Meanwhile, Hideki quit his work, to him it really wasn't worth losing Chi, and he didn't even know what she was doing.
"Damn, she's really gotten smart, she's learned so much, but she still has more to learn. If I had taught her to better understand things maybe she wouldn't feel so useless, it's my fault that she feels this way, I wish I could be there for her…all she wants is for me to be her 'one and only' but the truth is I'm not really worthy of her", he thought of all this as he wanted to vent his own dissatisfaction with himself, what he usually did was love Chi, Chi helped him to relax and nothing besides her could satiate his mind's unrest, but when he didn't have her he kept a dairy.
He started to flip through the pages nostalgically, he seen his good, and his bad, this was the best way he monitored himself. He often wrote badly in his dairy but as he flipped through the old pages a paper fell out, and on it a poem:
I love you Chi
You love me
I want to be with you forever
Never liked how things were
Til' I met you
Now things are forever anew
Never change, never leave
For it's my love and my love only you'll receive
He cried a bit as he read his poem he loved Chi more than anything in the world she was the only thing that validated his existence in this world. He was very tempted to call Minoru but he'd enlisted the aid of Minoru so many times that he was ashamed to ask. All he could do is write, write and think.
"Why do I always have to fail if only I could do more, if only I had Chi", after this ran through his mind awhile it drove him to the point of action, he had to leave so he begun to wonder, wonder looking for his love.