Chapter 3

I am not the happy owner of anything regarding "Gone With the Wind" or "Scarlett"!

(I've found inspiration to rewrite this part of ACTB, hope you will like. If, I will update and don't worry; I will update A Glimmer of Hope)

Scarlett was frustrated, she had returned to her hospital duties now that Melanie was out of bed again, but life had turned to be awful complicated. The battle was too close to be ignored or to pretend, that all it would take was one more battle and then, it would be over in a blaze of glory. The soldiers were too serious wounded to hold any charms; all they did were to ask for news of the war. All social life had stopped, almost every house in Atlanta were in mourning and no one felt like celebrating anything anymore. At the Hamilton house the situation was grave; it was difficult to buy food and the only servant Scarlett and Melanie had left was Prissy, and she was in total lack of cooking skills. The same could be said of Scarlett; Melanie was the only one with some skills around a kitchen. Scarlett knew she had to do something soon or they would starve severely, more than they did now. She couldn't go to Tara, the trains had stopped transporting civilians and she had no horse. Aunt Pitty had given her horse to the hospital before she left Atlanta. But the situation would have been worse, if it hadn't been for Rhett Butler, he came by the house every second or third day with some supplies, it was only due to his connections and money they had some food to eat.

Scarlett hated to be in debt to Rhett Butler, it made her feel weak and she hated that feeling. And he always looked at her in a odd, intense way like he was searching for something, but she couldn't understand what he expected to find and that confused her. Another thing that confused Scarlett, was that she didn't know what to fill her awaking hours with anymore, before it had always been images of Ashley filling her daydreams. Now she had nothing to daydream about- except, that the face of Rhett Butler kept turning up in her thoughts.

"He is very handsome in a rough way, he is always the master of all situations- almost as a pirate. Yes, that is what he is; a pirate"

She couldn't figure out why he entered her thoughts like he did, and she hadn't really any whish to investigate it further.

"I will think about it tomorrow when I have time", but she never had time. Soon wounded soldiers started invading the house on Peachtree Street and all three women had to nurse them and take in as many wounded, as the house had room to. That meant more mouths to feed.

In these days Rhett stopped by every day with food, he also offered Scarlett a pause from her duties, often he escorted her to the backyard and listen to her complains.

"Oh Rhett I want to go home to Tara, this is unbearable, if only I had a horse then we would go".

"I understand why you want to go home Scarlett, I myself will soon leave"

"Leave! Where Rhett? You can't just leave us here. We will die!"

Scarlett was horrified, to whom could she turn to when Rhett was gone?.

"I'm honoured, that you think so much of me Scarlett, I will join our grey boys for the last battle" His voice was serious.

"God's nightgown Rhett!. Why will you fight for a lost cause and one you don't believe in? I thought you were wiser Rhett!"

He smiled "Maybe I have a weakness for lost causes Scarlett. Will you miss me?".

Scarlett didn't answered right away her mind in tumults.

"What will I do without Rhett? How can I provide for Melly and who will help me get home to Tara?"

She peered into Rhett's eyes "I can't let him go"

"I will miss you Rhett. Don't go!" she begged.

He looked at her for some time with a blank face

"Why would you miss me my dear Mrs. Hamilton? Would it be me or my money you would miss? Prey tell me"

Scarlett dimpled and lowered her eyes in her most charming way "Of course it will be you I'll miss Rhett. How can you ask me such a question?"

Her behaviour and answered made Rhett laugh,

"Your Southern belle ways won't work with me Scarlett. Don't pretend you care when you don't. I read you like an open book dear Mrs. Hamilton.

"That skunk! Why can't he just pretend to believe me like a true gentleman would. What will I do, how will I get home now?"

Suddenly a thought occurred her, a frightening and horrifying thought but it was the only plan at her hands right now.

She took a deep breath and found the courage to go along with her plan, finding the will she looked straight into Rhett's black and unreadable eyes.

"If you find a horse and a carriage to take us to Tara, I will become your mistress as a payment"

When the words were spoken, she looked at her hands, too embarrassed to look at him.

Rhett stepped closer "Are we talking about one payment or more payments Mrs. Hamilton?"

"Oh! I don't know. Would one time be enough to pay you Rhett?"

"Hardly!"

He laughed at her and it boiled her temper, but just before she could take back her words; she remembered Tara and she said nothing.

"I will settle with two payments Scarlett. I don't really have time for more. Your first payment will be tomorrow. I will pick you up at noon. Be ready!"

With that he left her.

Scarlett was shaken "What will Mother think of me? She can't ever know or she will be devastated, she will never understand that I needed badly to go home, and pa will find Rhett and try to force him to marry me. I can't let that happen."

She couldn't go inside yet, she needed to calm herself down. It had sounded so right and easy, when she planned it in her head, but so wrong when she said it. And now it sounded awful, what would she do?

"Will he hurt me and what does he expects of me? I wish I knew"

All Scarlett could think of was Rhett's burning, unreadable black eyes; he had never been fooled with her as most men were, always did he see through her and she never knew anything about him. He was always capable at teasing her temper but also of helping her.

"Will he know my secret or can't men not tell these things. Oh! Rhett isn't like most men. Oh what will I do? This time I'm into deep!"

Scarlett would wait outside long enough for Melanie to have retired, then she would go inside and prepare the few soldiers left for bed. Hopefully the remaining four wounded soldiers would be transferred to one of the hospitals tomorrow morning. Stepping inside she realized that Melanie had already taken care of the four gentlemen and she only had to clean a few dishes in the kitchen.

Normally Scarlett hated that part of house keeping, but tonight it helped her to avoid thinking of tomorrow, she lingered in the kitchen, until she had cleaned the tables and floor and nothing more had to be done.

In her bed Scarlett couldn't stop her mind from spinning; she tried to remember her previous marriage but it all was a blur and she was met by blank spots in her memories. Like back then, she was surrounded by a fog when she tried to remember anything about that time.

She had hasted marriage without reflecting on what would follow after her woes, Ellen had begged her daughter to postpone the wedding and follow the proper engagement standards, which would at least be six months and better 12 months. Ellen's talk of wisdom was never heard by her oldest daughter, ever since her encounter with Ashley, Scarlett had struggled with the fog, that surrounded her; making only one thing seem real to her; she would marry and that quickly. Why she would marry and whom she would marry, she failed to remember but it was most important, she gave her mother a sullen face and hardhead refused to listen to her saintly mother.

Scarlett had weak memories of a young shy boy, that had claimed her as his bride, now and then the fog gave her glints of brown calve eyes full of adorations and forever love. But more often even that glint was covered with the thick fog making her wondering, if Charles, indeed, were the owner of brown calve eyes.

The fog consumed Scarlett and drained her for all life, her detachment was excused by the turmoil of preparations; nobody really had the time to watch her closely enough to notice, that Scarlett was not in this world. Before she knew it, Scarlett walked down the stairs of Tara at her father's arm, dressed in Ellen's wedding dress. Scarlett was paler than ever and never heard one words of the preacher's tale; how she managed to reply in the right places she would never know. She remembered the cold feeling of Charles pressing his cold lips against hers. If it hadn't been for the fog she would have screamed in disgust.

She remembered Melanie's eyes shinning with love and her words of

"Now we are truly sisters"

She had no idea of what food had been served or what music had been played, she vaguely remembered dancing with Gerald.

Realization stuck, when Charles appeared in his nightshirt from her dressing-room, regrets filled her; she had never wanted this shy, sissy boy standing beside her bed, she wanted Ashley. What had she done? She was sixteen years old and would forever be bound to a clumsy boy, whom expected to share her bed. Of course, it was normal for spouses occupying the same bed, her mother and father did, but she would not share her bed with this strange boy. She spoke in a hoarse whisper

"I'll scream out loud if you come near me. I will! I will-at the top of my voice! Get away from me! Don't you ever dare touch me!".

Charles too scared to argue with this to him unknown temper, never before, had anyone spoken in such a hoarse tone of voice or spoken so unkindly words to him. He obeyed his new bride and spent his wedding night in a chair. He greatly admired his bride for being so delicate and fragile, that she denied him his marital rights, he knew he had to be very gentle with her, assuring her there was nothing to be afraid of, he would never hurt her in any way. But he was not prepared for Scarlett's temper, nothing in his life had prepared him for anything but sweetness, and Scarlett was not known for her sweetness. Charles had entered the tiger's cage without the skills to tame the animal before him. When the second night of their marriage came, Scarlett hadn't come closer to accepting her wifely duties. She turned a deaf ear to Charlie's assurances, that he would be gentle and that he understood she was scared, but all married people shared the same bed. Scarlett just repeated the words from the night before and threatens him with a vase. She was not afraid! Never!

But this weak boy would never touch her; never had she hated a kiss more than when it was a kiss from her husband. If she only had thought before jumping into this marriage, it would never had happened "

Why didn't I listen to mother, I hate being married. My life is over".

So for the second night in a row Scarlett occupied her bed alone, and Charles crumbled in the same chair as the night before, he was fearing he would be off to war without knowing the pleasures of marriage.

Ellen had never prepared her for the actions happening in the wedding bed, except vaguely mentioning that wifely duties were something one had to bear. Scarlett had no idea what the wifely duties would be but she knew it was because of them; Charles wanted to share her bed

"Over my death body"

She swore to herself. She wished she could undo the past three weeks and wake up as the county belle again, but life didn't grant her that wish. Scarlett blamed Charles for her misfortune and whished he would go to hell or at least disappear. Stubbornly, she repeated her previously actions on the third night of her marriage. Charles plagued her to be fair fore he was leaving in two days, but Scarlett would hear none of if, so dear Charles retired. He told himself that Scarlett needed time, she was just too young and innocent and he was clueless how to handle her, he gave in and didn't come near her bed ever again.

Scarlett awoke with a start, she knew she had been dreaming of her first wedding but she couldn't remember the days or Charles, she saw soft brown calve eyes before her own eyes. They must belong to her long death husband. It was still night, a full moon was shinning through her window, covering the room in its gentle, soft light. It was a night for sweet dreaming, but Scarlett was too tense and worried about tomorrow to enjoy the beauty before her eyes. Or for sweet dreaming, and dreaming of Charles wasn't exactly sweet. In fact it made her more nervous about tomorrow.

"I can't sweet talk or bully Rhett from getting paid, I know I've to go through with it. Maybe it had been better, if I had shared my bed with Charles, then at least I would know what to expect"

The thought made her nauseous, Charlie's touches would have been awful.

"I'm sure Rhett knows what he's doing and I doubt I'll feel bad from his touches. After all he is handsome and rich".

Her late husband hadn't been poor but rather wealthy, but it escaped Scarlett that she shouldn't have felt sick from her husband's touches; if Rhett's money was the reason she would like his. But as always Scarlett was just happy to have an understandable reason, without looking too deep into her feelings to explain things, and little did it matter, that nobody else would understand her reason. She was satisfied.

The next morning Scarlett felt as tired as she had before going to bed the night before; her night had been restless and hunted by dreams of her short marriage to Charles. Now when she was awake; it was her mother whom hunted her and Ashley, but she wouldn't allow Ashley to enter her thoughts ever again

"What would he think of me?. He would never had suggested anything so daring, even if his life was in danger"

She couldn't stay in bed any longer; the soldiers needed her, hopefully for the last morning. She met Melanie in the kitchen; together they prepared a mare breakfast for the people in the Hamilton house. Scarlett was distant and quieter than usually and more than once she felt Melanie's eyes on her, but she just ignored it and Melanie was too tactful to ask questions.

"Umm-Melanie, I have to leave the house at noon and I don't know when I will be home again. Will you be all right?"

"Dear, of course you need some time away from the house, the soldiers will be fetched in an hour and I will manage just fine. I think I will rest and besides I have Prissy. Don't you worry dear"

"I do- I do worry! But not about you"

Scarlett kept the words to herself, Melanie would never understand anyway. The day went by very slowly and at the same time very fast. Just before noon Scarlett washed up and changed her dress and when the watch in the parlour announced it was twelve o'clock, Rhett arrived in a carriage. Melanie opened the door for Rhett and thanked him for the food supplies he had with him and offered him a drink, which he politely declined

"I've promised Scarlett a picnic so please excuse us Mrs. Wilkes. Will you be fine on your own?"

To Scarlett's surprise, he sounded honest in his question

"You two go on. I will be fine and Scarlett needs a break from nursing. Go on".

Scarlett hadn't said a word since Rhett had arrived; Rhett gave her a quick glance and offered her his arm.