Until the End of Time

Chapter Two -Numb

Slow. That is the speed of this place. Days drag on and on, all of them the same. I have lost track of the date, but what does it matter to me now? I am dead, why should I worry about such things? It's not as if that will make anything go faster. It almost makes me miss Silvertongue's world, almost.

Thinking. There seems nothing more to do. I ponder on and on over matters that I cannot change. Over things that are hopeless to dream about. As hopeless as they are, they are all that I have to hold onto. Little memories cling with me, its curious how the mind keeps such small details, but lets go of so many other things that you find yourself wishing to remember clearly. Such silly things seem to strike hope into my heart.

My heart. Is it right to keep calling it that? I have left my body, so is it correct to still call it my heart? My heart that ceases to beat inside myself? It seems easier to believe Farid's stories now. Particularly the one about nightmares. I find myself missing the familiar beat of it.

Messed up. Its all been messed with. I was supposed to have been killed by one of Capricorn's men, not this way, I read the words myself. Would it really have made a difference, though? Would I really feel more secure here if I had not been here on the same terms that I am here for now? I doubt it. I should get used to it, I would have to, even if I had gone that way.

Was it right? Again, I am not sure. My whole life seems to be an upside down dream as I look back at it now. Fenoglio must have had some fun, making all of this up. Yes, I still hold onto the bitterness that I feel for him, the damned writer. Does he see what he has done, the power of his own words?

Maybe not his words. I read my own fate and it has turned out differently. What of this was his idea? Did he plan this wretched place I find myself in now? The thought sends a chill through my spine. I have come accustomed to this feeling, it seems like I have it all the time now. That is the feeling of this place.

Numb. Yes, that describes it well. It's as though all your feelings are numbed. Even your mind. Almost like a drug, a slow drug. One that has no high to it, no appeal. Even the fading scar on my left arm seems dulled, dulled pain.

Panic, that is what I would have expected, but no, not even a bit of it. A cooling fear is more like it. It's slightly tiring. You start to forget your reasons for wanting to live in the first place, almost, but not quite. Just enough of the memory stays to laugh in your face. Laugh at how pathetic you are, how much you miss those people and places, they seem perfect now, compared to this.

I've taken it for granted. All of it. Even the years in that other world. At least Resa had been there.

Resa. I try to shake this thought from my head. I start to feel guilt for even thinking the name. I do not blame Meggie for disliking it when I talk of her. I find myself disliking it at times. However, Roxane is here. No, that is wrong to say. I am alone in this place, even if it is my own world.

Alone. Very alone. It pains me to be reminded of this yet again. The silence is deafening. I must hold back from screaming, screaming so loud that maybe, just maybe, someone could hear me. But of course no one would. I have the lurking suspicion that this has to do with the white women. How else would it be that I have not seen or heard anyone, but them?

Is it just that I am a special case? After all, I did not really die. I was taken from my own body, I had of course agreed to it. I knew where they would bring me, I had no idea it would be like this, though.

How much longer until the end of time?

Thanks for reading the second chapter. This one went pretty easly like the first chapter did, I felt a little ify about how I worded some things, though. I hope it turned out alright as I believe it did. My little prediction was right, not many reviews at all, but I'm not really too sad about it. If you are reading this through, please do review though.

I tried to show the feeling of it there. I percepted that it'd be a cold, numb, tired place. I hope I showed it throught this chapter.

Keep reading,

Maddycat2000