disclaimer: i don't own this! merry happy christmahanakwanzukah to me! well, i do own 'Bakura Finds Antifreeze', but that doesn't really count...
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The Darks Find Mistletoe
"Yami, you can set that box down by the stairs!"
The mighty pharaoh did as he was told before stretching tall and letting out an explosive sigh. All day long he'd been helping his hikari decorate the house for some weird holiday. What was it called again? Chrizzle- no- Christmas! He didn't quite understand the meaning of this holiday but he'd come to understand that whatever it was involved a hell of a lot of heavy lifting. 'Not all of these boxes could possibly be filled with decorations!'
He stared down at the rather heavy package he'd just set down. 'Well he's going to open this eventually anyway, so a peek inside couldn't hurt.' Yami knelt down and immediately dug his fingers into the seam created by the two top flaps. He tugged at the box as best he could, finding it difficult to maintain a firm grip. The flaps were downright slippery! When he found that opening the box wouldn't be so simple, he backed off to regroup.
'Hn. It appears to be easy to open but it's as though an invisible force field sits between the two flaps. Hmm...' He fiddled with his ever-present neck buckle as he pondered. "Maybe if I use my shadow magic-"
"Oh no you don't Mr. Pharaoh!" Yugi scolded s he padded down the stairs.
"Did I say that aloud?" the dark asked nervously.
"You did and I'm glad you did or you'd be in a heck of a lot more trouble with me!" The smaller of the two bent down and quickly cut the box open with his house key. Yami gasped in surprise.
"How did you break past the force field?"
Yugi sighed and smiled up at his companion. "Do you remember the lesson I gave you on adhesives?" Yami nodded slowly, the memories returning. "Do you remember tape?" The pharaoh blinked once, then twice. Suddenly it dawned on him.
"Ah, I'm sorry aibou, it slipped my mind," Yami explained, pulling at his spiked hair in embarrassment. The shorter of the two reached up and patted his cheek.
"Don't worry about it. Just help me set this stuff up, okay?" He gave him one of his cute little smiles. Yami nodded vigorously finding verbal communication to be inadequate when faced with such an adorable image. "And remember, our friends are coming over to watch movies tonight."
"Huh?" he responded intelligently. "Which friends?"
"Oh, you know, Malik, Ryou, Jou..." Yami smiled. He liked those three very much despite the rumors he'd heard about Malik performing satanic rituals in his backyard. "... and Marik, Bakura, Kaiba..."
"Why them?"
"Because!" Yugi exclaimed as though the reason should have been obvious. "They're Malik and Ryou's darks! They have to come." The tiny boy was, unfortunately right, so Yami did the only thing he could in retaliation. He pouted.
Yugi crossed his arms at his dark's immaturity. "It won't be that bad and you know it!" Yami continued to pout but didn't disagree. After all if Marik or Bakura decided to be their normal selves he could send them both to the shadow realm for a few decades.
"Well you still haven't explained why Kaiba's coming."
Yugi blinked. "Hmm... Now that I think about it, why is Kaiba coming?" His dark shrugged in response. "I guess it's cause of Jou. I mean wherever Jou goes now Kaiba seems to appear." He thought for another moment or two before shrugging it off. He had more important things to tend to.
"C'mon Yami, you may not be much taller but I need all the help I can get."
----------
About 3 hours later, 6:15 to be exact, Ryou and Bakura were standing before the back door of the game shop. Both were wrapped up from head to toe in the warmest clothes possible, meaning Bakura was wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a pair of shorts while Ryou looked like he was trekking to the South Pole. In Ryou's arms a large chocolate and strawberry cake was nestled. This proved to be a problem for him since his dark was being less than helpful and wouldn't ring the doorbell.
"Please Kura! It's just ringing the doorbell!" the light pleaded.
"No," Bakura said, crossing his arms. "I don't see it helping me any."
Ryou sighed. His arms were becoming tired. "If you don't help me in, you won't get any cake."
"Why help you when I can just take the cake from you now?" The dark smirked.
"Kura!" Ryou whined. "Please?"
"No."
"But-"
"No. Do it yourself."
"I'll give you a present!"
"Ok." Bakura extended his middle finger and rang the doorbell several times in rapid succession. Ryou sighed again, in relief this time. His relief was short lived when he suddenly felt Bakura's warm breath next to his ear. "So, what do I get?" Ryou sighed yet again. Looks like he'd have to break out the antifreeze again. (1)
The door creaked open allowing Yugi's small head and pieces of his outrageous hair too peek out. He smiled when he saw who it was at the door and opened it wider to let them in. Ryou gladly climbed the steps and crossed the threshold going straight for the kitchen. Bakura was a deal more lacsadaisical and lagged behind. He was lagging so far he wasn't even making an effort to enter Yugi's home.
"You coming inside Bakura?" Yugi asked meekly.
"You gonna die anytime soon?" the dark spat back.
"Fine, fine. Come inside when you want to," the violet eyed boy began, "but you won't get any of Ryou's special cake..." He trailed off positive he'd caught the white haired boy's attention. Sure enough, Bakura blew past him and made a beeline for the kitchen. Yugi giggled and shut the door.
The purple-eyed boy made his way to the kitchen as well, wanting to check on the snacks he'd prepared for the evening. His progress was impeded by his dear white haired friend Ryou.
"Sorry," the pale boy apologized. Yugi just smiled at him and looked up. Ryou raised and eyebrow in confusion but followed the boy's gaze. There, perched on the entryway to the kitchen was a small clump of mistletoe. He looked back down at Yugi and smiled.
"Sure," he said before he bent down and kissed Yugi on the lips. The parted moments later and went on their way as though nothing had happened. And Bakura saw all of this.
'What the hell?'
----------
Around 6:34 the doorbell to the back of the Kame Game Shop rang again. This time Yugi was greeted with the nearly insane smiles of Malik and Marik. "Hey guys, come on in!" Marik wasted no time in scooting through the door. He smelt food. Malik shook his head at his dark's behavior.
"Hey Yugi."
"Hey, how's Marik?"
Malik opened his mouth to speak just as he heard a crash from the kitchen and the tale tell sound of his dark cursing in Egyptian. "In deep shit," he growled. Yugi stared after the boy as he stomped over to where Marik was most likely making trouble.
The keeper of the puzzle was just about to return to his hosting duties when a rather tall shadow fell over him. His spiked head snapped up to take in the ever-annoyed form of Kaiba. Nevertheless, Yugi beamed up at him and waved him inside.
"Hi Kaiba!"
"Hn," was the reply before the CEO stalked off towards the kitchen. 'What's with the kitchen today?' Yugi wondered. 'And what's with that bag Kaiba was carrying? He's usually not the type of guy to bring something to a party...' He shrugged before heading to the kitchen himself.
He was stopped at the door by a pissed looking Malik. "Scuse me Yugi," he said quickly, already moving away from the door before he could finish his sentence.
"Wait!" Yugi called after him. "Look for a sec." Malik turned his head to look for whatever it was the runt had asked him to. There above the kitchen doorway was a clump of mistletoe. He sighed.
"Alright. Come here." With that the two kissed then parted ways.
Meanwhile, a few minutes before the Malik/Yugi action, Bakura had been confiding in his dearest partner in crime, Marik.
"I swear, Ryou and the brat kissed! For no reason at all!"
"Sure, and I'm allowed to play with the stove."
"What? You're not? Loser." Bakura smirked.
"Shut up. At least I don't have to make up stuff just to express my fantasies about my light and his best friend."
The white haired dark growled and through a knife at his companion. "It's not a fantasy! They kissed and I saw it!" Marik gave him a disbelieving look. "Besides, I'd rather him make out with Malik than the runt." Marik smirked as he searched his crazy hair for the knife.
While reaching for said weapon, Marik's elbow bumped against a group of hanging pots. Said pots fell to the ground taking a glass bowl filled with kisses with them. To say that they made a bit of a ruckus is an understatement. The tanned boy didn't even flinch while he stood amongst the chaos. Safe to say he was used to it.
Malik burst into the kitchen moments later screaming his dark's name. This was something he could never get used to. A few minutes later found Marik sitting rather sheepishly in the corner, rubbing at a sore spot on the top of head. Bakura was laughing his ass off at his friends discomfort as per usual.
Malik was storming out of the kitchen when he bumped into Yugi. Marik's eyes widened as he saw the one thing he'd only dreamt about. Or maybe had nightmares about. It was hard to tell from the noises he made during such nighttime visions. Not to mention he was stark raving mad at any given moment.
Malik and Yugi kissed.
Bakura's eyes had widened as well, unbelieving of what he saw. It was one thing that the two pansy hikaris kissed, but Malik? Just what the hell was going on here?
----------
Finally, around 7 o'clock Jou showed up at the door, with Yugi answering as before.
"Jou!" he squealed and leapt into his friends arms.
The sandy blonde caught his friend in a hug. "Hey Yugi!" He let the boy down a few moments later, preferring to ruffle his hair instead. Yugi batted his hands away, smiling.
"Come on inside, everyone else is here already."
"Eh, sure." Jou paused at the door for a moment. "When you say everyone, what do ya mean exactly"
Yugi thought over what to tell his best friend. Now he could say that everyone included Kaiba as well as two crazy darks that had tried to kill Jou in the past, but something told him that wouldn't be a good idea. "You know. Everyone," he said as nonchalantly as possible.
"O...k..." Jou stepped inside and was the first out of the entire evening to take in all of the Christmas decorations. "Wow, nice decoratin' ya done." He looked around amazed that many of the decorations were higher up than normal. "Did ya get Yami to help this year?"
"Yeah and thanks." Yugi beamed up at him. "There's food in the kitchen if you want some. I should bring it out to the living room now that everyone's here."
"Dun worry bout it, I got it," and Jou was heading to the kitchen before Yugi could protest.
He shook his head. Jou was so nice to everyone, especially him. Quite suddenly the dark shadow from before returned to loom over him. Yugi whipped around to see Kaiba sneaking off into the hall. He gave the retreating form a weird look before making his way to the kitchen to help Jou.
----------
Meanwhile, Bakura and Marik had managed to drag Yami in to their hidey-hole to discuss the important matter of the evening: The hikari make-out scenes.
The hikari make-out scenes, as Marik so intelligently put it, were a bit disturbing to say the least. Not disturbing in the sense that it was disgusting to watch, but in the sense that none of the hikari's had ever been known to do such things. In fact it was so unbelievable, Yami had yet to have been won over.
"Look, I know neither of you have been too fond of Yugi in the past, but that doesn't mean you have to make up lies about him," Yami said, defending his light.
Bakura growled. "Stupid pharaoh! Why would I make up a lie about the runt and my hikari? I actually like my brat!"
Yami raised an eyebrow. "And you express that like by kicking him down the stairs?"
"You know that last time was an accident..."
"Uh-huh, just like the 4 times before that."
"I swear, I didn't-"
"Shut up you two!" Marik interjected. Bakura was about to make some snide remark before he noticed the Egyptian boy pointing at the doorway. There stood Jou, a tray of snacks in his arms, and Yugi in front of him. Jou looked up at the doorframe then back down and smiled. The shorter of the two stood up on his toes as Jou's head tilted down and their lips met.
There was a loud crash next to Marik and Bakura as the great and mighty pharaoh fainted.
"Marik! Ra dammit you better not be fucking up again!"
----------
It was well into the party/movie night before Yami could look at his hikari without blushing. Since when did Yugi become so hookery he'd pondered to himself. It just didn't make any sense. His light was in the living room laughing it up with his friends as though he were immune to the fact that he'd kissed them all that evening.
"It's alright pharaoh," Marik said consolingly, as he placed a potentially comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Yeah, it's okay," Bakura chimed in, patting the pharaoh's other shoulder. "The innocent ones are always sluts in the end." Yami whipped around giving them and incredulous look as they nodded solemnly.
"You can't stop change Yami," Marik said almost sounding wise. And sane. But just almost.
The pharaoh glared at the both of them. "What the hell are you saying? Your hikaris kissed back!"
"Look Pharaoh, just because your light's a cheap whore doesn't mean ours are," Bakura explained, as though he was an expert on this subject. Marik nodded along.
Yami grabbed at his multi-colored hair. "You two idiots don't get it! I think something's wrong with all of them! Jou, Yugi, Ryou, Malik-- All of them!" Suddenly the two hands on his shoulders tightened.
"Hey I'm okay with your light being a whore," Marik began. "Hell I don't give a fuck if you call my light a whore cause he probably is." Bakura nodded in agreement at that statement. "But nobody-"
"And he means nobody-"
"-Calls me an idiot!" Marik glared daggers at the pharaoh only to find that his attention was focused on something else. "Hey you bastard royal, pay attention when I'm threatening you!"
"Shh!" was all Yami said. There at the doorway to the kitchen stood Jou and Ryou and they were... Well, you know. Kissing.
Bakura's eyes widened. Ryou and the dog kid! Marik and Yami's eyes were wide with shock as well. When the two parted the darks eyes turned to each other. They stared at one another for a while in silence, letting what just happened sink in.
Yami was the first to speak. "So what was that about my light being a whore?" he asked smirking. The other two darks looked away but said nothing. "Never mind all that, what are we going to do about this? Why is that they're doing this?"
They all sat in silence, each trying to come up with a reasonable answer. "I know!" Marik exclaimed. "They're being controlled by that my little pony guy!" Bakura snorted. "His name is Pegasus for one thing, and for another thing I stripped him of his shadow powers and took his Ra forsaken eye." (2)
"Well, do we have any clues," Yami asked. Marik and Bakura shook their heads indicating that they hadn't the slightest idea what could be making their lights, and Jou, do this. The pharaoh stood up from where he'd been sitting on the floor and headed over to examine the door. He felt along the sides of the doorframe for any trace of something out of the ordinary. It wasn't until he reached the top of the frame that he found his culprit.
"Hey, idiots! I think I found something."
Said idiots ignored the derogatory name for once, and scooted over to where the pharaoh was pointing at an odd looking clump of plant life.
"The fuck is it?" Bakura so elegantly questioned.
"I'm not sure," Yami started, "but whatever it is it must be mighty powerful to control their bodies like that." They nodded in solemn unison.
----------
"Man, that Steven Chou is a bloody genius," Malik said as he stretched his arms back and over his head. "I laugh at the knife part every time!"
Yugi, Jou, and Ryou nodded in agreement. "And don't you just love the gay tailor?" Ryou asked. More nods of agreement mixed in with chuckles in remembrance. (3)
"I think Kura would have loved to have watched, but for some reason he won't leave the kitchen." Ryou's eyes turned downcast, genuine worry present from his form.
"Yeah. Marik's been in there too and he loves comedic violence." Malik too was beginning to look concerned.
Yugi cocked his head to the side. "Come to think of it guys, all of our darks have been holed up in the kitchen this whole time." Looks of comprehension appeared on their faces for any time their darks got along swimmingly usually meant trouble of some sort. Or they were playing with the microwave again, but that tended to include explosions and the smell of melting plastic and neither signs of destruction were present.
"Well we know where they are," Ryou tapped his chin, thinking. "But where's Kaiba been this whole time?" Jou shrugged at his friends indicating he had no clue, though it was obvious from his lack of eye contact that he had some inkling. "Well," Ryou continued, "We'd better go and knock some sense into our darks before the house catches on fire. Again."
Ryou, Yugi, and Malik all stood and made their way towards the kitchen leaving Jou behind. He took a quick look around, making sure no one was left to hear him, and he chuckled to himself. He couldn't wait to see the look on Kaiba's face when he escaped the upstairs bathroom, though by then it could very well be the next day.
Jou nestled himself back into the puffy living room couch. "I love this couch," he said to himself. "It's so comfy I could sleep here all the time." He cuddled deeper into the cushions. "Hell, I could die here!" He threw his arms and legs out so he was sprawled all over the piece of furniture. He sighed deeply, comfortable beyond all comprehension. "It's better then sleeping on the floor at home, that's for sure. No hardwood floor, no broken beer bottles, no father kicking me while I sleep-"
Jou's monologue was cut short when he heard a crash from the other side of the room. He sat up and whipped around to see what could have fallen but found nothing. Everything seemed to be in place from the lamps, to the entertainment center, to the conveniently placed tube of Chap Stick.
"Hm," Jou thought aloud, "doesn't seem like anything's wrong. Everythin's in place all the way down to that conveniently placed tube of chap stick." He scratched his head before getting up off the couch and heading over to a small table that refreshment had been set upon. He dug into the bowl of caramel corn and took out a large handful. As he popped kernel after kernel into his waiting mouth, his eyes drifted over to the Chap Stick.
Sure, Chap Stick isn't anything special, but it was just sitting there-- all alone-- just waiting for some chapped soul to pick it up and use it. Jou could here it crying from across the room. 'Please! I want to make your lips moist and kissable!' He shook his head. He was not going to pick up a stray tube of Chap Stick. There was no way. He didn't know where it'd been! For all he knew it could have been dumped in the toilet or something.
'I want to shield you away from the pain your lips cracking from dehydration!'
No. He wasn't going to pick up mystery chap stick. No way, no how.
'Moist lips...'
"Well my lips are kinda dry... Wait-- no!"
'Kissable lips...'
"I'm not gonna do it dammit!"
'I'm cherry flavored too.'
Indeed the Chap Stick label proclaimed cherry flavored moisturized goodness inside. Jou scooted over to where the Chap Stick stood. "Well... maybe I could use a little chap stick..."
----------
When the three hikari's entered the kitchen they were surprised to find it mostly in one piece. That was a first considering who'd taken up residence there. In fact Yami and Bakura were huddled together in the corner whispering to each other. How pleasant that they were finally getting along. Pleasantly creepy.
Both Yugi and Ryou were a bit apprehensive about approaching their other halves. The fact that neither of them was dead or banished to the shadow realm made them very uncomfortable. Relieved but uncomfortable.
"Uh, Yami-kun?" Yugi called out not willing to venture too far into the room. All whispering from the corner ceased. That didn't feel like a good sign. "Yami, uh, what are you doing in the kitchen?" he asked nervously.
"And why with Kura?" Ryou chimed in.
The darks looked at each other, then at the three boys standing in the doorway. Bakura nudged the pharaoh in the side. "You think it worked?"
"I don't know. They're not making out."
Malik, Ryou, and Yugi exchanged awkward looks. Just what the hell were they talking about?
"Well, go and check!" Bakura barked, shoving the pharaoh.
"What? Why me?"
"You're the almighty fucking ruler of Egypt, so you should do it!"
"That was thousands of years ago! I am not qualified to do such things!" He shoved back.
"Then what good are you, you pointy haired bastard!" The white haired yami shoved him again.
"A lot more good then you that's for damn sure!" The pharaoh shoved back.
"Pansy ass!" Shove.
"Dumb ass!" Shove.
"Prick face!" Shove.
"Lolita Killer!" Shove. (4)
"Loli-what?"
"That's a good question Bakura. Just where did you hear that Yami?" Yugi was very suddenly standing above the two darks looking rather annoyed. "You know I don't like it when you fight with Bakura or Marik. I just can't see why you can't be the bigger man in situations like these!"
"I'm sorry aibou, but-"
"No buts! You should know better!"
"But-"
"What did I just say"
"That he was the bigger man, though he obviously isn't cause Ryou told me tha-" Bakura was cut off by Ryou giving him a sharp smack to the head.
"Kura!"
"Well, you were the one who told me he wasn't anything to look at-"
Another smack. "Shut up!" And he did for all of 5 seconds. Then he realized he was the stronger of the two and stood up.
"I'll shut up when you fall onto a knife and die," he said smirking evilly. Ryou knew that smirk. It was the smirk that told him he'd be 'accidentally' slipping in the shower tonight and that was never fun.
"But Kura, if I'm not here, who's going to make you a cake when you get home?", the pale boy asked as he slowly backed away from his other half.
"That reminds me," his smirk turned into a frown. "I came to this fucking party for some damned cake, and I still haven't gotten any." He did his best to pout innocently, but failed when he said, "Guess you'll have to pay for that, won't you?"
The scene in the kitchen wasn't particularly something to smile at considering in one corner Yugi was giving Yami the scolding of his lifetime(which had to be pretty damned bad) and in the other corner Bakura was a few seconds away from attacking Ryo. So, of course, Malik found the whole situation vaguely amusing.
He was chuckling at the various terms of endearment Yami was using to get himself out of trouble when he heard Marik come up behind him. Yes, heard, for if it weren't for a keen sense of hearing Malik would've been attacked from behind many a time in his own home. Acute senses were must haves in the Ishtar household.
Malik turned from the rather amusing scene before him and walked the few steps to where his dark half was standing, laughing uncontrollably. It just so happened that Marik was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Poor bastard didn't even see it coming.
One moment the kitchen was filled with disappointed shouts, pitiful screams for help, and strangely British battle cries, and the next it was completely silent. All eyes were focused on the spectacle that was Malik kissing Marik. Mostly the attention was focused on Marik's look of disgruntled surprise.
Yugi was the first to break the silence by giggling. It was just so rare that Marik was surprised or scared shitless and the face he made was just priceless. Ryou soon followed in his friend's footsteps, chuckling at how distraught the tanned dark looked.
When Malik pulled away, his dark remained frozen, truly frightened. Though what he was afraid of couldn't be determined. Was it the kiss it self, or was it something more? It's like eating school enchiladas. Is it the fact that they look like barf or is it that they taste eerily like a booger you'd eaten once way back in kindergarten? No one knows for sure. Except for Marik in this case.
Malik began to snicker along with his friends when he saw the face his dark was making. It really was too funny to not laugh at. Too bad Yami and Bakura didn't share that sentiment. They too look scared out of their wits.
"Why did he- why was he-," Bakura stammered. "You slut!", he shouted at Malik. Said 'slut' stopped laughing faster than one can say 'ho' and glared at the white haired yami.
"Excuse me?"
"You're a slut, plain and simple," Bakura said matter-of-factly.
Malik growled. "I am not a fucking slut and I'd appreciate it if you'd quit calling me that!"
Bakura snorted. "Why should I, when that's exactly what you are?"
"Bakura," Malik warned as he clenched his fist. The tomb robber snorted at him again, but did not retract his comments. "If you don't fucking tell me why I'm supposedly such a slut I will not hesitate to beat your face in."
"Why, when you can't even beat yourse-"
"Bakura!", Ryou scolded. "Can't you be nice to people for more than five seconds?"
Bakura turned to him, menacing glare in place. "Can't you stay down next time I knock you down the stairs?"
"I knew you did it!", Yami shouted pointing an accusatory finger at Bakura.
"I'm telling you I didn't do it last time!", he growled in return. That was really all it took before the two were throwing insults at each other from across the room. Yugi wasn't helping matters with his 'grow up' and 'be the bigger man' talks. Ryou was trying his best to shush his yami without having to face his wrath at a later date. Malik, already less than pleased with being called the equivalent of Anna Nicole Smith, was pissed that he still didn't have an explanation and took to screaming at Bakura in Egyptian. Pretty much the only ones who weren't involved in the fray were Marik, Jou, and Kaiba, two of whom weren't even in the room at the time.
Marik looked at each of the shouting boys trying to take in all of what they said to each other and finding it nearly impossible. Then he looked at the offensive piece of greenery and frowned. Was this tiny bit of green and berries the source of all their problems? He looked back at the group of feuding hikaris and darks, smirking but only slightly. Though Marik loved chaos and was generally the source of it, seeing his five 'friends' shouting so vehemently tugged at his blackened crazed heart.
So being the stupid less-than-sane soul that he is, he solved the problem the only way he could think of. He reached up, ripped the mistletoe off of the doorframe and ate it.
"What the hell!" Oddly enough this shout came from Yugi.
"And you tell me to sensor my language..."
"Shut up Yami," he growled. Considering it was Yugi the growl sounded more like a kitty purring instead of a fierce beast. Yugi and fierce just didn't jive. "Marik, what the hell did you do that for?"
Marik smirked to himself, rather pleased with what he'd done. Not only had he ingested something beyond delightful, he'd managed to stop the shouting match between his companions. Life was good. It'd be better if he could juggle some newborns, but no one's life was perfect.
"Marik," Malik began calmly. "Why did you eat the fucking mistletoe?"
"Simple, I say. That evil shadow plant was forcing all of you lights to become sluts. Even Jou and he hates being tied up."
Yugi blinked at his explanation. "O...k... Um, first of all I don't quite understand what Jou being tied up has to do with this, but whatever. You're insane."
Yami snorted. "That's an understatement." Ryou and Malik nodded in agreement.
"Second of all," Yugi continued, "It wasn't a shadow plant. It was just a normal plant that's used in a Christmas time tradition."
"What the fuck type of tradition forces you to make out with your friends?", Bakura asked, pissed as he most often was.
Yugi turned and glared at him. "We didn't make out, we just kissed. And it's a nice tradition."
Bakura elbowed Yami in the side. "Told you he was a slut." Yami smacked him in the back of the head. "Shut the fuck up." Ryou stepped between the two before they could escalate into another fight.
"Yugi, hurry up and finish explaining so these two can stop trying to kill each other for a few minutes."
"Alright, alright." The small light took a deep breath. "During the Christmas season it's normal, and even a tradition in some households, to put up mistletoe at random places in the house. Whenever two people end up underneath it, they're supposed to kiss. It's just supposed to be a gesture of goodwill between two people."
Yami nodded in understanding. "That explains it. Well, kind of. I just don't see why you had to kiss them on the lips."
"Jealous pharaoh?"
Ryou elbowed his dark. "Bakura!" Said dark growled at him. Ryou scooted closer to Yami.
"It's not about being interested in people, um, that way," the tiny boy blushed. "It's just that me, Malik, Ryou, and Jou are really good friends so it doesn't bother us to kiss on the lips. Had it been me and Kaiba I would've pecked him on the cheek or something."
"Or not at all, hopefully," Yami muttered.
"Now do you understand," Malik asked looking around at the three very stupid darks. Stupid in the sense that they always blew things way out of proportion. "The damned stuff is harmless! Now can we just enjoy the rest of the party?" Everyone nodded and began to file out of the kitchen.
"So, aibou, is there more of this mistletoe stuff around?" Yugi thought for a moment and nodded. "Yeah, there's some more over near the game shop door. Do you wanna go see?"
"Sure."
"Yeah," Bakura agreed. "We should all know where this weird shit is so we don't end up having to kiss the pharaoh and smell his camel breath."
Before Yami could even retort Ryou kicked him and his yami in the shin. "Just quit it you two."
"Quit what?", Jou asked as he came up behind the group.
"Quit being jerks to each other," Ryou said pouting.
"Oh, those two? Nah, that'll never happen," he said, a good-natured smile spreading across his face. "Well what're we all stuffed in this hallway for?"
"We were showing these idiots," Malik gestured to Bakura and Yami and tugged at Marik's hair, "where the rest of the mistletoe is."
"Oh hey, there it is over there." Jou maneuvered past his friends to stand underneath it. "Man I'm glad we don't have any of this at my house. It's just me and my dad after all." Jou continued to babble on about the perks of not having any mistletoe at his own abode, his friends glad to be listening to something that didn't involve the words 'slut', 'whore', 'stfu', or 'salami'. Why salami we're not quite sure.
It was during his tirade when a telltale shadow loomed over him from behind. The only difference in the shadow being that it looked vaguely soggy. Actually the person the menacing shadow belonged to was quite damp from head to toe and vaguely blue tinted.
Upon seeing Kaiba enter the room Malik and Marik burst out laughing. He just looked too damn funny. Even the nicest of people couldn't resist at least grinning at him, though Ryou and Yugi were trying their best not to.
Kaiba wore a look of extreme distaste at his current state and that of his so-called companions. He had no clue how he became locked in the upstairs bathroom or why every bottle of toilet cleaner known to man was perched on the ceiling of that bathroom or why they all decided to unload their contents on him at once, but he wasn't pleased.
As though to make matters worse, Yugi began giggling uncontrollably. He nudged his dark in the side and pointed at a point just above Kaiba's head. Yami then started chuckling and nudged Bakura, pointing at the same point. Eventually everyone but Jou and Kaiba had found this new source of mirth and were enjoying it immensely.
Jou blinked at them cutely and cocked his head to the side. "What're you guys laughing at?" Yugi just snickered and pointed in response. Jou looked up, then behind him and he paled slightly.
Jou was standing underneath the mistletoe with one very blue, very pissed Seto Kaiba.
"Hey," Bakura shouted, "You two have to kiss now, or so says the runt." Jou sighed, looking quite pained, but nodded. He dug around in his pocket and pulled out the oh-so-convenient Chap Stick and applied it to his lips.
"If I have to kiss him then I don't see why it has to taste like his assy mouth."
If looks could kill Kaiba's wouldn't have even made a dandelion wilt. Poor bastard was more scared than anything. And why wouldn't he be. After all, he was the only one who knew the secret behind the Chap Stick. Unfortunately for him, within the few seconds that he spent panicking, Jou had reached up and kissed him firmly on the lips.
That's right. Jounochi Katsuya and Seto Kaiba kissed. It was probably really hot.
Everyone was laughing at the looks of displeasure on their faces, all except for Yugi who was laughing because he knew something that the others didn't. But you don't need to know that either. Suckers.
Two minutes passed and Yami decided to end the torture. "Alright, you guys have kissed long enough." Kaiba and Jou didn't move.
Ryou laughed. "Look, we know you guys don't like each other so you don't have to keep doing this. Just let go."
It was then that they realized something was very wrong. Well actually, two things. First off, Jou and Kaiba seemed unable to separate themselves from each other. Secondly, Marik had been very quiet for the last few minutes. That wasn't good.
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Thirty minutes later, the strange group of friends could be found at the hospital in various states of distress. Yami, Yugi, Bakura, and Ryou were all quite amused with the situation. Though the two lights were concerned for their friends, both situations were just too hilarious.
Marik was passed out up against the hospital waiting room wall, beginning to foam at the mouth. Malik was in front of him, not sure whether to beat him senseless or to comfort him.
Jou and Kaiba were, by far, in the worst situation, for not only were they stuck together, they were conjoined at the one place that made them appear as though they were a loving couple.
Eventually a nurse came out and greeted them all, most especially Kaiba and Jou.
"Hello again Mr. Kaiba and you too Jou."
The group looked at each other. What did she mean again?
The friendly blonde headed nurse approached the two and gave them a quick once over, already having found the problem. "I don't know how you got stuck together this time, but I'm sure you can tell me after we get you separated, ne?" Neither of the boys would make eye contact with her.
The group of friends all exchanged odd looks.
"That was one wild party," Marik slurred out before passing out again.
Kaiba and Jou were eventually separated but not until half of the nursing staff had snapped pictures and promised to make Christmas cards out of them. Marik had his stomach pumped and was scolded by both the doctor and his light for being such an idiot. Malik was later scolded for not fully explaining what he meant by 'harmless'.
Bakura never did get a piece of cake and retaliated by burning all of Ryou's clothes... for the second time that month. Ryou, deciding to grab life by the balls for once, decided that slipping his dark a little antifreeze wouldn't hurt and that going to a different hospital would keep suspicion down.
Yami and Yugi finished decorating the house inside and out and they had a long talk about all the weird little Christmas traditions ever created. Yami was forbidden from mistletoe after abusing it and Yugi was eventually forced to take the rest of it down to keep the other darks from trying to kiss inanimate objects.
One wild party indeed.
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1. see Bakura Finds Antifreeze
2. Look, we all know Pegasus is a child-molester at heart. Like he wouldn't want to see them going at it?
3. Kung Fu Hustle, you punk bitches
4. if you've read through Hana Kimi book 4, then you understand this reference. If you haven't, go buy the damned book!
ok, so this was my longest one so far. what do u kids think, eh? in case it's unclear, kaiba filled the chapstick with super glue. yeah, sucks for him. XD a qucik thank you to all of you who reviewed but don't have effeff dot net accounts. if ya'll could leave an e-mail i can thank you more personally, capiche? alrigh then.
Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays kids! XD