1Dear Diary

By: Yamiko #7

Believe me, if I can come up with a better title than that, I'm changing it. Just a small disclaimer before we start. (Y'know, aside from the standard "I don't own squat" one...which I don't, by the way. Just so you know.)

If you don't want any spoilers, STOP READING NOW.

This takes place after the end of the manga (which, believe me, is VERY different from the end of the anime). You can either figure out the situation by what happens in the fic ('cause I don't intend to go into detail about the ending here), you can go to Astral Contact at (I think...or maybe it's .net... don't quote me on the web address) and read the nice detailed spoiler on the manga like I did, or you can stop here because you're one of the people who prefers the anime and therefore has no concept of a happy ending for Chrno Crusade. (I hate the ending of the anime. With a passion. It was TERRIBLE.)

So I've had my disclaimer and my spoiler warning...I suppose I should have my fluff warning now. Yes, this fic will be VERY FLUFFY; none of the angst and violence of which I am so fond. And I've never written fluff before, so this should be...interesting, to say the least. How do I keep it from getting sappy? Make it sarcastic, slightly angsty, off-kilter fluff with Hamlet references, I guess. When you put it like that...is it really even fluff anymore? I dunno.

I'm sure you're all very tired of me prattling on incessantly with no real point...so I'll stop now. On with the fic!

Chapter One: Chrno

"Rosette, I...I love you."

It hasn't been ten seconds since those words left my mouth and I already know they're a mistake.

I knew she'd be surprised, but I didn't think it would be like this. She looks completely shell-shocked, as if I've just dropped a bomb on her. Although in a sense, I guess I did.

I didn't really expect her to be this stunned. After all we'd been through together, I thought she had some clue as to my feelings for her. I even thought there might be a chance she felt that same way towards me.

I hate being wrong. Especially about things like this.

She begins to shake her head, slowly. What does that mean? She doesn't understand? She's trying to clear her head? She doesn't know what to say?

She doesn't care?

My God. I can't do this.

And with that thought, all my resolve leaves me.

It took me almost two weeks to gather enough of it for me to tell her at all, and all of a sudden it's gone. Poof. Kaput. Vanished like it was never there in the first place. Seeing as how things are going now, maybe it would have been better if it hadn't been there.

The wind whistles through the trees around us, snapping my attention back to the present. My resolve is now truly gone, and suddenly I can't stay here anymore. My body is up and running before my mind really decides whether or not it wants to leave. I hear Rosette stand, but I'm too far ahead for her to catch up to me. I rarely ever stay in my smaller form now that I have my horns, and Rosette can't match my stride in my bigger form, the one I'm in now. Maybe that's a good thing right now.

I come to a stop. Nothing looks familiar. I'm lost somewhere in the woods in New York. It's not really a problem for me - I can just fly home. This might actually be a good thing. Nobody knows where I am, nobody can find me here...it's the perfect opportunity to lose myself completely.

So I do.

When I finally come to my senses, my hands are bleeding and a very beaten-looking tree is uprooted and lying broken on the ground. I flex my fingers and wince. If I don't remove the splinters soon, the skin will heal over them and I'll have to cut my hands open to get them out.

I'm finding it particularly hard to care about that right now. I wonder why.

I lean against an undamaged tree and slide down until I'm sitting on the ground. Only then do I allow the tears that have been threatening to come all through my fit of rage to fall.

It's quiet. Peaceful. My sobs are the only thing to break the midmorning silence.

I can't focus. Can't think. Can't even breathe very well. If anything predatory comes along now, I'm dead. I don't care.

I've lost myself again, this time in a completely different way.

I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do now. I know my little confession has changed our relationship in some way, but I don't know how. I really should try to figure it out. But figuring it out means I need to face Rosette. Two to tango and all that.

I don't think I'm up to that right now.

Hell, I haven't even stopped crying yet.

So I've figured out what my problem(s) is/are: can't write angst, can't write romance, can't write fluff, can't write first-person introspective, can't seem to write a chapter more than two pages long. (Sigh) I can, however, write a good analytical essay. That only seems to work for IB English, however: it's not really helping my fanfiction skills. (Laugh) Oh, darn. Well, I shall attempt to continue on with this...it may not go all that well, but at least I'm trying...and if anybody out there has a better title for me, by all means please let me know. I freaking hate "Dear Diary" and I don't seem to be able to think of anything else at the moment.

Okay, that's enough out of me for the moment. Thanks for reading and see you in chapter 2