Pedagogy
by
Osiris-Ra
Ana Lucia watched the pair from afar. Must be wonderful, she thought, to have a baby. A lot of responsibility. Responsibility. She could hardly take care of herself, though so far she'd probably done a pretty good job. At least she wasn't dead yet. The blonde lady over there seemed to have everything under control. A bottle for her kid and a song to sing. People to help her out.
What kind of mother would I make, Ana wondered grudgingly. If I'd had a chance... maybe I wouldn't have been so bad. She looked back towards the ocean, from her sitting place on the rocks. Yeah, she reasoned, probably not so bad. She chuckled slightly. What would her shrink have said? Oh sure, he'd say yes, go ahead, knock yourself out, but inside he'd be one phone call away from Child Services. What did shrinks know? What cruel institution would certify someone in quackery? Sometimes she could see her baby. See his face quite clearly. Curly brown hair. Cute round face, youthful and energetic. A smiling little infant, smiling at her. Trusting her. Someone who actually put his trust in her. She wouldn't have let him down. She'd have protected him. Died for him. Killed for him.
The shots rang out again. That punk thug. She'd do it again if she had a chance. Pump him full of as much metal as he'd done her. Bastard.
"You waste a lot of time being angry."
She looked to her right. A young man sat, examining her knife curiously. Ana looked around. Where'd he come from? His gentle eyes met her incredulous stare. There was something familiar about them.
"You shouldn't be angry so much, mom. What's the use? It's over, isn't it?"
She looked down for a moment. This wasn't happening. She was going crazy. She got up to go, hoping the apparition would disappear.
"Hey, where're you going, mom? I wanna talk to you."
Ana wandered along the beach, wringing her hands in her pockets, trying to to appear inconspicuous to anyone who might be watching. She peeked over her shoulder. Was anyone watching? Could anyone see this besides her?
"Mom?"
He put a hand on her shoulder. A shiver went down her spine. That was too real.
"Mom, I know you miss me. I miss you too. But I don't want you to be like this. I want you to be happy. Can't you do that mom? For me?"
She bit hard. Looked at him over her shoulder.
"You're not really here."
"Do you care if I'm not really here?"
He pulled her around to face him. Looked her straight in the eye. She felt her eyes welling up. Wiped them away before they became apparant. He smiled and laughed a little.
"It's ok, mom. Don't worry. Everything's going to be fine. Listen to me. It's time you forget about what happened. I want you to look ahead to the future. It's going to be good for you, I know it.You're going to be more alive than you thought you could be."
Ana inhaled sharply.
" I can't."
"Try."
Ana looked down.
What am I supposed to do?
He put both hands on her shoulders and squeezed them encouragingly.
"You'll be ok, mom. Hey. You know I won't forget you. I will always be your baby, you know that."
He let his hands fall from her shoulders. Smiling still, he walked off, back towards the beach. Ana watched him go, wanting to say something to bring him back. But she knew he wouldn't come. He was just a pained figment of her imagination that would fade away.
And so he did.
Ana would have cried. She would have broken down right there on the beach, without caring who saw her. She inhaled deeply and looked towards the blonde woman, who sat, cradling her baby to sleep. Ana Lucia made her way towards them.
Claire looked up to see a woman approaching her. The woman had a stark glimmer of sadness in her eyes, anger about herself. Claire unconsciously moved away a bit. The woman came up to her and smiled half forcibly. Sheawkwardly stuffedher hands in her pockets.
"That your baby?"
Clair nodded.
"He's beautiful."
"Thanks. His names Aaron."
The woman smiled and nodded, looking on at the baby. Claire was still a bit wary of the woman. She was staring at Aaron just a bit too hard. Didn't seem exactly like a child-friendly person. Of course appearances could be misleading. The silence was getting quickly awkward. She didn't want to be rude...she offered tentatively:
"You want to hold him?"
Ana hesitated.
"Sure."
Ana sat. The women carefully exchanged the baby. Ana cradled the baby carefully. A half smile crept upon her face. The baby opened his eyes and looked at her, frowning a little. His hands made their way out of the blanket and balled up into little fists. One swung at her, hitting Ana on the nose.
"Aaron." Claire whispered reproachfully.
"He's going to be a strong little sucker, ain't he?" Ana grinned. Claire chuckled.
"I'd like to think so."
Ana smiled proudly at the baby and his fists.
"Yeah. Remember, thumb on the outside."
"I'm Claire."
Ana glanced at the woman. Another person who didn't know her enough to judge her. However long that would last.
"Ana Lucia."
"Do you have children?"
Claire asked hesitantly. Ana thought of the answer. Then said, more or less sure:
"Yeah, I did."