AN: Well….:steps out of the black abyss: I'm back…I'm sorry for not updating in forever! I would give you excuses…Do you want them? I'll give them, but only because it'll make me feel a little better. I've started school again, and I have three AP classes and all my classes are "gifted." (I'm in AP Statistics, AP Language and Composition, AP US History, Gifted Analysis-aka Pre Calculus- Spanish 3, and Gifted Chemistry) There's been a lot of homework involved (there's also the bit about me feeling like a complete failure in writing…got some grades back in English-my strongest subject- and well, put simply. GAAAAH:pulls out hair: It was a little like that), and I still have to make it to Taekwondo and running in the morning. For the first week of school my room was so messy I couldn't sleep in it…so yeah. Those are some of my excuses. Lame, I know. I'm sorry. I'll try harder. I've made a commitment to you readers and I WILL deliver, come hell or high water. (I usually don't curse…can you tell I'm stressed?)

Disclaimer: The amazing thing about writing fanfiction is that despite your best efforts, you can never own the characters or the anime from which they were forcibly kidnapped from.

When You Can't Let Go

Chapter 6: How You Feel

Kenshin walked quickly through the streets of Tokyo.

'Damn Saitoh'

He was on his way to the police station; Saitoh had summoned him.

A stranger bumped into the redhead, but kept walking with only a slight muttering of an apology.

Kenshin's anger exploded. He quickly turned to confront the rude man, but found that the crowd had already swallowed him.

'Damn Walker'

…..

I've already informed Battousai that I'm in town. Too bad he was so out of practice he didn't notice me. Of course, I knew he would never find me in the middle of all these people.

Ah, Battousai is very oblivious for an ex-hitokiri.

I continued to make my way across the wooden bridge, heading for the Kamiya dojo.

…..

Kaoru brushed her hair out of her face as she moved to hang the laundry.

"Kaoru, you shouldn't try to do that…especially with only one arm, you might injure yourself more. " I said.

Walking over to her, I held up the pole and took the hakama from her hand. "Let me help."

"All right, Soujiro. But only because you cooked breakfast so well AND you got rid of the rooster-head and Yahiko-chan." Kaoru smiled, but then she looked at her bandages.

She held up her injured arm and made a face.

"I feel so useless with this broken arm. Nobody will let me do anything." Kaoru frowned. "I'm not made of glass, you know. I'm perfectly capable of doing some things. Besides, I feel fine. Megumi-"

"-Ah, but we don't want you to become worse when you've already made such progress." I finished hanging the laundry and looked at her wrapped arm. I felt another stab of guilt…I'd felt a lot of those the past two days.

"I'm sorry about hurting your arm, Kaoru."

"Soujiro! If you apologize one more time, you'll REALLY be sorry! I'm tired of seeing you look all mopey and sad when you look at this stupid arm! Baka." With a huff, Kaoru turned and walked towards the house.

She didn't get too far. I sprinted ahead and reached the porch before she did.

I sat and motioned for my raven-haired friend to do the same. She shot me a glare, but I simply smiled back at her.

Kaoru threw her good arm up in defeat. "Fine, Soujiro. What do you want?" She asked as she sank onto the floor beside me.

…..

I looked at Soujiro as he smiled at the sky. His hair had grown long in the time he had spent with his, and his eyes were clearer; they didn't have that distant, cloudy look they held when he first came.

Soujiro didn't look like he was going to answer my question, so I figured he probably just wanted to sit.

So we sat in silence. With my legs crossed, I placed my chin in the unbroken arm which I had propped on one knee and rested my broken arm on the other.

When I looked at the clouds, I saw a storm coming in the far distance. The dark clouds had bright flashes jumping from one dark patch to another. The sky around us, and most of Tokyo, was beautiful and clear, with only a few wispy stragglers of white.

"Kaoru?"

I glanced at Soujiro who was now leaning backwards with both arms stretched behind him.

"Yes?"

"Well," Soujiro's ever-constant smile sagged a little. I reached over to touch his arm; when his smile wavered like that, things were never good.

My touch seemed to give him a push into saying what he wanted to. He leaned forward and turned towards me, his face now serious.

"I know you may not want to hear this, Kaoru…But…Well. Have you noticed that Kenshin isn't the same as he was before?"

I closed my eyes and thought about it. Scenes of Kenshin being much more forward and…predatory…flashed through my mind.

Kaoru, tomorrow I will train with you…

Kaoru…

I won't. I won't leave you again, Kaoru…

I've made some changes, Sano…

"Yes. He doesn't call me 'Kaoru-dono' anymore…and he doesn't call himself 'sessha'…But other than that, he's still the same Kenshin, ne?" I attempted a light hearted smile.

"I mean, he still does the laundry and helps with the cooking. I think you guys are matched fairly well with swords and in the kitchen!" I laughed at the picture of Soujiro and Kenshin slaving away over a pot of boiling rice all day. Soujiro's lips curved to form a slight smile, but he didn't laugh.

"Ay, he did change those ways, Kaoru…I'm talking about other changes though. I think that Kenshin isn't Kenshin anymore. His ki is no longer that of a rurouni." Soujiro paused, looking at me intently. I looked into my lap and fiddled with a loose thread on my training hakama.

What Soujiro was saying couldn't be true. It couldn't…

"So…are you saying that Kenshin is…is Battousai?" My voice was calm and even, but inside my mind was screaming and my heart was beating fast. It felt like the sun made the outside warmer than it was a few moments ago, when I was enjoying it.

I felt Soujiro's eyes on me. "Yes." One word. The one answer I didn't want to hear.

I was silent for a moment. Kenshin had lost himself to the person he was in the past, the person he spent 10 years trying to escape. I could feel the sting of tears threatening to fall. I felt like I had failed him.

But Kenshin hated Battousai…why would he become…it doesn't make sense! Kenshin wouldn't throw the rurouni away…would he?

Suddenly, I felt Soujiro's arms around me. I buried my head into his shoulder and held my breath. I wouldn't cry. Maybe Kenshin wanted to be the Battousai. Maybe he wanted it…

…..

The blue eyed boy held the girl close to him as her shoulders shook with unshed tears, but it didn't last long. Soon, she had calmed herself and was slowly inhaling the smell of the swordsman's gi.

Soujiro rubbed slow circles onto her back as he felt her ki return to normal. Its level had spiked, showing him strength of spirit that few possessed.

"I'm here for you, Kaoru." He whispered into her hair. Blue eyes gazed up towards his own as he continued to make comforting motions on Kaoru's back.

"I know, Soujiro." She said as she gave him a little smile, eyes still betraying the pain she felt.

She probably feels like she's lost Kenshin…

…..

I looked into her eyes which held mine with a steady gaze full of swirling emotions, unspoken but well known. Without my consent, my hand moved to rearrange the bangs which had fallen in a sloppy manner on the top of her eyebrows.

I wanted more; I loved the way her hair felt. I brushed my fingertips across her hairline and ran my hand through the length of her ponytail. Kaoru lifted her head and closed her eyes.

Apparently Battousai had never done this to her.

Her inexperience was obvious; she was satisfied with just having me touch her hair. What if I touched her face? Slowly, I traced my fingers along her jaw.

Kaoru responded by inching closer to me. I smiled as I moved a single finger over her lips. Her eyes widened, looking slightly worried as she looked at me. With a reassuring smile, I moved towards her lips.

I hope I am her first kiss.

…..

OhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygosh

Am I allowed to let him touch my hair? Nobody touches my hair…What if someone walks in? But…I hope he likes it.

We were just talking about Kenshin….how did we get here? Don't I still love Kenshin? Don't I? He never does anything like this; he never treats me like Soujiro.

My eyes snapped open as I felt his fingers move along my face. In a totally uncontrolled response, my body moved closer to his. AHHH, What am I DOING?

Kaoru, lots of girls have experienced this…You're just a little behind the times. What if somebody comes in! My reputation! I already have two men staying with me! But you like it, don't you? Well…

I pushed aside all my reservations as I saw Soujiro smile.

But then he leaned his head down, like he was…Ohmygosh, he's going to kiss me.

I could feel his breath near my mouth, and my fingers entwined themselves in his hair. Heart beating so fast…

When our lips finally touched, it seemed like I'd been waiting forever. His soft mouth moved gently against mine as we leaned closer and held tighter. I parted my lips, inviting him with a slight pull from the hand lost in his dark hair.

My last coherent thought before I lost myself to the bliss of his doing:

He tastes good.

…..

Soujiro pulled away quickly as he felt Kenshin's ki come towards the front gate. One look at Kaoru's face had him swoop in for a quick touch of their lips, a promise of more to come. Her blue eyes seemed glazed over, and her hand was still tucked into his tousled ebony hair.

"Ah, Kaoru…" Soujiro began, only to be interrupted by the abrupt clashing of their mouths.

"Kao…ru…" Soujiro's broken words spilled between Kaoru's lips.

"Gomen! Gomen. Did you…" Kaoru gave an uncertain look at him. "…Did you not want that?"

Before he could answer she sighed and looked away, idly tracing patterns on her splinted arm.

"Kaoru, of course I wanted that. You are a very good kisser." He said with a genuine smile.

"But you-" Kaoru began, her blue eyes looking confused.

"Well, Kenshin is returning." A pointed glance at the gates revealed nothing, but within a few seconds a redhead seemed to be approaching the dojo's gates.

"Mou!" Kaoru looked flustered for a minute as she attempted to arrange her clothes and hair. One look at Soujiro elicited another "Mou!" as she quickly organized his appearance.

"Okay. How do I look?" Soujiro chuckled as Kaoru tried to look calm and collected. Kaoru slapped his leg.

"Seriously, Soujiro!" Glaring, she gestured towards herself. "How. Do. I. Look. ? And fast!"

"You look fine, Kaoru. Don't worry." Soujiro smiled, but a nagging feeling began to bother him.

…..

What if she regrets it?

She wouldn't do something like that, and then take it back…would she?

"Ohayo! Soujiro, Kaoru." Kenshin had finally reached us so I had to put aside my thoughts as I focused on the redhead.

"Ohayo, Kenshin." Kaoru gave him a breathtaking smile, and I felt jealous.

But she just kissed you, not him.

Satisfied, I smiled.

But…What if she regrets it?

"Kaoru, I want to speak to you, can we go for a walk?" Kenshin held out his hand.

I battled internally…should I let Battousai take her? Kaoru decided for me.

"Sure, Kenshin. We'll be right back, Soujiro." She waved and got off the porch.

I tried to get a good look at her eyes before she turned, but her bangs shadowed them. I bit back telling her to be careful. Battousai wouldn't appreciate that.

As they left through the dojo's gates, I looked up the sky.

Looks like the rain is moving in.

…..

I was a little worried that it would start raining as we walked. "Are we going to be long, Kenshin? It looks like it's going to rain."

Kenshin took a glance at the sky and its rolling black clouds. "Don't worry, Kaoru." He said, returning his eyes to the road ahead of us.

We walked as the scenery changed from houses to fields. I reflected on the kiss, or kisses, with Soujiro. I felt like I had betrayed Kenshin…but it seemed like I would wait until I was an old maid for him to even kiss me the way Soujiro did.

Months ago I would've waited a lifetime for Kenshin, but now that I've gotten to know Soujiro… I'm torn.

"I'm sorry I have to do this, Kaoru-chan." I looked up and saw we had reached the edge of a small forest, and then I glanced at Kenshin.

Except he wasn't Kenshin.

…..

She opened her mouth to scream, but I'd already immobilized her. Kaoru's eyes filled with terror, but then shifted to anger. Interesting.

"Well, since you don't know who I am, allow me to introduce myself." I gave a slight bow.

"My name is Shigematsu. I am a ninja." I gave a thoughtful pause. That didn't come out as tactfully and impressively as I had planned.

"Well, I wasn't born as a ninja; I was actually trained to be a shogunate, but then the Meiji Restoration tore that from me. Battousai actually murdered my father. You're only a mean to the end."

I took in her appearance. Disheveled ponytail, blazing azure orbs…Very attractive. I can see why Battousai chose her.

"I suppose you're sick of always being taken captive, ne, Kaoru-chan?"

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Well, there you go. Usually I sit down all at once and write the whole chapter, but this chapter was broken into roughly three sessions. Hope you like the fluff. I tried to write it without being overly…gushy? I dunno. I'm second-guessing my writing enough. Only 6 more reviews until 100. Wow. Thank you guys! (If any of you are still reading after my long absence….) Your encouragement really does help (I went back to read some reviews and find what you guys liked). But I'm not asking for reviews because I'm NOT a review whore.

Don't you hate cliffys? (Or would the spelling be 'cliffies'? I suppose since "cliffy" isn't even classified as an official word we can't be too picky with the details.)

Oh my goodness. (wtf? Oh my goodness?) Anyway. I just figured out how to edit documents straight from ffn. I am an idiot. Of course, my teachers probably could've told me that. Especially when it comes to writing...Auuuug! I'm in a funk again.