disclaimer: i own shit. shut the fuck up.
----------
Marik Finds Bobble-Heads
"Marik, I'm going out!"
The ridiculously spiky head of Marik Ishtar popped up from where he was watching ants die. It wasn't necessarily mere death considering that he himself had laced a mound of dirt with ant killer. The poor ants were ignorant to this and were slowly dieing as they made their way back to their anthill.
"Oh! I want to go!" He leapt up from his post and took off in the direction of his light's voice. He came upon him in the foyer of their and Ishizu's home. "Where are you going?"
Malik blinked at his over-excited dark. Marik excited was never a good thing. EVER. Well, except for the few times when he could actually remain sane for more than 5 seconds, which wasn't very often and therefore irrelevant. "I'm just going out with Jo..." He trailed off not really wanting to give any more information.
"Can I come", he asked, hands behind his back in an attempt at looking innocent.
Malik's brows furrowed as he considered the pros and cons of this situation. On the one hand Marik did have a knack for keeping himself amused. On the other hand it usually involved harming the innocent, poking the old, and generally terrorizing all that's in-between. It was decidedly safer to leave him home. For everyone.
"No, Marik, not this time." He gave him a weak smile as an apology. 'This is the best scenario so I'm not backing down this time.'
Marik pouted at his light, which was quite hard to do with a constantly insane gleam in his eye. Safe to say he couldn't pull it off and Malik didn't change his mind. In fact the sane (or more sane, rather) of the two turned and continued on his way towards the garage. The spiky haired boy was right at his heels, following him like a shadow and trying his best to make whining sounds that were steadily becoming more and more like his sadistic laughter.
Finally Malik faced his dark again, just as he'd opened the car door. "Look Marik, I promise to take you out another time, but I just can't this time." He looked at the almost hurt look on his other half's face. "Besides, you'd probably get bored pretty quickly," he explained feeling a bit guilty for being so forceful.
"I promise I won't get bored!" Marik exclaimed, sounding much like a 6 year old making the same guarantee to his mom.
Malik sighed. "That's what you say every time and then somehow someone ends up scarred for life or missing a testicle and when we come and ask you why you did what you did you say you were just bored. How do you expect me to trust you this time?"
The culprit was now trying to suppress a grin. He had such fond memories of those times before. The testicle thing really was an accident, but definitely one of his best to date. "I won't do that stuff this time!"
Malik rolled his eyes and got into the car, shutting the door. Marik put his face up to the window, his hands on either side, and tried his best to look as pitiful as possible. It wasn't much, but it was something. Inside the car, the younger of the two shook his head and started the engine. He waited for a few minutes letting the engine idol, before Marik removed himself from the car and went back inside looking dejected.
'I know he shouldn't be out with people but I feel so bad when I leave him home like this.' He sighed to himself then put the car into gear and backed out. Or at least he backed out as far as he could. Said person he had to leave home had positioned himself in the center of the driveway and was looking just as crazy as always if not more so. Malik rolled his eyes and honked the horn. They'd played this game before-- 'Let's see if Malik would really run me over'-- and they both knew he would if that last hospital visit had anything to say about it.
Despite this fact Marik didn't seem to be very eager to move. To say that he looked determined to stay there was an understatement. Then again he did have the one object that could get him anything he wanted. Yep, you guessed it, the Millennium Rod. Said rod was currently being waved in the air just in sight of the rearview mirror. Said rearview mirror could be seen by Malik. Said Malik paled.
'Dammit! How'd he find it this time!' He banged his head against the steering wheel. 'Ah hell. Now I can't leave him.' His head met the steering wheel one last time for good measure before he reached over and opened the passenger side door. "Get in you bastard," he shouted half-heartedly.
As a grinning Marik hopped in beside him, Malik felt the cruel tentacles of defeat move in to butt-rape him.
----------
Malik sighed for what seemed to be the 50th time that day as he wandered down the large mall isle. Jo was to his right looking less than comfortable for on his other side resided Marik. A crazy Marik. An oxymoronical statement but nonetheless true.
Jo jumped as he heard a crash behind him. His looked behind him to see that a middle-aged woman had dropped the majority of her packages. Then he looked to Marik. Finding the standard evil smile missing from the boy's face he relaxed a bit. It's not that he hated the spiky haired mental case, but after being strapped to a tablet for and hour and whipped by fire it was hard to be comfortable around him.
Malik too could sense this and was seriously debating whether to send Marik off by himself. True it could be dangerous for anyone and everyone around them, but if the crazed individual stayed with them it could be detrimental to his and Jo's relationship. Sure, Malik hadn't stolen Jo's soul but he hadn't been particularly nice to him either and he really wanted them to be friends. 'Well...what are the odds he can burn down a building twice...?' He looked at his dark and the way his eyes darted around locking on innocent children and the elderly. Then he looked at Jo and his nervous expression.
"Hey Marik dearest." Marik's eyes continued to scan the area around him but he grunted in acknowledgement. "You know me and Jo have some stuff we have to get done and I don't think you'd be to interested, so...", he took a breath. "Maybe you should go off and look by yourself."
Both of his companions stopped dead in their tracks, their faces displaying mutual disbelief. Marik recovered the fastest, stepping closer to his light. "Really?" Malik nodded. "Ra yes!" He grinned wildly down at his counterpart before wrapping him in a tight hug. "Thanks alot buddy!" With that Marik took off, skipping away to the left. Already several people had turned to stare at the merrily skipping teen. There just wasn't something quite right about him.
Malik watched Marik traipse off into the distance for a bit before turning to Jo. The sandy blonde was still in shock. "C'mon Jo, let's go get some coffee."
Jo's mouth worked. "But... you just...why?"
The tanned boy smiled at him. "Coffee, ne?"
"But he's dangerous and you just... I can't believe you-"
"How bout some fucking coffee!"
Jo shut his mouth and nodded dumbly. Even if Malik was the nicer of the two, he was still quite frightening.
----------
Meanwhile the master of mayhem was wandering about looking into various shop windows without a care in the world. Nothing had caught his eye quite yet. Sure there was the blind man that he lead into the fountain but that was normal stuff. He wanted to see or do something different. The arcade scared him and clothing stores were boring once he'd been thrown out for jumping out of clothes racks and scaring customers. He needed adventure and he needed it now!
And suddenly there it was. Or rather, there they were. 20 shiny plastic dolls with large wobbly looking heads sat next to one another just behind the novelty store window. To any standard passerby they were nothing but a cheap collectible reserved for office desk or dashboards, but to Marik they were potentially the recruits for his army. Yes, army. The powers of the shadow realm could do some amazing stuff.
The Egyptian boy approached the display window as if in a daze. His eyes were locked onto their bobbling heads and shiny, soulless eyes. They were a thing of beauty. Before he'd even realized his face was pressed up against the window watching each one of them carefully.
"They're perfect", he whispered to himself. He smirked to himself as they continued to bobble along. "With these I'll overrun this shopping wall with a chaos of my creation and all will become my slaves!" Maniacal laughter bubbled up as it always did when he began plotting. And as always he managed to scare away several children and their mothers.
He straightened up to his full height, facing his new recruits, and he glared down at them. "Now, my minions, I order you to stop your, um... bobbling! Too much bobbling will alert my light and others to our plans and that would ruin everything."
They continued to bobble on.
Marik blinked at them. "I understand your willingness to wreak havoc, but there is a time and a place for these things which is usually anytime, but now we must focus on secrecy! Espionage! Ninja stuff!"
They still bobbled.
The Egyptian growled at them a bit. "Can you not hear me you foul creatures! I come to offer you freedom from your confines and something to do yet you continue to disobey me!" He was shouting at the window, gesticulating wildly. "Do you wish for me to send all of your souls to the shadow realm?"
They kept bobbling as though mocking him.
He glared at them. "Then so be it!" He reached behind him, feeling along his lower back for the Rod and not finding it. 'Where did I... fuck...' The tanned psychopath should have realized that everything came with a price including his freedom for his dear light must have lifted the Rod from him in the duration of their impromptu hug. "Dammit."
What could he do now that his threat was baseless? He couldn't just let them continue to mock him as though they were the ones in control, but there wasn't much he could do to them short of killing them all and he still wanted his shadow army...
"You continue to defy me but not for long. I will wait here like a fierce cat waiting for you to tire of your bobbling! And when you do, I will be victorious and your bodies and souls shall be mine!" His pronouncement echoed through the halls scaring the few shoppers who still dared to go near the novelty shop.
Marik sank down to his knees directly in front of the window, then fully to the floor and he glared. He would win this fight, of that he was certain.
----------
Jo laughed as Malik finished up a story about how he died his sister's hair bright blue.
"She looked like a sun burnt harpy lady for weeks!" he exclaimed, chuckling. The day had turned out better than expected, the two deciding that talking over coffee for a bit was a good starting point. From there they'd stopped by the arcade where they'd battled each other on various platforms from fighting games to that one game that involves the dance pad. And now they were traveling along, trading various tales and licking down some ice cream.
"Man I wish I had an older sister," Jounochi said as he wiped a tear from his eye.
Malik grinned at him. "Yeah, they're pretty fun. But they can be a pain with them thinking they know everything."
Jo blinked at him. "But your sister does know everything."
"That's besides the point. She can be such a-" Malik was cut off as what appeared to be a large body swooped past him. "What the hell?"
Another body swooped down, this time hitting Jo square in the chest. The boy barely had time to scream before he was knocked to the ground. The blonde pushed at the heavy object all the while trying to get his breath back. Just as soon as he'd freed himself he let loose a bloodcurdling scream. Falling from the sky were mummies. Not the fake Halloween type, but real life straight from Egypt mummies. And they were all aimed at the tall sandy blonde who just happened to be deathly afraid of them.
Malik was frozen in a mixture of disbelief, shock, and general amusement. Sure it wasn't normal for wrapped up dead bodies to be raining down from the heavens but whoever came up with the idea had to be a genius! Just how many people knew Jo was deathly afraid of the dead?
The Egyptian boy continued to watch Jo spaz and scream as he tried his best to dodge the falling dead for just enough time to finish his ice cream before rushing in to save the boy. He leapt at the boy and pushed him out of the direct stream of bodies and into the wall. Though he'd saved the poor frightened boy, slamming him into the wall only served to knock out what little air the boy had left, so it was safe to say that Jo passed out.
It wasn't too long after his trip into unconsciousness that the mummy shower ceased. And it was mere seconds later that the tell tale sign of a helicopter could be heard lifting off the top of the mall. Suspicious.
"Well that was weird. Brilliant, but weird." Malik shook his head and tried to prop Jounochi up against the wall. "Now what the heck am I gonna do with you?" An image of the boy in a revealing dog costume and chained over a bed of spikes came to mind but he dismissed it. 'We're friends now and besides that's something Marik would do.'
It was at that moment that said dark could be heard screaming his head off on the floor above. Malik blinked. Could it be that his ever-maniacal dark was screaming in distress? He had to go check this out. He looked down at Jounochi for a moment before deciding he was safest there and ran off to find his dark. Who wouldn't be safe just feet from a pile of mummified remains?
Upstairs, Marik was a sight to behold. The once proud and very much crazy young man had curled himself up into the fetal position and was rocking back and forth screaming in the general direction of the novelty store window.
"Die you bastards! Die!" he sobbed.
Malik reached his dark just as he shouted this and he was overwhelmed by the hilarity of the situation. There his big bad dark was screaming in fear at a display of motor-powered bobble heads. The boy did the only thing he could do in this situation. He laughed. Long and hard.
Later Malik would have his own hair died blue for this incident but it was more than worth it. Jo was quite pissed after he came to and wasted no time in purchasing a tranquilizer gun and ammo. It's said he was spotted a few days later running away from the Kaiba mansion. And as for Marik, he learned that there are certain evils that surpass that of the shadow realm and thus dedicated himself to destroying all things with motors in them. Safe to say Malik isn't pleased.
----------
yay, this is finished! shitty, but finished! XD so i wanna know how everyone feels about the kaiba/jo pranks. they're my favorite parts.