready for a puppy, maybe we'll raise one of blues babies." Ted and Blake grinned even wider.

"You want Gus to have a dog?" Brian asked, "When did this happen?"

"Mel and I have been discussing it, and…"

The table went silent, Brian's eyes were dark. "You and Mel were discussing our son?"

"Brian, she's still his mother."

Brian snorted, "Some mother."

"Brian, she's changed, and we're not getting back together but we are talking, the few times she's been to see the kids, she's been really great with them, Gus loves to play tennis with her."

Justin put his head in his hands, "Lindz." He muttered.

"She's been to play tennis, at the house?" Brian was quiet as he asked.

Then he turned his head and saw Justin hiding his face, "And you knew this?"

"Brian, she's been better, like old Mel, you know, sane and nice and Gus loves her."

Brian nodded, suddenly not hungry. "I'll meet you at home." He said as he kissed Justin goodbye.

Justin nodded and all eyes went to him as Brian stormed off. "How's he getting home?"

Justin smiled, "He can't, he sent the driver home, and…"

"Justin, lets go." Brian came back in, after realizing his predicament.

Justin shrugged, and walked to the door, pulling Brian into a kiss. "Why don't we stay for dessert, and you can just blame this little queening out thing on the pain meds."

Brian scowled.

Justin kissed him again and knew that all eyes at the table were now trained on them. "C'mon, do what everyone least expects." He murmured quietly into Brian's ear, nibbling on the lobe a little.

Brian followed Justin back to the table. "I don't want her at the house, and I don't want my kid having a fake dog, if you're gonna get him a dog, get him a real one."

Lindsay smiled, "Brian she has a right to see her son, and she really has changed."

"We'll talk about this later."

Lindsay nodded.

"And Blue is a champion dog." Ted cut in, pulling out his wallet to show more pictures.

"Ted, blue is five pounds, he's a toy, a little yipping toy."

Ted looked hurt, and Blake leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, "She's a perfect dog."

Ted smiled again, "She really is."

"We should get a puppy Brian." Justin said, just to see his reaction, it was priceless.

"I have you I don't need anything else making a mess around the house, and chewing on my underwear."

"I thought you liked it when I did that."

Brian leaned in and kissed Justin deeply. "We're not getting a dog."

Justin smiled, he hadn't really thought it was an option, and he'd gotten the response he was looking for. Everyone seemed calmer, including Brian.

"So Lindsay how's the new job?" Ben asked

"Oh, it's actually wonderful, but challenging, who knew running a department required so much paperwork?"

Brian smiled and Justin knew that Brian had done something to put in a word for Lindsay with the dean. Lindsay probably knew it too, but had decided to let the issue drop, as she genuinely loved her new job, and the fact that the college had a great day care service so that she still got to see JR often, and didn't have to hire a nanny.

"I am going to have to buy a car this week though." Lindsay said. I can't keep taking Justin's or having Mel drive me before she gets to work. And the busses just don't run far enough."

"Great, we'll go together."

Lindsay looked at him. "Like last time, or can you restrain yourself from driving through the showroom window?"

"I'll be good." Brian said, his eyes showing he would be nothing of the sort.

"When do you get that thing off?"

"Monday, want to go then?"

"Don't you want to take Justin?"

"Justin's leaving me."

There was a gasp at the table and Justin laughed. "I'm not leaving you, I'm going to New York for two weeks, it's a contractual obligation."

"You're leaving me." Brian said again, teasingly, "I kept telling you to leave and now you are."

"About fucking time." Michael and Hunter both mumbled under their breaths only to be slapped upside the head, Hunter by Molly, Michael by his mother.

"Hey!" they both said in unison, and the tension was once again broken.

Dinner continued until no one could eat another thing, and then dessert and coffee made them all too full to move. They were sitting around talking about nothing important when Brian went outside for a cigarette. Justin joined him and they all passed knowing glances to each other, assuming the two were finding a likely dark corner.

They both stood outside, Brian's arm slung around Justin comfortably sharing the cigarette.

"We should both quit smoking."

Brian huffed, "Can't we're too hot."

Justin laughed. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm stellar."

"But Mel and Lindsay…"

"They have to get along, I don't want Gus to always see his parents fighting."

Justin nodded. "That's good."

"But I don't want him to have a little faggot dog."

"Brian, I thought you were afraid Mel was gonna make a man out of him, make up your mind."

"A kid should have a real dog."

"Blue is a real dog."

"A real normal sized dog."

"Brian they live in like 1000 square feet house, with two kids, how big a dog do you think that place can handle."

"Maybe we should build an addition onto the carriage house."

Justin nodded, knowing that Brian would do almost anything to keep Lindsay from moving too far away from his protective eye, he still saw Mel as a threat.

"So have you decided on a car?"

"I think I have."

"Oooh, what?"

"It'll be a surprise."

Justin pouted, "I hate surprises."

"I thought you loved them."

"I do, when I'm not gonna be away for two weeks worrying."

"Worrying?"

"About the show, about you, about…"

"I'll be fine, and the show is going to be a huge success."

"Brian, promise me…"

"No more incidents."

"Promise?"

Brian leaned in, kissing Justin hard and damning the stupid sling that kept him from holding him closer. "Lets get out of here."

Justin moaned into his mouth, "We have to go in and say goodbye first."

Brian walked back up. "You stay here." He said to Justin, and then leaned his head into the house.

"Justin needs to be fucked, so we're going home. Bye."

Justin's face was beet red as he got in the car and Brian's eyes were twinkling with mischief. Everyone at the table was laughing.

Chapter 32

Saturday morning Justin was antsy. He couldn't seem to sit still. He'd go into the studio, realize that everything had already been shipped for the show, think about starting something new and then just walk out again. He'd sit in the den, flipping aimlessly through channels, never actually stopping on anything, and then turn off the TV and wander around the house. Eventually Brian got aggravated.

"Hey."

"Hey"

"What's wrong?"

"What? Nothing, I'm just…" Justin was cracking his knuckles mentally running through a list of things he needed to for the millionth time.

Brian got up and walked over to him, taking his right hand and massaging it, seeing that the fingers were actually looser, and not cramped but wanting to lend Justin some comfort.

"You're obsessing."

"This show is going to suck."

Brian nodded, "Probably."

Justin hit him good-naturedly. "Brian, it's just…" again he didn't know how to finish the sentence.

Brian leaned down and kissed him, just a light peck, which turned into a longer kiss. Justin's hands were all over him, trying to find a place to settle which wasn't easy with the sling wrapped securely around his shoulder and his arm strapped to his side as it was. Instead his hands moved lower, sliding beneath the unbuttoned waistband of his faded jeans.

Brian licked at Justin's bottom lip, lightly nipping at it. He put more energy into the kiss, hoping to distract Justin from whatever was spinning in his brain.

It was working, Justin could no longer think about much, he felt Brian harden against him and closed his eyes, his head thrown back as Brian's mouth found the deliciously sensitive spots on his neck and shoulders.

He pulled his shirt off, wishing he could do the same to the taller man in front of him but he had to settle for just unbuttoning it, and pressing himself against what flesh was there. Brian moaned as Justin's lips found his nipple and began to suck and flick at the same time.

Justin moved down Brian's chest, kissing each new spot with enthusiasm, and soon he was pulling Brian down with him until they were both on their knees, mouths and bodies pressed together. Things were a little more difficult with Brian's arm still in the sling. He couldn't lay on top of Justin too long, as he only had one arm to support him, and he couldn't lay on his back too long before the pain of the position shot through his shoulder. He didn't care right now, but Justin was aware of the dilemma. He stood up and Brian followed. He pulled Brian's jeans down and pushed him backwards into chair.

Justin smiled at him as he pulled a condom from the stash in the drawer and walked back over to him. Opening the package he put the latex in his mouth and used his lips and tongue to guide the sheath onto Brian's now rock hard cock, while the brunette leaned his head back and gasped at the sensation. Justin smiled.

The chair was modern in design, or retro, depending on whom you talked to but as it was mostly just a scoop of plastic with high arms there was little way for Justin to straddle Brian in such a design. Instead he turned his back to Brian, taking a step backwards and thus closer to his goal.

Seeing what the blond intended Brian pulled him back with his good arm, as Justin grasped his now sheathed shaft and held it while he impaled himself on it.

There was little Brian could do but lay back and enjoy himself as Justin used up his unspent energy riding him.

Justin threw his head back, almost unaware of Brian's presence at all except for the dick inside him. It was all he wanted to feel right now. He pressed his feet flat against the hardwood floor for leverage and lifted himself up and down, fucking himself hard. He felt Brian's hand move towards his nipple and pinch it; pulling it with a roughness he needed right now. He needed to feel this, and nothing else and Brian seemed to understand as he made his body available and his ministrations less than gentle. He eventually pushed Justin down to the floor, where he landed on his hands and knees, whimpering with need, and unfulfilled lust.

Brian angled himself behind the kid and plunged in, hard, fast, and didn't stop, just kept pounding him, slapping his ass, a few times and watching as Justin's head flew back, with appreciation. He grabbed Justin's hair roughly, holding his head up as he leaned in and bit at his back while he continued his fevered pace. He felt Justin's body tense and stopped, pulling out completely, lightly stroking the smooth skin above Justin's ignored hard on until he could hear the blond letting out soft sounds which he knew would turn into demanding orders if he didn't continue soon. Waiting just a moment more he plunged back in, abusing the open hole with all his strength, laying a few well timed slaps on Justin's pale perfect ass, lightly running a finger along his weeping cock, but never letting him come.

Justin thought he might go insane, he was on his hands and knees, and each time Brian thrust into him he felt as if all the air was pushed out of his body, he wanted to come but Brian wouldn't let him. Each time he was close, the fucker pulled, out, stroking him lightly, whispering a soothing word into his ear, waiting for the moment to pass, and then he'd start over, hard, rough, and perfect, and Justin couldn't speak, didn't want to, concentrated all of his thoughts on the amazing sensations and trying to come before Brian denied him again. Each time he thought he might be allowed release, each time Brian stroked directly against his prostate, and he moaned a little louder he would bite his lip, knowing he'd warned Brian of his impending release and it all stopped again.

He was crying now, frustrated, the only thought in his head was his need to come, to feel Brian inside him and finally be allowed to come.

He moved his own hand towards his erection, but Brian moved it away, as he had before, and pulled out. Justin wanted to scream. He finally broke down.

Brian, I need it please let me come, I'll do anything, just please…" his words trailed off as Brian began his glorious assault again, fucking him harder than Justin thought possible, his body moving forward at each thrust.

"You want to come?"

Justin whimpered, "Yes. Please."

"Are you sure?" Brian was covered in a light coating of sweat, but he could keep this up for a while, watching Justin, so desperate for him, so focused, so hot.

Brian pulled out again and Justin cried something unintelligible in desperation.

He felt the push on his side, and Justin followed the silent command, rolling over, his back against the hardwood, his legs spread wide, feet flat on the floor. Brian moved between his knees and Justin lifted his legs, pulling Brian forward, crossing his ankles behind Brian's back, careful not to move them too high to bother his shoulder.

He raised his body, begging Brian with his eyes, with his every movement to finish him off, at this point, he really didn't care if he killed him or let him come, just so the torture would stop. Brian smiled and Justin thought he might lose it right there. Instead Brian pushed himself in again, moving slowly now and enjoying watching Justin's body react, he was squirming, trying to get more contact, trying to impale himself on Brian but with nothing for leverage, his back slick with sweat sliding easily on the smooth floor he was not in control.

Again he tried, tightening his grip around Brian's waist to make sure he wouldn't back out of him, he reached for his own erection. Brian smacked his hand away and then unable to pull out, simply stayed perfectly still, watching the raw emotions on Justin's face as he tried to wiggle, to writhe, to do something. Finally, Brian relented, he pulled Justin's hands together, holding them at the wrist above the boy's head with his good hand and pounded into the kid. He moved his hand lower to Justin's forearms so when he leaned his weight against his arms he wouldn't hurt him, and angled his body. As he hit the sweet spot the keening noise from Justin was almost inhuman.

Justin felt the fire in his body, felt the need poured from every nerve ending to the sensitive bundle Brian was currently assaulting, he let himself go, feeling Brian's mouth on his and then move lower to his nipples again biting and sucking and finally, he came. Hard, and long and Brian never stopped. He released his arms and held his hip instead and pounded into him again and again, watching as Justin shot across his own belly and chest, moaning Brian's name, babbling unintelligibly, and simply relieved to be allowed release.

Brian came hard, he'd held himself back, and it hadn't been easy, but he had wanted to clear Justin's mind, to make him forget everything, for as long as possible. He knew he also wanted to remind him, once again of what they were together. Two weeks apart wasn't a happy equation for either of them, but they'd get through. These are the kind of things he tried to think about to keep himself from coming each time Justin whimpered his name, begged for more, or made a low moan that just shot straight through Brian's body like no other sound.

When he finally allowed the kid to come the relief on his face was priceless, and he was pretty sure that that Justin couldn't have done simple addition, let alone think about the myriad of issues awaiting him in the coming fortnight.

He kneeled in front of Justin, watching his body take ragged breaths, and ran his hand through the thick coating of come on his pale skin. He licked a finger, keeping eye contact with Justin, and then lowered a finger to Justin's mouth, who took it greedily, sucking at it, still in the blissful post coital haze. No words were spoken for a while as their bodies slowly relaxed. They both dozed for a few minutes. Brian awoke to Justin trying to put a pillow under his head, it had been resting on the blonde's chest, but he was obviously ready to get up and begin pacing again.

Brian got up too; pulling his jeans back on he followed Justin curiously. The blonde seemed to be unaware of where he was going or that anyone was following him. He was walking around the great room in circles, biting his thumbnail and seemingly searching for something.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

Justin jumped. "Uh, um, looking."

Brian just raised an eyebrow.

Justin collapsed on in the chair. "I don't know, I feel like there's something I should be doing."

Brian smiled, "I thought I got your mind off of things."

"You did, but now… it's back on things."

"Well, we can go again."

Justin smiled widely "We could, but we can't just spend the weekend fucking so that I don't get nervous."

"Why not?" Brian almost pouted

"Because um…" Justin wrinkled his brow trying to find a good reason, but instead followed Brian upstairs where they took a bath together and spent another hour or so lost in each other.

Eventually it was a little after noon, they were both sore, and out of ideas. Justin kept cracking his knuckles until Brian wanted to put one of HIS arms in a sling to make it stop. Finally he sighed, pulled on jeans and a black wife beater.

"Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"Someplace that will get your mind off of next week."

"Brian, I honestly don't think either of us could take any more I mean…"

Brian sighed, "Let's go." He held out his hand and Justin pulled on a pair of sweats and a shirt. Brian led him slowly through the great room, down the steps to the foyer and into the parlor/dungeon.

"Brian I know we've never fucked in here but it's all dusty and…" Justin wrinkled his nose and Brian pinched the bridge of his.

"We're not here to fuck, we're here to…"

Justin jumped up and kissed him, "We're gonna go through the boxes?" his smile was broad, until he saw Brian wince, "Christ, I'm sorry, are you okay? I forgot."

"I'm fine, just, lets be careful shall we?"

"Okay, what we need to do is make three piles, "keep, toss, sell."

"Sell?"

"Yeah like at a yard sale."

"You watch way too many of those house and garden TV shows, we're NOT having a yard sale."

"Fine, then keep, toss, and donate."

Brian nodded.

"I need a box cutter, or a knife, and my allergy meds or the dust will kill me, I'll be right back." Justin bounced away, happy, his mind on only one project. Brian sat against the wall, willing nothing too revealing to come popping out of the boxes as they sorted.

Justin returned, supplies in hand. He began at the top, opening boxes that were clearly labeled and finding them labeled correctly.

"So what should we do with all the old dishes and glasses?"

"Trash."

Justin nodded, "You mean donate."

"Right, that's what I meant."

The kitchen stuff was pushed back to the designated "donate" area.

"Ewww"

"What?"

"I think these are the sheets from the bed, like the last night."

Brian shrugged; I guess they had to strip the bed.

"Yeah but, the last night, I mean, these are probably now considered medical waste"

Brian grimaced, "Trash."

There were boxes of decorative items, none of which Brian seemed particularly attached to. "They were to create a look" he shrugged; "we're going for a different look now."

Justin put them in the "donate" pile and moved on.

"Papers" Justin read.

"Bring it here."

Justin sat down next to Brian and pushed the box in front of him

Brian opened it with his one good arm, pulling out an X ray film.

"Is that…?"

"That's me, cancer free."

Justin pushed it back into the file, kissing Brian's cheek, and pulled another file, there was a flutter of small tickets. Justin picked them up. "What are these?"

"Nothing." Brian tried to gather the scattered scraps with only one hand.

"They're garage parking tickets for the hospital."

"Yeah, for insurance purposes."

"Why were you in the hospital this often?"

"Huh?"

"Why are they all in the middle of the night?"

"What?"

"Brian, these are from when I was in the hospital."

"So?"

"So, you were there, apparently…a lot."

"I might have checked on you once or twice."

Justin picked up the pile if tickets as if they were confetti and showered them down on

Brian's head. "Once or twice?"

"Or maybe every night. I had to make sure."

Justin leaned in closer to him, wanting to crush him in a hug, wanting to kill him for never saying anything, to anyone. "Make sure of what?"

He didn't say anything for a while and Justin looked up, seeing a look he hadn't seen in a while, the one Brian had when he had first tried to get him to remember the incident, when he had first taken him to the parking garage, the same eyes Justin had seen the night he so recently had his little breakdown. Panic, fear, pain, tears. 'Make sure of what?" he repeated.

"Make sure you were still there, still breathing. I thought, you know, so many people watched during the day, but you were almost alone at night, and what if you stopped, what if you forgot, or gave up, or someone came back to finish…I…" Justin kissed him.

"You did a great job, I kept breathing 'cause of you."

Brian shook his head, "You were so strong. It was you, not me. There was nothing I could do."

"You did everything. But why didn't you tell me?"

"You were already too far gone, look what loving me did to you, I wouldn't let that happen again. Couldn't. Once I was sure you were okay I wasn't going to go near you. But you came looking for me."

Justin wanted to cry, to scream, do something, these feelings, the helplessness, not knowing, the pain, the loss, he'd tried to bury them, to forget them, and here they were, in a hundred little parking receipts. He gathered them up efficiently. "Toss." He said.

Brian looked up at him questioningly.

"I don't need a bunch of little pieces of paper to know you love me."

They both smiled, and continued to sort through the papers but the rest were boring, for the most part until Justin found a bunch of sealed envelopes, each addressed to friends or family members. Brian grabbed them out of his hand quickly.

"What are those?"

"Nothing, they're from a long time ago."

"There's one addressed to me."

"Just put them in the trash."

"Can I read mine?"

"No."

"Brian, what are they?"

"They're from a couple of years ago, they don't mean anything now."

"So why didn't you ever deliver them?"

"They're just letters, I wrote them, then I decided not to send them."

"Well, I'm opening mine." Justin began to open the envelope. Brian tackled him.

"NO!"

"Brian, I'm just…Ouch."

"Sorry, gimme that."

"Fine, if you don't want me to read it, but…"

"But nothing, they were important at the time. They're not now."

Justin was sitting up again, running his finger down the side of Brian's face, "Can't you just tell me what they were for?"

"They were to explain stuff, to make sure people knew."

"Knew what?"

"That I cared, that I wasn't just an asshole, make sure that you all remembered more than the surface."

"Why did you think we'd forget?"

"It was from before." Brian said trying to stand up, "We've done enough in this room for the day."

"No, we haven't." Justin pulled him back down, straddling his legs simply to keep him in place, "Before what?"

"Before I decided to have the surgery." Brian said quietly.

Justin stared at him, tears dropping on Brian's face, "You were just gonna die, gonna let yourself die, leaving us all with a fucking letter?"

Justin hit him in the chest.

"Ouch."

"Good."

"Justin, I didn't, I couldn't leave."

"But you were going to, and you weren't going to tell any of us, you were going to just disappear and leave a fucking letter."

"But I didn't."

"Damn good thing or I'd have to hunt you down and kill you again."

Brian smirked, "You'd kill me for dying?"

"You're not allowed to die."

"That's probably why I didn't"

"You really don't like yourself do you?"

Brian sat up now, pushing Justin off of him with all the strength in his one good arm.

"Fuck you, I like myself."

"You don't act like it."

"You know what, all of this shit needs to be shipped off, I don't care who finds my checkbook receipts, it's not worth it."

"Why, because I might find out who you really are?"

"You know who I am."

"I keep thinking that, and then I open up a box and I have to refigure everything I thought I knew."

"You're being ridiculous."

"I'm being honest."

"What else don't I know?"

"You know everything."

"Why didn't you come with me to Vermont?"

"What?"

"Vermont, you decided business was more important than me, what made you come to that conclusion, was it just your regular bullshit fear of relationships, were you afraid I might think you care or was there something you weren't telling me?"

"What the hell makes you bring this up now?"

"It's one of those things that always bothered me. It was simple to think you'd decided to teach me a lesson, but then, you were different when you got back, Ryder was gone, and…what the fuck happened?"

Brian sighed, "I got almost fired, Marty sold the business to Vance, if I didn't land the Brown account that week, I would have been almost as bad off as I was after Stockwell, well, equally bad off, because while I wouldn't have had the debt, I wouldn't have had the client base I have now. So I had to go, or I'd have lost everything."

"I didn't count as part of everything."

"You were a kid, you didn't understand."

"You never fucking told me."

Brian sighed again, "No, I didn't."

"You're a duck."

"What?"

"You're a duck."

"Again, what?"

"Ducks, they seem so graceful, gliding across the water, but under the water, where no one can see, they're churning their legs so fast just to keep moving and to continue to look graceful. You're a duck."

Brian started to laugh, hard. "Duck you."

Justin laughed too. "Can't you just let me help you sometimes?"

"You do."

"Duck."

Brian leaned in to kiss Justin, "I showed you mine now you show me yours."

"What?"

"I told you why I didn't go to Vermont, now why don't you tell me something I've always wanted to know."

Brian was kissing Justin's neck, his hand running through the soft blonde hair that had gotten really long in the past months, almost hitting his shoulders in soft waves.

"What do you want to know?" Justin asked, eyes half closed.

"What made you quit working for the Sap?"

Justin's eyes were open now, his breathing changed. Brian leaned back to see his eyes. Fear?

"Nothing, I didn't have the time to go to work and school."

"You're lying to me."

"Would you trust me if I told you that you really didn't want to know?"

"If I didn't want to know I wouldn't have asked."

"This is the stupidest conversation we've ever had."

"No, we once talked about fucking Ronald McDonald or Mayor Cheese."

"We were stoned then."

"Answer the question."

"He wanted me to do something I didn't want to do."

Brian continued to stare waiting for him to continue.

"Brian you know what happened."

"I know what I THINK happened."

"He didn't just want me there for eye candy, and I was flying pretty high."

Brian kept his expression blank, wondering why the fuck after all this time he'd asked, and knowing that it was because he wanted Justin to suffer, just a little bit, at a memory, the way he just had. He listened to Justin continue.

"I was dancing, and then the Sap was leading me back, to a playroom, and he um…"

Brian remained silent.

"He didn't fuck me or anything, he wanted to, well, him and a bunch of his friends, but I said no, and he tried harder, and I kicked him in the balls, and I think I broke his tooth when I kicked him in the face, then I got home, and fucked you."

Brian smiled, "He never hurt you?"

"No, I never let him."

"I thought, that night, when you wanted me, and you wouldn't let me fuck you, I thought it was because he had…hurt you."

"Why didn't you ask me?"

"I didn't want the answer, I was afraid I'd have to kill the fucker, and then I'd be banned from Babylon, and I like the back room and they didn't water down their drinks too badly."

Justin smiled, letting the moment lighten. He dusted off his hands. "Any other monumental secrets I need to know?"

Brian shook his head.

Justin leant him a hand and pulled him to his feet, brushing his hands together in a motion that made it clear he'd seen enough.

"Call the people who cleaned out your mothers house, have them haul all this shit away, there's nothing we need in here."

Brian smiled does that mean we can make it a dungeon?

"Sure, but only I'll have the key, you can't come in without my permission."

Brian laughed out loud, and dragged Justin back upstairs, they were both sweaty, dusty, and needed to get as far away as possible from that room… too many memories, too many secrets, and way too many tears.

Chapter 33

Justin was finished packing, so he unzipped the suitcase and started to rummage through it, sure he'd forgotten something. Brian came up behind him, wrapping his arms around the slim waist and pulling him away from his search.

"Relax, you've checked seven times, and you'll be in New York, not a third world country, if you forgot anything I'm pretty sure you can buy it there."

"But I just need to make sure that…"

Brian turned him around, pulling him into a kiss; his hand on the back of his neck, stroking the long blonde hair that now covered it.

"It's going to be okay."

Justin sighed, lowering himself from his tiptoes and leaning his head against Brian's chest. "I don't want to go."

"Two weeks. And I'll be there in five days."

"But then you're leaving again."

"For a few days, but I'll be back in time for the show."

"I'm glad you're arm is finally out of that sling, I missed this."

"Mmmmmm" Brian said, using both his arms to pull Justin closer. His left wrist was still in a cast, but at least he could hold his boy now, he'd missed it too.

"Justin, it's time to leave, I have to get you to the airport."

"I could go tomorrow, it won't make a difference."

"The sooner you go, the sooner you come back home."

Justin reluctantly stepped back, and tried to do one last search of his suitcase but Brian resolutely zipped it up, and took it downstairs. "You have everything you need."

"Not everything." Justin said, pulling Brian in for another hug.

"Christ, you're getting more lesbionic every day."

Justin stuck his tongue out at him. "Just five days right?"

"Right."

Brian dropped Justin off at the airport and picked Lindsay up from work. She'd taken the afternoon off so that she and Brian could go car shopping together as promised.

"Was Justin okay when he left?" she asked as she climbed into the orange box and surveyed it's featured considering the option for herself.

"He was Justin."

"So nervous and petulant?"

Brian grinned; "Apparently you've met him."

"He'll be fine." Lindsay said, putting her hand over Brian's, knowing that while he'd never admit it, Brian was still worried about Justin.

"Yeah he will, and I'll be there in a couple of days."

They headed to the auto-mall.

Brian and Lindsay had a conversation reminiscent of the one he'd had with Justin months before. "Toyota's are very reliable."

"Lindsay, you're the head of the art department, you can't drive a Toyota."

Lindsay laughed, "Brian, we're not all as label conscience as you are, and besides, I'm the head of the art department at a community college. AND I'm a mother of two young children, actually, I think this car might be perfect for us." She said running her hand along the passenger side dash of the orange box that Justin loved so much.

"Fuck no. There will not be TWO of these on the property."

Lindsay laughed, "It's okay, I don't think I could afford it anyway, I'm probably going to end up getting something used."

Brian pinched his nose, déjà vu making his brain hurt, but he couldn't argue Lindsay out of a used car with the same logic he'd used on Justin. Instead, he simply ignored the point and parked in front of the Subaru dealership Lindsay had mentioned.

They looked at the cars, JR running around the showroom, almost two now, and Brian trying to keep an eye on her, and mitigate Lindsay's tastes at the same time. Of course the salesman assumed them to be a couple.

"No driving through the window." She whispered to Brian as she took JR from him and watched aggravated as the salesman turned his full attention to Brian and completely ignored her.

Brian looked over to Lindsay often, asking her opinion, listening to her concerns and trying somewhat politely to steer the assholes sales techniques to the appropriate decision maker but the fucker wouldn't take a hint. He asked how old JR was, and about any other children, but never once listened to her demands regarding her needs for a car.

Brian eventually took JR from Lindsay and pecked her on the cheek. " I'd better call Justin before his head explodes, why don't you take it from here."

The salesman smiled, "Is Justin your son?"

Lindsay was tired, pissed off, and in no mood. "Justin is his lover, I'm a dyke."

The salesman was left with his mouth hanging open, trying to recover from the blunder when Lindsay joined Brian in the parking lot. "Well, he lost a sale." Brian smirked, and they moved on.

It took Lindsay looking at several used cars and multiple dealerships before she decided she just wasn't ready to make the purchase yet. Brian nodded and said that large purchases took a lot of decision-making and careful consideration. He had her drop him off at the dealership for his new car and shook her head. "I can't believe that's what you bought."

"It has a back seat, gets decent gas mileage, and the blue is hot."

She smiled, and drove Justin's car back to the house. Lindsay had done her best not to show her disappointment, but with her recent hire and the money problems caused by her and Mel's past few rocky years, not to mention their move, she just couldn't afford a car right now. She knew she'd have to buy something, but there hadn't been anything on the lots that had been right.

Brian signed the paperwork for his car, and happily took the keys. He drove it directly to the Volvo dealership and signed the paperwork for the SUV Lindsay had eyed so lovingly. He knew she'd balk, but it was rated one of the safest cars on the road, which meant it was the best for Lindsay and Gus and JR, and after what she'd been through, she deserved it. Besides, his new car was pretty much covered between his share of the sale of his mother's house and the insurance coverage for the 'vette. So it was practically like he was buying only one new car, he told himself.

He arranged for delivery of the car the following day and took his new baby for a test spin.

Michael, Ben, Ted, Emmett, Blake, Debbie and Carl were huddled over a booth at the diner with a grid in front of them.

"Okay, so Michael, you and Ben are having dinner with Brian tonight, right?" They both nodded.

"And then we're going to stop by with some "tax prep" stuff for him to sign on Tuesday" Ted said.

"Lindsay said that Wednesday she'd have him help her with Gus." Debbie added. "And Thursday I'm making him come to dinner, we're having family dinner a night early, since he's leaving Friday to see Justin, you'll all be there" she waggled her pencil at them and they nodded their heads in unison. "Good so that should cover most of it. Ted, you've talked to Cynthia?"

Ted nodded, "She knows to keep him busy, and in the office as long as possible."

"Okay, now, Emmett, you're going to spend a day sight seeing with Justin on Tuesday?" Emmett nodded, "Ted and Blake, you two will be in the city on Wednesday and Thursday?" Nods all around.

"I have a conference there anyway." Ted said.

Debbie sighed. "So the first week is covered. Remember, keep them busy, keep them occupied and whatever you do, at the end of two weeks, they better still be together."

They all agreed, game faces on, and when Debbie heard the jingle of the door and noticed it was Brian she pretended to be taking their order. "Fine I'll go put these in" she smiled. "Hi Brian."

"Hey Deb, thought you all might like to see my latest acquisition."

They followed him out to see his new car and gave the appropriate oohs and aaahs.

Michael did his best to seem casual as he invited Brian for dinner that night. Brian shook him off, "I've got a lot of work to do."

"Hey we can bring something over if you'd like." Ben said

Brian cocked an eyebrow, "You two bored of each other already?"

Ben pulled Michael a bit closer, "Not in the least."

"We just haven't gotten to hang out in a while together." Mikey whined. He knew Brian hated it when he whined, but he also knew Brian capitulated when he whined and with his mother breathing down his neck, he was not going to leave without a firm commitment from Brian for tonight.

Brian shrugged, "I'll meet you guys at Woody's after work."

Michael smiled, "See you at seven." And kissed Ben as well, "I really should get back to the store, and Hunter's got a dentist appointment at five so…"

"I'll take him." Ben said. And they left.

Justin suddenly understood Brian's hatred of tiny bottles and airplanes and flying, and airports. He was drunk and rattled when he got off the plane but resisted the Kinneyesqe urge to find a likely prospect and haul him off to the men's room. Instead he hailed a cab and gave the driver the hotel address. It was a different one, Brian had said something about better corporate rates, or higher class of service, but Justin had a feeling that he'd had too many breakdowns in the old hotel and Brian didn't want him to stay there alone. He smiled, Brian was right; he didn't want to stay there alone.

He checked in, and shrugged off the need of a bellman, he had his single suitcase, his backpack and courier bag, he could handle it himself, besides, once he entered the room he planned on locking the door and not leaving again for a while, he hadn't slept well in the past couple of nights and was feeling tired.

The room was beautiful, not that he'd expected less, it was a suite, with a fully appointed living room and a grand master bedroom. Justin threw his bags next to the bed, not bothering to unpack; he grabbed his sketchpad, pencils and the complimentary bottle of champagne and sat down on the sofa.

Once settled he opened the bottle and called Brian.

"Hey"

"Hey.
"You didn't end up in a hundred fiery pieces?"

"Nope."

"Good, I like you better that way."

Justin smiled. "The place is nice."

"Only the best."

"So what's on your agenda this evening?"

"Woody's with Michael and Ben."

"I wish I could join you."

"Me too."

"I'm tired."

"Nap, you don't have to be at the gallery 'til nine right?"

"Right and then only for like a half hour."

"Tell Ranston I said hi?"

"I think he'll be relived you're not gonna be here all week after the spectacle last time."

"Yeah well who's fault was that?"

"Some stupid kid's."

"Glad I don't have to deal with him anymore."

"Me too."

"So what are you wearing?"
Justin laughed, "The same thing I was wearing when you put me on the plane."

"Not a very creative answer."

"I'm not in a very creative mood."

Brian understood.

"Hey, did you pick up your new car?"
"Maybe."

"Am I gonna get to see it?"
"When you come home."
"Is this some stupid way of making sure I come home?"
"No, this is a very brilliant way of making sure you come home."

"Brian."

"Mmmmmm?"
"I promise you I'm coming home."

"Duh, all your stuff is here."

Justin laughed again, "I love you, and I'm going to take a nap."

"See you soon."

Justin flipped idly through the channels drinking the entire bottle of champagne and eventually crashing on the sofa, drunk, and too tired to be nervous. He had seven hours until he had to be at the gallery, which was only a few blocks from the hotel. He just let himself shut down for a bit, his entire body feeling as if it had been spinning at high speed for weeks.

When he awoke it was after eight and his head hurt. He stumbled into the bathroom to pee and when he was done ended up emptying his stomach contents as well. He brushed his teeth and took a quick shower. He was dressed and about to leave when his phone rang. He picked up his keycard, slung his messenger bag over his shoulder and answered it.

"Hi baby."

"Hi Emmett."

"How's the big city?"
Justin laughed, "So far all I've seen is the hotel room."

"You should go out and have some fun."

"I'm on my way to the gallery, have to make an appearance, then maybe I'll worry about fun."
"Well, as it turns out, I am going to be in town tomorrow, I thought you could show me the sights."

"Emmett, I don't even know the sights, and why are you gonna be in New York?"
"I've got to meet with a client who's doing her daughters wedding here but she swears she's too busy to come to Pittsburgh for the initial planning meeting so…"

Justin sighed, sensing a set up of some kind, but thought maybe the company might be appreciated, he gave Emmett the hotel address and room number. "I'm at the gallery, so I've got to go, what time should I expect you tomorrow?"
"Oh probably around noon."

"What time is your meeting?"
"Oh, um, early, so we'll be done before noon, then I'll just hop a cab and meet you, we can spend the day finding out what fabulous things New York has to offer."

"See you then."

"Have a good night sweetie."

"You too Em."

Justin took a deep breath and stamped out his cigarette before entering the gallery. Ranston saw him and made his way over at once.

"Justin, great you're here, there's someone I'd like you to meet."

Justin put on his fake smile and schmoozed with an older woman who seemed to be constantly in the midst of trying to find what foul odor was assaulting her. She seemed somewhat impressed with his work however, and wanted to know more about one of his pieces that was currently hanging.

Justin gave her an explanation that satisfied her need to feel part of the art elite. He never told her what the image actually represented, that was for each person to decide for themselves.

Ranston took him back to the area where the works for the show were being stored, and they discussed a few minor issues, placement, groupings etc. and Justin promised that they would go into further detail next week and that he'd be there on Wednesday to make sure all the paintings were labeled correctly. He got out of the gallery as quickly as possible, fighting off the urge to book a flight home.

He was walking quickly when he decided he needed to burn off some energy; he'd slept all day, heavily after so much champagne, and needed to move. He hailed a cab and ended up in the East Village.

He listened and looked and walked, and smiled at a couple of guys who cruised him, and narrowed his eyes to a couple of guys who tried to cruise him too closely.

Once inside the club he actually felt relaxed, the music was throbbing and heavy, the bodies were sleek and toned. He checked his bag and coat and made his way to the bar. There were times, back when he had been a genuine twink, a broke busboy with a ridiculous crush, that he'd let the men who were now offering to buy him drinks do so. Tonight he didn't want anyone thinking he owed them anything, tonight, he wanted a few drinks, and he wanted to dance.

He ordered and downed the shot quickly, drinking the beer more slowly as he surveyed the crowd. There were a few likely prospects but he wasn't particularly in the mood. So he ordered two more shots, downed them with practiced ease, finished his beer and made his way onto the dance floor. Black jeans, dark green t-shirt making him look even more pale and his hair more gold, he moved to the beat, dancing with no one in particular.

Over the years he'd become good at this, dancing with men, but not WITH them, happily shaking them off when they wanted more. If he stopped to think about it he'd realize that he'd never done it alone, it was always at Babylon where even if Brian wasn't there, Michael, Ted, Emmett, Ben, or some combination thereof was ever-present. He never really considered how many times Emmett would dance with him out of the blue, or suddenly Michael and Ben would be dancing together but near him. It never really occurred to Justin that his family made sure that no one hurt him. He'd be touched, and probably angry if he knew just how protective they all felt for him.

Maybe that's why tonight it felt different, he felt more in control, there was no one to glare disapprovingly, no one to prove something to, and no one to interrupt, so when a beautiful blonde with great hands snaked them around his waist Justin leaned into the dance. It was nice.

They danced for a while more and the guy invited him to the back room. Justin shrugged him off, and the guy smiled, and they danced a little longer. Eventually Justin extricated himself and had a few more drinks, he was feeling good when he returned to the floor and someone else pulled him into a dance, this guy was good, and the feel of their bodies together was hot. Eventually Justin pulled him into the back room himself, pushing the dark haired, slight man to his knees.

He gave good head, which was rare for Justin to feel these days when it wasn't Brian, but hell, there were good fags out there other than Mr. Kinney who knew how to suck a cock. The guy looked into his eyes and Justin glanced down, wanting him. He pulled him up and pushed him against the wall. He rolled the condom on quickly and lubed it before pushing himself in. Hearing the guy grunt he smiled and played with the mans nipples, letting him adjust to the feel. Then he began, long slow strokes, keeping his rhythm relaxed for a bit until the trick was fisting himself and pushing back onto Justin fast and hard. Justin increased the pace, leaning his head into the spot between the mans shoulder blades, one hand on the wall next to the guys face, and as he felt the guy come he did the same, letting out a low moan.

He dropped the condom and tucked himself back into his own clothes. He danced a little longer and went back to the hotel. It was one am.

The phone was ringing. It was Brian.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"You okay?"
"Drunk I think."

"Mini bar?"

"No this was a full sized bar."

"Do anything fun, or anyone?"
"Some guy, he wasn't bad, gave pretty good head, made weird noises though, thought he might be having an asthma attack but turns out, he just had a fucked up way of breathing."

Brian laughed, "Well, new experiences are good for you."

"Yeah, Emmett's going to be in town tomorrow, so I'm probably gonna hang out with him."

"Mikey and Ben took me to Woody's and then to Popperz, they wanted me to stay at their place tonight."

"And Ted has a seminar in the city on Wednesday."

"And Lindsay wants me to have dinner with Gus on Wednesday"

"I think we're being baby sat."

Brian laughed, "I got the same impression."
"So who is it you think they don't trust?"
"Probably me."

"Then why all the time with me?"

"Because you're more fun anyway."

"Oh yeah."
"And they probably think you're going to fall apart without me."

"I would, but it's only five days."
"You'd be fine without me."

"Shut the fuck up, we're not having this discussion."

"You going to sleep now?"

"Was thinking about it?"

"What are you wearing?"

"Not a damn thing, how bout you?"
"Just smoking a joint in bed, naked."

"Are you thinking about me?"

"I'm talking to you."

"That's not what I meant."

"Yeah, I'm thinking about you."

"Me too."

"You're thinking about yourself?"
"Brian, don't be stupid."

"Okay, I want you to do me a favor."

"Mmmmmm hmmm?"
"I want you to open your suitcase."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

Fine hang on. Justin opened his suitcase and Brian could hear him even though Justin had put the phone down.

"Brian, what if my luggage had been searched."

"They'd have known you were a size queen."

"How did you know I wouldn't find it before you called?"
"You never unpack. Now take it with you to the bed."

"I'm on the bed." Justin's voice was huskier now, and Brian was surprised at what just the sound of him could do to his body.

"I want you to put the phone on speaker, I need both your hands free."

Justin complied. "I'm on speaker."

"Now, touch your nipples, know that my tongue is there, licking them, playing with them." Justin moaned and Brian's hand found his own hard on as he pictured Justin laying on the bed playing with himself, his pale skin flushed pink with desire.

"You're hard aren't you?"

"God yes." Justin said as his hand moved down to touch his leaking cock.

"Are you touching yourself?"

"Yes."

"Stop."

Justin whimpered a little which let Brian know he'd stopped. "Now, get on your knees, I want you to lube your ass."

Justin was moaning softly as he did so.

"That's my tongue, slide your fingers where you want my tongue to be."

Justin did as Brian commanded.

"Are you ready for me Justin?"
"Brian, fuck me."

"Guide me inside."

And Justin grabbed the huge dildo that Brian had snuck into his luggage and pushed it against himself.

"It's big." he said.

"Do it all at once, I want to hear you scream."

Justin did, pushing the ten-inch long, and easily six inch round shaft deep into himself, he groaned and Brian shuddered at the sound, moving his hand faster to the sounds Justin was making into the phone.

"Okay, are you ready for me?"

Justin moaned again.

"Do you want me to fuck you Justin?"
"Please yes."

"Do it."

And Justin did, pulling the shaft in and out of himself, twisting it, pushing it into his own prostate and feeling his body tremble, closing his eyes and imagining Brian's body over him, kissing him, hearing Brian moaning from the phone by his head, as he grunted into the microphone, driving Brian to the brink from the sounds he was making.

"Come for me Justin."

Justin reached down, and ran his hand along his own cock, his face turned to the side so that the phone still picked up the sounds he was making as both of his hands worked him to orgasm.

"Brian I'm gonna come."

"I wanna hear it."

"So close."

"Come for me."

And Justin did, moaning and shooting onto the bedspread, His ass filled, his body shaking.

"Now roll over."

Justin did.

"Am I still inside you?"

Justin nodded, and then laughed, "yes,"

"Okay, I'll stay there for as long as you need, just go to sleep now sonny-boy, you've got to deal with Emmett tomorrow."

Justin smiled, "I love you Brian."

"You're not so bad yourself."

Neither hung up the phone immediately, each listening to the other one breathe. And finally Justin heard Brian's phone disconnect, and he tiredly reached for a pillow, draping his arm over it, as if it were Brian's chest.

Brian turned to his side, pulling a pillow close to himself wishing it were Justin's back that was pressed against his chest. They both fell asleep hoping that Friday got there quickly.

Chapter 34

Brian hit the alarm and reached over for Justin, for a moment he was aggravated. "The kid better not be in the studio this early" he thought to himself and then he remembered. "Fuck, he's in New York."

He ran his hand through his hair tiredly and tried not to think about how much better he slept when there was a blonde twink drooling on his shoulder. He took a quick shower and headed to the office. He considered stopping at the diner first but wasn't really in the mood to deal with anyone. He barely grunted a hello to Cynthia before he closed his office door and buried himself in design boards and half assed ideas and basically anything that would keep his brain occupied for a couple of hours.

Justin woke up groggy and bleary-eyed. His phone was ringing. It was Brian.

"Why are you calling me so early?"

"It's ten am Sunshine."

"Fuck, I thought I set the alarm."

"Alarms can be tricky."

"Fuck you." Justin said, recognizing the mocking in Brian's tone.

"Don't you need to be ready to show Emmett the sights?"

Justin lay back down, "Not for a couple of hours."

"Well at least you're sleeping."

"Fucking meds make me sleep too much, you know that."

"Take them anyway."

"I am."

"So how are you?"

"Tired."

"I mean…"

"I know what you mean, I'm fine, and I'm not three years old."

"You're still not allowed to use that word. Have you eaten anything?"

"I just woke up."

Deciding not to push the issue but still concerned about how Justin would react to the stress of the upcoming show coupled with their brief separation Brian decided to say nothing for now.

"Tell me again why I have to be here for two weeks?"

"Contractual obligation."

"Next time I'm gonna read the fucking contract before I sign it."

Brian laughed, "I think next time I'll read it for you, just to make sure you're not letting them put in clauses about leaving me again."

"Brian…"

"I know, I'm kidding, when did you lose your sense of humor?"

"I think when I got about 150 miles from you."

"That's pathetic."

"I know."

"So where are you and Emmett heading?"

"Who knows, we'll figure something out, lunch, shopping, something fabulous for clubbing and then you know, lots of drugs and an orgy."

"Hmmm, maybe I will come there early."

"Pfft, if all it took was sex, I'd have had you here already."

"You had me last night."

"Last night was hot, but it wasn't you."

"Awww, you miss me."

"You don't miss me?" Justin was using a voice that made it clear he was pouting.

"Nope, I love all the extra space, and no drool on my shoulder, it's refreshing."

Justin laughed, "If I thought that were true, I'd be heartbroken."

Brian said nothing, refusing to admit just how much he wanted Justin back NOW…they'd spent too much time away from each other in the past year.

"I've got to go, I should shower before Emmett arrives."

"And I've got a meeting in fifteen minutes."

"Is he hot?"

"Haven't seen him yet."

"I expect a detailed description."

"I'll call you later tonight."

"Later."

Brian closed his phone and thanked Emmett silently; Justin's voice had been shaky. He needed a friend right now.

Justin closed the phone and cried. He knew it was stupid. He knew that it was four fucking days until Brian would be there, and that he was an adult, perfectly capable of managing without him, and yet. Brian was so recently back from his spiral, and he felt so riddled with anxiety on some days that the absolute promise that the house held for him. The safety of knowing that Brian would eventually come to their bed, that he always had that bed to crawl into, even if it were only for a couple of hours, it was something he missed more than he would admit.

He drew in a ragged breath, turning the shower hotter than he usually liked and stood under the spray relishing the feel of the water and the soothing effects of the steam. He had his morning breakdown, and now he'd be ready to face the day, and the night, and Emmett would be there to help him. Silently he thanked the meddlesome group of friends that were keeping their eyes on the both of them this week. He felt better knowing Brian was being baby sat as well.

Brian's meeting went well and the guy was hot. He fucked him in his office after the rest of the creative team had left. It would do until he got to New York.

Justin was pulling on a t-shirt when he heard a knock at his door. He answered it, his hair still damp from the shower.

"Ooh, am I interrupting something?"

"No Em, I'm ready to go."

"Fabulous, and you look great sweetie."

Justin gave him a crooked smile, "I look like shit and we both know it."

"Well, auntie Em can fix that."

Justin raised an eyebrow, doing his best Brian Kinney impersonation. It didn't work; on Justin it looked more cute than intimidating. Emmett laughed.

"So where are we going?"

They were walking down the hallway towards the elevator, Justin's bag slung over his shoulder, his jacket and scarf still in his hands.

"I thought we'd see a few touristy sites, and then do a little shopping, a little lunch…"

"How was your meeting?"

"What?"

"Your meeting, with the mother of the bride?"

"Oh, fine, just the same old concerns."

Justin smiled to himself, willing to bet that there was no client at all. "Well lunch sounds good, I'm starving."

Emmett nodded and they began discussing lunch options.

Brian was finally home. Cynthia had plied him with paperwork and meetings and phone calls to return until he began to suspect some sort of plot. Every time he thought he might be able to get out of the office someone came in with something else that needed his immediate attention. It was well past eight by the time he finally turned off the lights in his office.

He had just finished changing out of his work clothes when he heard the doorbell. He cursed to himself, and answered.

"Theodore, haven't we seen enough of each other today?"

"Yeah, but I forgot to get you to sign these, and they quarterly tax stuff is due at the end of the month, so…"

"And you brought Blake along for moral support?"

"Well, we were heading out to dinner and then I remembered, so we swung by."

"Swung by?" Brian wasn't buying a word of it; they lived a half an hour in the other direction.

"Where exactly were you heading for dinner in this neck of the woods?"

Ted shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "Just have dinner with us or Debbie's gonna have my ass."

Brian laughed, "You're tonight's babysitter?"

Ted tried to blow it off, "Babysitter? No, we just figured, since now you have some free time and we hardly get to see you that…"

Brian was glaring menacingly, but then realized that his options were limited to leftover takeout, or dinner with Ted and Blake. He thought longingly about the congealed Thai noodles in the fridge from Thursday but decided he'd be a good sport. "Fine."

Ted breathed a sigh of relief and Blake smiled at him, "I knew he'd give in."

"No you didn't."

"No, I didn't, but I think he really misses Justin."

Brian returned with shoes on and a jacket, "I don't miss Justin, but I do miss his cooking."

They headed out to find something that wasn't a generic chain restaurant, but ended up at one anyway. The suburbs are like that.

Justin and Emmett were browsing through racks of outrageously hued clothing talking about nothing in particular.

Emmett held up a bright blue shirt with side insets of yellow transparent plastic for Justin's approval.

Justin wrinkled his nose and shook his head, and Emmett shrugged and added it to the growing pile of clothes to take back to the dressing room.

Justin found a sheer white shirt with a blue sheen to it that he thought might look great under a disco ball, he held it up and Emmett nodded enthusiastically.

"So when is Brian actually coming to the big city?"

"Friday, I wish he were here now."

Emmett pretended to pout. "Well, if I'm not good company…"

"Emmett, you know that's not it, I just hate this city, and I hate it more without him."

"I know sweetie, but look at it this way, if you two got through those three months after the um…non wedding, then surely you can make it through two weeks."

"I hope so."

"You really worried sugar?" Emmett looked at Justin trying to ascertain how upset he was.

"You know Brian, he changes his mind and then it gets stuck that way. What if I'm not there and its you know, easier, or more relaxing. Fuck, I don't have the energy for that fight again."

"He's not gonna do that this time baby. He loves you."

"Fuck Emmett. I know that. I've known that longer than he's known that. But he forgets, and it's really hard to remind him sometimes."

"Really hard?"

"Stop it, you know what I mean. Sure, he'll fuck me even when he's convinced himself he doesn't love me, but… Dammit…he better not fucking forget."

Emmett laughed, "I think you may have finally convinced him you're not just a trick."

"Every time I think that he pulls some shit like last month."

"Last month, when he totaled the car?"

"Yeah, he tried it again after the accident."

"Tried what?"

Emmett was always willing to talk to Justin and to listen but usually Justin was guarded and vague when he discussed the details of his relationship with Brian. Emmett often wondered if it was because he was protecting Brian by not sharing things Brian would deem mushy or too personal or if it was because Justin thought that talking about it might damage it in some way, jinxing it or something.

"He tried to convince me to go away again, to leave him."

Emmett gasped, "That fucker, he did it again, I thought he was over that shit."

"Yeah well so did I. Then his mom died, and he was like, fucking 29 again, 'Mr. No one loves me, no one should love me, I don't believe in love, I'm just like my dad Kinney' it took everything I had to convince him I wasn't leaving."

How did you finally convince him?"

"I stayed"

Emmett laughed. Justin didn't join him.

"But now I'm not there. What if it's easier without me?"

"It isn't. We've all seen him without you, trust me, he doesn't find life easier."

"Emmett, promise me when you go back you'll keep an eye on him, I don't care if you have to camp out on the front doorstep, just don't let him get too used to being alone."

Emmett smiled, "I don't think he'll have too much alone time."

"Deb arranged all this didn't she?"

"All what?" Emmett tried to look shocked and offended.

"The babysitting."

"It's not that it's just…" Emmett trailed off.

"It's just that you all know what a flaming disaster it becomes when Brian does that thing."

Emmett wrapped his arms around Justin from behind, "Sweetie, that thing, that Brian does."

"Yeah?"

"It's usually because you let him."

Justin turned around quickly about to argue and then stopped and slumped his shoulders.

"Yeah, it is. I forget sometimes too."

"Well, that's what the 'babysitting' is about. It's so neither of your forget."

Justin smiled, "You guys care about us that much?"

"Care about you? Sweetie, do you KNOW what it takes to put up with the two of you when you're apart. First we have to keep track of you, so he can get updates. Then we have to watch him, to make sure he doesn't end up in a coma on the floor of the gravel pit. Then we get to watch him fuck every non-blonde in Pittsburgh while swearing he doesn't give a shit. Then we all get the glory of your company while you regale us with how wonderful the life you're hating is. It's fucking exhausting."

Justin laughed even harder now. "It's not really that bad."

Emmett gave him a serious look. "It really is. So no forgetting."

Justin nodded, I promise, now lets go try these on.

They went back to the hotel to change before they went out dancing. Justin was laughing hysterically at the story Emmett was telling about the straight couple that thought a rainbow themed wedding was romantic while he swiped his card to open the door. It hit him the moment he walked in.

For some reason Justin had been able to put it all out of his head with Emmett, and shopping, and he'd even managed to eat lunch without issue and in the back of his head he knew he'd see Brian soon and it was all going to be okay, but then he opened the hotel door and suddenly knew that Brian wasn't there. He wasn't anywhere near, he wasn't coming, he wasn't okay. He began to shake.

Emmett was still laughing when he saw the change in Justin. "Sweetie, you okay?"
Justin sat on the bed, sweating and shivering at the same time. He got up quickly and ran to the bathroom, losing his lunch and the pretzel he'd bought from a vendor earlier. He came back out and smiled a little apologetically.

"You're shaking."

Justin nodded, still not able to speak, his breathing was shallow, and his heart was racing. He tried to breathe, tried to remember what his doctor had told him to do to get through an attack, but it wasn't working. He curled up on the bed. "Sorry Em." He said quietly, tears running down his face.

Emmett was worried, he looked sick, he'd seen how tired and thin Justin had gotten when he had been working on the party and the show at the same time, but he'd seemed to have recovered, but now…Emmett wasn't so sure. Justin pulled the duvet around him, curled up in a ball. His teeth chattering. He tried to talk to Justin but wide blue eyes stared wide with fear, not seeming to see him. He reached out to touch Justin's shoulder but the blonde flinched away, pulling himself into a tight ball. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, but he wasn't making a sound.

Emmett, not knowing what else to do, called Brian.

Brian was actually amused by Blake. It could be the entire bottle of red wine he'd had, or possibly the joint he'd smoked on the way to the restaurant, but Blake had amusing stories about his clients, although he refused to use real names, and had far more of a personality than anyone Brian would have imagined with Ted.

He was laughing at something when his phone rang.

"Brian, something's wrong with Justin."

"What the fuck's going on?"

Emmett described the symptoms, and Brian could hear the panic in his voice. "Fuck, put the phone up to his ear, and do me a favor."

Brian took a deep breath; he couldn't believe he was saying this. He stood up and walked away from the table, motioning to Ted and Blake that He'd return in a few minutes.

"Emmett."

"Yes Brian?"

"Look, just run your hand along his back, and give him the phone."

"Okay."

"Justin, you there?"

"Brian?"

"You okay?"

"I'm f…"

"Don't fucking even think about it."

"Scared Brian."

"I know."

"It's not gonna be okay."

"It is."

"You're not coming."

"Yes I am."

"Brian."

"I'm right here Justin, I'll be there in a couple of days I promise."

"Brian, you can't come here, you need to…"

"Shhhh, you're going to be okay, and I'm coming there in a couple of days, just listen to me okay? Justin are you listening?"

"Mmmmmm hmmm."

"You're just doing that thing, that panic thing, you're really good at it sonny-boy. You do it better than anyone I know. You don't do anything halfway. But it's just panic, it's not real, I promise."

"How do you know?"

"I know everything."

"No you don't"

"Yes I do."

"Nuh uh."

Brian relaxed, Justin was in a teasing mood, and he'd be okay.

"I know absolutely everything and the one thing I know better than anyone else is you."

"Are you mad at me?"

"Why the fuck would I be mad?"

"Because I'm insane?"

"We've been through this, I like you insane, it keeps things interesting."

"I'm sorry."

"You're not allowed to say that either."

"Brian, I'm okay now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Breathe for me."

Justin inhaled deeply and exhaled. "See, I'm okay."

"Go out with Emmett tonight, don't take too much E and no coke or crystal, you don't need your heart racing any more tonight."

"I promise."

"I'll stay on as long as you need me."

"I'm okay now, go back to whatever you were doing."

"I'm having dinner with Ted and Blake."

Justin laughed "No wonder you want to stay on the phone with me."

Brian laughed too.

"I'm gonna go now Brian."

"Okay, take a shower, and relax."

"I will, I love you."

"I know."

"Call me later?"

"Later."

Brian hung up the phone and returned to the table. "Client issue it's resolved."

Neither Ted nor Blake believed him for a moment, they both knew it was Justin, but they were also both smart enough not to say anything.

Brian gripped his own knee under the table trying to make his hands stop shaking. Fine, Justin was okay, but now he was a fucking mess. The kid was in the city, alone and scared. No, Emmett was there, he wasn't alone. He ordered another bottle of wine and his dinner companions sat back knowing the evening might end up being longer than they had originally anticipated.

Emmett continued to rub his hand along Justin's spine while the blonde talked to Brian. He had no idea what they were saying to each other, Justin was mumbling into the phone and he only caught every few words but he felt the boy relax. He felt his heart slow, and his breathing return to normal. He heard him laugh. Christ, ten minutes ago Emmett had been ready to rush the kid to the emergency room, and now he was laughing, and teasing Brian. Emmett shook his head; these two forgot what they meant to each other. They were both fucking insane.

He was still rubbing Justin's back when the blonde hung up the phone.

Justin lay there for a while, his eyes closed, pretending that it was Brian's hand soothing him. Remembering Brian's words. His promise. He'd be here.

He sat up, and smiled a little. "Sorry 'bout that, I guess I just freaked."

"A little, but it's okay, if you don't want to go out…"

"No, just give me a few minutes to shower, and then we'll go."

"Okay baby. I'll get changed."

Justin nodded and let the hot water soothe him back to full calm. He let it wash away the tears and the stiffness in his shoulders and when he was dressed in his new form fitting brown leather jeans and a dark blue top that accentuated his eyes while also drawing attention to his pale skin. He looked amazing. Emmett forgot how hot Justin looked when he really tried and reminded himself silently that he wasn't worth dying for.

Emmet had gone with bright red leather pants and a purple shirt that accentuated his muscular arms and sculpted torso. He was flamboyant and eye catching and beautiful. The two took off together and enjoyed each other's company as they drank a couple of beers and surveyed the club. It was Tuesday night, but the crowd was starting to build. They smiled at each other and made their way to the dance floor, happily dancing with each other, and others who offered. Emmett pressed a tab of E into Justin's hand and he swallowed it dry, dancing with a hot guy with long brown hair while he waited for the drugs to take over.

A little while later, the club was dazzling. Justin was feeling no pain and Emmett was watching him carefully. He hadn't taken anything himself, after Justin's little episode he felt the need to have his wits about him, but he also understood that Justin might need to lose himself a little for the night.

Justin did go disappear with a beautiful dark haired guy, black hair and startling blue eyes, but he returned, with a broad smile and a satisfied stagger fifteen minutes later. He danced with Emmett some more, losing himself to the music. Emmet offered him a popper and he let his eyes roll back for a few seconds and danced even harder. Eventually he found himself with a blonde god, Six foot three, perfect body, and amazing abilities with his mouth. He was smiling even more broadly when he returned again. Emmett decided it was time to take him home.

"I want to stay a little longer."

"Sweetie, you've got to be at the gallery at ten tomorrow and it's already two thirty."

"Fuck, I have to be back by three."

"Still?"

"It's the rules." Justin smiled, "Watch, the phone will ring at 2:59"

Emmett grabbed Justin, paid the coat check for their coats and hailed a cab. He poured the blonde into the taxi, and gave the hotel address. They got back to the room at 2:58

A minute later the phone rang.

"See." Justin said as he answered.

"See what?" Brian asked.

"Nothing, I was just saying you call a minute early."

"I do not, I called at three."

"It's 2:59"

"It takes time to dial."

"You have voice dial."

"What the fuck are you on?"

"You said it could do E."

"Where'd you get it."

"Emmett, duh, I don't take candy from strangers."

Brian laughed, "You're flying."

"I am, you should be too, then we could fuck, and we'd be fucking flying." Justin started to laugh uncontrollably.

"Is Emmett there?"

"Yep."

"Put him on for a second."

"Sure thing."

"He wants you to watch me" Justin said, handing the phone to the taller man.

"Brian?"

"You staying?"

"I'll stay, no problem."

"Make sure he drinks a lot of water, and don't give him any fucking valium to help him come down, he's already got a sleeping pill, oh and he'll forget, so make sure he takes it, and his other meds, they're packed in the inside zipper of his suitcase."

"Okay"

"Are you on anything."

"I thought I'd baby-sit tonight."

"I owe you one."

"I'll be sure and collect."

Brian heard Justin giggling, and then Emmett made a small yelping sound. Brian growled. "You're not collecting from him tonight."

"Brian, I value my life a little more than that."

"I want to talk to my…Brian."

Emmett handed the phone back to Justin. "You should have seen the guy who blew me tonight, he was hot. Not as hot as you, but still."

Brian smiled and tried to think of it as just another trick, he was not gonna start getting jealous about shit like this now.

"What was his name?"

"Shhhh, that's against the rules, no names, I called him Blondie."

"So he was blonde?"

"Nope, the other guy was, I called him Turk."

"Why Turk?"

Justin started to laugh. "Um, I don't remember, but he had a great tongue, Blondie had black hair and liked it hard and fast."

"I'm glad you had fun."

"It's more fun with you, I like you hard and fast, or hard and slow, or…well, just hard."

Brian smiled, "yeah, well, you do that to me."

"Do I make you horny baby do I?" Justin asked in a terrible Austin powers impression.

"Not when you're this tweaked."

Justin pouted. "You can't see it but I'm pouting."

"I can hear it."

"Brian, come here."

"I will come once I'm there."

"Promise?"

"Yes."

"Did you fuck the client?"

"Yes."

"Was he hot?"

"Not as hot as you Blondie."

Justin giggled. "I should go, I have a guest to entertain."

"That's Emmett, it's a different kind of entertaining."

"Pfft, I know, you don't fuck your friends. Duh, I'm tweaked not stupid."

"Okay then. Go take your meds and drink some water, and go to sleep."

"Do you remember that you love me?"

"Yes."

"Good, don't forget okay?"

"Okay."

"I remember stuff about you."

"Like what?"

"Like that it makes you moan when I lick the tattoo on the inside of your thigh and that I love that, oh, and I love you."

Brian laughed again. "It's all true."

"G'night Bri."

"G'night sunshine."

Justin closed the phone and Emmett pretended not to have heard most of the conversation.

Chapter 35

The phone rang at nine.

"What?"

"Good morning sir, this is the front desk with your wake up call."

"Fuck off."

"Yes sir."

Justin groaned, he didn't feel like spending an entire day at the gallery arguing with Ranston but he knew he had to. He crawled out of bed, his only goal a shower.

"I'm gonna get going sweetie, my plane leaves in a little over an hour."

Justin had forgotten Emmett was still there. "Why'd you sleep on the couch?"

"I like my arms attached."

Justin smiled, "Brian only pretends to be jealous."

"He's not pretending, besides, better safe than sorry, especially when you were flying so high last night."

Justin's smile widened, "last night was fun. Fuck, did I do that to you Emmett?"

Emmett looked at him questioningly and then noticed where his eyes were directed; there was a large hickey on Emmett's neck. "No baby, that was someone else."

"Good, that'd be awkward."

"I gotta go, see you at the show."

"Yeah, and don't forget…"

"I know, take care of Brian, we will."

Justin leaned in to kiss Emmett on the cheek and once the door shut behind him he turned the shower on as hot as he could stand it and stood under the spray.

Emmet was in the elevator before he put a hand to his neck. Yes, Justin had done that, but in his sleep, and there was no reason to make an issue out of it. Emmett had lay down next to Justin after handing him his meds and some water. Soon after they both drifted off. He had awoken to Justin whispering Brian's name and nibbling at his neck. He'd pushed the blonde off of him and moved to the sofa for the rest of the night. Brian was one lucky bastard, he thought to himself as he hailed a cab to get him to the airport.

Justin was at the gallery by ten thirty, and ignored Ranston's ramblings about punctuality. They started to go through the catalog for the show and time flew.

Brian tried to call Justin twice but there was no answer on the hotel phone and his cell went directly to voicemail. After the third message he stopped calling. Justin would call him when he could. He was at the gallery today.

He focused instead on the new line of cosmetics that he was working on making more upscale. Trying to get them into finer stores instead of hanging on racks at the Big Q. He thought he might have come up with a marketing angle that hadn't been done a thousand times before when his phone rang.

"Is it too late to go to Dartmouth?"

"I think so, rough day?"

"Grrr, you don't want to know."

"Sure I do."

"Fucking Ranston, wants to hang pieces so that they'll juxtapose."

"Juxtaposition is bad?"

"I want the show to flow, I want to start with certain pieces that ease into other pieces, kind of telling a story. In his version the story looks a lot like memento."

"Well, that's…. artsy."

"It's bullshit Brian. It's MY stuff, it should hang in the order I say."

"Sadly, he's not as willing to put up with your being a bossy bottom as I am."
Justin took a long drag of his cigarette, he was walking towards the nearest Starbucks, he wasn't even sure he wanted coffee, he had just used the need for a latte as an excuse to get away from Ranston before he smashed one of his own paintings over the mans head.

"Brian, he's an asshole."

"Yeah, he is."

"I suppose you won't help me kill him either?"

"Not 'til after the show at least."

"After the show I won't need to kill him."

"Then the problem goes away either way."

"Brian."

"Yeah?"

"You're coming on Friday right?"

Brian sighed, "I'm getting really tired of that question."

"I'm really getting tired of Ranston telling me what a wonderful contrast numbers 39 and 7 would be hanging next to each other."

"Why don't you take a break and get some lunch."

"I'm getting a latte."

"That's not food."

"Are we really gonna have this conversation?"

"Not if you ate this morning."

Justin was silent.

"Last night?"

Justin still didn't say anything.

Brian's free hand balled into a fist. "I'm not coming to New York if you're gonna be all skinny and crazy when I get there."

"You said you liked me crazy."

"Fucking eat something."

Justin took his latte and left Starbucks. "There's a hotdog vendor, will that make you happy?"

"Sure, botulism sounds delicious."

"Fuck you."

"I'm planning on fucking you."

Justin rolled his eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me."

"How the fuck did you know I was rolling my eyes?"

"I heard it."

"I'm gonna scream."

"You're on the street in New York, I don't think anyone will even notice."

Justin shook his head. "Hang on Brian. One with mustard. Okay I'm back."

"You're really eating a hotdog on the street."

"I don't have time to do much else, if I stay away too long I'm going to have to revisit the fights I've already won this morning."

"I'd help if I could."

"I know you would."

"Who's babysitting you tonight?"

"I think Ted and Blake are in town, but I'm thinking of blowing them off. I'm tired. You?"

"I'm going over to Lindsay's to help her assemble something for Gus, or JR."

"Did she buy something just so you'd have to assemble it?"

Brian laughed. "Maybe she took something apart so I'd have to reassemble it. The kid is six, I still don't know what a fucking gratchett is."

"Well, it'll be nice for you to spend time with Gus, you haven't had a lot of time lately."

"You mean I haven't been using my time wisely lately."

"I was trying not to nag."

"It's amazing how well you can nag without actually saying anything."

"Yeah, I'm just that good."

"You are good."

"Except when I'm bad."

"Even then, you're pretty fucking good."

"Stop, I'm blushing. I've got to go, I'm back at the gallery, and GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING SHIT! He's rearranging things we've already agreed on."

"Friday."

"Yeah, later." Justin said distracted as he closed his phone and stormed into the gallery to fight for his vision of his first solo show.

Brian put the phone down relieved. Justin was angry, but he wasn't scared, and he'd at least tried to eat. Two fucking days. No big deal, they were grown men, he was Brian fucking Kinney for fucks sake, he could handle two fucking days until he saw Justin.

At seven Justin's phone rang again, It was Ted and Blake. "Hey, we were wondering what you were doing for dinner."

"Joining you, but I have to get back to the hotel, shower and change. I'll meet you in the lobby at eight?"

"Sounds good."

He hung up quickly and promised Ranston he'd be at the teaser show on Saturday, and at the Sunday brunch with the backers. He also made Ranston promise not to touch the order they'd agreed upon, and headed back to the hotel.

Blake and Ted were waiting for him in the lobby when he came back down. They debated options and ended up at an upscale trendy annoyingly pretentious place with mediocre food but Blake was actually pleasant company. He had amusing client stories and Ted filled Justin in on what he'd missed while he was gone. Neither one would tell him what kind of car Brian had bought; they'd been sworn to secrecy.

At eleven they left and Justin went back up to his room. He was tired, and his head was spinning with ideas for the show, and ideas for new paintings, he grabbed his sketchbook, he took his meds and waited for Brian to call.

Brian showed up on Lindsay's doorstep at seven, he'd changed into jeans. She greeted him with a hug and a large box. "It says all the tools are included."

Brian snorted, "They're always missing something, what is this anyway?"

"It's a play center for JR."

Brian stared for a second. "If I promise to stay and be babysat anyway, do I still have to put this together?"

Lindsay laughed, "Yes, you know Michael can't work a gratchett, and you were so good with Gus's swing set."

"Yeah, great, as I recall Mel was the one who actually got it to stand up and hold weight."

"Well, Mel isn't around to do that now."

Brian tried to ignore the note of sadness in Lindsay's voice. Instead he opened the box and pretended to study the assembly manual.

"Brian… About the car."

"You don't like the color?"

"You know I can't accept it."

"Bullshit, you need to be able to get to work, it's the safest thing on the road, and it's what's best for Gus, and JR."

"Brian, I'm trying to stand on my own here."

"I'm not stopping you, go stand all by yourself, stand anywhere you want, just stand there with the keys in your pocket."

Lindsay sighed. "It's too much."

"It's nothing. Give it to Gus when he's 16 we'll call it an early birthday present."

"Brian." Lindsay laughed.

He smiled at her, "I want you to have the fucking car okay, you and the kids need it, you can't keep taking Justin's and I'm sure as hell not lending you mine so really, it's for me. This way I don't have to lend your or Justin my new car."

"So you bought me the new Volvo SUV with a DVD player for the kids and all the bells and whistles because you're selfish and won't share your car with me or Justin?"

"Yes."

She laughed again. "Fine, but this is the last thing I'm accepting from you."

"Actually I was thinking we should put an addition onto this house."

"Brian!"

"Seriously, JR's a regular speed demon, and Gus isn't exactly shrinking, I figured we'd add on a large living room, a study and Make the kitchen a little bigger, nothing too extravagant but…"

"Brian you can't just give me a house."

"Who's giving you a house? I'm increasing the resale value of the property. Besides, if you want Gus to have a dog, you should probably fence in the back yard, and if I'm going to do that, then we need to figure out where the back yard is, and we can't do that until we put the addition on. It's just more practical this way."

Lindsay sighed and went to the kitchen to check on dinner, trying to decide if she wanted to strangle or hug him for his unwavering generosity. In the end she just decided to feed him, and they both got slightly buzzed from a couple of bottles of wine before he kissed her lightly on the cheek and walked back to the house. It was a little after 11.

He pulled his cell out of his pocket and called Justin.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"You sound tired."

"You got that from hey?"

"I know everything remember?"

"I remember lots of things."

"How was dinner with Ted and Blake?"

"Blake has a personality, did you know that?"

"Yeah, found out last night, shocked the hell out of me."

Justin laughed, "Me too, but he's funny."

"His client stories are great."

"Have I mentioned how much I am not looking forward to tomorrow?"

"You and Daphne, sounds like fun."

"I'm too tired to keep up with her."

"Someone's getting old." Brian singsonged.

"I'm not getting old, but these stupid meds make me tired, and I've been working all day."

"And partying all night."

"Just last night."

"And the night before."

"We're not really having this conversation."

"No, we're not. I am not a hypocrite."

"Oh you so are, but I'm not tired because I've been dancing I'm tired because…"

"What?"

"Nothing."

"What."

"It's stupid."

"So."

"Because it's hard to sleep when you're not in the bed."

Brian laughed.

"Don't laugh at me."

"I'm not laughing at you sunshine, I'm just glad you didn't get to used to me not being around."

"I hate it when you're not around."

"I know the feeling."

"What are you wearing?"

Brian smiled widely, "nothing."

"Mmmmmm, that's too bad."

"Why's that?" Justin could hear him smirking.

"Because I was gonna take your clothes off with my teeth, but you're already naked."

"I can put them back on."

"No don't bother, I'm too tired to do much anyway, I'd probably have fallen asleep after your third button."

"I'm not wearing a button down."

"I thought you weren't wearing anything."

"Yeah, that too. What are you wearing?"

"Just my white underwear, I'm in bed, tired."

"You take your meds?"

"You know I did, they make me groggy."

"You drink anything tonight?"

"Some pretentious microbrew beer."

"That all?"

"And one tiny tiny tiny bottle of gin."

"Tell me you didn't take your meds with a mini bar bottle of gin."

"I thought you told me not to lie to you."

Brian sighed, "Someday you'll go a whole day without making me worry."

"Someday you'll stop worrying about things that don't matter."

"You matter."

"I love you Brian."

"I love that about you."

"G'night."

"Sleep well sunshine."

"Friday?"

"Friday."

"Promise?"

"Mmmmmm hmmm."

"K"

Brian closed the phone and left a message on Cynthia's voicemail.

Daphne was staying on the same sofa that Justin had slept on for months while he was in New York. She was banging on his hotel room door at ten the next morning.

He flung the door open and greeted her with a wide grin.

"You're a freak."

"You're the freak, banging loud enough to wake the dead."

"I've been knocking for ten minutes."

"I was in the shower."

He moved aside to let her in. "So what's on the agenda today?"

"Whatever you want, I'm just here to…"

"Don't tell me Deb roped you into babysitting too."

Daphne shot him a confused look, "babysitting? No, I just haven't had a chance to hang out with you in like forever."

"That's because you and Brad have spent like, every waking moment together."

"Well, yeah, he's been around a lot, but you haven't exactly been Mr. Available."

"I was working."

"Among other things."

"Hey, it's been a rough year."

Daphne rolled her eyes. "In the six years you've known Brian, which year wasn't rough?"

Justin thought about it, he almost said something and then closed his mouth again. "Brian is high maintenance."

"So are you."

"We have one of those roller coaster relationships."

"Sounds nauseating."

"It is, but what am I supposed to do, I love him."

"Duh, you told me that the day after you met him."

Justin shrugged. "He really is a great fuck."

Daphne leaned back on the bed and threw a pillow at him. "Are we going to spend yet ANOTHER day hanging out and talking about Brian or might we actually do something?"

"Lets, go, we can be tourists if you want."

"Sounds fun."

"Daph."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. I forget sometimes that you've been there for like, all of it, Christ, I must be the most annoying best friend ever."

"Well, you're not always the easiest to get a hold of, but I get it. I mean, you two, and you and me, we're friends, that's what we do, I mean how many times have I made you bring me ice cream at four in the morning because some asshole called, or didn't call, or left, or wouldn't leave, it's what we do, it's how we are."

"I know but, just, thank you okay?"

"Thank you too. Now can we go do something corny before I cry?"

"Sure, Empire State Building or Statue of Liberty."

"Uggggh, suddenly touristy sounds less fun, can't we just go shopping."

Justin smiled and Daphne's smile was even wider, "I know just the place."

They were laughing and joking and generally acting like the teenagers they used to be, and drawing odd looks from some of the clientele at Barney's.

Justin bought Daphne a pair of earrings she'd been eyeing, and she bought him an outrageously expensive messenger bag to replace the ratty one he'd been carrying for years.

"Daph, you can't afford this."

"Of course I can."

"While working for practically minimum wage at the clinic?"

"Didn't I tell you, I got approved for licensure, I'm a therapist."

"You're a…"

"I finally finished my Masters and my supervision training. Fucking internship impoverished me but now they brought me on at the hospital as a full time clinician, so real money."

"Yeah but even hospital clinician real money…"

"Justin, how many months did you pay half the rent even though you were living with Brian."

"We weren't living together, that's why I paid you rent."

She rolled her eyes. "If you weren't living together how come I saw you like, twice a month?"

"Ummm…"

"Yeah, so let me do this for you."

"Fine, but then I'm buying you the matching necklace."

"Don't be a dork."

Justin went back to the jewelry counter, and Daphne smiled. She was just relived to see Justin so happy, and to think that she'd finally finished school. Maybe after all the drama, they could both be happy.

They continued to prattle on, finishing each other's sentences, oversharing about their love lives, and generally reminding themselves why their friendship had lasted so long while they had lunch, and continued to shop. Justin was looking for something to wear to the opening, but he wasn't too worried about it, he still had the stuff Brian had bought him on his first trip to Barney's.

Daphne was looking for something for a special occasion but she wouldn't mention what it was. Finally Justin spun her around. "Just tell me what's happening, then I can help you find the right outfit."

"I um…"

"You umm…." Justin rolled his hands trying to get her to finish her sentence.

"I ummm, think Brad's gonna propose."

Justin pulled her into a hug. Then pulled back "you think?"

"Well, we've talked about it, and we've kind of looked at rings, and then I kind of got some signals, and then I um…"

"You ummm…"

"I sort of found the ring in his underwear drawer."

"Which you were rifling through because?"

"Because I thought there might be a ring in there."

Justin laughed "and you're sure it's for you?"

She pushed Justin, "who else would it be for? We've been together almost a year, and well, I think I love him."

"You think?"

"I love him."

"Good, so when?"

"I don't know, but I think this weekend, when I get back, he's got reservations at Papagano's and well, it seems the perfect time, and it's where we went on our first real date…"

"Two months after you'd already been fucking."

"Why date a guy if he's gonna be lousy in bed?"

"And I'm the freak."

"Can we just accept we're both freaks?"

"Sure, so lets find you something dazzling."

Daphne smiled and followed Justin who helped her find the perfect outfit for the upcoming occasion.

When he dropped her off back at her friends house he was sad to say goodbye, but they'd both be back in Pittsburgh by the end of the month. He stayed for a little while with his old roommates, had a beer or two, and was going to head back to the hotel when they invited him out to the club with them.

He had turned them down so many times before but tonight it sounded like fun. They were surprised when he said yes. Daphne was invited as well, but she begged off, claiming to have a headache. Justin knew that Daphne was a great fag hag in almost every aspect, but she HATED to watch him club. She hated to watch him with anyone but Brian. He loved Daph, and never minded the quirk. He found it cute that she was bothered far more by the tricking than either Brian or Justin. He kissed her on the cheek and left with the guys.

The club was packed, and Justin, as usual lost himself to the beat. He ordered a shot and a beer, and then another shot. When Paul, one of his old roommates offered him a bump he took it.

"Shit that's strong."

"My own special trail mix."

Justin was feeling good, the four of them danced together until Joe and Raymond found other guys to disappear with. He and Paul were dancing when Justin felt a strong arm at his waist. He spun to see who was invading his space and smiled, the guy was not too tall, probably about 5' 11" with light brown hair and gray eyes. He was a good dancer too. When they spun again Paul was off with someone else and Justin continued to dance with gray eyes. They were moving against each other, enjoying the feel of their bodies pressed together when he felt a taller presence against his back.

Justin continued to move, gracefully backing away a bit to see what this one looked like. He was hotter than gray eyes. Olive skin, broad chest, strong hands, Black hair and tall. He was definitely Brian's type Justin thought as he let himself be sandwiched between the two.

Paul joined them again after a couple of songs and offered Justin another bump. He took it gratefully and then headed back to the bar for a drink. Grey eyes and Olive Skin followed him. They each bought a round, and after the three shots, and another beer Justin whispered leaned in to lick Olive Skin's ear, "Wanna come back to my hotel?"

Olive skin nodded and Grey eyes looked disappointed until Justin smiled his patented sunshine smile, "Don't worry, I'm not leaving you here alone", and he pulled Gray eyes by the waistband as Olive skin followed the two out of the club.

"Fuck" Paul said to Raymond, I thought he was…

"Yeah," Raymond said, I didn't peg him as that good.

"But he is"

"Apparently."

The two went back to dancing.

"Either of you have a car?"

Gray eyes and Olive skin shook their heads. Justin hailed a cab.

When all three were in the back Justin gave the address and leaned back as the four hands of the other men began to stroke him. He stroked back, and sighed softly as he felt his shirt lifted and a tongue on his nipple.

They tried to restrain themselves as they headed up to the suite but by the time the elevator was opening Grey eyes shirt was off and Olive skin was tugging at the waistband of Justin's jeans.

He opened the door and directed his guest to the bed. He pulled a few more bottles out of the mini bar and tossed them onto the bed, downing one himself.

Then he took control.

"I want you." He pointed at Grey eyes.

"You." He gestured to Olive skin, can eat my ass while I'm fucking him.

They were both naked now and Justin pulled out a condom and some lube, he was shoving his fingers into Grey eyes, watching as his ass pushed back on his hand, making him even harder, and as he moved himself towards the man kneeling on the bed he felt hands on his ass cheeks, and a tongue along his crack. He moaned and pushed himself into the willing ass on the bed, burying himself to the hilt.

He heard the moans the man was making, he leaned forward, and pushed the tricks head down with his hands, while pumping into him with long and slow strokes.

He felt a lubed finger in his ass, and pushed back against it while he fucked the other man. The guy was tight, good, and squeezing his ass around Justin's dick. He felt another finger in his ass and was pumping back on the fingers and then into the ass in front of him. He kept his rhythm moving faster and harder as the fingers found his prostate and started to wriggle against it. He moaned louder, and let out a yell as he came.

Sweaty he lay back on the bed.

"Suck him off." Justin ordered olive skin, motioning towards Gray eyes. And as the man crawled across the bed to do just that Justin watched the action.

Grey eyes was on his knees, his mouth licking at Justin's neck and nipples, his hands stroking his thighs. Olive skin was on his back, sucking Gray eyes off, letting him fuck his mouth.

When Justin was hard again he got up from the bed and pushed his re-sheathed cock into Olive skin, resting the mans long dark legs on his pale shoulders, grabbing and fisting the guys thick cock at the same time.

A few seconds later Brian walked in.

Both men stopped moving when they saw a new player enter the suite.

Brian had decided to cancel any Friday meetings he had and take a late flight Thursday night instead. He figured he'd surprise Justin. By the time he got out of the airport and caught a cab it was well after midnight. It was almost one when he finally got to the hotel. Cynthia had called ahead, so the concierge had the key ready for him. He hoped Justin wasn't asleep.

He wasn't.

When Brian walked in he was a little surprised, but then he was just fucking hard. Christ the kid looked hot, fucking that guy, the dark legs on his shoulder, his head thrown back.

The two men stopped when they saw him enter. He closed the door behind him.

"Hi honey I'm home."

Justin smiled "You're early."

"Looks to me like I'm right on time."

The men began to move again when they realized they were not in the middle of a domestic dispute.

Brian pulled off his sweater and kicked off his shoes. He dropped his jeans and the men were more than happy to let the gorgeous new player onto the field.

Brian stood behind Justin, his arms around his waist. Justin leaned his head back to kiss Brian, while continuing to thrust into Olive skin. "He's hot." Brian whispered in his ear.

"You're hotter." Justin said.

"Still mine?"

Justin gave him a look that told him everything, and within moments Brian slid a condom on and was buried deep inside Justin, who was now moaning more loudly.

"Fuck me Brian." He said as Brian pushed into him while he pushed into Olive skin. Brian was setting the pace now, and soon Grey eyes came, his head thrown back, his mouth open. He moved out from beneath Olive skin and began to use his mouth and his hands again. He was kneeling over the man Justin was fucking and licking at Justin's nipples, tugging at them with his teeth, taking small nips and long licks and butterfly flicks of his tongue along his chest and around his pink and hard nipples. He leaned up to kiss the him but the blonde leaned his head away, offering his neck as he kissed the really hot hazel eyed guy behind him.

Justin was on overload. His tongue and Brian's swirling together. His cock thrusting into the hot guy who was making small mewling sounds in the back of his throat. The feather light and then pinching nips of a hot mouth across his chest and belly. His ass burning and full, Brian moving inside him expertly. He came moments later, shooting hard. He would have fallen if Brian hadn't held him upright. Strong arms wrapped around his waist, Brian's hard chest to lean back on.

Justin pulled out, and Brian pushed into him again. Justin was on top of Olive skin now, His mouth finding neck, nipples, chest, to lick and suck as Brian fucked him harder. Justin was pushing his cock against the man under him. They rubbed themselves together until he felt him come. The sticky warm fluid making them slide against each other while Brian continued his assault until Justin felt himself about to come again.

"Close Brian."

"I'll get you there sonny-boy"

And that did it. Justin came again, his ass squeezing against Brian until he could hold back no longer and he came as well, feeling Justin's anal walls milking him. He groaned loudly as his head fell back.

Wet, sticky, naked, both Brian and Justin lay on the bed, kissing each other, and letting the other two move their mouths along their prone bodies.

"You're not supposed to be here 'til tomorrow."

"Yeah, but then I would have missed all this."

"Bullshit you missed me."

"Well, you apparently weren't missing me."

"Please, it took two of them to even come close to satisfying me, you can do it in five minutes without taking your clothes off."

Brian raised an eyebrow, "really?"

Justin let out a hiss as Gray eyes licked along his thigh and lathed his balls. "Mmmmmm really."

Brian smiled again, leaning over to kiss Justin deeply, allowing Olive skin to rim him.

The two of them lay, tangled in each other, murmuring to one another, while the other two men worked them back to full arousal.

"Want you inside me again." Justin whispered.

"With an audience?"

"Don't fucking care." Justin almost growled with need.

Brian took it upon himself to dismiss the tricks. "We're done now, you guys can go."

They looked at each other, and the couple intimately entwined on the bed and grabbed their clothes quickly.

When they were gone Brian lay fully on top of Justin, stroking the blonde bangs off of his sweaty forehead. "You are so fucking hot."

Justin smiled, "You are beautiful. Now fuck me."

"See what I mean about bossy bottoms?"

"Brian." It was almost a whine, as he wrapped his pale legs around Brian's waist, thrusting his erection against Brian's body. Please.

Brian needed to hear more, the kid had already come at least three times tonight, but he wanted to make him desperate again. He smiled and moved his mouth down Justin's body, blowing hot kisses against his chest, licking lightly at the head of his cock, sucking his balls, gently rolling one around on his tongue, and then the other. He felt Justin's breathing become more rapid. He felt his own desire increase.

He moved his body up again, rubbing their erections against each other, slowly, almost languidly, until Justin was beyond need.

"Now Brian, NOW!"

Brian smiled, and grabbed a condom, he pushed into Justin, folding him in half, watching his blue eyes turn darker, and glaze over with pleasure. He was on his knees now and he lifted Justin's body, his small feet hitting the headboard, his shoulders the only thing on the bed and he slammed into him, hard.

Justin's scream was probably heard throughout the entire hotel as he did it again.

Justin had wanted Brian, needed him, and now, all the blood was rushing to his head, his body felt like it was freefalling, it's only connection to the earth was Brian inside him, and then he pulled out and slammed back in, hard, hitting the sweet spot with agonizingly beautiful force. He cried out Brian's name, again and again and when he finally came, Brian was right behind him.

The two of them lay on the bed, drenched with sweat, and come. The room smelled like sex, and lust and them. And they slept like that, entangled both sleeping better in their naked wet and sticky condition than they had since Justin left for New York less than a week ago.

Chapter 36

After they woke up and showered Brian and Justin debated, room service or going out. They decided on room service and were half naked and breathless by the time the food arrived.

Brian pulled his jeans back up and let the guy in; Justin remained in bed, a sheet draped over him for privacy.

Once the guy left, Brian went back to what he was doing, but Justin had lost focus. He was reaching for a bagel.

"Brian, I'm hungry."

"Me too." Brian whispered as he licked at Justin's inner thigh.

Justin moaned, and Brian looked up to see him licking cream cheese off of his fingers. He rolled onto his back, pretending to pout. "I was doing some of my best work, and all you can think about is a bagel."

"You get mad at me when I don't eat."

"Yeah, but I get mad at you when you don't let me blow you too."

"But you can blow me later, by then the bagel will be cold."

Brian sighed, "Hand me an orange, I can't argue with logic like that on an empty stomach."

Justin tossed the fruit to him, and continued to eat while making sounds that drove Brian insane. When Justin finally finished Brian pounced on him, licking the small remnant of cream cheese off of the corner of the blonde's mouth.

"I missed you."

"Yeah, I noticed."

"Mmmmmm, that feels good."

"You still hungry?"

Justin shook his head, "Want you now."

Brian smiled and worked down Justin's neck, kissing each sensitive spot with studied patience.

"Brian, just fuck me."

"Oh, I will, but you're going to have to wait."

Justin lay his head back, feeling Brian's mouth move down his body, while his hands were running up and down his back, making his pale torso arch into Brian's mouth.

"Brian…"

"You're gonna have to wait." Brian repeated.

"You're punishing me because I wanted a bagel?"

"Is this punishment really sooo bad?" Brian asked as he nipped at a sensitive spot on Justin's inner thigh.

"It is when I want you inside me."

Brian moved even more slowly. "Open up for me Justin" he said quietly, as he pushed the pale thighs further apart. Justin followed Brian's directions, only to be disappointed when he felt the long lean body move further down on the bed. He moaned when Brian took his balls into his mouth, sucking and letting them fall out with a gentle scrape of his teeth. Justin hissed at the cool feeling against his wet sac, "Brian."

"Patience sunshine."

Justin was wet now, his cock dripping precum onto his stomach, his body spread open, his hips thrusting into nothing as Brian sat back on his haunches between Justin's knees, watching him writhe.

"I want you on your knees."

Justin scrambled into position, ready for Brian, more than ready, desperate. But Brian continued to move slowly, and was determined to have Justin a quivering mass of need. "Spread yourself open for me."

Justin wanted to protest; it was so… he dropped his face into the pillow as he moved his hands back to his ass, pulling his cheeks apart.

"God you're hot like this. Open and ready. You are such a little slut sometimes."

Justin moaned at the words. His face turned red at the image of himself so wantonly submissive.

"I want you to lube your ass for me." Brian said, and smiled as he watched Justin's hole pucker at the sound of his voice. Brian took a small dab of lube, removed one of Justin's hands from his ass and transferred it to the artist's fingers. "Do it."

Justin wanted to cry, but more than that he wanted Brian inside him. He moved his fingers, pushing them inside himself, riding his own hand, as he shoved a third finger inside. He almost forgot about Brian as he pumped back on his own hand until he heard Brian's harsh command. "Stop it."

He removed his hand quickly, and wiped his fingers off on the sheet.

"Open up again."

Justin did as he was told, Brian moved closer, and Justin readied himself but he wasn't going to get what he wanted quite yet.

He felt the hard lean body over his, he moved his hands, and Brian pulled them over his head, holding them both there, entwining their fingers. His hard cock was at the crack of Justin's ass, but he refused to push it any further. Eventually he slid it down, sheathed and slicked with some of the lube Justin had applied and pushed into Justin's balls. Justin moaned as he prodded lightly at them, and then slid his hard cock between Justin's legs, rubbing it up against Justin's equally hard shaft, simply sliding between his thighs.

Justin was whimpering now, he was trapped. The weight of Brian's body, and the enormity of his need held him down. He tried to angle himself, to move, to do anything that would result in being allowed to come but Brian stroked his cock slowly with his own. He'd do it a few times and then stop. Leaning in, whispering into Justin's ear.

"You want me to fuck you don't you? You want me to push into you hard, until I'm buried inside you, that's what you like right?"

Justin tried to answer but could only nod.

"You want to be my little boy toy? You want me to fuck you so hard and so fast you can't think, let you jerk yourself off while I'm pounding into you?"

"Please Brian, I need it, please."

Brian loved to hear Justin's husky pleadings, to hear his blatant desire. He loved how embarrassed Justin still got on occasion from his own need, his own actions.

"Are you my little boy slut?"

"Yes."

"What should I do with a little slut like you?"

"Fuck me."

"Like this?"

Brian pushed himself into Justin, and pulled completely back out quickly. "Do you want that again?"

"Yes, please."

"Tell me."

"I want you inside me, I want you to ride me."

Brian pushed in again, slowly this time. Justin moaned and whimpered, trying to control the pace, but Brian was running this show.

"Ready?"

"Yes, god, Brian, fuck, Brian, fuck…"

Brian began in earnest, moving slowly at first, teasingly slowly, and then finally speeding up the pace while Justin lost all coherent thought.

Justin felt Brian finally stop playing and tried to think to speak, but he could only feel. "Fuck me, Brian fuck, god, fuck, Brian, god, fuck, harder, fuck."

There were very few words left in his vocabulary.

When he was about to come he reached his hand down to stroke himself, he tried to do it slowly, hoping Brian wouldn't notice, was too far gone himself to care, but he heard the growl. "No."

He felt his hand swatted away, and the hand that was pinching at his nipples and stroking his back was now trapping his hand above his head again. "Come while I'm fucking you or don't come at all. Gonna fuck the come right out of you." Brian said, pounding harder, changing his angle so that he was hitting Justin's prostate on every stroke.

The high-pitched yelps of pleasure Justin was making drove Brian over the edge. He slammed into the boy hard and felt him shoot. Brian came at the same time, his body convulsing over Justin's. He released Justin's hand to stroke his belly. His strong fingers coming away wet with Justin's seed. He held it to Justin's face, and felt his pink tongue lap at it.

They stayed like that while their heart rates slowed and breathing returned to normal. Justin licking at Brian's fingers, taking them into his mouth and sucking them, Brian's body resting against Justin's. Justin still on his knees, his legs spread wide. Reluctantly Brian pulled out of him, taking off the condom and rolling onto his back.

Justin lay his body on top of Brian's. Pushing against his hard thighs with his own until Brian opened his legs a little and Justin fit himself between them, his head resting just below Brian's, a strong arm around his back, pulling him closer.

"That was amazing."

"You're fucking hot. Christ I can't get enough of you."

"I know." Justin smiled against Brian's chest.

"You're pretty sure of yourself."

"You're addicted to me."

Brian snorted. "Addicted?"

Justin looked up at him, "Yeah, I read all about it."

"Really?" Brian lay his head back ready to be regaled with one of Justin's little monologues. The kid got positively profound, or at least thought he did.

Justin moved up Brian's body a little, brushing the brown hair away from his sweaty forehead. "Yeah, when you fall in love with someone your brain lets out chemicals that are like a drug."

"So love is just an addiction?"

"Kind of. The effects last like 18 months. It's a breeder thing."

"Breeder thing?"

"Yeah, if you live in like caves or whatever, you knock some cave woman up, and feel all protective and possessive of her long enough so that everyone knows who the father is and she's safe like, through the pregnancy, and while the baby keeps her unable to protect herself. Then it wears off and they both move on."

"So love really is bullshit."

"No, but it's a chemical reaction and like a biological imperative, the thing is, once it wears off, sometimes there are other reasons to stay together."

"Like for the children?"

Justin pushed at Brian's shoulder "No, because you LIKE each other, and then you know, you can love them intellectually, not chemically."

"Hmmm."

"It explains why you try to break up with me once a year or so."

Brian looked up surprised now. "What the fuck does breeder love have to do with you and me?"

"Brian it's not just breeders who are affected by the chemicals. And then they wear off, and since you decided a long time ago that there's no such thing as love, once the addiction is over, you ignore the intellectual part and push me away."

"But you go."

"Yeah, apparently I'm not immune to the stupid chemical addiction either."

"But we're together now."

"Because, once the drug wears off we jones for it, and then you know, something happens, and we're back together, and the cycle continues."

"So, we're doomed to break up every year or so?"

"NO!"

"Ouch."

"Sorry, didn't mean to hit you so hard. But I'm telling you this so you can stop being so stupid about it."

"I'm stupid about it? You're the one who always leaves." Brian exhaled the smoke and handed the cigarette to Justin who took the opportunity to compose his thoughts a little further.

"Yeah, you're stupid about it. So was I, but I'm not gonna be stupid anymore."

"Me either."

"Promise?"

"Sure, but what you said means we SHOULD break up. kick the habit so that it feels so good when you come back to it."

"Fine, we'll take separate vacations every other year. Two weeks away from each other."

Brian put out his cigarette and wrapped his arms around Justin. "We can skip that part, I think I've lost my ability to become immune to you."

Justin settled against Brian's chest. "I hope so."

Three hours later they finally left the room. "I can't believe you bought tickets for a show."

"You said you wanted to see Wicked."

"You said you didn't."

"Yeah, and we always do what I want."

Justin stuck his tongue out at Brian. " We've got a few hours before the show starts, where are we going?'

"Well, I was thinking about checking out the new spring line at Barney's."

Justin smiled widely. "Did you call Alphonse?"

Brian smirked, "Maybe."

They spent the next several hours restocking their closets and picking out a few Christmas gifts for friends and family.

"I liked it."

"It was alright."

Justin smiled; Brian had liked the show too. And they had actually made it to the restaurant in time to honor their reservations, which, considering their activities in the theatre bathroom was quite a feat.

"You're not eating."

"Teaser show tomorrow."

Brian closed his eyes.

"Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad."

"Brian, you KNOW I can't eat this close to a show."

"You've only put on half of the weight the doctor wanted you to."

Justin sighed. "It's been such a good day."

"Yeah, why spoil it by making sure you're healthy."

Justin gritted his teeth, "I'm healthy. I'd tell you if I weren't."

"I guess you're right."

"So when does the cast come off?"

"Next week, by the time I come back here, I'll be cast free."

"That's good, I miss your hand."

"You're changing the subject."

"Yes, I am."

"Fine, new topic. I called the contractors; they're going to start the addition in March or April. They can't start now, too much snow, too many delays."

"And Lindsay's not arguing?"

"She'll argue more once I tell her, but you know… I don't see the need to hear about it all winter long. She's FINALLY stopped telling me to take the car back."

"I can't believe you bought her a car."

"She needed one, and this one is safe."

"Mmm hmmm, and what kind of car did you get?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Yes, I would."

"You'll see when you get home."

"I promise I'm coming home. What kind of car did you get?"

"I'll tell you, if you do something for me."

"What's that?"

"Fucking eat something."

"Wow, you nag a lot."

"Well, if I'm going to be accused of it anyway."

"Fine, look, mmmmmm, pasta."

"Astin Martin."

Justin almost choked. "What?"

"I bought an Astin Martin, it's blue, it has a back seat, and it's hot. Trust me, plenty of space to fuck."

"Brian, that's, I mean, um…. wow."

"It's a hot car."

"Well, it's better than the 'vette. And I liked the one you were looking at online."

"Yeah, I know. But you're not allowed to drive it. You're too used to your big orange box."

"I like my car."

The waiter came and asked if they wanted dessert. Brian looked over at Justin and noticed that his eyes were barely open. "No we'll just take the check."

"Ready to head to bed sunshine?"

Justin smiled. "I'm tired."

"I noticed."

"I'm sorry."

"What the fuck are you apologizing for?"

" I know you wanted to fuck me."

"Yeah well, you'll owe me one."

"Can I just deduct it from the 99 you owe me?"

"I owe you 99?"

"Yeah, from the nagging thing, with the accident."

"Oh right, okay so now I owe you 98?"

"I'll collect in the morning."

They were walking towards the hotel. "All 98?"

"Yeah, so you better get some sleep too."

They both laughed as Brian slung his arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer.

"Good thing I'm still an addict."

Justin was half asleep on the bed within minutes of entering the room.

"Where are your meds, I'll get them for you."

"In my suitcase."

Brian grumbled about little blonde twinks who don't unpack while he searched through the suitcase.

Too late Justin realized what he'd just done. He sat up quickly.

Brian pushed aside socks and underwear. He found the zippered compartment and opened it to remove the bottles; he dropped them quickly when he saw what else was in there.

Justin was about to get up, stop Brian from searching, get the pills himself when he saw Brian recoil from the suitcase. "Fuck."

"It's not what you think."

Brian sat on the bed, the offending item wrapped around his hand. "Since I have no idea what to think why don't you tell me what it is."

"It's just, you know, something I've kept, like a security blanket."

Brian closed his eyes and tried to fathom how a bloody silk scarf could bring any sense of security. "Security blanket." He looked at Justin.

"I've had it since…"

"Since you took it off of me."

Justin nodded.

"I looked for it the next day, it was gone."

"I took it."

"Why?"

"Because I knew you'd throw it out."

"But you wanted to keep it? A warm reminder of a wonderful evening?"

Justin moved closer to Brian, no longer tired. He rested his head on Brian's shoulder, leaning against him. "All that time I was in the hospital, I kept expecting you to come see me."

"But I didn't."

"I know, but I also knew what no one else seemed to understand. Hobbes hurt you too. Maybe as much as he hurt me."

"I didn't get hit with a bat."

"No, but…"

"But…?"

"You came to the prom, something very unlike you. You were… open, maybe even ready to accept my love for you, and then Hobbes. It changed you, or kept you from changing. It affected you."

"Doesn't explain why you have this." Brian held out the scarf, his face making his disgust for the object clear.

"When I found you again, you were so… broken."

"I was fine." Brian shrugged away from Justin, moving to the chair on the other side of the room."

"You're not allowed to use that word, and no you weren't. But then, when my mom asked you to take me, you were so…strong."

Brian was leaning back, drinking something from the mini-bar and smoking. He was staring at the ceiling, refusing to meet Justin's eyes.

"You were strong for me, but I knew you were still so broken. I didn't think you'd ever be able to love me, or let me love you after that. And then…" Justin took a deep breath, knowing Brian was confused, and probably a little angry at being called broken.

"And then Gus's birthday party. It all came flooding back. Your face at the dance. The way you held me. The way you kissed me. How amazing you looked. The panic in your face right before the bat hit."

He saw Brian flinch. "And then I saw the scarf. You never stopped loving me. It's how I knew we'd make it."

"It wasn't because I loved you."

Justin stared at Brian, confused and a little hurt.

"I didn't want to forget and let it happen again, let something I care about get destroyed. I wore it to remind myself what happens when you let yourself care."

"Bullshit."

Brian looked at Justin. "You don't believe me?"

"No."

He shrugged. "It was superstition. I didn't let go of the scarf the whole time you were in the ICU when we didn't know if you'd live or die. Then they said you were out of the woods. That you'd either wake up from the coma, or not, but that you wouldn't die tonight. They made me go home."

"They?"

"Michael, your mother, Debbie, Lindsay, everyone, told me to get some rest, sleep." Brian made a sound, half scoff half laugh. "Sleep. Like that was gonna happen. So I got back to the loft, and I laid down, and I tried but I couldn't let go of that fucking thing." He gestured toward the pooling silk on the bed.

"I couldn't let it go, if I did, something would happen. So I wore it, every day, to make sure nothing did."

"The same reason you came every night."

"I guess so. But it wasn't love, it was guilt."

"This wasn't your fault."

Brian nodded.

"You know, I've seen you nod at that statement a couple of hundred times over the years. Have you ever believed it?"

"Sure, not my fault, I can't control what Chris Hobbes did."

"And it wasn't because we danced together. He hated me because I jerked him off. I personified everything he was afraid he'd become."

Brian nodded again.

"And it had nothing to do with you."

Brian nodded.

"Say that it wasn't your fault."

"I just did."

"No, you nodded, accepting that I have a right to my own opinion. Tell me what you think happened."

"I felt old and sorry for myself because New York didn't want me, so I turned to the one thing I knew wanted me more than anything else in the world. I didn't give a flying fuck what was good for you, what the consequences might be. I wanted you, went to you, and you got hit in the head with a bat."

"You really think the whole world revolves around you."

Brian stared at the ceiling.

"Brian, you can't make this your fault. You came to me because I asked you to, and you wanted to make me happy. It made you happy too, and you didn't want to admit that part. You still don't sometimes. You say it was selfish. It's all I wanted. It's still all I want, for you to come to me at the end of the day. And you can tell me anything you want but this scarf is tangible proof that you didn't forget about me while I was in the hospital. That while every trick in the backrooms of Babylon and at the baths got to suck you, get fucked by you, they never got to see you, or be loved by you. That was just for me."

"That's a very verbal scarf."

"It has to be, it's got a very taciturn owner."

"It's not mine anymore, I don't want it."

"I'll get rid of it if you don't want it here. But I like to have it when you're not around, it reminds me of something important."

"How is it we've lived together and I've never seen it?"

"I have lots of secret hiding places."

"You can keep the scarf, but I don't want to see it."

"I don't really need it anymore. I know that you love me now."

"Then why is it here?"

"So I wouldn't forget. We do that. We forget."

"Keep the scarf, I don't want you to forget. But promise me that's what this is about. It's not some sick obsession with Hobbes or the bashing?"

"It's not. I've talked to Dr. Blackstone about that stuff, he says I'm very well adjusted considering."

"Yeah well, you're not running around with loaded guns anymore."

"That was a part of the healing process."

Brian sighed. "I'll never understand you."

"It's enough that you try."

Brian moved towards the bed, pulling Justin into an embrace.

"And Brian, promise me something?'

"What?"

"if I'm ever in the hospital again, you'll come and see me during visiting hours?"

Brian pulled Justin a little tighter. "Don't end up in the hospital again."

"But if I do?"

"Visiting hours, I promise."

"I'm not all that tired anymore."

"Really?"

Justin was removing Brian's shirt. They moved together slowly, almost languidly, neither in any hurry to reach the destination tonight was about the journey.

When Brian rolled over Justin quickly tossed the scarf off of the bed. He'd have to remember to get up early to pack it away again. He didn't want to get rid of it, but he understood why Brian might not have the same feelings about the silk accessory.

Chapter 37

He wanted to tell him to stop pacing. He wanted to tell him to stop biting his thumbnail and staring off into space. He wanted to tell him to eat something. He said nothing. It was the day of a show. All bets were off the day of a show, there was no point in even trying.

Justin sat down, bouncing his knee and flipping through channels, biting his nails. Five minutes later he was up and pacing again.

"Jesus Christ. You know it's gonna be fine, what's with the fidgeting?"

Justin looked up surprised, as if he'd forgotten Brian was in the room. "What?"

"C'mere."

Justin walked towards him. "What?"

Brian was sitting in the chair by the mini-bar. He pulled Justin down onto his lap. "Calm the fuck down." He whispered into his ear, licking at the spot behind it.

"Brian stop, I can't calm down. You know that."

He sighed, he did know that. He shook his head, pulling Justin a little tighter. "You're driving me, and yourself insane. Most importantly you're seriously driving me insane."

"Go out. Go shopping, go home, whatever."

"I'm not leaving."

"Then shut up, I'm allowed to be nervous."

"We've done this before, it's not so hard, it's not THE show… you'll be fine."

"I know, it's just…"

"What? What do you think's gonna happen?"

Justin leaned back against Brian. "I have no idea. It just won't be good."

"And what if it is?"

"Justin smiled. Even if it's good it'll be bad, cause then they're gonna ask me to do another show, and I'll have to create a bunch more paintings and…"

"So if it's bad, it's bad, and if it's good, that's bad too?"

"Yeah."

"Christ you're insane."

"I thought you liked that about me."

"I do, but you get so bratty when you're anxious."

"I'm not being a brat."

"Yeah you are, but it's okay. Let's go out. Kill some time."

Justin wrinkled his nose. "Can't I just stay here and pace some more?"

"Is that really what you want to do?"

"No I want to go home."

"Well, you're still here, at least for another week."

"At least? I'm leaving the minute the show's over."

Brian laughed, "You don't even want to come back to the hotel and get your stuff?"

"NO!"

"Okay, fine, we'll leave the moment the show's over next Saturday."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Justin closed his eyes, relaxing against Brian, cracking his knuckles. Brian ground his teeth against the sound but Justin was almost still except for the obsessive knuckle cracking. He'd take it. He took Justin's hand and massaged it to stop the sound, and calm him more. The two sat in silence just enjoying being close to one another.

Brian's hand idly roamed under Justin's shirt, stroking his stomach. Justin leaned his head back trying to lose himself in the feel of Brian. He knew he was trying to help him. It wasn't working. Five minutes later he bounded off of his lap.

"I'm going out. I'll be back in an hour."

"Want Company?"

"Not really…I just need to clear my head."

Brian shrugged. "See you soon."

He was opening his laptop when Justin looked back before closing the door behind him. Justin walked the streets quickly. It was cold. His hands were shoved deep into his jacket pockets, but his face was left bright red from the wind. He could see his breath in front of him. He wasn't really sure where he was going; he just needed to be out.

Twenty minutes later he was standing in front of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. He paid and entered. It was quiet. No school trips on Saturdays, no little kids running around. Just true art fans and tourists.

He walked reverently past some of the most famous pieces in the world. Each one made him feels worse. He was a fake, a failure. Why did he bother to paint, to try to create when there were people who could do this? He sat in front of one of his favorite pieces and stared turning his head, his hand sketching it invisibly against his jeans. This was art. The crap hanging in Ranston's gallery was hotel paintings made for people to hang over their sofa. He stood up and moved on; angry with himself for thinking he could become an artist. He should have gone to Dartmouth. Failing at business just means you made a mistake. Failing at being an artist means you're a no talent hack. That's what he'd have to accept. He had no talent.

He walked further into the exhibits. There was a new one, A HREF"http/ Van Gogh, /A the drawings.

He stood, rapt. He'd seen them in books before but here they were. He stepped closer, examining each one in detail…some of them were amazing but more importantly. Some of them sucked.

They were stiff and the scale was off. Sure the man had been insane, and also a great artist, but look, he was also sometimes a bit of a hack. This shouldn't make him feel better. He knew that. But it did. The lines were crooked. The colors didn't always work. Not everything the man did was phenomenal, or even good. Justin exhaled, his hand reached out to touch a particularly flawed example, and he pulled it back before alarms went off. He smiled.

He spent another hour in the exhibit and would have spent longer but his phone was buzzing.

"What?"

"Where the fuck are you?"

"At the Met."

"You went to the opera?"

"The museum dork."

"Oh, what are you doing there."

"Seeing what real art looks like."

Brian closed his eyes. He'd seen Justin do this before too. Drive himself nuts over the accomplishments and talent of artists. Convince himself he'd never make it. "You are a real artist."

"I know…did you know Van Gogh sucked sometimes?"

"I'm sure he did."

"I mean phenomenally. Christ Brian some of this shit isn't worth the paper he scribbled it on."

"And yet there it is, at the Met."

"There's hope for me yet."

"That's what I've always said."

"No it isn't."

"Yeah well I meant to."

"Shut up."

"Are you heading back?"

"Yeah I'm on my way now."

"Should I order something for dinner?"

"Don't start."

"Right, show day, wouldn't want to have strength for that."

"I have strength for lots of things."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah."

"Like what?"

"I'll tell you when I get back, not when I'm standing in a very reverberating lobby of a museum."

Brian snorted. "When did you get shy?"

"I'm not shy, I just have some respect for my surroundings."

"Whatever, I'll see you soon."

"K"

Brian hung up and logged on to the Met's site to see if he could find the exhibit Justin had been looking at. He had to admit to himself he was relieved. Justin had found a way to pull himself out of his bad mood and anxiety. He pushed down the ridiculous thought that Justin didn't need him anymore and concentrated on the fact that the kid was right, some of those drawings were for shit.

He couldn't really concentrate on anything once Justin returned to the room. His arms were too full of horny blonde.

Hours later they showered dressed and headed off for the show. Justin was still jumpy and nervous, but far less so than he'd been that afternoon. Brian thought he might actually be able to get him to eat something after the show.

Brian was wrong. After the show the best he could do was get Justin to drink something. And that wasn't what he was aiming for but Justin was in rare form. Angry. Apparently one of the very wealthy patrons had requested a version of a piece redone in a different color scheme to blend better with her office décor. Ranston only barely managed to steer Justin away from the woman before he said something brutally honest and painfully expensive to her. Justin hadn't stopped seething all night. White wine wasn't getting him where he needed to go. He searched Brian's pockets for a joint and disappeared for fifteen minutes. When he returned he was more mellow…but it didn't last long.

Finally they left. Justin was walking and ranting, his hands flying over his head as he continued his diatribe. He didn't even head to the elevator but straight to the bar when the got to the hotel. An hour later he was very very drunk, and loud, and still angry.

"Fucking Bitch!"

Other bar patrons turned their head. Brian just smirked; he wasn't going to stop Justin when he was on a roll. His anger seemed healthy. His pain management reasonable and hell, it's not like making a scene in a bar was new territory for either of them.

"She had no right to ask that." He commiserated once again.

"Goddamned motherfucking right she didn't. I fucking open my veins to create something brilliant and she wants it in something more sooooooooothing." He drew out the last word. "Fuck soothing. Fuck her, fuck everyone." Justin slammed back another shot.

"Why don't we head upstairs?"

"Fuck you."

Brian shrugged and gestured to the bartender to refill Justin's glass. "Sooooooooothing." Justin said again snorting. "Why the fuck would a painting called pain management #12 be done in sooooooooothing colors? What the fuck are sooooothing colors anyway? Who the fuck cares if that bitch is sooooooothed by my work. Soooooooth is a funny word. If you say it long enough it doesn't mean anything anymore. Soothe soothe soothe soothe soothe. See, meaningless."

"Mmmmmm hmmm."

"You know what would be soothing?'

"What?"

"If you fucked me."

"I can do that…you want to do it here, or should I take you upstairs first?"

Justin looked around the bar, seemingly considering his options. "I think we should go upstairs first." He glanced over at the bartender who was looking at them both appreciatively. "Wanna come?" he wiggled his eyebrows drunkenly at the guy. His eyes shot up and he glanced over at Brian who was obviously the more sober of the two. Brian just shook his head. Justin was too drunk, he wasn't even sure the kid was gonna make it upstairs; bringing someone else into the mix tonight was a bad idea. "Maybe tomorrow." he said as he signed the check and helped Justin down from the bar stool, taking most of his weight. He was staggering a little as Brian helped him to the elevator. The whole time they walked through the lobby he kept mumbling the word "soothing."

He was leaning against Brian's chest, mumbling it into the space between his pecks as his fingers fumbled drunkenly with the buttons on Brian's shirt. "Sooooooooothing." Brian leaned against the wall, his arms wrapped lightly around Justin, as much to offer comfort and support as to be ready to catch him if he passed out and fell.

"Fucking bitch wants to be soooothed. I'll show her soothing." Justin mumbled as his mouth followed his fingers and traced along the lines of Brian's pecks. Moving up a little and flicking at his nipples. Then biting hard.

"Hey!"

"What? Wasn't that soothing?"

Brian smirked and ran a hand through Justin's hair. He was sweaty. "Wow you're really worked up."

"I've been trying to do the same to you."

Justin leaned his entire body into Brian's. His sticky heat radiating off of him. "Christ sunshine, I think you're sick."

"What? I'm not sick, I'm just not soooothing."

"Mmmmmm hmmmm." Brian kissed Justin's forehead and then realized that he just didn't have the mommy gene, he had no way of knowing if that was, lots of alcohol and anger, or an infection. "You take anything tonight other than my joint?"

Justin shook his head. "Stop worrying and start soothing me." He pulled Brian's hand away from his face and moved it lower on his body.

They kissed, their hands roaming, until the subtle bing of the elevator announced their arrival at the top floor.

Brian was leaning against the door when Justin looked up at him. "Brian?"

His voice was suddenly not angry, or sultry. It was plaintive. And the red flush that his skin had taken on was now a sickly pallor. Brian opened the door quickly and steered him to the bathroom just in time.

The most soothing thing either of them experienced that night was cool washcloths, the feel off tile against a flushed face, and the promise that next time Brian would stop him on his ninth shot.

By morning they were both exhausted, and sore. A night on a tiled bathroom floor is rarely relaxing.

Brian filled the tub and roused Justin enough that he'd be able to keep his head up and now drown. They sat quietly. "I shouldn't drink on an empty stomach."

Brian nodded.

"I shouldn't drink shots of whiskey straight."

Brian nodded again.

"That woman was right, soothing colors are important."

Brian shook his head. "You had a right to be mad, and fuck, I'm not the one to tell you how to deal with anger, but yeah, last night was not one of your more stellar victories over emotion."

"She wanted me to change my work to match her house." Justin was getting mad again.

"Forget about her."

"She better not be at brunch today."

"Any idea who else will be there?"

"No, just some backers for some stuff 'influential art people" Justin rolled his eyes. "Deliver me from the pretentious small talk."

Brian laughed and they both went back to silence, each gathering their reserves for the brunch. Then they'd come back here and sleep and then… well Brian had to get back to KinnetiK tomorrow for a client meeting, and Justin had some major work to do for the show. But they were both attempting to think about anything else at the moment.

Showered and dressed Brian hailed a cab. Justin leaned against him once he'd given the driver the address. "Sorry about last night."

"You're not supposed to apologize."

"Yeah but I was a mess."

Brian shrugged, "you were pissed off, you got drunk. Did you learn your lesson?"

Justin grimaced. "Yeah, whiskey is NOT my drink, you'd think I'd know that by now, I'm much better with tequila or gin."

"I'll remind you of that."

"I won't listen."

"I know you won't"

When they finally reached their destination Justin plastered on his fake smile, and Brian affected a look of blank boredom and they were greeted by a short balding man with apparently more money than taste when it came to both wardrobe and home décor.

The brownstone was restored beautifully, but each curio, knick-knack and painting was… well…ugly. Justin tried to look interested as Daniel; their host gave him a tour of his most prized art pieces. He tried to look flattered that one of them was his. He wasn't, it made him want to run screaming from the room.

Brian caught the look in Justin's eye and brought him a mimosa.

Brian's interruption saved Justin from having to make yet another noncommittal comment on some ghastly thing the man was about to show him. His eyes showed his gratitude.

They moved on to the over decorated over stuffed living room done in a series of reds and browns that was making Justin's stomach roil. Introductions were made all around and the deep and important chitchat began.

Neither Brian nor Justin were paying much attention to anything being said. Mostly responding minimally when required and simply willing the hours to pass until they could leave.

Brian wasn't looking forward to leaving Justin, who had barely eaten in two days, and had seemed less than well the previous night. Justin simply wanted more alone time with Brian before he went back to Pittsburgh for the week. It didn't matter; this was part of the contractual obligation. This would put his name on the right lips. Put his work on the right walls. And that would get him to his ultimate goal. To become a hermit who never had to deal with people again. Right now he just wanted to lock himself in his studio and unlock it for Brian when he felt like it.

Brian leaned over and whispered in his ear. "You know, even after this show, you're still going to have to come out of the studio and deal with people."

Justin looked at him surprised. "How did you? I mean…"

Brian smirked. "I'll tell you later, but I always know when you just want to barricade yourself in there…you have a tell."

"I do?"

"Mmmmmm hmmm."

"What is it?"

"If I tell you, you'll know."

Justin sighed, "Can we leave yet?"

Brian was about to answer when someone entered and announced that brunch was served. They all filed into the dining room. Place cards had been set, and thus Brian and Justin were at opposite ends of the table on opposite sides. Conversation was impossible. Brian found himself sitting next to a woman with a small dog in her purse who could not seem to stop talking. She had a complaint about everything and he simply grimaced at the sound of her voice, which she took as agreement about the state of affairs of the customer service situation in the retail industry and forged on to other topics.

Justin was seated between Daniel, their host, who was apparently also a Broadway producer or financier or something and Franco his business partner. When they found out that he was the Justin Taylor who illustrated rage Franco almost squealed with delight. Apparently the two had been discussing the possibility of buying the rights from the studio and turning it into a Broadway musical.

Justin was bored.

"It could be one of the best plays we've ever done" Franco gushed.

"It has such potential, the love story between JT and Rage is so Poignant and Hot, and the plotlines so topical. I've talked to several high profile songwriters who would love to be attached to the project."

Justin was having L.A. flashbacks. Attaching people to a project, getting it off the ground, giving up what you wanted for what THEY wanted. Giving up what you wanted for something else you wanted. He tuned out of the conversation and then realized that they were waiting for a response from him.

"I'm sorry…what?"

"We said we'd love for you to be the art director, who but you could design the sets, you'd have full creative control of course."

Justin didn't even have to think about it. "Thanks, but I'm really not interested. I'm focusing on my art at the moment."

"But sweetie, this would be a wonderful resume builder and you'd get to live in New York and work on Broadway. It's every gay mans dream."

Justin smiled and shrugged. "I guess it's just not the right time. Hey, if you get the rights, I'll be happy to come see the show, you know, if it doesn't suck, give it my own personal endorsement but my time is already spoken for at the moment. And I'm not looking to move."

Brian caught the last parts of the conversation and filed it away to talk about later but then the man on his other side rescued him from the chatty woman, only to drag him into a diatribe about why Cuban cigars should be legal.

It felt like days but was only about two more hours before they could politely take their leave. Justin was asleep against Brian's shoulder almost before he closed the cab door. He didn't wake until they were back at the hotel.

"You okay?'

"F…yeah, I'm okay."

"Didn't get much sleep last night."

"Neither did you."

"Brian stretched stripping down to underwear. He rolled a joint and lay on his back on the bed. Justin joined him a moment later. "That was a pretty good offer they were making."

"Which one?"

"Art director of rage the musical."

"I'm working on my art, I don't want to be a Broadway musical art director."

"It's a great opportunity."

"So is the life I have now."

"You sure?"

"Are we actually going to have a 'you should leave to fulfill your dreams and aspirations' argument?"

Brian shrugged. "Those are pointless, you're like a fucking boomerang"

"Yeah, plus I figured out what my dreams and aspirations are."

Brian raised his eyebrows interested.

"I want to go to Paris in the spring, and Rome, I want to do Europe right, see the masters. I'd love for you to come, but if you can't take three months off I'll understand, but then I'm going to come back, to OUR house, and MY Brian, and MY life, and MY art, and live OUR life happily."

"That's what you want?"

"Yeah, I want to be an artist. Always have. Might do some more commercial stuff for money, but I can do that out of Pittsburgh just as easily as anywhere else."

Justin took another hit then handed the joint back to Brian and curled around his body, leaning his head against the man's shoulder. "Want to be with you. Want to wake up drooling on your shoulder. Want to have horrible fights with you and know you're not going anywhere, and that I'm not going anywhere, and that we're together, because we choose to be even though sometimes it's hard."

Brian leaned his head back. "Me too…except for the fights. Lets skip those."

Justin laughed. "Fine then just always agree with me."

"You're not allowed to use that word. And I can't always agree with you. You're so often wrong."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Brian, I'm not always wrong."

"I didn't say always, I said often."

"I'm not even often wrong."

"You're wrong more than I am."

"Pfft, hardly."

"This is stupid."

"These are the kind of fights I'm talking about."

"That counted as a fight?"

"Sure."

"Is it over?'

Justin shrugged. "Sure."

"Then lets have make up sex."

Justin flipped over, his body on top of Brian's "sure."

Chapter 38

"I want to go to the airport with you."

"No."

"Brian…"

"No, you're gonna sit around and mope for the rest of the day anyway, you're not going to do it in a cab heading back from the airport alone."

Justin stopped. He realized the logic there. It might be easier to say goodbye here. He just wanted as much time with Brian as he could get at the moment.

Brian hoped his argument had worked. Saying goodbye was one of his least favorite things to do, he wasn't sure he could take the cab ride. And then the entire flight knowing that Justin was sitting in the back of a cab trying not to cry. He watched Justin nod and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"I'll be back on Friday, less than a week, and then we're going home together. "This is our last goodbye."

Justin leaned his head against Brian's chest. "Promise?"

"Well, until you go to Europe in the spring, but I'll probably be able to get two months away, so yeah, for a while, this is our last goodbye."

"This sucks."

"Don't be famous."

"Shut up, I can't help it if I'm unbearably talented."

"No, you can't, and yes you are. Now I've got to go…I'll call you from the house."

"Call me from the airport. And then from the Pittsburgh Airport. And then from the house. And then from the office."

Brian laughed. "Justin, you'll be fine."

"Will you?"

"I'll be fine too."

"Does this mean we can use that word again?"

"No, I can use it in regard to you, but you're still not cleared for assessing your own level of fine."

"You're on a weird power trip with this."

"And you love me for it."

Justin stood on his toes his hands pulling Brian's head down and their lips meeting. "I love you.'

"I know."

Brian left and Justin closed the door behind him. He lay back on the bed, wearing just a pair of sweats. He had no plan on leaving the room again 'til tomorrow.

He tried not to cry but it didn't work. He cried and at some point dozed off. He woke up not feeling much better. Brian hadn't called but it had been less than an hour, he probably wasn't even at La Guardia yet. Justin opened the mini-fridge.

There were post-it notes all over the thing. The Whisky bottles were clearly marked "NOT FOR TWINK CONSUMPTION!"

Justin reached for a gin when he noticed the note by them "not for use when taking medications."

Smiling Justin thought maybe a bottle of water and an obscenely expensive Tobelerone might be what he needed. There was a note on the candy "not 'til you've eaten real food."

He was finding the notes less amusing now, there was a knock on the door.

Brian had apparently ordered room service at the front desk before leaving. There was fruit and bagels, a chicken salad sandwich, soda and juice.

Justin signed the tab, tipped the guy and put the sandwich in the mini-fridge, he had no desire to eat much, but if it meant he could have a gin or two, or even a tequila, he'd have a fucking bagel, maybe even some fruit.

He was chewing when his cell rang. "You at the airport?"

"All checked in, waiting for boarding…it's gonna be a vicious flight, I count three babies already."

"What did you take?'

"Nothing major, I'll be fine to drive by the time the plane lands… if the plane lands."

"Don't talk like that."

"I'm just…"

"Bugging me. Thanks for the food by the way."

"Figured you should eat something."

"You always think I should eat something."

"Well, between my always and your never, we seem to keep you from starving to death."

"The notes on the bottles were not necessary."

"I thought you might need a little reminder."

"And I don't need a note on my Tobelerone."

"You do if you saw it. You were gonna eat candy and drink gin for dinner." Brian tsk'd "That's not taking care of yourself Sunshine."

"You don't know everything."

"When are you going to accept that I do?"

"When you stop being wrong all the time."

"You really know how to make a guy miss you."

…………….

"Don't stick your tongue out at me."

"How do you know… never mind. Anyway, I'm eating…. Mmmmmm fruit and bagels and soda. Yum."

"I sent up a sandwich."

"I'll have that later. I'm gonna spend some quality time with the TV tonight I think."

"You need it, you and the TV need to bond."

"Shut up, I've been running around all week, I just want to relax. Tomorrow is going to be hell."

"What's particularly hellish about tomorrow?"

"Last I heard, Ranston's not dead, so I'm going to be dealing with him all day."

"They're calling my flight. I'll call you in an hour when I'm in Pittsburgh"

"Okay. Fly carefully."

"Funny."

Justin hung up, taking a third tequila bottle out of the mini-bar and downing it quickly. He then kept his promise and sat in front of the television catching up on all the crap he hadn't been missing, and glad that he had better things to do with his evenings that watch TV on a regular basis.

Brian did call from Pittsburgh airport, and they talked through most of his drive back to the house. When he got home they said their goodbyes. Justin took his meds, with water, and Brian sat in the den, drinking vodka, eating chocolate and hoping that Justin's recovery was as far along as it currently seemed to be.

Brian gritted his teeth through the meeting the next morning. The clients had requests that might seem reasonable to them, but as they didn't know jack shit about advertising, time lines, budgets or…well apparently anything, they were wrong. He held his tongue and smiled, using the patented Kinney charm to get through the meeting and make the necessary arrangements.

Justin was more frustrated than Brian. The small details of an art show were something he really didn't want to bother with. It wasn't as if Ranston was asking his opinion on catering menus or traffic flow, it was just the little tiny details of where to hang what, how high to hang them. How should a set be shown? Should the heights be staggered or uniform? Justin's head was pounding and it was only noon.

Tuesday was easier. Most of the major and minor decisions made, it was spent simply choosing a few auxiliary pieces as contingency plans (in case someone needed something taken off the wall immediately.) This almost never happened, but Ranston liked to be prepared.

Wednesday was spent looking at the pieces that probably weren't going to be in the show, and discussing when Justin might be able to make it back to New York for a weekend so that these works might be shown in a group display. Justin avoided the question. He knew he'd have to come back to New York, but he just wasn't up to thinking about it yet.

Brian got through the days on autopilot. He had dinner with Lindsay on Tuesday and on Wednesday night ate at the diner before heading home. Killing time without Justin around wasn't all that different than when the artist was obsessing in the studio.

They were both doing fine, they were both counting the days until Friday when Brian would be back in New York.

Wednesday night hit Justin hard. There wasn't a particular reason, and it didn't result in a full-fledged anxiety attack. He simply felt uneasy from the moment he opened the door to the suite.

He knew it was insane but he checked all the closets, behind the shower curtain, even under the bed. He tried to laugh at himself but the feeling wouldn't go away.

"Hey there."

"Hi."

"You done for the day?"

"Yeah."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm fine."

"You're not allowed to use that word, and you're shaking."

"No I'm not."

"Stop lying."

"It's nothing, I just feel…"

"What?"

"I don't know, nervous. Something's wrong."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't fucking know, if I knew, I'd do something about it."

"What do you think is wrong?"

"Someone's hiding in the room waiting to kill me?"

Brian laughed. "No they aren't"

"How do you know?"

"I just do."

"Why am I so fucked up?"

"Because you've been hanging around me too long."

"Maybe I should stop doing that."

"Maybe not."

"Yeah, maybe not."

"How was your day?"

"Boring."

"Did you have dinner with Lindz?"

"Ate at the diner."

"How's Deb?"

"Excited about the trip to New York."

"Maybe it's a bad idea to have everyone at the show."

"You think they're going to embarrass you?"

"No, I KNOW they're going to embarrass me, that's not the point. What if the show tanks? What if no one comes? What if nothing sells? It'll be humiliating. Can't we just tell everyone to stay home?"

"No."

"Brian?"

"Mmmmmm?"

"Are you really sure it's going to be okay, I mean, how do you really know?"

"Because even if it isn't okay, it'll be okay. Your work is amazing. If the people who come to the show can't see that, it's their loss. And either way, you're coming home with me, so who cares what they buy."

Justin tried to smile. "I care."

"I know you do. And just about everything you've shown has sold, why do you think this is gonna be any different?"

"Because my stuff looks good compared to the other crap Ranston hangs in the gallery. On it's own…it looks…"

"Perfect."

"Pfft, hardly"

"Well, except for that stupid painting of my knee."

"Yeah, no one wants that one, what if everything else I have is just a bad as the painting of your knee?"

"It isn't."

"You don't know everything."

"Pretend I do, it makes us both happy."

"Brian."

"Mmmmmm?"

"Feel like driving to New York for the night?"

"You're doing fine without me. You keep up this whining though and I'm gonna have to punish you when I do get to New York."

"Promise?"

"How 'bout I promise to punish you if you STOP whining."

"That might get me to stop."

"Something has to, you're getting worse than Michael."

"That's just mean."

"It's also true. You have talent and you know it, now breathe and relax, no one is coming to kill you."

"Okay."

"You eat today?"

"Grrr."

"That's not an answer."

"I had soup."

"Why don't you go out, burn off the excess energy, maybe it'll calm you down."

"I don't want to, I'm too tired to dance, and if I drink one more gin and tonic I'm gonna crash."

"One more, how many have you had?"

"Three."

"With your meds."

"It's 11:30, I took my meds."

"With gin."

"And tonic. Tonic is another word for medicine, so really I took my meds with meds."

Brian rolled his eyes and refused to be pulled into this ridiculous argument at the moment. "You need to sleep."

"Can't sleep."

"I'll stay here with you till you do."

"Why can't you really be here?"

"Because then KinnetiK would fold and we'd be broke and you like the house, I'd hate to lose it."

"You know we're going to have to talk about splitting the finances more equitably, it's insane that I make money on my art and you don't let me pay for stuff."

"It's insane that you want to."

"I just feel…"

"What?"

"Kept."

"Good, cause I'm keeping you."

"That's not what I meant."

"You want to pay some of the bills, go ahead, I'm not stopping you."

"They're mailed to your office and Ted writes the checks."

"Yes, but I'm not stopping you, I'm just making it inconvenient."

"Like anything in our lives is convenient."

"I don't know, lately, things have been pretty…"

"STOP!"

"What? Christ, what's with the yelling?"

"You'll jinx us. Don't say another word."

"Okay, I won't say a thing if you'll do something for me."

Justin sighed, "What?"

"I want to hear you come. Come for me Justin."

And he did, stroking himself, picturing Brian's hand's Brian's mouth, Brian's cock touching him in all the right places. He came, loudly. And when Brian heard his breath become even against the phone he waited another minute and then hung up. He knew Justin would be okay for the night. And tomorrow, he'd think of a new way to take the kids mind off of the upcoming event.

Thursday flew by in a blur for the both of them. Too much to do before Brian got there. Too many last minute decisions.

Brian had some planning and arranging of his own to do before he left. His plane was scheduled to depart at seven PM on Friday, he couldn't concentrate on work he was too nervous for Justin. Eventually, after reaming out most of the staff, Cynthia sent him home where he drank and packed.

By ten thirty on Friday night Brian was inside the suite in New York. By Ten Thirty one they were both naked.

"I've missed you"

"It's been five days."

"That's too many"

"You're whining again."

"Am I?"

Brian ran his hand down Justin's recently revealed thighs, "You are"

"I'm sorry"

Brian sighed.

"Sorry, I'm not allowed to, shit, I did it again. Christ. Some words just can't be removed from my vocabulary."

"Just. Stop. Talking." Brian said as he slid his body over Justin's until their eyes met. "Don't say another word."

"I won't, I just wanted to tell you that I missed you and…mmmmmm that feels really good. Ranston was such an asshole today, fluttering around worried about having the gallery closed tonight. I swear sometimes all I want to do is bury him behind the lake with Hunter."

Brian sighed and lifted himself off of Justin. He lay on his back and fished a joint out of the duffle bag beside the bed.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Letting you finish. We're obviously not getting anywhere until you get everything you have to say out."

Justin pouted a little. "No, I'm done now, I swear, I just…" he took a drag from the joint and held it, not finishing his sentence.

Brian took another deep inhale and was about to put it out when Justin exhaled and started talking again

"…Wanted to remind you that I've been working hard and I need to relax and that I've been thinking about you. I guess what I wanted was…"

Brian leaned in to kiss Justin, transferring the smoke from his own lungs to the blondes. Then he did it again. Justin was starting to felt he effects. He began kissing down Brian's chest. Nuzzling and nibbling, and chattering away at the same time.

Brian let it go for a while but almost five minutes later Justin had barely stopped for a breath, and was still going on about nothing in particular.

Brian sat up. "C'mere."

"What?"

"You said you wanted to be punished."

"Brian."

"And that's whining."

"I'm not whining I'm just."

"You're just shutting up."

He pulled Justin over his lap and smiled. He was breathing hard but he'd stopped talking. "You know, normally, I don't mind when you yammer, but your head is spinning."

Justin nodded "I know, I can't stop thinking, every time I try to focus on something I think of another…Ouch."

"You need to stop thinking." Brian swatted Justin's perfect pale ass cheeks again. "Now, are you going to cooperate and be a good boy?"

Justin remained silent this time, raising himself up on his knees, spreading them apart. Brian ran his hands over his back and ass appreciatively. "Good boy."

"I just…"

As Justin started to say something Brian began in earnest. His hand coming down hard against the sensitive flesh. Justin pushed his face further into the covers, moaning. His brain was starting to slow down.

Brian continued Justin's punishment in silence, letting the sound of his hand connecting with Justin's skin do the talking for him. He felt him leaking on his leg, and knew he was probably beyond words at this point but Brian didn't stop. He didn't even slow down. He took his little blonde past the point where he usually pulled him back. He needed Justin to relax, to concentrate on something other than the million reasons why he was terrified of tomorrow.

Justin was crying outright now, begging Brian to stop, but not using his safe word, or moving particularly forcefully away from Brian's non-stop assault on his thighs. Brian stopped for a moment, rubbing reddened skin and Justin arched up again, not truly ready for the punishment to stop.

Brian lubed his finger and pressed it into him. Justin moaned. He was lost.

Justin tried to remember what he had been so intent on telling Brian, something about Ranston and the gallery, and…he couldn't think. There was nothing but the amazing feel of strong hands, holding him in place, punishing his ass with hard sure strokes, between his thighs, on the delicate skin where his ass met his legs, directly on his round cheeks. Each time he tried to move the blows became harder and more accurate. He thought he might pass out if Brian didn't let him come soon. He was so hard, and each slap against his ass pushed him forward but not enough to give him the friction he needed.

He tried to lower his body but then the sensations stopped altogether and he arched his back before he even realized he was doing it, his legs spread, his ass up, offering itself. He wanted more.

When he felt Brian's fingers inside him he cried out. And as one hand worked itself into him, the other continued to rain blows upon his ass and thighs. He couldn't think, couldn't talk, could barely breathe.

When Brian's hand found it's way between his legs, massaging his balls, rubbing lightly against his hard cock he shot ropey spurts of come. He buried his head, embarrassed that all it had taken was a single touch at that point.

He relaxed a little, his breathing starting to return to normal, his body almost collapsing over Brian's lap. Then he heard Brian speak for the first time since he'd started. "We're not done yet."

"Brian."

His hand came down again…but it wasn't his hand. Justin turned his head sharply and saw the paddle out of the corner of his eye. It was black, and that was about all he could tell. The pain was different. Sharper, but less concentrated. It spread over his ass, and he could feel it throughout his body. He moaned and lifted himself back up on his knees a bit. "My very good little pain slut." Brian said, rubbing his hands through Justin's hair.

At that moment, it's all Justin wanted, to be here, letting Brian have him, hurt him, punish him, clear his mind of everything. He was a pain slut, he'd known that since he'd first gotten his nipple ring but this was new, and…thought left him again as a set of sharp blows from the paddle came quickly one after the other.

He gasped, and gave in to feeling and not thinking.

Brian watched him come, and start to relax, but the moment he stopped his ministrations with his hands Justin's body tensed back up, just a tiny bit, but enough that Brian knew he wasn't done yet. He pulled the paddle out. He'd never used anything but his hand on Justin before; he wasn't really big into props. If you couldn't get off with Justin in your bed you were doing something very wrong. But tonight wasn't about him getting off; it was about bringing Justin to a new place, someplace where Ranston, and the show, and what happens next didn't exist.

So he began with the paddle and was gratified to watch Justin pull back up, arching himself towards the blows. He let him get accustomed to the feel of the new toy, let him wrap his brain around it, but then he felt that tenseness again. He was back to thinking, to analyzing. He brought down several hard fast blows that pulled Justin out of wherever he was and pushed him where Brian wanted him…. over the edge.

He could see his red face, the tears streaming down, and knew that he was almost there. Brian doubled his efforts, keeping an unsteady rhythm with the paddle, driving Justin insane, not knowing what to expect next, or when next might be. He'd spend a full minute rubbing and caressing his hot red skin, only to start up again. Finally Brian pushed Justin against his legs, letting his leaking cock fall between his thighs. He continued with the paddle while Justin rutted into him and as Justin came Brian brought the paddle down again, square against his ass, he continued several more blows until the blonde was completely spent.

Brian threw the paddle to the side and slid out from beneath him. "I'm gonna fuck your hot little ass now."

Justin moaned. He could barely move. He felt Brian on top of him and as he buried himself deep inside he pushed back, feeling the heat of his own recent punishment burn against Brian's pelvis and thighs.

Brian wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him up 'til they were both on their knees. He licked and bit at Justin's neck while he continued to pump hard into the boy, feeling the heat and the desire as he thrust back at him.

Brian was sure Justin's mind was clear now, and his was close to empty. There was nothing at this moment but the two of them, their bodies, their need, their skin, their scent. And finally he came, moving his hand down to jerk off his little twink. They came together. Brian growled, pushing hard into Justin's spasming body. Justin whimpered, the glorious feeling almost too much after everything he'd just been through.

When they were finished Brian lay back down, and Justin practically collapsed onto his shoulder, his arm flung over his chest. He slept. Brian was asleep soon after. Both glad that tomorrow was their last day in New York.

Chapter 39

Justin woke first. His heart was racing. It was Saturday…THE Saturday. He closed his eyes against the swell of panic, focused on breathing normally. It didn't work. He was in the bathroom moments later vomiting. It's not as if he hadn't expected this. And with little in his stomach it was mostly just dry heaves. He stood up, feeling his head spin. He sat down quickly on the tile step that led to the Jacuzzi.

As soon as he sat on the hard surface he was reminded of the previous night. He smiled then. Brian had been amazing, had somehow known just what he needed. He moved over towards the mirror, his back to it, turning his head, trying to see the marks he was sure were there.

They were. His ass was still red, and a few purplish spot were on either cheek. He was admiring them when he heard Brian snort out a half laugh.

"Proud of yourself hmmmm?"

Justin blushed a little. "I just wanted to see…"

Brian stepped forward and wrapped pulled Justin close. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just woke up a little scared. Today's gonna be…"

"Today's going to be fine, and by this time tomorrow, you and I will be back in our bed, in our house living OUR life."

Justin leaned a little further into Brian. "I can't wait."

"I know you can't but we've got a lot to do before then."

"We do?"

"Well first, we have to fill the tub, and then, I think I'm going to have to fuck that incredibly hot red ass of yours at least twice. After that, we'll figure something out."

Justin was smiling again by the time Brian started running the bath.

They did exactly what Brian had listed on the agenda…and then some. When they finally emerged from the bathroom, both a little waterlogged and extremely sated, Justin could almost handle the thought of walking to the gallery and dealing with Ranston all afternoon.

He had several interviews scheduled with art critics from some very prominent papers and magazines. He wasn't sure what he was going to say.

"What if I get tongue tied."

"Never gonna happen."

"How do you know?"

"Because of all the things you're likely to lose… your keys, your wallet, your mind, I doubt you'll ever lose your astounding ability to babble endlessly."

Justin rolled his eyes. "I don't lose my keys that often."

"No, only every time you put them down in the house. You know Freud says that means you don't really want to leave the house."

"Yeah, it takes Freud to figure that one out." Justin said.

Brian was getting dressed; Justin was staring blankly at the closet. Brian glanced over and wondered what the kid was doing.

"You know, not that I'm against your being naked but you are going to wear something for your interviews right? I mean, sure, naked will prevent having to answer a lot of questions, but the photos might be embarrassing."

"Embarrassing?"

"Well, hot, but I'm the only one who gets to keep naked photos of you."

"You have naked photos of me?"

Brian shrugged. "You sketch when you see me sleeping…I grab a Polaroid."

"Brian!"

"What, I needed something to put in the frame on my desk."

Justin laughed, "You better at least keep them in your briefcase."

"Oh I do. And a few on a private file on my computer, although if I know Cyn, she's seen them."

"Brian! Tell me you're kidding."

"I'm kidding."

Justin tried to believe him. "What the fuck am I gonna wear?"

"The brown wool Dolce pants with the burgundy shirt, and your Prada boots."

Justin scrunched his face. "Too formal."

Brian was about to roll his eyes but then realized Justin was right, and there were going to be photos. He got serious and started flipping through Justin's clothes. They were all neatly hung in the closet because he'd hung them up the last time he was here. And they had the stuff they'd purchased last weekend at Barney's. There had to be SOMETHING.

"I can't believe you don't have this figured out already."

Justin shrugged, "I was probably in denial or something."

Brian shook his head. "Every time I think you're finally the best homosexual you can be, you go and do something like this."

"Nagging isn't going to help…just find me something to wear."

Brian pulled out a pair of dark boot cut jeans that he knew fit Justin perfectly…"No, not jeans."

"These." He pulled the dark brown leather pants and button down bias cut shirt with subtle diagonal striping in pale yellows and a deeper brown that picked up the brown in the pants and accentuated the golden blonde of his hair. The Prada boots were still the best bet.

Justin nodded. "Okay."

Brian tossed the clothes to him. "Get dressed."

When they were both finished dressing Brian considered asking Justin if he wanted to eat something but decided that the answer would just piss him off. Today, he'd let the kid starve, and tomorrow he'd force-feed him if he had to.

Justin was pacing the room. His hair was almost below his collar, and the shirt skimmed his body perfectly, showing off his lithe compact torso without accentuating how damn small he still was. He hadn't put back all of the weight he'd lost over the last nine months.

Brian thought he might look better than he'd ever seen him and fought back the urge to undress him. They didn't have time; he had to be at the gallery in less than an hour.

Sit down.

Justin sat, cracking his knuckles.

Brian handed him a bag, "This is for you."

"What?"

"It's a gift."

Brian I thought…

"I celebrate accomplishments. Today is an accomplishment."

Justin smiled and pulled the item from the bag, it was heavy. "You made Cynthia wrap this?"

"Fuck you I did it myself."

Justin looked up, "Really?"

"Yeah, and you're wrapping all the Christmas presents when we get home, because fuck that's a pain in the ass."

Justin nodded. "Fine."

"You're not allowed to use that word."

"Even in agreement."

Brian smiled. "Better safe than sorry."

Justin shot him a 'whatever' look and continued running his hand across the wrapping paper.

"You know, the gift is UNDER the paper. I didn't just buy you something shiny."

Justin looked up, a tear visible. "Sorry, It's just, I don't think you've ever actually given me like a real live present before."

Brian clenched his jaw, angry with himself. Justin shouldn't have to be so grateful for small kindnesses. "Yeah well, if it takes you this long to open one I may never do it again."

Justin started to pull the paper away. He turned the large heavy book over.

"It's got those Van Gogh sketches that suck in it. I figured you could benefit from having them around. That way you don't have to track down the exhibit every time you start thinking you're a hack."

Justin was crying now. "Brian thank you."

"It'll go in the library when it's finished."

"Library?"

"Yeah, you're right, the dungeon should be in the basement, right next to the gym, so when you get home you're gonna have to talk to Gregory so we can get started."

"You're really gonna let it be a library?"

"We're gonna have to buy more books though, cause with a two story bookcase and a librarians ladder, and a double sided desk, so we both have work space…it's gonna seem silly to only have the one."

Justin smiled wider. "We'll get more books."

"There's more to the present."

"There is?"

"Open it."

Justin did and found an envelope inside. He pulled out two airline tickets and looked up at Brian in wonder and a little confusion.

"I can't leave until late April, because of the carriage house renovations. And I really have to be back at KinnetiK and to help Lindsay with Gus once he's out of school. So my ticket is for two months. Yours is open ended."

Justin opened the paper folded in the envelope.

"Cyn booked the flights and helped with the itinerary. You'll get lots of time in Rome and Paris Madrid, Prague, Berlin, and London, and then once I head back, it's kind of less scheduled, you'll be able to go back and see anything you think you missed or whatever."

Justin was truly crying now.

"This gift has three conditions," Brian said, as he pulled Justin off the bed and held him, whispering into the top of his head.

"The first is that you're healthy before we leave. That means an actual doctors appointment." Justin nodded. "The second is that you understand that I will be off shopping while you spend twelve hours staring at a single painting." Justin smiled at that one. "And the third is that you promise that no matter how long you want to stay, and how in love with Europe you are, you'll come home."

Justin nodded adamantly at that one. "I promise I'll always come home."

Brian smiled. "Good, now go away."

"What?"

"You've got to get to the gallery, and I'm going to meet oh say, a million people at the airport.

"You're meeting them at the airport?"

"That was an exaggeration, I'm meeting them in the lobby, but either way, you have an interview to give."

Justin nodded. He had a gift for Brian as well but decided to save it until later.

Brian kissed the top of his head again. "I love you."

Justin inhaled deeply; it still affected him when Brian said it. He smiled, kissed Brian on the lips, grabbed his coat and bag and headed out. By tomorrow, he'd have lots of new things to worry about, but they'd be easy, because he'd be home, and Brian loved him.

Brian squared his shoulders once Justin left. Relieved that the morning had gone as smoothly as it had. He hadn't known what to expect but he'd expected the worst. Justin was holding it together admirably under the circumstances.

He rolled a joint and sat down, letting himself relax a little. Everyone should be there within the next couple of hours and he wasn't sure he was ready for the onslaught.

Justin wiped his tears with gloved hands as he walked towards the gallery. Brian could be so fucking thoughtful sometimes it pissed him off. And in the spring, they were going to see EVERYTHING. He was so excited he almost wasn't worried about the show.

Justin looked like a deer caught in headlights as he stood by one of his larger works and allowed the photographer to direct him a little.

This was his third interview and the third photographer and he still wasn't sure what they wanted him to say. They asked things about his inspiration, and his choice to work out of Pittsburgh rather than New York. They asked him about his daily routine and his work habits. What made him decide to be an artist in the first place? He answered honestly if not fully. Leaving Brian's name out of it.

He gave mostly vague and seemingly 'deep' answers when in fact, they were just bullshit to keep everything on the surface. "None of this." He thought to himself. "Is anyone's business by mine, and maybe Brian's. They don't need to know any of this to appreciate my work."

But he smiled, and remembered that if this went well, he could bury himself back in the studio, and rarely have to deal with people again. It was that thought, and the image of walking through Paris with Brian that kept him from snapping.

He could tell Ranston was pleased with his responses, and felt an annoying amount of relief at that.

One of them asked him to stand by the large display of six canvasses. He wanted to refuse. There was a part of him that wanted to pull them down off the wall. There had only originally been five, but he'd added a sixth a couple months ago and felt the set was finally up to date. It would never be complete, but he was very okay with that.

They asked him about the set.

"It's pieces of my life." Was all he would say about it. Anyone who knew him would recognize most of the pieces, anyone who didn't, well, they didn't matter.

One of the reporters had done more research than most. He was from Pittsburgh Living and knew more of Justin's story than others. "Did your work change much after the incident at your prom?"

Justin's mouth opened and then closed again. He hadn't been prepared for questions about the bashing but he had been news at the time, and this reporter had been in Pittsburgh so it made sense. He tried to collect his thoughts.

"It changed a lot. Not only because of the damage done to my motor skills, which meant I had to work in different mediums. But because it changed the way I saw the world. Something like that doesn't happen and leave you unaffected."

It was the best he could say at the moment, besides, it was no one's business. He was beginning to get resentful of the prying questions.

Luckily he only had a brief press conference with some less important publications left and then he could go hide in a corner.

He answered the multiple reporters' redundant questions and breathed a deep sigh when they finally left.

"You did well Mr. Taylor."

"Thanks, I'm going out for coffee."

Ranston nodded. He'd seen the press take its toll on artists before, and Justin had never actually struck him as the most stable of men in the first place. He was just relived that the tall guy…Brian, hadn't been around for this. He had a feeling a lot fewer questions would have been answered and a lot more reporters would have walked away slightly intimidated and writing more about Mr. Taylor's "bodyguard" than his art.

Debbie and Carl were impressed with the suite. "Shit, I haven't stayed anyplace this nice since they put me in that private room in the hospital when I had Michael."

Brian smiled. "I figured you and Carl could use a vacation, and some time alone, after living with Emmett."

Carl shrugged, "He's not so bad, you get used to him."

"HOLY SHIT!" Debbie's voice reverberated through the room "Carl, check out the size of this tub."

"And that's my cue to leave" Brian said. "See you at the show."

Carl was heading towards Debbie's voice when Brian closed the door.

He returned to his own suite to find Emmett and his new man waiting for him.

"Brian you should come out with us, we're going sight seeing."

Brian simply shook his head. You two have a good time, I'm looking forward to a couple of drinks and a couple of hours of not having a pacing blonde cracking his knuckles incessantly."

Emmett shrugged and walked away arm in arm with Finn. Apparently they'd been dating for several months now but Emmett had decided that his mistake in past relationships was to go public too soon.

His faulty logic was pointed out to him by Ted, Blake, Michael, Debbie, and anyone else who remembered Drew but he ignored them all and swore that his keeping Finn to himself for a while was the reason they'd lasted so long. He seemed happy so everyone simply accepted Finn. Mostly because he made Emmett happy and had an absolutely drool worthy Scottish brogue.

Brian was wrong about getting time alone without a pacing blonde in his room. he had just poured himself a double when he heard a knock at the door.

He barely got the door open before a miniature version of himself was hugging his knees. Lindsay smiled somewhat apologetically. "He wouldn't stop asking when he could see you."

Gus let go of Brian's leg and ran around the suite calling for Justin.

"Daddy, where's Jussin?"

"Justin's at work. You'll see him when you get home."

Lindsay smiled again. Brian I can't thank you enough for the flight, and the suite. I'm not sure how Gus would have fared a 5-hour drive. And it'll be fun to stay a couple of extra days and take him sight seeing."

He shrugged, sitting down and swallowing half of his drink in a single gulp. "Michael and Ben have JR?"

"Brian you know Mel's taking her for the week."

He finished his drink. Saying nothing.

"How's Justin holding up?"

"He seemed okay this morning, which probably means he's in a corner of the gallery crying at the moment."

Lindsay was pacing now. "The show will be fine I'm sure."

Brian nodded, wondering why she was pacing and fidgeting if she was so sure. He had convinced himself it would all be okay, but Lindsay was currently making it difficult for him continue his forced optimism.

"Would you sit the fuck down."

"Daddy mommy says you shouldn't say fuck."

Brian laughed, and Lindsay gasped. "Gus! I told you not to use that word."

"I was tellin' daddy not to use it."

"Daddy can use it if he wants, but he shouldn't say it in front of you." The last part of the statement was directed at Brian.

"Wow Lindz, you've got that mom glare down."

She took his glass and poured him another drink, finishing half of it herself before handing it back to him. "Justin's going to be fine."

"I know that."

Gus was spinning around in circles when Brian looked over at him. "This is new."

He stopped and tried to take a step, giggling uncontrollably when he fell down. The dresser was inches from his head and both Brian and Lindsay moved quickly before it registered that he hadn't actually made contact before he fell.

He tried to stand up again but Brian grabbed him before he could stumble into the furniture and actually do any damage.

"What the fu…what are you doing?"

"I was spinnin'"

Brian smiled a little. "why."

"'Cause spinnin's fun, me and Sam spin all the time."

"Don't do it in here, you'll get hurt."

"Wanna spin. Spin me daddy."

Brian did and Lindsay's heart melted a little. She had several regrets in her life, and she wasn't always thrilled with Brian's choices. But she'd never regretted choosing him as the father of her child.

His love for the boy was obvious. And his relationship with him had changed since they'd been living on the same grounds. She was beginning to feel that Brian might be right. An addition to the house would make life easier, and then she could stay, giving Gus a chance to grow up knowing his father.

This Brian Kinney, a somewhat different man from the one she'd had to get high in order to convince him to be the father in the first place. This was a dad worth knowing.

Brian was watching Gus's face as he spun the boy around, the look of delight in his eyes, the infectious sound of his giggling, mixed with four shots of whiskey made Brian feel something that on anyone else might have been described as giddy. Brian Kinney didn't do giddy, so instead he just called it glad to see his son happy.

When he finally collapsed on the chair, Gus on his lap still laughing, he promised himself that he'd do whatever it took to make sure Gus stayed this happy forever.

His mind wandered back to Justin, and as thoughts of what he'd been through in his relatively short life flashed, he hugged Gus a little tighter. Gus would never have to deal with anything like that. He made himself that promise even while Gus struggled out of Brian's arms to show his daddy how to spin right, and once again almost clocked himself on the head with an end table.

Lindsay caught him this time, and caught the look in Brian's eyes. He was worried about Justin. More worried than he'd admit. She wanted to say something that would assuage his fears but there was nothing to say.

"Gus, it's time for your nap. Say goodbye to Daddy, you'll see him at home next week."

"Bye daddy, say hi to Jussin' for me."

"Bye Gus."

"Thanks Lindz."

She smiled as she held Gus's hand and shut the door behind her.

Brian sat staring at nothing for a while. He wanted to call Justin and see how he was doing but thought he might still be in mid interview.

Justin was in fact doing okay. He was sketching ideas for the library. When he'd talked to Dr. Blackstone about his obsession with getting the house done, and how he wanted it to be perfect for Brian the man had laughed at him.

"You wanted it for yourself."

Justin had looked at him confused, shaking his head.

"Justin, you left home when you were 17 and haven't lived anywhere permanently since then. You've been in Brian's loft, and Debbie's house, and borrowed some couch space in New York, but except for a few months of a rented studio, that you admit never felt like home, you haven't had a place to call home that couldn't have been pulled away at any moment."

Justin thought about that a lot these days. The house was his. Brian had put it in both their names. But more than that he'd left his mark in every detail of renovation and decoration.

His sneakers were thrown under the sofa where Brian couldn't see them and complain, his artwork was on the walls, his tastes were reflected in almost every aspect of the place. Sometimes he didn't trust that it would be there when he got back.

The Dr. was right, he hadn't had a home in a long time. His mother had sold their home when his parents divorced. He'd never really lived in that town house. A couple days after the bashing, and that's it. It was never his. The loft was never anything but Brian's no matter how long he lived there, even after the Stockwell debacle Brian had redecorated and made it his again, not theirs. This was theirs. But somehow, more importantly, his, and so the library would be just the way he wanted it.

His mind traveled around these ideas in circles as he tried to ignore the fact that the show's start time was approaching all too quickly. He shook his hand out to loosen his fingers and went back to designing a double sided desk that would accommodate Brian's need for clean lines and his need for things not to look like they just got delivered from the loft.

Jennifer sighed. She had HOPED Ben and Michael wouldn't bring Hunter, but then had a feeling the boy would have shown up even if Brian hadn't bought him a ticket.

He would not take her polite hints that he should go back to his suite and check in with Ben, or Michael or both. He and Molly seemed more intent upon lounging across the sofa, and each other in her suite and doing a very bad job at hiding the fact that they really wished that she would leave.

She'd been almost as upset as Justin when she'd first found out about the two, but she'd learned her lesson after almost losing her son. And so she'd accepted Hunter into Molly's life. Trying to remain pleasant as he continued to be one of the most annoying boys she'd ever met. She'd never thought she'd wish Molly had found someone more like Justin's boyfriend.

She shook her head and popped back into the living room area for nothing in particular. It was her method of making sure they didn't forget where they were while they lost themselves in each other on the couch.

She wondered for a moment if this might be her fault. Perhaps if she had married someone less like Craig, her children wouldn't be drawn to these types of men. But she knew that wasn't it. She just didn't like Hunter.

She and Molly had appointments on Tuesday and Wednesday at NYU and Columbia respectively. Jennifer loved that Molly might stay close to home, but secretly thought that maybe the University of Arizona would be good for Hunter and Molly's relationship. Well not good for it, more a nail in the coffin of it, but that would be good for Jenn.

She sighed again and looked at her watch. She could legitimately kick Hunter out in another 45 minutes.

Michael and Ben were just glad Hunter was occupied. Molly was nice enough, and Michaels initial aggravation at yet another man in his life falling for a Taylor blonde had faded. What he was left with now was a large luxurious suite, Hunter gone for hours and Ben not having any papers to grade. Melanie had JR. Michael and Ben finally had some time to themselves. They used it well. Both realizing almost too late that Hunter would be back any minute and hurrying to shower before the show.

Blake was trying to convince Ted that the breeder who was watching Blue was excellent.

"If all goes well, the stud will have done his work by the time we get back to Pittsburgh."

Ted tried to nod and agree but he was worried about his baby.

Blake did what he could to take the mans mind off of things and eventually they found their way to the Jacuzzi in their bathroom.

Brian couldn't take it anymore he called Justin.

Justin heard Brian's ringtone, (love you madly by Cake), and picked up.

"Hey you."

"Hey, you in the middle of an interview?"

"Nope they're over, I'm sketching the library for Gregory."

Brian closed his eyes, relieved. Telling him about the library had been a good idea, giving him something else to focus on was the goal…it had worked.

"This is gonna cost me a fortune isn't it?"

"Nope, I'm paying for it."

"Like hell."

"It wasn't a question."

"It isn't a debate."

Justin sighed. "Brian, eventually, you're going to have to let me pay for something."

"Eventually I will."

"When is eventually… on your calendar?"

"I don't have my calendar with me."

Justin sighed. "Well at least I know what we'll be talking about on the flight home."

Brian laughed, "I wasn't planning on talking much."

"Yeah, you're usually to far gone to talk but hey, that's when I can get you to agree to lots of stuff."

"We'll see."

"I'm thinking of banning that phrase."

"I'm thinking of banning any more banning of phrases."

"Did everyone get there alright?"

"No hundred pieces of flaming anyone."

"Well that's good. Any chance you can, you know…keep them from coming to the show?"

"No."

"But you're gonna be here?"

"No."

"What?"

"Sorry, got tired of answering that question, thought I'd try a new answer."

"You're evil."

"I'm sweet."

"You know, I could be back at the hotel in fifteen minutes, we'd have time for a little actual fun before this clusterfuck begins."

"Clusterfucks can be fun."

"Not this kind."

"Maybe not for you. The rest of us are going to be highly amused."

"Amused?"

"You're kind of cute when you're nervous, aggravated and forced to schmooze."

"Only you would find that cute."

"Only you would be cute doing that."

"Exactly how drunk are you?"

"Barely drunk."

"Humph."

"I'll be there soon."

"And then we'll leave?"

"We're already packed, the plane leaves at two am, we'll be in our own bed by five."

"Pro…"

"If you ask me to promise I'm canceling the flight and we're staying in New York, with everyone, for three days."

"See you soon."

"Later."

The doors opened, and patrons began filing in. The people from the backers brunch were there, as were several members of the press who were either looking for additional bits to add to their stories about peoples reactions or those who had not been able to schedule an interview.

Justin felt like he was going to throw up, or pass out.

He saw Debbie before anyone else, but then again, she's hard to miss. And in her bright purple dress with hot pink accessories she was louder than any of the artwork.

"Sunshine!"

"Hey Deb."

"Look at you, New York's been good for you."

Justin grimaced. "I can't wait to get out of this city."

"I know honey but I'm fucking proud of you."

"So am I Justin."

Justin turned at the sound of his mother's voice. Hugging her. "Mom, I'm so glad you could come."

"Like I'd miss this."

"Like Brian would let any of us miss this."

Justin looked at Debbie, clearly confused.

"He paid for everyone's tickets and rooms, you knew that right?"

Justin shook his head. "I had no idea."

"Well that's Brian for ya." Ted said as he joined the group, "Never let it be said he doesn't go all out when he wants something."

"Yes, but the difference between you and me Theodore is that I actually GET what I want."

Ted turned his back to Brian, and wandered over to join Blake who was less familiar with Justin's work and fascinated by the pieces he was currently viewing.

Justin leaned back against Brian who had wrapped his arms around Justin's waist.

"Mr. Taylor, I have someone I'd like you to meet."

Ranston was pulling Justin away from Brian and reminding him again they needed to keep their distance during the show.

Brian laughed. "I'm not going to miss that guy."

They all chatted amicably about nothing and then separated to view the show itself.

He stood next to Lindsay who was studying a portrait of Brian holding Gus. "He really does look like you."

"Lucky for him."

"I'm glad Michael and Ben agreed to watch him for a little bit. I'll head back soon so they can come show their support."

"Don't hurry, you deserve a night out, even if it is a pretentious art opening."

"I wish Mel could have come. She wanted to but her cousin couldn't watch JR."

"Yes, you can see we're all missing her."

"Brian…"

"Hey, I didn't like her when you were married to her. You can't ask me to pretend to like her now."

"Can I ask you to be civil?"

"I get it, no yelling in front of the kids."

"Thank you."

He kissed her cheek. "Hang in there Lindz."

He walked off to see if he could steal a few moments with Justin before Ranston dragged him away again.

Justin saw Brian signal him with an almost undetectable motion. He smiled. It amused him that the skill Brian used for cruising men in more formal situations worked equally well when he needed to communicate with him.

They met in a quiet corner. "Everyone seems impressed."

Justin shrugged. "I think it's going okay. Some pieces have sold already."

"You're brilliant."

"Shut up."

Brian leaned in to kiss him and Justin backed away just a bit. He grabbed Brian's shirt and pulled him around another corner and then ducked behind a roped off area.

Brian followed.

"I um, wanted to give you something."

Brian raised his eyebrows.

"It's no big deal, just something I saw and well, I mean if don't want it, or want to or…"

"Justin."

The blonde looked up at him.

"What do you want to give me."

He handed Brian a box.

"We don't have to I just thought, you know… maybe on our right hands."

Brian opened the box to find two Titanium bands. They were not the one's they'd chosen for the wedding. These were bolder, black and silver, with a very subtle tension set stone. Brian wasn't sure what to say.

He'd considered bringing the ring issue up with Justin recently but had been a little hesitant. Okay, absolutely terrified that if they tried in any way change their agreement he'd lose him again.

He picked up the larger of the two bands.

"It's inscribed."

Brian squinted to see what it said. It was two words. "Don't forget."

Brian smiled and picked up the smaller band, it read simply "I'm staying." Brian picked up Justin's right hand, which was now shaking, and slid the ring onto his finger.

Justin took the larger one from Brian and did the same. "It doesn't change anything." He said, kissing Brian deeply.

"Okay."

"I have to go back there now."

"I know."

Justin left first, straightening his shoulders as he always did before facing the patrons of a show, but this time he didn't have to plaster a fake smile on his face. In fact he couldn't have stopped smiling if someone asked him to.

Brian looked at his hand, using his thumb to stroke the back of his ring. Somehow Justin's timing had improved, or maybe they'd just finally caught up with each other.

He headed back out to the show.

Brian was drawn to the painting he recognized immediately. It was the scarf. The other pieces were the same size, and each one was breathtaking…and for Brian, just a little bit frightening.

Justin stood next to him, and Brian resisted the urge to pull him into his arms. "These are all about me."

Justin shook his head. "These are all about us."

Brian looked at him

"Brian, look at them carefully."

He stood back, trying to take each one in.

The first was simple, he knew what it was, 10,000 fags in Pittsburgh knew what it was. Eight neon bars glowed softly from the canvas.

The second was a little less clear, until he stepped further back, not even bothering to apologize to whomever he'd bumped into. It was flashes of movement and color, textures and sparkle, and in the bottom right corner, something dark and solid, and then he realized what he was looking at. This was Justin's point of view of the prom, of their dance. This is what Justin saw over his shoulder as he held him in his arms and spun him around the dance floor. Brian finished his drink and grabbed another from a passing waiter before he said anything.

When he tried to speak though he wasn't sure what to say.

Justin was watching Brian. He ignored Ranston for the moment. He'd been dreading this. But now that the moment was here, he was hypnotized by Brian's eyes, which seemed to be changing color moment by moment.

"I didn't know you even remembered the dance."

"I did. I remembered all of it."

Brian nodded and took a step towards the third painting. "Scared the shit out of me when I saw this one in the studio."

"You've seen this one?"

"Not finished but yeah, that was the night you collapsed because you hadn't eaten or slept in two days."

Justin nodded. "I guess I forgot to lock the door. Brian it's…"

He nodded. "I know what it is now. I didn't know what it meant then, that's why I was so scared."

He moved on to the fourth. It was the loft, empty, but there was more to it than that. Brian moved forward, taking in every detail of the space that had once been so familiar to him. There was a broken violin where the rubber plant should be. Posters scattered the floor, Stockwell posters, but others as well, an ad for eye conics, in orange. He smiled.

"That was a rough year."

"For us both" Justin said.

The fifth one made Brian's fingers clench around the glass in his hand. Justin took the glass away before it shattered. Brian's fists remained clenched, his knuckles white.

It was a moment, trapped in time, ambulance and police lights flashing. A woman sitting on the ground, face covered in soot, EMT blanket wrapped around her. Just the edge of a gurney visible in the back of the ambulance, blood caught in mid drip about to hit the ground. Shadowy figures moving behind the scene, the dark smoke lightened only by the orange flash of fire. Haunted eyes and panic were visible on every face.

"Babylon."

Justin wanted to reach out and touch Brian, to remind him that they weren't there anymore. He hadn't died. In fact, it might be the day Brian's life had re-started. But he said nothing.

The sixth had been added later. Justin had planned on just the five when he started but he had felt the need to add the first sketch he'd done in the new house. It was the one he'd created while waiting for Brian to return to the house his first night back, he'd needed to see it in with these others.

Brian shook his head. Purple sheets, rumpled, the blanket pushed to the side, the mattress lying on the floor. Crumpled cigarette boxes scattered around a growing pile of laundry, a single pillow. No detail was missed. The empty scotch bottle. The overflowing ashtray. They were all memorialized. The room looked forlorn. The entire scene somehow conveyed loneliness.

"What the fuck?"

"Brian, it's us."

"I get it, it's moments in our life."

Justin shook his head. It's the moments I knew you loved me."

Brian turned to look at him then.

"Each of these, they're the little things, and the big, that proved that you loved me."

"You're not done. There will be more moments."

"I know…this set will never be done."

Brian did pull him close then, and Ranston could fuck off. He kissed Justin and felt him respond.

"I do you know. I've loved you, probably since that first night."

Justin smiled. "I know. I was just waiting for you to figure it out."

THE END.