AN: Well, I am victorious! I have found a beta reader! Much thanks to CallaRose, who graciously volunteered to be my beta reader! Yay! I am extremely happy about this, hopefully together; we can make the story prettier sounding and more fluid. :blissful sigh: Hm. A reviewer asked me if the Rurouni is coming back. My answer: Possibly. I can't reveal the secrets of the story to you, yet. Just like I won't tell you the pairing-yet. I'm still contemplating it. I know the characters, and I trust them to tell me where to take the story. (I just saw the movie 'Alex and Emma'. Alex is a writer and he says something very similar about writing and letting the story tell itself.)

#$$$ GOD DA$#&&$$ F(&$$

I had to get that out of my system. I had my authors' notes and the disclaimer and the first TWO sentences of this chapter saved. I typed seven pages…then my computer got a FREAKING ERROR and GOD $#f#$$. I CAN'T TAKE THIS! I was typing for three hours. I know that I take forever to write. But yeah…three hours of work, GONE IN LESS THAN THIRTY SECONDS. :sigh: I've gotten a redbull out (I'm already taking shots) and it's 12:02 A.M., standard eastern time (or is it eastern standard time? It's time for me to just write No thinking.). Hopefully I'll get this chapter out the way I wanted to…it was good before. GOD &&$#$.

Sorry for the language, but you must understand my…frustration. ---understatement of year.

Disclaimer: The ownership of Rurouni Kenshin and its affiliates is that which I lay no legal claim to.

When You Can't Let Go

Chapter 4: Plans

Kaoru lay on her sleeping mat; her eyes closed. Sighing she rolled onto her back, opening her lids to gaze at the ceiling. Regulating her breaths, Kaoru slowly slid her mind into the more wakeful mode required for deep thought.

She was thinking about Kenshin and Soujiro. They were both highly skilled swordsmen. Kaoru had a sketchy understanding of Kenshin's past, but she knew next to nothing of Soujiro's past but what foggy and vague descriptions Soujiro himself had told her.

Kaoru remembered a conversation that she'd had with Soujiro about two weeks after his arrival at the dojo. They had both shared more of their past than the others at the dojo knew about. Soujiro's calm voice echoed in her head…

"I learned swordsmanship early on from a great fighter. I…I killed many people working for this man. I thought what I was doing was right, but then a great swordsman fought with me and showed me that there's more to life than the teaching I followed. So I began to wander, hoping to atone for the sins of my past."

Kaoru thought harder, and found herself sitting up. Understanding what her body subconsciously suggested, she quietly rose and moved to the hallway. Walking as quietly as she could, Kaoru walked down the hall and out onto the porch.

She wanted to think with the stars.

…..

I could hear her breathing, calm and steady for some time before she moved from her room. I knew she was awake the whole time, and I was wondering if I would have a chance to talk with her about what was keeping her up so late. A few moments after she arrived on the porch, I silently slid open my shoji door and crept into the hall.

Maintaining myself within the shadows, I blended in. It was almost like all my missions for Shishio-sama all those years ago. Years? I inwardly sighed. More like a year and a half…My past just wasn't far enough away for my comfort.

I thought of Kaoru. She was innocent, and when those thugs first appeared; I was almost blinded by fury that they would assume they could get away with what they were suggesting. Kaoru should never have to encounter men like that, they were despicable.

They were weak…But even worse, they had no honor.

Kaoru was strong and vibrant. I never knew that one woman could awaken such emotion within me. Underneath my smile, I had emotions…but they were never strong because I had suppressed them for so long. All the beatings I had endured from my family as a child…Yes. Emotions were best left behind, never touched nor embraced.

For some reason, Kaoru was able to bring real smiles out of me. I felt the difference immediately the first time I had truly smiled.

FLASHBACK

Kaoru's athletic build could be seen beneath the gi and hakama she wore as she sat, exhausted, on the dojo's floor. Her brow was slightly glistening with sweat from the exertion of sparing with the swordsman beside her.

"Soujiro, I just wanted to compliment you on your technique, with the sword...and the children. You have a natural touch." Kaoru beamed proudly at her blue eyed assistant.

Slowly, Soujiro widened his usual smile and felt something flutter in his chest. Looking straight into the cerulean depths of Kaoru's eyes. "Arigatou, Kaoru. You are very skilled with your bokken as well."

Kaoru let out a friendly laugh, tossing her head back. "Ah, Soujiro, you know that I'm not nearly as good as you. You are…amazing."

Again, Soujiro felt that foreign flutter in his chest.

END FLASHBACK

It was so uncharacteristic for me to feel emotions. I found that feeling how Kaoru made me feel was quite…refreshing, and exhilarating.

I kept to the inside of the house, peering out at Kaoru who was staring into the sky strewn with millions of diamonds. I noticed I was not the only one admiring the dojo instructor.

Battousai moved from the shadows first. As he sank into the step beside Kaoru, I withdrew. Slowly retreating back to my room. He could speak with her…but I didn't trust him. He could have his moment but I wasn't giving up.

Kaoru was so trusting, in everyone. Unfortunately, I feared she would trust the wrong person one day…and I believed this person would be the Battousai.

…..

I knew the Tenken was hiding out in the shadows. Heh. He was probably hoping to talk with Kaoru tonight. Too bad I would beat him to it.

I walked over to Kaoru from my place in the darkness. As I sat beside Kaoru, I felt the Tenken's ki move back to his room with an indignant flare. I fought down a little laugh at his antics. Who knew the smiling Tenken would actually smile for real? Especially for my Kaoru…

Kaoru certainly did have a certain effect on many people, especially me.

"Good evening, Kaoru." I said in a low voice, smiling as she gave a slight jump. Her eyes had been fixed on the sky, with numerous stars scattered around an almost full moon.

"Hello, Kenshin. Couldn't sleep, ne?" Her concerned blue eyes were directed at me.

"Ah. Well, I was just thinking. You?" I observed her yukata which was quite modest, I could barely make out the curve of her neck blending into her back's plane.

Kaoru was silent for a moment. Her skin was smooth and pale in the moon's light, while her eyes sparkled with the reflection of the stars thrown across an inky black pallet.

I love how Kaoru turns me into a poet.

"Kenshin…I was just thinking also." Her eyes once again sought the refuge of the boundless sky. I let her think for a few minutes before telling her my thoughts.

"Kaoru, tomorrow I will train with you." She looked startled, and for a second, I thought she was going to get mad. I quickly added, "I know you can defend yourself, but I'm simply worried about three things. One, you will not always have a bokken with you. Two, there could be many opponents, and three, they will not always give a fair fight." I omitted the part about how when Soujiro and I had taken down those thugs that I had briefly worried about what would have happened if we had not been there with her. Well, more than briefly worried.

The thoughts had actually been plaguing me since we returned to the dojo.

I expected Kaoru to rail off about how she could protect herself, and how she wasn't a child, but oddly-Kaoru looked as if she were considering my suggestion. Or rather, statement.

Maybe it was the moon and its hypnotic powers…but Kaoru grinned at me.

"Alright Kenshin, I will train with you, just so you won't worry. You are so considerate." With a dazzling smile, Kaoru stood and stretched her arms high above her head. Watching her lithe form stretch and contract back into its normal position caused a stirring in my stomach. A coil of heat unwound itself and moved into my chest.

Kaoru's raven hair was free and hung to the small of her back. I inwardly groaned. I battled down the compulsive urge to run my fingers through her silky tresses.

She really was beautiful.

"Ano, we'll have to practice in the afternoon Kenshin. I have three classes in the morning, Soujiro will be helping me with those. Well, it's getting late and I have to wake up early tomorrow."

As she turned to go back into the house, she said a 'goodnight, Kenshin' to me over her shoulder.

I was left on the porch alone. I was fine with that, I had been out here for an hour or two before Kaoru arrived, and I planned to stay for at least another hour.

Staring at the sky made me feel small and insignificant. It was comforting, in an odd way. Somehow, I felt that if I was small then my sins were also minute.

But the sentiment only lasted when I looked at the night sky.

I knew the murders I committed during the Bakumatsu were many, but for a higher purpose. The dead, on the other hand, know no purpose other than to constantly remind me of their dying screams and final pleas for life. Every night in my dreams, I relive those moments of horrific trauma. Within my head-there is no escape for a hitokiri.

Two things kept me sane. Kaoru, and the knowledge that there were others like her living in this peaceful age, an age which I had built with the blood of thousands.

…..

The sounds of Tokyo awakening in the early morning filled the Kamiya dojo. Kaoru twitched her small nose in her sleep, attempting to rid herself of a phantom itch.

Auughh…I hate early mornings…Must get out of bed… Kaoru's thoughts managed to rouse her so she sat up on her sleeping mat. Rubbing her sleep-heavy lids, she looked around the room.

Time for breakfast…hopefully I won't have to make it. Kaoru put on the gi and hakama that she taught in. She wasn't uncomfortable wearing a kimono, but wearing a gi and hakama was much more appealing to the young kendo instructor. Somehow, when she wore the traditional training attire, she felt that she was making her father proud.

Quickly brushing her ebony locks, she swept it all into a ponytail. Her bangs and two strands of rebellious hair found their way out of her hair's bindings. It was annoying, yes, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to fix it, she was never able to.

Sliding the shoji to her room open, she glanced down the hall and noticed breakfast was already cooking. Elated, she skipped to the kitchen to find a smiling Soujiro and disheveled Yahiko.

Slowing her steps, Kaoru decided to scare Yahiko. He looked like the walking dead…perhaps it would wake him up some.

Stealthily, she maneuvered herself behind the young teenager. With a silent breath she practically yelled, "What a beautiful morning, Yahiko-chan! Wouldn't you agree?"

Yahiko's body jerked as if it were physically hit. He turned to deliver a penetrating glare to his teacher.

"Oi, Busu! It is WAY too early for that…" After the initial anger wore off, his eyes once again became distant and the end of his sentence trailed off. Kaoru knew he was half asleep again.

Putting the washed rice into a pot to cook, Yahiko mumbled to Kaoru and Soujiro something about the dojo. He padded his way to the door and left the two blue-eyed people laughing.

"Soujiro, were you ever like that as a child? Or is it just Yahiko?" Kaoru had to keep herself from snorting as she said that.

"Ah, Kaoru, I must admit I was never quite as…sleepy as Yahiko in the morning…" Soujiro grinned wider as he remembered the young boy's first appearance in the kitchen that morning. If Kaoru thought he was bad when she saw him, she should've seen him only twenty minutes before!

"Heh. Yep, I knew it was just a Yahiko thing. Soujiro, would you like for me to help you with that?" Kaoru admired the way her companion used precise movements to slice the fish into equal parts.

"Miss Kamiya, I would be honored if you would help me prepare breakfast." Soujiro said in a serious voice. The smile he wore never left his youthful face.

…..

Soujiro really is cute, I thought to myself.

Shaking my head of those thoughts, I moved to get a pan for the fish. Soujiro and I worked together, never exchanging words-because we didn't need to.

After ten minutes, the fish and rice were ready. Soujiro and I set up the table.

"We have to make sure that we leave room for Sano, you never know when he'll decide to show up!" I said to Soujiro. With a nod of his head and the ever-ready smile, he placed another bowl on the table.

"Well, Kaoru. It seems like breakfast is now ready. Ah, here comes Yahiko."

"Isn't it amazing how Yahiko-chan can magically appear whenever there is food? He's almost like Sano!" I exclaimed with a sly grin as a more alert Yahiko made a beeline for his bowl.

"Busu, be quiet. I'm hungry." With an exaggerated sniff, Yahiko declared, "I suppose Soujiro made this meal, ne? Busu could never pull off any cooking without burning the water."

With the last sentence, he began to shove his mouth full of food as fast has his chopsticks would allow. I felt the vein in my head start to throb as I rolled up my sleeves to whack Yahiko across the head.

Soujiro leaned over and patted my arm. With a knowing smile, he just shook his head with silent laughter. I suppose that was his way of letting me know that I should let Yahiko off. Well, fine. Just this once then.

You're lucky Yahiko-chan. Next time you won't be. I thought to myself menacingly.

I stood and told the two that I was going to tell Kenshin that breakfast was ready.

As I walked outside, I knew where he would be. A few paces off to the side of the main house led me to my secluded meditation spot beneath a Sakura tree. Kenshin was sitting with his eyes lidded and body relaxed.

How beautiful… I mused as I approached him. His hair was flowing down from a high ponytail and his bangs brushed his closed eyes. Deep crimson locks that shone…Mou! How unfair! Kenshin has better hair than I do…I thought jealously.

I knelt beside the redheaded swordsman and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Kenshin." I spoke with a low voice so I wouldn't disturb him too much. I knew he was awake, but it was so quiet underneath the sakura tree, I didn't want to disturb the peace.

"Breakfast is ready, Kenshin." I said.

His eyes opened and he stared at me with the most stunning amber eyes. I'd noticed his eyes were different since he'd returned, but these eyes were…breathtaking. They had a feral quality to them and emotions swirled in their depths that I couldn't decipher. I simply couldn't move my eyes from his.

To tell the truth, I was afraid to look away, but I was also afraid to meet his gaze…it felt like I would get lost in his hardened tawny-hued orbs.

I finally broke the contact. I looked back at the house, and removed my hand from his shoulder. How could that one look make me feel so…exposed?

Hurriedly, I stood and motioned for Kenshin to come with me. He stood, his eyes still on me, and we made our way to the house for breakfast.

…..

I considered which form I should take in order to best infiltrate the Kamiya dojo. Battousai had seen my old woman form…I would need something fragile. I had heard of Kamiya-san's weakness for those who could not protect themselves. Perhaps…yes. I knew of a person I could imitate that Kamiya-san could not resist.

I smirked, continuing my journey towards Tokyo.

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

So, how'd you like it? Can you guess who the last person's POV was? If not, then you need to reread the first chapter. Well, I finished this chapter in almost 2 hours. Very good, considering I first had it almost done in 3 ½. I was distracted though. They had a very interesting program on Animal Planet. Well, I'm off to email this to my new beta reader CallaRose! Yes. Then I will post it. Man. The redbull shots really worked.