Title: Too Cool for School (Or Work)

Author: Shannon

Summary: Jack O'Neil had always been cool. What happened?

Spoilers: Beginning of Season 9

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

A/N: A Christmas present for Rinne. You all should go read her fic. :)

Too Cool for School (Or Work)

Stamp. Date. Sign. Put in pile.

Stamp. Date. Sign. Toss onto pile.

Stamp. Date. Sign. Hit head with paperwork, vaguely wonder where life went.

Jack leaned back in his chair, idly tapping the desk, and glanced around his office. It was big. And tastefully decorated. There was a mahogany desk and squishy comfortable leather seats. It had a large wide window through which he had a great view – he could see trees! Really, it was a great office – befitting, he supposed, a man in charge of one of the most important departments on Earth.

It even had bookshelves. Lots of them. And they actually had books in there. Which confused Jack a little, as he couldn't remember when he last had an office with bookshelves and no fishing rod.

Jack sighed and grabbed the computer mouse. Maybe a game of Minesweeper would cleanse his brain of paperwork.

He clicked through the program list to arrive at the game. He clicked again. Then again. And again. Then he started fervently hitting the mouse, tapping and tapping and tapping until he found he could tap no more.

And then, when the computer politely informed him that minesweeper.exe could not be found, his face dropped and his head fell into his hands.

From the evidence of the office and the missing game, he could only draw one conclusion.

They were trying to take away his coolness factor.

It wasn't until later, after his secretary had brought him blue jello, coffee and spoons wrapped in a napkin, and he had actually placed the napkin on his lap… It wasn't until then that he realised that they might have actually succeeded.

He buzzed his secretary to come into the office. Jennifer was a young woman, around twenty–three, and it always hurt his knees to realise he was almost old enough to be her grandfather.

She poked her head around the corner, then stepped a little inside. "What can I do for you, General?"

"Close the door."

She frowned a slightly, but did as he said.

"Now come closer to the desk."

Again she frowned, but moved towards the desk. She stared down at him, one foot nervously tapping the floor. He'd never done this before. Normally he just used the speaker phone or, more commonly, called out the door.

Jack laid one hand over the other, sighed and looked up at her.

"Do you think I'm cool?"

Jennifer gaped at him as her eyes dashed quickly from side to side as if searching for the right answer.

"Um… Yes. Sir. Very cool."

He sighed again and smiled at her. "Jennifer, sit down," he said, pointing at one of the chairs. "They're squishy and good for your backside."

She cocked an eyebrow at him then sat, letting out a little ahh of appreciation. "Nice chairs, General."

"Yes, they are." He nodded, then leaned over the desk towards her. "Jennifer. I want to know the truth. Am I cool?"

Eyes wide, smiling, she nodded. "Of course, General! You fought aliens! You saved the planet, you got us allies, you kicked butt! Of course you're cool!"

Mouth dropping open at the overdose of exclamation marks, he shook his head. "Nah, that's not what I meant. Obviously, I was cool. But am I still cool?"

She stared at him. "Honestly? You want the truth? I won't get fired?"

Jack nodded.

"Well… Sir… You've gotten kinda pudgy–"

His hand went to his belly.

"–and you're losing a tiny bit of hair."

The other hand grasped his head.

"You're sitting in an office that looks like it was designed in the fifties–"

"I hear that's coming back in."

"–and, well, you haven't replaced your sunglasses yet."

He glanced at the pair lying on the desk. They'd been with him for years – until they broke. And he couldn't find a good pair to suit his suave nature anywhere.

"But General…" she trailed off. He looked back at her and she stared earnestly wide-eyed at him.

"Yes?"

"You fought aliens for a living. You're in charge of one of the most secret departments in the world. And you wear good shoes. The other stuff can't just knock that over. So yes! You're still cool. But if you don't watch out…"

He blinked at her. "Thank you, Jennifer." He paused and took a deep breath. "Do you know how I can keep my coolness?"

She stood up and grinned, looking round the room. "Step one, redecorate this room. Step two, get new sunglasses. Step three, if you get me one of these chairs, you will definitely be the coolest boss around."

He grinned back at her. "I'll get you that chair."

"Thanks!" She waved at him before walking back out to her desk.

Jack pulled a clean piece of paper out of a drawer and smoothed it out on the desk. He pulled out a pen and started writing.

How to Be Cool When Not Fighting Aliens

Then he grinned and wrote the list.